Post by angryfan on Jan 7, 2008 3:19:01 GMT -5
Well, here we go. Figured I'd do somethign special for the 7,000th post. Enjoy.
(Scene opens with HHH and Steph talking in a small room in the Titan Towers)
Steph: So, you’re up for this?
HHH: Look, I guess so, but explain it again, okay?
Steph: Fine. We need a new Smackdown commentator, since Coach is just filling in, and I want your help on this.
HHH: Smack Down? But why? I’m a RAW guy. Hell, I barely pay attention to that show, anyway. Aren’t there any cruiserweights you can use?
(Steph satares blankly)
HHH: What? What’d I do now?
Steph: Don’t worry, it’s not you, but what’s a cruiserweight again?
HHH: The little guys you let me squash when you make me go to a taping.
Steph: Midgets?
HHH: Bigger, and with more flipping.
Steph: Oh, right! Okay, sorry. Anyway, no, I want you in on this, because it’s important.
HHH: I don’t know, this is taking away from Days, and you know how important that is to me.
Steph: Why won’t you just listen to me and Tivo it?
HHH: I do, but it’s not the same.
Steph: Look, please, Hunter, just help me on this, and I’ll make it worth your while. (she winks)
HHH: You mean -
Steph: Yes, I do.
HHH: (begins to jump up and down excitedly) Oh boy! Oh boy, oh boy! I get to squash EVERYBODY, this is gonna be awesome! First I’ll have some cruiserweights, and -
Steph: Hunter.
HHH: And then, maybe the Hardys, because that’s always fun, and
Steph: (a bit louder) Hunter.
HHH: And then, I’ll finish up with Orton, and Umaga. Maybe Vince’ll bring back the Mounties so I can –
Steph: HUNTER!
HHH: (glaring) WHAT?
Steph: I was talking about sex, damn it, not squashing the roster!
HHH: (sulking) But that’s not nearly as fun. Do I at least get out of cleaning the gutters this year?
Steph: (sighing loudly) Fine, no gutters. (she storms off mumbling about men, slamming the door behind her)
(Flair and Sledgie enter, wearing matching robes)
HHH: Well, looks like we’ve got a job today. We get to help with the announcer try-outs.
Flair: Woooo!
HHH: No, we’re not going to interview David Crockett.
Flair: (relieved) Woo.
(HHH, Flair, and Sledgie take seats by a two-way mirror and grab popcorn)
HHH: (hitting the intercom button) We’re ready.
Steph: (from her position next to the announce desk) Allright, and remember, be objective.
HHH: When haven’t I been?
Steph: Hunter.
HHH: Fine, fine, we’ll be objective (makes quote fingers)
Steph: (hitting another button) OK, Cole, come on in.
(Michael Cole enters apprehensively)
Cole: I’m not fired, right?
Steph: Of course not, we just need your help to find you a broadcast partner.
Cole: Not a problem, I’d be happy to help. I’m so happy to help, why I –
Steph: (cutting him off) Just sit over there. (she points to the announce desk)
(Coel sits and Steph hits another button)
Steph: Send in the first interview, please.
(the door opens and Ahmed Johnson enters)
Steph: Welcome back, please have a seat at the announce desk.
(Ahmed sits next to Cole)
Steph: Whenever you’re ready, guys.
(a match between Batista and Rey appears on a large monitor)
Cole: Look at the heart, the determination, the pure guts from Rey! Oh my!
Ahmed: Water Chew Fell waffle oilrig!
Cole: Exactly! It’s just like…wait, what was that?
Ahmed: Ice head water chew fell waffle oilrig!
HHH: (to Flair and Sledgie) Okay, ideas?
Flair: Wooo?
(Sledgie as always says nothing, but tips back in the chair)
HHH: You’re sure? I’m pretty sure he said something about Meritt Stone.
(Slegie tips to the left slightly)
HHH: How the hell would you know? You’re not old enough to remember him.
Flair: Woo.
HHH: I know I’m not either, but that’s not the point!
Steph: (to Ahmed) OK, guys, just continue, please? Turn on the monitor.
Cole: Not a problem, lemme just – hey wait a second!
Steph: What?
Cole: Where the hell’s the monitor?
Steph: It’s right over…hey! Ahmed, do you know anything about…where’d he go?
(Cole and Steph look around but find only an empty chair and a few screws where the monitor was)
HHH: (hitting the intercom button) I haven’t seen a quick exit like that since Nailz.
