The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Apr 27, 2008 15:39:25 GMT -5
*"Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin plays over the PA system, and Andy Duke comes out to the ring, decked out in a suit, tie, and sunglasses. He high-fives fans on the way to the ring. Once in the ring, he grabs a microphone.*
Duke:Tonight isn't just another day at the office. Its the most important day of my life. It is my chance to prove I'm not just a big failure. Tonight could be my redemption....but before I can do that, there's one thing I've yet to finish. Before I can become a new man, I've got to own up to my my past mistakes, and try and mend my broken fences. I've privately mended many fences. All but three. I would like do the final three right here, right now. So if you would please help me welcome Jimmy Thunder, Jason Jupiter, and Terina, TJT!
*The ominously familiar limo pulls up as Filter's "Welcome to the Fold" starts up over the speakers. The trio step out, albeit with heavy booing. Thunder and Jupiter drop their shades, celebrity-style, and the three deliberately make their way to the ring, the entrance as usual. When they finally get into the ring, their music fades and the crowd goes into a buzz, as opposed to their booing earlier.*
Duke:Before I begin, I would like to congratulate you on your long, successful title reign. I don't think I ever congratulated you after your win. You guys have definitely proved to be a legendary team here in EWT. But flattery aside, I would like to sincerely apologize. Jimmy and Jason. I am deeply sorry for any slander, defamation of character and general rudeness directed your way by either myself or my two former partners, Jonathan and Alexa. I can assure you that it was spurted by jealousy. It brings my heart great joy that you two have been able to do everything I would have loved to do in my reign. Maybe we can lock-up once more some day. But if we do, I can assure you it'll be completely out of respect.
*The crowd gives Andy a mixed reaction.*
Duke: Please, let me continue. I know what I'm doing isn't the most popular thing. Finally, Terina. You have been an excellent manager. I envy that. And like I said to Jimmy and Jason, any slander your way, especially by my former love, I deeply apologize for. You are a great person, and a beautiful woman. If you three don't accept my apology, I understand. I'm not exactly expecting complete understatement after what I've said and done. Walk away. Spit in my face. Kick my ass. Whatever I get, I deserve...
Jupiter: You've got that right, you--*He suddenly notices Terina's hand covering his mouth, and he abruptly stops.*
Terina: Beautiful, huh? I'll have to add your name to the list of only thousands of people that have said that to my face...seriously, if all of what you said is serious...
Thunder: Oh yeah, Le-Gend-Ary!
Terina: ...Wait. How do we know you're not just kissing up, now that those laughable other veterans of the Cider Squad are nowhere to back you up?
*The crowd boos, but she ignores them, raising a single eyebrow as if to beg an explanation.*
Duke: Like I said, you can accept my apology, or shove it right back down my throat. But if violence is what you want, I have no choice but to let you win. That would be my well-deserved punishment. What I said may be considered flattery and general ass-kissing by some, but it is the truth. Everything I just said, I mean. I'm done with the double-speak and lies now. I don't have time for it. I had to find that out the hard way. Now, what do you say?
*The EWT World Tag Team Champions look on like a pair of attack dogs, ready to strike at the command of their "master," but they receive no such order.*
Terina: Well if that's the case, breaking your spirits is impossible...and you're definitely NOT a threat at all...
*She receives more booing for her condescending remark, smiling deviously.*
Terina: I see no reason to bother you anymore. We may like to beat people into submission, but we're not evil! Just uh...don't call Jack out here. He might try to sell you a flock of ducks...
Duke: Thank you. Thats all I really needed. Now If you'll excuse me, I need to go get ready for tonight's Rumble. Once again, thank you, and best of luck in the future. I hope me meet again.
*Duke leaves the ring, and screen fades to black.
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Post by Trik Turner on Apr 30, 2008 13:14:51 GMT -5
*Trik Turner makes his way to the ring & grabs the microphone.*
Spaz, I know you're here. And Spaz, I know you are a broken man. Think about it...ever since I stepped foot back in EWT, you have been beaten in your matches. But just what the hell were you thinking? You were afraid to face me like a man.
You put your hands on me in the Rumble, but you were afraid to fight me. Which is why I did what I did to you. Remember Spaz? Remember? Let this video refresh your memory:
You see that Spaz? You see what I did to you? Nobody has ever been hit by a Trik Turner off the top rope. Nobody!! And I assure you, that won't be the last time...
*Just then, Eric Young's music hits as Young runs to the ring. He slides in the ring, ready for his match. Trik charges at him, as Young ducks & bounces off the ropes. Young comes off the ropes with a high cross bodyblock. Young gets to his feet & grabs Trik, hitting him with a Showstopper. Young goes for a cover, but Trik kicks out. Trik gets to his feet & grabs the microphone.*
YOU DO NOT MOCK ME OR ATTACK ME!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DO YOU?
*Young just follows it up with a slap to Trik's face. This angers Trik some more, as he grabs Young & nails him with a knee to the midsection. Trik grabs Young in an airplane spin & turns it into an F-5. Trik then grabs Young & hits him with a Trik Turner & covers him for the 1-2-3. Trik grabs the microphone again.*
You see that Spaz? You see how he tried to disrespect me? Just like you've been doing since I came back here Spaz. Don't disrespect me again Spaz. DON'T!
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Sigma: Current SRW Champ!
Dennis Stamp
Writes about wrestling, does videos about game shows, helps transpeople, loves baseball etc.
Posts: 4,525
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Post by Sigma: Current SRW Champ! on Apr 30, 2008 13:48:26 GMT -5
*Backstage at the Royal Pain In The Ass Rumble*
Sum Guy: Hi, I'm Sum Guy and....
Before he makes an incoherant remark, Sigma steps in, cold and emotionless.
Sigma: Say something stupid, and you'll be in traction for the rest of your pathetic, miserable life.
Sum Guy gives the microphone to Sigma and walks off dejected.
Sigma: Mysth. How dare you. How dare you spoil my ingenious plan. You had absolutely no business interfering in my match, and you cost me the Title, which is now in the undeserving hands of Dave Davies. But, that's another matter altogether. Once again, you decided to mess with the best that this company has to offer: me. You will now learn firsthand the power that you so challenge. I also invite you to bring along that other miscreant in John Valentine. Oh, how I would adore bashing your putrid miniscule brains in. Also, if Ivy Rosepine decides to poke her little nose in my business, well I am not legally responsible for my own actions.
After I'm done with you, you will be serving me Coq Au Vin in a French Restaurant, because all you will ever be good for, is being a French Waiter. Rosepine can go back to the local brothel in Strasbourg, making 40 Euros for orally gratifying the clientel.
Just remember this. I am the alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. You began to mess with me, and I will end your career. That is the gospel truth. So it is written, so it shall come to pass. For I am Sigma, the master and ruler of the world.
Fan: Mr. Sigma. Can I....
Sigma then sneers and the kid goes away crying to the arms of his mom.
Sum Guy: I'm Sum Guy and....
Sigma: Shut up, you waste of molecular tissue.
Sum Guy: Yes sir.
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Apr 30, 2008 14:33:58 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously sits in his office, angry. Todd Grisham walks in.*
Mr. Dangerously, sir...any words regarding the Royal Pain In the Ass Rumble & your elimination?
*Dangerously gets mad & grabs Grisham by the throat, shoving him against the wall.*
Toom: Eliminated? Eliminated from a damn match that I created! Grisham, you do not understand any of it. You have never been in a match before!
*Toom releases his hold & sends Grisham out of the room & speaks.*
I have had a wrestling career in the past. A serious career. And never once have I gotten a championship belt. So I figured when the challenge was thrown out to Chance, even I would take it up to get the EWT Heavyweight Championship. But no...no, that bum Dave Davies wins the belt. And why? Because of you....you A-Bomb.
You stuck your damn nose where it doesn't belong. You came through the crowd without even being invited. If I wanted you in this match, I would have invited you. But you know what, you son of a b****? I am inviting you now. I am inviting you to step foot right back into the ring of Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation at an event created by me.
And I am inviting you to step foot inside MY ring for the 5th ever Crap-a-mania.
That's right A-Bomb...do whatever the hell you want. Call the stipulation even. And on June 1st, 2008...we will head south of the border to Mexico, where there is no rules.
Do you accept A-Bomb? Or are you afraid mto meet me at my game that I invented?
Now get this damn camera out of my face!!!
