Jazzman
King Koopa
Trombone Shorty > Your Favorite Musician
Posts: 11,231
|
Post by Jazzman on Jan 3, 2011 20:01:30 GMT -5
OK, sent it in. Sorry it took so long. I got Jackson to help collaborate with it aswell. Plus I got a little bit of contribution from others in the week that I felt needed to be featured in this angle. Let's just say this is a LONG promo that has ALOT going on in it. I just hope not too much. Jesus, this is bigger than all of us.
|
|
Viva
Dennis Stamp
THAT'S MY PURSE! *kick to the groin*
You can dance if you want to.
Posts: 4,099
|
Post by Viva on Jan 3, 2011 20:04:18 GMT -5
Alright, everything is in.
|
|
Square
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Official Ambassador
Grand Poobah of Scavenger Hunts 2011
Square-Because he looks good at all the right angles.
Posts: 18,701
|
Post by Square on Jan 3, 2011 20:04:22 GMT -5
....Why did I have to jump back in at the time when all the storylines are exploding?!
|
|
Viva
Dennis Stamp
THAT'S MY PURSE! *kick to the groin*
You can dance if you want to.
Posts: 4,099
|
Post by Viva on Jan 3, 2011 20:08:47 GMT -5
....Why did I have to jump back in at the time when all the storylines are exploding?! That's the best time! That means they'll conclude soon and you can hop in somewhere.
|
|
|
Post by Topher is Human on Jan 3, 2011 20:10:13 GMT -5
Aight Jazzman, I sent it to you in a PM if you wanted to read it beofre NiteRaw
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 21:39:01 GMT -5
....Why did I have to jump back in at the time when all the storylines are exploding?! If it helps, the way I wrote your match allows you a nice little mini-angle to get started with. Also, I have three promos designated as the opening segment. Sam, I need to move yours later in the show. Viva, I'm gonna send it to you to toss your two cents in before I post it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 21:58:12 GMT -5
OK, Viva's offline, so I'll insert the promo minus Vivatary and get the show posted.
Also, the ending of the show may look a bit odd, that's because it was two things sent in by different people and merged together by me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 22:02:52 GMT -5
Monday NiteRaw January 3rd, 2011The show opens with the lights going dark... the faint sound of static is echoeing throughout the arena... a softly spoken narrative is heard... "You know that time in your life... that single moment that defines exactly who you are? Well that only stings for a second..." Choose Your Fate - Escape the FateThe crowd shower the arena in boos as the new Number One Contender to the WWCF Championship steps out from behind the back. The lights remain off and just a single spotlight shines on him. He is wearing a facemack that shows half of Viva Los Bio Dome's face and half of Jazzman's face. And a blood red hooded cape. He grabs a microphone and the crowds booing gets out of control, and Colt doesn't even have the chance to speak. Half the crowd begin to chant "VIVA!" and the other half begin to chant "JAZZMAN!" Colt steps into the ring with a steal chair and places it into the centre of the ring, sets it up and takes a seat and simply waits for the crowd to settle... You know that time in your life, that single moment that defines exactly who you are? Well that only stings for a second. However it appears that that very second may have felt like an eternity for two of your heroes...
You see the show had already begun, we were nearing the final act. However both of those fools refused to accept their fate. The thought they were able to hold on, see it through the second encore...
But they chose their fate hanging in there with me... and now it's curtains for their careers.
Two of the greatest wrestlers in the WWCF, two former WWCF Champions... one being the longest ever and the other being the most controversial... have fallen by my hand. And now, it's time for me to move on with my career and become the next WWCF Champion.
So there will be no more Viva, . He chose his fate when he questioned me two weeks ago, that was when he first saw that this story was all about, then last week he chose and ultimately sealed his fate when he was "brave" enough to step into the ring with me again. Sure what he did can be seen as heroic, but I see it as worthless. You all knew full well he was in no condition to compete against me...
And that was before I injured him...
But no, I, fair and square, using only my wrestling ability was able to break him down until he simply could not fight anymore. Now he's been forced into an early retirement, however I wouldn't be surprised if he never even wants to step into the ring ever again.The crowd begin chanting loudly for Viva. And then there's Jazzman...The crowd explode at this, as Colt begins to rub the side of his head in pain from last week. Yes, Jazzman... He was the first one to feel my wraith. He was the one who never saw it coming. He's the one that was bound to a hospital bed for a month after I was done with him. He chose his fate by not accepting the winds of change, for refusing to see how fickle and pathetic you guys are. And then he chose his fate again by trying to exact revenge on me...
Only for it to cost him his job, his career, his livelyhood. His entire life.
I strongly believe with the philosophy of "Choose Your Fate", but Jazzman wrote the wrong ending to his story. And now myself, nor any of you fans will ever have to worry about seeing him ever again!Oh Colt, Colt Colt...*Colt looks toward the ramp* Try again Colt. Turn around*Colt looks into the crowd and sees a man in jeans and a shirt with a microphone* That's better. Recognize me Colt? I'm the guy who almost killed you at the last PPV. But you don't really know me my name you?Of course I do, you're Jazzman!Almost true Colt, I was Jazzman. That was until I got fired. I told the people in the back what I was going to do and they told me that if I planned to go through with it I would be fired. Well, now this is where we stand but I gotta tell you something Colt, it was worth every minute.So wait then, why are you even here?See some old friends, watch some good action, you know, the same reason why all these people are here. Oh, and to make sure you know what I have planned for you.*crowd pops* You see Colt, when I came into this company I went to the guys in charge. I told them I was Ryan Bergman from upstate new York, and I wanted to be a wrestler. They took one look at me, said I was too young and told me that if I wanted in they weren't going to help, it was up to me.
After that I went home, and I came up with the idea of Jazzman, a tough guy from New Orleans. You see, I was a jazz fan so I had the background needed and if I made him having something to do with Hurricane Katrina I could really get emotional when the time needed. I knew it was a great gimmick and I busted my ass to get it over.
Then I created Pride with a few other young guys who were sick that they weren't going anywhere and we started to move up the card. But it was after that break-up that my career took off when I was the chosen white knight, something that didn't sit too well with you.
These fans loved me and I found out that regardless of my gimmick I was one of these fans' heroes and I couldn't let them down. Then that whole heel phase happened after my title run when you basically threw me under a bus, then we settled it like men and became friends.
But you see something Colt, on that day you attacked me I got my priorities straight. As I lay in that ambulance on the way to the hospital I realized that making time to work with you and having to prove myself to you was a waste of time. I knew that even more after I got fired. Suddenly I have no obligations to the people in corporate or anything! The only people I need to to answer to are my family, my friends, and these fans, who pay their hard earned money to get to see us do what we do.That's all well and good, but what can you do, you don't even work here anymore!*crowd boos* That may be true Colt, but there is nothing stopping me from doing what I did on PPV. I can keep buying tickets to these events and keep attacking you, or maybe I can just tell you I'll do it and keep you paranoid. You see Colt, I'm not here for any reason than to get my hands on you. Titles are great for building a legacy, star ratings get your name in the dirt sheets and online fans tongues, but vengeance is something that you can only get at your own hands.
Jazzman is dead Colt, that character has outlived its usefulness to me. I know that the people I need to perform for will accept me for me, so you, and the rest of the company can call me Bergman from here on out. You might be seeing me very soon Colt, or you may never see me again, that's the fun in all of this. Just remember Colt, everyone thinks they're king if there's no one left to pawn.*Bergman walks up the stairs of the arena as the spotlight fades.* I don't need this. I'm down with you, my career has turned on to the next chapter! I am the Story on Page One, the WHITE KNIGHT and the Number One Contender for the WWCF CHAMPIONSHIP!
There's a reason why I was called the One True Constant of the WWCF, now even though you fans may have turned your back on me. I'm going to stay true to my moniker, and if your turn the page to after King of WrestleCrap, you will see a photo of me standing over a broken and beaten Jackson, holding my new WWCF Title up high!The crowd again begin to boo Colt mercilessly as they start to chant for "Damn Right" Jackson... "Too Black... Too Strong... DAMN RIGHT!" Spit On Your Face - Lil Wayne feat. Kevin RudolfThe crowd erupts into applause as the WWCF Champion steps out of the curtain in his trademark white suit. He stands at the top of the ramp, slowly unbuttons his suit jacket to reveal the WWCF Championship. He raises it up high to the sky as pyros go off all around him. He grabs a mic as he walks towards the ramp. DR Jackson: Colt... What has gotten into you lately? We put on some of the greatest, all time classics that left our bodies broken in half. We did all that for the fans. And now you don't want anything to do with them?Jackson, you know as well as I do that they didn't care about us. They just cared about the crazy spots we put ourselves into. Anyone could've done what we did and they would've reacted the same. And what has gotten into you lately?
You hate these people more than anyone, you bluntly came out and would call them all fascists and racists who weren't worthy of your time. You would kick the absolute crap out of someone they love... just because. And correct me if I'm wrong, you even brefriened Mr. Belding!
But now look at you, smiling as you walk down that ring. Shaking hands with the fans, posing for photos. Fighting their battles for them instead of against them.
Just as fickle as they were for turning on their beliefs and taking your side instead of mine... you were willing to turn your back on your beliefs, and for what? A bit of extra support and success? A title that I won BY MYSELF for BEING MYSELF?
You're not worthy of being champion Jackson, and I will prove this at King of WrestleCrap when I RESCUE that title from your clutches prove that every story has a happy, heroes ending...
Or you can simply avoid the embarrassment now and simply hand me your title I mean do you remember at The Survivor Team Challenge Series when you simply weren't enough for me... Choose your fate!Jackson has stepped into the ring by now and just smirks at Colt. DR Jackson: Are you done?The crowd pop big for that. DR Jackson: Look Colt, I get that you're bitter that they fans don't love you anymore, I can get that you're jaded because me and the WWCF Galaxy actually get eachother now.
But that doesn't mean you should be coming out every week throwing a tantrums about being forgotten and then trying to end peoples careers. You learn to accept your fate and adapt, evolve.
That is why when the Black Dynasty started the Era of Attitude, I was the only one on board. And now, every single fan in attendance, every single fan watching at home, and hell anyone in the back who knows what's real are all PROUD members of the Era of Attitude. We've all accepted what direction this company is heading and we're doing what we can to see it through together!
Also, Colt... I might not cry about being an overlooked minority anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of that same sort of rage and pure driven anger that I was known for before. Believe me, you push my buttons the wrong way and it might be you who is having their final "curtain call".
So do you really think I'm gonig to surrender this title to you because you put a couple people on the shelf? You think our match at Survivor Team Challenge Series is going to deter me? Nawh man, if anything that motivates me to keep on fighting, and even if you somehow do get the duke, believe me the Black Dynasty is going out swinging!
Oh, and do you remember Wheel of Misfortune? Bed of Nails match? I'm sure you know just as well what I'm capable of.
But I will agree with you on one thing. King of Wrestlecrap will have happy, heroes ending. One where the Black Knight stands tall over the fallen White Knight, and the Era of Attitude continues... as strong as ever!
So Colt, you're giving me the option to choose me fate? Well I guess I'm choosing to take you down!
Neither Enemy Nor Friend... DAMN RIGHT!The crowd start erupting in applause for Jackson. Colt slowly lowers his hood and takes off his face mask... Jackson, Jackson, Jackson... I'm afraid you may have made the worst decision of your life. You see, I might not have the support of the WWCF Galaxy, however I'm not the only one who the WWCF Galaxy has turned their back on lately...
And I'm not the only one who thinks the best way express myself in this situation is by putting a close to the story by taking out the climax...
