Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2010 16:12:38 GMT -5
Christmassacre, December 27th, 2010
*Christmas At Ground Zero*
Red, Green, and Gold pyro goes off as we are LIVE!
Hoss - Ho ho ho! Welcome to Christmassacre! Gorilla Tim Hoss here, joined as always by Jesse King!
King - Gorilla, this is the final WWCF event of the year and I am pumped!
Hoss - Tonight, every Championship will be defended, as well as the big battle between the first two Kings of WrestleCrap!
King - Viva Los Bio Dome won the crown last year and it took him right to the World Title, but many claim Colt had the better winning year. Tonight, they meet one on one to determine just who is the King of Kings!
Hoss - We also have the Chicago Deathmatch between The Smokin’ Vokoun and Ryan Starshine.
King - Gorilla, these two hate each other. Starshine still holds a grudge against Vokoun for beating him down following what we thought was his final match earlier this year. But Starshine’s win over Vokoun last month has only enraged the monster even more! This match will not be for the squeamish!
Hoss - And then we have our World Championship match, as “Damn Right” Jackson battles The Boiler Room Brawler once again, with the biggest prize in the business hanging in the balance.
King - Brawler won the initial conflict between these two men, way back in March at Saved by the Bell, taking Jackson’s Inter-Forum Championship in the process. Fast forward to October, Jackson successfully defended the title against Brawler, but in doing so, he reawakened the monster within! Now tonight, we look towards the final battle!
Walk The Plank Match: Dread Pirate Mulligan V. Caleb Fourchon
Michael Muffer: The following contest is “Walk the Plank” Match, and has no disqualifications or time limit. The only way the wrestler can win is to throw his opponent over the side of the… er, ship into the alligator filled moat below.
Jesse King (snorts): Yeah, some pirate ship. They just added some masts and a wheel to the ring.
Tim Hoss: There’s a bit more to it than that. Plus you’re leaving out the glass tanks circling the outside stocked with alligators.
JK: Meh. There’s only six of them in there.
TH: How many alligators would it take for you to be impressed, King?
MM: First, from Dulac, Louisiana, weighing 248 pounds: Caleb Fourchon!
*REM’s “Circus Envy” plays over the Parts Unknown Arena sound system. The crowd jeers and taunts Caleb as he stalks down the ramp. He pauses at the bottom, staring at the modified ring and the gangplank set over the moat. A chant of “Gator Bait!” begins to build in the crowd. Finally, Fourchon carefully crosses the gangplank and stands in the ring.*
TH: It’s an extremely reluctant Caleb Fourchon boarding the ship tonight.
JK: Boarding the ship? We’re going to be hearing a lot of nautical terms in this match, aren’t we Gorilla?
TH: Someone has to add the right color to this match.
JK: But I’m the color commentator!
MM: And his opponent, hailing from the High Seas, weighing 265 pounds: Dread Pirate Mulligan!
*There’s a loud pop when “Shiver Me Timbers” from “Muppet Treasure Island” cues up. Mulligan appears on a scaffold near the entrance. He ziplines to the main mast and climbs down. After handing his flintlock and eye patch to referee John Creed, he takes a big drag from his wineskin and kicks the gangplank off the edge of the apron. He then assumes a fighting pose.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan looks loaded for bear tonight, no doubt eager to get revenge on the man who brutally attacked him after their last contest and stole his prized buccaneer hat.
JK: He should be loaded for gator, considering the stipulations of the match. Heh heh.
*Creed calls Caleb and Mulligan to the middle of the ring (or as close to the middle as they can with the masthead there) and goes over the rules. He motions for the bell and dives out of the way as the two lock up. Fourchon gets behind Mulligan and applies a hammerlock. DPM struggles and slaps his arm before reaching back and snapmaring Fourchon over his shoulder. CF keeps his hold onto Mulligan’s arm and applies a wrist lock. He gets up and puts DPM in a hammerlock again. Fourchon tries pushing DPM face first into the mast, but Mulligan gets a leg up. He then uses the mast to flip up and over Fourchon, breaking the hold.*
TH: An impressive display of agility by Dread Pirate Mulligan, and an excellent use of his environs.
*Mulligan puts Caleb in a full nelson and shakes him violently. Unable to slip free, CF wraps his own legs around the mast when Dread Pirate Mulligan tries to drag him over to the side of the ring. After a couple attempts of prying CF free, Mulligan releases, but not before clubbing Fourchon in the chest with a forearm. He stomps at Caleb until he lets go of the mast, then pulls him to his feet and rams him face first into the pole. When CF staggers backwards Mulligan wraps an arm around his waist and sweeps his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to the mat!*
TH: Nice STO by Mulligan. It appears the Pernicious Privateer’s strategy has become stun his opponent before trying to throw him over the side.
JK: Pfft. Some strategy.
*DPM again drags Fourchon to his feet and puts him in a front facelock. He begins to move towards the side of the ring closest to the hard camera, pulling Caleb with him. Fourchon manages to getl free and put Mulligan on the mat with a double leg takedown, but instead of following up the Cajun Crippler staggers towards the platform set up on the ramp’s side of the ring.*
TH: Caleb has escaped being tossed over the starboard side of the ship and is now climbing up onto the quarter deck, looking to recover from Mulligan’s earlier attacks.
JK: *grumbles*
*Caleb stands on the quarter deck and gets behind the ship’s wheel when he sees Mulligan coming up the steps after him. He keeps the prop between himself and DPM, until Mulligan snags his hair and slams his head against the helm. The pirate then gives the wheel a violent turn, sending Fourchon spinning to the mat. The crowd cheers in approval.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan has dominated so far, using the conditions this match provides to beat Fourchon pillar to post. He is clearly in his element.
JK: And what element is that: fake pirate ship?
*Mulligan hoists Caleb across his shoulders and applies a torture rack, stretching the Cajun wild man’s spine. After a couple bounces he turns and walks towards the ramp side ropes, but is forced to stop when Caleb grabs one of the helm’s spokes. DPM tries to yank him away from the wheel but Fourchon manages to smash his elbow into Mulligan’s face and land on his feet behind him, facing away. He wraps an arm around Mulligan’s neck, twists, and falls to his knees, cracking Mulligan’s back across his own. When Mulligan goes down Caleb runs the ropes. He leaps and hits a running crossbody on the rising DPM, slamming him into the helm, knocking it over. Both men fall to the mat as well, in clear pain and exhaustion.*
JK: Caleb Fourchon has rallied with a series of quick, devastating strikes, though he looks as out of it as Dread Pirate Mulligan is.
TH: The man’s a fighter, I’ll admit.
*Both men slowly get to their feet. Caleb tries a punch, but DPM catches his fist and puts him into a hammerlock, DDTing him onto the helm. As Fourchon lays motionless the Bellicose Buccaneer walks to the ringpost and climbs it.*
TH: Mulligan is heading to the top rope.
JK: Why? Doesn’t this idiot remember the goal of this match is to toss your opponent overboard- I mean out of the ring?
TH: I think he wants a bit revenge first, King. Though I wonder if whatever he has planned is any way worse than tossing Caleb into a tank of large alligators.
*When Mulligan gets to the top turnbuckle, he looks to the crowd and shouts “Yarrr!” before leaping down and crushing Caleb with a leg drop that smashes the prop helm to flinders! The crowd cheers madly at the impact. Both men stay down and motionless.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan’s leg drop has destroyed the ship’s wheel, and very likely Caleb Fourchon as well!
*Both CF and DPM remain down for a long time. Referee John Creed climbs onto the quarter deck and examines both men. Mulligan gets to his feet first and staggers over to where Caleb is laid out and hoists him up. He puts Caleb in a vice grip and begins head butting him repeatedly until both men are busted open! “Where’s me hat, ye scurvy dog! Where’s me bloody hat?!” Mulligan screams into his face.*
JK: I think Dread Pirate Mulligan wants his hat back.
TH: I’d say you’re right, Jesse, and it looks like Caleb Fourchon is going to relent and give it to him.
*From his knees Caleb reaches into his jeans pocket and produces a wadded up piece of paper which he offers to Mulligan.*
TH: It’s the map Fourchon told Dread Pirate Mulligan he made to mark where he buried his hat.
*DPM releases the vice grip and grabs the parchment, but when he holds it up to examine Fourchon produces a lighter from his other hand and sets it alight. It explodes in Mulligan’s face!*
TH: Flash paper! That wasn’t a map, it was flash paper!
JK: *cackles madly* Brilliant!
*DPM staggers away, blinded, towards the edge of the raised platform, chin hairs smoldering.
JK: Look, Gorilla: Mulligan’s beard is on fire! Ha! Ha! Ha!
*Fourchon lurches to his feet and kicks Mulligan off the platform. DPM hits the mat hard and rolls until he hits the base of the main mast. The ref rushes over to check on him.*
TH: A big boot off the quarterdeck!
JK: That’s at least a six foot drop, Gorilla! Mulligan won’t be getting up any time soon!
*Caleb stumbles down the steps after him. He pushes John Creed out of the way and begins stomping at Mulligan. DPM lurches to his feet and goes after Fourchon, who kicks him in the gut and doubles him over. Hooking his leg, he drives Mulligan’s head to the mat with a fisherman DDT. Then he limps towards the platform closest to the announce table side of the ring. He bends down and begins looking underneath it.*
TH: Caleb is rummaging under the ship’s forecastle for something.
JK: It’s not a forecastle, or even a ship! It’s a damn wrestling ring! And Fourchon shouldn’t be wasting his time screwing around when the point of the match is to throw your opponent over the top rope!!
*CF stands and holds up what he was searching for: a burlap sack. Reaching inside he pulls out two things: Dread Pirate Mulligan’s hat and a staple gun.*
TH: Uh oh.
JK: I take it back. Caleb’s a genius!
*After beating down the rising Mulligan again with several clubbing forearms, Caleb takes the staple gun and begins to nail the hat to Mulligan’s scalp! The crowd shrieks in horror at DPM singed hair is now matted with blood.*
TH: This is disgusting. First he throws a fireball in Mulligan’s face, now the Cajun wild man is stapling his hat onto his head.
JK: The man wanted his hat back, didn’t he? And you seem more upset about this than the fact that the match can only end when one of these two is thrown into a tank of hungry alligators!
*Caleb drags Mulligan to his feet. Holding behind the head, he leads him to the side of the ring opposite the hard camera, and throws him over the top rope.*
JK: Pirate off the port side!
*Mulligan is able to grab onto the rope and twist his body so he lands on the apron. Fourchon tries to push him into the tank, but DPM fights back, elbowing Caleb in the face and forcing him to retreat. He clambers over the rope just as one of the alligators rises from the water and snaps at his leg.*
TH: Close call for Dread Pirate Mulligan there.
JK: You got that right, Gorilla: that gator smelled blood, and too bad for Mulligan it was his!
*Mulligan rips the gore stained hat and several patches of his own hair off his head. His face is now the proverbial crimson mask. He charges at Fourchon and begins hammering at him with rights and lefts, knocking him back towards the hard camera side of the ring. He sends CF pinwheeling with a discus clothesline before dropping to his knees.*
TH: Fourchon’s down, but so is Mulligan: that last flurry of offense took a lot out of the Battling Buccaneer.
*As the crowd begins to chant his name Mulligan seems to find a reserve of energy. He stands and walks over to Fourchon. Pulling him to his feet he whips him into the steps leading up to the forecastle deck. CF winces I pain at the impact and crawls on his hands and knees to escape. Mulligan pursues. Grabbing the retreating Fourchon he rams him head first into the foremast. And again! And again! Until Fourchon’s face is as bloody as his own. Mulligan leads his reeling opponent to the edge and flips him over, only to see Caleb grab the top rope with both hands.*
TH: Caleb Fourchon has managed to save himself after that hellacious beating!
*As Caleb dangles over the side of the ring, roughly ten feet over the tanks, a pair of alligators lazily swim towards him.*
JK: Uh oh, Gorilla: I don’t like the looks of this!