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Apr 30, 2008 20:30:52 GMT -5
Spaz is standing backstage.
It is time again, time for the greatest spectacle this company can produce. Crap-a-Mania. Turner, you don't know me, you don't know who I am inside. But know this Crap-a-Mania is my show, I always steal the show. C-A-M I was my first PPV & I threw Botchberg through a table from great heights to win. C-A-M III I was World Champion, I beat Gasoline, one of my best friends in this business, to keep my title. At C-A-M IV I wrestled what some people call the match of the year with Ratings. What have you ever done at Crap-a-Mania Trik? I tell you what, you pick the match, I don't care I will beat you at whatever you choose. When we go south of the border Trik you will be returning in a wheelchair.
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Post by invaderdave on Apr 30, 2008 22:01:07 GMT -5
*Video taped segment; 4/29/08, 12:04 AM*
"Its mine...its really mine..."
Dave is sitting on an table in the back, blood still smeared on his face, as an EMT circles him, stitching his gashes and cuts. Brian Gold watches from the back of the room, grimacing every so often at the scene, but Dave barely flinches when the EMT tightens the stitches. The EWT Championship lays at his side.
"I...don't think I have to tell you what I've had to do for this belt. I think this particular moment in time speaks volumes about what I've had to do. I've had to bleed buckets of my own precious plasma; I've had to break other men's bodies, ruin their lives, end their careers; I've had to travel this world, and learn everything there is to learn about this sport - new tricks, new moves, new styles, the works; I, against my will...had to stop at various times in my career, because my body was so battered and useless that I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning anymore."
Dave holds up his belt for the camera to see, as the EMT finishes up her stitching.
"And this is my reward. This belt has been held by friends, enemies, acquaintances of all kinds...People I've travelled with, people I've battled with, people who wouldn't look ol' Dave Davies in the eye to give him the time of day. This belt has been, for my entire career, one of many goals, a twinkle in the corner of my eye, something that I, at some times, never really thought I'd ever hold in my hands. But now, as I do so hold it in my very hands, I can say, with all honesty, that this belt is the most important thing in my life."
The EMT returns with a small bucket, and begins sponging the dried blood off of Davies' face.
"I'm dedicating this belt to all the other important things in my life; to my best friends from the past and present, in and out of the ring. To my unborn son. To my first mentor...*Davies holds up his wristband, revealing that he'd marked it with two D's*And all the rest. This belt is for you as much as its for me. When I'm defending this belt...when I'm bleeding for this belt, and destroying my body for this belt, remember...its for everyone who's ever believed in me."
The EMT actually has to stop sponging half way to go and find a new sponge and empty the bloody contents of her bucket. Dave looks past the camera and to the camera man.
"You got all this? Good. Now get the f*** out, we're busy here..."
The feed dies, and we throw to something else.
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Apr 30, 2008 22:46:50 GMT -5
Sum Guy is backstage with Andy Duke
Sum Guy: Now with me I have Andy Duke, the one man who everyone has a burning question for, and I plan on getting that answer. Andy, explain your actions at the Rumble, please.
Duke:Just mere milliseconds. Faster than a snap of my fingers. As fast as a lightning strike. That short period of time is what separated me from my fist ever world title shot. I was SO CLOSE, yet at the same time, so far away. And thats why I did what I did. It was a moment of weakness. I was fully aware of what I was doing and that it was wrong, but at the time, it felt so right. (To Sum Guy) I'm done with you!(Pushes Sum Guy out of frame). This goes out to you, Mr. World Champion. I applaud you for being able to win the title after that, but coming so close and walking away empty handed isn't going to sit very well with me. If you think I'm done, if you think I'm truly beaten, well, then you're in for a rude awakening.
Andy Duke walks away. Sum Guy stands up, looking upset and confused.
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default
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Blames Everything On Snitsky. Yes, Even THAT.
Posts: 17,056
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Post by default on May 1, 2008 23:31:44 GMT -5
*"Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by Westlife picks up as Sammy Stardust makes his way to the ring, dressed in a black tuxedo with an undone bow tie. He slaps hands with some fans on his way to the ring before climbing into the ring. Sammy Stardust looks around with a slight smirk on his face as he scratches his head before being offered the mic. His music fades as he paces around the ring for a second before speaking.*
Stardust: I was given some promo time and honestly, I probably should've passed on it. You see, I'm not big on trash talk. I guess I've just always held the view that actions speak louder than words. But Bullz-I...
Bullz-I, I've been watching you. That isn't to say, that I'm in your bushes every night watching you watching Sex in the City and That 70's Show. What I mean is, I've been studying your ring work. You're a man of calculated coldness and I can respect that.
*Sammy Stardust lowers the mic as a rowdy fan in the front row mouths something that Stardust pauses to hear*
Stardust: Hold on, chief... I'm getting there. Bullz-I, I can respect your dedication and I can repsect your desire... but that's where the respect ends. You seem to have a bad attitude, a tumultuous temper and all around appear to be an asshole of epic proportions.
*A few cheers break out as Stardust holds out his arm trying to quiet the crowd down.*
Stardust: Now, that's only one opinion and again like assholes, everyone's got one. Which means that you've got one and if I was a betting man, I'd gamble that you will, in fact, voice it.
*Stardust pauses again, shooting a confused look at a man at ringside. A smirk crosses his face as he raises the mic up again and continues.*
Stardust: Am I rambling again? I'm think I'm getting the cue to wrap it up, so I'll say this. Bullz-I, I'm not gonna stand here and intentionally badmouth you or play down your abilities inside this squared circle. On the flip side of the coin, I'm not gonna wish you luck. I'm not even going to give you the "may the best man win" spiel. It's just like this when I say... I'll see you when I see you.
*Stardust drops the micm eyeing the camera with a look of concentration as his music picks up. He breaks contact after a few moments and exits the ring, heading to the back.*
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Post by teamireland on May 4, 2008 15:30:46 GMT -5
*Coach O'Hare & Marisol Kaneshall are standing outside the Team Ireland locker-room. O'Hare looks even less happy than usual.*
Marisol: Mr. Coachman, you have to be disappointed with your team's performance in the Painful Rumble in the Ass. Have you any comments?
O'Hare: F***in' right I do! All these lads! Each one of them was S***E! For F***s sake, Shane even got beat up by a fella who's been 5' 5" tall since his debut, but for some reason had miraculously sprouted to being well over 7' tall & capable of slamming The Bad Man at the Rumble! How the F*** did that happen?! But that's a point I want to address, see, even though Aidan & Sean were properly eliminated from the Rumble... Shane never actually entered. He was never eliminated. So, Davies can prance about with that belt all he wants, but the truth is, until our new champ has managed to beat Shane... he has NO claim to that title! This week he has a match against the lad he just beat (like that'll be a challenge), but as soon as little Davey's ready... Big Shane'll be waiting to give him a challenge he won't soon forget.
We're done here, love.
Marisol: You raise a good point about Gigantor Maximus, though. And how did Spaz spear himself? How did Sammy Stardust do a short-arm clothseline?
O'Hare: Beats me... hey... I wasn't in charge of the match.
*Cut to the next thing.*
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Post by Tea & Crumpets on May 5, 2008 7:36:04 GMT -5
*Cut to backstage. Sum Guy is shown walking into the Highland Diamonds locker room*
Sum Guy: Hi, I-
*Angus MacAngus has walked over to Sum Guy and is stood in the doorway, blocking his path.*
Angus *restrained anger*:…….Leave………..Noo………
*Sum Guy pauses, confused. Angus gets tired of waiting and shoves Sum Guy out of the doorway, then slams the door shut. He sits back down and looks at the camera. Emerald Warrior is seen in the background, stretching and warming up.*
Angus:…….Royal Pain In The Ass Rumble. Mah EWT PPV debut. Warrior’s EWT PPV debut. We made a promise. A promise tah be the last 2 standing. A promise, that one of us would be tha EWT champion by tha end of tha night. Noo, neither of us fulfilled that promise. But at least my partner here, wasn’t made ta look like a joke!
*Warrior smirks in the background*
Warrior: 2 eliminations and tossing the former champion around like a sack of poorly cut jewels? It’s better than most of those kooky nobodies did.
Angus: Shut up! Not now!