You've chosen your fate. Now I'm going to seal it!Colt charges at Jackson for a Shining Wizard, but Jackson is ready for it and sidesteps, the two men start brawling throught the ring, however Colt doesn't seem able to get ontop of Jackson to secure the upper hand. They get back to their feet as they continue trading blows, Jackson starts getting the upper hand with his stiff rights and eventually big boots Colt down. Jackson then takes to the opposite corner of the ring and prepares for a Spear, as Colt struggles to his feet. As Jackson starts to sprint forward, two men run into the ring and tackle him to the ground and start hammering away at him. The two men stand up, and reveal themselves to be Johnny Stone and Ryan Blood, the hold Jackson up by the arms, as Colt has recovered fromt he Big Boot. Colt then runs at the helpless Jackson and lays him out with a Shining Wizard. The crowd are booing this like crazy. Stone raises Jackson up for a Powerbomb, as Blood takes to the top rope. As Colt yells out "HE CHOSE HIS FATE! NOW SEAL IT!" Blood dives off and missle dropkicks Jackson as Stone lays him out with a powerbomb. Colt then stands over Jackson with a sick smirk and locks in the Final Thought. However before any more damage can be done, Little Naitch and Jonathan Michaels run down to the ring to even the score. Colt, Blood and Stone all run out of the ring and make their way through the crowd... We go to commercial. Hoss - Welcome to Monday NiteRaw! King - And happy New Year to the WWCF Galaxy!Hoss - We’re starting off the new year with a bang! Tonight is the opening round of the King of WrestleCrap tournament!King - But before that starts up Gorilla, I’ve got a surprise for you and all these fans.Hoss - A surprise?King - Please welcome the newest member of the WWCF NiteRaw announce team….
HOLLYWOOD VIVA LOS BIO DOME!!!*Paparazzi(metal version)* *Viva strolls down to the ring. He's in a wheelchair, and both of his legs and his right arm are in casts, and he rolls around to the ring to the announcer, and grabs a microphone.* As you can see, Colt really put a licking on me. The doctors said it was a wonder I even got those chair shots in. The sad truth is, and I know you ingrates could care less, but I'm not gonna be able to wrestle for a pretty good while.*Crowd pops.* Yeah, yeah. Well, since I can't wrestle, I thought to myself, "How could I still torture these ungrateful a-holes?" The answer seemed obvious, and that answer was to join the announce team for the forseeable future! You people in the crowd, you might not have to hear me tonight, but you sure will next week! The jokes on you a-holes! *Viva hands the mic back to Michael Muffer and strolls around to his post behind the announcers table.* Hoss - Sigh. I was not ready for such a development.Viva - Is there a frown on your face or are you just upside down happy to see me, Bossy Hossy!King - Viva! I'm ecstatic! Finally someone with some common sense joins me on commentary! For the forseeable future no less!Viva - King, you've always been in my corner, and I love you for that, but the sad truth is, no one here is safe. I'm going to sharpen you tools until you're the best announcing team in the business, and frankly, you're probably gonna hate me by the time this is all over. Let's get this show on the road!King of WrestleCrap First Round match: Cageking V. Dave Von HalenMichael Muffer: The following contest is a King of the Crap match. The winner will continue on to compete next week in the second round of the tournament to become King of the Crap. The match itself can be won by pinfall or submission, and has a fifteen minute time limit. First, from Los Angeles, California, weighing 295 pounds: Cageking!*Cageking freestyles his way to the ring as the crowd cheers.* Tim Hoss: Cageking has had a couple of rough weeks. He lost his Championship of Honor match against Evil M due to shenanigans from guest referee The Sam, and then, after winning the Inter Forum Title from Sam in a grueling Triple Threat Theater Match, lost that when Jonathan Michaels cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase.Jesse King: I don’t doubt he’s madder than a wet hen, Gorilla, but its going to take more than anger to win tonight and go on to the next round of King of the Crap.Viva: You know, I just don't know whether or not we should take Cageking seriously as a competitor. I'd like to see him turn the page and step up as the next generation of World Champion, but it seems he's far more content to talk the talk, and get in the way of his own goals. The guy certainly has what it takes, but can he get out of his own way?MM: And his opponent, also from Los Angeles, California, weighing 235 pounds: Dave Von Halen!*Rock concert strobe lights start illuminating the entrance stage and pyro goes off as Dave with Alexa Anderson by his side walks to the ring holding his electric V guitar and his Money in the Bank case while headbanging to “Saints of Los Angeles” by Motley Crue.* TH: Dave Von Halen has had a long and storied career in the WWCF. Former owner, former Tag Team Champion, former Inter Forum Champion, and at one time part of the most dominant stables in company history: Heavy Metal Hollywood. His career has been a bit of a downturn recently, though he may feel some consolation holding a guaranteed Tag Team title shot in that a Money in the Bank briefcase he earned at Gookermania III.Viva: Heavy Metal Hollywood will go down as the most dominant force in the history of the WWCF, and it's all thanks to me. Dave played a huge part, no disrespect, but with my World Championship came credibility. People took us seriously. We were dominant. Tag titles and World title at the same time, and if Sparks could have gotten his stuff together, an Inter-Forum or Hardcore championship. It's a shame all of those dudes lost their steam.JK: Even better consolation, he has Alexa Anderson as his valet. Hubba hubba!Viva: She's no Lisa Garcia. Let's be honest.*Referee Lloyd McFloyd waits for both men to shed their accessories and gets them in the middle of the ring. He calls for the bell and Cageking and Dave Von Halen immediately begin to brawl. Cageking gets the upperhand and whips DVH into the near right side corner. He follows that up with a body avalanche. Putting Dave in a side headlock, Cageking drags him out to the middle of the ring and flings him down. Cover. One! DVH gets an arm up. Cageking gets kicked in the stomach when he tries pulling DVH up. Dave rolls over his bent double opponent and then hits a chop block that puts Cageking down on one knee. Running the ropes DVH tries to connect with a scissors kick, but Cageking leaps up and plows into him mid-strike, knocking him down.* TH: So far Cageking has been using his weight advantage well.JK: He’s fast for someone his size too.Viva: Like I said before, the guy has all the tools to be a dominant force in this Fed. He's got to stop drinking his own kool-aid and get to work, because if he studied the greats, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind he'd be unstoppable. He wants to be a performer instead of the best athlete here, and I think there's a healthy balance he just hasn't found yet. *Both men get to their feet swinging. DVH thumbs Cageking in the eye and follows that with an uppercut. He tries a suplex, but Cageking blocks it. Wrapping his arms around DVH he lifts him and runs forward, slamming Dave into the front left ringpost. Keeping his head down Cageking rams his shoulder into Dave’s gut, forcing him onto the first rope. A second shoulder block puts Dave up on the second rope. Cageking climbs up and heatbutts the reeling DVH, then sets him up for a superplex. Dave holds on and nails Cageking with several elbow shots, before pushing him off the turnbuckle. He climbs to the top rope and hits Cageking with a double axe handle when he stands. DVH goes for a pin. One! Cageking kicks out with authority.* TH: Dave Von Halen is starting to rally. JK: The man is a former Tag Team and IF champ, Gorilla. He knows what it takes to win.Viva: Right again, Kingster. Dave knows how to win, but he has gotten lazy, in my opinion. He doesn't study opponents, he doesn't keep his fitness right. I wouldn't be surprised to see Cageking reverse his fortunes coming up here.*The two stand and lock up, with Dave floating behind and locking in a full nelson. After some struggling Cageking is able to move close enough to the bottom rope to put his foot on it. McFloyd tells DVH to break the hold, which he does after a four count. Dave cracks Cageking in the back of the head with an elbow and backs off. Cageking comes after him but DVH jukes out of his way and hits a drop toe hold that puts his opponent on the mat. After leaping to his feet Dave drops an elbow onto the small of Cageking’s back. Dave gets in front of Cageking and applies a front face lock. The rapper struggles to his feet but can’t escape the hold. With supreme effort DVH scoops up Cageking and slams him down.* JK: An impressive display of power by Dave Von Halen. He managed to scoop slam Cageking who’s got sixty pounds on him.Viva: Maybe I'm wrong. He's looking real damn good right now. *DVH drops for a cover. One! Two! Cageking gets his shoulder up. Dave pushes it down and tries another pin, this time, grinding his elbow in Cageking’s face. One! Cageking kicks out. Frustrated, Dave pulls Cageking up and whips him into the ropes. He tries to hit a dropkick when Cageking rebounds, but the rapper holds onto the ropes. DVH hits nothing but air and falls, clutching his back. This sets him up for a Rolling Thunder senton from Cageking. Springing to his feet Cageking executes a standing moonsault on DVH, then goes for a pin. One! Two! Weak kickout.* TH: Dave Von Halen’s back has got to be hurting him, after that failed dropkick and then getting flattened by a senton and a moonsault.Viva: This is where the condition comes in. Is he in good enough shape to weather the storm on his muscles? I'm betting he doesn't. JK: From a near 300 pound man no less.Viva: Bingo. The pain is going to start setting in, and I just don't know if Davey boy has the tolerance levels to take it.*Cageking stands and pauses for a breath. He drags DVH to the middle of the ring and pulls him up to his knees. After holding up three fingers to the crowd he wraps his arms around Dave’s waist and hoists him onto his shoulders. He powerbombs him once, twice, three times, sitting out for the third. He holds for the pin. One! Two! Three! McFloyd signals for the bell.* MM: Here is your winner, Cageking!*The crowd cheers as Cageking gets his arm raised and Dave Von Halen is tended to by Alexa Anderson.* TH: WWCF’s resident rapper has won in impressive fashion tonight, earning the right to continue on in the King of the Crap tournament. This win has to be extra sweet for Cageking after recent setbacks.Viva: Calling him a rapper is like calling brussel sprouts delicious. It's just categorically false. Cageking is nothing more than a poser, and I don't even like rap. Once he drops the paper thin act and starts performing like he just did, night in, night out. I'll take him seriously.JK: He certainly looked dominant in this match, though, Viva. Whoever has to face him in the next round is going to have their hands full. Fresh offa Christmassacre.....and I get another present! I get the oppertunity to kick of my Roaring Rampage of Revenge Tour with Nautical Enemy Number 1......SQUARE! I had me a plan Square.....I was gonna beat yer scrawny butt and the respectively scrawny butt of the now MIA Hangman and be rightfully crowned Tag Team Champion with the Dream Warrior as my partner.....unfortunately you can't have a tag match with Just one person and Bossman Drakin decided not to simply AWARD Me and a partner of my choice the title, we had a farce of a tournement with ROOKIES walking out the champs.
And ya know what.....Me an the Gen'ral haven't even been in sniffing distance of the belts since then.....