*DPM begins pounding on the back of Caleb’s neck and shoulders, trying to make him release his hold on the ropes. He pries at Fourchon’s hands, then bites his fingers. Finally, Caleb kicks away from the raised part of the ring and leaps-*
TH and JK: AHHH!
*- onto the jutting spire coming out from the ring! The Cajun Crippler pauses and catches his breath, before looking back towards Mulligan.*
JK: Wow! What a leap by Caleb onto that… thingee!
TH: It’s called the bowsprit, King. And it was impressive, but now what’s he going to do? He’s trapped!
*Fourchon slowly begins to shimmy his way up the bowsprit, past the tanks and over the announce table. The crowd boos loudly when they see that CF is trying to escape his fate. Suddenly, Mulligan leaps onto the bowsprit as well and climbs after him!*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan has followed Caleb Fourchon out onto the ship’s bowsprit!
JK: Uh, Gorilla, I don’t like the way that thing is sagging.
*The bowsprit does begin to sway and dip from the weight of both men. Caleb kicks back at DPM to try and force him off the beam, but Mulligan blocks the shots. There is a loud crack, and the bowsprit gives way!*
TH: Look out!
*The bowsprit and Caleb crash into the announcer’s table, while Mulligan manages to snag the rigging leading from it and swings back to the apron! There is a long pause as he recovers and several members of the WWCF Prop Department check out the fallen bowsprit. Caleb, meanwhile, is still on the table, and rolls over onto his back. When DPM sees him moving he goes back to where his hat lays and puts it on. He screams “Yarr!” and runs up to the forecastle deck, leaps, grabs the rigging that saved him earlier, swings out, and creams the prone Fourchon with a cannonball senton!*
TH: Great Neptune!
*The announce table collapses under both men’s weight. More WWCF staff come out to examine them, including eventually referee John Creed, who hasn’t called for the bell.*
JK: This match still isn’t over yet, Gorilla. No one has been thrown in the moat!
*Finally DPM lurches to his feet and pushes the EMTs checking on him aside. He grabs Fourchon by the wrist and begins to drag him back towards the tanks. Caleb comes to and struggles to resist, shaking his head back and forth and clawing at the ground to try and halt his movement. With one last bit of strength Mulligan lifts Fourchon onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry, then slams him into the tanks!*
TH: He did it! He did it! Dread Pirate Mulligan has won the Walk the Plank Match!
JK: He also maybe committed murder too, with the entire WWCF Galaxy as witnesses!
*The gators swim towards Caleb, who begins to splash around wildly. He manages to pull himself out of the water by grabbing the broken bowsprit and flops over the side just as one of the reptiles lashes out and bites his upper thigh. The Cajun wild man leaps to his feet and runs off, jumping the barricade and stumbling through the jeering audience.*
MM: Here is your winner, Dread Pirate Mulligan!
*DPM lets Creed raise his arm before collapsing to the mat. A swarm of medicos surround him.*
TH: An amazing contest, King. I don’t recall ever seeing anything like it.
JK: And I hope we never do again. Look at this mess!
TH: It is going to take a while to clean up, isn’t it? We’ll be taking a break in the action, folks, so in the meantime enjoy this exclusive trailer for “Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides”, the official sponsor of the Walk the Plank Match.
TIM HOSS: Fans, I'm just getting word now that the WWCF has come to terms on the release of WWCF superstar Jazzman as of today, December 27, 2010. We wish Jazzman the best in all future endeavors.
JESSE KING: That's right, Gorilla. There just wasn't anything for him to do, and even though it's just two days after Christmas you can't let things like that factor in when you're running a wrestling promotion.
TIM HOSS: To be blunt, Jazzman just wasn't a draw. Anybody who tells you that fans would always cheer for him is lying, and if they show you footage of prior WWCF shows where fans seem to be cheering for Jazzman, that just means that they dubbed the cheers in after the fact.
JESSE KING: Yes, and the reason he never clicked with the fans was his wrestling style. It was confusing for the WWCF Galaxy to see a guy doing a handspring enzuigiri when they had never seen anybody else do it before. If Jazzman had just stuck to clotheslines and power slams, he might still be employed.
TIM HOSS: Finally, he was just too small. At a stringbean-like 236 lbs, he was undersized for a wrestler. If only he had taken steroids and human growth hormone. Anyway, it's time for our next match...
MICHAEL MUFFER: The following contest is set for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, and it is for the WWCF World Tag Team Championships!
*"New Blackjacks Theme"*
MICHAEL MUFFER: Introducing first! From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs...Little Naitch!
*Naitch struts out in his robe amid a display of flickering lights, to a big pop from the crowd. Naitch gets in the ring and removes his robe, as the music changes to "DOA"*
MICHAEL MUFFER: And his partner...from Los Angeles, California, and weighing in at 240 lbs...being accompanied to the ring by Mr. Hideo Nakatomi...Jonathan Michaels!
*Video of dangerous film stunts is shown on the CrapTron as smoke belches from the entrance area. Michaels emerges from the smoke to an arena full of cheers, followed by Nakatomi. They walk to the ring together, and as Michaels climbs in to join Naitch, both of them can be seen to glare as "You've Got Another Thing Coming" hits*
MICHAEL MUFFER: Their opponents! They are the WWCF World Tag Team Champions! Weighing in at a combined 445 lbs...Johnny Stone and Ryan Blood!
*Blood & Stone appear on the ramp, the boos raining down on them. They stride down to the ring, staring at Michaels and Naitch, both of whom stare back with hatred. As Blood & Stone reach the ringside area, Naitch and Michaels abruptly exit the ring and attack the champions!*
JESSE KING: Time out! Foul! They have to wait for the match to start!
TIM HOSS: I don't think they care, Jesse!
*As Lloyd McFloyd tries in vain to establish order, Naitch and Stone hammer away on one another with punches. Michaels wins his exchange with Blood and sends him to the floor with a stiff clothesline! Blood looks out of it as Michaels picks him up, pulls his jacket over his head to blind him, and then flings him into the barricade! Blood crashes into it with a loud "BANG!" Before he knows what hit him, Jono has clotheslined him again, sending him into the cheering crowd!*
JESSE KING: Blood's right about these fans! They're all idiots, cheering for guys who resort to such underhanded tactics!
TIM HOSS: It's their constitutionally guaranteed right of free speech, King.
JESSE KING: Hmph, where's King George III when you need him?
*Naitch hits the floor after taking a series of hits from Stone! Stone follows up by stomping on Naitch before pulling him up and flinging him toward the steel ring steps--only for Naitch to reverse and cause Stone to crash into the steel before falling back to the floor! Stone hits the steps hard and is also down a second later. Meanwhile, among the crowd, Jonathan Michaels stalks Ryan Blood, blasting him with a hard shot whenever he's on the verge of getting back to his feet! Blood is trying to put some distance between himself and Michaels in order to catch a breather, but it all seems to be in vain. The fans are cheering Michaels on and taunting Blood. Suddenly, Blood reaches out and grabs a woman in the crowd! She tries to get away from him, but his grip's too strong, and Blood throws her at Michaels!*
TIM HOSS: What kind of man is Blood, throwing an innocent woman at his opponent like that?!
JESSE KING: A smart man!
*Fortunately, Michaels is able to catch the lady without any harm coming to either of them...but it slows him down just enough for Blood to get to his feet and undo the championship belt still around his waist. As Michaels untangles himself from the woman, Blood smashes the belt into his face! Michaels goes down, and Blood doubles over, breathing hard and holding his side*
JESSE KING: Oh man, that was beautiful! I can't believe I ever disliked this guy. And he can't be disqualified for that because the bell still hasn't rung!
TIM HOSS: I wish I could argue that point, King, but it's true. Until they get in the ring and the match starts, there aren't any rules for anybody to break.
*Naitch and Stone have both gotten to their feet. Stone rushes at Naitch, who counters with a backdrop--Stone manages to land on his feet behind Naitch, though, spins around, and picks up Naitch for a belly to back suplex! Naitch hits the floor hard, and Stone rolls him into the ring before he can recover! As McFloyd rings the bell, Stone follows Naitch in. The match is now officially underway.
WWCF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Jonathan Michaels & Little Naitch vs. Ryan Blood & Johnny Stone
*Blood has left Michaels lying in the crowd and is heading back to the ring as quickly as he can. The legal men are, of course, Naitch and Stone, the latter of whom immediately covers*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Jono's getting back to his feet with some help from the fans, and trying to shake off the effects of the belt shot. Blood has reached the barricade and pulls himself over, handing his belt and jacket to the timekeeper on his way to the ring. Stone gets Naitch in a Cobra Clutch in the ring, but just when it seems as if he's about to pass out Naitch powers himself and Stone into the corner, knocking the wind out of Stone as he hits the turnbuckles and freeing himself from the hold. Naitch takes a few steps before he Flair-flops down to the mat*
TIM HOSS: Naitch has managed to extricate himself from a bad situation, but he's still at a disadvantage, with both of the champions now in the match and Michaels much too far away to tag in.
*Stone out of the corner, catching Naitch with a kick to the gut as he rises! Stone lifts Naitch up and falls backwards for a reverse powerbomb, sending Naitch facefirst into the mat! Stone tags in Blood as he climbs onto the apron*
JESSE KING: And here comes Blood! This is what they need to do: take advantage of every single second to wear down Naitch while it's still two on one!
TIM HOSS: That was your kind of fight, huh?
JESSE KING (defensively): Not always! Only when I was one of the guys doing the double-teaming!
TIM HOSS: I stand corrected.
*Michaels is moving through the crowd towards the ring, but he has a long way to go and for now it's still two on one in the champions' favor. Blood into the ring to hit Naitch with a rolling elbow/discus clothesline combo that sends him back down! Cover by Blood*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Michaels has closed about half the distance to the ring as Blood tags Stone back in before picking Naitch up and slamming him down! Blood's out of the ring and into his and Stone's corner right before Stone flies off the top rope and lands on Naitch with an big elbow drop! Stone rolls off of Naitch, and Blood leaps off the top to connect with another elbow drop! Blood gets out of the ring before McFloyd finishes the count, and Stone makes a cover*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
TIM HOSS: Tremendous fortitude on display here from Little Naitch, being able to kick out after absorbing two crushing top rope elbow drops!
*Michaels is finally back at ringside and rushes into the ring at Stone--only to be cut off by McFloyd, who orders him into his corner! Michaels reluctantly exits the ring as Stone whips Naitch into the corner with Blood, who holds onto the man as Stone rushes in and connects with a big splash!*
TIM HOSS: What a splash from Johnny Stone!
*Stone pulls Naitch out of the corner, turns around with his back to Blood, and reaches out to make another tag before bringing Naitch down onto his knee with a Manhattan drop! Naitch sinks to his knees as Stone moves out of the way--Blood into the ring now, and he nails Naitch with a step-up enzuigiri! Naitch hits the mat! Cover by Blood now*
One!
Two!
Shoulder up!
JESSE KING: Seems there's still some fight left in Naitch, but he's being worn down!
*Blood gets Naitch up and applies a waistlock, backing up and preparing for a release German suplex into the turnbuckles. But before he can hit it, Naitch elbows him several times in the head, forcing him to let go, then grabs Blood and body slams him in the middle of the ring!*
TIM HOSS: Narrow escape by Naitch there! Now if he can just tag Jono in, things will start looking up for the challengers!
*Naitch forces himself to stand after hitting the slam and closes the distance between himself and Michaels, making the hot tag! Michaels is in just as Blood is groggily standing, and he unloads on Blood with rights and lefts!
TIM HOSS: If I were Jonathan Michaels, I'd be feeling great right now! He probably hasn't been able to wait to get his hands on Ryan Blood!
