Totally agree when it comes to hip and trendy clubs. I absolutely despise clubs. If I'm going out for beer, I'll find myself a nice little pub, where it's actually possible to have conversations without yelling at each other. Besides, I don't fit in most places that people flock to. I'm more of a laid back kind of guy, you know.
List first, wall of text after.
- I broke my left arm twice. Two years in a row. On the same date.
- The year after that, I got my self a concussion, a arm that may have been broken (I never bothered getting it checked out), a messed up knee and much more. This wasn't on the 16th, but on the 11th.
- The year after that, on my way home from one of those "get to know your classmates" deals, I crashed into a wall with my bicycle, and broke a tooth, got a concussion, had my shoulder out of socket and again a terribly messed up knee.
- Brings me to the fact that I have a serious problem accepting help of any kind. With my arm broken and a probable concussion, I finished the first class at school before I decided I wanted to go home. So I took my bike and rode it all the way home. Ever tried doing that when your arm isn't in one piece?
- And to be honest, I can't say I hate being in pain.
- My closest friends know I'm messed up like that. That being said, they pretty much know me as well as they can be allowed to
- Speaking of friends. I've had two male friends, who by all accounts are straight, saying they want me. One of them has a girlfriend, and then this one day we were hanging out, he admits to being a little bisexual. Out of the blue. He follows this with admitting to have performed oral sex on a guy, and then proceeds to suggest we to get it on.
- I turned him down. For the record.
- Staying on the subject of gayness, I'm more or less openly bisexual myself. So is my best friend. Which of course leads to people (friends, random people on the street) thinking we're more than friends.
- Which is not the case. Just to get that out there. But, we are close. Perhaps a tad closer than most friends are, and we've had our "moments" when properly unhinged on recreational drugs, but we've never gone further than tounge wrestling from time to time. Except that one time...
- I have never had a girlfriend. I've had relations, but I've never been in a relationship. At this point in my life, I doubt I could manage one.
- I'm not really a very good person at all. I lie to get things my way, I steal from time to time, I earn people's trust and use it for my gain... not to say I'm not a good friend, because I am most of the time, and I probably care too much about the people I actually care about, but if you're not a part of that group, you're likely to be used.
- Continuing the trend of stuff I'm not really proud of, I have a tendency to urinate where I really shouldn't. Worth mentioning are several trash cans, like one inside a fast food place, and one on a train. The worst of the bunch is probably the time I took a leak outside the door of a public bathtroom because I was pissed it was locked.
- And on it goies. I've taken near lethal doses of various stuff, been hospitalized on more than one occasion, and I really should have been dead more than a few times.
- I've talked people out of killing themselves more than a couple of times, and in general, I've helped friends and even people I barely know through tough times because I usually know what to say and when to say it.
- With that said, it's been a few times that my best friend's mom has called me and asked me to come over if he's come home really messed up. I'm pretty much the only person that can calm him down, and if I can't, I don't care if he hits me. I'll just hit him back, and that usually shuts him up.
- Which reminds me of one time the two of us were out drinking, and after going through a bottle of vodka and massive amounts of beer, we started arguing. It got more and more violent, and we ended up physically beating each other up all the way down one of the main streets of Oslo. Several people tried to butt in, and most them wanted to help me kick his ass, but they were all rejected. This was our fight, damnit.
- Moving on, let's talk about Bob Dylan. One of my absolute all time favorite artists... I've seen him live three times, and here's where the honesty kicks in: Quite frankly, he's an awful live perfomer these days. I don't care what people say, he's just not that good live anymore. Not to say I didn't enjoy him, but the enjoyment came more from the fact that it was FREAKING BOB DYLAN, and less from the brilliance of his performance.
- I've never seen any of the Godfather movies, nor have I seen any of the Indiana Jones films. As for Star Wars? Nah. I've seen a huge amount of movies, and alot of obscure stuff, but some of the supposed classics, I just haven't gotten around to.
- But, I have seen Lucker: The Necrophagus, and that's something special. Yes, it sucks, but it still has a dutch guy having sex with a decomposing corpse.
- No. I wasn't turned on.
- I have more than a couple of traffic signs in my room. I have no idea how they got here.