So Square.....Welcome Aboard the Tour.....it's gonna be a bumpy rideKing of WrestleCrap First Round match: Square V. Dread Pirate MulliganMuffer - The following contest is a King of WrestleCrap first round match, set for one fall, with a fifteen minute time limit!*I Don’t Care* Muffer - Introducing first, from Preston, England, weighing in at 210 pounds, he is the Revolution of Evolution, Square!Square makes his way to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way. *Shiver My Timbers* Muffer - And his opponent, from The High Seas, weighing in at 265 pounds, Dread Pirate Mulligan!A large scale Jolly Roger goes up on the stage, as Dread Pirate Mulligan prepares to swing in. But suddenly, his music begins to skip. Hoss - What the…?Mulligan looks confused, when the Jolly Roger suddenly bursts into flames! King - Ahh!Viva - Oz, is that you!?Mulligan, Square, referee John Creed, and the entire crowd are stunned as the flag burns. Hoss - What is going on?Mulligan stares at his flag as the last bits of it dissolve into the fire. With a blank look on his face, he climbs down from his perch and makes his way to the ring. King - What is Mulligan thinking here?Viva - Scare tactic, maybe?Mulligan rolls into the ring and locks his gaze onto Square. Referee John Creed reminds both men about the stakes and rules of the match, then calls for the bell. Mulligan suddenly lunges at Square, tackling him to the mat and raining down on him with punches and elbows! Hoss - Mulligan is like a man possessed!King - You could say he’s become a “Mad Man”, huh?Viva - Simply hilarious, King.Creed pulls Mulligan off of Square. Mulligan tries to break free, screaming and cursing at Square, calling him “flag burning sea scum” and a “limey landlubber”. Hoss - To say Mulligan is upset would be an understatement.Viva - The way I see it, you go into that Squared circle happy with the opponent you're booked to face, you're a god damn loser. It's about time we cut the friendly charade around here. Mulligan's aggression is very welcome in the WWCF.Creed goes to check on Square, but Mulligan pushes past him and begins choking Square! Creed pulls him off and orders him to the corner. Creed goes over to Square. Square, are you OK to continue?Yeah. But I didn’t touch his stupid flag!YAR!!! Don’t be talkin’ ill towards me flag, ye scurvy swab!Mulligan charges Square again, but this time he’s ready and takes Mulligan to the mat with a nice overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Hoss - Square is back!Viva - It's hip to be Square! Yeah, I said it!Square pulls Mulligan up and shoots him into the ropes, Mulligan ducks a clothesline, Square spins around, grog to the eyes! King - Who knows what’s in that stuff?! Square could be blinded!Viva - One time, and I never told anybody this, but I saw Mully mixin' a batch of this stuff. The ingredients seemed to be Listerine, Spit, Animal feces, and Brandy. Now, you at home, picture that going in your eyes. You could have pink eye for life. At least the alcohol will disinfect it, right?Square stumbles around the ring, swinging blindly at the air. Creed has to move out of the way to avoid being hit. Mulligan shoves Creed towards Square, who connects with a left hand! Mulligan dives at Square and monkey flip’s him to the mat! Hoss - Shades of his tag team partner, The General!Mulligan mounts Square and begins hammering him with punches, when Creed get’s to his feet and calls for the bell. King - What’s happening now?Muffer - Ladies and gentlemen, referee John Creed has disqualified Dread Pirate Mulligan! The winner of this match, Square!Viva - Typical. You're disqualified for fighting good! It's decisions like this that illustrate everything that's wrong about this business. If I were Square, I'd have half a mind to kick John Creed right in the testicles and demand a restart!King - Tell us how you really feel, Viva.Mulligan continues to hammer Square until Creed pulls him off. It’s over Mulligan! You’ve been disqualified!Yar! I’ll swab the deck with yer head fer dis, Creed!Mulligan advances on Creed, but Square, who’s managed to get the residue from the mist out of his eyes, spins him around and hit’s the SquarePlosion! Creed tries to raise Square’s hand, but he pulls away, then looks down at Mulligan in disgust before leaving. Hoss - Well, it’s probably not the way he’d have liked to win it, but Square advances to the next round of the King of WrestleCrap tournament.King - A win is a win is a win, Gorilla! Mulligan’s own fault for being more worried about his flag than winning the match.Viva - King's right, Hoss. You take 'em how you get 'em. I thought that Creed was a little quick with the DQ, but you gotta be stoked on the first round advancement here if you're Square.In the ring, Mulligan sits up. He looks around at the crowd, then at John Creed, who hastily rolls to the outside. Mulligan stands up, looks out into the audience… Yar…The crowd cheers as Mulligan exit’s the ring and heads up the ramp. We are led to a pre taped segment, as the area is pitch black. LodiRulz is leaning on a wall outside of a bar, legs spread straddle style. He is wearing a black leather jacket with a black shirt with a red cross printed on it. A sign rests on his lap that says: Help Me. Lodi looks like he is baked out of his mind, as his eyes are all sunken and drawn in. There is trash all around the background, and you can clearly see a blade next to Lodi. Lodi grabs the blade and carves a small line into his wrist, causing a small pool of blood to form. He pokes at the wound, applying pressure to himself constantly. Lodi starts laughing, before he stops his self abuse. After removing the blade form sight, Lodi starts to talk: The pain that surrounds you grows every day. You can't stop it or control it, only add to it. Your body crumbles apart in your hands, with or without self inflicting. When I was a young kid growing up wherever and whenever, I cut my chin wide open banging into a table. It was hanging like a freaking hinge. And I didn't do anything about it. Because I knew that you can never heal your own scars after they have been written into your memory. The pressures of the world can never be fixed after the events already happen. I have just about a better chance healing the world then I do of stopping nature's animals form mating. So don't try to make a difference in your life. Because the pain lasts for all eternity. The Smokin’ Vokoun. Your demons are being unleashed as I speak. Your probably at a bar poisoning yourself form your own sorrows, then hitting a club for some cheap teenager to take out your aggressions. Because you won't be able to take out your aggressions on me. I am the vicious hardcore specialist around here. Your pain is my pleasure. You have no chance. Why am I here? I don't know. What are my intentions? I don't know. What I do know? I am going to pound you into a dark abyss, where you'll fade into obscurity. I don't really care about scraps of metal or the drones that mindlessly watch me torture poor human beings like you. All I know is that when you enter the ring with me, your entering my own personal fun house. And the only way out is be pulverized and nothing more but a broken body. And once your lifeless and a poor soul, I'll let you rest in the nest of the scorched and paralyzed. I don't know why I'm even enlisted in these battles of combat, but I do know one thing: I am the King Of Wrestlecrap. I am the ringmaster, the rest are nothing more then worthless subjects. I will annihilate all in my path, until I can grab full control of this establishment
So it is written. So it shall come to pass. Everybody knows this, because: LodiRulz.MICHAEL MUFFER: The following contest is a first round match in the King of WrestleCrap tournament! It is set for one fall, with a fifteen minute time limit!*"Buried" by Hypocrisy* MICHAEL MUFFER: Introducing first! Hailing from Parts Unknown and weighing in at 220 lbs...LodiRulz!JESSE KING: Hey cool! The company finally decided to sign a wrestler born and raised right here in scenic Parts Unknown! This LodiRulz guy is going to be enjoying the hometown advantage for the duration of his time here in the WWCF!VIVA: Yeah! Perhaps he could show me the mainstays around here. You know, good old Parts Unknown. Known for it's delicious tacos and curvy women.*LodiRulz saunters out to the ramp and down to the ring, looking like he's about to die. Midway to the ring, he sits on the ramp and bows his head. After several moments, he gets back up and slowly continues on to the ring. He can be heard to yell something at nobody in particular, which the mics partially pick up: "...MANY WILL COME IN MY NAME, CLAIMING 'I AM THE CHRIST', AND..." He finally gets to ringside and gets in the squared circle, throwing off his shades and jacket, and slumps into the nearest corner.* TIM HOSS: He doesn't seem all that motivated, does he?JESSE KING: He seems to be a pineapple or two short of a fruit salad, Gorilla. Then again, crazy people often do well in this business. And speaking of crazy people...This is another one of those examples where I see a lot more drama than I see an actual threat here. He looks tough, and he acts tough, but is he tough?*"Sinner Man" by Nina Simone* MICHAEL MUFFER: And his opponent! Hailing from Chicago, Illinois and weighing in at 275 lbs....The Smokin' Vokoun!*As the crowd pops Vokoun makes his way out, a glare on his face. Fixated on the ring and his opponent, he slowly heads down to the ramp, only briefly acknowledging the cheers by turning his head and nodding at the nearby fans.* JESSE KING: That psycho Vokoun shouldn't even be in this tournament after what he did to Ryan Starshine last Monday!TIM HOSS: Starshine started the whole thing with a fireball to Vokoun's face, in case you need reminding.JESSE KING: Starshine started it? Have you not been listening to a word he's said lately? Vokoun started it by assaulting him after what was to be his final match in the WWCF!TIM HOSS: Starshine has every right to be angry about that, and I won't try to excuse it by saying Vokoun was just following orders from Xavian Gunn. But Starshine could have confronted Vokoun about it in the back, or called him out in the ring to either bury the hatchet or throw down. Setting Vokoun's face on fire and costing him the Hardcore Title just went too far. Anyway, we can get into this some other time; right now we have a match to call.VIVA: Jesus Henderson Christ, 'Rilla. Shut the hell up! I can't get a god damn word in edgewise with your stupid story telling. Anyways, I'm callin' it here, folks. Vokoun for 2011 King of Wrestlecrap. The guy's got all the tools, and he's poised to break into the main even this year. He even smells like cherries.*Vokoun climbs into the ring and slumps into the corner opposite LodiRulz, glaring across the ring at his opponent* JESSE KING: Let's hear it for slumping in corners! Two out of two wrestlers in that very ring over there recommend it!TIM HOSS: Viva, any thoughts on either of the two competitors here? Your current opinion of Vokoun, what kind of impression LodiRulz has made on you so far...?I told you what I thought about Vokoun, my sleeper pick to win this thing. The guy's got a mean streak that I just haven't seen replicated by anyone other than me. I've got the meanest streak in the WWCF, obviously, but the potential Vokoun has is just limitless. He's got to snap out of this bitchy nonsense and start dominating like he should.LodiRulz vs. The Smokin' Vokoun King of WrestleCrap 1st round match*The two men start things off hammering away at one another's heads with punches, not bothering to block or dodge, just completely focused on offense. LodiRulz is the one who eventually loses, the powerful blows from Vokoun wearing him down and finally knocking him off his feet. Vokoun stumbles backwards a step and puts a hand to his head, before covering LodiRulz* One! Two! Kickout! TIM HOSS: That would have been in inauspicious debut for LodiRulz if he'd been pinned this early in the match.VIVA: We all know it's going to take more than that. Vokoun's sellin' Lodi short, the guy's crazy. He proved that with his entrance. He's gonna need to start taking this match seriously. *As Vokoun starts to stand up, LR catches his arm and gives a hard yank, sending him sprawling into the corner. LR starts kicking Vokoun in the midsection with a madman's frenzy! Referee John Creed threatens to DQ him if he doesn't stop by the count of five* One! Two! Three! Four! *LR backs away from Vokoun for a second, and then starts kicking and stomping on him again! Creed starts another count* One! Two! Three! Four! *LR backs off just before five...and a moment later begins to stomp on Vokoun some more! An angry Creed forcibly inserts himself in between Vokoun and LR, and gets in LR's face* CREED: HEY! You make me impatient enough, and I'll disqualify you for disregarding my instructions! Take it out of the corner! JESSE KING: I like this LodiRulz guy!VIVA: Yup, this guy is my cup of tea. Cut out the middle man, punches and kicks. Stomp the breath out of him. What did I tell you guys about Vokoun taking this guy lightly? The guy's deranged. Vokoun better tap into that mean streak I was talking about.