Tiffany
Mike the Goon
Don't ask me. I'm just a girl... aheheh, aheheh...
Posts: 39
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Post by Tiffany on May 23, 2008 14:44:49 GMT -5
"It's Tiffany, Bitch!"Toni "TG" Garcya: The following contest is scheduled for one fall & it is for the EWT Girl Next Door Championship, introducing first, the challenger, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 118lbs... TIFFANY!!! *Tiffany bounds out on to the ramp clad in tight wee shorts & a white tankini. She seems pretty confident about her chances in this match. She doesn't slow down too much on her way to the ring & stumbles just as she reaches the end of the ramp.* "T.G.": And her opponent... *The lights flare down, pitching the arena into darkness. Two spiral-shaped beams of violet appear on either side of the ramp’s opening. They spin faster, and begin to merge together until the color lightens, and merges together as a spotlight. A guitar riff, dark and haunting splits into the arena…A stream of purple fireworks, and then…* And she's a killer She's a keeper
Am I blurry In your vision? Was I just A poor decision? (By now the audience is filled with mad cheers.) Cut me open With precision And we'll finger The incision Tell me, what have I done? Quid pro quo
To watch you lose..CONTROL!"T.G.": From Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing in at 143lbs, she is the EWT Girl Next Door Champion... SYN~THY ERRRR~IIIISSSS!!! *As the guitar riff slides out, and the woman’s voice becomes mesmerizing, Synthy Eris steps out. She points to the GND belt around her waist as she sashays to the ring. Her black leather vest gleams as the lights slowly begin to ascend back to normality. She reaches the ropes, flips over them, and stands ring center as she strikes a pose that shows off her muscular arms. She laughs lightly to herself as she flashes a pair of devil horns, and takes off the belt. She holds it above her head before handing it to the referee.* DING-DING! *Determined to show how competent a professional she has become Tiffany offers her hands up to go for a test of strength. Synthy cocks an eyebrow, but obliges anyway & quickly forces Tiffany to her knees. Synthy releases Tiff who is visibly in pain. Tiffany nurses her wrists & Synthy leans back against the ropes. Tiffany takes a run at Synthy, Synthy charges right back at Tiff & floors her with a clothesline. Synthy rolls into a lackadaisical cover...* 1... 2... 3!!! DING-DING-DING! *"Ghostflowers" begins playing again, Synthy blows the hair back out of her eyes & graciously accepts her belt back from the referee. Tiffany sits up in the ring a little dazed & wondering what exactly happened. It doesn't exactly bode well for her at Crap-A-Mania Cinco.*
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on May 24, 2008 0:02:49 GMT -5
Cut to the back, where we see EWT Reporter Sum Guy standing with two men who haven't been seen in a while, Chad Michaels and Mike Corral.
Sum: Hello, I'm Sum Guy, and-
Mike: Sum, before you start, stop.
Sum: Okay. So, guys, where exactly were you these past couple of months?
Mike: Well, we heard that EWT was doing a "Save the Animals" kind of thing in Africa, so me and Chad signed up. We just got back a while ago.
Sum: Well, that explains it. So what are your plans for now?
Chad: Not really sure Sum. Right now, it feels good just to be home.
Mike: Amen to that.
Sum: Well, thanks for the interview guys. Until next time, I'm Sum Guy, and where the hell is Candy Girl?
Fade to a promo hyping Crap-A-Mania Cinco
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The White Boys
Mike the Goon
Rammer Jammer, Yellowhammer, give 'em hell, Alabama!
Posts: 7
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Post by The White Boys on May 24, 2008 18:53:54 GMT -5
*We open up on a video store. A woman walks up to the counter and hands his video selection to the two clerks standing behind the counter.* Clerk #1: Did y’all find everything okay? Woman: Um…yes, *looks at name tag* Jason. Jason: Well, I’m glad to hear that. *looks at the video she selected* What is this? Woman: “Deliverance.” Jason: “Deliverance!” Did ya hear that Justin? Justin: Yeah, I heard. Jason: How could you pick such a movie? Woman: What? It’s a good movie. Jason: No, it is a terrible movie. Woman: How can you say that? It’s a classic. Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox go on a canoe trip, only to be terrorized by a bunch of hillbillies. It’s a great suspense thriller. Jason: While your description of the plot is accurate, callin’ it a “classic” is far from the truth. Like I said, it is a horrible movie that preaches hate and prejudice. Woman: Hate and prejudice!? Where the hell do you get that? Jason: Ain’t it obvious? Justin: I think it’s obvious! Jason: Justin thinks it’s obvious! Woman: Well, good for Justin. Jason: I can tell by your sarcasm that you are obviously patronizin’ us. Nevertheless, I will enlighten you to the prejudicial overtones of “Deliverance.” Woman: Go ahead, o wise video-store clerk, enlighten me. Jason: Your sarcasm bounces off of me like I’m rubber. Justin: No, like Plastic Man! Jason: What!? Justin: Say Plastic Man! It’s a better analogy. Jason: I don’t care—I’m trying to enlighten this woman. Justin: Come on, bro! Just say it! Jason: No! Justin: Say it! Jason: No! Justin: SAY IT! Jason: FINE! Your sarcasm bounces off of me like I’m Plastic Man. There! Are ya happy!? Woman: Will you get on with it!? I got things to do! Jason: Sorry. Anyway, you see the villains of “Deliverance” are hill folks. They are portrayed as vicious, evil men who are fearful of outsiders and like to sodomize people. Ever since then, the wooded areas of the South have been seen as dangerous places where backwards hillbillies with torture and sodomize people! Justin: It also gave us “Wrong Turn,” which sucked balls! Jason: Exactly! It has inspired other movies that have portrayed Southern rural people as monsters, like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Woman: Wasn’t on an actual person? Jason: Yes, Leatherface was based on Ed Gein, who is from Wisconsin. He is not from the South, but that little fact has no doubtedly led people to believe there was an actual family in Texas that killed and ate, once again keepin’ people thinkin’ that country folk are killers. Woman: Oh come on! Those are just movies! People can tell the difference! Jason: Oh please! Sure, there are some smawt intelligent people who can tell the difference and wouldn’t subject country folk with those negative stereotypes. But, most people are dumb and uninformed, believing those stereotypes. And, the entertainment industry plays on those stupid fears and continues the stereotype, which leads to people from other parts of the country not taking Southern folks, thinkin’ we’re all just a bunch of dumb hicks who will sodomize you! So, the Southern in New York or California can’t get a good job because of this. And, the worst pawt of all is that there are Southerners from the cities who actually believe these stereotypes as well. It is turning Southerner against Southerner and keepin’ those rural folk who have manage to get out from goin’ higher in the world and forced to go back to their hick towns defeated and forced to live out the rest of their lives wasting away in the hick towns. It is a travesty! Justin: It breaks my heart just to think of such a thing. *A tear rolls down his cheek.