(the ghost of Gorilla Monsoon appears next to him)
Gorilla: Will you stop?
(he disappears)
Steph: Well, that was just wonderful. (hitting the intercom) Next interview please, and would someone please bring in a new monitor?
(the door opens and Matt Stryker enters wheeling a cart loaded with a VCR and a small television set)
Steph: That’s it, that’s all we have?
Styker: It happens to be a fine machine, Ms McMahon. Now, if you’ll just remember to return it to the AV room when you’re finished, please?
Steph: Fine, just go.
(Stryker exits and Warrior, in full facepaint and tassels, enters, sprinting to the announce desk some 10 feet away, collapsing into a chair)
Steph: Whenever you’re ready. (she hits the play button on the VCR, bringing up an Edge match)
Cole: That dastardly Edgie, cheating at every chance he gets! Not this way, NOT THIS WAY!
(Edge hits his finisher)
Warrior: Spearin’ don’t make the world work!
Cole: Finally, someone who agrees with me!
Warrior: (staring at his hands and shaking) The stars are aligned, deep in the Grimlap system, with the blood of 10,000 beings and the power (snort) of the warriors rising from the ashes of oblivion!
(Cole and Steph stare in horror and absolute confusion)
HHH: This is fantastic! He makes less sense then Dusty Rhodes in the cruiserweight divison. (over the intercom) He’s hired!
Warrior: (oblivious to anything else going on, he begins to wander aimlessly through the room) With the glory of the ancestral wildebeests, and the magnificent coldcuts, the warrior will rise and conquer the evil pickle spears! (he wanders out the door and it is slammed behind him by Steph)
Steph: (to HHH) We are NOT hiring him! No way, no how, it will NOT happen. Do you have any idea how angry CW would be with us?
HHH: Like it’d be any worse than Moesha reruns?
Steph: That’s beside the point! (hitting the other intercom button) NEXT!
(Iron Sheik enters and calmly sits at the desk)
Steph: Glad you could make it, Sheik, are you ready?
Sheik: Oh, Ms Stephanie, you ask excellent, excellent question. The Iron Sheik, the rare champween always ready. Thanks to the God and Jesus, and Mr McMahon, and the excellent excellent fans fo the Wurld!
(Gerald Briscoe appears in an evening gown for some reason)
Gerry: That’s Mr Mac-Mayun!
Steph: Gerry! Out!
(Briscoe departs)
HHH: What the hell was THAT?
Flair: Woo?
HHH: That was way more than a midlife crisis, that was, it…it was…
(Ron Simmons pops up from a bucket of popcorn) DAMN! (he departs)
HHH: Yeah, that covers it.
Steph: Allright, let’s get started, shall we? (she hits the play button again, and a match begins)
Cole: You know, I don’t know what Edge did to get these young guys, this Rated Rmy, on his side, but it just makes me sick.
Sheik: The Edge, he make me sick, he is a no good sonofabitch, punk. I get him, I put him in the camel clutch, make him huble, old country way!
Cole: Well, that might be a little much.
Sheik: It’s not much, it’s rale, I am the Sheikybaby, I am the 42 time AAU state of Minnesota DoubluDoubleheffe Chamween! I –
(Steph cuts his mic)
Steph: Thank you, Sheik, we’ll be in touch.
Sheik: Thank you, you are excellent person. (he departs)
Steph: (looking at her sheet) Well, small turnout, looks like we’ve got one more to go. You ready for this, Michael?
Cole: I’m a professional, Stephanie, I’m always ready.
Steph: You’re sure?
Cole: Of course, why wouldn’t I be?
Steph: (hits the intercom) You guys ready in there?
HHH: Ready and waiting.
Steph: (hitting the other button) Next please?
(music begins playing over a speaker in the room Hei-Den-Reich)
Cole: Oh God.
HHH: (bursting through the two way mirror into the larger room) Oh yeah!
JBl: (entering the room with Flair and Sledgie and hands out beers) BALLGAME!
(Cole hides under the desk as Heidenreich enters, wearing the LOD shoulderpads)
Cole: (from under the desk) Not this way, oh God, no NOT THIS WAY!
(Cole runs from under the desk and exits the room at top speed)
Heidenreich: What was that all about?
HHH: You know Cole, he’s a nervous type.
Heidenreich: All I wanted to do was read a poem…by Heidenreich.