*Warrior looks put off, then resumes warming up. Angus stares into the camera with an intense glare.*
Angus:........1 second……1, goddamn second!! Spaz, ya ozzie git. First ya take it into ya head ta brawl with Warrior around the ring, fergettin tha match. Then, I run down, I come in, I’m all set tah tear everyone tah shreds.....An ye toss me out straight away……..I’ve nobody tah blame but meself, fer allowin’ a washed up, only just returned, gone fah a year has been like ye ta eliminate me……But tha’s no consolation……Spaz, I assure ye, once we’ve got tha tag titles, mah singles conquest will begin, an’ I’ll come straight fah ye. And if ah can’t get ye 1 on 1, find yahself a partner, cause I won’t be forgivin or forgettin tha way ya ruined mah PPV debut.
*Angus runs his hands through his hair and stands up, leaning against the locker with his back to the camera, before turning back.*
Angus: But fah noo, we’re gettin’ our priorities back in order….Tha tag titles are still our goal. We will get them. Crap A Mania five is comin up, an’ TJT ain’t got a match. So Jupiter, Thunder, we extend a challenge ta ye. Ye’ve dodged and ducked us after every challenge so far, always facin’ otha guys who don’t deserve title matches. But if ye’ve got any guts, any true ability, ye’ll accept tha challenge this time. Ah’ve thrown down tha gauntlet, ye jus’ need ta pick it up an’ agree. Stop runnin’ away an face us.
*Emerald Warrior walks back on camera*
Warrior: You’ve been very very crafty so far, Hollywood reject number 1, Hollywood reject number 2, and Hollywood bimbo number goodness knows what! But sooner or later you’ll have faced everyone. Or, we’ll have just laid everyone else to rest. But the fact of the matter is, you can’t escape forever. In a very short amount of time, the Royal Pain in the Ass Rumble most undervalued performer the Emerald Warrior, and his good buddy, the modern day Bushwhacker Angus MacAngus, will get those titles, and we’ll ride into the sunset with them, and the whole of Aberdeen, and the whole of the Emerald City, and all of our Diamondmaniacs, will fill the streets in an orgy of celebration!
*Angus turns to Emerald Warrior ,still seething with anger*
Angus: ……Never call me a Bushwhacker agin.
*He turns back to the camera, before punching the door in anger*
Angus: But tonight, guess what happens! We get, another pair o’ jobbers. Tha Zephyr Brothers. I could talk trash, aboot how ah didn’t even know yah were still in tha company or what have ye, but ah won’t. I’m in a very bad mood. Last time we were here, ah was in a very bad mood, an yah saw what happened ta Deuce and ta Domino. Zephyrs, if ya thought that looked brutal, book an ambulance noo. Ah will not be humiliated, NOT AGAIN! Tha Highland Diamonds, will not be embarrassed or defeated again! But you two….ah can’t even come close ta describin what’ll happen tah ye tonight. But yah’ll know well enough once it’s happenin, cause it’ll be pain like nothin’ yah’ve felt before.
*Angus turns away and goes to retrieve his kilt. He picks it up*
Angus *mumbling with rage*: Tha’s it, I’m done. Git out.
*Without bothering to look over, he tosses the kilt over the camera lens as usual* *Cut to a Crap-A-Mania hype vignette*
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 5, 2008 12:47:47 GMT -5
Westlife begins to play and Sammy Stardust walks out onto the stage and greets the fans, but before he can do to much greeting Bullz-I suddenly rushes out and Dropkicks Sammy straight off the stage and to the concrete floor several feet below.
The fans turn angry and begin to boo but Bullz-I simply ignores them and jumps down to join his opponent.He pulls Sammy to his feet and then gives him a Jaw Jacker. Bullz-I gets to his feet and hoisting Sammy over his shoulder he carries his opponent to the ring and tosses him over the top rope. Bullz-I climbs in after him and then begins to deliver several devastating forearms to Sammy's back then he goes for a Swinging Neckbreaker From Hell. Bullz-I jumps to his feet and signals for his Finisher, The Invertibreaker, but much to his surprise Sammy suddenly lashes out with a right cross that makes Bullz-I stumble back a few feet.
Bullz-I gets an angry look on his face and charges full boar at Sammy, only to have Sammy drop him with another right cross. Sammy pulls Bullz-I to his feet as the crowd begins to cheer for Sammy and keeps getting louder by the minute. Sammy then takes Bullz-I down with a Hurricurania and then follows up with a series of Armdrags, one after another.
He pulls Bullz-I to his feet again and delivers a Spinkick that knocks Bullz-I on his back.
Sammy goes for the pin.
1.......
2.......
Just as the ref's hand is coming down for the third count Bullz-I's valet Callie suddenly runs into the ring holding a steel baseball bat . The referee is distracted and as he goes over to force Callie out of the ring, Bullz-I tosses Sammy off him. Sammy gets to his feet and goes to attack but before he can do much of anything, Bullz-I catches him with a low blow to the nads.
Seeing that Bullz-I now has things in hand, Callie leaves the ring without protest and walks away backstage.
With Callie gone, the referee turns his attention back to the two men in the ring just in time to see Bullz-I give Sammy an Invertibreaker and then go for the pin.
1.....
2.....
3!
Bullz-I wins yet again and the hostile crowd is NOT very happy about it and they angrily boo as we go to commercial......
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Post by Trik Turner on May 5, 2008 15:13:23 GMT -5
*Trik Turner is walking backstage when Sum Guy stops him.*
I'm Sum GUy & bread makes me poop.
Trik: Why the hell do you still have a job?
Sum: Because I can. Now Trik, I understand you have a match with Ghostface this week. Any thoughts of him?
Trik: Of course I have thoughts. I think Ghostface is a phenomal wrestler. Since going out on his own, he has done a great job. Here is a man who takes pride in what he does. How could you not respect that? Hell, he almost eliminated me in the Rumble. Until Spaz stuck his damn nose in there.
Ghostface should get revenge for that. Imagine the respect he would have garnered in the locker room to beat a superstar of my caliber. And then Spaz ruined it all for Ghostface. He came into the ring & eliminated Ghostface. Why Spaz? Because you want to be champion again? You already had your moment, you glory hog. You want to be champion, yet you have no respect for others around you.
And now...now you want to face me at Crap-a-mania in a stipulation of my choice? A gimmic? Why? Because you know you can not beat me. That's why you didn't want to face me in the Rumble.
But you know what Spaz? I accept your challenge for Crap-a-mania. Get your passport ready to go South of the Border. But Spaz...I will not need a stipulation in this match. I will pin you in the center of the ring for the 1-2-3 & you will learn to respect me. You will learn to respect me. You will learn to respect the fans. And you will learn to respect wrestling again.
Now excuse me, but I have work to do.
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Post by invaderdave on May 5, 2008 15:57:39 GMT -5
Dave Davies and Brian Gold are passing through the backstage area, when Hoss Matthews randomly shows up, holding his microphone.
"Hey guys, Hoss Matthews here, and..."
Davies grabs Matthews' microphone, and addresses the camera.
"Y'know...out of everyone thats congratulated me on winning my belt so far, Andy Duke, you're the only one who's really made it feel like the most backhanded compliment one could possibly give. But the fact is, I agree with you; your loss and my win is something that leaves a lot to be desired. So, I'll tell you what; at Crap-a-Mania, we're throwing down. One on one, you and me, we're going to settle this, once and for all. At Crap-a-Mania, my belt, and my pride is on the line. It may have been a split second that divided us as challenger and champion, but I've been waiting my whole career for this kind of recognition. If you're going to step up, be a man, and take what you think is yours, I'm here. I'm right here. And I'll be there at Crap-a-Mania too. Now all thats necessary is for you to be there, Duke. I dare you Duke. I dare you to end my dream. I dare you to be a man and take what I've earned."
Hoss Matthews attempts to tug back his mic, only for Dave to shove him offscreen.
"Even more insulting though, is Coach O'Hare trying to say I've got no right to claim this belt. Y'know, I'm half Irish, and I definitely know when I'm hearing fighting words, and those are fighting words, O'Hare. If you and your green team can lay off the whiskey for about three minutes to send Shane Malone to have me hand his ass to him on a silver platter with a side of fish tacos, then I'm right here for that too."
Dave looks to Brian, who's been chuckling through most of his mention of Team Ireland.
"Hey Bri, you've got a match with Aidan O'Donnelly coming up, don't you?"
Dave hands Brian the microphone. As soon as he's given the stick, Brian begins cackling into it, with a stereotypical Irish accent.