* Woman: Well, I never thought of it like that. Jason: So, I take it ya won’t be rentin’ “Deliverance.” Woman: No, I still want it. Jason: Dammit! Okay, how about this? I’ll give ya twenty dollars to not rent “Deliverance” and just go away. Woman: What? Jason: Okay, thirty dollars. Woman: Are you actually offering me money to not rent a movie!? Justin: Bro, she’s playin’ dumb to get more money. Don’t fall for it. Jason: Why? I’m just gonna give her money from register. Justin: Oh. In that case, fifty dollars. Woman: I don’t know. Jason: A hundred dollars and that’s my final offer. Woman: Deal! *Jason pushes a button and the register drawer opens. He pulls out a hundred dollar bill and hands it to the woman. She takes it and walks away, quickly exiting the store. Jason and Justin watch her get into her car and leave. As soon as she is far enough away, they grab the real store clerk, who is tied up and gagged, and pull him up. Then, Justin walks from behind the counter and starts taking all the movies that portray Southerners in a negative light from the shelves.* Jason: You’re a good boy. You didn’t shout or nothin’. That’s good, because if you had, I would have broken every bone in your body. *Justin walks back to the counter with all the movies.* Justin: Okay, I got them all. Jason: What about the other copies in the back? Justin: We already got those. Remember? He got us in the back, and we had to… Jason: Oh, yes, of course. Well, let’s get the hell out of here. *to the clerk* Now, we’re leaving. Now, don’t call the cops, because I took down you information, Terry Byron of 215 Appalachia Street. We know where you live, and we will come back and do unspeakable horrors to you if you call the cops on us. You understand. *The clerk nods his head yes.* Jason: Good. *Jason and Justin exit the store. They walk to their truck. Justin throws the movies he took from the shelf in the back of the truck with the other copies they already stole. Then, they open the doors and get in, Jason in the drive seat and Justin in the passenger seat.* Justin: How many more times do we have to do this, Jason? Jason: *starting the car* As many more times it takes, brother. As many more times it takes. *Then, they drive off.*
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 25, 2008 15:15:32 GMT -5
Bullz-I comes out to his music as usual and then awaits his opponents arrival. Finally, Norman the Lunatic's theme plays and he comes down to the ring with his manager Teddy Long in tow. Norman is let loose from his bonds and released into the ring and the bell rings starting the match.....no sooner has the match started however, than Bullz-I's Valet Callie Shaw gets under the ring and crawls to the other side--and sneaks up behind Teddy in the process--then, before he knows what is happening, Callie grabs his legs and yanks them out from under him causing Teddy to smash face first into the edge of the ring and get knocked out.
This momentarily distracts Norman and Bullz-I uses the chance to give the Lunatic DDT before going for a pin and keeping his opponent down by holding the tights--out of the referee's view of course.
1.......
2..........
3!
Bullz-I has won yet again!
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 25, 2008 15:27:44 GMT -5
Archie Barracus comes out alone to his theme and slides into the ring.
He grabs a mic.
"Come on Lo-Down, let's get this match over with---although to be forced to wrestle with someone as lowly as you guys is an insult to us, we have agreed to get this match over and done with so let's go!"
Lo-Down's music begins to play and the tag team of Lo-Down saunters on down to the ring.
Lo-Down----which at this point outnumbers Archie three to one meets him in the middle of the ring and the two sides begin to talk trash.
The bell rings and the match is underway---but before any action can take place, the arena lights suddenly go out--there is one brief flash of blue light and then complete darkness once more.
A moment later the lights come back on and Archie is standing over D-Lo Brown, while out of the referee's view his cousin Bosco tosses his stun-gun under the ring and then proceeds to pull D-Lo's partner and manager out of the ring.
Archie then pins the dazed D-Lo.
1............................
2.............................
3!
The Barracus Cousins have won their debut match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd however, feels gypped out of a match they have paid good money for and begins to boo the Barracus's victory.
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Post by The Caribbean Crew on May 25, 2008 17:51:58 GMT -5
*We open up on a smoky, dirty, and dingy bar somewhere is Haiti. It looks dilapidated and falling apart. It is filled with quite a few Haitians. There is one white man in the place. He spies a beautiful Haitian woman sitting at the bar. He walks over to the bar and sits next to her. Another woman watches them as she drinks her beer.* Man: Hello there. Woman: Hello. Man: Can I buy you a drink? Woman: Oh no. I’m fine. Man: You sure do look fine. Woman: Um…thank you, but thanks. Man: But, I didn’t ask you a question. Woman: I know what you are doin’, and I’m no intwested. Man: And, what am I doing? Woman: You are twyin’ to get me to go to bed wit you, and I don’t want to. I’m no intwested in white men. Man: *stands up and grabs the woman by her shoulders* Well, why don’t I change your mind about white men? Woman: Stop it! I said no! Man: Just give me a chance baby! *The woman struggles to break free from the man’s grip as he tries to kiss her. Suddenly, the other woman who had been watching them the whole time gets up, grabs the white man, and throws him to the ground.* Man: What the ****! Other woman: She said no! Now, leave dis place before I beat you until you my color! Man: *stands up and gets into the other woman’s face* Bitch! This is none of your business! Who the hell do you think you are throwing me to the ground like that!? Other woman: I’m Marie Martinque, and it is my business. Man: No, it’s not! Me and dis lady *pointing to the woman* were having a nice conversation until you came along and interrupted us! Marie: Fwom wat I coul’ see, it was not a nice conversation! It was you twyin’ to force her to have sex wit you! And, I don’t like that! Man: What!? You got a thing with white men sleeping with Haitian women!? Marie: No, I have no pwoblem wit dat, as long as da white man tweats the Haitian woman wit respect and kindness. But, if he twies to pwactically wape her, then I gotta pwoblem. Man: Rape!? Are you ****ing crazy!? I just asked her to give a white man a chance, and you come here accuse me of rape! What the hell is wrong with you!? Marie: Wat’s wong wit me is dat I’m sick and tiyed of seein’ Haitian women bein’ takin’ advantage of by foweignas. Now, get out of here before I beat you into next week! Man: I’d like to see you try. Marie: No, you don’t. *They just stare at each other for a few seconds. Suddenly, the man tries to punch Marie, but she grabs his hand and gives him a hard punch to the jaw that knocks on his ass. She walks over in front of him.* Marie: I’m gonna give you a chance to leave. You betta take it. *The man wipes his mouth and sees a blood on his hand, which is trickling down from his lips. He suddenly jumps up and charges at Marie with another punch, but she ducks, grabs his arm, turns him around, lifts him up on her back, walks back a little bit, and drops him onto an table with a vertebreaker, breaking the table in half. He lays folded over on his shoulders and neck, yelling in pain.* Woman: Thank you, vewy much! I don’t know wat I woul’ have done witout you! Marie: No pwoblem. Suddenly, the bartender runs over.* Bartender: Dammit, Marie! How many times must I tell you to stop beatin’ up people in my bar? Marie: But, he started it! Bartender: I don’t care! You always tear up my bar! Dammit! I can’t affowad da wepairs! Now, get out and don’t eva come back! Marie: Eh…fine. I got somewhere else I gotta be. *She steps over the white man laying in a heap on the floor and walks out the bar.*
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MrBRulzOK
Wade Wilson
Mr No-Pants Heathen
Something Witty Here.