(Lannny Poffo drops in from the ceiling)
Poffo: I love poems! (he begins throwing Frisbees randomly)
Steph: So do I, but, unfortunately, with Cole gone, we really can’t –
(Mark Henry bursts into the room, chasing five members of the Juniors Division. They run through the room and exit through a door on the other side)
HHH: That may be the most disturbing game of Pacman I’ve ever seen.
(Pacman Jones enters)
Pacman: Somebody call me? (he begins throwing money)
Steph: No, we didn’t. (She leans to pick up one of the bills)
Jones: (pulling a gun) Don’t touch that! (he grabs the money and departs)
Steph: Like I was saying, I guess we’re done, and we’ll just stick with Coach:
Coach: (from inside another room nearby) YAY!
HHH: Shut up, Coach!
Coach: Right. (he goes silent)
Steph: Still, I wish there was some –
Flair: (staggering through the hole in the wall Trips made, sans robe, clad only in boxer shorts, and bleeding profusely from the forehead) Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (he begins to strut)
Steph: Who the hell gave him alcohol!
JBL: (next to Flair) That would be me, a true wrestling GOD!
(Vince runs in and rolls up JBL)
Vince: Count, damn it!
(Tim White appears in his ref gear and makes a fast 3 count)
Vince: I did it, I DID IT! (he departs triumphantly)
Matthews: Are you sure that was wise, Mr White?
White: It pays the bills, kid. J
Matthews: Paying bills is always wise.
Flair: (now more intoxicated) Wooooooooooooooo! Woo! Woo! Woooooooooooooooooooo! (he flair flops and rolls onto his back, making air angles, and Sledgie falls on top of him. White drops down and makes yet another three count)
HHH: Wait a second, what was THAT?
(Sledgie as always says nothing)
HHH: That’s complete crap! He beats me over and over, and now he beats Naitch, too?
Flair: (shrugs, still on the floor) Woo.
HHH: This can’t possibly count!
Steph: Sorry, Hunter, those are the rules. Besides, he lost to a young, up and coming star, a proven champion.
Matthews: Putting over young talent is always wise!
HHH: Shut up Matthews: (he Pedigrees Josh into the floor)
Steph: He makes a good point, Hunter. Matter of fact, I want you to go out on Monday and make Jeff Hardy look good.
(Hardy pops out of the ceiling where Poffo dropped in earlier)
Hardy: That’ll be extreme!
HHH: But –
Steph: No buts.
HHH: DAMN IT!
(Scene opens with HHH and Steph talking in a small room in the Titan Towers)
Steph: So, you’re up for this?
HHH: Look, I guess so, but explain it again, okay?
Steph: Fine. We need a new Smackdown commentator, since Coach is just filling in, and I want your help on this.
HHH: Smack Down? But why? I’m a RAW guy. Hell, I barely pay attention to that show, anyway. Aren’t there any cruiserweights you can use?
(Steph satares blankly)
HHH: What? What’d I do now?
Steph: Don’t worry, it’s not you, but what’s a cruiserweight again?
HHH: The little guys you let me squash when you make me go to a taping.
Steph: Midgets?
HHH: Bigger, and with more flipping.
Steph: Oh, right! Okay, sorry. Anyway, no, I want you in on this, because it’s important.
HHH: I don’t know, this is taking away from Days, and you know how important that is to me.
Steph: Why won’t you just listen to me and Tivo it?
HHH: I do, but it’s not the same.
Steph: Look, please, Hunter, just help me on this, and I’ll make it worth your while. (she winks)
HHH: You mean -
Steph: Yes, I do.
HHH: (begins to jump up and down excitedly) Oh boy! Oh boy, oh boy! I get to squash EVERYBODY, this is gonna be awesome! First I’ll have some cruiserweights, and -
Steph: Hunter.
HHH: And then, maybe the Hardys, because that’s always fun, and
Steph: (a bit louder) Hunter.
HHH: And then, I’ll finish up with Orton, and Umaga. Maybe Vince’ll bring back the Mounties so I can –
Steph: HUNTER!
HHH: (glaring) WHAT?
Steph: I was talking about sex, damn it, not squashing the roster!
HHH: (sulking) But that’s not nearly as fun. Do I at least get out of cleaning the gutters this year?
Steph: (sighing loudly) Fine, no gutters. (she storms off mumbling about men, slamming the door behind her)
(Flair and Sledgie enter, wearing matching robes)
HHH: Well, looks like we’ve got a job today. We get to help with the announcer try-outs.
Flair: Woooo!
HHH: No, we’re not going to interview David Crockett.
Flair: (relieved) Woo.
