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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Jan 3, 2006 10:39:58 GMT -5
(Terri is walking backstage with a mic in her hand. She stops at a dressing room door with a star on it with "HBMS" etched in it. She turns and addresses the camera.)
Terri: "Hi everyone. Terri here for EWT TV. Not long ago you saw the newly formed tag team, The Handsome Boy Modeling School, defeat the British Bulldogs in their debut. Let's hear from Billy and Ultimo about their thoughts about their future in the EWT."
(Terri walks into the room and standing there are UC, Billy, and Moniqua. UC is decked out in a blue and white striped dress shirt and designer jeans. Billy has one his trademark leather jacket and sunglasses. Moniqua is Moniqua, high maintenance and with Fru Fru in tow. UC turns and greets his bestest buddy in the world.)
UC: "Terri! Finally! An interviewer who knows the score! I hate to talk about people who aren't here but that Josh Matthews SUCKS! Whatta schmuck! I'm glad you could make it to cover the sexiest thing around these parts."
Terri: "Not a problem. After all, you did request that I do your interview or else, and I quote, "we will walk out of this shabby operation". What's that about?"
UC: "Handsome Boy Modeling School Rule #2. Always make everyone give in to your demands. We are the stars around here so we should get the preferential treatment. Right Moniqua?"
Moniqua: "Si, Signore Chocula. Ciao, Theresa! It is wonderful to see you again!"
(Moniqua walks up to Terri and gives her the double cheek kiss. Fru Fru starts sniffing at Terri's cleavage then cowers.)
Fru Fru: "Yipe! Yipe!"
Terri: "Hey! What's the big idea?"
Moniqua: "I see Fru Fru is still a little frightened of your bosoms, Theresa. Didn't we have a talk about that?"
Billy: "I don't see a problem with her breasts. I noticed 'em when she walked into the room. Very nice. (becomes flustered) I mean, I wasn't staring or anything. I was just.....um.....admiring the way her........sweater fits! Yeah, that's the ticket."
Terri: "Yeah, right. And Randy Orton has talent. Eyes up here, cowboy!"
UC: (starts laughing) "Ah snap! She got you there, Billy!"
Moniqua: "Handsome boys do not yell this "Snap!" When you hear a joke you must laugh more dignified. Like this. (let's out a stuffy giggle) 'Oh that was quite humorous.' You see? That is how handsome boys must do it."
Terri: "Riiiiiiight. Before I lose track of this interview altogether, Moniqua, the HBMS looked very good in their debut victory over the British Bulldogs. Is this what the EWT tag team scene has in store for in the future?"
Moniqua: "Of course, darling. The uncouth swine that make up the tag team division are no match for my boys. In fact, they should all be required to take a shower before they step into the rings. The thought that these barbarians should dirty up my boys is dreadful. I won't stand for it. I will make the demand that all HBMS should bathe before the match. If not then....."
Terri: "You'll walk out of this shabby operation right?"
Moniqua: "Si, Theresa. HBMS Rule Number Two. You learn quickly. But it is rude to interrupt. You need to do something about that before I accept you into my modeling school."
Terri: "I thought it was just for men."
UC: "Don't read anything into it. It's just a name."
Terri: "I see. You know, Ultimo. You clean up very nicely. Three weeks ago you were stealing your clothes from Burger King employee's lockers now you're wearing $2000 suits. This is a big change for you."
UC: "Yeah, I'm hotter than five enchiladas. But rest assured that I'll still be laying out beat downs to every broken down jobber that thinks he can step up. The fans, the championship committee, the other guys in the back. They never wanted to admit that I was the biggest thing to hit the EWT since the elbow pad. They were always bagging on me every chance they get. Well bag on this, beezo! With Moniqua and Billy, ain't nobody gonna stop this train! And ain't nobody gonna look better than me as I do it! Hoo ha!"
Terri: "I hope your high school English teacher wasn't listening to that last sentence. Billy, or William, whichever. You've been a big draw in the EWT for a long time. How has being involved with the HBMS helped you become even bigger?"
Billy: "Isn't it obvious? I'm stylin'! I'm suave! I'm so handsome it's almost painful! Ok, yeah, I was already top dog in the EWT. I was the best Tri State champion ever to hold the belt. Ever! I've been in the top three ranked wrestlers in this promotion for so long I'm practically a legend now! But of course, nobody wants to give me a chance because, god forbid, a virgin should win the World Title! What's the big deal? So I haven't had sex? Does that mean I'll make any less of a World Champion? No! And it doesn't matter anyway. Now that I've been made over into this love magnet you see before you they won't have to worry about having a virgin as World Champion, cuz my virginity is going to come to a close real soon!"
Terri: "So you're going to lose your virginity before January 8th? Wow. Who is she?
Billy: "Um....Terri.....let's not bring up the.....you know what."
Terri: "What? You mean the Survival Cage?"
Billy & Moniqua: "SSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!"
UC: "What? What are you guys talking about?"
Moniqua: "It's nothing, darling. Theresa was just making a joke. Now show me how a handsome boy laughs. Just like a taught you."
Terri: "What joke? Everybody knows that Billy has a World Title shot against five other guys at the PPV on the 8th."
UC: "Whoa! Erch! Back up the truck! You got a title shot? How in the hell?"
Billy: "Well, you see.....it's all very.....complicated."
UC: "Complicated? How complicated can it be?"
Terri: "Didn't you hear? Toomi put up a sign up sheet for a special match against Moxie and four other men for the World Title. It was open for everybody. You could have signed up for it too. Surely someone told you about it."
UC: (Glaring at Billy and Moniqua and speaking through clenched teeth) "No. I was unaware."
Moniqua: "Now, Signore Chocula. Don't get upset. There's a very good reason why we didn't tell you."
UC: "Oh yeah? Why's that?"
Moniqua: "It's because.........William.......is a better wrestler than you."
(At this point UC launches into a vulgar tirade that cannot be printed here. Use your own filthy imagination. Billy and Moniqua shutter at the verbal abuse they're getting. Fru Fru shivers in fear and huddles in Moniqua's arms. Terri.........Terri is used to this so she's cool. Finally UC is finished screaming and he collapses on a couch.)
UC: ".............*BEEP!*...........and one to grow on."
Terri: "I can't believe you guys didn't tell him. Some friends you are."
Billy: "Look, I'm sorry we didn't tell you but we can't both be in the Survival Cage. It's just Moniqua feels that I have a better chance to take the World Title. It's for us, man! This is for the HBMS! This is just the thing that will give us the edge over every guy in the locker room! This will give us all the power in the EWT! You see what I'm saying here?"
UC: "No, cuz right now I'm thinking of stuffing your head in toilet with one of Big Show's floaters in it."
Moniqua: "That's enough. Signore Chocula, you agreed that when you joined the HBMS you follow my instructions! This is for your own good! Until you can show that you are a handsome boy that does not make references to fecal matter you will not receive a title shot! Understood?"
UC: "Grumble..........grumble."
Terri: "That means yes."
Moniqua: "Fine then. Now boys, there's a runway in New York that requires our presence. Grab your bags and prepare yourselves to look fabulous."
Terri: "On that note, I'm out of here. This has been Terri for EWT."
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Post by crauswell on Jan 3, 2006 10:56:59 GMT -5
Crauswelll just happens to walk by the HBMS, eying the so called Fru Fru a bit... with a rather lusty look behind the eyeholes in his mask... when suddenly, Rodd Pissem walks by as well and notices him doing so.
Rodd: Awww... sick dude!!!
Crauswell turns around immediately and eyes Todd.
Crauswell: What? WHAT?! Is it not... normal for a furry to admire a canine? No... you think that all we want to do with animals is rape them.
Rodd: Actually I was staring at your ring attire... man does that look stupid! I mean... who told you dressing like an Eagle... with a tail would get you noticed around here?
Crauswell grabs Pissem by the neck and lifts him up.
Crauswell: I AM A GRYPHON!!! Not an eagle... not a sparrow... not a hummingbird... a DAMN GRYPHON!!! You intolerant people make me sick... unable to tell the difference between species. I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't understand you were a human.
