Hunt. Hunt.
Post by Thread Pirate Roberts on Sept 12, 2007 3:31:35 GMT -5
Last Episode here : officialfan.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=offtopic&thread=1187768924
Greetings once again from The Pirates Cove this long overdue edition finds us on a trip down south to visit with the one and
only Kash "Champ" Flagg.
We find Mr. Flagg at a little honky tonk bar and grill surrounded by Form letters from various studios rejecting his latest
Screenplay, a remake of Roadhouse starring an all chimpanzee cast. A laptop on which he is typing away at, And a few pitchers of beer
Stupid question time!
1. Roadhouse, Just a movie or the new Bible?
It is in fact a way of life. Before I became who I am today, I was lazy, shiftless, going from one place to the next with no meaning in my sad lonely life. After just ONE viewing of Roadhouse, my mind was set free. I learn that it's NOT ok to feel some guy's wife's boobs for money without going all the way through the agreed arrangement. It's thoughtless and rude.
I also learned that there is a Brad Wesley in every town, only they aren't always so brazen about it. I tried to explain that as I beat the crap out that smug 85 year old Wal-Mart greeter. I expected the townspeople to celebrate with me. Instead, I went to jail for the night and am now banned from Wal-Marts nationwide.
I'm the Dalton in this situation. I did what I had to do to help the small folks.
2. what exactly do you do around here anyway?
Well it's a rigorous training regimen of sitting my big ass in a chair, logging on to the world wide web (as the more computer literate may call it...I call it the Devil's Magic) and blindly pick a person for scorn and prosecution. It's like pin the tail on the donkey....only without the tail...and I'm the one who is called an ass.
3. Are you really a Gentle Lover?
Yes I am. I went through a six week correspondence course on the fine art of gentle loving. The trick is...and I'm not suppose to reveal secrects but you got me drunk enough...is that you barely touch the woman (or man) you are gently loving. Make them want it.
Plus you don't get cooties.
* At this point Mr. Flagg announces $50 to any woman who can ride his Mechanical Bull for more than a Minute.
4. Would you be my wingman?
If that requires me to strap two wings to my arms and have passengers board me...then you've probably already seen the video. Sicko.
5. Will you tell an embarresing Madison story?
I don't have any. I'll tell you why though, and it's the strangest thing.
MADISON CAN NEVER BE EMBARRASSED.
It's true. One day, Madison and I were at the mall when all of a sudden, he decided to take all his clothes off right there in the food court. Imagine how stunned I was when he ran over to some lady's table and put his...well you know....in her food. Beans specifically.
Once he came back I asked him "What the hell are you doing?' and he simply replies, "She got frank and beans. Get it? franks and beans."
So Dallas is another area I'm no longer allowed in...
*At this point Mr. Flagg proceeds to prank call Madison in an effort to make him believe his Comic has been picked up by Marvel.
6. Did you quit the Pimping business?
Well after my disastrous debut at "Big Willy's Pimpin Parade" I was asked to revoke my pimp license. It really made me mad because I had just paid the 20 bucks for it, not to mention the new outfit.I guess grabbing Big Willy's wife's ass is a crime now!?
Plus I got tired of bleeding. Made me woozy and none of my friends who have carpets would let me in.
7. What are you the "Champ" of?
Ask any number of people and they'll tell you a long list of awards I've won, all with names that I can't really print here and some that have threats of violence in them.
Right now, the only official titles I hold are, Gentle Lover, Douchbag Champeen of the World, and top Men Without Hats fan (three years running).
8. Do you have a BFF?
I once did a nationwide search for one. I went to cities all over this great country to find a person who could match the charm, charisma, and complete adoration of myself. I have to tell you, things were pretty bleak.
One day though, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I was stunned to see the perfect person standing right in front of me. From that day on, they became my BFF.
This is why I require mirrors everywhere I go. Can't leave my BFF behind.
* Mr. Flagg proceeds to stare in a mirror for 20 minutes
9. Any more Madison stories?
Did I tell you about Madison, this asian lady selling trickets in an IHOP, and a godzilla action figure?
Well join the PWI elite site to listen to the full story!
10. Do you have a board nemisis?
C'mon. Like anyone would hate me. I'm the most beloved character since Scrappy doo! Since Poochy the dog! Since Urkel!
Serious Question alert!
1. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
Honestly, just writing and making a living out of it. I want to be doing films that I like seeing, as there are too many damn stories to be told without having to remake everything in existance.
2. What is the greatest moment in the history of our sport?
Not a clue. I'll tell you what got me hooked though. It was NWA on TBS saturday night in 1988. Eddie Gilbert and a mystery partner against Barry Windham and Ric Flair. Nobody knew who it was going to be. When Ricky Steamboat made his appearance, the fans went freakin nuts. Flair went nuts. It was nut central.
That started one of the best series of matches I've ever seen. THAT hooked me as a fan.
3. Any upcomming projects your excited about?
I'm slooooowly working on an internet series (and pilot to shop to networks) called Alabaster TNT. It's about a guy who gets brain damage by getting beat up by a bunch of old people and suddenly thinks he's a superhero. So he orders a by mail course and the hijinks begin!
I'm also starting on a number of scripts to shop around Hollyweird in hopes of making some more money. Been working on an 80's project today.
4. What is your greatest moment?
Finding the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And no, it's not you.
*Damn!
5. How would you like to be remembered?
Just as someone who made you laugh at least once. Everyone needs to laugh.
As the interview finishes Mr. Flagg stands on the table closest to him and yells "Food Fight!!"
As the whole bar starts flining Grits and something that appears to be meatloaf your intrepid reporter runs for his life.
See you next time on The Pirates Cove where a Main Page name will make his debut.