(HHH, Flair, and Sledgie take seats by a two-way mirror and grab popcorn)
HHH: (hitting the intercom button) We’re ready.
Steph: (from her position next to the announce desk) Allright, and remember, be objective.
HHH: When haven’t I been?
Steph: Hunter.
HHH: Fine, fine, we’ll be objective (makes quote fingers)
Steph: (hitting another button) OK, Cole, come on in.
(Michael Cole enters apprehensively)
Cole: I’m not fired, right?
Steph: Of course not, we just need your help to find you a broadcast partner.
Cole: Not a problem, I’d be happy to help. I’m so happy to help, why I –
Steph: (cutting him off) Just sit over there. (she points to the announce desk)
(Coel sits and Steph hits another button)
Steph: Send in the first interview, please.
(the door opens and Ahmed Johnson enters)
Steph: Welcome back, please have a seat at the announce desk.
(Ahmed sits next to Cole)
Steph: Whenever you’re ready, guys.
(a match between Batista and Rey appears on a large monitor)
Cole: Look at the heart, the determination, the pure guts from Rey! Oh my!
Ahmed: Water Chew Fell waffle oilrig!
Cole: Exactly! It’s just like…wait, what was that?
Ahmed: Ice head water chew fell waffle oilrig!
HHH: (to Flair and Sledgie) Okay, ideas?
Flair: Wooo?
(Sledgie as always says nothing, but tips back in the chair)
HHH: You’re sure? I’m pretty sure he said something about Meritt Stone.
(Slegie tips to the left slightly)
HHH: How the hell would you know? You’re not old enough to remember him.
Flair: Woo.
HHH: I know I’m not either, but that’s not the point!
Steph: (to Ahmed) OK, guys, just continue, please? Turn on the monitor.
Cole: Not a problem, lemme just – hey wait a second!
Steph: What?
Cole: Where the hell’s the monitor?
Steph: It’s right over…hey! Ahmed, do you know anything about…where’d he go?
(Cole and Steph look around but find only an empty chair and a few screws where the monitor was)
HHH: (hitting the intercom button) I haven’t seen a quick exit like that since Nailz.
(the ghost of Gorilla Monsoon appears next to him)
Gorilla: Will you stop?
(he disappears)
Steph: Well, that was just wonderful. (hitting the intercom) Next interview please, and would someone please bring in a new monitor?
(the door opens and Matt Stryker enters wheeling a cart loaded with a VCR and a small television set)
Steph: That’s it, that’s all we have?
Styker: It happens to be a fine machine, Ms McMahon. Now, if you’ll just remember to return it to the AV room when you’re finished, please?
Steph: Fine, just go.
(Stryker exits and Warrior, in full facepaint and tassels, enters, sprinting to the announce desk some 10 feet away, collapsing into a chair)
Steph: Whenever you’re ready. (she hits the play button on the VCR, bringing up an Edge match)
Cole: That dastardly Edgie, cheating at every chance he gets! Not this way, NOT THIS WAY!
(Edge hits his finisher)
Warrior: Spearin’ don’t make the world work!
Cole: Finally, someone who agrees with me!
Warrior: (staring at his hands and shaking) The stars are aligned, deep in the Grimlap system, with the blood of 10,000 beings and the power (snort) of the warriors rising from the ashes of oblivion!
(Cole and Steph stare in horror and absolute confusion)
HHH: This is fantastic! He makes less sense then Dusty Rhodes in the cruiserweight divison. (over the intercom) He’s hired!
Warrior: (oblivious to anything else going on, he begins to wander aimlessly through the room) With the glory of the ancestral wildebeests, and the magnificent coldcuts, the warrior will rise and conquer the evil pickle spears! (he wanders out the door and it is slammed behind him by Steph)
Steph: (to HHH) We are NOT hiring him! No way, no how, it will NOT happen. Do you have any idea how angry CW would be with us?
HHH: Like it’d be any worse than Moesha reruns?
Steph: That’s beside the point! (hitting the other intercom button) NEXT!
(Iron Sheik enters and calmly sits at the desk)
Steph: Glad you could make it, Sheik, are you ready?
Sheik: Oh, Ms Stephanie, you ask excellent, excellent question. The Iron Sheik, the rare champween always ready. Thanks to the God and Jesus, and Mr McMahon, and the excellent excellent fans fo the Wurld!
(Gerald Briscoe appears in an evening gown for some reason)
Gerry: That’s Mr Mac-Mayun!
Steph: Gerry! Out!