"Oh ho ho hooo, and harsha shar shar, lissen up ye laddy buck, I'll take ye into thae thar ring, and squash ye, and stomp ye, and when I'm through with ye I'll dance a wee Irish jig on yer arse! Ho ho hoooo!"
Brian begins dancing an Irish jig, and hands the mic back to a smiling Dave.
"And finally, Chance Confidence...well, what more needs to be said. You were the last champion, after all, Chance. I really couldn't quite call a title win complete without beating the previous champion, now could I? So Chance, you had a good run, but now its my turn, and when I beat your ass into the ground, it'll just make holding this belt all the sweeter."
Dave tosses the microphone back to Matthews, and he and Brian begin making their way through the backstage area again. Matthews shrugs, and adresses the camera himself.
"Strong words from the champion and his partner. This is Hoss Matthews, and I'm...ehhh..."
Hoss leaves.
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 7, 2008 18:02:19 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously is sitting in his office when Sum Guy walks in.*
Sum, I am sure you are wondering why I called you here.
Sum: Yes...I am. Although, I might add...it is an honor to be requested by you, sir.
Toom: Yes, yes...I can understand that. You see, the thing is...A-Bomb has yet to accept my challenge. He sticks his nose where he does not belong yet when I challenge him for 1 on 1 match....well, he appears to back down. And it's your job to fiund out why.
*Just then, there is a knock on the door.*
Come in! Ogre, so good to see you.
Ogre: Hey Rog!
Toom: Ogre, how many times have I told you...it's not Rog.
Ogre: Sorry Rog.
Toom: Sigh. Anyways, here's your pay for the Royal Pain In the Ass Rumble. I am glad you could help out & get rid of Bad Man in the Rumble. I don't know what we would have done if an illeterate idiot won the belt. Bad enough that nerd Davies won.
Ogre: Nerd? Nerd? NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!!!!!!!
*Ogre grabs Sum & throws him through the wall.*
Toom: Now that's what I am talking about.
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Post by hardcorehensley on May 8, 2008 18:15:06 GMT -5
Shots of the EWT Arena come one after another until JT Money's "Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" hits the loudspeakers.youtube.com/watch?v=NSvStbfSSLIHardcore Hensley wrestles through the curtains, his OX Division championship dangling around his neck. As custom, his head bobs up and down during his course to the ring. He takes the steps instead of just climbing onto the apron this time. Lillian Garcia awaits in the ring to introduce him, but he waves her off. She eyes him for a moment before handing over her microphone. The Champ removes his belt, and slings it over his shoulder then brings the mic up to his pale lips."Now before you people start assuming any s***, lemme go ahead and man up here real quick." He takes a deep breath."Dave Davies, allow me to be the first to formally congratulate you on becoming the EWT Heavyweight champion." He applauds, encouraging the fans to join in."When I realized I was gonna be the last entrant into the Royal Pain in the Ass Rumble, so much s*** ran through my mind. I took it as a blessing. I took it as a statement from God himself, and that statement was...man, go kick some ass! It was as if EWT was handing me their top prize on a silver platter. I sprinted out here, and had both Andy Duke and Dave Davies on the floor in mere minutes! I got up, jumped around a bit, I thought I'd done it. I thought I was, for the first time in my life, The Man. Of course, they reminded me of the rules, and after about a thousand replays, determined my opponent. I gave em a hundred percent. Nothing less. In the end, it just came down to who really wanted more, and all I can say is...he beat me. I got no excuses. I ain't gonna try to tell you he got lucky because what you saw from that man was anything BUT luck! I may have given a hundred percent, but he was out there with a hundred and ten! A hundred and twenty! We both had our minds set, there was no stopping us. His mindset was bigger, that's all I can say. His heart was more into it. He wanted it more! That's what it's all about! WHO WANTS IT MORE?! I give you all the credit in the world, dude. Dave Davies, you are The Man...for now." He takes notice of his belt, admiring it."I ain't gonna come after you just yet though. I got this baby right here that needs a tad little more polishing. Doncha worry though, the moment I'm ready, you'll know..." youtube.com/watch?v=tTaOvzZKRxA“Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin plays over the sound system, as Andy Duke, looking very serious. Instead of high-fiving the crowd and doing his usual routine, he completely no-sells the audience and makes his way to the ring.Jim Ross: Well, it’ll definitely be interesting to see Andy in his first match since the Rumble, where he viciously attacked the new EWT Champion Dave Davies after being eliminated. Jerry “The King” Lawler: Duke is looking for a victory here, to try and build up as much momentum going into his title match at Crap-a-Mania Cinco! JR: But to do that, he’s going to have to get through this man, and that isn’t going to be any easy feat. King: You’re definitely right about that JR. Hensley is no push-over, and if you don’t believe me, look no further than the belt he has around his waist. And that he was the runner up in the Rumble match. JR: And if Hensley can beat Duke tonight, he may be able to start his campaign for an EWT World Title shot. King: I would have to believe that a win would definitely put Hensley into World Title shot contention, if wasn’t already there. Both men are in the ring, as the referee explains the rules of this match. It will be a standard one-on-one match. Pinfall, submission, count-out, and disqualification can win the match. Both men appear to understand these rules, and the ref signals for the bell.King: Here We GO!!! Andy Duke goes immediately for a headlock, but Hensley reverses that by sending Duke into the ropes. Andy leapfrogs Hensley, and attempts a shoulder block on his rebound, but Hensley doesn’t budge. Andy goes for another shoulder block off the ropes, but once again, Hensley doesn’t budge. Duke once again goes for a shoulder block, but rather than absorbing it, Hensley hits Duke with a power slam, throwing him hard into the mat.JR: OH MY! He may be broken in half! King: That was a vicious power slam. He may not be able to continue this match! Hensley begins to stomp Duke. After about the third or forth stomp, Duke rolls out of the way. Hensley walks towards him, but Duke rolls away again, and kips-up, so now both men are face to face!JR: Great display of awareness and athleticism by Andy Duke to not only avoid the stomping, but to get to his feet quickly. Hensley Irish-whips Duke into the ropes, but Duke grabs onto the ropes. Hensley sees this, and charges towards him. Duke pulls down the top rope, and Hensley tumbles down to the floor. In a moment of grace, Hensley is able to land onto his feet, and he panders to the crowd.King: Maybe Hensley should have been an acrobat! JR: If he’s as good of an acrobat as he is a fighter, then maybe he become that when he hangs up boots. Hensley still panders to the crowd, and Duke sees this. He bounces off the ropes, does a handspring, and does a reverse tope over the top rope, landing directly on Hensley. Unfortunately, Duke hit’s the back of his head on the floor, and both men are down and out on the floor. The referee begins to do a double-count.
1 2 3
Hensley begins to stir. He pushes Duke’s limb body off him.
4 5 6
Duke is still out cold. Hensley picks him up and contemplates leaving him outside the ring, as he would get an easy count-out victory.
7 8
He decides he’d rather send him back into the ring, so he can do more damage.
8 9
Hensley rolls Duke into the ring, and follows after him. He hits Duke with a stiff kick to the face.King: OH! JR: That has got to be the end of the match. That might end careers. Hensley goes for the pin. The referee gets into position and begins to count.
1 2
Duke kicks out. Hensley looks frustrated, and thinks about what he wants to do next. He drags Duke's head over to the apron then climbs out onto it. In true Undertaker fashion, he drops his leg across his head, crushing the man's cranium just about.JR: The head is NOT where you wanna be taking hits like that. King: Duke's head's already hit the floor, Hensley's foot, and now his leg! JR: I don't think he's gonna be able to hold out much longer. As Duke cradles himself in the ring, Hensley slides back in. He measures Duke up, and when he turns around, practically decapitates him with a roundhouse kick. Duke falls hard, and is motionless. Hensley drops down, and makes the cover.
1...
2...
3-NO!
Duke's shoulder sprouts up with the ref's hand not even a centimeter off. His fans try to rally him onward, but Hensley has none of that. He puts the boots to him angrily. Shouting louder and louder with every stomp. Eventually, the ref forces him backwards. Reluctantly, Hensley obliges. However, the moment Duke gets up to one knee, he moves back in on him. A shining wizard absolutely destroy the challenger. What may have been a tooth can be seen flying from his mouth in a replay. Again, Hensley hooks the leg.