Posts: 26,719
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Post by MrBRulzOK on May 25, 2008 20:06:52 GMT -5
We to the back area, as we see "The Planet" Jumbo Mass, standing by, wearing that ridiculous looking suit of his.
Jumbo Mass: Hello again! This is EWT correspondent, Jumbo Mass, here once again with the man who just lost to the current EWT Champion, a man that I'm no stranger too... unfortunately, leader of the Platinum Association, Chance Confidence!
Chance walks out from behind the walking blob of a man, holding a hand over his mouth, looking ready to throw up.
Chance: Oh sweet lord... I need some air!
Jumbo: Mr. Confidence...
Chance: Geez... you can at least be considerate enough to hire somebody to wash that mass of waste you call a body! My eyes are watering...
Jumbo: Hey! The doctor says I have a simple body order problem! Nothing I can help...
Chance: Don't get snippy with me you blimp! It's not my fault you are such a failure... don't act like it is!
Jumbo: Hmmmph... at least I'm not as big as you ego.
Chance: Egos are for idiots... I'm simply sure of myself all the time.
Jumbo: Clearly...
Chance: So... why do I get stuck with you again?!
Jumbo: Because Sum Guy is still on that trip I think.
Chance: What about Hoss...
Jumbo: Doesn't care enough to bother...
Chance: Lean Gene...
Jumbo: On a hunger strike till he get's a raise.
Chance: Marisol?
Jumbo: She flat out refused...
Chance: Geez... what about that Armbar freak?
Jumbo: ... Nobody's seen him in awhile...
Out of nowhere Armbar simply pops out behind the wall, charging and putting Chance in a standing Armbar, as he looks on in annoyance, delivering a kick to the jewels, sending the crazed man down in a heap, Chance kicking him hard in the ass for good measure.
Jumbo: Oh... there he is!
Chance: Toomi needs to put him back on the leash.
Jumbo: So anyway... it was either me or Jim Dinner.
Chance's eyes go wide, as he shudders.
Chance: Yeesh... fine, I guess a swollen hog like yourself is better than that guy.
Jumbo: Hey...
Chance: Okay, let's this over with.
Jumbo, sighs, than looks back over, reluctantly nodding.
Jumbo: This past week, Jack Jupiter cost you yet another match...
Chance: YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT?! Well you know what... I've had it up to here with that ragamuffin. As of this moment... the Platinum Association is hereby disbanded! They've been absolutely no help to me anyway.
Jumbo: Well, that's kind of anti climactic...
Chance: Just like the abrupt endings to your diets.
Jumbo: HEY!
Chance: Jack Jupiter... you screwed things up for the last time. You and me... we are through! You can take your brothers, your sister, your retarded cousins, and the rest of that family of your's and dive head first into a volcano for all I care!
Chance folds his arms, giving a rather displeased look, as Jumbo nods.
Jumbo: Well then, that brings us to your match this week... against Who.
Chance: Who?
Jumbo: Who.
Chance: Who?
Jumbo: Who...
Chance: Yes, who?
Jumbo: Jim Neidhart!
Chance: Johnny Parisi?
Jumbo groans.
Jumbo: Damn it... JIM FREAKING NEIDHART! YOU KNOW... WHO!!!
Chance: So... who is my opponent.
Jumbo: Yes...
Chance: No really, who is my opponent?
Jumbo: YES!!!
Chance: Don't raise your voice to me commoner! Just tell me who is my opponent?!
Jumbo: Who is!
Chance: Don't ask me... I'm asking you who!
Jumbo: I already told you... WHO!!!
Chance: No you didn't. You're just prattling on like a drunk owl!
Jumbo: JIM NEIDHART! WHO!!!
Chance: SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP! I have to go prepare for my match against Who...
Jumbo lets out an exasperated sigh, as he holds a hand over his face, as Chance simply wanders off. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Johnny Parisi walks on screen.
Parisi: Did somebody mention my name?
Jumbo: *staring right at him* ... Huh. Now I'm hearing voices... I'm out of here.
Jumbo walks off, leaving Parisi simply standing there.
Parisi: Hello? Anybody out there? Hello.... NOTICE ME DAMN IT!!!
Thankfully, we quickly cut to the next segment.
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Post by hardcorehensley on May 26, 2008 19:45:08 GMT -5
"Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" comes across the arena.Lillian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the EWT Ox Division Championship! Introducing the champion, hailing from Richmond, Virginia and weighing in at two hundred and fifty-two pounds...HARDCORE HENSLEY!!! Hardcore Hensley makes his way to the ring bobbing up and down with his belt slung around his neck. He slides into the ring, pumped up, and starts playing the crowd. He asks for Lillian's microphone, and she hands it over."Well folks, it took me a bit, but I finally got you what you wanted. I know it's not how, and I do apologize, but believe me when I say you will get exactly what you deserve. Come Sunday, Foe, I don't give a damn what the officials tell me. If I wanna take your head off, which I do, I'm gonna. They won't stop me, you won't stop me, nobody gonna stop me! You can bring your little weed eater if you want. S***, you can bring a f***ing tank, I don't care! When the bell rings, it's just me and you, in between these ropes. There won't be anywhere for you to run. Your ass will be mine! I could go on about this, I really could, but it wouldn't do justice. Ever since you showed up Foe, you've been playing the game. When you began, you were dominant, you thought it was too easy so I upped the difficulty. On June 1st, for you, it's game over-" "Rooster Boosters, let me you say a cock-a-doodle-do!" A man in red tights with the hair style of a rooster's comb interrupts the champ. The fans eye him with curiosity. "I can't hear you-" "What the s***! Man, who the hell are you?" "Why, I'm the Red Rooster." "The Red what?" "Rooster." "Oh, you're the Red Cock. I see, I gotcha, let me help you out. This is the EWT Arena. Only cocks allowed in here are-" "Sir, please! Excuse yourself! Is that the same mouth you kiss your mother with?" "Ha, no, I keep that one in my pocket." "I can tell why you're the joke of the locker room! All this time I just thought it was because of your so-called talent!" "You wanna come down here, and say that to my face, b****?" "Gladly." The Red Rooster drops his own mic, and marches down the aisle. A referee slides in, and immediately calls for the bell.
As soon as his opponent gets inside, Hensley puts the boots to him. He yanks it up to his feet then opens up with stiff kicks. He has him using the ropes for leverage, and crying Uncle instantly. He Irish whips him to the other side, and sticks him with a drop kick off the rebound. Quickly, he gets up, and connects with a picture-perfect lionsault. That raises a few eyebrows, and he goes for the cover.
1...
2...
NO!
Hensley pounds the mat in frustration. He shakes it off though, and pulls his opposition back up with him. He chops away furiously at his chest, leaving noticeable welts, until he's cornered. He hoists him up to the top rope, stopping a moment to taunt before planting him a muscle buster. He gives the crowd a little wave then hooks the leg again.