*Blood is staggered and is whipped into the ropes by Michaels! Blood ducks Jono's clothesline attempt on the way back, bounces off the ropes on the other side--and is speared out of his boots on the return! Jono springs up and waits for Blood to get to his feet...as soon as Blood is up, Michaels blasts him in the face with Fade To Black!*
TIM HOSS: FADE TO BLACK! Countless opponents have been defeated by that move!
JESSE KING: You can count them, Gorilla, if you bothered to pay attention in second grade math and go over Jono's career match by match.
TIM HOSS: Figure of speech, King.
*Blood's eyes roll back in his head, and a second later he hits the mat! Jono covers*
One!
Two!
Thr--STONE RUNS IN AND HITS MICHAELS, BREAKING UP THE PIN!*
TIM HOSS: Damn it, Michaels had Blood pinned there!
JESSE KING: Well then, Naitch should have been in quicker to cut off Stone!
*As if hearing what King said Naitch is in the ring now, brawling with Stone! McFloyd gets in between them and orders them back to their respective corners. Both men grudgingly obey, at the same time as Michaels has recovered from Stone's attack and covers Blood again*
One!
Two!
Shoulder up!
JESSE KING (Nelson Muntz-like): HAW-haw!
*Michaels goes to lock on the Key Grip, but by now Blood's got the strength to shove him away with both legs! Blood's up and goes on the attack, dropkicking Michaels' legs out from under him! Blood throws Michaels through the ropes to the outside, and starts making his way over to tag Stone*
TIM HOSS: He's bought himself some time, but the question is whether it's enough...
*Stone gets tagged in, just as Michaels is back on the apron. Stone rushes over and nails Jono with a hard punch, before picking him up and bringing him back into the ring with a brainbuster! Cover by Stone*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Stone hits Michaels with a full nelson slam, and tags Blood back in. As soon as Michaels is vertical Blood blasts him another rolling elbow and continues to spin to go for the discus clothesline--but Michaels catches his arm and counters it into an armwringer!*
TIM HOSS: A beautiful counter by Jonathan Michaels!
*Michaels forces Blood down, delivering several nasty kicks to his chest at the same time! He maneuvers Blood over to his corner and tags in Naitch. Blood stumbles away as Michaels leaves the ring. As soon as he turns around he takes a hard chop to his already battered chest! Blood cries out in pain and staggers back! The crowd encourages Naitch with a "WOOOOO!" as he follows up with more chops!*
TIM HOSS: Naitch is beating Blood like a government mule!
JESSE KING: I think that kind of hostility is pretty common towards anybody in government, not just mules!
*Naitch picks Blood up and hits his left leg with an atomic knee drop! Blood howls and rolls around, clutching the leg! Naitch stomps on the damaged limb a few times before dropping an elbow on Blood--but Blood rolls out of the way! Naitch winces, and gets up clutching his elbow. Blood is also up, but is doubled over and has a slight limp. Naitch goes for a belly to back suplex, but it's blocked by Blood, who counters it into a hiptoss! Blood limps over to the prone Naitch, pulling him up and flinging him into the corner! Blood follows him in and rams his shoulder into Naitch's stomach several times, before snapmaring him out of the corner, bringing him up with a waistlock...release German suplex into the turnbuckles! Naitch is down*
TIM HOSS: And Ryan Blood has suddenly turned the tide!
*Blood lifts Naitch and plants him on the top rope, climbs up...*
JESSE KING: Time for the ADH!
*Naitch is brought back into the ring with the ADH! Blood covers*
One!
Two!
*Hideo Nakatomi grabs Naitch's foot and puts it on the rope*
Thr--McFloyd sees Naitch's foot and breaks the count!
JESSE KING: Mr. Nakatomi is learning! He's on his way to filling the managerial void filled by The Sam before he went on to bigger things! Now if only he was helping somebody more deserving than Jonathan Michaels...
*Blood sees Nakatomi, and shouts something at him. The old man barely reacts, except for a slight upturning of the corners of his mouth*
TIM HOSS: And Ryan Blood is not happy!
JESSE KING: Hmm, imagine if he were managing the WWCF World Tag Team Champions, Gorilla! That would be awesome! But I guess it's not too likely, after that whole "wanting to end their careers" thing. Oh well.
*Blood slides out of the ring and down to the floor to go after Nakatomi, who runs away...*
JESSE KING: Hey, he's pretty fast for a guy his age!
*...Blood gives chase, and is led right into Jonathan Michaels, who hits him with a second Fade To Black on the floor!*
TIM HOSS: Not a wise move by Blood there. He could have worked on Naitch some more, but his temper got the better of him. That's the kind of mistake that can lose you a championship, particularly after you take a second Fade To Black like that!
*A fury comes over Michaels as he starts kicking and stomping Blood's left leg on the floor! Blood screams in pain with each blow! The ref's count is at four by now. Michaels picks up Blood and RAMS HIS BAD LEG INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!*
JESSE KING: Holy crap, look at what he's doing to Blood's leg! This is inhuman!
TIM HOSS: After everything that Blood's done to Michaels and his girlfriend, Sara Nakatomi, you're honestly surprised? And anyway, this is sound strategy. Clearly he's softening Blood up for a Figure Four from Naitch.
*The ref's count is up to seven as Hideo orders Michaels to get Blood back into the ring. Jono rolls Blood back in to a waiting Naitch. Naitch has recovered from the ADH by now. He pulls Blood into the middle of the ring and goes to lock on the Figure Four, but Blood is somehow able to shove Naitch away with his good leg! Naitch stumbles backward and the back of his head happens to connect with Lloyd McFloyd's face! McFloyd goes down*
TIM HOSS: Ouch! Hopefully Lloyd's okay and will be able to officiate the rest of this match. Preferably in time to see Blood tapping out to the Figure Four!
JESSE KING: Biased announcer is biased.
TIM HOSS: If I am, nobody will ever pick up on it when you're the other half of the announce team. Kind of like how sitting next to Sean Fausz will make anybody look skinny.
JESSE KING: Who?
TIM HOSS: Just trust me, he's very, very fat.
*Naitch goes to lock on the Figure Four again, and this time Blood can't do anything about it! Almost immediately, Blood starts to tap--but McFloyd is still out! Stone takes advantage by running in and dropping a leg on Naitch's head! Naitch is knocked silly and relaxes the pressure on Blood*
TIM HOSS: That's TWICE that Naitch and Michaels have had this match won now!
JESSE KING: Oh, get over it.
*Michaels runs in...just as McFloyd starts to get up and realizes that there shouldn't be four men in the ring! McFloyd orders both of them out. Michaels complies, visibly frustrated. So does Stone, visibly pleased*
TIM HOSS: Ryan Blood is really gonna owe Johnny Stone after tonight, if they retain their championships!
*Blood drags himself closer and closer to Stone to make the legal tag as Naitch gradually recovers his senses. Naitch gets up and turns around just in time to see Stone tagged in. Stone is on Naitch a second later and staggers him with a stiff punch, before locking on a bearhug! He ratchets up the pressure on Naitch's back as the seconds tick by, but finally Naitch is able to free himself by clapping his hands over Stone's ears until he releases the hold. Naitch tags in Michaels!*
JESSE KING: I've got a feeling that this match is going to end soon, Gorilla. These guys can't last forever.
*Michaels goes for a clothesline on Stone, but Stone ducks, bounces off the ropes, and brings Jono down with a running headbutt! Stone picks Michaels up and goes for a powerbomb--but Michaels is able to counter with a backdrop! Both men slowly get to their feet as their partners look on...*
TIM HOSS: You're probably right about that, Jesse. Blood's leg can't be in good shape and he's taken two Fade To Blacks, Naitch has been hit with an ADH, Michaels got nailed with the championship belt earlier on, and Stone was thrown into those unforgiving steel ring steps around the same time.
*Stone catches Michaels, gets him up on his shoulder, and nails him with a Canadian backbreaker before going for the cover*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Stone brings Michaels up for a Michinoku Driver II, but Jono catches his head and brings him down with a reverse DDT! Michaels covers*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Michaels picks up Stone for a sidewalk slam, but Stone punches him in the face on the way up, forcing Michaels to let go! Stone lands on his feet and plants Michaels with a front powerslam! Cover by Stone*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
TIM HOSS: Both of these guys are hitting one another with their best shots, and neither of them are staying down for long!
*As Michaels starts to get up, Stone goes to bounce off the ropes in preparation to hit Michaels with something else, but Hideo Nakatomi grabs Stone's foot, stopping him in his tracks! Stone turns around and kicks Nakatomi off, causing the old man to lose his balance. This has bought Jono precious seconds, though, and he meets Stone with a big spinebuster as the other man turns back to face him! Blood, meanwhile, climbs off the ring apron and heads over to Hideo Nakatomi before he can get up and run away. Before he knows what's happening, the old man is kicked in the gut and crumples to the arena floor. Blood grabs a mic, and stomps on Hideo to make sure he stays down before joining him on the arena floor and catching him in a body scissors! Nakatomi struggles to get free, but it's all in vain. Michaels has just now noticed Hideo's predicament and makes a move to help him, when Blood yells into the mic...*
BLOOD: STOP RIGHT THERE, MICHAELS! COME ONE STEP CLOSER AND THIS OLD BASTARD IS DEAD!!!
*Michaels stops in his tracks, suddenly seeming undecided*
BLOOD: Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how this is gonna work, Jono. You're gonna get on your back while Johnny pins you. You and I both know that I can really hurt this guy before you get close enough to stop me. Like this!
*Blood grabs Hideo's hand the, and the camera's microphone registers a "SNAP!" Hideo lets out a horrible scream!*
TIM HOSS: OH MY GOD! Nakatomi's far from my favorite person, but he doesn't deserve this!
BLOOD: That was his thumb, Jono. He's got four more fingers, which I'll break one after the other the longer you take to do what I tell you...then I'll break his arm...then I'll start on the fingers of his other hand...and so on. That's if you don't comply. You do what I want, and I won't break any of those things. Hey, Mr. Nakatomi, what's your opinion? Do you think Michaels should do as I say? Answer carefully, because the well-being of your whacking-off hand is at stake.
*Blood thrusts the mic into Hideo's face, where it picks up whimpers of pain.*
NAKATOMI: Jonathan! Do what he says!
*Blood pulls the mic back, a cheshire cat grin on his face*
BLOOD: There you go, Michaels. You've got your orders.
*Michaels is literally quaking with fury, and his teeth are clenched as he turns around and gets back into the ring, where Johnny Stone is waiting for him. Michaels gives Naitch a pleading and apologetic look, starts to lie down...and then is pulled up by Naitch, who has entered the ring and is exchanging heated words with him. Michaels points to the outside, to Blood and Nakatomi. Naitch is getting angrier by the second. Focused as he is on Michaels, he doesn't see Stone coming at him and gets laid out by the Rock Crusher! Michaels spins around to face Stone, enraged, but Stone says something to him and points to the mat. Whereas a moment before it looked as if Michaels was going to attack Stone, all the resistance seems to drain out of him as he assumes a defeated expression*
BLOOD: Hey, Michaels! Chop chop! Maybe you need another incentive...
*Blood breaks another of Hideo's fingers, and makes sure to position the mic so that it picks up the ear-splitting scream of agony that accompanies it!*
TIM HOSS: This is sickening!
BLOOD: NOW, you piece of s***. Is Sara watching this? What do you suppose she thinks of the show so far? Hiddy baby, you got any opinion on the current state of things?
NAKATOMI (sobbing, and shrieking into the mic): DAMN IT, LIE DOWN AND LET HIM PIN YOU!!!
*Michaels immediately gets on his back, and Stone covers*
One!
Two!
Three!
MICHAEL MUFFER: Here are your winners, and still WWCF World Tag Team Champions....Ryan Blood and Johnny Stone!
BLOOD: Good boy, Michaels.
*Stone gets to his feet and has his hand raised. As Michaels is rising, Stone pulls his hand away from the ref and hits Jono full force with another Rock Crusher! He then joins Blood outside the ring. Blood high fives his partner and releases the hold on Nakatomi, who falls onto his back, gasping and wincing from the pain of his broken fingers*
BLOOD: Michaels, we did what I told you we'd do. We taught you another life lesson. And damned if it wasn't fun!