Rodd is choking as Crauswell tightens his grip... causing him to flail around wildly.
Crauswell: Now... what am I?
Rodd:.... Ack... a Gryphon...
Crauswell nods and drops Pissem onto the ground. He dusts himself off a bit and walks off...
Fade to commercial.
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Post by Joel, Mike, Currently...? on Jan 3, 2006 12:18:49 GMT -5
Joel and Mike catch the match board.
Joel: Uh...whoops.
Mike: Sorry. About that.
Joel: Well, no matter, right? Next week, we return, and next week, we'll debut the most AWESOMELY AMAZING DEVASTATING TAG-TEAM MOVE IN HISTORY!
Mike: Yup!
Mike and Joel walk off, disheartened over not being a part of the match-board due to not being around last week, but hey, more time with the Gamecube, right?
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on Jan 3, 2006 12:40:35 GMT -5
<we see Moxie standing in front the EWT match board>
Moxie: Myself and HMark? Oh, they have no chance.
<Mean Gene waddles over...>
MG: Moxie! Moxie! What do you think of the--
Moxie: Shh!
MG: <speechless>
Moxie: Hear that?
MG: No...
Moxie: that's right you don't. I hear it... HMark preparing for the Survival Cage... HBH with Rosa, talking over a plan. That pissfish Billy and his virgin coalition making plans for the Survival Cage... Limey and Carla focusing on our match... and The Ragnals making the truth shock.
MG: okay...
Moxie: The point is this Gene, there's a reason why I'm the World Champion. I'm no Heavyweight jackass, Deamon and Jacola. I'm the one who will lead the liberation of the EWT. No more Hardass Toom E. No more taking s***. After the Survival Cage... After I WIN... I will lead the EWT into Days... of the New.
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Jan 3, 2006 17:58:47 GMT -5
*Limey eyes up the match board, along with Carla. Limey looks dissapointed, Carla is slightly interested.*
Limey: So. I'm up against the champ and a legend with my former "tag team partner". Dammit, is this another one of Toomi's "tag reunion" ideas?
Carla: Hey, it'll be alright, Limey! Just keep your cool, do what you need to do, and you'll be fine. You survived a few long months with Bret as tag champions, didn't you?
Limey: (Slightly sarcy) Yeah, and we barely managed to put our differences aside to beat Flex Magnificent on his own. Damn Flex...I hope Maelstrom gives him his come-uppance. Y'know, me and Bret have unfinished busines...but you're right. I'll try to be as professional as I can about this.
Carla: Well, at least I'm up against Linda Ragnal. Linda's one hell of a competitor, and I respect her...almost like a sister. I guess that's what the GND Division does to you. It makes you respect just what the women of EWT go through.
Limey: You mean, like what's happening with Rosa?
Carla: Yeah...Rosa...she and I have had bad words in the past, but it looks like she's developing her own...code of honour. It's hard to describe. You've seen the courtesy she showed Oceanic.
Limey: Well...only time will tell. In the meantime, I think I'd better get my material ready for the Best Damn Sports Show, Period. Why does that name ring a bell...
Carla: (Sharply) TNA. 2004.
Limey: ...ah. Ah well, at least I'm not Billy. I can only imagine what the poor lad'll go through speaking to Howard Stern.
Carla: (In wonder) Amen to that.
*Limey and Carla have a laugh, and then walk away from the board. We fade to a commercial.*
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Post by HMARK Center on Jan 3, 2006 18:43:37 GMT -5
<The camera shows a close up of HMark's face, hood no longer up, not giving an idea of where he might be. His brown hair is in his eyes, which have eyeliner on them>
HMark: How appropriate. My first match back in the EWT, and Toom has gone ahead and reformed the Propechy Reborn. While the faction may be long gone, the ties that bind are still alive. Perhaps I've missed out on some recent EWT history, but...heh, speaking of EWT history, Bret Michaels, long time no see, old friend. Rest assured, it will be an honor to step into the ring with you again, to once again assert my dominance. As for the Survival Cage-
<the camera suddenly pulls back, revealing that HMark is sitting on the chair next to Ellen DeGeneres' desk>
Ellen: And welcome back to the show, everyone! Today I'm joined by world famous butt-kicker and pro wrestler, HitmanMark! It's great to finally have you on the show, Mr. Mark!
HMark: Why, thank you, Ellen.
Ellen: So, not all of our viewers are familiar with your company, but you were one of the "Founding Fathers", right? So, why don't you give us an overview?
HMark: Sure. Way back in the day, Toom E. Dangerously formed the EWT to basically combat crappy professional posting. I've been with him since the beginning, basically; I actually won the first ever title match there <polite crowd applause>. We've grown by leaps and bounds since then; we even sold out Madison Square Garden awhile back. Funny thing is, though, no matter how big we get, we always come back to our home: the EWT Arena. We don't aim to leave anytime soon.
Ellen: Fan loyalty, I love it. Now I hear you're back, and aiming to be World Champ again?
HMark: Oh yeah. I just got back from some tours in Japan, as well as some American independent promotions. See, this little shindig we're throwing is called "Toomi's House Party". Dig this: six men are gonna be in a giant cage. In that giant cage will be five rings. There'll be three matches going on, with the three winners moving on to the center cage to fight for the world title. The extra ring is stocked with the kind of stuff we dream of getting for Christmas.
Ellen: Eh, say that again?
HMark: You know, chairs, light tubes, weed whackers, that kind of business. The usual. It's not really my scene, but I'll do anything to get my hands back on the title I made famous. I'll be in there with five of the best going today; funny thing is, I've been gone so long, I barely recognize some of these guys. But that's never, EVER stopped me before, and that's not about to change.
Ellen: And if you win, how many title reigns will that be for you.
HMark: Magic Number 4. I have to check with EWT historians, but that might put me in the lead for all-time title reigns.
Ellen: Then I know where I'll be with my best gal come Toomi's House Party: ploppin' down $30 for Post Per View!
HMark: We'll see you there.
<As the segment ends, HMark stands up, pulls his hood down, and vanishes, the wall of kayfabe now rebuilt>
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Post by Oceanic on Jan 3, 2006 22:38:03 GMT -5
Sum Guy: "Hello. I'm Sum Guy and I fart in Coke bottles and put the cap back on. Ladies and gentlemen, the GND division here at the EWT has really heated up lately. Carla and Rosa have put on some fantastic matches, Linda and Tanya have their hands full with Chrysta and Holly, and it looks as if my guest, Oceanic, is beginning to make a run for the GND Title. You got a big win over Rosa last week. Do you think she takes you more seriously now?"
Oceanic: "Definitely. From the first time we faced to our most recent match Rosa has improved dramatically, but so have I. The match could have went either way but I got the win. I don't think I've seen the last of Rosa either. She's really developed herself into a fantastic athlete."
Sum Guy: "Are you just saying that cuz HBH can beat you up?"
Oceanic: "Hardly. If HBH thinks he's so tough he should try to come at me face to face instead of this cheap shot garbage. But thankfully Rosa came in. I think she's really starting to get what the GND division is all about."
Sum Guy: "And that is?"
Oceanic: "Proving that women are just as good if not better than the boys."
Sum Guy: "This week you have Bertha Faye yet again. How many times is this now?"
Oceanic: "This will be number three."
Sum Guy: "Do you think three will be the magic number and she'll get the win on you?"
Oceanic: "I doubt it."
Sum Guy: "Finally, there has been a lot of talk that you may be facing Carla O. Woe for the GND title in the near future. What do you think your chances are if you get your title shot?"
Oceanic: "My chances are good but it won't be a cake walk. No way. It will be a battle. There's a reason why Carla is the champion. She's proved herself worthy of the title and has defended the belt every week. She's the pinnacle of what the GND Division stands for. I look forward to facing her. I know she'll take me to the limit, and that's just the way I like it."
Sum Guy: "I'm out of questions so I'm quitting. I'm Sum Guy and I saw Savage Garden live at Knott's Berry Farm."