1...
2...
3-NO!
This time, instead of a kick-out, the champ simply lays off. He stares him down intently, seeming to be in deep thought. Finally, he gets back up, taking him with him. He lifts him up onto his shoulders, shows off the "cross" then drops him with a Death Valley driver. The man's head ricocheting off the canvas sends the audience into an "ooh" frenzy. The champ taunts again, and appears to go for another cover, but backs off. He repeats his previous process, eying him coldly. Reluctantly, he gets back up one more time. He throws him up over his shoulders again, does the "cross" then spins him around. He catches him with the Pizza Cutta in midair, on a slope somewhat actually. The landing is gruesome. At last, he rakes his forearm across his near-death competitor's face.
1...
2...
3!Garcia: Your winner, and STILL EWT Ox Division Champion...HARDCORE HENSLEY!!! The fall is academic, and Hensley wastes no time exiting the squared circle. The ref rushes his belt over to him, but gets tossed aside when he tries to raise the victors arm. He disappears behind the curtains, not so much as glancing at a single fan.
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on May 26, 2008 23:18:17 GMT -5
¢
£
A
¥
The beginning of ‘No One Knows’ plays as the Killionare enters, getting an array of negative energy.
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing Minipax, from Cash Mountain, weighing in at 262 lbs., Richard Clay!
Clay makes his way to the ring, showing off his figure by peeling back his purple vest. He makes a smug face as he enters the ring.
‘Apocalypse Please’ starts off as a blue mist rises to the ceiling. Pyro explodes and the crowd begins the cheer.
Announcer: And his opponent, from the Aquarium, weighing in at around 294lbs…this is Maelstrom!
Maelstrom walks with a limp to the ring, still hurt from RPITAR. He points to Clay and shouts threats to him. As he enters the ring, the referee checks both men before calling the bell.
*ding ding ding*
Clay quickly goes for Maelstrom’s injured leg, but he moves out of the way and drops an elbow. Clay is quick to recover, and kicks Maelstrom in the leg. Maelstrom goes down like a sack of potatoes. Clay grabs hold of the foot of his injured leg and starts to kick at the inside of Maelstrom’s leg. Maelstrom gets to the rope, though, and Clay is forced to let go.
Maelstrom is slow to get up, clutching his leg. Almost as soon as he lets go of the ropes, Clay hits a Piccadilly Cutter! Clay goes for a quick cover!
1!
2!
Kickout by Maelstrom. Clay grabs a hold of Maelstrom’s injured leg and slams it into the canvas. Just then, Joe One runs down from the ramps! The referee goes to him, trying to keep him out of the ring. As Joe jaws with the official, Christopher Indigo runs in through the crowd with a chair! He takes the chair and slams it into Maelstrom’s leg, and runs back through the crowd like a man on fire as the crowd boos the actions! Clay locks in a half Boston Crab, just as Joe drops to the floor and starts to walk up the ramp. The ref, having seen none of what had just happened, turns around just in time to see Maelstrom tap out.
*ding ding ding*
Announcer: Here is your winner, Richard Clay!
Clay’s arm is raised in victory as Joe One claps on the ramp. Maelstrom clutches his leg, more damaged from what Minipax has done to it.
*commercial break*
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Dave at the Movies
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
VINTAGE D-DAY DAVE! Always cranking dat thing.
Posts: 18,224
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Post by Dave at the Movies on May 26, 2008 23:49:02 GMT -5
(Cut back from commercial) Gorilla Monsoon- Hello folks Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura here ready to call this next match. Jesse Ventura- That’s right Gorilla and what an interesting match it is. We got two newcomers to the EWT here and all we know about them is that their names are “Mad Dog” Bill Jones and “Shotgun” Ed Jones. Gorilla Monsoon- That’s right Jess and together they call themselves the New Age Banditz. Jesse Ventura- Ya know know Gorilla that tag team name sounds awfully familiar. Gorilla- I was just thinking the same thing Jess. Well anyway they will be going up against the successful team of The Bodydonnas Skip and Zip of course managed by Sunny. Jesse Ventura- Yeah I haven’t seen the Bodydonnas in a while but I’m sure like always they are in phenomenal shape. They work out quite a bit. Did ya know that Gorilla? Gorilla- Please all three of them only remind me about it like every ten seconds. Now lets go to Howard Finkle in the ring. Howard Finkle- This next tag team match is scheduled for one fall and making their way down to the ring accompanied by their manager Sunny at a combined weight of 455 pounds………….Skip and Zip…………….The Bodydonnas. (The Bodydonnas make their way down to the ring and Sunny gets on the mic.) Sunny- If you want to see the best look no further because The Bodydonnas have arrived. You wanted it, you got it, here is the most physically built team in all of the EWT. We are here to show off our oily bodies and make you jealous and if you think you can………….. (Sunny is interrupted by The New Age Banditz music ( youtube.com/watch?v=Ep1NJloPlCE ) and “Mad Dog” Bill Jones on the mic. They walk down to the ring while Bill keeps talking on the mic.) Bill Jones- Oh so you knew!!!! ? Well your GIMMICK better still call somebodyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! You damn right! (Bill and Ed Jones get in the ring and the Bodydonnas coward outside of it.) Bill Jones- Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Extreme Wrestlecrap Theaderation proudly brings to you soon to be EWT Tag Team Champions of the Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrld!!!! I’m “Mad Dog” Bill Jones!! He’s “Shotgun” Ed Jones!! And together we are the horseback riding, gas price hating, bar fight starting, mad dog barking, shotgun blasting, gimmick stealing…………………………….THE NEW AGE BANDITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ventura- Wow the New Age Banditz interrupting the Bodydonnas in their first debut match. That is a risky move. Gorilla- Sure is Jess but it sure seems like these two guys know what they are doing. That was the most original introduction I’ve ever seen. Ventura- Yeah I hope no one ever steals that entrance from them. (The Bodydonnas jump into the ring and try to jumpstart the match. The New Age Banditz see them and fight them off. The New Age Banditz fight the Bodydonnas to the ropes and clothesline them right back out of the ring at the same time. The Banditz start doing jumping jacks in the middle of the ring mocking the Bodydonnas.) Ventura- The New Age Banditz are now mocking the Bodydonnas with The Bodydonna’s own showmanship style of moves. Gorilla- Yeah Jess defiantly a great mind game by the Banditz to get under the Bodydonna’s skin. (The ref takes back control and gets two men out and two men in the ring to wrestle. Ed of the Banditz starts it out with Skip of the Bodydonnas. They tie up and Skip pushes Ed away and thumbs him in the eye. Ed recovers quickly and thumbs Skip right back in the eye and laughs at his copied move. Skip does not find it amusing and chops Ed right in the chest. Ed recovers and chops Skip in the exact same way and laughs about stealing yet another move. Skip is not amused and out of no where starts doing pushups to burn off some steam right in the middle of the ring. Ed just stands their staring at Skip not sure what to think. Pretty soon Zip comes into the ring and starts doing pushups right next to Skip. Bill comes into the ring and stands next to Ed and they look on at the odd pushup party that has just started in the ring. Ed looks at Bill and Bill looks at Ed and they raise their shoulders as to say “Sure why not” and get down head to head with Skip and Zip and start doing pushups faster. Skip and Zip see this and start going just as fast. Skip and Zip start yelling at The Banditz about how much better shape they are in then the Banditz and The Banditz start copying everything the Bodydonnas say yelling it back in the exact same way. Pretty soon Skip and Zip get tired and collapse and The Banditz take advantage by both delivering double axe handles to their fallen foes. Ed picks up Zip and throws him to the outside of the ring while Bill picks up Skip and sets him up on his shoulders. Gorilla- Hey Jess they told me about this move they are setting up. They told me they call it The Heist. Ventura- Interesting name. I guess we will see if it steals the victory for The Banditz here. (Ed gets on the top rope and delivers a bulldog to Skip taking Skip right off of Bill’s shoulders. Ed covers Skip.) 1…. 2….. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Howard Finkle- Here are your winners…………………..THE NEW AGE BANDITZ!!!!!!!!! Gorilla- Nice debut by a great new original team wouldn't you say Jess? Ventura- Yeah I hope we see more of those guys. Anyone who can tire out their opponents by beating them in a pushup war is all right in my book.