*Blood hands the mic to Stone*
STONE: Hey Jonny Boy! Hey, man, if you are still conscious, don't be spiteful to me, eh? I was going to beat you legally anyways, but this way you don't get hurt too much, so be grateful.
Anyways, there's a known rule in life that all pussy comes with a price. But, you got to ask yourself, is this Hello Kitty you be dippin' worth bein' a slave to some tiny fishmonger? Before you go hootin' and hollerin', ask yourself that, and by the way, a fruit basket for tellin' the truth be might neighborly of you.
*Boos from the crowd. Tons of boos. Stone offers the mic back to Blood, who accepts it*
BLOOD: Valid points there, buddy. And how about you, Hiddy? You're learning a valuable lesson too, aren't you, little man? For one thing, you've learned that when you're STUPID enough to put your hands on a trained professional wrestler, he's not always going to go as easy on you as Naitch did a while back.
*Blood gets down on one knee and puts his face right up against Hideo's, close enough that the older man can feel his breath as he speaks*
BLOOD: I've had broken bones in the past. I know they don't feel good. Why, the pain you're in now has got to be making you reconsider ever being in the same building with Blood & Stone again, let alone interfering in our affairs while you're there. You know what, Hiddy? I'm in a good mood from winning. I won't hurt you any more. Get out of here.
*Nakatomi breathes a sigh of relief. He gets to his feet, clutching the wrist of the hand with his broken fingers, and takes a step toward the ramp...before Blood catches him by the collar and yanks him back*
BLOOD: Allow me to elaborate: I won't hurt you any more. But you know something? When you order somebody to "destroy" us, to "cripple" us, to "make sure we never so much as breathe on our own" again, and when your little minion over there comes close to actually making that happen...well, that's not easily forgiven. Particularly not by the guy who almost got crippled. Time for him to have some fun.
*Blood shoves Nakatomi towards Stone, who promptly takes him down and locks on the Judo Joint Jacker! Blood shoves the mic in Nakatomi's face, laughing and literally rubbing the microphone all over Nakatomi's face, with his wails, shrieks, and screams being broadcast all over the Parts Unknown Arena! The crowd isn't booing now--shots of them just show them looking horrified or sick! And then there's a loud "CRACK!" picked up by the mic, and...*
TIM HOSS: OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HIS ARM!!!
*Hideo's arm is not only now bent at an angle that no human arm was ever meant to bend at, his bone has not only snapped, but it has literally pierced his flesh and the sleeve of his jacket! A pool of blood is accumulating underneath the old man, and he is now too hoarse to even scream any more! Blood and Stone grab their belts and head to the back, laughing, Stone with the mic*
STONE: Whoo doggy, he ain't gonna be ping-ponging for a long dang time! Hey, let that be a lesson to you on stayin' out of the rasslin' business, bitch!
*EMTs are clustered around Hideo now that they can get to him. Michaels has gotten up and is out of the ring, kneeling by Hideo, a look of concern on his face. Naitch, meanwhile, is making no move toward his tag team partner or paying any attention to him or Hideo. He's sitting up in the ring, his expression one of extreme frustration*
TIM HOSS: Fans, I have no idea what to say to this. I've only seen an injury this severe a couple of times during my years in the business, and I've never seen it deliberately inflicted like that!
JESSE KING: I'm glad that Blood & Stone won, but even I feel a little queasy looking at Nakatomi right now...
WWCF Hardcore Championship: Metal V. Super Masked Hero X
Muffer - The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a twenty minute time limit, and it is for the WWCF Hardcore Championship!
*Fatal KO*
Muffer - Introducing first, the challenger. From Planet X, weighing in at 300 pounds, Super Masked Hero X!
Super Masked Hero X enters, and he's wearing a Santa hat and a fake beard, and he's also carrying a sack full of toys. He drops the sack in one corner of the ring.
Hoss - Super Masked Hero X in the holiday spirit, Jess.
King - What an idiot. Doesn’t he know Christmas was two days ago?
Hoss - Maybe they celebrate it later on Planet X.
*Caught In a Mosh*
Muffer - And his opponent. From Kent, England, weighing in at 263 pounds, he is the WWCF Hardcore Champion, Metal!
Metal walks out, holding his trademark drumsticks, wearing the Hardcore Championship around his waist.
King - Then again, as bad as X is, at least he’s not this guy.
Hoss - Metal has been undergoing a career resurgence, Jess. He’s the Hardcore Champion, he’s got a guaranteed World Title match, who wouldn’t want to be him right now?
King - I’ll tell ya who. Me.
Referee Will Alphonzo calls for the bell.
The match begins with Super Masked Hero X posing, and flexing his muscles, which get the crowd cheering for him, but Metal wastes no time and shoves X, who gets pushed back. Immediately after that the two charge and get into a fistfight with each other!
Hoss - And here we go, both men with fists a-blazing!
During the fist-fight, X gets hit in the eyes, which stuns him momentarily and gives Metal the chance to use his Double Bass DDT! X breaks free and uses his brute strength to push away Metal, who gets unbalanced and falls to the floor -- however, Metal seems more surprised than hurt.
King - Wipe that dumb look off your face, get up, and fight!
Hoss - Easy, Jess.
X takes this chance and immediately goes toward his Christmas sack, and takes out a kendo stick... several kendo sticks taped together making it look like a 2x4. Metal is on his feet, and he ducks and avoid X's kendo-sticks swing. Metal grabs the Christmas sack, takes out the first object he could grab, and takes out a small and fluffy teddy bear. X swings his kendo-sticks again, and this time it hits Metal in the head, and he goes down! X takes the small and fluffy teddy bear and throws it in the direction of the audience! X drops the kendo-sticks, and cover!
1!
Kickout!
Hoss - Metal kicks out on that occasion.
King - Stay on him, X! You can beat this chump!
X grabs the kendo-sticks once again, raising it in the air. He waits for Metal to get back up, and when he did X starts swinging and repeatedly hits Metal in the back with the kendo-sticks! The crowd starts counting the number of hits, and after over 20 hits to the back the kendo-sticks break, and Metal hits the floor once again. X drags Metal into the center of the ring, and after one elbow-drop for good measure, X looks around the ring, and walks toward one corner.
Hoss - What does Super Masked Hero X have in mind here?
Super Masked Hero X climbs up the turnbuckle, and he poses for the crowd before getting ready for an elbow drop, standing on top of the turnbuckles. However, Metal recovers from the attack and runs toward X! Metal climbs up, and he pushes X back! X falls out of the ring, landing on his side!
King - See what all that posturing gets you?!
X is conscious, but he's groaning in pain. Metal grabs another object from the sack, and takes out several Christmas lights!
Hoss - Uh-oh Jess. Someone’s about to get lit up- literally!
Metal exits the ring, with the Christmas lights wrapped around his fist. X is trying to stand up, but his head gets caught by Metal's fist! He goes down, and Metal covers!
1!
2!
Kickout!
King - That wasn’t enough to keep him down! X is still in this!
Metal starts punching X who's still on the floor. After hitting X several times in the head, Metal stops, and he removes the Christmas lights from his fist. He takes them out and wraps them around X's neck, choking him!
Hoss - Oh my god, Metal is choking out Hero X with Christmas decorations!
X is running out of air. He tries to stand up, and try to break free, but Metal tightens the lights around his neck, and he's back on the floor. Cover!
1!
2!
Thr--Kickout!
Hoss - So close right there! I thought he had it!
It was barely a kickout, but Masked Hero X manages to save the match from ending! Metal doesn't bother taking out the Christmas lights that are still around X's neck. He goes for another Double Bass DDT, but Masked Hero X grabs the ring apron, and won't let go! Metal hits X with a headbutt, and then a big boot, but X continues to hold on to the ring apron!
King - X is holding on for dear life now, Gorilla!
X seems to be shaking the damage off, and Metal goes for another DDT, but X manages to push him back with one hand! X lets go of the ring apron, and he immediately falls down on one knee, still groggy from all the attacks. Metal goes in for the kill, but X manages to push him down once again as he starts standing back up! X is still feeling the effects of Metal's attacks, but he gets back up.
Hoss - X trying to get back in this thing, Jess.
Metal charges toward X, and it seems X is about to fall again -- but X had raised his arm, and his elbow aimed at Metal's head. As he goes down, still feeling the effect of Metal's attack, X manages to land a bionic elbow to Metal's head! Both men are down!
King - They’re both in trouble now, Gorilla!
X crawls into the ring, and lay there next to his Christmas sack. Metal follows, entering the ring. X is back on his feet, and he took out from his sack a mini-Christmas tree. He swings! and misses! Metal kicks him in the gut, and he goes for the Double Bass DDT, and it hits! Cover!
1!
2!
Thre-KICKOUT!
King - Another close call, Gorilla!
Metal climbs on the turnbuckle, getting ready for a top-rope clothesline. X slowly starts to get back up, and Metal jumps! X had taken out the Christmas lights that were in his neck and wrapped it around his fist, and he punches Metal in the stomach! Metal is on his knees!
Hoss - X turns the tables on the Champ with those Christmas lights!
X is behind Metal, and he grabs him and lifts him up and hits the German suplex! Metal is down. X is leaning on the corner, and raises his right hand up. Metal is on his feet, and Super Masked Hero X charges and Metal gets hit by the Blazing Lariat! Metal is down!
King - Blazing lariat! This has to be it!
X is standing in the ring, listening to the crowd's cheering. He grabs Metal from the ground, and he lifts Metal up, and it seems that he's about to do a Gorilla Press slam. However, he walks toward the edge of the ring, near the announce table.
King - Hey, wait a minute!
Hoss and King quickly get out of the way.
Lifting Metal up high, Super Masked Hero X tosses Metal into the announce table, which breaks upon impact!
Hoss - Did you see that?! Metal dropped right through our table!
Super Masked Hero X climbs up the top turnbuckle, and leaps and hits Metal with a big splash! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Here is your winner, and the NEW WWCF Hardcore Champion, Super Masked Hero X!
Super Masked Hero X celebrates. He raises the Hardcore Championship high in the air! He grabs something from his Christmas sack: another sack, filled with candy. Masked Hero X starts throwing candy at the audience.
Hoss - How bout that Jess? We have a new Hardcore Champion in Super Masked Hero X!
King - Yeah, and a broken announce table! Someone get a ring crew out here, STAT!!!
Muffer: The following match is sched-
Unkown voice: You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Square has finally come home
*I Don't Care hits as Square walks out in front of the WWCF crowd for the first time in 3 months*
King: People said that this would never happen again, the Revolution of Evolution back in WWCF but I guess it's a late Christmas present.
Hoss: Square hasn't been heard or seen since he left back in early September, when he quit after a dispute with other talent, and it certainly is a shock to see the two time tag team champion back in a WWCF ring.
Square: Well first thing first, merry Christmas everyone. And secondly, I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! It honestly feels so great to be back, and it's all change here. People coming and going, new stars rising up the ranks whilst the old fat has been cut it's all good. But somethings always remain the same; Viva bitching and moaning about crap, Starshine thinking he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and Caleb Fourchon still can't speak English properly.
I've had months away to think about stuff and I came to the conclusion that WWCF is my home, and I have bled way to much in this ring to have walked away like I did, but I'm is back with eyes on DR Jackson and that big old belt he carries around because I want and will get the world title.
The revolution has only just begun!
*Square hands back the mic and starts to make his way to the back*
Hoss: Short and sweet, but he's made his point loud and clear. He is back for the gold and nothing will stop him from becoming world champion.
King: Yeah thats all well and good, but can we have the real Square back? He's missing his arrogance, that me, me, me attitude that got him two tag titles.
Hoss: It was more the fact that he is a fantastic competitor than his attitude, and maybe the fact that this seems to be a new and improved Square can see him go further in the singles division
*Christmas At Ground Zero*
Red, Green, and Gold pyro goes off as we are LIVE!