1...
2...
3...
NO!JR: He kicked out, he kicked out! King: Unbelievable. Hensley pounds the canvas in disbelief. He eyes the ref coldly, but that's all. He shakes it off, and proceeds on with his assault. He yanks Duke up to his feet then hoists him up onto his shoulders. He spreads his arms to show the cross before spinning Duke's near-lifeless body around his head. He brings him all the way around, spiking him with a DDT to top it off. Oohs ricochet out of the crowd as Duke's head does off of the unforgiving mat. Hensley checks him over his shoulder, considering whether or not to try another pin. He decides on one last move, and heads over to the corner.JR: What the hell does he have left? King: Who knows, can you just imagine how Duke's head must be feeling right now? I wonder if he has any brain cells left! Instead of ascending to the top rope, Hensley waits in the corner for Duke to stir. The moment the man is up, and crawling towards the ropes, Hensley charges him. Hurriedly, Duke throws himself up. It's then that Hensley catches him with a brutal superkick. A shot of Duke's head instantly snapping backwards makes several worry that he may have just broken his neck.JR: Hensley may have just broken his damn neck! King: That's it. Game over, man, game over. Hensley stands over Duke for a moment. The challenger isn't budging at all, but Hensley still doesn't try for another cover.JR: For God's sake, finish the damn match already! Hensley snarls, glaring down upon Duke, his face filled with rage. He rips him back up viciously by his hair, and goes face to face with him. He mouths off at him, spit flying onto Duke's face. Finally, he finishes him with the Pizza Cutta. He performs a spiked version this time though, and it appears deadly, sending the fans into an outrage.JR: Dammit! King: Just pin him already! Hensley waits another moment, leading some on that he may not be done yet. Thankfully, he goes down onto his knees, and flips Duke over. He rakes the forearm across the face for good measure, and to just be a bastard.
1...
2...
3...youtube.com/watch?v=NSvStbfSSLI"Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" returns as the ref rushes Hensley's belt back to him. An unusual deep voice comes over the loudspeakers."Your winner, and STILL EWT OX Division champion...HARDCORE HENSLEY!!!" The ref goes to raise Hensley's arm, but he throws him off. He stands over top of Duke, his belt hanging high. His stare can be felt by those at ringside. He shakes his head before calmly walking off. He receives a mixed reaction for his actions, and medics sprint down to Duke as we fade out to a commercial.6.1.08
EWT Crosses the Border
Crap-A-Mania Cinco
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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on May 9, 2008 18:27:26 GMT -5
(We cut to the EWT Arena, where the crowd is buzzing for the next match-up. Not only is the EWT Tri-State Title on the line, but Virus is wrestling in his first official match back since his horrific neck injury at Old School.)Lillian Garcia: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is for the Extreme WrestleCrap Threaderation Tri-State Title! PA System: PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED! ("Revenga" by System of a Down hits as Virus makes his way out from under the CrapTron, looking very much the same as he ever did... shades, red trenchcoat and all. He looks around to the fans, chanting "WELCOME BACK!" as he lets out a roar and slaps the entrance ramp, setting off a blast of pyro. He then travels around the barricade, handslapping with fans in the front row before climbing into the ring and removing his trenchcoat, stretching out while he waits for his opponent.)JR: And an interesting match here, King, as we're about to see two men who have never faced off in one-on-one competition, yet they've had their share of encounters in the past!King: Right, JR! Almost two and a half years ago, these two men were teamed together by order of Toom E. Dangerously to take on their rivals, Chad Michaels and Mr. Big in a Scaffold Tables match at EWT Rebirth! In the weeks leading up to the PPV, Virus and current EWT Tri-State Champion Marcus Trunk had a few heated confrontations, but never an official match. Now we'll get to see what these two are truly capable of!
JR: And in Virus's case, we'll see just how much that neck injury has affected him!("For Those Who Fight Further" hits, heralding the arrival of the EWT Tri-State Champion, who steps out from under the CrapTron to loud chanting and approval from the fans, who haven't quieted down a bit.)Lillian Garcia: And his opponent, weighing in at 307 pounds and hailing from Detroit, Michigan... he is the CURRENT, REIGNING, and DEFENDING Extreme WrestleCrap Threaderation Tri-State Champion... MARCUS... TRUNK! (Trunk takes a few moments to appeal to the crowd as well before making his way to the ring, where he enters into a staredown with Virus, holding the Tri-State title up high for a moment before giving it to Referee Lee. After a few more moments of intense silence in the ring and dueling chants in the audience, the referee calls for the bell!)DING DING DING!Neither man waits one second longer, and both lash out with punch after punch after punch. This goes on for a solid minute before, finally, Marcus Trunk goes on the offensive and stays there after blocking a wild haymaker from Virus. Trunk lays in a few more blows for good measure, then bounces off the ropes for a shoulderblock, slamming Virus down to the mat. Virus scrambles back up to his feet, only to eat another shoulderblock from the Tri-State champion. Another shoulderblock, and finally Virus manages to dodge at the last second, springing into a leaping LARIAT as Trunk rebounds off the opposite side of the ropes! Both men are down for only a moment before they both hasten to get back to their vertical base, and the staredown begins again, with the crowd again in a state of dueling "LET'S GO TRUNK" and "LET'S GO VIRUS" chants. JR: Good lord, these two are going to leave it all out here in the ring today King!This time around, the two launch into a collar-and-elbow tie-up and jockey for position. Both men gain the advantage for a few moments, but neither seems to get too much in the way of an advantage until Trunk backs Virus into the corner, causing Referee Lee to break the hold. Trunk steps away cleanly, and Virus steps away from the corner, stares at Trunk for a moment, then goes for a boot to the stomach, which Trunk catches and uses to TAKE VIRUS DOWN TO THE MAT WITH MOUNTED PUNCHES! Virus can't defend himself as Trunk rains down haymaker after haymaker onto Virus's face, and Referee Lee steps in once again to break the hold and check Virus! Lee: You sure you can do this, mate? Virus: Yeah. King: I don't know, JR, I think Virus has a little too much ring rust to be back fighting for the Tri-State Title just yet! Marcus Trunk has his number here in the early goings!Virus returns to his feet as Trunk waits patiently. Again, they stare down, and again, Virus and Trunk go into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. This time, however, Virus takes the advantage with a swift knee to the stomach. Virus then whips Trunk across the ring, catching Trunk on the rebound with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK! Trunk slams down to the mat, and Virus is right back on him, locking up again. Virus roars to the crowd and then attempts to lift Trunk up into the STALLING BRAINBUSTER, but Trunk blocks! JR: I think it might be a little too soon to be going for the home run shot here, but Virus is going to try nonetheless!Virus tries to lift Trunk up again, but to no avail. Virus lays a few boots into Trunk to try and soften the champ up for another attempt, and again attempts to lift the Detroit native up... NO! Trunk blocks AGAIN, and this time he manages to lift Virus into a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX for the pin! 1!...
2!...
KICKOUT! Virus kicks out at two and three-quarters, and half the crowd lets out a sigh of relief for a split second before Trunk regains the offensive. He picks Virus back up to his feet and takes a few shots at Virus before running off the ropes with a RUNNING KNEE LIFT... NO! Virus explodes out of NOWHERE with the spear! Virus follows Trunk down to the mat and starts in with some mounted haymakers of his own, and this time Virus doesn't break cleanly as Trunk did... the referee's count gets to four before Virus finally decides to get up, and as he does we see that Trunk has been busted wide open! JR: Good lord! Marcus Trunk is wearing the proverbial crimson mask after those shots from Virus!
King: And Trunk isn't too happy about it, JR! Look out!Trunk is indeed less than pleased with this turn of events, as he slowly staggers back up to his feet and feels the wound on his forehead before giving Virus a lethal glare. Virus is cowed by this, but not cowed into submission, as after a moment's hesitation he bounces off the ropes for a BIG BOOT... but Trunk closes the gap with a hellacious SPEAR of his own, and now TRUNK is the one on top, raining down even MORE punches on Virus with even MORE force than he used earlier! Again, Referee Lee comes in to intervene, and again the count gets to four, and again, as Trunk backs away, Virus has been busted wide open! King: And Trunk returns the favor... both men are busted wide open!