*LR goes to suplex Vokoun out of the corner, but Vokoun blocks it and with a burst of energy rushes LR all the way across the ring to the other corner, where he starts punching and kicking him! Creed catches up to them and, in exasperation, starts another count* One! Two! Three! Four! TIM HOSS: And LodiRulz getting a taste of his own medicine there!*Vokoun backs off. He brings LR out of the corner with a belly to belly suplex, and goes to lock on the Mandible Claw!* TIM HOSS: Vokoun looking to end this quickly.VIVA: He's gotta capitalize on the momentum. Far too often we see one mistake at this stage in the game and it leads directly to a loss.*A well-timed thumb to the eye by LR saves him from a mouthful of Claw, and Vokoun recoils, clutching his eye* JESSE KING: Looks like he's kind of taking a page out of your book, Viva--well, one of your books. The one you used when you fought dirty.VIVA: Don't even, Jess. Fought dirty? Why put labels on things? I do what it takes to win, and that's all LodiRulz is doing right here. He's a competitor. Why wouldn't he take any advantage? If the ref misses it, it's fair game.*LR gets to his feet, DDTs Vokoun down, and locks on a Figure Four!* JESSE KING: Hey! Finisher infringement!TIM HOSS: Oh give it a rest, King; nobody's complained before and I don't think Naitch is going to mind. And even though LodiRulz said he didn't watch Christmassacre, he seems to be aware of how Starshine worked over Vokoun's leg during their match seven days ago, since he's targeting it now!VIVA: I'd mind. 'Naitch has dibs on that. LodiRulz is already getting on the bad side of legitimate veterans in this federation, and honestly? It's not a good move. He's got enough to worry about on the lower card. He doesn't need to bite off more than he can chew, a la Lionhart.*Vokoun struggles to break the hold, but makes no progress. His shoulders fall to the mat, and Creed starts to count* One! Two! *Vokoun pulls himself back up before three and tries to nail LR with a punch, but LR pulls his head out of range at the last second and cranks up the pressure!* CREED: Vokoun, do you submit? VOKOUN: What do YOU think?!CREED: Uh, I'll take that as a no... *Vokoun starts pulling himself closer and closer to the ropes as the seconds tick by. He finally gets ahold of the bottom rope, and Creed starts another five count* One! Two! Three! Four! *LR lets Vokoun go and gets to his feet* JESSE KING: This is why you want to stay in school, kids! If you want to grow up to be a WWCF referee, you can't afford to forget which number comes between two and four!TIM HOSS: Found that out the hard way, did you King?JESSE KING: Shut up.VIVA: You two are f***ing dorks.*LR goes to the outside and searches for something underneath the ring. He comes away with several steel folding chairs, folded up and stacked, and throws them all into the ring! The stack of chairs ceases to be a stack in midair, and both Vokoun and John Creed have to dodge to make sure they don't get hit. When Creed sees no less than twelve chairs strewn about the ring, he smacks his forehead with his palm in frustration* CREED: You're lucky that thing didn't hit me, LodiRulz! Now I've gotta get rid of every single one of these things! TIM HOSS: What do you suppose the odds are that LodiRulz is going to try to use one of those chairs on Vokoun while Creed is focused on the other chairs?JESSE KING: It's what I would do if I were him. Viva?*LR climbs back into the ring, but rather than going for a chair he's got something in his hand* TIM HOSS: Brass knucks! He's wearing brass knuckles!*As LR goes to nail Vokoun with the knucks with Creed's back turned, he runs straight into a chairshot from Vokoun! The impact sends LR over the top rope and back to the outside. Creed hears the "BANG!" and turns around, seeing Vokoun holding the chair. Vokoun shrugs, and throws the chair to the outside, where it makes a "BANG!" sound as it hits the floor, identical to the one it made when it hit LR. He then picks up another chair and does the same with it, resulting in another "BANG!"* VOKOUN: Thought you could use a hand with these.CREED (with a sigh): Okay, I guess I can't disprove that. JESSE KING: What a despicable cheater! He can't win anything without using weapons!VIVA: Yeah, that's how it works in the real world. You let other people win playing your game. Give me a break, King. Cheater? More like ultimate opportunist, and to think, a second earlier and he'd have been out cold at the hands of some vicious brass knuckles.TIM HOSS: Yeah, I suppose it escaped your notice that LodiRulz was getting ready to hit Vokoun with a foreign object right before that chairshot?JESSE KING: I saw nothing of the kind.VIVA: Use your eyes, dumbass.*Vokoun is now limping, but his leg still works well enough for him to follow LR to the outside. Vokoun picks LR up, gets him on his shoulders, and brings him down with a Samoan drop onto one of the chairs!* TIM HOSS: Suddenly things have gotten hardcore!VIVA: Honestly? After this broadcast, feel free to visit www.firecreed.com. This guy is a god damn hack, and he's lost not only my respect, but the control of this match.*Vokoun looks to see if Creed is still distracted, and then nails LR with a pulling piledriver onto the same chair! Vokoun rolls LR back into the ring, and as LR is moved away from the chair it can be seen to have an enormous dent. Vokoun climbs back in, favoring his injured leg, and makes the cover just as Creed finishes tossing out the last chair and starts to count the pinfall* One! Two! Shoulder up! TIM HOSS: Incredible! LodiRulz just had his head piledriven into a steel chair, and was still able to get a shoulder up!JESSE KING: I think I heard something about him wanting to go for the hardcore title sooner or later. Looks like he has what it takes!VIVA: THAT, My friends, was impressive. What a show of resiliency by the newbie.*Vokoun starts to set up for the Smoke Bomb, but LR hits him with a jawbreaker before he can execute the move! Vokoun staggers away as LR groggily brings himself to a standing position. LR catches Vokoun and brings him down with a Russian leg sweep before he can attack again, and follows that up by repeatedly dropping elbows on Vokoun's bad leg! Vokoun eventually manages to get in position to throw a punch, causing LR to backpedal. Vokoun tries to stand, but his leg gives out and he falls* TIM HOSS: It looks like LodiRulz's strategy of taking out Vokoun's leg has paid dividends.Command Station to Captain Obvious: No s***.*LR circles Vokoun, with Vokoun propping himself up on one knee and trying to stay facing his opponent. LR finally gets behind him and locks on a Dragon sleeper! Vokoun is eventually able to fight out of it and shove LR into the ropes. Vokoun meets LR with a big lariat that knocks him head over heels, before his leg gives out again and he joins LR on the canvas. Creed begins a ten count. Vokoun is the first to get up, although he's obviously trying to avoid putting too much weight on his bad leg. He applies the Mandible Claw to LR!* JESSE KING: Not the Mandible Claw! Get away from that maniac, LodiRulz, before he's got you coughing up blood!*Fortunately for LR, he happens to be close to the ropes and is able to get the break. Creed starts to count and Vokoun keeps the Claw on before pulling it away at four. LR rolls to the outside of the ring. Vokoun tries to stand up and follow, but once again his leg gives out and he's unable to stand* TIM HOSS: This could be bad for the Smokin' Vokoun. If he can't even stand, he'll be easy prey for LodiRulz.*LR circles the ring, clearly hoping to get at Vokoun from behind once again. Vokoun drags himself into a corner and pulls himself to a standing position using the ropes. LR sees an opportunity and sprints over to the corner, where he grabs Vokoun by the ankles and trips him up! LR climbs to the top and flies off with a shooting star press, crashing onto Vokoun! LR rolls him over and covers* One! Two! Kickout! JESSE KING: Damn it, I thought LodiRulz had him there!VIVA: Who booked this? I'm getting bored, s***. This thing is dragging forever! No thanks to god damn Creed!*LR pulls Vokoun into the center of the ring and immediately locks on The Darkness Engulfs Us! Vokoun fights to get out of the hold, but LR's got it on tight! He tries to get to the ropes, but once again his bad leg gives out!* JESSE KING: Haha, this is beautiful! Vokoun is stuck in the middle of the ring in that submission hold--which my notes say is called "The Darkness Engulfs Us"--and there's nothing he can do except tap out! I hope Ryan Starshine is watching this, Gorilla; he may have lost the Chicago Deathmatch against Vokoun, but all the punishment he puts Vokoun's leg through in that match is probably going to eliminate any chance Vokoun had of becoming the King of WrestleCrap!TIM HOSS: Don't count Vokoun out just yet, Jess. We've seen Vokoun come back when it seemed hopeless for him before.CREED: Vokoun! I've got to ask: do you give up? *Vokoun shakes his head as much as the hold will allow and continues to resist what must be an excruciating amount of pain, continuing his attempts to escape the hold. Vokoun makes no progress, however, and eventually his struggles start to cease. Finally, Vokoun goes entirely limp. Creed checks on him...* CREED (yelling to the timekeeper): He's passed out! Ring the bell! *The bell rings, and LR releases the hold. Vokoun collapses to the mat in a heap* MICHAEL MUFFER: Here is your winner, LodiRulz!TIM HOSS: Unbelievable! In his debut match for the WWCF, LodiRulz has defeated one of the toughest competitors our sport has ever seen! I don't envy whoever has to face him next.VIVA: Looks like I shouldn't pick winners in this tournament anymore, jesus. At least this thing is finally over. It may not have been entertaining, but it sure was a hell of an opening act for the charade known as LodiRulz. We'll see next week of this was just a mirage, or a sign of what's to come.*Creed raises LR's hand. LR doesn't seem to care that he's advanced in the tournament; he starts shambling away as soon as Creed lets go of his hand and heads for the back, looking depressed* (Fanfare & March - The Bobs) Tim Hoss - What is this?(we see The Sam come down to the ring with his head heavily bandaged with Lanny Poffo following behind. The fans start booing and heckling The Sam, but Sam has a serious look on his face. The Sam enters the ring and Lanny hands him a microphone) The Sam - Ladies & Gentlemen, my name is The Sam and I am the greatest - wait, scratch that - the GREATEST WWCF INTERFORUM CHAMPION OF ALL TIME!. Now I know what some of you dumb hicks are thinking, "Duh, but Mister Sam. You lost y'all". First off, learn some english. Y'all is not a word. Secondly, technically I did not lose. You see, because the match was supposed to be Lanny Poffo versus Cageking. So technically I was never meant to be in that match. So therefore, I did not lose. Lanny lost. So therefore, the streak is still UNBROKEN!!! (thumbs up) Thirdly, my title. While Lanny did technically lose the title, by the way Lanny, i'm not upset with you, i'm just dissapointed. Even though Lanny lost the title, It was still my title. So I feel I deserve a rematch and once again claim posession of my title. Now I don't care who the champion is. Whether it's Jonathan Michaels, Cageking or Mr Bleester, may he rest in peace. I want my rematch. Whether it's tonight, next week, the PPV, Gookermania, my house, your house, I want my rematch. I deserve it. I am The Sam and I am the GREATEST IF CHAMPION OF ALL TIME! THANKYOU!Tim Hoss - Delusions of grandeur much?Viva - What the hell did he just say?Jesse King - Didn't you guys hear him? The Sam was robbed, he never lost. He should still be the champion or at least get a rematch.Viva - Honestly, this guy's a douche. A whiny douche.Tim Hoss - No matter how he puts it. He still lost. He may get a rematch but what's the point? He can't win the title with a DQ.Viva - He friggin' lost!Jesse King - Well, I guess we'll have to see what Seth has to say about this next week.Viva - Now he's bringin' SETH into my life? I HATE THIS GUY!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 22:11:16 GMT -5