(Briscoe departs)
HHH: What the hell was THAT?
Flair: Woo?
HHH: That was way more than a midlife crisis, that was, it…it was…
(Ron Simmons pops up from a bucket of popcorn) DAMN! (he departs)
HHH: Yeah, that covers it.
Steph: Allright, let’s get started, shall we? (she hits the play button again, and a match begins)
Cole: You know, I don’t know what Edge did to get these young guys, this Rated Rmy, on his side, but it just makes me sick.
Sheik: The Edge, he make me sick, he is a no good sonofabitch, punk. I get him, I put him in the camel clutch, make him huble, old country way!
Cole: Well, that might be a little much.
Sheik: It’s not much, it’s rale, I am the Sheikybaby, I am the 42 time AAU state of Minnesota DoubluDoubleheffe Chamween! I –
(Steph cuts his mic)
Steph: Thank you, Sheik, we’ll be in touch.
Sheik: Thank you, you are excellent person. (he departs)
Steph: (looking at her sheet) Well, small turnout, looks like we’ve got one more to go. You ready for this, Michael?
Cole: I’m a professional, Stephanie, I’m always ready.
Steph: You’re sure?
Cole: Of course, why wouldn’t I be?
Steph: (hits the intercom) You guys ready in there?
HHH: Ready and waiting.
Steph: (hitting the other button) Next please?
(music begins playing over a speaker in the room Hei-Den-Reich)
Cole: Oh God.
HHH: (bursting through the two way mirror into the larger room) Oh yeah!
JBl: (entering the room with Flair and Sledgie and hands out beers) BALLGAME!
(Cole hides under the desk as Heidenreich enters, wearing the LOD shoulderpads)
Cole: (from under the desk) Not this way, oh God, no NOT THIS WAY!
(Cole runs from under the desk and exits the room at top speed)
Heidenreich: What was that all about?
HHH: You know Cole, he’s a nervous type.
Heidenreich: All I wanted to do was read a poem…by Heidenreich.
(Lannny Poffo drops in from the ceiling)
Poffo: I love poems! (he begins throwing Frisbees randomly)
Steph: So do I, but, unfortunately, with Cole gone, we really can’t –
(Mark Henry bursts into the room, chasing five members of the Juniors Division. They run through the room and exit through a door on the other side)
HHH: That may be the most disturbing game of Pacman I’ve ever seen.
(Pacman Jones enters)
Pacman: Somebody call me? (he begins throwing money)
Steph: No, we didn’t. (She leans to pick up one of the bills)
Jones: (pulling a gun) Don’t touch that! (he grabs the money and departs)
Steph: Like I was saying, I guess we’re done, and we’ll just stick with Coach:
Coach: (from inside another room nearby) YAY!
HHH: Shut up, Coach!
Coach: Right. (he goes silent)
Steph: Still, I wish there was some –
Flair: (staggering through the hole in the wall Trips made, sans robe, clad only in boxer shorts, and bleeding profusely from the forehead) Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (he begins to strut)
Steph: Who the hell gave him alcohol!
JBL: (next to Flair) That would be me, a true wrestling GOD!
(Vince runs in and rolls up JBL)
Vince: Count, damn it!
(Tim White appears in his ref gear and makes a fast 3 count)
Vince: I did it, I DID IT! (he departs triumphantly)
Matthews: Are you sure that was wise, Mr White?
White: It pays the bills, kid. J
Matthews: Paying bills is always wise.
Flair: (now more intoxicated) Wooooooooooooooo! Woo! Woo! Woooooooooooooooooooo! (he flair flops and rolls onto his back, making air angles, and Sledgie falls on top of him. White drops down and makes yet another three count)
HHH: Wait a second, what was THAT?
(Sledgie as always says nothing)
HHH: That’s complete crap! He beats me over and over, and now he beats Naitch, too?
Flair: (shrugs, still on the floor) Woo.
HHH: This can’t possibly count!
Steph: Sorry, Hunter, those are the rules. Besides, he lost to a young, up and coming star, a proven champion.
Matthews: Putting over young talent is always wise!
HHH: Shut up Matthews: (he Pedigrees Josh into the floor)
Steph: He makes a good point, Hunter. Matter of fact, I want you to go out on Monday and make Jeff Hardy look good.
(Hardy pops out of the ceiling where Poffo dropped in earlier)
Hardy: That’ll be extreme!
HHH: But –
Steph: No buts.
HHH: DAMN IT!
helped $lim jinx NXT. Woops