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Post by Poker Joker on Jan 3, 2006 23:08:53 GMT -5
(The scene opens up with the fans in the E.W.T. arena going nuts as "High Voltage" plays over the loudspeakers. Coming down the asile is Mike Ragnal in his standard Lightning Bolt-adorned t-shirt & wrestling gear. Around his waist is his E.W.T. Tag-Team Championship tilte belt. Following close behind him is his brother, Joe Ragnal. Joe is wearing a sleveless t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Over his shoulder, also, is an E.W.T. Tag-Team Championship title belt. Mike gives the excited fans high-fives as he makes his way to the ring.)
*ANNOUNCER*: Ladies and gentlemen, the next match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 245 lbs, one-half of the E.W.T. Tag-Team Champions... MIKE RAGNAL!
(Mike and Joe step into the ring. Mike immediately takes off his t-shirt, climbs to the second rope, and tosses it out to the crowd. Meanwhile, Joe stand behind him encouraging the crowd to keep cheering. Eventually "High Voltage" stops playing, and Mike climbs off the turnbuckle. A couple seconds later, "Like A Virgin" by Madonna booms over the sound system. The cheers of the fans quickly turn to boos and taunts as Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark appears at the top of the ramp, accompanied by his tag-team partner, Ultimo Chocula and their manager, Moniqua.)
*ANNOUNCER*: And his opponent, hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota, and weighing in at 226 lbs, one-half of the "Handsome Boys Modeling School"... Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark!!!
(Billy and Ultimo make their way to the ring area, with Moniqua following behind them and walking her little dog, Fru-Fru. Billy and Ultimo are wearing matching white tiger-striped wrestling tights and designer sunglasses. Ultimo Chocula has a cocky smile on his face. He points at the ring, shouting insults at the Ragnals as he approaches. Billy, on the other hand, is wearing a confident smirk and carrying a microphone. The three people enter the ring, and immediately Billy and Ultimo get into the faces of the Ragnal brothers. The four men quickly engage in a war of words with one another, until Commissioner Toom E. Dangerously, appears on the Toomi-Tron. As the Commissioner starts talking, the four men turn to face the giant screen.)
*T.E.D.* Well, well, well! What have we here? I remember this being signed as a one-on-one match; not two-on-two. You people might recall that this is supposed to be a rematch between Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark and Mike Ragnal from their bout, last year. Since that's the case, I'd like the sides to be similar to the way they were when this match originally took place. Mike Ragnal, when you and Billy last fought, you were primarily a SINGLES wrestler. Your brother wasn't in your corner, then, and he won't be in your corner, tonight. Joe Ragnal, you are BANNED from ringside for the duration of this match.
(Mike Ragnal stares at the screen in disbelief. Joe immediately gets mad and starts pounding on a nearby turnbuckle in digust.)
*T.E.D.*: And, furthermore, if you decide to come down to ringside during this match and interfere, you and your brother will be stripped of your tag-team titles!
(Ultimo Chocula and Billy Ubermark start laughing and pointing at the Ragnals. The fans, meanwhile, boo at the Commissioner's recent words, until he starts speaking again.)
*T.E.D.*: Ultimo Chocula, I wouldn't laugh too hard if I were you. You see, when when Billy and Mike last wrestled, Billy wasn't yet part of a tag-team, either. AND he didn't have a manager at that time. Therefore, I am banning both you and Moniqua from ringside, as well.
(The crowd cheers as Ultimo Chocula and Billy Ubermark stare at the screen with shocked expressions on their faces. Ultimo Chocula suddenly starts swearing, violently, at the Toomi-Tron.)
*T.E.D.*: Ah-Ah-Ah, Ultimo Chocula! Temper, temper! Moniqua, you'd best take Chocula to the back and make sure you both stay there. Because if either of you interject yourselves into this match, I will personally suspend both Billy Ubermark and Ultimo Chocula for one month. And that means, that not only will it delay any chance they have of getting a match for the E.W.T. Tag-Team Titles, but Billy Ubermark will not able able to participate in the Survivor Cage match at Toomi's House Party II, and will thus forfiet his Heavyweight Title opportunity. And with that, gentlemen... and lady... I bid the five of you good day.
(With that, the Toomi-Tron goes dark. The crowd starts a "Get the Hell Out" chant as Ultimo Chocula continues to throw a tantrum, shouting obsanities at the Toomi-Tron. Moniqua tries to get Chocula under controll, but he doesn't leave the ring until a ref comes over and tells him that he has to leave. Begrudgingly, Ultimo Chocula steps out of the ring with Moniqua and her dog in tow. As Chocula leaves he turns he continues to shout stuff out at the fans and at the Toomi-Tron. Not far behind Chocula, Joe Ragnal follows up the ramp. Joe finally hollers something up at Ultimo Chocula, and Chocula takes offense at it. As Moniqua continues to coax Chocula up the ramp and towards the backstage area, he and Joe Ragnal continue jawing at one another until they disappear behind the curtain. With their respected teammates out of the ring area, Mike Ragnal and Billy Ubermark turn their attention to one another. The ref calls for the bell.)
*DING! DING!*
(Billy Ubermark and Mike Ragnal circle the ring for a couple seconds before locking up with each other. Mike Ragnal quickly gains the upper hand an gets Billy in an arm winch. Billy is trapped in the hold for a couple seconds before he does a couple of flips, counters the hold, and hits Mike Ragnal with a hip toss. Mike Ragnal quickly gets up off the ground and charges at Billy, who hits another hip toss on Ragnal. Mike charges again, and Billy hits a third hip toss. Mike gets up and charges, again. Billy prepares for a hip toss, but Mike nails a dropkick on Billy instead of simply charging in. Billy staggers backwards from the impact. Mike follows up with a swift running clothesline that sends Billy to the ground. Billy staggers to his feet. Mike Ragnal grabs him while he's still hunched over and runs Billy face-first into the middle turnbuckle of one of the corners. Billy staggers out of the corner in a slight daze. Mike Ragnal stands Billy all the way up, sets him up, and hits a Downward Spiral on him. Billy hits the canvas, face-first. Mike Ragnal rolls Billy over and goes for a quick cover.)
*1....2*
*Billy Ubermark kicks out of the cover at 2. Mike Ragnal jumps to his feet. He waits until Billy is standing up in a hunched over position, then charges in and hits Billy with a knee-lift to the face. Billy Ubermark stands straight up, holding his nose in pain. The crowd cheers as Ragnal then takes Billy and launches him into the ropes, on the return Ragnal hits Billy with a spinning back elbow smash. Billy goes down to the canvas, again. Ragnal stands Billy up and locks him up, and then connects with a suplex. Billy writhes in pain on the canvas as Mike Ragnal goes over to a nearby corner and climbs to the second turnbuckle. He lauches himself off and connects with a knee-drop to Billy's forehead. Billy Ubermark flops around on the ground like a fish out of water. Ragnal goes for another cover on the stunned Ubermark.)
*1...2...*
(Billy gets one of his shoulders up to stop the count. Mike Ragnal grabs Billy and sits him up. He goes behind him and locks him into a rear chin lock. The ref goes in after a couple of seconds to see if Billy wants to quit, but Billy waves him off. Billy starts struggling and fights his way to his feet. With Ragnal still holding onto the chin lock, Billy positions himself so his back is to the nearby turnbuckle. He then lunges backwards and sandwiches Mike Ragnal between himself and the corner of the ring. Ragnal breaks the hold. Billy Ubermark stumbles forwards and then turns to charge into Ragnal, who's still in the corner. Ragnal flips over the charging Billy and flips Billy over into a victory roll and cover.)
*1...2*
(Billy rolls out of the hold, leaving Mike in the sitting position, and follows up with a sitting dropkick directly to the face of Mike Ragnal. Mike is knocked backwards, and lies flat on the canvas as Billy climbs to his feet. Billy stands up and goes over to the fallen Ragnal, who is still staring at the ceiling. Billy lifts him up by his hair, and shoves him back into the corner. Billy promptly begins delivering shoulder blocks to the mid-section of Mike Ragnal. After about four of them, Billy takes Mike and whips him into the far turnbuckle. Mike hits hard, and then Billy follows him into the turnbuckle and nails a Monkey Flip. Ragnal comes out of the corner and hits his back on the canvas. Mike hollers out in pain, as he sits up, holding his back. Billy Ubermark watches and then comes at Mike, lunging over him and hitting him from behind with a flying head snap. Mike grabs his neck in pain as Billy stands up. He grabs Mike Ragnal and drags him to his feet. He locks Mike up and forces him into a standing neckbreaker. Mike again grabs his neck in pain and rolls onto his side. Billy grabs Mike, rolls him onto his back, and goes for a cover.)