Hoss - Ho ho ho! Welcome to Christmassacre! Gorilla Tim Hoss here, joined as always by Jesse King!
King - Gorilla, this is the final WWCF event of the year and I am pumped!
Hoss - Tonight, every Championship will be defended, as well as the big battle between the first two Kings of WrestleCrap!
King - Viva Los Bio Dome won the crown last year and it took him right to the World Title, but many claim Colt had the better winning year. Tonight, they meet one on one to determine just who is the King of Kings!
Hoss - We also have the Chicago Deathmatch between The Smokin’ Vokoun and Ryan Starshine.
King - Gorilla, these two hate each other. Starshine still holds a grudge against Vokoun for beating him down following what we thought was his final match earlier this year. But Starshine’s win over Vokoun last month has only enraged the monster even more! This match will not be for the squeamish!
Hoss - And then we have our World Championship match, as “Damn Right” Jackson battles The Boiler Room Brawler once again, with the biggest prize in the business hanging in the balance.
King - Brawler won the initial conflict between these two men, way back in March at Saved by the Bell, taking Jackson’s Inter-Forum Championship in the process. Fast forward to October, Jackson successfully defended the title against Brawler, but in doing so, he reawakened the monster within! Now tonight, we look towards the final battle!
Walk The Plank Match: Dread Pirate Mulligan V. Caleb Fourchon
Michael Muffer: The following contest is “Walk the Plank” Match, and has no disqualifications or time limit. The only way the wrestler can win is to throw his opponent over the side of the… er, ship into the alligator filled moat below.
Jesse King (snorts): Yeah, some pirate ship. They just added some masts and a wheel to the ring.
Tim Hoss: There’s a bit more to it than that. Plus you’re leaving out the glass tanks circling the outside stocked with alligators.
JK: Meh. There’s only six of them in there.
TH: How many alligators would it take for you to be impressed, King?
MM: First, from Dulac, Louisiana, weighing 248 pounds: Caleb Fourchon!
*REM’s “Circus Envy” plays over the Parts Unknown Arena sound system. The crowd jeers and taunts Caleb as he stalks down the ramp. He pauses at the bottom, staring at the modified ring and the gangplank set over the moat. A chant of “Gator Bait!” begins to build in the crowd. Finally, Fourchon carefully crosses the gangplank and stands in the ring.*
TH: It’s an extremely reluctant Caleb Fourchon boarding the ship tonight.
JK: Boarding the ship? We’re going to be hearing a lot of nautical terms in this match, aren’t we Gorilla?
TH: Someone has to add the right color to this match.
JK: But I’m the color commentator!
MM: And his opponent, hailing from the High Seas, weighing 265 pounds: Dread Pirate Mulligan!
*There’s a loud pop when “Shiver Me Timbers” from “Muppet Treasure Island” cues up. Mulligan appears on a scaffold near the entrance. He ziplines to the main mast and climbs down. After handing his flintlock and eye patch to referee John Creed, he takes a big drag from his wineskin and kicks the gangplank off the edge of the apron. He then assumes a fighting pose.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan looks loaded for bear tonight, no doubt eager to get revenge on the man who brutally attacked him after their last contest and stole his prized buccaneer hat.
JK: He should be loaded for gator, considering the stipulations of the match. Heh heh.
*Creed calls Caleb and Mulligan to the middle of the ring (or as close to the middle as they can with the masthead there) and goes over the rules. He motions for the bell and dives out of the way as the two lock up. Fourchon gets behind Mulligan and applies a hammerlock. DPM struggles and slaps his arm before reaching back and snapmaring Fourchon over his shoulder. CF keeps his hold onto Mulligan’s arm and applies a wrist lock. He gets up and puts DPM in a hammerlock again. Fourchon tries pushing DPM face first into the mast, but Mulligan gets a leg up. He then uses the mast to flip up and over Fourchon, breaking the hold.*
TH: An impressive display of agility by Dread Pirate Mulligan, and an excellent use of his environs.
*Mulligan puts Caleb in a full nelson and shakes him violently. Unable to slip free, CF wraps his own legs around the mast when Dread Pirate Mulligan tries to drag him over to the side of the ring. After a couple attempts of prying CF free, Mulligan releases, but not before clubbing Fourchon in the chest with a forearm. He stomps at Caleb until he lets go of the mast, then pulls him to his feet and rams him face first into the pole. When CF staggers backwards Mulligan wraps an arm around his waist and sweeps his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to the mat!*
TH: Nice STO by Mulligan. It appears the Pernicious Privateer’s strategy has become stun his opponent before trying to throw him over the side.
JK: Pfft. Some strategy.
*DPM again drags Fourchon to his feet and puts him in a front facelock. He begins to move towards the side of the ring closest to the hard camera, pulling Caleb with him. Fourchon manages to getl free and put Mulligan on the mat with a double leg takedown, but instead of following up the Cajun Crippler staggers towards the platform set up on the ramp’s side of the ring.*
TH: Caleb has escaped being tossed over the starboard side of the ship and is now climbing up onto the quarter deck, looking to recover from Mulligan’s earlier attacks.
JK: *grumbles*
*Caleb stands on the quarter deck and gets behind the ship’s wheel when he sees Mulligan coming up the steps after him. He keeps the prop between himself and DPM, until Mulligan snags his hair and slams his head against the helm. The pirate then gives the wheel a violent turn, sending Fourchon spinning to the mat. The crowd cheers in approval.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan has dominated so far, using the conditions this match provides to beat Fourchon pillar to post. He is clearly in his element.
JK: And what element is that: fake pirate ship?
*Mulligan hoists Caleb across his shoulders and applies a torture rack, stretching the Cajun wild man’s spine. After a couple bounces he turns and walks towards the ramp side ropes, but is forced to stop when Caleb grabs one of the helm’s spokes. DPM tries to yank him away from the wheel but Fourchon manages to smash his elbow into Mulligan’s face and land on his feet behind him, facing away. He wraps an arm around Mulligan’s neck, twists, and falls to his knees, cracking Mulligan’s back across his own. When Mulligan goes down Caleb runs the ropes. He leaps and hits a running crossbody on the rising DPM, slamming him into the helm, knocking it over. Both men fall to the mat as well, in clear pain and exhaustion.*
JK: Caleb Fourchon has rallied with a series of quick, devastating strikes, though he looks as out of it as Dread Pirate Mulligan is.
TH: The man’s a fighter, I’ll admit.
*Both men slowly get to their feet. Caleb tries a punch, but DPM catches his fist and puts him into a hammerlock, DDTing him onto the helm. As Fourchon lays motionless the Bellicose Buccaneer walks to the ringpost and climbs it.*
TH: Mulligan is heading to the top rope.
JK: Why? Doesn’t this idiot remember the goal of this match is to toss your opponent overboard- I mean out of the ring?
TH: I think he wants a bit revenge first, King. Though I wonder if whatever he has planned is any way worse than tossing Caleb into a tank of large alligators.
*When Mulligan gets to the top turnbuckle, he looks to the crowd and shouts “Yarrr!” before leaping down and crushing Caleb with a leg drop that smashes the prop helm to flinders! The crowd cheers madly at the impact. Both men stay down and motionless.*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan’s leg drop has destroyed the ship’s wheel, and very likely Caleb Fourchon as well!
*Both CF and DPM remain down for a long time. Referee John Creed climbs onto the quarter deck and examines both men. Mulligan gets to his feet first and staggers over to where Caleb is laid out and hoists him up. He puts Caleb in a vice grip and begins head butting him repeatedly until both men are busted open! “Where’s me hat, ye scurvy dog! Where’s me bloody hat?!” Mulligan screams into his face.*
JK: I think Dread Pirate Mulligan wants his hat back.
TH: I’d say you’re right, Jesse, and it looks like Caleb Fourchon is going to relent and give it to him.
*From his knees Caleb reaches into his jeans pocket and produces a wadded up piece of paper which he offers to Mulligan.*
TH: It’s the map Fourchon told Dread Pirate Mulligan he made to mark where he buried his hat.
*DPM releases the vice grip and grabs the parchment, but when he holds it up to examine Fourchon produces a lighter from his other hand and sets it alight. It explodes in Mulligan’s face!*
TH: Flash paper! That wasn’t a map, it was flash paper!
JK: *cackles madly* Brilliant!
*DPM staggers away, blinded, towards the edge of the raised platform, chin hairs smoldering.
JK: Look, Gorilla: Mulligan’s beard is on fire! Ha! Ha! Ha!
*Fourchon lurches to his feet and kicks Mulligan off the platform. DPM hits the mat hard and rolls until he hits the base of the main mast. The ref rushes over to check on him.*
TH: A big boot off the quarterdeck!
JK: That’s at least a six foot drop, Gorilla! Mulligan won’t be getting up any time soon!
*Caleb stumbles down the steps after him. He pushes John Creed out of the way and begins stomping at Mulligan. DPM lurches to his feet and goes after Fourchon, who kicks him in the gut and doubles him over. Hooking his leg, he drives Mulligan’s head to the mat with a fisherman DDT. Then he limps towards the platform closest to the announce table side of the ring. He bends down and begins looking underneath it.*
TH: Caleb is rummaging under the ship’s forecastle for something.
JK: It’s not a forecastle, or even a ship! It’s a damn wrestling ring! And Fourchon shouldn’t be wasting his time screwing around when the point of the match is to throw your opponent over the top rope!!
*CF stands and holds up what he was searching for: a burlap sack. Reaching inside he pulls out two things: Dread Pirate Mulligan’s hat and a staple gun.*
TH: Uh oh.
JK: I take it back. Caleb’s a genius!
*After beating down the rising Mulligan again with several clubbing forearms, Caleb takes the staple gun and begins to nail the hat to Mulligan’s scalp! The crowd shrieks in horror at DPM singed hair is now matted with blood.*
TH: This is disgusting. First he throws a fireball in Mulligan’s face, now the Cajun wild man is stapling his hat onto his head.
JK: The man wanted his hat back, didn’t he? And you seem more upset about this than the fact that the match can only end when one of these two is thrown into a tank of hungry alligators!
*Caleb drags Mulligan to his feet. Holding behind the head, he leads him to the side of the ring opposite the hard camera, and throws him over the top rope.*
JK: Pirate off the port side!
*Mulligan is able to grab onto the rope and twist his body so he lands on the apron. Fourchon tries to push him into the tank, but DPM fights back, elbowing Caleb in the face and forcing him to retreat. He clambers over the rope just as one of the alligators rises from the water and snaps at his leg.*
TH: Close call for Dread Pirate Mulligan there.
JK: You got that right, Gorilla: that gator smelled blood, and too bad for Mulligan it was his!
*Mulligan rips the gore stained hat and several patches of his own hair off his head. His face is now the proverbial crimson mask. He charges at Fourchon and begins hammering at him with rights and lefts, knocking him back towards the hard camera side of the ring. He sends CF pinwheeling with a discus clothesline before dropping to his knees.*
TH: Fourchon’s down, but so is Mulligan: that last flurry of offense took a lot out of the Battling Buccaneer.
*As the crowd begins to chant his name Mulligan seems to find a reserve of energy. He stands and walks over to Fourchon. Pulling him to his feet he whips him into the steps leading up to the forecastle deck. CF winces I pain at the impact and crawls on his hands and knees to escape. Mulligan pursues. Grabbing the retreating Fourchon he rams him head first into the foremast. And again! And again! Until Fourchon’s face is as bloody as his own. Mulligan leads his reeling opponent to the edge and flips him over, only to see Caleb grab the top rope with both hands.*
TH: Caleb Fourchon has managed to save himself after that hellacious beating!
*As Caleb dangles over the side of the ring, roughly ten feet over the tanks, a pair of alligators lazily swim towards him.*
JK: Uh oh, Gorilla: I don’t like the looks of this!