- Actually touching on the subject of wrestling, I have a very laid back relationship to it, and I really can't get myself to be pissed off at anything that may happen or not happen. I tend to ignore or fast forward what I don't want to watch, and enjoy what I do want to watch.
- Which brings me to my absolute hatred of smarks. And I know some of you will claim that we're all smarks just for being members of this forum, but I won't agree. When I say smark, I mean people who act like, say, Scott Keith.
- And speaking of that fat turd, I really can't stand the way he and many others write. You know what I'm talking about. The style where they use their own little catch phrases, insane amounts of repetition because it's cool, writing certain words or sentences in ALL CAPS because that INSTANTLY MAKES IT FUNNY, constant complaining about certain wrestlers/announcers/other TV personalities. Like Keith, who would make lame jokes about the Undertaker and his penis all the time, always attacking him, while ejaculating in his pants over anyone even remotely Canadian. These days, I usually read TV reports on 411mania when I don't care to watch the shows myself, and some of the writers simply annoy the hell out of me.
- Which actually reminded me how much I hate movie reviews where the writer hasn't figured out that a review isn't supposed to be a damn recap of the whole thing. I really don't ever want to read some witty asswipe's recap of any film, because more often than not, it ends up being more about the writer jerking off to his own witty remarks and ALL CAPS FUNNAY REPETITIONS than it is about the movie and its quality. Why is it that every single person on the face of the earth all of a sudden thinks they can review movies? And why do they have to do it like this? It's painful. LIKE A KICK TO THE BALLS!
-When I get bored, I have this sad tendency to start something, get lost on my way, and it all ends up missing the point. I tend to go on.
As for being very honest...
Twenty years into my life, and I've accomplished more or less nothing. I've dropped out of school, held exactly one job (which I kept for a few months before I got sick of it) and in general done nothing much that's really worth doing. It's not even something that really needs to be said, but boy, do I feel like a failure.
For a few years I had almost no social relations at all, outside of school hours. In the meantime, my mom got into drinking more and more, and my dad moved in with his new girlfriend.
In 2004, I finally had enough of living with my mom, and had no choice but to move out. And thus, I ended up with my dad, his girlfriend and their kid. They would go on to have one more too.
To make a long story short; I never felt like I was welcome here, and I still don't. Fours years have passed, and I still feel like a guest in my own home. As a result, I tend to spend as little time here as humanly possible. I think the last time I sat down and ate dinner with these people were about two years ago.
I kept on not having any social life for a while too, untill I started school again in 2005. I made the decision to not hate every single person on the earth, and actually made some friends. Three years later, I have pretty good social circle. Also, three years later, I'm still not finished with school, and most likely never will. Three years later I've developed a bad drug habit, and I'm sad to say I've lead more than a few people down the same road.
At this point, I've been stoned constantly for a little over three years, and I'm starting to run out of things I haven't done. To be honest, and that is what this thread is about isn't it, the only reason I've not smurfed myself more up on speed is the fact that the two people I spend the most time with can't stand it when I'm "on". They smoke cannabis, and that's it. As a result, I've at least managed to calm down a bit.
Not to say I don't still have friends willing to do harder drugs, but I just don't get to see them that much. My best friend is just as bad as me, but he's been stuck at a private school, and as a result, he's not available much of the time.
So, to sum up, I'm currently unemployed, not in school, I have no ambitions, I have nothing to look forward to and my life is pretty much all about finding a way to afford some sort of high on a daily basis. I do have other interests, like music... and movies... and videogames... and... wrestling, but these days I don't watch movies unless I'm at least stoned. I listen to alot of music, but it never feels the same sober as it does with the system full of amphetamines...
So. Being honest.
I've messed up. I'm not an idiot by any means, and could have been on my way to being something other than "that smurfed up kid". Instead, I can proudly claim to have tried everything from acid to heroin (a one time deal, but you know...)... I can "brag" about doing alot of dumb things (smashing up my powerbook for one)... and I can tell you all about the unstable state of my mental health.
That's about as honest as I'm going to get.
... I'm also kind of a motormouth. I just don't shut up. Out there in the real world, at least people can tell me to do so, or just slap me, but it doesn't really work like that online, now does it?