*1....2....*
(Mike Ragnal kicks out. Billy stands up, and lifts Mike Ragnal into a seated position. Billy gets behind Mike and starts nailing him with closed fists to the back of the head. The ref counts and finally makes Billy back off after about the sixth hit. Mike Ragnal starts trying to get to his feet. Billy pushes the ref aside and grabs Mike, pulling him to his feet. Billy hits Mike between the eyes with a couple of elbows to the faces, then hits a knee to the guts. With Mike somewhat doubled-over, Billy goes for a Climb-up Wheel Kick and connects with the back of Mike's head. Mike Ragnal falls forwards. Billy gets back up to his feet in a hurry as Mike tries gingerly to get up. Mike makes it to his hands and knees. Billy sees this, runs off the far ropes, and then comes in with a dropkick to the ribs on the kneeling Mike Ragnal. Ragnal rolls over towards the ropes from the impact. Billy grabs Mike and stands him up. He puts his head under Mikes arm, and somehow muscles Mike into a Northern Lights Suplex and a briding pin.)
*1....2...*
(Ragnal manages to break the pin. Billy stands up and quickly delivers a jumping leg drop across Ragnal's throat. Ragnal's body jerks from the impact. Billy quickly gets back up and drags Mike up with him. He slaps Mike uncerimoniously across the face, once, drawing some heat from the crowd. Billy then takes Mike and sends him into the turnbuckle. Billy follows Mike in and hits a jumping knee into Mike's back. Mike shoots out a huge gob of spit from the impact. Billy turns Mike around and tries to whip him into the opposite corner. Half-way there, Mike reverses the whip and Billy is the one who goes into the corner, instead. Mike tries to follow up with a Stinger Splash, but Billy moves out of the way and Mike hits his chest on the turnbuckle. As Mike staggers out of the corner clutching his sternum, Billy grabs him by the head and connects with an Acid Drop. Ragnal lies motionless on the ground. Billy gets up, rolls Ragnal over, and climbs to the top of one of the turnbuckles. With perfect motion, Billy then leaps off the top rope for a moonsault and connects across the chest of Mike Ragnal. Billy goes for a cover.)
*1....2.....*
(Mike Ragnal manages to get a shoulder up just before the count of 3. Billy slams a fist into the canvas in frustration. He gets up off the canvas, and drags Mike Ragnal up by his hair. Billy takes Mike and gives him a quick pair of chops across the chest. Mike staggers, but then fires back and hits Billy with a chop across the chest of his own. The two trade chops for a couple of seconds with the fans "WOO-ing" with each chop. Finally, Billy breaks the pattern by delivering a closed fist directly to Mike Ragnal's face. Mike staggers backwards, and turns his back towards Billy. Billy comes up behind Mike and tries for the Virgin Sacrafice. Mike realizes what's going on and quickly slips out of the move. He ends up behind Billy, and tries for a German Suplex. He gets Billy up, but Billy flips out of the hold and lands behind Mike Ragnal. He then hits Mike in the back with a dropkick that sends Mike Ragnal stumbling forwards and through the top and middle ring ropes, onto the floor. Mike lies on the floor, dazed. Billy Ubermark moves as nimbly as he can and gets to the top of one of the turnbuckles. The referee stops the 10-count he had just started, and warns Billy. Billy poises himself, and then lauches off as Mike Ragnal stands up, and connects with a flying cross-body press. Both Ragnal and Ubermark crash to the mats on the concrete floor. Billy is stunned, but staggers to his feet. Mike Ragnal lies on the floor as fans stamp their feet and try to cheer him on. Billy grabs Mike and forces him to stand up by pulling on his right ear. He takes Mike and whips him hard into the guard railing. Mike hits back first onto the steel rail. Billy then charges at Mike for some kind of splash-like move. Mike Ragnal, however, ducks and flips Billy over his shoulders and over the railing. Billy lands on the concrete on the otherside of the railing. Security guards back the fans in the area up, and try to maintain controll as the audience roars with approval for Mike's counter. Billy gets up and tries to climb back over the railing, but Mike meets him with a couple of closed fists to the face. Mike grabs Billy by the hair and drives his forehead down into the railing. Billy's head snaps back up, and he has a blank look in his eyes, as though he's seeing stars from the impact. Mike Ragnal then locks Billy up. He lifts Billy over the railing, like he's going to Suplex him back into the area outside the ring, but instead brings Billy down stomach-first onto the railing. The crowd erupts with applause as Billy Ubermark stays bent over the railing for a couple seconds and then falls forwards onto the same side as Mike. He lies on the floor clutching his stomach as Mike Ragnal rolls into the ring to break the referee's abnormally-slow 10-count. Mike rolls back out of the ring as Billy manages to get to his feet. Mike grabs Billy by the hair and rams his face into the ring apron. He then takes Billy and whips him across into the steel stairs. Mike rushes at Billy and hits him with a clothesline that sends Billy tumbling over the steps and onto the floor on the otherside of them. Mike Ragnal is now fired up. He grabs Billy off the floor and tosses him back into the ring. Billy tries to get to his feet as quick as he can. He's groggy, and the ref comes over to check on him. Mike Ragnal climbs up onto the ring apron and then onto the top turnbuckle. He watches Billy Ubermark and waits for him to turn around. Billy turns and Mike lauches off for a clothesline from the top rope. Billy ducks, however, and pulls the referee into Mike's way. The ref takes the full brunt of Ragnal's clothesline and goes down in a heap. Mike Ragnal gets up and sees what has happened. He tries to check on the ref, but Billy Ubermark sneaks up behind him and connects with a double axe-handle to the middle of his back. Billy stands Mike up and tries to hit him with a DDT, but Mike Ragnal slips out of the move and Billy lands flat on his back. Mike Ragnal grabs Billy's legs as they come up, spreads them, and nails a hard stomp to the stomach on Billy. Billy rolls on the floor grabbing his abdomen, as Mike Ragnal lets out a loud war cry. The fans go nuts as he grabs Billy's legs, again, and begins trying to set him up for a Boston Crab. He rolls Billy over, and cinches in the move. Billy starts screaming and grabbing at his own hair in pain. The fans go wild as Ragnal leans back to apply more pressure.)
(Suddenly, from out of the back comes "The HeartBreak Hitman" Brett Michaels! Michaels runs down to the ring to the angry cries of the fans, slides in, and hits the Sweet Chin Muzak on the jaw of Mike Ragnal. Ragnal falls over backwards, breaking the hold on Billy Ubermark, who starts crawling over to the ring ropes to help himself up. Ragnal is rolling on the ground, holding his his jaw, as HBH starts laying the boots to him. Ragnal struggles to get to his feet, but can't. The fans boo HBH mercilessly.)
(Suddenly, the disposition of the fans changes. They cheer wildy as Limey rushes to ringside. Limey slides under the bottom rope and into the ring. He tackles HBH and ends up seated on top of him. Limey starts throwing wild punches into the face of the suprised HBH, who tries to shield his face from the attack. Billy Ubermark makes it to his feet and staggers over to get a piece of Limey. Limey, however, sees him coming for a double axe-handle. He delivers a quick punch to Billy's midsection, and then jumps up and delivers a couple of haymakers to Billy's face. Limey then knees Billy in the stomach, doubling him over, hooks Billys arms, and nails him with a Double-Underhook Suplex. Billy lands hard, and rolls on the ground grasping the small of his back. Limey stands up and is met by HBH, who attacks with a series of punches of his own.)