*DPM begins pounding on the back of Caleb’s neck and shoulders, trying to make him release his hold on the ropes. He pries at Fourchon’s hands, then bites his fingers. Finally, Caleb kicks away from the raised part of the ring and leaps-*
TH and JK: AHHH!
*- onto the jutting spire coming out from the ring! The Cajun Crippler pauses and catches his breath, before looking back towards Mulligan.*
JK: Wow! What a leap by Caleb onto that… thingee!
TH: It’s called the bowsprit, King. And it was impressive, but now what’s he going to do? He’s trapped!
*Fourchon slowly begins to shimmy his way up the bowsprit, past the tanks and over the announce table. The crowd boos loudly when they see that CF is trying to escape his fate. Suddenly, Mulligan leaps onto the bowsprit as well and climbs after him!*
TH: Dread Pirate Mulligan has followed Caleb Fourchon out onto the ship’s bowsprit!
JK: Uh, Gorilla, I don’t like the way that thing is sagging.
*The bowsprit does begin to sway and dip from the weight of both men. Caleb kicks back at DPM to try and force him off the beam, but Mulligan blocks the shots. There is a loud crack, and the bowsprit gives way!*
TH: Look out!
*The bowsprit and Caleb crash into the announcer’s table, while Mulligan manages to snag the rigging leading from it and swings back to the apron! There is a long pause as he recovers and several members of the WWCF Prop Department check out the fallen bowsprit. Caleb, meanwhile, is still on the table, and rolls over onto his back. When DPM sees him moving he goes back to where his hat lays and puts it on. He screams “Yarr!” and runs up to the forecastle deck, leaps, grabs the rigging that saved him earlier, swings out, and creams the prone Fourchon with a cannonball senton!*
TH: Great Neptune!
*The announce table collapses under both men’s weight. More WWCF staff come out to examine them, including eventually referee John Creed, who hasn’t called for the bell.*
JK: This match still isn’t over yet, Gorilla. No one has been thrown in the moat!
*Finally DPM lurches to his feet and pushes the EMTs checking on him aside. He grabs Fourchon by the wrist and begins to drag him back towards the tanks. Caleb comes to and struggles to resist, shaking his head back and forth and clawing at the ground to try and halt his movement. With one last bit of strength Mulligan lifts Fourchon onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry, then slams him into the tanks!*
TH: He did it! He did it! Dread Pirate Mulligan has won the Walk the Plank Match!
JK: He also maybe committed murder too, with the entire WWCF Galaxy as witnesses!
*The gators swim towards Caleb, who begins to splash around wildly. He manages to pull himself out of the water by grabbing the broken bowsprit and flops over the side just as one of the reptiles lashes out and bites his upper thigh. The Cajun wild man leaps to his feet and runs off, jumping the barricade and stumbling through the jeering audience.*
MM: Here is your winner, Dread Pirate Mulligan!
*DPM lets Creed raise his arm before collapsing to the mat. A swarm of medicos surround him.*
TH: An amazing contest, King. I don’t recall ever seeing anything like it.
JK: And I hope we never do again. Look at this mess!
TH: It is going to take a while to clean up, isn’t it? We’ll be taking a break in the action, folks, so in the meantime enjoy this exclusive trailer for “Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides”, the official sponsor of the Walk the Plank Match.
TIM HOSS: Fans, I'm just getting word now that the WWCF has come to terms on the release of WWCF superstar Jazzman as of today, December 27, 2010. We wish Jazzman the best in all future endeavors.
JESSE KING: That's right, Gorilla. There just wasn't anything for him to do, and even though it's just two days after Christmas you can't let things like that factor in when you're running a wrestling promotion.
TIM HOSS: To be blunt, Jazzman just wasn't a draw. Anybody who tells you that fans would always cheer for him is lying, and if they show you footage of prior WWCF shows where fans seem to be cheering for Jazzman, that just means that they dubbed the cheers in after the fact.
JESSE KING: Yes, and the reason he never clicked with the fans was his wrestling style. It was confusing for the WWCF Galaxy to see a guy doing a handspring enzuigiri when they had never seen anybody else do it before. If Jazzman had just stuck to clotheslines and power slams, he might still be employed.
TIM HOSS: Finally, he was just too small. At a stringbean-like 236 lbs, he was undersized for a wrestler. If only he had taken steroids and human growth hormone. Anyway, it's time for our next match...
MICHAEL MUFFER: The following contest is set for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit, and it is for the WWCF World Tag Team Championships!
*"New Blackjacks Theme"*
MICHAEL MUFFER: Introducing first! From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 235 lbs...Little Naitch!
*Naitch struts out in his robe amid a display of flickering lights, to a big pop from the crowd. Naitch gets in the ring and removes his robe, as the music changes to "DOA"*
MICHAEL MUFFER: And his partner...from Los Angeles, California, and weighing in at 240 lbs...being accompanied to the ring by Mr. Hideo Nakatomi...Jonathan Michaels!
*Video of dangerous film stunts is shown on the CrapTron as smoke belches from the entrance area. Michaels emerges from the smoke to an arena full of cheers, followed by Nakatomi. They walk to the ring together, and as Michaels climbs in to join Naitch, both of them can be seen to glare as "You've Got Another Thing Coming" hits*
MICHAEL MUFFER: Their opponents! They are the WWCF World Tag Team Champions! Weighing in at a combined 445 lbs...Johnny Stone and Ryan Blood!
*Blood & Stone appear on the ramp, the boos raining down on them. They stride down to the ring, staring at Michaels and Naitch, both of whom stare back with hatred. As Blood & Stone reach the ringside area, Naitch and Michaels abruptly exit the ring and attack the champions!*
JESSE KING: Time out! Foul! They have to wait for the match to start!
TIM HOSS: I don't think they care, Jesse!
*As Lloyd McFloyd tries in vain to establish order, Naitch and Stone hammer away on one another with punches. Michaels wins his exchange with Blood and sends him to the floor with a stiff clothesline! Blood looks out of it as Michaels picks him up, pulls his jacket over his head to blind him, and then flings him into the barricade! Blood crashes into it with a loud "BANG!" Before he knows what hit him, Jono has clotheslined him again, sending him into the cheering crowd!*
JESSE KING: Blood's right about these fans! They're all idiots, cheering for guys who resort to such underhanded tactics!
TIM HOSS: It's their constitutionally guaranteed right of free speech, King.
JESSE KING: Hmph, where's King George III when you need him?
*Naitch hits the floor after taking a series of hits from Stone! Stone follows up by stomping on Naitch before pulling him up and flinging him toward the steel ring steps--only for Naitch to reverse and cause Stone to crash into the steel before falling back to the floor! Stone hits the steps hard and is also down a second later. Meanwhile, among the crowd, Jonathan Michaels stalks Ryan Blood, blasting him with a hard shot whenever he's on the verge of getting back to his feet! Blood is trying to put some distance between himself and Michaels in order to catch a breather, but it all seems to be in vain. The fans are cheering Michaels on and taunting Blood. Suddenly, Blood reaches out and grabs a woman in the crowd! She tries to get away from him, but his grip's too strong, and Blood throws her at Michaels!*
TIM HOSS: What kind of man is Blood, throwing an innocent woman at his opponent like that?!
JESSE KING: A smart man!
*Fortunately, Michaels is able to catch the lady without any harm coming to either of them...but it slows him down just enough for Blood to get to his feet and undo the championship belt still around his waist. As Michaels untangles himself from the woman, Blood smashes the belt into his face! Michaels goes down, and Blood doubles over, breathing hard and holding his side*
JESSE KING: Oh man, that was beautiful! I can't believe I ever disliked this guy. And he can't be disqualified for that because the bell still hasn't rung!
TIM HOSS: I wish I could argue that point, King, but it's true. Until they get in the ring and the match starts, there aren't any rules for anybody to break.
*Naitch and Stone have both gotten to their feet. Stone rushes at Naitch, who counters with a backdrop--Stone manages to land on his feet behind Naitch, though, spins around, and picks up Naitch for a belly to back suplex! Naitch hits the floor hard, and Stone rolls him into the ring before he can recover! As McFloyd rings the bell, Stone follows Naitch in. The match is now officially underway.
WWCF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Jonathan Michaels & Little Naitch vs. Ryan Blood & Johnny Stone
*Blood has left Michaels lying in the crowd and is heading back to the ring as quickly as he can. The legal men are, of course, Naitch and Stone, the latter of whom immediately covers*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Jono's getting back to his feet with some help from the fans, and trying to shake off the effects of the belt shot. Blood has reached the barricade and pulls himself over, handing his belt and jacket to the timekeeper on his way to the ring. Stone gets Naitch in a Cobra Clutch in the ring, but just when it seems as if he's about to pass out Naitch powers himself and Stone into the corner, knocking the wind out of Stone as he hits the turnbuckles and freeing himself from the hold. Naitch takes a few steps before he Flair-flops down to the mat*
TIM HOSS: Naitch has managed to extricate himself from a bad situation, but he's still at a disadvantage, with both of the champions now in the match and Michaels much too far away to tag in.
*Stone out of the corner, catching Naitch with a kick to the gut as he rises! Stone lifts Naitch up and falls backwards for a reverse powerbomb, sending Naitch facefirst into the mat! Stone tags in Blood as he climbs onto the apron*
JESSE KING: And here comes Blood! This is what they need to do: take advantage of every single second to wear down Naitch while it's still two on one!
TIM HOSS: That was your kind of fight, huh?
JESSE KING (defensively): Not always! Only when I was one of the guys doing the double-teaming!
TIM HOSS: I stand corrected.
*Michaels is moving through the crowd towards the ring, but he has a long way to go and for now it's still two on one in the champions' favor. Blood into the ring to hit Naitch with a rolling elbow/discus clothesline combo that sends him back down! Cover by Blood*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Michaels has closed about half the distance to the ring as Blood tags Stone back in before picking Naitch up and slamming him down! Blood's out of the ring and into his and Stone's corner right before Stone flies off the top rope and lands on Naitch with an big elbow drop! Stone rolls off of Naitch, and Blood leaps off the top to connect with another elbow drop! Blood gets out of the ring before McFloyd finishes the count, and Stone makes a cover*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
TIM HOSS: Tremendous fortitude on display here from Little Naitch, being able to kick out after absorbing two crushing top rope elbow drops!
*Michaels is finally back at ringside and rushes into the ring at Stone--only to be cut off by McFloyd, who orders him into his corner! Michaels reluctantly exits the ring as Stone whips Naitch into the corner with Blood, who holds onto the man as Stone rushes in and connects with a big splash!*
TIM HOSS: What a splash from Johnny Stone!
*Stone pulls Naitch out of the corner, turns around with his back to Blood, and reaches out to make another tag before bringing Naitch down onto his knee with a Manhattan drop! Naitch sinks to his knees as Stone moves out of the way--Blood into the ring now, and he nails Naitch with a step-up enzuigiri! Naitch hits the mat! Cover by Blood now*
One!
Two!
Shoulder up!
JESSE KING: Seems there's still some fight left in Naitch, but he's being worn down!
*Blood gets Naitch up and applies a waistlock, backing up and preparing for a release German suplex into the turnbuckles. But before he can hit it, Naitch elbows him several times in the head, forcing him to let go, then grabs Blood and body slams him in the middle of the ring!*
TIM HOSS: Narrow escape by Naitch there! Now if he can just tag Jono in, things will start looking up for the challengers!
*Naitch forces himself to stand after hitting the slam and closes the distance between himself and Michaels, making the hot tag! Michaels is in just as Blood is groggily standing, and he unloads on Blood with rights and lefts!
TIM HOSS: If I were Jonathan Michaels, I'd be feeling great right now! He probably hasn't been able to wait to get his hands on Ryan Blood!
*Blood is staggered and is whipped into the ropes by Michaels! Blood ducks Jono's clothesline attempt on the way back, bounces off the ropes on the other side--and is speared out of his boots on the return! Jono springs up and waits for Blood to get to his feet...as soon as Blood is up, Michaels blasts him in the face with Fade To Black!*
TIM HOSS: FADE TO BLACK! Countless opponents have been defeated by that move!