JR: What a back-and-forth BRAWL this has turned out to be!Virus is the one returning to his feet now, dazed and confused, as he feels the wound on his forehead. He looks at the blood on his fingertips, looks at Trunk, and mouths "Fair enough..." before he signals for the test of strength. Trunk accepts, and the two men lock hands in the center of the ring, staring holes through each other as neither man seems to give an inch to the other. JR: And time for the good, old-fashioned test of strength!After 30 seconds, nothing has happened, neither man has budged, but as we reach the minute mark the Tri-State champion seems to gain a renewed vigor, and begins bending Virus backwards, slowly and surely. Virus tries to struggle out, but can't, and finally his head touches the mat as the crowd roars its approval of the match so far. Virus tries once more to reverse the momentum, but can't, and Trunk takes the opportunity, letting go of the far arm so he can hit an impromptu LEGDROP! Virus rolls away from Trunk to avoid further punishment, and Trunk gets up to his feet, roars to the crowd, then starts shouting at Virus to get up! Virus stumbles to his feet, and for a moment seems to be unaware of his surroundings, but charges in at Trunk anyway... ONLY TO BE SLAMMED TO THE MAT! TRUNK BUSTER! TRUNK BUSTER! TRUNK BUSTER! Virus slams down to the mat sickeningly on his head and neck, and Trunk wastes no time going for the cover! 1! ...
2! ...
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3... NO!!! The crowd lets out a gasp of shock as Virus barely manages to get a shoulder off the mat before the count of three! Trunk slaps the mat in frustration as Virus weakly rolls to the corner for assistance in returning to his feet. Referee Lee goes over to check on Virus as Trunk fumes at the other side of the ring, waiting once again for Virus to get up. Virus finally does, stepping in front of the referee so that he is between Virus and the corner -- a tight fit, to be sure, made even tighter when Trunk comes roaring in with a HUGE splash! Virus slams backwards into Referee Lee, crunching the poor sap into the turnbuckle, and as Trunk backs away and allows Virus to stumble out of the corner, he looks at Referee Lee, clearly unaware the Aussie ref was even behind Virus. Trunk shakes Lee a few times, to no avail, then turns around into a BOOT TO THE STOMACH! Virus wastes no time and uses the element of surprise to his advantage to snap off a picture-perfect INFECTION! The crowd counts along... 1!... 2!... 3!
JR: And if Referee Lee were up, we'd have a new Tri-State champion! Unfortunately for Virus, however, I don't think the referee will be stirring any time soon! Good LORD what a match!Virus gets up and goes to check on the referee, but doesn't get too far, as a chorus of boos turns his attention to the entrance ramp, where Joe One is rushing down the aisle, Ingsoc flag in hand! One slides into the ring, and Virus goes for a clothesline, misses, and turns right into a home-run swing of a shot with the Ingsoc flag from the leader of Minipax! Virus falls to the mat like a sack of bricks as One screams at him about betraying the Ministry of Peace. The crowd immediately turns on One, tossing boos (and booze, for that matter) at him. One lays in a few more chair shots on his opponent at Crap-a-Mania Cinco before throwing up the V symbol with his arms and turning to leave... ... but One turns directly into an incensed Marcus Trunk! The crowd roars its appreciation as One attempts to beg off, but Trunk is hearing none of it, and fells one with a HUGE headbutt! One scrambles to his knees and hits a LOW BLOW, before nailing yet another home-run swing with the Ingsoc flag on Trunk's head! Trunk crumples to the mat, and amidst even heavier boos, One drags Marcus Trunk onto Virus and awakens the referee before retreating up the ramp! Lee stirs, and slowly makes the count... 1! ...
JR: NO! NO! NOT THIS WAY!
2!
JR: JOE ONE HAS JUST RUINED A HELL OF A SLUGFEST BETWEEN VIRUS AND MARCUS TRUNK! DAMN THAT MINIPAX!
3... NOOOOOO! Virus kicks out with just enough power to get Trunk's limp form off of him, and both men are apparently out cold. Referee Lee begins a ten-count... 1!... 2!... JR: Bah Gawd almighty, these two gave it their all tonight! It's a damn shame that Joe One had to come in and ruin it for everybody!
King: Oh, come on, JR, it was obvious Trunk was in control before that splash! Virus just took advantage of the fact that Trunk checked on the referee to get a quick Infection in! Otherwise Virus would've lost!5!... 6!... JR: I highly doubt that, King, these two were trading blows all night, and now... hold on a minute! Both men are stirring! BOTH MEN ARE GETTING UP! BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY, BOTH MEN ARE GETTING UP! THIS MATCH WILL CONTINUE!
King: No WAY!Both men return to their feet, stopping the count at eight! Trunk and Virus lock eyes for a moment, then Virus explodes forwards into a dead sprint, trying to take Trunk's head off with a flying LARIAT--NO! TRUNK REVERSES! TRUNK GRABS VIRUS FOR ANOTHER TRUNK BUSTER! Virus spins around Trunk once, but manages to hold on without getting slammed to the mat! Virus manages to get Trunk into a front chancery with a few kicks to the gut, and spares a moment for a cut-throat motion before lifting Trunk into THE STALLING BRAINBUSTER for the third time in the matchup! JR: Bah Gawd Almighty, King! If Virus hits this again, it's going to be over! We'll have a new Tri-State champion!
King: NO WAY! AHHH!Flash bulbs fill the arena as Virus holds Trunk up for a few seconds, then suddenly brings him down into the SITDOWN POWERBOMB! INFECTION! INFECTION! INFECTION! Virus hooks the leg for the pin! 1!
... 2!
... 3!
DING DING DING!
JR: BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY HE'S DONE IT! AFTER A HELLACIOUS MATCH-UP WITH MARCUS TRUNK, VIRUS HAS COME BACK FROM 8 LONG MONTHS OF REHABILITATION AND HAS CAPTURED HIS FIRST PIECE OF EWT CHAMPIONSHIP GOLD!
King: Yeah, JR, but you gotta hand it to Marcus Trunk, he fought his ass off tonight, but he just came up a little bit short.
JR: There were no losers here tonight, King! I'd pay to see these two go at it again in a heartbeat!(Virus has disentangled himself from Marcus Trunk, seemingly in shock as the crowd chants "E-DUB-T!" and "THAT WAS AWESOME!". It doesn't seem to sink in that he has won until the referee hands him the Tri-State Title, at which point Virus stares at the title belt incredulously, dropping to his knees and clutching it to his chest as "Revenga" blares in the background. Trunk staggers to his feet, and a hush falls over the crowd as Trunk stands directly in front of Virus, who looks up from his newly-won belt. Trunk stares at him for a few tense moments before offering a hand, which Virus takes as he returns to his feet. The crowd bursts into cheers again as the two shake hands, then embrace before Marcus Trunk raises Virus's hand in victory and rolls out of the ring.)JR: Virus may not realize it, but he might owe his title reign to Minipax, as Marcus Trunk made the save when Joe One and the Ministry of Peace tried to get in a few cheap shots on Virus while the referee was down. Nevertheless, these two have just put on a display of some brutal brawling, and these two men left it all out here in the arena tonight.
King: That's all well and good, JR, but what about Crap-a-Mania Cinco, when Trunk was scheduled to defend his Tri-State Title in a Fatal-Four Way Elimination Match? Will Virus wrestle twice when EWT crosses the border?
JR: I guess we'll find out later!(Virus poses on the top turnbuckle, holding the Tri-State title high as we fade to commercial.)
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on May 9, 2008 18:30:38 GMT -5
Andy Duke is standing in front of the EWT logo, ready to give a promo.
Duke: A year ago this time, I was still coming off the high of winning my first title at Crap-a-Mania IV. In just less than a month, I have an even greater opprotunity. But already I have some doubters. I have skeptics. There are those saying "He lost already? How will he ever win at Mania?". I'm not one to make excuses, but the fact of the matter is this. Hardcore Hensley, you caught me with my pants down. All I have on my brain right now is June 1st in Mexico! I do not care about any other matches, and I certainly do not care about any other titles! For all I care, I would lose 1000 matches, as long as it meant I was ready for Crap-a-Mania Cinco! So you can wear my name on your sleave like some type of achievement, but don't get used to it. When my business is done, and I come back to America as the world champion, I will get my win back. It was only a fluke, and after Mania, I'll be more than happy to prove that!