(Limey and HBH stand in the middle of the ring exchanging punches, until the crowd roars with excitement, again. Hitman Mark storms the ring. He climbs into the ring. He grabs both Hitman Mark and Limey and slams their heads together with authority. The two men stagger back from one anther as Hitman Mark takes HBH and whips him into the ropes. HBH shoots off and Hitman Mark connects with a standing dropkick that staggers HBH back to the ropes. Hitman Mark rushes HBH and clotheslines him over the top rope and onto the floor. Limey has now recovered. He rushes at Hitman Mark, but Hitman Mark does a shoulder throw and sends Limey flying over the top rope, as well. Limey ends up coming down directly on top of HBH. Hitman Mark stands in the ring, with the crowd screaming in approval. He looks out at Limey and HBH who are lying on the floor, and points ominously at both of them. Behind him, however, Billy Ubermark and Mike Ragnal have both gotten to their feet. They look at Hitman Mark, and then at one another. The two men, thinking along the same lines, run up and do a double dropkick to the back of Hitman Mark, sending him flying over the top rope, as well.)
(Billy Ubermark and Mike Ragnal stand up at the same time. Billy gestures to Mike that they should go outside of the ring and take care of business. Mike agrees and the two move forwards towards where HBH, Limey, and Hitman Mark are lying. Billy, however, lets Mike get ahead of him. He then slips in behind Mike Ragnal and connects with the Virgin Sacrafice. Mike goes down in a heap, and the crowd boos as Billy climbs on top of him for a cover. He looks around for the ref to start the count, but suddenly realizes he forgot something.... THE REF IS STILL UNCONSIOUS.)
(Billy yells for the ref to wake up, but nothing happens. Finally, he gets up to check on the ref. The crowd then comes to life again. Moxie climbs out of the crowd and slides into the ring behind where Billy Ubermark is. He taps Billy on the shoulder, and Billy stands up and turns around. Moxie immediately delivers a couple of punches to the face of Billy Ubermark. Billy staggers backwards, then tries for a clothesline on Moxie. Moxie ducks Billy's clothesline, kicks Billy in the guts as he turns around, and then nails Billy with a Pedigree! Billy lies on the ground, stunned, as Moxie rolls out of the ring. The ref starts to stir, but doesn't see Moxie leave the ring. Meanwhile, Mike Ragnal has come around from the Virgin Sacrafice. Dazed, he sees Billy lying stunned in the middle of the ring. Mike Ragnal climbs to the top of the turnbuckle. The fans go wild as Mike leaps off and hits the High Voltage Swantan Bomb on Billy. He quickly goes for a cover. The ref, who is now semi-conscious, sees the pin and makes the count.)
*1....2....3!*
(The bell rings, and Mike Ragnal climbs off of Billy Ubermark. He staggers to his feet, where the ref raises his hand.)
*ANNOUNCER*: Here is your winner of this match,.... MIKE RAGNAL!
(Mike is still standing there, when he is hit from behind by HBH! The ref calls for the bell to try and regain order, as Limey and Moxie both roll into the ring. Limey begins pounding on HBH and Moxie, helps him. Mike Ragnal starts fighting back and accidently hits Moxie. Moxie gets mad and charges at Mike Ragnal. The two fall over the top rope and begin brawling outside the ring. Mike Ragnal starts getting the best of Moxie and starts beating on Moxie's back with Moxie hunched over. Hitman Mark comes over to help Moxie. He spins Mike Ragnal around and delivers a series of elbow smashes to Mike's face. Moxie grabs Mike from behind to hold him, while Hitman Mark continues his attack. Suddenly, Billy Ubermark launches himself over the top rope in a plancha and crashes into the three men on the floor, knocking everyone over. Billy and Moxie stumble to their feet and lock up in a bitter clash. The two men are bunched up throwing blind fists at one another until Limey comes in from behind them and knocks them both to the ground with a massive clothesline. Limey starts stomping on both Billy and Moxie. Suddenly he's hit from behind as Hitman Mark tackles him and slams him into the steel railing. Hitman Mark starts pounding on Limey's head, when he's suddenly hit from behind by HBH, who has launched himself from the top rope and nails HBH with a flying elbow smash to the head. HBH hits Hitman Mark with some closed fists to the skull until Mike Ragnal comes over and joins the fray, grabbing HBH from behind and giving him a knee to the stomach. While all of this is going on, Moxie and Billy Ubermark have found one another on the ground, and are throwing cheap punches at one another as they roll around. Hitman Mark gets out from the crowd he's in and starts exchanging punches with Mike Ragnal. Meanwhile, HBH has Limey backed into the corner of the guard railing, and is trying to choke him out as he bends him over it, backwards.)
(Finally, a group of about 15 referees and officials come out and storm the ring area. They start trying to pry people off of one another. Billy Ubermark is pulled off of Moxie for a couple seconds, but is still kicking at the Heavyweight Champ. Moxie gets off his back and rushes at Billy Ubermark, knocking him back to the ground and taking one of the officials with him. HBH and Limey cannot be seperated, even by 4 officials. Limey tries to bite one of HBH's hands, but ends up biting a ref, instead. He swears and threatens to break HBH's neck, as HBH continues to try and choke him, despite the officials now grabbing his arms. Mike Ragnal and Hitman Mark are pulled apart. Hitman Mark screams something at Ragnal about his mother, but Ragnal flips him the bird and tells him to "Just wait!" Mike Ragnal raises his hand in victory, and the screen goes black as Hitman Mark breaks away from the officials holding him back, and comes in for another shot at Mike.)
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Post by Banned Member on Jan 4, 2006 3:06:51 GMT -5
Fink: The next match is set for one fall! Currently in the ring standing at over seven feet tall The Yeti!!!! Now the opponent Here is The Outlaw Chris James!!!!!