King of WrestleCrap First Round match: Neo Het V. Gus RichlenMichael Muffer: The following contest, with a fifteen minute time limit, is part of the First Round of the King of WrestleCrap Tournament!*"Boys Don't Cry" by the Clash plays as Neo Het emerges from a puff of smoke.* Introducing first, from Hot Topic, weighing in at 266 pounds, Kawaii Desu Neo Het!*Het takes the kitten he is holding and gives it to a young girl at ringside before pointing to the sky in memory of his father before entering the ring.* TIM HOSS: A huge opportunity for young Neo Het in this tournament.JESSE KING: No kidding. Het has really impressed me as of late, I will tell you that.VIVA: I don't know what's wrong with you two! Neo Het just gave someone a kitten at ringside! We have no idea if that cat has been spayed or neutered, if that cat is up on it's shots. That's downright dangerous! I think I'll call the ASPCA when this is all said and done.*Then "Scarred For Life" by Rose Tattoo blares over the speakers and a single large blast of pyro goes off.* KING: What the-*Gus Richlen soon walks down the ramp to a strongish pop, clad in long black trench coat, black A-shirt, black jeans, and black hiking boots.* And his opponent, making his WWCF debut, from Peshtigo, Wisconsin, weighing in at 170 pounds, the Xtreme Machine, Gus Richlen!KING: He calls himself WHAT?!?!?!HOSS: There has been a lot of buzz about this young man Gus Richlen. From what I have heard, and believe me, King, I have heard a lot, this kid possesses a fearsome arsenal of offensive moves and has more-VIVA: The only thing I like about this guy so far is his nickname. The Xtreme Machine? That's catchy stuff!KING: You've got to be kidding me.*Richlen suddenly throws his right fist into the air as a large pyro display goes off behind him. He then enters the ring and starts firing up the crowd from all sides of the ring.* KING: Well, if you ask me, he has far too much pyro for someone who hasn't even wrestled his first match here yet.VIVA: Well, it's a good thing nobody asked you then, isn't it. In fact, I've had about enough of your lip, King. You've been prejudice all night and I'm gonna ram my crutch up your...*John Creed quickly calls for the bell after Richlen throws off his coat. Both competitors approach each other, and it becomes painfully clear that Richlen is at a major size disadvantage, both in weight and height. Neo tries to go for a collar-and-elbow tie up, but Richlen instantly shoves him off. Neo tries again, and this time he succeeds in driving Richlen to the corner.* HOSS: I don't want to state the obvious, but Neo Het has a distinct advantage in size over the young newcomer Richlen.VIVA: Most of the roster has a size and weight advantage over me. Didn't stop me from climbing my way up to the top, Hossy.*Neo quickly backs off of Richlen, but as he turns back to the corner, Richlen wraps his legs around his neck and hits a headscissors takedown! Het cautiously gets up, giving Richlen a concerned look before locking up with Richlen again. This time, however, Het Irish Whips Richlen towards the ropes and puts his head down for a back body drop, but Richlen passes him by, bounces off the other side of the ring, and does a leapfrog lift off of Neo's back before hitting a two-footed curb stomp!* *Richlen then lifts up Neo and makes as if to Irish Whip him, but instead he hits an over-the-shoulder backbreaker! Richlen covers! 1 Neo kicks out before the two count.* KING: Yeah, nice try, kid, but you'll want to do a whole lot more than that to win this match.*Richlen starts to lift Neo Het again, but Neo catches him off-guard and hits a snap suplex! He then hits a quick standing moonsault before going for a cover of his own! 1 2 RICHLEN KICKS OUT!!!!* HOSS: But by the same token, it will take far more to beat Gus Richlen.VIVA: I don't mean to pry, 'Rilla Man, but you actually have no clue how much more it would take to defeat Gus Richlen. He could be physically drained right now. I say Neo Het goes for the Fingerpoke of Doom!*Richlen gets to his feet, only for Neo to hit the running bulldog! Neo tries another cover.... 1 2 RICHLEN GETS THE SHOULDER UP! VIVA: Or a running bulldog... I guess.Neo then goes to the top rope as Richlen stirs.* *Neo launches and hits the diving crossbody, but Richlen rolls through and traps Neo in a pin! 1 2 NEO BREAKS FREE!* KING: Wow, how close was that, Hoss?HOSS: Perhaps too close for either man's comfort.VIVA: Way to answer the question without answer the question, Big Hoss. "It was so close that TOO close doesn't even do it JUSTICE!" *fart noise**Richlen then attempts a suplex of his own, but Neo quickly hits a Tornado DDT! He then jumps over Richlen and ounces off the ropes before hitting the Lionsault! Neo has a cover! 1 2 RICHLEN KICKS OUT AGAIN!* *Neo lifts Richlen Up again for a snap suplex, but Richlen breaks free, slips behind Neo, and hits three consecutive German Suplexes! As Neo gets up, Richlen grabs him and hits a Reverse STO! He then rolls him over and goes for a fist drop, only to spin on his heel and hit an elbow drop!* HOSS: This does not look good for Neo!*Richlen then drags Neo partway to one corner, backs up, runs up the turnbuckles, kickflips, and hits a moonsault! Richlen covers! 1 2 NEO KICKS OUT!* *Richlen stalks the rising Neo, and when Neo does get up, Richlen grabs him around the throat!* KING: There's no way, there's absolutely no way-*Richlen gets Neo part way up for the chokeslam, but Neo blocks and hits an enziguri, and as Richlen staggers, Neo hits the Impaler DDT! Neo covers! 1 2 RICHLEN GETS THE SHOULDER UP AGAIN!!!!* HOSS: Good grief, King, what is this young man made out of?!VIVA: Rumor has it, Hossy, that he's made out of Unobtainium. Or yellow peeps. The verdict is still out. The smart money is on yellow peeps if you ask me.KING: VIVA... SHUT. UP.*Neo lifts Richlen up, but as he does so, Richlen catches him, rotates 360 on his heel, and hits a spinebuster!* *Richlen starts yelling wildly and yanks his shirt off and throws it into the crowd!* KING: Boy, that Richlen sure has a lot of ta- WHAT THE HECK IS ON HIS SHOULDER?!*Neo slowly rises, but before he can rise from a kneeling position, Richlen runs at him, and with a loud scream, he bicycle kicks Neo in the side of the head!* *Richlen covers! 1 2 NEO KICKS OUT!!!!* HOSS: I thought Neo was done for sure after that!VIVA: I still want to know what was on his shoulder.*Richlen starts stalking Neo again, and when Neo gets up, Richlen successfully chokeslams him!* *Neo slowly rises again, but Richlen grabs him as if to hit an Angle Slam, but drops Neo partway down his back and hits a belly to back piledriver similar to the Celtic Cross!* HOSS: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what he calls the Final Judgement, and it is not hard to see why!VIVA: But he hasn't even secured the pinfall yet. The Judgement has not yet be made final... So it IS kinda hard to see why he calls it that.*Richlen covers Neo again! 1 2 3!!!!!* MICHAEL MUFFER: Here is your winner, the Xtreme Machine, Gus Richlen!*Richlen lifts Neo up and extends his hand in a show of respect. Neo looks at the outstretched hand, then shakes it!* HOSS: What a showing from both of these fine young competitors, King and Viva! Richlen, with that win, advances to the next round, but not without showing respect to his defeated foe!KING: RICHLEN HAS A TATTOO OF A CLEFAIRY ON HIS SHOULDER!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!VIVA: What the hell are you on about, King? Clefairies are the new tribal.HOSS: Well, King, I don't think whatever is on the surface truly reflects what we have seen in this match! Ladies and gentlemen, in his own words, the Machine Shop is indeed open for buisness!VIVA: The Xtreme Machine Shop!*Man On The Silver Mountain* Evil M, dressed in a 3-piece suit, the Championship of Honor over his shoulder, and a band-aid on his left cheek, makes his way to the ring and demands the microphone from Michael Muffer. Ladies and gentlemen, at Christmassacre, it should’ve been MY night! I got a huge victory over Lionhart in an epic match that should’ve been the main event! And then I was about to share my birthday cake with the entire building when the person who has been stalking me for the last month struck again. And to top it all off, Lionhart knocked me into the cake, both ruining my birthday and giving me a gruesome injury at the same time!The crowd laughs. It’s not funny! My entire face was submerged in frosting! I could’ve drowned!More laughter. I’VE HAD IT!!!
Look, I know who it is, this person who’s been stalking me.
That’s right, I know exactly who you are. I’m sure you’ve been having fun, haunting me at every turn. I bet you were the one responsible for that fireball a few weeks back, too. Well you know what?
It’s gotten old. At first I was amused, but now, I’m just sick of it. So why don’t you come on out here right now so we can end this and move on?M turns towards the entrance, but nobody comes out. Exactly.
You’re not coming out and I know why. Because you’re scared. You know firsthand exactly what I’m capable of. You understand what I can do. That’s why you’re not out here now. That’s why you’ve been in hiding for months. You know, deep down, that not only can you not beat me, but that I can hurt you. Badly.
So now that we’ve taken care of that, let’s move on, shall we?
As you all know, over the last several months, I’ve had my open challenge for the Championship of Honor. And although many of tried, nobody has been able to take my title. So therefore, I’m ending this waste of time. I’ll allow Mr. Drakin to come up with my next challenger. Just make sure it’s someone deserving, not some hack like Lionhart.
For my new year’s resolution, I promise to defend my Championship with decency and honor, just as I did in 2010. You have my word.
FOR YELLOW JACKET!!!
FOR FRANCE!!!
AND…
FOR HON-Evil M stops in mid-word and feels something on him. He turns his head slowly towards his left shoulder and sees a tarantula on it out of the corner of his eye! The crowds pops as a frightened look bestows his face. He shakes and throttles wildly trying to get the arachnid off of him. His Championship of Honor falls off in the process, but finally, Evil manage to get the tarantula off of his person. King: Wait a minute, Gorilla! That looks like...it can't be!Gorilla: It is, King! It's Scar! What is he doing here?!Viva: You know, I've never really wondered why that spiders go unsquashed. Like, I get it. Evil M has a crippling fear of arachnids. Fine. But dude, get a grip. The thing is tiny compared to you. Squish it.The crowd laughs at Evil M once more as he sits himself on the top turnbuckle, elevating himself away from the spider. He starts shouting obscenities at the crowd for laughing at his arachnophobia. Not letting one eye off of Scar, he then cautiously gets off the top turnbuckle and off of the apron, which causes more of an outburst from the fans. He walks around the barricades yelling at the crowd and telling them to "shut up" as always. He starts making his way up the ramp as the WWCF Galaxy boos him. All of the sudden, the lights go red yet again. The boos turn to massive cheers as Evil M backs up near the apron. Bold, red words illuminate the tron. IT'S
TIMEAbruptly, the screen goes black and the lights go back to normal. The crowd show their displeasure. Evil M tounge-in-cheekily smirks and shrugs. He makes his way up the ramp and to the stage. He turns around to the fans ands starts making the crybaby gesture towards them. Just then, a familiar music starts to emanate from the speakers. Gorilla: OH MY GOD! CAN IT BE?! CAN IT BE?! Viva: Rilla Man, you aren't teaching 'Overselling 101.' Relax. Everyone knows what that music means, and yes, it certainly could be. You're blowing out my eardrums yelling like that.As expected, a very fresh looking Sparks walks from behind the black curtain to an already enormous pop. Evil M backs away as Sparks approaches him with a foreboding look on his face. Evil backs up all the way to the ring apron and attempts to get in it. Realizing the Scar is still in there waiting for him, he hesitates, only for Sparks to grabs his legs and pull him of the apron. Evil M falls hard on the floor. Sparks leaps on to him and delivers blows to the head in quick succession. Gorilla: My god! Sparks is just taking to the champion!King: He can't do this! He's not even with the company anymore! This is an act of terrorism!Viva: I knew when I recruited this guy into Heavy Metal Hollywood that he was going to be something special. Unfortunately, he took me taking him under his wing as an excuse to get lazy and stop working. He's come back with a bang though, hasn't he? Good lord. The year of Sparks?Evil M tries desperately to crawl or claw his way out of it, but Sparks won't let up. Sparks just keeps pounding and pounding. He quickly gets off of him and walks to the timekeepers table for a chair. He grabs on and folds it up. Evil M stands himself up using the barrier, only to have Sparks smack his head in with the hard steel. Evil M goes down and looks to be out-cold, but that doesn't stop the Arachnomaniac. He plants the steel chair onto Evil M's torso. THWACKGorilla: Oh my god almighty! What a loud smack!Viva: That'll be on youtube. Good grief. What an addition to the 'WWCF's Nastiest Chair Shots' DVD.He administers another blow to Evil M's lifeless body! THWACKKing: Somebody stop him! He's going to kill him! Viva: I love seeing people taking pages out of my play book. Keep your foot on the gas, Sparky!Mercifully, Sparks stops. He tosses the steel chair aside and goes to rummage under the ring for a weapon. He starts to pull out something obscured by the rung steeps. As he lifts the object up, it is revealed to be a table! He shoves the table in the ring. He quickly walks to Evil's corpse and does the same with it. Sparks himself gets in the ring and starts to set the table up. As he is doing this, Evil M miraculously starts to stir. Sparks walks back to him and spitefully stomps on him. He goes back to finish setting up the table. King: Oh no! He wouldn't! Gorilla: Oh hell yeah he would!Viva: I would... and I like Evil M. Kid's a class act.Sparks then grabs Evil M and starts ripping off his expensive-looking garb. He continues until Evil is wearing nothing but his collard shirt. He takes his clothes and throws them to the outside. He takes up Evil and and get him in a suplex position in front of the table. He lifts him up, spins him around, and delivers a Spinnerette right on the table! Gorilla: My god! Evil M's body crashes straight through oak!Viva: Oak? Not even on it's best day. Ply-oak, maybe.The wood splinters as Evil comes crashing down with a sick thud. The fans erupt and show their delight. Sparks stands over Evil's battered carcass as Pull Me Under plays once again. Sparks picks up the COH title belt and looks at it with humble eyes. He nods and drops it onto Evil M's face. Sparks picks up Scar and puts him on his shoulder. He gets out of the ring and walks towards the Gorilla position, leaving Evil M in a twisted wooden heap. King: This is not right! Evil M's career maybe over!Gorilla: It very well maybe, but you can't doubt the gigantic impact the returning Sparks has made here tonight on the champ!Viva: Dude, Evil M was the hardcore champ for like... eleventy billion years. He's gonna hurt for a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months, but the guy has made a living for taking ruthless ass kickings. The theme of the night seems to be selling proven winners and champions short, and I'm not sure why. He'll be back, and Sparks better sleep with one eye open.Sparks turns around and raises his arm, signaling to the WWCF Galaxy that he has indeed returned. King of WrestleCrap First Round match: Tyfo V. LionhartMuffer - The following contest is set for one fall, with a fifteen minute time limit, and it is a King of WrestleCrap first round match!