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Post by The Caribbean Crew on May 9, 2008 19:22:55 GMT -5
*We open on a beautiful beach somewhere in the Caribbean. The sky is a deep blue, like it was painted. The sand is as white as sugar. The overwhelming sent of limes and coconuts are everywhere, assaulting, almost raping, people’s sense of smell. The palm tree leafs rustle in the cool breeze, which beautifully blends with the warm air to create a perfect atmosphere. Then, that perfect atmosphere is soon destroyed by the yelling of a man yelling at his wife.* Man: What the hell is wrong with you!? Woman: I’m sorry. Man: You’re sorry! Sorry doesn’t get all this ****ing sand out of my laptop! Woman: I’m sorry—it was an accident! Man: No, you’re an accident! No wonder your parents love me so much—I took such a stupid bitch off their hands!? God, why are you so stupid!? I can’t believe I married such a stupid bitch! Look at you! Don't nobody want you but me. Hell, I barely want you! You know I’m this close *holds thumb and index finger less than a millimeter apart* to leaving your stupid ass! But, I stick with you because you ain't crap without me! You without me equal crap! You couldn’t survive without me! All day long, you’d be droppin’ laptops into sand and other stupid crap like that! Do you understand that you stupid, ugly fat bitch!? Jamaican man: Hey mon! What’s all de trouble here? *Suddenly a Jamaican man walks over to the arguing couple. He is muscular and ripped, with his hair in short dreadlocks, brown eyes, and a goatee. He’s wearing a red short sleeve button-up shirt, cargo pants, and sandals.* Man: Hey! Stay outta this, Paco! Jamaican man: De name’s not Paco. It’s Benjamin Bannock. I’m not even Latino. I’m Jamaican, mon. Man: I don’t give a crap! I’m talking to my wife! Woman: Honey, let’s just go. Man: Shut-up, bitch! Benjamin: Now, I know talkin’, mon, and dat ain’t no talkin’, mon. Dat’s yellin’, and I don’t like men yellin’ at deir wives like dat. Woman: I’ll fix your laptop, I swear. Let’s just leave. Man: *to his wife* SHUT-UP! *to Benjamin* Did you not hear me? Or, has the ganja affected the brain cells that control your hearing? I’ll speak louder and slower—I…Don’t…Give…A…crap! Why do you even care!? This does not concern you! Benjamin: I know, but I got a bit of a heroic streak in me, mon. I can’t help it. I see someone in danger or in need of help, and I just got ta help dem. Man: Well, no one is in danger here. No one needs your help. All that’s goin’ on is me talking to my stupid bitch of a wife. Woman: C’mon, let’s just go. Man: Shut the hell up, or I will shut you up! Benjamin: Now, dat’s no way ta talk da lady. She’s your woman. You gotta treat her wit respect and kindness, not like she’s some animal. Man: Don’t you tell me how to treat my wife! She’s my wife, and I’ll talk to her any goddamn I want to! Woman: Let’s just leave! Man: *raises his arm* I told you to shut the **** up! *He tries to slap his wife, but Benjamin grabs him by the arm and twists it, nearly breaking it. Then, he kicks the man in the stomach and the mouth. Benjamin pushes the man down onto the sand. The man screams and jumps up. Suddenly, Benjamin hits him with a 540 kick to the head. The man falls to the ground like a coconut from a tree.* Woman: OH MY GOD! Benjamin: I’m sorry, ma’am. But, guys like dat piss me off. Sometime I can’t control my anger. Woman: Actually, it’s okay. I hate that asshole. *Suddenly, she picks of the laptop and throws it down onto the man’s crotch. He yells in pain, but the wife silences him with a hard kick to the head.* Woman: I’m leaving you, you ****ing prick! *The woman walks off. Benjamin crouches down over the man.* Benjamin: Ain’t dat a shame, but ya brought da yaself, mon! *Benjamin stands up and walks away.*
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Post by Gigantor Maximus on May 11, 2008 16:51:52 GMT -5
* "China White" begins playing & the Toomitron goes black as white letters followed by black & white images flash across it. The lights in the arena drop, focussing at the top of the entrance ramp. Dry Ice is pumped out & a silhouette is seen against the smoke. Gigantor Maximus emerges from the fog. He has a chain wrapped around his neck, he holds one end of the chain in each hand. He stomps down the ramp, shaking his arms & rattling his chain as much as he can. Gigantor stomps on down the ramp; roaring as he goes.* Toni "TG" Garcya: The following is a hardcore match scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit, introducing first standing 7' 11" tall & weighing in at an astonishing 578lbs, he is the largest competitor in EWT, from the Land of the Giants... This is GIGANTOOOOOOOR MAAAAX~I~MUUUUUUUUUS!!! *The crowd chuckle as Gigantor stomps all the way down the ramp, shaking his chain & trying his best to look imposing. Gigantor has to use the ring ropes like a ladder to get into the ring. He continues to stomp his way around the ring, beating his chest & rattling his chain. He removes the chain & places it at on one of the ring-posts. Gigantor stands in the ring pacing back & forth awaiting the individual who has caused him problems over the past few weeks. Black Sabbath's "After All (The Dead)" begins playing & Gigantor ceases pacing. he stands still in the centre of the ring looking upwards at the entrance ramp.* "T.G.": And his opponent, from Charlottesville, Virginia, weighing in at 232lbs... POE MOE FOE!!!! *The lights are fixed at the top of the ramp, but there is no figure emerging from behind the curtain. Gigantor stomps his feet impatiently.Until he is clocked from behind by a Baseball Bat. Gigantor slumps to the ground while Poe Moe Foe stands over him. Poe aims another shot at Gigantor, but much to his surprise, Gigantor catches the bat before it strikes & wrestles it from the grasp of Poe. Gigantor rises to his feet & tosses the bat aside thinking that he will have no need of it. Gigantor lets out a guttural roar & raises his arms over his head. Poe glares at him quizzically & hits a hard clothesline to Gigantor's jaw. The world's shortest giant is knocked to the ground. He stands again & beats his chest. At this Poe Moe Foe tosses Gigantor Maximus over the top rope & out on to the floor.* *Gigantor gets up again only to have Poe Moe Foe land right on top of him. Poe whips Gigantor into the security railing & performs a modified Cactus Clothesline over the railing & into the crowd. The two men fight along the front row as Poe pounds on Gigantor with a series of rights. With Gigantor a little dazed, Poe reaches into his pockets & slips on a set of brass knuckles. Poe throws all his strength behind each punch & has Gigantor bloodied in a matter of seconds. Poe continues punching at Gigantor right past the front row & on to the side of the stage. Gigantor does his best to escape the punishment & tries running backstage, but Poe isn't far behind. As Gigantor heads behind the curtain, Poe moves to follow. The cameras head backstage with him & Gigantor is seen spraying Foe with a fire extinguisher. As Foe fumbles about momentarily blinded, Gigantor wallops him with the fire extinguisher. Gigantor's blow has caused Poe's head to split open. Foe reaches a hand to his forehead & notices the blood, a sick smile crosses his face.He pulls a rusty fork out of his pocket & lunges at Gigantor. Poe jabs at Gigantor's head with the fork. Gigantor manages to hold the weapon off as it stops mere millimetres from his left eye. Gigantor gives his best shot & kicks Poe squaw in da nuts. Poe drops the fork & rolls off Gigantor clutching his groin. Gigantor beats his chest & lets out a guttural roar.* *Gigantor takes a brief moment to catch his breath & goes looking for a weapon of some sort. He finds a trash-can. Gigantor emptys the rubbish out of it & comes running back at Poe Moe Foe. But Poe manages to dodge the attack & gives Gigantor a Drop Toe-Hold, driving his face right into the bin. Poe then Curb Stomps Gigantor's head into the crumpled metal. Poe drags Gigantor back out to the entrance-way & body-slams him on top of the stage. Gigantor can be heard groaning in pain. Poe reaches into another of his pockets & pulls out a staple gun. Poe produces a dollar bill from another pocket & punches Gigantor using the staple gun as a if it were a set of brass knuckles. With Gigantor knocked down, Poe staples the dollar bill to Gigantor's forehead. With the vast amounts of claret squirting from Gigantor's head it isn't long before the dollar is also turned a deep shade of crimson. Gigantor is bucking wildly on the stage. Poe places a foot on Gigantor's chest & produces another dollar bill.In a sickening sight, Poe uses his fingers to hold open Gigantor's mouth as he staples the dollar to Gigantor's tongue!* *The crowd react with a gasp of shock as Gigantor screams in agony! Gigantor bucks about wildly on stage & puts his hands up to his mouth. Poe Moe Foe just laughs. Poe drags Gigantor back standing again & drags the supposed giant back to the edge of the stage. Poe places Gigantor's head between his legs & jumps off the stage with a Piledriver through a table. The referee who had been tailing them runs off the stage & down the ramp to get into a position to count. When he gets down to where the two men landed, he sees that Gigantor actually landed on top of Foe! The ref counts...