*The Four Horsemen theme brings the crowds to boos. As they know that EWT star The Outlaw Chris James is about to come to ringside. Outlaw rides out on his horse which takes a dump right on the ramp. Several fans grab their nose in disgust. The Outlaw dismounts his horse,and gets in the ring,and looks across at his foe for the night. The Seven foot tall Yeti. Outlaw goes over to the ref,and complains some,but to no avail. The Outlaw than gets close to Yeti,and spits a tobacco wad in his face. Yeti responds by grabbing Outlaw,and slamming him to the mat. Yeti stomps away at the Outlaw, but Outlaw manages to slide outside the ring. As the referee starts his count The Yeti follows to the outside only to be met by a boot to the chest by Outlaw. Yeti just looks at Outlaw who has a look of oh crap on his face. Yeti than punches Outlaw,and rolls him back inside the ring. outlaw runs over to the other side of the ring,and charges at Yeti hitting him with clothesline which fails to stagger Yeti. Outlaw looks at Yeti who stands there laughing. Outlaw all of sudden kicks Yeti right in the nuts. yeti drops to his knees. the Outlaw follows up with several punches to the head, and runs against the ropes,and follows up with a big boot to the head that knocks The Yeti to the mat. Outlaw than slides outside the ring,and throws Fink out of his chair,and takes the chair,and slides back into the ring, but before he can hit the yeti with it the ref grabs the chair. Outlaw stands there arguing with the ref,and at the last moment ducks a Yeti big boot which hits the ref knocking him out. As soon as Yeti turns around Outlaw kicks Yeti in the nuts again,and quickly follows up with a clothesline that staggers Yeti up against the rope. Outlaw takes the loose bandages around Yetis arms,and ties them to the ropes. Outlaw than grabs the chair,and hits Yeti over the head with it. Outlaw looks around as the fans boo him,and hits Yeti several more times. Outlaw throws down the chair,and punches Yeti in his bandaged head which is now stained with blood. Outlaw unties Yeti from the ropes. Yeti just collapses on the mat out cold. Outlaw drags Yeti to the corner,and with all his strength lifts Yeti up,and hits The Round Up. The impact of the move is so fierce that it leaves a blood soaked spot on the mat. Outlaw goes over,and wakes the ref up,and than covers Yeti for the three count.*
Fink: Here is your winner The Outlaw Chris James!!!!!!!!!!1
* The fans are in awe over that last move they saw as Outlaw makes a belt motion around his waist,and gets back on his horse, and heads back up the ramp.*
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Jan 4, 2006 6:19:36 GMT -5
*We cut to "last night", on a different programme altogether...* *We are in a big red studio, and we open to some applause. Tom Arnold is out, and he gives out a few "thank you"'s as the applause dies down.* Tom: Hello everybody, and welcome once again to... Tom: Hi, I'm your host, Tom Arnold, and do we have a guest for you! Here to promote one of the most innovative wrestling promotions today, he is entered with five other men in the most brutal environment in wrestling today, THE SURVIVAL CAGE!!! *The audience "Ooooh!" at this.* Tom: Alright, lets welcome, all the way from Liverpool, England...LIMEY!!!! *To a good amount of applause, we cut right, and Limey is seated, wearing black jeans and an Iron Maiden hoodie. He smiles and nods back at Tom, throwing up the horns at the audience for a good reaction.* Limey: Good to be here. Thank you. Tom: Now...Limey. We've got a lot of viewer mail for you, and a few phone-ins, but first, let me ask you something...how does it feel to be entered in what many have called the most sadistic type of match ever dreamt up? *Limey takes a moment to think.* Limey: Well, Tom, I've got to say, it's an honour. Everyone entered is worthy of a shot at EWT's greatest prize, and I'm sure they'll put up one hell of a show, and give their all. Tom: Oh really? Even Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark? *There is a bit of laughter for that. Limey chuckles before thinking.* Limey: Naw, all due respect to Billy. He's a great high-flyer, and he knows no limits. But you know he's going to get his arse handed to him. *We see freeze frames of Limey fighting the likes of Flex Magnificent, Mike Ragnal, Moxie and Bret Micheals.* Tom: Well, you know, you've come to blows with just about every competitor in the Cage, some of them in matches, and some of them... Limey: (Chuckles) Yeah, some of them when they just got in my way... *Limey gets a bit of laughter in.* Limey: But...you may not know this, but one of my first matches against EWT superstars involved Billy Ubermark, in the Screaming Sausage Battle Royal. Tom: Which you, by the way, won. Limey: (Smiling) Guilty as charged... *We see footage of Limey hitting Billy with a Russian Leg Sweep as David Adams hits a big top rope lariat.* Limey: Yeah, although I can never claim having pinned Billy, he knows what I can do. Tom: Tell me about the rest of the competitors... Limey: Well...you know about my history with Bret Micheals, talk about reluctant tag champs... *We show footage of Limey getting superkicked onto Joel. Bret, surprised that they won, places the EWT tag team gold onto Limey.* Limey: And Moxie and I had one spectacular fight just about a month ago... *We see Limey hitting a Super Twist O' Lime, planting Moxie right onto the mat.* Limey: And you may not know this...but I have NEVER managed to beat Mike Ragnal, and I've fought him twice...so fingers crossed for that. Third time's the charm. *We see Mike Ragnal hitting the RagnalRock to Limey, and winning the ten thousand dollars. He celebrates with Barbwire Harry.* Limey: But, there's one opponent who I have never fought, and that's HitmanMark. If I were to come to blows with him, you know I'd fight with the greatest of honour. Tom: Cool...OK, we've got a few letters here. Here's one from the entire city of Corey, North Dakota. It's "To Limey, what's it like to fight someone like Flex Magnificent?" *The crowd "ooh's" at this, but Limey takes a think.* Limey: Flex...he's a real tough son of a *****, and damn hard to take down. I'm at a huge size disadvantage when fighting Flex, and there are times when he uses...underhanded moves. He's gotten into a load of fights, though, against the likes of Maelstrom, and Spaz, and hopefully, he'll get his come-uppance soon enough. So, there you go, citizens of Corey, North Dakota. Tom: OK, we've got another...from James fffffffffffffffff, "Gasoline has nearly broke your back countless times. Are you sure you can forgive him for that?" Limey: (Straight away) Hey, Gasoline's a great competitor, and he's a brilliant human being to boot. He's made a few mistakes, but I'm sure he'll recover. He's a hit with the fans, and he's made his peace with me. Tom: OK, well, that's the letters over...let's have the call-ins. *We hear a caller, as "Mike Control, Scranton" is displayed.* Caller: Uh...yeah...can I just ask...what's your opinion of Carla getting more gold than you? Limey: Well, I'm not annoyed, to be honest. Carla's a great girl...gifted in the art of kicking arse and looking good doing it. She's at the top of her game, and she's doing a great job helping EWT's GND Division to be more established. Tom: OK, next caller.... *We see "Mr.....somebody" displayed.* Caller: Hello, Limey? You are a stupid-head! *Limey frowns.* Limey: Ultimo Chocula? That you? Caller: (Screams. We then hear a dial tone.) Tom: Oh...well...I guess...I guess that's it from that caller....do we have time for one more? *We see "Hankatola" displayed.* Caller: Yeah...my kid's in hospital, and he's a huge fan of yours...can you do a Twist O' Lime onto Tom Arnold for him? Limey: *Shrugs* If it'll make you happy. *Limey rushes over to Tom Arnold, and hits him with the TWIST O' LIME!!!! A stage hand walks over to him, and declares he's been knocked unconcious.* Limey: That good? Caller: That's perfect...oh, one more thing... Limey: Waaaaay ahead of you there, Hank. I guess it looks like Life just GAVE...HIM...LIIIIIIIIIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Caller: Thanks Limey! Good luck in the Survival Cage!! Limey: Don't mention it! Shout out to your kid, too! Caller: Cool! *The audience applauds as medics come in and see to Tom Arnold. Fade out...*
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Jan 4, 2006 8:54:03 GMT -5
Backstage at the EWT arena Curly Long is sitting on some crates watching the latest Diva arrivals for a future EWT related show ... Curly is clearly enjoying this when Big walks up with more serious look to his face
CURLY: Hey Big, your missing the action ...one of these girls had a pair of great, big, massive ..
Big interrupts
Mr. BIG: err boss ... have you seen the match board?.. your teaming up with Spaz!
CURLY: I'M WHAT?! ... first Toomi removes me from power and now he teams me up with an inferior wrestler ... next he'lll dress me up as some sort of farmyard bird and call me the comedy clucker! ... Bah! ...but i'll show him, I'll prove to Spaz and Toomi that i'm a skilled technician of the ring .. they will be phoning me for tips!! ... armlocks, head scissors all of these things I can do .. I'll make them pay those bastards wish they'd never heard the name of Curly Long .. thinking they can run me around, who do they think they ...
Mr. Big not wanting Curly's rant to continue quickly disrupts his train of thought by changing the subject
Mr. BIG: .. well at least we're on the Jay Leno show ..
CURLY: those soul sucking monst ... Jay Leno! ... we're on his show ... why didn't you tell me! ...
Curly pulls out his mobile phone and starts dialing a number
CURLY: Fabio! .. yeah I'm good, ... look listen, think you can conjure up a brand new suit ... u-huh ... no this isn't for a night in red light drive ...I'm going on the Jay Leno Show!! ... you can! ... emeralds you say? ..good stuff ... no I don't know why a bell is named mo either ...3 hours? ... we'll be there!
Puts down phone
CURLY: c'mon Big, time waits for no man .. or me for that matter !
The two walk off down the corridor.
(cut to commercial)
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Jan 4, 2006 10:38:54 GMT -5
*HBH walks over to the match board and sees that he's tagging with Limey to take on Moxie and HitmanMark*
HBH: Hmmm, this should be very interesting.
Rosa: I'll say. How are you and Limey going to co-exist as a team when you were at each other's throats during the Mike Ragnal-Billy Ubermark match?
HBH: The same way we did when we were tag team champions. Which is, me carrying his butt once again to a great match.
Rosa: Heh, we'll see.
HBH: What's up with you? Ever since that ladder match with Carla at Season's Beatings, you've been acting...different. And what's with that stunt you pulled with Oceanic?
Rosa: Let's just say I have my reasons.
HBH: Yeah, whatever. I'm going to get ready for my interview on The Tony Danza Show. You know where to find me.