*New Blackjacks Theme* Muffer - Introducing first, from Dallas, Texas, weighing in at 245 pounds, Tyfo!*Lion Heart* Muffer - And from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 210 pounds, Lionhart!Hoss - Here we go. Tyfo is a former WWCF World Champion and he definitely has what it takes to get back to the top of the mountain. A win here takes him one step closer to accomplishing just that!King - And on the flipside is Lionhart, who’s probably only here because they couldn’t find anybody else. Seriously, I want to see this guy’s qualifications, because I cannot believe that this guy is actually a wrestler! He’s never even won a match here!Viva - Oh, shut the hell up, you dusty old fart. I don't know if you remember, but I got off to a rough start, too. I'm not vouching for the kid, because I don't know if you remember, but he's got a little bit of a stupid streak in him. I mean, challenging me? That's honestly laughable at this point in his career. That being said, though, I don't think it's real smart to sleep on him. Everybody needs a little time to find their footing underneath the big lights.Lionhart and Tyfo tie up. Tyfo shoves Lionhart to the mat, but the youngster is right back on his feet! Another tie up, Lionhart with a standing switch, belly to back suplex! Cover! 1! Kickout! Hoss - Jesse, that’s all the qualification you need to see to know that Lionhart belongs here.King - Oh wow, he can do a suplex! Big whoop!Hoss - Heart, Jess. The kid has the heart of a lion!Viva - Plus, when's the last time you lifted anything other than the remote, a slice of pizza, or a beer? Let's be honest here.Lionhart hit’s a dropkick that knocks Tyfo to the mat, running elbow drop attempt, but Tyfo rolls out of the way! King - And there’s why Tyfo is gonna beat this kid! Because he has brains!Viva - Tyfo certainly has the momentum, there's no question. The guy's a former champion, and he knows what it takes to win. Lionhart still has a punchers chance.Tyfo pulls Lionhart up, snap suplex! Kneedrop by the former World Champion, cover! 1! Kickout! Hoss - Kickout by Lionhart!King - Take it easy Gorilla. I know how much you love this kid, but Tyfo’s just getting warmed up!Viva - Is there something I'm missing here. Something going on between the two of you? Smells a little fishy in here, and by fishy I mean it smells like a little bit of jealousy coming from King. You mad that Hossy's found a new boyfriend?Hoss - Shut up, Viva!King - Haha, yeah! Shut up!Tyfo pulls Lionhart up by the hair and shoots him into the ropes. As Lionhart bounces back, Tyfo ducks his head for a back body drop, but Lionhart hit’s a neckbreaker instead! King - What?!Lionhart quickly off the ropes, Lionsault! Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! Hoss - How close was that?! Lionhart nearly had it!Viva - All it took was one short flurry, and now the momentum is squarely in Lionhart's corner! Does he have what it takes to use the momentum to his advantage?!Lionhart scrambles to the top rope, as Tyfo gets up, Lionhart launches into a missile dropkick, but Tyfo catches him by the legs and drives him into the mat! Hoss - Oh that impact!King - He might have broken his neck there!Viva - High risk, high reward. You might not think he deserves respect, King, but it's risk taking like that that proves to me that Lionhart is bound to be a success in this federation.Tyfo hooks Lionhart’s legs and turns him over, Texas Cloverleaf! King - I’ll give the kid credit, Gorilla. He put up a fight. But like every other match, he just didn’t have enough to get the job done.Tyfo leans back and the ref checks Lionhart. He lifts the arm and prepares to call for the bell, but Lionhart fights it! He struggles to pull himself towards the ropes, Tyfo straining to keep the hold locked in place! Hoss - He’s fighting it! The kid is fighting off Tyfo’s signature submission!Lionhart get’s to the ropes, but just as he reaches for it, Tyfo pulls him back to the center of the ring! King - NO!! Not today, kid!Hoss - Dammit, I thought he was going to escape! I really thought this was his night!The ref in position, watching Lionhart’s hand. Tyfo laughs, seeing victory is right in his grasp, but Lionhart continues to hang on! Tyfo cranks back on the hold, but Lionhart fights it, managing to turn himself over on his back! Tyfo, keeping the legs hooked, leans over for the cover… 1! 2! Kickout! Hoss - Yes! He kicked out! He kicked out!Viva - The resiliency that Lionhart is showing tonight! Win or lose, he's leaving that ring with not only the respect of fans and the wrestlers backstage, but my respect as well. We all know my respect is worth a turd sandwich, but still. It needs to be said! The kid's leaving it all in the ring tonight!Tyfo grabs Lionhart and pulls him off the mat. Shoot into the corner, Tyfo charges, Lionhart moves out of the way! Tyfo slams into the turnbuckle! He turns around, just as Lionhart comes charging into him! Big clothesline, followed by an enzuguri! Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! King - See? Whatever Lionhart throws at him, Tyfo just keeps coming back!Viva - That's got nothing to do with the amount of conviction Lionhart has on display. Tyfo is a worthy adversary, and a win over him is a big deal in it's own right. You're selling Tyfo short.Lionhart pulls Tyfo up and sets for a brainbuster, but Tyfo shifts his weight to land on top of Lionhart! 1! 2! Kickout! Hoss - What an amazing back and forth battle this has been!Viva - I know I'm here to provide some kind of comic relief, but this right here is a fantastic match. Where's my popcorn?Tyfo grabs Lionhart and hit’s an atomic drop, then goes up to the second rope. King - Tyfo looking to end this thing, guys!As Lionhart turns around, Tyfo launches off for the Tumbleweed, but Lionhart catches him and rams him into the corner! Face crusher! Lionhart pulls Tyfo to the middle of the ring and locks in the Lion Tamer! Hoss - Lion Tamer! He’s got him in the Lion Tamer!Tyfo tries to fight it, but Lionhart sinks back in the hold, making it impossible for Tyfo to reach the ropes! With nowhere to go, Tyfo makes one final attempt to break free, before tapping out! Hoss - HE DID IT!!! LIONHART WINS!!! LIONHART WINS!!!Muffer - Here is your winner, LIONHART!!!Hoss - Do you believe in miracles?! LIONHART JUST BEAT TYFO!!!King - Geez, Gorilla! Quiet down, we heard you! Alright, so he proved me wrong, good for him. But he‘s got a long way to go before he can claim the title of King!Viva - I've got to agree here, Hossy. Act like you've been here before.King of WrestleCrap First Round match: Metal V. Ryan StarshineMichael Muffer – The following contest is a King of Wrestlecrap opening round match. It is scheduled for one fall and has a 15 minute time limit.*Caught in a Mosh starts playing on the PA* Michael Muffer – Introducing first-*Metal walks out holding his MITBoB briefcase.* Michael Muffer – From Kent, England, weighing in tonight at 263 pounds, this is Metal! Tim Hoss – So along with holding a guaranteed World Title shot, Metal also aims to add another achievement to his impressive resume, the King of Wrestle Crap tournament. Jesse King – Think about it Gorilla, if he wins he’s got TWO separate world title shots in his back pocket. That’s not something to take lightly. Viva - Think about it, Gorilla. If he wins the king of wrestle... give it a friggin' rest, Jesse. Give the folks watching at home a little god damn credit. Everybody knows what's at stake here.*He quickly beelines to the ring slides his case under the bottom rope and follows suit. He places his case by his corner and waits by the turnbuckle.* *Supermassive Black Hole [Elephant Armada Remix] begins playing on the PA* Michael Muffer – And his opponent, from Star City, Australia, weighing in at an alledged 200 and something pounds, this is the Technical Professional, Ryan Starshine! *All eyes turn to the entrance ramp, as Starshine fails to make an appearance. Michael Muffer walks over to the ring side and talks to a ring hand outside. Metal looks unsure what to make of it, but keeps his eyes focused around him. The music eventually stops playing.* Michael Muffer - …And his opponent…*Nothing happens. Metal says something inaudible to Muffer who says something back and shrugs helplessly.* Jesse King – Where’s the Technical Professional Gorilla? Tim Hoss – Well the last time we saw him he was thrown through a number of flaming tables. That’s not really something most people would walk away from. Perhaps, he’s decided to surrender his spot this year. I wouldn’t fault him if he did. * Doctor Beat suddenly begins playing on the PA. All eyes turn to the entrance ramp as a neatly groomed man in a suit makes his way out on stage.* Jesse King – Who’s this? Viva - Jobber alert!Neatly Groomed Man – Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dr. Feelgood. I have been the acting M.D. and physician for Mr. Ryan Starshine since he was delivered to the Municipal Parts Unknown Private Hospital late last Monday night. The reason I’m here is for his sake alone. After the damage he suffered in his last match, Mr. Starshine is in no physical form to wrestle tonight, or anytime in the near future. This is not just my opinion, but it is a fact. But while I have made my thoughts on the matter clear to Mr. Starshine and his attorneys, it appears that he disagrees on the matter. Now, Mr. Starshine’s attorney has signed a waver ruling MPUPH from any legal action in regards to any further damage suffered due to his actions tonight as a consequence of his decision. As we at MPUPH feel that the legal costs in trying to stop Mr. Starshine from pursuing this course of action would be too great and difficult to endeavor. We have decided to allow him to compete tonight with myself and another trained medical staff to be on hand for the duration of the match. Now ladies and gentlemen, if you would allow me, I’d like to introduce Mr. Ryan Starshine. *Supermassive Black Hole plays on the PA. A medic walks out backwards from the entrance pulling a trolley. He turns the trolley around-* Jesse King – AHHH! Tim Hoss – You have got to be kidding me. Viva - So this turd Metal gets basically what amounts to a bye because Starshine can't hack it? I took twice the beating he did last week! Sack up, Nancy! He could easily employ the "fall on metal" technique. No way Metal has the strength to lift that casted body off of him.*Strapped to the trolley is (apparently) Ryan Starshine, covered from head to toe in a medical cast. He appears unable to move as the medic pushes his trolley down the ramp. Once he reaches the ring, the medic, Dr. Feelgood and a few ringside crew members begin un-strapping Starshine. They then lift him off the trolley and literally slide him into the ring. They follow him in and prop him up against the corner turnbuckle. Metal and the referee almost look unable to comprehend the situation. The referee almost hesitantly signals for the bell.* Jesse King – So, this is really happening? *The bells rings* Tim Hoss – I guess so. Metal stands in his corner dumbstruck. He curiously walks over to his opponent and prods his chest. He turns to the referee who simply shrugs. Metal grabs the cast bound Starshine and gently places him on the ground. He plants a single foot on top of him and orders the referee to count. 1… 2… 3 Michael Muffer – The winner of this match, Metal! *Metal shakes his head and shrugs as he walks back over to his corner, grabs his MITBoB case and exits back up the ramp.