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 27, 2008 16:12:34 GMT -5
Mike Awesome comes out to the ring to his music.
Soon after, Lance Sterling does as well.
the bell rings starting the match.
Awesome charges at Sterling who counters with a Drop Toe Hold and then follows up with a Chinlock on Awesome.
It doesn't take long for Awesome to tap out and Lance has won his EWT debut match.
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 28, 2008 10:03:03 GMT -5
Bullz-I's theme begins to play as he and his Valet Callie Shaw come on out to the ring. Bullz-I grabs a mic and goes on one of his sigature rants.
"There are going to many changes, the rest of the year and as such the first one I am making Is this.....my Valet is to no longer go by her well known name of Callie Shaw, but by the name I have given her. Therefore she will now be known as La Cagna---that is all, thank you."
Callie--er, the newly dubbed La Cagna's jaw drops at the announcement and she gets an angry look on her face---Bullz-I however simply ignores her and returns backstage.
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Post by blackwizardcoby on May 29, 2008 14:23:17 GMT -5
Black Sabbath's After All (The Dead) is already playing when we return to the EWT arena. Poe Moe Foe is on his way to the ring, with an anonymous EWT interviewer trailing him. The interviewer dogs Foe with questions, asking him about his thoughts on the upcoming match against Tugboat, his thoughts on Hardcore Hensley and their upcoming match this Sunday. Foe ignores him but the reporter insists. Foe sighs. "Look, I don't have time to play twenty questions. I'm losing my temper and I haven't entered the damn ring yet. So, you can keep following me and asking stupid questions, but I'm warning you, you do and I'm going to make this upcoming match a handicap one. And I'll cripple you like I'm going to sink Tugboat out there. Have I made myself clear? Now f*** off!" Kris Kloss and Bret Ernst are our announcers for the match. The booming voice of the ring announcer sounds throughout the arena, "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 384 pounds, from Tampa, Florida...Tugboat!" The crowd applauds the former WWF superstar. "And his opponent, weighing in at 232 pounds, from Charlottesville, Virginia...Poe Moe Foe!" the announcer introduces Foe to a round of boos. Foe ignores this and makes his way to the ring, dousing himself with a water bottle and throwing the empty bottle at Tugboat. That action gets his opponent riled up as Tugboat hammers on Foe as soon as he sets foot in the ring. Tugboat hammers on Poe Moe Foe, using his size advantage to keep Foe from getting any offense. Foe refuses to go down, using the ropes for support. Tugboat's assault relents as his opponent rests in the turnbuckle. Foe does not get a chance to rest for long as Tugboat charges after him, splashing into him. Foe sinks to the ground, but remains on his feet. Tugboat tries another splash, but Foe moves out of the way. Tugboat crashes into the corner as Foe rebounds. He spins Tugboat around and stomps into him. As Tugboat sinks to the crowd, Foe punches him with stiff shots. The referee begins the five count but Foe stops his assault before the ref can utter the five. Foe smirks as the ref admonishes him. "What's the point?" Bret Ernst comments," It's not like he cares what the referee says." "Well, he should!" Kris Kloss states. "The referee is there to enforce order and regulations. It's what seperates wrestlers from people like Poe Moe Foe." Foe places Tugboat in a chicken wing hold. As Tugboat sinks to the canvas, Foe drags him over (with some difficulty) to the ropes near the announce table. Tugboat manages to grab the ropes as Foe relinquishes the hold. He kicks Tugboat through the bottom rope to the outside. Foe exits the ring after him and grabs some electrical wires. "I don't like where this is going," Kris Kloss states. Bret Ernst agrees. The referee begins to count the two contestants out, but stops for another count as Foe wraps the wires around Tugboat's throat. Foe begins to choke Tugboat out, releasing the wires before the referee can count to five. The referee expresses his disgust at such disregard for the rules as Foe grabs Kris Kloss' water bottle. Foe resets the count before exiting the ring. He stomps Tugboat before wrapping the wires around his throat once more. Instead of choking him, though, he ties them around Tugboat's throat. He grabs the water bottle and tosses water all over the electrical wires around Tugboat... The announcers yell, "OH MY GOD!" in unison after witnessing a stunt that could have been cut from Wrestling Society X. Even the referee pauses at what he's just seen. Poe Moe Foe stares at his opponent before leaving ringside, totally apathetic to what he's just done. The referee pauses...before calling for the DQ. Not that Foe cares, he's already on his way to the back. He raises his arms in victory, an action the crowd boos. He mouths to the camera that he's the winner because he's the last man standing, but his comments are drowned out by the crowd. EMTs give him plenty of room (staying out of arm's reach) before rushing out to help Tugboat. Winner (by DQ): Tugboat
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Tiffany
Mike the Goon
Don't ask me. I'm just a girl... aheheh, aheheh...