*HBH walks off. Rosa takes a look at the match board. A half-smile comes across her face*
Rosa: Tanya Flaire, eh? I've seen what this girl can do. I think this can work.
*Rosa walks off. Cut to next segment*
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Post by crauswell on Jan 4, 2006 11:43:37 GMT -5
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.
The Renegade theme starts up and he starts heading down to the ring. He doesn't get too much of a reaction though.
Announmcer: Introducing first, from parts unknown, weight... not listed... Renegade!!!
Renegade gets into the ring and starts stretching a bit before his match. Soon after he enters, a huge set of pyros goes off as Broken Wings starts up and Crauswell slowly walks down to the ring to a decent amount of heel heat.
Announcer: And from... also parts unknown, weighing in at 272 pounds, Crauswell!!!
He slides into the ring and looks at Renegade for a moment, Renegade looking back... eyes wide as he stares at his opponent.
He starts laughing at how stupid Crauswell looks... big mistake of course. Crauswell takes him down immediately with a lariat sending him for a loop! Renegade groans as Crauswell leaps up with a headbutt to his chest... Renegade yelping out in pain. He rolls around a bit, Crauswell back to his feet by now. He stalks Renegade, who immediately rises up... only to get grabbed right away in a chokeslam... hoisted up, now also in a powerbomb position and slammed down to the mat!!! Crauswell simply looks down and leaves the ring. Meanwhile the referee checks on Renegade
Referee: He's out! Ring the bell!!!
The bell rings.
Announcer: Your winner as a result of knock out... Crauswell!!!
Crauswell spreads his wings, then quickly turns around and heads backstage once again... as Renegade lies motionless in the ring.
Fade to commercial.
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jan 4, 2006 12:36:25 GMT -5
*Mike and the other Ragnals and Tanya are backstage as Mike carries a suitcase with him.*
JOE: Wait a minute? You're going on some Arizona talk show?
MIKE: How about that, right? I mean, seriously, I'm from Pennsylvania, like I'll have a clue who these people are.
TANYA: You'd think he'd try to give you Jay Leno or something.
MIKE: That was my thought! But I'm out for now, guys. Good luck with everything, and I'll be back before you know it.
LINDA: Later, Mike.
JOE: Catch ya soon, bro.
*MIke heads out the door and drives off in his 1994 LeSabre.*
JOE: Well, on with us. Who do you guys have for the week?
LINDA: I'm facing Carla for the GND title.
TANYA: I have Rosa. You'd think after what happened last week Toomi would give us some redemption.
JOE: You think that's bad? I'm facing Chuck Paulumbo.
LINDA: The idiot that did the springboard legdrop in WCW?
JOE: No, no, that wa-no wait, you're right.
LINDA: The guy's a certifiable moron. You'll do fine.
JOE: Okay, you got a point there.
*FADE OUT*
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Post by Poker Joker on Jan 4, 2006 13:54:38 GMT -5
(The scene opens up on the "Howard Stern Show". We're just coming back from a break. Howard is sitting behind a desk with a bunch of sex toys lying on top of it. Nearby is his faithful stooge, Robin. Their bumper music fades out, and the show takes off.)
*HOWARD*: Ah! I love that Bababooey! I bet he's on his way to jail, right now!
*ROBIN*: Well, that's what you get for mooning a bus load of kids!
*HOWARD: I know. But it was funny, wasn't it.
*ROBIN*: Oh, it was funny.
*HOWARD*: I tell ya, I haven't laughed that hard since I found out Rush Limbaugh was going deaf.
*ROBIN* (laughing): Howard! That's terrible!
*HOWARD*: I know. What's even worse is that I meant every word of it, too.
(Robin simply laughs over her headset.)
*HOWARD*: OK. Its just Robin and me today, so let's get on to our next guest.
*ROBIN*: OK.
*HOWARD*: Our next guest is a wrestler from the E.W.T. He is a former Tri-State Champion. He is currently one-half of the "Handsome Boys Modeling School.".... (pause)... Is that an actual school? I mean, is that like a legitimate four-year college, or a two-year trade school, or something?
*ROBIN*: No, that's the name of the tag-team he's part of.
*HOWARD*: Oh, really? So its not a real school.
*ROBIN*: No.
*HOWARD*: That's good. Because if it was a real school, I'd hate to think of what their football team's mascot would be? What do you think it would be, Robin?
*ROBIN*: I dunno. The Hot Gay Models?
*HOWARD*: The Hot Gay Models? I think it would be something more like the Bouncing Ti***-Implants.
*ROBIN*: The Bouncing T****-Implants?
*HOWARD*: Yeah. The Handsome Boys Modeling School Bouncing T****-Implants. Wouldn't that sound cool?
*ROBIN*: (Laughing)
*HOWARD*: S***, I'd buy a t-shirt from 'em if that was their mascot.
*ROBIN*: How would they fit all of that onto a t-shirt?
*HOWARD*: Who cares! With a name like that, just put their logo on there. That'll be good.
*ROBIN*: (Laughing)
*HOWARD*: OK, back to our guest. He's a professional wrestler from the E.W.T. He's a former Tri-State Champion. He's one-half of the tag-team "Handsome Boys Modeling School." And this weekend, he will participate in the Survival Cage match for the E.W.T. Heavyweight Championship at Toomi House Party II, which is available on Pay-Per-View. Please welcome... and I can't believe I'm going to say this name. Its the coolest name ever.
*ROBIN*: Or maybe not, considering what it implies.
*HOWARD*: That's true, too. But something tells me that I'm going to have a lot in common with this guy. Please welcome Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark.
(Billy Ubermark enters the studio through the door. He's wearing his leather jacket, a pair of designer jeans, black shoes, and a Polo shirt. He shakes hands with Robin, and Howard gestures at his seat.)
*HOWARD*: Mr. Ubermark! Have a seat!
*BU*: Thanks. I'm a big fan of your's
*HOWARD*: Great! Tell ya what, in that case, can I just call you Virgin? Its shorter than your other name.
*BU*: Uh... no. But Billy's fine.
*HOWARD*: OK. No problem. So you're a pro-wrestler?
*BU*: Yep.
*HOWARD*: And you're originally from St. Paul, Minnesota.
*BU*: Yeah. That's right.
*HOWARD*: The Twin Cities. That's cool.
*BU*: Yeah, its really cool during the winter time.
*HOWARD*: (chuckling) It is! In fact, its g**damn freezing. I was there with my ex-wife, one time, and I almost froze my nuts off. Of course, that was my ex-wife who did that to me, but the weather was pretty cold too.
(Robin and Billy laugh at Howard's joke before going on.)
*HOWARD*: So you're from the Twin Cities of Minnesota. What made you become a wrestler?
*BU*: I've always been pretty athletic. I've never really had the best build, but I've always had the skill. I knew I could succede at it, so I started training during my last year of college. Then later, I went and finished training at a wrestling school in Mexico where I started my wrestling career.
*HOWARD*: That must've been time consuming.
*BU*: Yeah, it was.
*HOWARD*: That doesn't leave much time for getting some snatch, does it?
*BU*: Not really. No.
*HOWARD*: Is that why you're known as "The Virgin"? Because you've never had the time to go out and get your cherry popped?
*BU*: (a little squeemish) No.... I've never really been able to figure out why I can't get a woman to sleep with me. I mean, I've got everything they could possibly want.
*HOWARD*: How do you mean?
*BU*: Well, I'm good-looking. I'm famous. I'm talented. Now that I've changed my style, thanks to my manager Moniqua, I'm fashionable.
*HOWARD*: Yeah, I see where you're coming from. Robin, don't you think that's all that a guy would need to get a piece of tail?
*ROBIN*: Well, a little humility wouldn't hurt, but otherwise....
*HOWARD*: Otherwise, what?
*ROBIN*: I dunno. I guess it should be enough.
*HOWARD*: Would you sleep with him, Robin?
*ROBIN*: I dunno.
*BU*: (somewhat excited) Yeah, would you sleep with me?
*HOWARD* (laughing): Down boy! I was asking her a hypothetical question, not making her a proposition.