Until then Remember that at The Pirates Cove we always get the Booty!
Greetings once again from The Pirates Cove this long overdue edition finds us on a trip down south to visit with the one and
only Kash "Champ" Flagg.
We find Mr. Flagg at a little honky tonk bar and grill surrounded by Form letters from various studios rejecting his latest
Screenplay, a remake of Roadhouse starring an all chimpanzee cast. A laptop on which he is typing away at, And a few pitchers of beer
Stupid question time!
1. Roadhouse, Just a movie or the new Bible?
It is in fact a way of life. Before I became who I am today, I was lazy, shiftless, going from one place to the next with no meaning in my sad lonely life. After just ONE viewing of Roadhouse, my mind was set free. I learn that it's NOT ok to feel some guy's wife's boobs for money without going all the way through the agreed arrangement. It's thoughtless and rude.
I also learned that there is a Brad Wesley in every town, only they aren't always so brazen about it. I tried to explain that as I beat the crap out that smug 85 year old Wal-Mart greeter. I expected the townspeople to celebrate with me. Instead, I went to jail for the night and am now banned from Wal-Marts nationwide.
I'm the Dalton in this situation. I did what I had to do to help the small folks.
2. what exactly do you do around here anyway?
Well it's a rigorous training regimen of sitting my big ass in a chair, logging on to the world wide web (as the more computer literate may call it...I call it the Devil's Magic) and blindly pick a person for scorn and prosecution. It's like pin the tail on the donkey....only without the tail...and I'm the one who is called an ass.
3. Are you really a Gentle Lover?
Yes I am. I went through a six week correspondence course on the fine art of gentle loving. The trick is...and I'm not suppose to reveal secrects but you got me drunk enough...is that you barely touch the woman (or man) you are gently loving. Make them want it.
Plus you don't get cooties.
* At this point Mr. Flagg announces $50 to any woman who can ride his Mechanical Bull for more than a Minute.
4. Would you be my wingman?
If that requires me to strap two wings to my arms and have passengers board me...then you've probably already seen the video. Sicko.
5. Will you tell an embarresing Madison story?
I don't have any. I'll tell you why though, and it's the strangest thing.
MADISON CAN NEVER BE EMBARRASSED.
It's true. One day, Madison and I were at the mall when all of a sudden, he decided to take all his clothes off right there in the food court. Imagine how stunned I was when he ran over to some lady's table and put his...well you know....in her food. Beans specifically.
Once he came back I asked him "What the hell are you doing?' and he simply replies, "She got frank and beans. Get it? franks and beans."
So Dallas is another area I'm no longer allowed in...
*At this point Mr. Flagg proceeds to prank call Madison in an effort to make him believe his Comic has been picked up by Marvel.
6. Did you quit the Pimping business?
Well after my disastrous debut at "Big Willy's Pimpin Parade" I was asked to revoke my pimp license. It really made me mad because I had just paid the 20 bucks for it, not to mention the new outfit.I guess grabbing Big Willy's wife's ass is a crime now!?
Plus I got tired of bleeding. Made me woozy and none of my friends who have carpets would let me in.
7. What are you the "Champ" of?
Ask any number of people and they'll tell you a long list of awards I've won, all with names that I can't really print here and some that have threats of violence in them.
Right now, the only official titles I hold are, Gentle Lover, Douchbag Champeen of the World, and top Men Without Hats fan (three years running).
8. Do you have a BFF?
I once did a nationwide search for one. I went to cities all over this great country to find a person who could match the charm, charisma, and complete adoration of myself. I have to tell you, things were pretty bleak.
One day though, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I was stunned to see the perfect person standing right in front of me. From that day on, they became my BFF.
This is why I require mirrors everywhere I go. Can't leave my BFF behind.
* Mr. Flagg proceeds to stare in a mirror for 20 minutes
9. Any more Madison stories?
Did I tell you about Madison, this asian lady selling trickets in an IHOP, and a godzilla action figure?
Well join the PWI elite site to listen to the full story!
10. Do you have a board nemisis?
C'mon. Like anyone would hate me. I'm the most beloved character since Scrappy doo! Since Poochy the dog! Since Urkel!
Serious Question alert!
1. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
Honestly, just writing and making a living out of it. I want to be doing films that I like seeing, as there are too many damn stories to be told without having to remake everything in existance.
2. What is the greatest moment in the history of our sport?
Not a clue. I'll tell you what got me hooked though. It was NWA on TBS saturday night in 1988. Eddie Gilbert and a mystery partner against Barry Windham and Ric Flair. Nobody knew who it was going to be. When Ricky Steamboat made his appearance, the fans went freakin nuts. Flair went nuts. It was nut central.
That started one of the best series of matches I've ever seen. THAT hooked me as a fan.
3. Any upcomming projects your excited about?
I'm slooooowly working on an internet series (and pilot to shop to networks) called Alabaster TNT. It's about a guy who gets brain damage by getting beat up by a bunch of old people and suddenly thinks he's a superhero. So he orders a by mail course and the hijinks begin!
I'm also starting on a number of scripts to shop around Hollyweird in hopes of making some more money. Been working on an 80's project today.
4. What is your greatest moment?
Finding the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And no, it's not you.
*Damn!
5. How would you like to be remembered?
Just as someone who made you laugh at least once. Everyone needs to laugh.
As the interview finishes Mr. Flagg stands on the table closest to him and yells "Food Fight!!"
As the whole bar starts flining Grits and something that appears to be meatloaf your intrepid reporter runs for his life.
See you next time on The Pirates Cove where a Main Page name will make his debut.
Until then Remember that at The Pirates Cove we always get the Booty!