* Jesse King – Well… he won. I guess that counts for… something. Tim Hoss – I’m… not really sure what that would be. But at the very least, he’s now reached the second round of the 2011 King of Wrestlecrap Tournament. Perhaps having an easier first round will help him out when it comes to his next match. We’ll have to wait and see whether that truly is the case. Viva - You know what? I've had enough. Someone has to say it. Camera, cut in on me.*The camera cuts in on the commentary table.* Viva - I hereby officially apologize on behalf of the WWCF and their booking team. To recap, you just saw a doctor, Dr. Feelgood, no less, cart a crippled man out here to take a loss. That just happened. There's no coming back from here. All I can do is apologize to anyone with eyes. And ears.*Jesse King and Tim Hoss giggle audibly over the mics.* Viva - Laugh it up, boys. Laugh it up. Talk about jumping the shark.*The ring crew help place Starshine back on the trolley and the Medic wheels him back up the ramp, closely followed by Dr. Feelgood.* King of WrestleCrap First Round match: The General of the Monkey Army V. SyxxMichael Muffer: The following contest is a King of the Crap match. The winner will continue on to compete next week in the second round of the tournament to become King of the Crap. The match itself can be won by pinfall or submission, and has no time limit. First, from Lansing, Michigan and weighing 225 pounds, the General of the Monkey Army!Viva: I was King of the Crap once. It was pretty rad, but I will tell you this, walkin' around calling yourself 'King of the Crap' doesn't fly real well with the ladies. *”King Kong 2004” plays as the General walks down the ramp with his monkey sidekick Bingo on his shoulder. Bingo leaps onto the ring post as the General enters the ring and removes his beret and jacket.* Tim Hoss: We haven’t seen much of the General since his failed attempt to capture the Hardcore Championship against Metal back at the In Your Apartment pay per view. Now he has a chance to add a new title to his name: King of the Crap.MM: And his opponent, making his debut in the WWCF; he is from Parts Unknown, weighing 210 pounds, Syxx!*The arena’s speakers play ”Cerebus Battle” from the Devil May Cry soundtrack . The main lights dim and red floodlights bathe the ramp. A figure in a hooded duster strides out. When he reaches the ring he climbs the steps, goes to the middle of the apron, and removes his hood. Pyro goes off from all four corners of the ring and he gives the fans a hard stare. * Jesse King: Whoah. Creepy.TH: There’s an undeniable intensity to this young man who was just recently hired by WWCF.JK: I honestly don’t know anything about him, Gorilla. Syxx has pretty much kept to himself since he joined the roster.TH: Comissioner Morton must have seen enough in him to give him a slot in the King of the Crap Tournament.Viva: Commissioner Morton? Is that what we're calling her these days? She doesn't even commission anything. She just sits around with Drakin's good and plenties in a vice grip. We all know she runs the show, Sethy! You aren't foolin' anybody!*Syxx has removed his duster and gone to slump in his corner. Referee Will Alphonzo calls him back to the center of the ring to go over the rules with both wrestlers. When he calls for the bell the two get in an elbow and collar tie up. The General transitions it into a wrist lock. Syxx rolls forward and kips up to break the hold. He Irish whips the General into the far right turnbuckle and charges. The General knocks him back with an elbow to the face. General comes out from the corner and swings at Syxx, who dodges and kicks at General’s left leg. Syxx continues to hit stiff kicks at both legs, hobbling the General. Kick to the stomach and then Syxx suplexes the General. Goes for the cover. One! General kicks out.* TH: Those are some stiff kicks from Syxx.JK: Try saying that three times fast, Gorilla.Viva: Stiff kicks from Syxx! Stiff kicks from Syxx! Kiff Sticks from Syxx! DAMNIT!*General and Syxx both stand and lock up. General monkey tosses Syxx to the mat and applies and armbar. Syxx struggles to his feet and hits several elbows, forcing General to release the hold. General goes for a clothesline and misses, allowing Syxx to slip behind him and hit a sit out rear mat slam. Syxx covers. One! Two! General gets a shoulder up.* JK: Syxx is more than holding his own in this match. TH: I agree King. He might be on the smaller side when you look at the WWCF roster, but he’s been hitting the General hard. Plus he’s shown some real speed.Viva: We might be seeing the good old fashioned possum play by General here. I guess in this case you could say he's "monkeying around."JK: Ba-dum, ching!Viva: Shut up.*Syxx sits the General up and runs the ropes, hitting a Shining wizard. Again he drops down to cover. One! Two! The General kicks out. Frustrated, he drags the General to the apron and sets him up for a leg drop. After connecting both men land outside the ring. Alphonzo starts to count them out. One! Two! Syxx pulls General up to throw him back into the ring. Three! General powers out and slams Syxx’s head into the apron. Four! He grabs Syxx and rams him into the barricade. Five. General limps back to the apron and rolls into the ring.* TH: Not the prettiest offense from the General of the Monkey Army, but effective.JK: I’m surprised the General had that much energy after those shots from Syxx.Viva: That's a great point, King. I think because of the Generals fondness of apes, we tend to take him lightly, but he's showcasing exactly why that would be a mistake right now. He's resilient, he certainly has his own style, and he can catch you when you least expect it.*Alphonzo starts the count again. One! Two! Three! Syxx gets up and heads back to the ring. He slingshots himself in and gets caught by the General. DDT. General covers. One! Two! Kick out. General stands and begins stomping at Syxx’s legs. Syxx rolls to the ropes and Alphonzo warns General to stop. General grabs a leg and elbow drops it. Alphonzo orders him to stop. Bingo scurries into the ring and jumps on Alphonzo’s back. While Bingo covers the ref’s eyes General drags Syxx by the leg to the front left corner and jumps outside, bending it first against the apron, then around the ringpost.* TH: The General of the Monkey army is using Bingo as a distraction to illegally assault Syxx’s leg.JK: A classic example of “See No Evil,” Gorilla. A darn good strategy, since it will serve to ground Syxx’s high flying offense.Viva: I don't even know what to say right now. Those of you watching at home, yes. That just happened. A referee was rehabilitated by monkey. I know exactly what's going through General's head. "Good Monkey." Now when he gets home, he won't have to... Spank the monkey. Yeah, I said it. I'll be here all night, try the veal!TH: Just stop.*Alphonzo finally shoos Bingo away and sees the General slamming the back of Syxx’s knee into the ringpost. He begins the DQ count, making the General stop when he hits four. Syxx rolls away from the ropes clutching his leg. General climbs up the turnbuckle and waits, measuring his man. Diving headbutt. The General hooks Syxx’s legs and goes for the pin. One! Two! Syxx gets an arm up.* TH: Unbelievable. I thought that would have done it.JK: You’re not alone, Gorilla. The General of the Monkey Army is looking stunned himself.*The General shakes his head and stands, still holding Syxx’s legs. He rolls him over and applies an inverted cloverleaf.* TH: The Monkey Wrench!JK: Another reason why going after Syxx’s legs was smart. It softened him up for the General's own version of the Gorilla Clutch, the dreaded Monkey Wrench.Viva: ♪♫ "Don't wanna be your monkey wrench... FALL INNNN FALLL OUTTTT" ♫♪TH: Viva, shut the hell up and pay attention to the match!*Syxx struggles to escape, trying to pull himself towards the ropes. Finally, he taps. Alphonzo calls for the bell.* MM: Here is your winner, the General of the Monkey Army!*The General’s music plays as Bingo scoots into the ring and jumps on his partner’s shoulder. Alphonzo gives the chimp a sour look but raises the General’s hand.* TH: Well, the General of the Monkey Army proved to be too much for Syxx, but I have to say the newcomer looked good in his first match. Things really turned when the General was able to attack Syxx's leg so ruthlessly and without consequence.Viva: I couldn't agree more, 'Rilla Man. A tough effort by the newbie but he looked tough out there. I don't want to be on the receiving end of those kicks any time soon.JK: The General did what all warriors are supposed to do: win at any cost. I think if he keeps this mean streak up he has as good a chance as anyone to become our next King of the Crap: an officer, and a nobleman!Viva: I think another thing that needs to be mentioned is that General executed his gameplan to perfection. He studied the tape, saw that Syxx has a vicious arsenal of kicks, and he worked at the knee until he rendered Syxx's martial arts game ineffective. If The General continues to exploit the weaknesses of his opponents, he will go a long way in this tournament.JK: Excellent insight, Viva. 'Bout the only thing you've been useful for thus far.King of WrestleCrap First Round match: Little Naitch V. The Boiler Room BrawlerTH: We've reached the final match of the first round of the King of the Ring tournament!JK: It's two men gunning for the gold as Boiler Room Brawler takes on his two-time former stablemate Little Naitch.Viva: All I can say is that I think we're all ready to go home, kick the shoes off, maybe snake an ice cold cruiser. It's been a long night. Let's hope these two are saving the best for last. TH: Well let's join Michael Muffer at ringside...MM: The following match, scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit, is the final match of the first round of the King of the Ring tournament!*The New Black Jacks Theme* Little Naitch walks out to the ring, adorned in his robes.JK: I'd watch out if I were Little Naitch. He may have once been stablemates with Boiler Room Brawler, but is he ready to go one on one with him for the first time?Viva: I'd love to see 'Naitch switch up finishers tonight, especially after LodiRulz' blatant gimmick infringement earlier. MM: Now entering the ring, hailing from Las Vegas, NV and weighing in at 235lbs... he is a former WWCF World Champion: Little... Naitch!TH: Little Naitch has been chasing the WWCF World Title for well over a year giving his all every time and giving the fans their money's worth.Little Naitch disrobes and then paces about in the ring as BRB's music hits the speakers.MM: And his opponent...*Rigorous Vengeance - Municipal Waste* BRB walks out and points to Naitch, almost seeming to smirk, and then points to himself.JK: What's that about?TH: Former stablemates... Might be a sporting match tonight.Viva: Where's my pillow? MM: Now entering the ring, hailing from Rockford, IL and weighing in at 325lbs... Boiler... Room... Brawler!BRB walks up the ring steps and enters the ring.TH: BRB is coming off of a fresh loss to Damn Right Jackson last week at Christmassacre. Will Little Naitch be his first victim?JK: I dunno... BRB seems to be pretty cool-headed right now. Where did that fire and fervor go? Did he get fried again?TH: Maybe he found his old stash.JK: What?TH: Nothing.Viva: He probably found my old stash. That stuff has to be stale as all get out by now, which would explain why he's behaving like a total jackass. Referee Will Alphonzo starts the match. The bell rings and Naitch circles BRB, who turns with him.TH: Little Naitch circling BRB, but BRB plays defense...Naitch and BRB lock up, but BRB shoves Naitch away.TH: BRB overpowers Naitch almost out of the gate, this match could be rough.Naitch returns to his feet, then attempts to take down BRB by the legs, but BRB remains steadfast.JK: Ha! BRB's too big and too strong for Little Naitch. BRB's was always under Naitch but it's BRB's turn to shine now.Viva: Boilah's lookin' real good at the beginning of this match, but if it's one thing we've all learned over the last year and change, NEVER count out Littlenaitch. I've beaten that guy to hell and back only to suffer a loss. The man is damn near indestructible.BRB throws a stomp at Naitch, but Naitch catches the boot, sweeps BRB's leg, and dragon screws BRB to the ground.TH: He took him down!Naitch stands back up, but holds onto BRB's leg. He kicks the back of the leg a few times before BRB forces himself out of Naitch's grip.TH: BRB may have learned new stuff from Jazzman, but he's in the ring with a master tonight.Viva: It's so hard to take a guy seriously when his name is Jazzman. I don't mean to get off topic, but his finisher should be a Chloroform Napkin. It's about as effective as Jazz music at putting people to sleep.JK: We've got two studs in the ring right now, and you're dilly dallying in dreamland. Shut the hell up and focus on the match!BRB stands up, spins around, and delivers a knife edge chop to Naitch's chest. Naitch momentarily backs away, but then returns fire with a knife edge chop of his own to BRB's chest. BRB thrusts his hand out to Naitch's throat and starts choking him.JK: Naitch is gonna choke!BRB lifts Naitch up and slams him to the mat. He covers for the pin. Alphonzo counts one, two, Naitch kicks out.TH: Nice try with that chokeslam, but Naitch is made of sterner stuff than that.Viva: He's like "Pig Sloppa Chump" Scoot Sterner. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'll stop. I promise.Naitch rolls out of the ring to recover. BRB leans over the top rope and calls out to him.JK: C'mon, Naitch. Finish the match!Viva: Please! we're beggin' for a mercy kill here.Naitch rolls back into the ring. BRB throws a front kick at Naitch, but Naitch catches him again.TH: Oop... Caught the leg again...Viva: Honestly? 'Naitch just doesn't know the word quit. He has no clue what it means. Hell, you can't even get the guy to tap. He'd rather pass out or suffer injury. He's the toughest guy in the WWCF hands freakin' down, and honestly? I don't even think it's that close.Naitch drops down, pulling BRB overhead.JK: The heck was that? A... "leg" drag?Viva: I believe they call that a Mitsubishi Toyota Camry toe hold. I'm not surprised you didn't know about it, because it's only really taking off in the Japanese Indies.JK: Was that racist?Viva: Racist? Oh, no no no. That was just insensitive at best.Both men are back on their feet, but Naitch is up first. He takes the opportunity to elbow drop BRB in the back, but BRB still makes it to his feet. BRB goes for an elbow drop of his own, but Naitch rolls out of the way.TH: BRB's lost weight makes him more agile than before, but he still has ninety pounds on Naitch, both a good thing and a bad thing.Naitch is back to his feet first, and he drops another elbow onto BRB's back, but BRB doesn't retaliate, instead waiting for Naitch to stand up. He shoulder blocks Naitch backwards into the ropes. He catches him with an Irish whip to the corner. BRB runs to Naitch and jumps for a body splash. Naitch is crushed and crumples to the ground. BRB throws a stomp at him, but Naitch slips under the bottom rope to the outside.JK: Oh... Chickening out again I see...Viva: I'm a very firm believer of what I call the "scruples gathering", which is what Good Ol 'Naitchy just did. He's just gathering his scruples man, you might call it chickening out, but I call it strategy. Oh, he also doesn't give a shit what you think, boner biter.JK: Boner biter? Really, man? That's just wrong.Viva: Maybe it is, but I'm cranky and I need a snack. Besides, what are you gonna do about it? I'll beat you up even broken in two.JK: Sigh... this is my nightmare.Referee Alphonzo begins the count on Naitch at one. BRB invites Naitch back into the ring.TH: For once, some proverbial love may have been lost between these two.JK: Wait, what are you saying, Gorilla?Alphonzo counts two on Naitch, who slips back into the ring.TH: You know the phrase, "No love lost between these men?" Well they were former allies.JK: I'm not sure I like where you're going with this.Viva: Typical Jesse King to make everything perverse and sexual. Come on man, get your head out of the gutter. We have a match to call!JK: YOU JUST CALLED ME A BONER BITER! I swear to god, I hate you so much.BRB gives Naitch berth to stand up, but then just as soon locks up and hammerlocks Naitch and lifts him into the air. Naitch taps the second rope with his foot to break the hold.TH: In any case, they seem to have no sense of being former allies. Or very little.Viva: Alright, since you keep harping on it 'Rilla bean. The fact is this, man, and I know it because I've been there, fighting against allies. When you have a match with something at stake, you don't fight to lose just because you have someone you can trust on the other side. That's not the way it works. The fact is, these two both have respect and admiration for each other, and they're going to leave it all on the table tonight because of that. Win or lose, there will not be any love lost, but the second you step into that ring, love means nothing.Naitch strikes BRB in the chest from behind then runs to the ropes, rebounds, and delivers a flying elbow strike. BRB remains on his feet, to which Naitch tries another flying elbow, but BRB stays up.JK: And again BRB's too big for Naitch. He cannot be toppled by a man who's ninety pounds lighter!Viva: 'Naitch has had no choice but to assume the lumberjack role tonight, and unfortunately it looks like he has quite a bit of choppin' to do before he grounds Boilah.Naitch tries one more time, this time attempting a flying knee, but BRB catches him with cradle, but Naitch counters and rolls BRB into an inside cradle pin.TH: Naitch with the reversal!Alphonzo counts one, two, three!*New Black Jacks Theme* Viva: ...Or he can just steal a victory. Man, that 'Naitch. Full of surprises.TH: Wait, what? Naitch did it! He pulled out a victory out of nowhere, but he rope a doped his way into the next round!JK: But... but... What about BRB? This should have been his time to ascend! Where's his retribution?Naitch stands up and holds his hand out to BRB.JK: Do it BRB! Show him that you mean business!BRB locks eyes with Little Naitch.TH: It was a closer match than it looks if you asked me. Little Naitch had a little lady luck tonight with that inside cradle pin.BRB grabs Naitch's hand and stands up. He raises it up high and points to Little Naitch.TH: What's this? Maybe they are still friends after all.JK: He should have sucker punched him.Viva: I'm with King. Boilah looks like a little girl now.*DOA* Jonathan Michaels walks to the ring with a mic, he climbs into the ring and glares at Naitch. I understand you're upset about last week, Naitch, but I'd really like to know exactly why you blame me?Michaels, I used to have respect for you but that went out the window last week when you not only laid down and cost us the World Tag Team Titles but then when you went and took the Inter-Forum Title from CageKing after the guy had three brutal matches. As far as I'm concerned Michaels, I am not teaming up with you again. You are not very trust worthy and what I want to do right now is issue a challenge to you for your Inter-Forum Championship. I don't give a damn when the match is because when we do have that match, I will be taking that belt off of you!!!Yeah, yeah, I get the whole moral superiority vibe you're putting off, but earlier this week you asked me why I didn't simply go help Hideo.
I think the real question is, why didn't YOU?
You talk about what I've done, the horrible, despicable things I did, but the thing you don't get is that it's not as black and white as you think it is.
You know as well as I do that last week Blood and Stone put me in an impossible situation, sure we know now that there's nothing that would have stopped Blood and Stone from doing what they did, but in the heat of the moment, I had to do what I thought would help keep my girlfriend's father from getting hurt, I decided that it wasn't worth the tag titles to let an old man, no matter how much of an ass he is, get hurt.
And when I made that decision, what did you do?
Did you try and help Hideo, did you try and do anything constructive?
No, all that mattered to you was winning, and you got in my face and called me a coward.
So don't you even dare to get on your high horse and think you're better than me.
As for cashing in on Cageking?
You think I like myself for screwing him over like that?
I did it because at the time I decided to do whatever I had to do to get my hands on Blood and Stone again, if that meant taking the Inter-Forum title from a tired, weakened opponent, who should have known that something like that could happen, then so be it.
I've already agreed to give Cageking another shot after King Of Wrestlecrap is over with, so he can focus on the tournament, because I know damn well that I owe him.
But I don't owe you a damn thing, Naitch.
I wanted the both of us to go after Blood and Stone again, but if you're not interested, so be it, I'll find someone else to team with me.
But you haven't earned a shot at this belt, last time we fought one on one, I beat you fair and square, so you have no right to try and claim a title shot.
But despite all that has happened, I have a counteroffer.
I leave you alone, and you leave me alone, we're done with each other, Naitch, so stay the hell out of my business.Jonathan drops the mic and leaves. TH: Well we're outta time. I'm "Gorilla" Tim Hoss...JK: I'm Jesse King.Viva: I'm The A-list Superstar, and recently coined "Sexiest Man Alive" by www.madeupgossiprag.com, Viva Los Bio Dome!TH: And we'll see you all next Monday as the King of the Ring tournament continues! Credits: Colt, Bergman, DR Jackson, Caleb Fourchon, Dread Pirate Mulligan, Evil M, Socko’s Brother, The Sam, Richlen, Sparks, Starshine, BRB, Jono, and Naitch Special thanks to Viva for his contributions to the commentary team
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 22:14:15 GMT -5
Matches confirmed for next week:
King of Wrestlecrap Quarterfinal match: Cageking V. Square
King of Wrestlecrap Quarterfinal match: LodiRulz V. Gus Richlen
King of Wrestlecrap Quarterfinal match: Lionhart V. Metal
King of Wrestlecrap Quarterfinal match: The General of the Monkey Army V. Little Naitch
|
|
Gus Richlen Was Wrong
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
Fun while it lasted
Posts: 38,581
|
Post by Gus Richlen Was Wrong on Jan 3, 2011 22:20:30 GMT -5
i can take my match after voting, m.
|
|
Viva
Dennis Stamp
THAT'S MY PURSE! *kick to the groin*
You can dance if you want to.
Posts: 4,099
|
Post by Viva on Jan 3, 2011 22:24:41 GMT -5
I actually like the way the voting shook out this week. A lot of lower card guys getting big time rubs.
|
|
Gus Richlen Was Wrong
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
Fun while it lasted
Posts: 38,581
|
Post by Gus Richlen Was Wrong on Jan 3, 2011 22:27:46 GMT -5
I actually like the way the voting shook out this week. A lot of lower card guys getting big time rubs. i noticed that too. nice to know that two of the newest (me and lodi) will be in a quarterfinal to boot. also, viva, i really enjoyed reading your commentary. esp. the "Clefairies are the new tribal" line during my match. [Bogart]This could be the start of a beuatiful friendship.[/Bogart]
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 22:27:53 GMT -5
Now that the first round has passed, I can say this. These were not the originally generated matches. I was not satisfied with how the tournament originally looked, as I felt it was too predictable, so I redid it. Seeing how things turned out with the revised card, I think I made the right call.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2011 22:29:26 GMT -5
I actually like the way the voting shook out this week. A lot of lower card guys getting big time rubs. Indeed. I was so happy to see Lionhart finally get a win.
|
|
Viva
Dennis Stamp
THAT'S MY PURSE! *kick to the groin*
You can dance if you want to.
Posts: 4,099
|
Post by Viva on Jan 3, 2011 22:32:23 GMT -5
I'm finding commentary refreshingly difficult. I think you'll see a bi-polar sort of quality to it. Sometimes I just put people over large, other times I act like a diva.
I just don't want anyone to think I'm burying their writing. I thought the matches were great. Anything said was done so in character.
And gus, yeah, I thought that was hilarious. You wrote the commentary, I just fed off of it.
|
|
Viva
Dennis Stamp
THAT'S MY PURSE! *kick to the groin*
You can dance if you want to.
Posts: 4,099
|
Post by Viva on Jan 3, 2011 22:33:00 GMT -5
I actually like the way the voting shook out this week. A lot of lower card guys getting big time rubs. Indeed. I was so happy to see Lionhart finally get a win. Agreed, he's been written quite well since his debut.
|
|
|
Post by hossfan on Jan 3, 2011 22:52:11 GMT -5
Great show, everyone. I loved Viva's commentary, and the Metal/Starshine "match." And add me to the list of people who were happy to see Lionheart get his first win. Sparks returning is great, and I'm curious to see what happens with Colt, Blood, and Stone.
|
|
Jazzman
King Koopa
Trombone Shorty > Your Favorite Musician
Posts: 11,231
|
Post by Jazzman on Jan 3, 2011 22:58:18 GMT -5
well that first segment was kinda awesome. Th ending was awesome and everything in between... was awesome. Great show everyone.
|
|
|
Post by Topher is Human on Jan 3, 2011 23:30:43 GMT -5
Only Kinda awesome?
It was really hard to get everything in there. I mean me and Jackson have way too much history to just ignore that we're going to be fighting for the title. Me and Jazzman obviously had to continue. Me and Socko have been talking about teaming up for a while and this was the best time for it. Naitch obviously hasn't liked my heel turn. Naitch and Jono needed some form of retribution against Blood and Stone and Jackson has alot of history with both Naitch and Michaels.
So I hope everyone is happy with how that very long segment played out. I chose to make it without commentary because frankly my head would've exploded.
But beyond that, that was an awesome show. Great to see Lionhart finally get a big win, and over Tyfo no less, perfect booking. And I'm really looking forward to seeing how the new guys evolve over time.
And how about Jackson and Michaels vs Blood and Stone next week, with Colt on Commentary?
Would be cool to see the WWCF Champion and the Inter-Forum Champion vs the Tag Team Champions.
Oh and welcome back Sparks of course!
|
|