JESSE KING: You can count them, Gorilla, if you bothered to pay attention in second grade math and go over Jono's career match by match.
TIM HOSS: Figure of speech, King.
*Blood's eyes roll back in his head, and a second later he hits the mat! Jono covers*
One!
Two!
Thr--STONE RUNS IN AND HITS MICHAELS, BREAKING UP THE PIN!*
TIM HOSS: Damn it, Michaels had Blood pinned there!
JESSE KING: Well then, Naitch should have been in quicker to cut off Stone!
*As if hearing what King said Naitch is in the ring now, brawling with Stone! McFloyd gets in between them and orders them back to their respective corners. Both men grudgingly obey, at the same time as Michaels has recovered from Stone's attack and covers Blood again*
One!
Two!
Shoulder up!
JESSE KING (Nelson Muntz-like): HAW-haw!
*Michaels goes to lock on the Key Grip, but by now Blood's got the strength to shove him away with both legs! Blood's up and goes on the attack, dropkicking Michaels' legs out from under him! Blood throws Michaels through the ropes to the outside, and starts making his way over to tag Stone*
TIM HOSS: He's bought himself some time, but the question is whether it's enough...
*Stone gets tagged in, just as Michaels is back on the apron. Stone rushes over and nails Jono with a hard punch, before picking him up and bringing him back into the ring with a brainbuster! Cover by Stone*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Stone hits Michaels with a full nelson slam, and tags Blood back in. As soon as Michaels is vertical Blood blasts him another rolling elbow and continues to spin to go for the discus clothesline--but Michaels catches his arm and counters it into an armwringer!*
TIM HOSS: A beautiful counter by Jonathan Michaels!
*Michaels forces Blood down, delivering several nasty kicks to his chest at the same time! He maneuvers Blood over to his corner and tags in Naitch. Blood stumbles away as Michaels leaves the ring. As soon as he turns around he takes a hard chop to his already battered chest! Blood cries out in pain and staggers back! The crowd encourages Naitch with a "WOOOOO!" as he follows up with more chops!*
TIM HOSS: Naitch is beating Blood like a government mule!
JESSE KING: I think that kind of hostility is pretty common towards anybody in government, not just mules!
*Naitch picks Blood up and hits his left leg with an atomic knee drop! Blood howls and rolls around, clutching the leg! Naitch stomps on the damaged limb a few times before dropping an elbow on Blood--but Blood rolls out of the way! Naitch winces, and gets up clutching his elbow. Blood is also up, but is doubled over and has a slight limp. Naitch goes for a belly to back suplex, but it's blocked by Blood, who counters it into a hiptoss! Blood limps over to the prone Naitch, pulling him up and flinging him into the corner! Blood follows him in and rams his shoulder into Naitch's stomach several times, before snapmaring him out of the corner, bringing him up with a waistlock...release German suplex into the turnbuckles! Naitch is down*
TIM HOSS: And Ryan Blood has suddenly turned the tide!
*Blood lifts Naitch and plants him on the top rope, climbs up...*
JESSE KING: Time for the ADH!
*Naitch is brought back into the ring with the ADH! Blood covers*
One!
Two!
*Hideo Nakatomi grabs Naitch's foot and puts it on the rope*
Thr--McFloyd sees Naitch's foot and breaks the count!
JESSE KING: Mr. Nakatomi is learning! He's on his way to filling the managerial void filled by The Sam before he went on to bigger things! Now if only he was helping somebody more deserving than Jonathan Michaels...
*Blood sees Nakatomi, and shouts something at him. The old man barely reacts, except for a slight upturning of the corners of his mouth*
TIM HOSS: And Ryan Blood is not happy!
JESSE KING: Hmm, imagine if he were managing the WWCF World Tag Team Champions, Gorilla! That would be awesome! But I guess it's not too likely, after that whole "wanting to end their careers" thing. Oh well.
*Blood slides out of the ring and down to the floor to go after Nakatomi, who runs away...*
JESSE KING: Hey, he's pretty fast for a guy his age!
*...Blood gives chase, and is led right into Jonathan Michaels, who hits him with a second Fade To Black on the floor!*
TIM HOSS: Not a wise move by Blood there. He could have worked on Naitch some more, but his temper got the better of him. That's the kind of mistake that can lose you a championship, particularly after you take a second Fade To Black like that!
*A fury comes over Michaels as he starts kicking and stomping Blood's left leg on the floor! Blood screams in pain with each blow! The ref's count is at four by now. Michaels picks up Blood and RAMS HIS BAD LEG INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!*
JESSE KING: Holy crap, look at what he's doing to Blood's leg! This is inhuman!
TIM HOSS: After everything that Blood's done to Michaels and his girlfriend, Sara Nakatomi, you're honestly surprised? And anyway, this is sound strategy. Clearly he's softening Blood up for a Figure Four from Naitch.
*The ref's count is up to seven as Hideo orders Michaels to get Blood back into the ring. Jono rolls Blood back in to a waiting Naitch. Naitch has recovered from the ADH by now. He pulls Blood into the middle of the ring and goes to lock on the Figure Four, but Blood is somehow able to shove Naitch away with his good leg! Naitch stumbles backward and the back of his head happens to connect with Lloyd McFloyd's face! McFloyd goes down*
TIM HOSS: Ouch! Hopefully Lloyd's okay and will be able to officiate the rest of this match. Preferably in time to see Blood tapping out to the Figure Four!
JESSE KING: Biased announcer is biased.
TIM HOSS: If I am, nobody will ever pick up on it when you're the other half of the announce team. Kind of like how sitting next to Sean Fausz will make anybody look skinny.
JESSE KING: Who?
TIM HOSS: Just trust me, he's very, very fat.
*Naitch goes to lock on the Figure Four again, and this time Blood can't do anything about it! Almost immediately, Blood starts to tap--but McFloyd is still out! Stone takes advantage by running in and dropping a leg on Naitch's head! Naitch is knocked silly and relaxes the pressure on Blood*
TIM HOSS: That's TWICE that Naitch and Michaels have had this match won now!
JESSE KING: Oh, get over it.
*Michaels runs in...just as McFloyd starts to get up and realizes that there shouldn't be four men in the ring! McFloyd orders both of them out. Michaels complies, visibly frustrated. So does Stone, visibly pleased*
TIM HOSS: Ryan Blood is really gonna owe Johnny Stone after tonight, if they retain their championships!
*Blood drags himself closer and closer to Stone to make the legal tag as Naitch gradually recovers his senses. Naitch gets up and turns around just in time to see Stone tagged in. Stone is on Naitch a second later and staggers him with a stiff punch, before locking on a bearhug! He ratchets up the pressure on Naitch's back as the seconds tick by, but finally Naitch is able to free himself by clapping his hands over Stone's ears until he releases the hold. Naitch tags in Michaels!*
JESSE KING: I've got a feeling that this match is going to end soon, Gorilla. These guys can't last forever.
*Michaels goes for a clothesline on Stone, but Stone ducks, bounces off the ropes, and brings Jono down with a running headbutt! Stone picks Michaels up and goes for a powerbomb--but Michaels is able to counter with a backdrop! Both men slowly get to their feet as their partners look on...*
TIM HOSS: You're probably right about that, Jesse. Blood's leg can't be in good shape and he's taken two Fade To Blacks, Naitch has been hit with an ADH, Michaels got nailed with the championship belt earlier on, and Stone was thrown into those unforgiving steel ring steps around the same time.
*Stone catches Michaels, gets him up on his shoulder, and nails him with a Canadian backbreaker before going for the cover*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Stone brings Michaels up for a Michinoku Driver II, but Jono catches his head and brings him down with a reverse DDT! Michaels covers*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
*Michaels picks up Stone for a sidewalk slam, but Stone punches him in the face on the way up, forcing Michaels to let go! Stone lands on his feet and plants Michaels with a front powerslam! Cover by Stone*
One!
Two!
Kickout!
TIM HOSS: Both of these guys are hitting one another with their best shots, and neither of them are staying down for long!
*As Michaels starts to get up, Stone goes to bounce off the ropes in preparation to hit Michaels with something else, but Hideo Nakatomi grabs Stone's foot, stopping him in his tracks! Stone turns around and kicks Nakatomi off, causing the old man to lose his balance. This has bought Jono precious seconds, though, and he meets Stone with a big spinebuster as the other man turns back to face him! Blood, meanwhile, climbs off the ring apron and heads over to Hideo Nakatomi before he can get up and run away. Before he knows what's happening, the old man is kicked in the gut and crumples to the arena floor. Blood grabs a mic, and stomps on Hideo to make sure he stays down before joining him on the arena floor and catching him in a body scissors! Nakatomi struggles to get free, but it's all in vain. Michaels has just now noticed Hideo's predicament and makes a move to help him, when Blood yells into the mic...*
BLOOD: STOP RIGHT THERE, MICHAELS! COME ONE STEP CLOSER AND THIS OLD BASTARD IS DEAD!!!
*Michaels stops in his tracks, suddenly seeming undecided*
BLOOD: Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how this is gonna work, Jono. You're gonna get on your back while Johnny pins you. You and I both know that I can really hurt this guy before you get close enough to stop me. Like this!
*Blood grabs Hideo's hand the, and the camera's microphone registers a "SNAP!" Hideo lets out a horrible scream!*
TIM HOSS: OH MY GOD! Nakatomi's far from my favorite person, but he doesn't deserve this!
BLOOD: That was his thumb, Jono. He's got four more fingers, which I'll break one after the other the longer you take to do what I tell you...then I'll break his arm...then I'll start on the fingers of his other hand...and so on. That's if you don't comply. You do what I want, and I won't break any of those things. Hey, Mr. Nakatomi, what's your opinion? Do you think Michaels should do as I say? Answer carefully, because the well-being of your whacking-off hand is at stake.
*Blood thrusts the mic into Hideo's face, where it picks up whimpers of pain.*
NAKATOMI: Jonathan! Do what he says!
*Blood pulls the mic back, a cheshire cat grin on his face*
BLOOD: There you go, Michaels. You've got your orders.
*Michaels is literally quaking with fury, and his teeth are clenched as he turns around and gets back into the ring, where Johnny Stone is waiting for him. Michaels gives Naitch a pleading and apologetic look, starts to lie down...and then is pulled up by Naitch, who has entered the ring and is exchanging heated words with him. Michaels points to the outside, to Blood and Nakatomi. Naitch is getting angrier by the second. Focused as he is on Michaels, he doesn't see Stone coming at him and gets laid out by the Rock Crusher! Michaels spins around to face Stone, enraged, but Stone says something to him and points to the mat. Whereas a moment before it looked as if Michaels was going to attack Stone, all the resistance seems to drain out of him as he assumes a defeated expression*
BLOOD: Hey, Michaels! Chop chop! Maybe you need another incentive...
*Blood breaks another of Hideo's fingers, and makes sure to position the mic so that it picks up the ear-splitting scream of agony that accompanies it!*
TIM HOSS: This is sickening!
BLOOD: NOW, you piece of s***. Is Sara watching this? What do you suppose she thinks of the show so far? Hiddy baby, you got any opinion on the current state of things?
NAKATOMI (sobbing, and shrieking into the mic): DAMN IT, LIE DOWN AND LET HIM PIN YOU!!!
*Michaels immediately gets on his back, and Stone covers*
One!
Two!
Three!
MICHAEL MUFFER: Here are your winners, and still WWCF World Tag Team Champions....Ryan Blood and Johnny Stone!
BLOOD: Good boy, Michaels.
*Stone gets to his feet and has his hand raised. As Michaels is rising, Stone pulls his hand away from the ref and hits Jono full force with another Rock Crusher! He then joins Blood outside the ring. Blood high fives his partner and releases the hold on Nakatomi, who falls onto his back, gasping and wincing from the pain of his broken fingers*
BLOOD: Michaels, we did what I told you we'd do. We taught you another life lesson. And damned if it wasn't fun!