Posts: 39
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Post by Tiffany on May 29, 2008 14:39:46 GMT -5
*Backstage. Liam O'Neill is talking to Tiffany.* Tiffany: Liam, you HAVE to help me. All those other girls are huge! And they all have much more experience than I do! Liam: Even Jasmyne? I thought all she was known for was her acting. Tiffany: Even her. I asked her & she said she was VERY experienced with women. You HAVE to help me train so I'm at least as good as Ashley Massaro. Liam: Hold on there, brother... You can't improve THAT much in the space of a week... unless... Tiffany: Unless what? Liam: We're gonna need... A MONTAGE!*The music starts & immediately we cut to a clip of Tiffany running on a treadmill, as Liam, Mahavir & Jasmyne stand around. The heads of all three are bobbing up & down as they watch her chest bounce. Mahavir turns to Jasmyne & mouths "Like what you see, yes?" Jasmyne nods approvingly.* *Next a scene of Tiffany on a weight machine doing some chest workouts. Again, Liam, Mahavir & Tiffany are assembled watching her chest & once again Mahavir poses the crucial question to Jasmyne. Jasmyne, mouth hanging open, responds in the affirmative for a second time.* *A scene of Liam & Tiffany riding a tandem bike. Liam is slogging his guts out. Tiffany is resting on the back with her feet up & reading a magazine.* *Tiffany sneaks into a bakery & walks out with a box of doughnuts. She quickly stuffs one in her mouth before Liam appears & snaps the box out of her hands. As Tiffany walks off in a huff, Liam takes a doughnut from the box & devours it himself.* *Tiffany is running along a street dressed in her sweats as Liam drives alongside in a car shouting words of encouragement. Tiff stops for a moment & bends over. Liam gets out to check on her. Tiff runs into the car & speeds off.* *Tiffany is shown throwing punches at a heavy bag in the gym. She throws one punch & misses the bag entirely. Next, a fly lands on the bag, Tiffany punches the spot where the fly landed. Afterwards, the fly buzzes off unharmed.* *The montage closes with a scene of Tiffany running up a series of steps in her sweats. She takes a look up to the top & sees there a quite alot of steps to go. About 1/ 10 of the way up, Tiffany stops & sits down &, of course, we fade out...*
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default
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Blames Everything On Snitsky. Yes, Even THAT.
Posts: 17,056
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Post by default on May 29, 2008 15:27:36 GMT -5
"Hole In One" Barry Darsow makes his way to the ring, his golfbag full of clubs on his back to a small amount of jeers from the crowd. He sets his golfbag at ringside and hands his flat cap to the ring girl.Coach: "Hole in One" Barry Darsow making his way to the ring. What are your thoughts on him? Lita: Well, personally, I don't know him very well. However, professionally, he's a man you have to watch out for. He has a mean streak in him, he's a veteran performer and he'll stop at nothing to win. youtube.com/watch?v=BjfIlPVOOvg "Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by Westlife fills the arena as Sammy Stardust makes his way to the ring. Dressed in tuxedo pants, an undone tuxedo shirt with an undone bowtie hanging around his neck and a pair of sunglasses. With a grin on his face, he high fives fans as he heads to the ring.Coach: Interesting attire for Sammy Stardust. I wonder if that's going to hurt his chances in this match. Lita: Well, as someone who hasn't exactly worn traditional ring attire, I gotta say that I really don't think it's that big of a deal. As long as you're comfortable in what you're wearing it shouldn't matter. Stardust stops ringside and takes off the bowtie and tuxedo shirt and hands them to a woman ringside before climbing into the ring. He wipes his feet quickly before stepping inside. Referee Jack Doan has a few words between the two men before Darsow stops and calls for a timeout. Stardust simply leans back in the corner as Darsow heads to the ropes and climbs out of the ring, asking for a mic. The crowd boos as Darsow grins.Darsow: Hold on, hold on. I've got a proposition for you Mr. Stardust. Darsow heads over to his golf bag. He pulls out a putter, a golf ball and a cup and sets them in the ring before climbing in himself.Darsow: I'll tell you what. I'll give you the chance to get the win. A count out win over myself. All you have to do is knock this little ball... Darsow drops the ball about two feet away from Stardust's feet, stopping it with his foot. Darsow then walks to the other corner of the ring a foot or so from the other turnbuckle and kneels down, setting the cup down.Darsow: Into this big old cup. Darsow stands up and picks up the putter. He walks over to Stardust and holds out the putter.Darsow: Whatta ya say? Stardust walks over and pulls the mic up in Darsow's hand to his face.Stardust: I say... that I came here to wrestle. Stardust backs up to some cheers as Darsow shrugs and smiles.Darsow: Oh, I get it. You're not very good. That's okay... I'll give you a second shot. That should make up for your handicap. Stardust shakes his head and heads toward Darsow who backs up, ducking under the ropes as the referee backs Stardust off.Darsow: No... no... I meant golf handicap! Geez! You can have two swings! Stardust rubs his jaw as Darsow continues egging him on.Darsow: C'mon! Two shots is easy from this distance! I regularly only need one shot at four hundred yards, then again... I'm Mr. Hole in One. So I guess I can understand you know you're not as good as me, but I mean I could get a little snot nosed kid from the crowd to do this. Stardust heads toward Darsow, pushing the referee out of his way to some cheers. Stardust then takes the mic as the crowd quiets down.Stardust: Look, I can see you're not going to stop about this, so fine. I'll take the challenge, just because I'm so sick of hearing you talk, I want you out of the ring. Darsow: Fine, fine! Good! Excellent! Darsow takes the putter and heads over to the golf ball. Darsow creeps up on him as Stardust finds a good grip with the putter with his arm. Darsow begins talking as Stardust studies the ball and a path to the cup. Darsow keeps chattering away as Stardust stops and looks at him. Darsow puts a hand over his mouth as Stardust lines up the shot once more and puts. The ball rolls approximately two feet from the cup as the crowd "aahs". Darsow begins laughing as Stardust turns to him and shakes his head in disgust before walking over to the ball. Darsow again tip toes over as Stardust begins lining up for his second shot. Darsow again begins talking as Stardust spins around and swings the club hard at Darsow's ribs.Coach: What the! The crowd cheers as Darsow doubles over. Stardust swings at Darsow's right thigh again to cheers as Darsow clutches his leg. The referee runs over and grabs the club as Stardust begins laying in kicks to the right leg and ribs of Darsow before throwing a huge right hook at Darsow's jaw, sending him down to the mat as the crowd explodes. Darsow pushes himself to his feet as Stardust backs off a step before spinning around and levelling Darsow with the Clark County Kick.Coach: CCK! Lita: An impressive reverse roundhouse kick square to Darsow's fat head! Darsow rolls out of the ring as Jack Doan holds Stardust back. Stardust backs off with a grin on his face Doan rolls out of the ring. Finally, Lillian Garcia stands up with the mic after having exchanged words with the referee.Lillian: Ladies and gentlement, referee Jack Doan has ruled this match a no contest. The crowd boos a bit as Stardust shrugs. Darsow slowly recovers as Stardust hops on the turnbuckle nearest Darsow and looks down at him. Darsow reaches in and quickly snatches the putter out of the ring and shoves it into golf bag. He then puts on his flat cap and grabs hic clubs and slowly heads up the ramp, huffing and puffing at Stardust on his way to the back. "Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by Westlife picks up on the speakers as Stardust poses a bit and plays up to the crowd. Spotting the golf ball and cup, Stardust uses his foot to knock it in and then picks up the cup and rolls out of the ring, handing it to a fan before heading to the back.
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Post by The Bad Man on May 29, 2008 18:41:49 GMT -5
We return to ringside and find the crowd restless as they are expecting the next bout, when the stage takes a orange glow and the music that makes babies cry seeps out of the speakers damaging eardrums in the process. As the crowd shouts in abuse out wanders the man who makes a walrus feel thin. The Bad Man is here, he heads to the ring his bulbous frame etched with anger and hate. He clambers up the steps and takes up a microphone. The boos and jeers from the audience is loud as the pitted bald head of EWT’s most despicable human being sneers into the microphone.