* 1... 2... KICKOUT! *Poe narrowly escapes the accidental cover by Gigantor. Poe whips Gigantor into the wall at the side of the stage & drags him back to the ring again. Poe whips Gigantor into the ring steps. He removes the upper part of the steps & sets them on the ground. He slams Gigantor's face into the top step & takes a position on the lower one. Poe grabs the groggy Gigantor & Pedigrees him right on the steps! Gigantor is out cold & possibly concussed.Poe takes a glance in the ring & sees something that he had over-looked before, Gigantor Maximus' chain. Poe rolls Gigantor into the ring & picks up the chain. Poe ties Gigantor up in the ropes & wraps the chain around his own forearm. Poe takes a shot at Gigantor with the chain, Gigantor's head lolls to the side as blood drips from his mouth.It looks as though a few of his teeth have been knocked out. Poe nails Gigantor with another chain-powered punch. Gigantor's cheek can be seen swelling up & his left eye looks to be swollen shut already. The mat underneath him is covered in blood. The audience watches uneasily as Poe keeps blasting Gigantor with these chain-reinforced punches. Poe's shirt & jacket are spattered with Gigantor's blood. Poe unties the ropes from Gigantor's arms & the audience collectively breathes a sigh of relief as Gigantor slumps to the mat, a puddle of blood pooling around his head. However, this is not an act of mercy on Poe Moe Foe's part. He takes the chain off his forearm & ties it around Gigantor's neck. Poe rubs his hand on the bloody face of Gigantor & smears the blood across his own face with a sickening grin. Poe then forces Gigantor out to the ring apron & kicks him to the mat. Poe drapes the chain over the top rope & pulls back with all his strength! More & more blood pours from Gigantor's head. Many members of the audience are turning their faces away from this spectacle, unable to watch it. The referee orders Poe to let go of Gigantor. Poe yells right back at the ref to go & check on Maximus. The ref goes to the ring apron & takes a look at the unconscious Gigantor. The referee lifts Gigantor's arm.* It drops once... Twice... THREE TIMES!!! *The referee calls for the bell.* DING-DING-DING! "T.G." Here is your winner... POE... MOE... FOE!!! *"After All (The Dead)" starts playing again, but Poe will not release Gigantor Maximus from his make-shift noose! Poe continues to yank back on the chain!* DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING! *The bell is rung over & over. Poe still keeps his grip on Gigantor. A swarm of officials & agents hit the ring & try to get Poe to release Gigantor. A number of them grab each of his arms & force him to let go of the chain. Other agents & medical personnel are waiting outside the ring to catch Gigantor. They catch the limp body of the "Largest Man in EWT" & set him onto a stretcher, bandaging his head & checking his breathing as they move off. The referees & agents are still holding Foe back in the ring as Foe simply laughs over what he has done. As the EMTs head up the ramp with Gigantor on the stretcher they are interrupted by the arrival of Hardcore Hensley.* *Hensley glares down to the ring from the top of the ramp. He watches the half-dead Gigantor Maximus roll past him. Hensley knocks over Gigantor's stretcher as the audience gasp. He races down towards the ring & grabs the top rope. He springboards into the middle of the group of officials & agents, landing directly on Poe Moe Foe! Hensley pounds & pounds at the face of the grounded Poe. Officials begin dragging Hensley off of Poe. Poe continues to goad Hensley. Hensley fights his way through the agents & officials & pounces at Poe again. Poe aims a fist at the oncoming Hensley & decks him right in the face. Hensley reels back & Poe Moe Foe is ready to attack again, but the agents & officials step between the two men again. One group finally manages to get Hensley out of the ring. The crowd are chanting...* "LET THEM FIGHT! LET THEM FIGHT!" *Both men are clearly ready to go, but in order to prevent another massacre like that which befell Gigantor, the officials continue to keep these two individuals seperate.*
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Post by hardcorehensley on May 12, 2008 15:58:57 GMT -5
youtube.com/watch?v=NSvStbfSSLIJim Ross: Say what you shall, folks, but ever since Hardcore Hensley captured the EWT OX Division Championship, he has not missed a beat. Jerry Lawler: You can say that again, JR, this man has already collected victories over the likes of the Bad Man and Andy Duke, and he's only been the champ for just over a month! JR: If you'll recall, he also came close to gaining the EWT Heavyweight Championship! King: He practically defeated the reigning champ, Dave Davies! JR: So true, yet he doesn't appeared to be precisely focused upon EWT's top prize. King: You heard what he said, whenever he's ready, that belt will be firmly across his waste... JR: or slung throughout his neck... "Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" starts up, and EWT's resident OX Division Champion makes his presence felt. Hardcore Hensley heads for the ring, doused in his usual attire, his belt dangling around his neck. He slides into the ring, and proceeds to visit every turnbuckle, throwing up his 'cross' at each one. The crowd responds to him with mixed results. Finally, an official near the timekeeper's table, tosses him a microphone."Well well, if anybody in here thought that my beef with Poe Moe Foe was finished, they sure gotta treat last week. This dude came out here, and straight bullied his opponent. He killed him! Now, all that sounds pretty impressive, don't you think. That is, until you hear the identity of his opponent, which was...Gigantor Maximus. Yeah, that's right. Just watching that fight made me sick. Blah, check it out for yourself..." He turns his attention, along with everybody else's, to the ToomiTron. A video plays basically recapping the aforementioned match. All the main spots are shown in their entirety with Foe choking out Maximus closing it out."Like I said, not some pretty stuff. However, that's not even a quarter of the amount of hurt that I plan on applying to you Foe. Whenever management actually wises up, and gives me, you, and the fans what we want! I-" "Excuse me!" JR: What in the hell? King: Who's that? Out of nowhere, a man in a dark suit interrupts him from the entrance stage."I apologize if what you all want is to see the next World War inside an EWT ring. I mean, after what was done during the hardcore match last week, it's only a pyromaniac's wet dream of what you two could be capable of!" "Who the hell are you?" "I'm an EWT Management Representative, and I damn sure won't be the last to tell you that we, here at EWT, honestly care about our employees. You see, if we wanted you both to just go ahead, and kill each other then we would've just setup an old fashion cock fight! Have these people pay money to see what they supposedly want, and whoever wins gets it all. The loser, well, he won't have to worry about having no dough." "Aha, so that's your excuse then." "Excuse, is it your wish to die?" "No, it's my demand that you gimme Poe Moe Foe, one on one, IN THIS RING!" The crowd pops big, drowning out the representative before he can reply.JR: Can he not hear these rabid fans! He knows what they want, just give it to em! King: He's gotta point though, JR. You gotta keep in mind the safety of the workers. "Sigh, well then it is my justification that I put you down. There will not be a Hensley/Foe." He disappears behind the curtains as the boos rain in, and Hensley mouths off to the back of his head. Suddenly, Foe climbs into the ring from behind him. He heeds his footsteps, but only with enough time to shift about. Foe tackles "The Hardcore One" to the mat, yanking his legs out from underneath him. He mounts him then immediately opens up with stiff big right hands. The champ takes a mouthful, but manages to flip him over. He springs up to his feet, and begins unloading stiff kicks. Foe covers up, but his arms don't make for much of a defense. The representative returns on the stage, followed by countless security men. He orders them to the ring, and they file out. Hensley and Foe lockup, and undertake trading rights. The men in black enter, and desperately try to separate the duo. More than a couple dozen men are required as the two genuinely attempt to fend off the men, just so they can get their hands on themselves! Eventually, Foe is forced out of the ring, and taken up the ramp. Meanwhile, Hensley ascends to the top rope, he flashes his belt high. A cut from Foe's shots is seen on his face. The blood trickles down onto the canvas. He ignores it though, roaring at the top of his lungs then performing his 'cross' sign again as we fade out.
6.1.08
EWT Crosses the Border with...
Crap-A-Mania Cinco
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