*Blood hands the mic to Stone*
STONE: Hey Jonny Boy! Hey, man, if you are still conscious, don't be spiteful to me, eh? I was going to beat you legally anyways, but this way you don't get hurt too much, so be grateful.
Anyways, there's a known rule in life that all pussy comes with a price. But, you got to ask yourself, is this Hello Kitty you be dippin' worth bein' a slave to some tiny fishmonger? Before you go hootin' and hollerin', ask yourself that, and by the way, a fruit basket for tellin' the truth be might neighborly of you.
*Boos from the crowd. Tons of boos. Stone offers the mic back to Blood, who accepts it*
BLOOD: Valid points there, buddy. And how about you, Hiddy? You're learning a valuable lesson too, aren't you, little man? For one thing, you've learned that when you're STUPID enough to put your hands on a trained professional wrestler, he's not always going to go as easy on you as Naitch did a while back.
*Blood gets down on one knee and puts his face right up against Hideo's, close enough that the older man can feel his breath as he speaks*
BLOOD: I've had broken bones in the past. I know they don't feel good. Why, the pain you're in now has got to be making you reconsider ever being in the same building with Blood & Stone again, let alone interfering in our affairs while you're there. You know what, Hiddy? I'm in a good mood from winning. I won't hurt you any more. Get out of here.
*Nakatomi breathes a sigh of relief. He gets to his feet, clutching the wrist of the hand with his broken fingers, and takes a step toward the ramp...before Blood catches him by the collar and yanks him back*
BLOOD: Allow me to elaborate: I won't hurt you any more. But you know something? When you order somebody to "destroy" us, to "cripple" us, to "make sure we never so much as breathe on our own" again, and when your little minion over there comes close to actually making that happen...well, that's not easily forgiven. Particularly not by the guy who almost got crippled. Time for him to have some fun.
*Blood shoves Nakatomi towards Stone, who promptly takes him down and locks on the Judo Joint Jacker! Blood shoves the mic in Nakatomi's face, laughing and literally rubbing the microphone all over Nakatomi's face, with his wails, shrieks, and screams being broadcast all over the Parts Unknown Arena! The crowd isn't booing now--shots of them just show them looking horrified or sick! And then there's a loud "CRACK!" picked up by the mic, and...*
TIM HOSS: OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HIS ARM!!!
*Hideo's arm is not only now bent at an angle that no human arm was ever meant to bend at, his bone has not only snapped, but it has literally pierced his flesh and the sleeve of his jacket! A pool of blood is accumulating underneath the old man, and he is now too hoarse to even scream any more! Blood and Stone grab their belts and head to the back, laughing, Stone with the mic*
STONE: Whoo doggy, he ain't gonna be ping-ponging for a long dang time! Hey, let that be a lesson to you on stayin' out of the rasslin' business, bitch!
*EMTs are clustered around Hideo now that they can get to him. Michaels has gotten up and is out of the ring, kneeling by Hideo, a look of concern on his face. Naitch, meanwhile, is making no move toward his tag team partner or paying any attention to him or Hideo. He's sitting up in the ring, his expression one of extreme frustration*
TIM HOSS: Fans, I have no idea what to say to this. I've only seen an injury this severe a couple of times during my years in the business, and I've never seen it deliberately inflicted like that!
JESSE KING: I'm glad that Blood & Stone won, but even I feel a little queasy looking at Nakatomi right now...
WWCF Hardcore Championship: Metal V. Super Masked Hero X
Muffer - The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a twenty minute time limit, and it is for the WWCF Hardcore Championship!
*Fatal KO*
Muffer - Introducing first, the challenger. From Planet X, weighing in at 300 pounds, Super Masked Hero X!
Super Masked Hero X enters, and he's wearing a Santa hat and a fake beard, and he's also carrying a sack full of toys. He drops the sack in one corner of the ring.
Hoss - Super Masked Hero X in the holiday spirit, Jess.
King - What an idiot. Doesn’t he know Christmas was two days ago?
Hoss - Maybe they celebrate it later on Planet X.
*Caught In a Mosh*
Muffer - And his opponent. From Kent, England, weighing in at 263 pounds, he is the WWCF Hardcore Champion, Metal!
Metal walks out, holding his trademark drumsticks, wearing the Hardcore Championship around his waist.
King - Then again, as bad as X is, at least he’s not this guy.
Hoss - Metal has been undergoing a career resurgence, Jess. He’s the Hardcore Champion, he’s got a guaranteed World Title match, who wouldn’t want to be him right now?
King - I’ll tell ya who. Me.
Referee Will Alphonzo calls for the bell.
The match begins with Super Masked Hero X posing, and flexing his muscles, which get the crowd cheering for him, but Metal wastes no time and shoves X, who gets pushed back. Immediately after that the two charge and get into a fistfight with each other!
Hoss - And here we go, both men with fists a-blazing!
During the fist-fight, X gets hit in the eyes, which stuns him momentarily and gives Metal the chance to use his Double Bass DDT! X breaks free and uses his brute strength to push away Metal, who gets unbalanced and falls to the floor -- however, Metal seems more surprised than hurt.
King - Wipe that dumb look off your face, get up, and fight!
Hoss - Easy, Jess.
X takes this chance and immediately goes toward his Christmas sack, and takes out a kendo stick... several kendo sticks taped together making it look like a 2x4. Metal is on his feet, and he ducks and avoid X's kendo-sticks swing. Metal grabs the Christmas sack, takes out the first object he could grab, and takes out a small and fluffy teddy bear. X swings his kendo-sticks again, and this time it hits Metal in the head, and he goes down! X takes the small and fluffy teddy bear and throws it in the direction of the audience! X drops the kendo-sticks, and cover!
1!
Kickout!
Hoss - Metal kicks out on that occasion.
King - Stay on him, X! You can beat this chump!
X grabs the kendo-sticks once again, raising it in the air. He waits for Metal to get back up, and when he did X starts swinging and repeatedly hits Metal in the back with the kendo-sticks! The crowd starts counting the number of hits, and after over 20 hits to the back the kendo-sticks break, and Metal hits the floor once again. X drags Metal into the center of the ring, and after one elbow-drop for good measure, X looks around the ring, and walks toward one corner.
Hoss - What does Super Masked Hero X have in mind here?
Super Masked Hero X climbs up the turnbuckle, and he poses for the crowd before getting ready for an elbow drop, standing on top of the turnbuckles. However, Metal recovers from the attack and runs toward X! Metal climbs up, and he pushes X back! X falls out of the ring, landing on his side!
King - See what all that posturing gets you?!
X is conscious, but he's groaning in pain. Metal grabs another object from the sack, and takes out several Christmas lights!
Hoss - Uh-oh Jess. Someone’s about to get lit up- literally!
Metal exits the ring, with the Christmas lights wrapped around his fist. X is trying to stand up, but his head gets caught by Metal's fist! He goes down, and Metal covers!
1!
2!
Kickout!
King - That wasn’t enough to keep him down! X is still in this!
Metal starts punching X who's still on the floor. After hitting X several times in the head, Metal stops, and he removes the Christmas lights from his fist. He takes them out and wraps them around X's neck, choking him!
Hoss - Oh my god, Metal is choking out Hero X with Christmas decorations!
X is running out of air. He tries to stand up, and try to break free, but Metal tightens the lights around his neck, and he's back on the floor. Cover!
1!
2!
Thr--Kickout!
Hoss - So close right there! I thought he had it!
It was barely a kickout, but Masked Hero X manages to save the match from ending! Metal doesn't bother taking out the Christmas lights that are still around X's neck. He goes for another Double Bass DDT, but Masked Hero X grabs the ring apron, and won't let go! Metal hits X with a headbutt, and then a big boot, but X continues to hold on to the ring apron!
King - X is holding on for dear life now, Gorilla!
X seems to be shaking the damage off, and Metal goes for another DDT, but X manages to push him back with one hand! X lets go of the ring apron, and he immediately falls down on one knee, still groggy from all the attacks. Metal goes in for the kill, but X manages to push him down once again as he starts standing back up! X is still feeling the effects of Metal's attacks, but he gets back up.
Hoss - X trying to get back in this thing, Jess.
Metal charges toward X, and it seems X is about to fall again -- but X had raised his arm, and his elbow aimed at Metal's head. As he goes down, still feeling the effect of Metal's attack, X manages to land a bionic elbow to Metal's head! Both men are down!
King - They’re both in trouble now, Gorilla!
X crawls into the ring, and lay there next to his Christmas sack. Metal follows, entering the ring. X is back on his feet, and he took out from his sack a mini-Christmas tree. He swings! and misses! Metal kicks him in the gut, and he goes for the Double Bass DDT, and it hits! Cover!
1!
2!
Thre-KICKOUT!
King - Another close call, Gorilla!
Metal climbs on the turnbuckle, getting ready for a top-rope clothesline. X slowly starts to get back up, and Metal jumps! X had taken out the Christmas lights that were in his neck and wrapped it around his fist, and he punches Metal in the stomach! Metal is on his knees!
Hoss - X turns the tables on the Champ with those Christmas lights!
X is behind Metal, and he grabs him and lifts him up and hits the German suplex! Metal is down. X is leaning on the corner, and raises his right hand up. Metal is on his feet, and Super Masked Hero X charges and Metal gets hit by the Blazing Lariat! Metal is down!
King - Blazing lariat! This has to be it!
X is standing in the ring, listening to the crowd's cheering. He grabs Metal from the ground, and he lifts Metal up, and it seems that he's about to do a Gorilla Press slam. However, he walks toward the edge of the ring, near the announce table.
King - Hey, wait a minute!
Hoss and King quickly get out of the way.
Lifting Metal up high, Super Masked Hero X tosses Metal into the announce table, which breaks upon impact!
Hoss - Did you see that?! Metal dropped right through our table!
Super Masked Hero X climbs up the top turnbuckle, and leaps and hits Metal with a big splash! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Here is your winner, and the NEW WWCF Hardcore Champion, Super Masked Hero X!
Super Masked Hero X celebrates. He raises the Hardcore Championship high in the air! He grabs something from his Christmas sack: another sack, filled with candy. Masked Hero X starts throwing candy at the audience.
Hoss - How bout that Jess? We have a new Hardcore Champion in Super Masked Hero X!
King - Yeah, and a broken announce table! Someone get a ring crew out here, STAT!!!
Muffer: The following match is sched-
Unkown voice: You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Square has finally come home
*I Don't Care hits as Square walks out in front of the WWCF crowd for the first time in 3 months*
King: People said that this would never happen again, the Revolution of Evolution back in WWCF but I guess it's a late Christmas present.
Hoss: Square hasn't been heard or seen since he left back in early September, when he quit after a dispute with other talent, and it certainly is a shock to see the two time tag team champion back in a WWCF ring.
Square: Well first thing first, merry Christmas everyone. And secondly, I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! It honestly feels so great to be back, and it's all change here. People coming and going, new stars rising up the ranks whilst the old fat has been cut it's all good. But somethings always remain the same; Viva bitching and moaning about crap, Starshine thinking he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and Caleb Fourchon still can't speak English properly.
I've had months away to think about stuff and I came to the conclusion that WWCF is my home, and I have bled way to much in this ring to have walked away like I did, but I'm is back with eyes on DR Jackson and that big old belt he carries around because I want and will get the world title.
The revolution has only just begun!
*Square hands back the mic and starts to make his way to the back*
Hoss: Short and sweet, but he's made his point loud and clear. He is back for the gold and nothing will stop him from becoming world champion.
King: Yeah thats all well and good, but can we have the real Square back? He's missing his arrogance, that me, me, me attitude that got him two tag titles.
Hoss: It was more the fact that he is a fantastic competitor than his attitude, and maybe the fact that this seems to be a new and improved Square can see him go further in the singles division