BAD MAN (Rapsy gurgling voice): Flheh … Hate, vileness, sadism and pain … flheh … they drive me … flheh … they make me want to hurt you … flheh … they make me want to do bad things …
The crowd boos loudly
BAD MAN: Flah ... bad things like at that Rumble … flheh … at that Rumble where an Ogre got in my way ... an Ogre I shall decimate, Crush, SMAsh!, DESTROY!! ….
Suddenly the arena stage explodes! The pyro goes off as what sounds like game show music ‘The Chant’ by “Cannonball Adderly” hits! The crowd jumps to it’s feet not knowing what or who to expect. From the entry point out walk two stunning women in dresses that make the sex and city girls look like tramps. They stand either side of the walkway a microphone in the hand of one a cane in the hand of the other.
HOT LADY: Ladies and gentlemen, Crap-A-Mania Cinco is only a few nights away and as such let me introduce the man who would never miss such a spectacle that is the Super Bowl and World Cup of our company. That charming, talented, beautiful man ….
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on May 29, 2008 18:42:57 GMT -5
HOT LADY: The Main Event Midget … CURLY LONG!!!
The speakers switch instantly over to Moving on Up! By M People. A huge pyro shaped like a streamer explodes as out form the entrance walks Curly Long!! Dressed in a smart white suit the crowd reacts with cheers as Curly Long has been absent from EWT for a while. The Bad Man just watches. The first lady hands Curly the microhpone and the second hands him the cane, he then heads to the ring with the two ladys by his side. Curly enters the ring to more applause as the two ladys stand by the corners making the flash bulbs of cameras go nuts. Curly Long begins …
CURLY LONG: Once Again … Curly Long is EWT!
The crowd continues to applaud
CURLY LONG: That’s right people I’m back for the biggest spectacle of the EWT year, I’m here to Save You! Yes that’s right you nacho stuffing tubsters! I’m saving you from the mediocrity that is your lives. The downright laughable women you call wives and girlfriends! And the ratings of this fine show!
The crowd begins to boo.
CURLY LONG: But most of all I’m here to save you from a dull Crap-A-Mania Cinco that I nearly wasn’t involved in! That’s right I’m going to be there at Crap-A –Mania Cinco to save the entertainment which was threatening to go down the drain … and most of all I’m going to be there to save … You!
Curly Long swishes his cane and points at The Bad Man. The Bad Man sneers and menacingly leans over Curly Long ready to squash the cocky midget.
CURLY LONG: Yes you! … What you think you can just be evil and everything will turn up smelling of roses? Bad Man you are about to go into Crap-a-Mania and face off against the man that eliminated you from the Royal pain in the Ass Rumble due to the cunning of Toom E Dangerously. That man is Ogre. Who I hear is having a wonderful time out on the road with Sum Guy.
BAD MAN: OGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CURLY LONG: You see I know the pain that it caused you, I know you want revenge and blood and all other manner of horrors your cracked mind can come up with. But this Ogre is not just any old Ogre he’s the EWT grandmasters pick … and for that you need a slice of deviousness … namely me!
The crowd boos
CURLY LONG: Bad Man, what do you say … let me help you topple this so called Ogre.
BAD MAN: FLheh … Little man you have a deal, but only I will smell the blood of the Ogre! FLEEAAARRGGGHHH!!!
The Bad Man beats his chest with his hands and roars a gargle of hate as he agrees, before rushing out of the ring and charging up the ramp out of sight in a blind rage of monstrous evil. Curly watches and grins.
CURLY LONG: Now for the rest of the plan … Oops! Forgot about the microphone.
Crowd chants ‘VLB’ loudly
CURLY LONG: Hey, It’s what I am … heh heh
Curly Long’s music hits again as the crowd continues to jeer. Curly Long exits the ring the cogs in his mind turning, but what is his true motivation?
(fade out)
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Post by Tea & Crumpets on May 30, 2008 10:45:53 GMT -5
*Cut to backstage, where we see Todd Whatisname outside the Highland Diamonds locker room.*
Todd: Hello, I’m Todd Whatisname, an I’m here with the Highland Diamonds. Or I will be shortly.
*Todd cautiously opens the door, wary after how the Diamonds treated Sum Guy. He sees Emerald Warrior watching a TV screen with some old wrestling tapes on.*
Warrior: Ah! An interview man! Come on in!
Todd:….But, I thought you didn’t like the backstage interviewers.
Warrior: What? Nah, we love the press. We only dislike Sum Guy, cause he’s a doofus. You aren’t’ a doofus, right?
Todd *gulps*:…..Erm…..no?
Warrior: Good, then interview away!
Todd: Well, I notice your team mate Angus MacAngus isn’t here, and in your last interview you didn’t accompany him? Is there tension in the ranks?
*Angus walks through a door in the process of putting his ring gear on*
Angus: Ach noo, no tension. But I’m a little tense now, whoever ye are.
Todd: Todd Whatsisname.
Angus: Right, well anyway, I’m pretty tense right noo. Pretty fed up, cause although we’ve got a title shot at Crap a Mania, what happens just before the show? We’re given another placeholder match. Ah talked last week aboot how we’re sick of getting’ nobodies, an hoo we want a real challenge, so who’ve we got this week? The Dynamic Dudes! Another joke team. Another pair o’ garbage! We’re bein’ treated like a goddamn skip! We are not a rubbish dumpin’ ground!!
Emerald Warrior: *patronizing* No Angus, that’s right. We’re a pro wrestling tag team. Not a dumping ground, well done!
*Angus pushes Warrior off camera*
Angus: An’ this lycra clad clown isn’t exactly helpin’ either! He’s all content wih’ the title match, an isn’t bothered about anythin’ until then! He’s not interested in provin his worth, in showin’ his skill. I’ve had a long hard career, I know how much every match means.
Warrior: Oh, I care about my matches. I’m just satisified much easier than you are……phew, don’t take THAT out of context.
Todd: Well then, may I ask: What is your gameplan going in to this match?
Angus: Gameplan? Who needs a gameplan for a pair o’ jokers! If we had real competition, maybe there’d be a gameplan, maybe you’d have somethin ta talk to us aboot, but since we’re just facin more jobbers, we have-nae bothered with a gameplan!
Warrior: Yeah, the only planning I’ve done involving games is deciding when I’m going to buy Grand Theft Auto 4.
Todd: You like GTA 4? Gosh, isn’t it a great game!! There’s so much stuff you can do!!
Warrior:…..Actually no. I was lying to see if you were telling the truth when you said you weren’t’ a doofus. I don’t play videogames, I’m an upper class guy! I move in social circles bigger than most crop circles, and I’m a sharper dressed man than the ZZ Top song of the same name. You however, have just proved that you’re a basement dwelling, Dorito eating ne’r-do-well like Sum Guy, so interview over.
*Warrior opens the door and waves Todd out*
Angus: While mah partner here is all fun an’ frivolity, I’m not! EWT, ye may be takin us lightly, ye may be treatin’ our Crap-A-Mania match as a throwaway, but we certainly aren’t! Or at least, I’m not. And I’m not taking our next match lightly either. Warrior: Yep, Skateboard Shane and Johnny Laryngitis are going to get creamed. They won’t be dynamic-izing it up for quite some time.
Angus: Ace, Douglas, just like wih’ tha others, it’s not personal. You’re just a stepping stone on our route ta Mexico, ta Crap-a-Mania, ta tha biggest match o’ our careers. And if yah think we’re going to let you curtail our momentum, you’re sorely mistaken!
*Angus as always throws his kilt over the camera as we cut to adverts*
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MrBRulzOK
Wade Wilson
Mr No-Pants Heathen
Something Witty Here.
Posts: 26,719
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Post by MrBRulzOK on May 30, 2008 15:16:06 GMT -5
We cut to the ring, as we see Who standing inside, pacing around a bit, preparing himself for this upcoming match, as he looks toward the entrance way, as Direction Perfection starts up on the Toomitron, a familiar pair emerging from the back, one of them clad in his usual emerald green hooded robe, as he steps slowly down the ramp way, his goon following closely behind, as he stops at the top, raising one arm, as a stream of silver sparks shoot up, the man walking down further, keeping it held aloft, then reaching the middle, as he raises the other, another identical stream emerging opposite from the first, as he continues to walk, finally stopping once more at the bottom, lowering those arms, as he pulls down the hood, revealing the arrogant sneer of one Chance Confidence, as the crowd boos. He, of course, has a headset microphone on as well.
Chance: THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS... going to be scheduled for... well, this joker will be lucky if he lasts even a moment against my divine presence. Introducing first, from... Who cares... weighing in at... Who cares... Who...cares...
Who looks toward the outside, seeming rather offended, though the mask makes it hard to tell.
Chance: And his completely superior opponent, weighing in tonight at an astounding... 220 pounds, yes I gained a pound... it's about a million less than all of you slobs put on, he hails from the land known as London England, and he is a wrestling deity... the one... the only... CHANCE....CONFIDENCE!!!
The crowd boos loudly at these cheap remarks, as Chance removes his robe and headset, quickly folding it up the former and handing them off to Punisher, who takes it and nods, as the confident one leaps atop the apron, quickly flipping inside the ring, walking toward the turnbuckle, only for Who to immediately charges at Chance as he does, Chance quickly dropping him with a drop toe hold, popping back up and stomping across the back of his neck, as he looks down with annoyance. Who gets back to his feet, as Chance grabs him by the head, charging for a bulldog, only for Who to push him off, sending him off the ropes, as he looks for a back body drop, Chance however scouting this and deliver a nasty boot right to the head, sending Who stumbling back! He looks up, just in time to get a spinning back heel kick to the face, knocking him down hard, as Chance quickly drops a leg across the throat, before making a cover. 1....2....
Who kicks out. Chance immediately swings behind him, grabbing him around the neck, starting to apply a quick dragon sleeper, as Who tries to wriggle free, seated on the mat. He tries to get to a vertical base, but Chance simply leaps atop his back, clasping on even further with that sleeper hold, as Who reaches back, trying to pull him off, but to no avail. Eventually he tries running back into the opposite turnbuckle, Chance however leaping off, landing atop the turnbuckle, then snapping off his Confidence in Capacity, spiking Who into the mat viciously! The crowd boos, as Chance gets to his feet, smirking and taking a bow, before placing a foot atop his opponent's chest, folding his arms confidently. 1....2....
3!!!
Chance has made quick work of Who.
Announcer: Here is your winner...
Chance however immediately interrupts the random announcer, as he slips his headset back on.
Chance: And your winner of the match... as if you had any doubt about it, the former EWT Champion... Tri State Champion... Toolshed Champion... and your wrestling deity, the one and only CHANCE...CONFIDENCE!!!
Chance looks down at Who on the mat, poking him with a foot now, before snapping his fingers, as if on command, the Platinum Punisher quickly slips in, as Chance hoists the limp body off the ground, ripping the mask off his face, of course revealing Jim Neidhart, as he holds him in a Full Nelson, the Punisher coming off the ropes, then nearly taking his head off with a nasty Yakuza Kick, Jim landing hard on the mat, as Chance smirks, mockingly stroking an invisible beard, quickly slipping out of the ring once more as Direction Perfection starts up in the background, Punisher looking down and nodding, following after his employer, as the crowd continues to boo loudly, as they watch the arrogant young punk exit the ring. Chance ignores their jeers, simply heading triumphantly to the back once more, before turning back around.
Chance: Oh yes... you fools can rest assured... I WILL BE at Crapmania Cinco in some capacity. How exactly? Well... you'll find out.
He turns his back once again, finishing his exit, as we quickly cut to a Vile video package.
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Post by teamireland on May 30, 2008 17:41:05 GMT -5
Backstage- Team Ireland Locker Room O'Hare: Right lads, this is it! Crap-A-Mania! We can't afford to lose this time! Aidan, you win that Escalator to Heaven Match & you can get a shot at the EWT World Heavyweight Championship. Sean, Shane, you lads have the opportunity to take that tape. That item that has caused us so much consternation over the last few months. With that in our posession we will have all the sway over Liam that we need! *There's a knock at the door.* O'Hare: Come in. *Loud Bollywood music starts playing. A troupe of Indian dancers bursts through the door & a small man clad in traditional Indian dress with a turban walks in. The small man produces a scrolled up piece of paper & hands it to O'Hare. The music continues as the dancing troupe & the small man leave the room before eventually fading out. O'Hare unrolls the piece of paper.*
Aidan: What is it Coach?
*O'Hare produces a small pair of half-moon glasses from his jacket pocket.*
O'Hare: It's a contract. [He murmurs a bit as he reads through it] According to this, Malanama wants us to put Team Ireland's contracts on the line in the Ladder Match at Crap-A-Mania Cinco!
Aidan: Wait, what would that mean for us?
O'Hare: Well, if we lose (like that'll happen) it means you lads can no longer team together & I'm no longer to manage any of ya's.
Sean: That's ridiculous... Ya can't possibly...
*O'Hare takes out a pen & begins to sign the contract.*
Aidan: Coach, wht the hell are you doing?
O'Hare: Look, Aidan... THIS is our only chance to get our hands on that tape of Liam's when we discover his secret we will be able to get him to do whatever we want!
Sean: But if we lose...
O'Hare: BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE ARE YA, SEAN?!
*Sean backs down.*
O'Hare: The fate of Team Ireland hangs in the balance here, lads! And, Sean, it rests squarely on the shoulders of you & the big lad.
*O'Hare finishes signing the document.*
O'Hare: Malablabla is trying to get in your heads with this s***e! You lads have won Escalator to Heaven Matches, Steel Cage Matches & Elimination Chamber Matches! This is just another thing for Team Ireland to succeed at. When this match is over Malafalla will know once & for all... what?
Aidan, Sean & O'Hare: YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THE IRISH!
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