*BU* (with a smirk on his face): I was doing just the opposite. C'mon. I've got Motion Lotion and bungee cords at my place. It'll be fun!
(Howard and Robin both laugh at Billy's proposal.)
*ROBIN*: I think I'm too scared to sleep with him, now.
*HOWARD*: Don't feel bad, Billy. I've tried to pimp Robin off a hundred times, but she never take the bait. But getting back to you, I don't get it. I mean, all those things you said.... talented.... famous wrestler.... you're good-looking....
*BU*: Yep.
*HOWARD*: You're not great-looking, mind you. I'm the ony great-looking person in this room.
*ROBIN*: Whatever, Howard.
*HOWARD*: That's right. But still... all those things, and you're still a virgin, huh?
*BU*: Yep. I don't understand it.
*HOWARD*: I don't understand it, either. You should be getting more ass than a toilet seat.
*BU*: Tell me about it.
*HOWARD*: I don't think I have to. I think you know it.
*BU*: Damn right I do.
*HOWARD*: That's the spirit. OK, so this Sunday night, you're going to be part of a special match.
*BU*: Yeah. The Survival Cage match at Toomi's House Party II.
*HOWARD*: Is this a big match for you?
*BU*: Huge! Very huge! Its for the Heavyweight Championship.
*HOWARD*: Have you ever had a match this big, before?
*BU*: Considering that this is for the Heavyweight Title,... I'd say no.
*HOWARD*: But you've been a champion, before. I mean, it says here that you were an E.W.T. Tri-State Champion.
*BU*: Yep. One of the greatest Tri-State Champions the E.W.T. has ever seen, too.
*HOWARD*: But this is bigger than that?
*BU*: Way bigger.
*HOWARD*: What's a Survival Cage?
*BU*: Basicly, you have a series of five cages set up in an "x" shape. Inside three of those cages is a ring where a match will take place. Inside the fourth cage is a bunch of weapons. You can use the weapons in the fourth cage to beat the hell out of your opponents.
*HOWARD*: What the F***? That sounds dangerous.
*BU*: That's a good way to describe it.
*HOWARD*: Do you have to knock the other bastards out?
*BU*: You have to pin them, or make them give up.
*HOWARD*: How do you make them give up?
*BU*: You just lock them in a hold that causes them a hell of a lot of pain until they give up.
*HOWARD*: Is that what you do? I mean, is that how you win?
*BU*: I've done that once before, but normally I knock people out.
*HOWARD*: Wow!
*ROBIN*: You're not a big guy, though. I mean, how can you lift someone over your head and do that?
*BU*: I'm more of a high-flier. I rely most on being quick and using high-impact moves. That's what I was taught to do in Mexico.
*ROBIN*: You mean, like when you jump off the top rope and do a summersault and stuff...
*BU*: Yeah, like that. I do that.
*HOWARD*: I had a girlfriend in college who would do that to me. It got me horny as all hell. Holy s***! Do I miss those nights!
(Robin and Billy laugh.)
*HOWARD*: So then, how do you win this whole thing? Is that what the fifth cage is for?
*BU*: Yeah. The last three men enter the fifth cage and have to climb the cage to get to the belt, which is hanging from the top.
*HOWARD*: F***, man. That sounds brutal.
*BU*: It is.
*HOWARD*: Have you ever gotten hurt doing this?
*BU*: Yeah... But not as often as I've hurt other people.
*ROBIN*: That's why you were a Tri-State Champion, I suppose.
*BU*: That's part of it. Yeah.
*HOWARD*: So, now, there are FIVE other people in this match with you?
*BU*: That's right.
*HOWARD*: OK, lets talk about them. This is how this is going to work: I'll mention their names, one by one, and you tell me what you think about 'em.
*BU*: No problem.
*HOWARD*: Alright. The first guy is Hitman Mark. Now this guy is something of a legend, right?
*BU*: You could call him that. Yeah. He's a legend of YESTERDAY.
*HOWARD*: Of yesterday?
*BU*: Yeah. He's the past; I'm the future.
*HOWARD*: What? Is he an old guy? Does he walk around with a cane, or something?
*BU*: If he doesn't, now, he will when I'm done with him.
*HOWARD*: OK! Well... let's move on. What about Limey? What kind of a name is Limey, anyways? Is this guy gay? Is he a homo?
*BU*: Probably. I think he's from England, or something like that. All those European-types are a little fruity, if you ask me.
*HOWARD*: A little fruity, huh? So he is light in the loafers?
*BU*: Yeah! He's a fruit loop.
*HOWARD*: Proabably why he calls himself "Limey." Because he's such a fruit. Do you think he'll try and grab your ass while you're in the ring with him?
*BU*: Not after I beat his face into the side of the cage for a few minutes.
*HOWARD*: Well, that'll take care of someone. Is he a strong guy.
*BU*: Yeah. He's big. Strong as an ox.... about as dumb as one, too, though. He isn't going to cause me a lot of problems.
*ROBIN*: I heard he said, recently, that you have a persecution complex because you think everyone discriminates against you because you're a virgin.
*BU*: Yeah, he said that.
*ROBIN*: So what do you say to him?
*BU*: I say he's going to have an inferiority complex when I get my hands on him, because I'm going to beat him down until he realizes just how inferior to me he is.
*HOWARD*: Wow! Say, is that true? Do people discriminate against you because you're a virgin?
*BU*: Yeah. It happens all the time. If I wasn't as good and determined as I am, I never would've come as far as I have. You'd be amazed at how many people don't want to see a virgin succede because they're afraid that it'll make them look bad.
*HOWARD*: Holy f***, that's rough, man! I'd like to help you out.
*BU* (excited): Can you?
*HOWARD*: Sorry. I'm afraid not. Last time we tried that, we almost got arrested for prostitution.
*BU*: Aw, c'mon! I'm a huge fan of your's.
*HOWARD*: Nope. Can't do it. Not until our lawyer gets that cleared up. He's Jewish, though, so he'll rip the other guy to shreds when it finally goes to court. Now back to these other opponents.... what about this guy, here, they call the HeartBreak Hitman?
*BU* HBH is probably one of the better guys I'm going to meet in this match.
*HOWARD*: He's legit, huh?
*BU*: Oh, yeah. He's legit. Not like some of these other meatheads.
*HOWARD*: Can you take him?
*BU*: Oh yeah. If it comes down to just him and me at some point, there's no doubt in my mind... it'll be me who wins.
*ROBIN*: You're confident, Billy.
*HOWARD*: Boy, ain't that the truth. Next guy... Mike Ragnal.
*BU*: Over-rated.
*HOWARD* (suprised): Over-rated?
*BU*: He's the most over-rated guy in this match.
*HOWARD*: Didn't he just beat you in a match a day or two ago?
*BU*: That was a fluke win. Besides, I've beat him before, too.
*HOWARD*: Are you sure that wasn't the fluke win?
*BU*: Positive. He got lucky, got some help, and got a fluke win. A LOT of stuff that happens for this guy is a fluke. Hell, I think its a fluke that he's even a wrestler. He's more suited to be a garbage collector, or something.
*ROBIN*: Now this Mike Ragnal.... isn't he part of the current Tag-Team Champions.
*BU*: Yep.
*ROBIN*: And you're also in a tag-team.
*BU*: Yeah.
*HOWARD*: So when this whole thing is over, is it possible that you and your partner will be fighting him and his partner for the Tag-Team Championship?
*BU*: Well, I can't garuntee you that we'll be fighting him and his partner for the Tag-Team titles, but I can tell you that we WILL eventually be fighting for those belts. There's no doubt about it. We're just that sexy and that good!
*HOWARD*: Who is Mike Ragnal's tag-team partner, anyways?
*BU*: Joe Ragnal.
*HOWARD*: Another Ragnal? Are they brothers?
*BU* (chuckling): I'm not sure. They say they're brothers, but knowing them, I think there's been some inbreeding in that family.
*HOWARD*: A little cousin-on-cousin action, huh?
*BU*: More than a little. I think they're brothers, uncles, and second-cousins twice removed to one another, all at the same time.
*HOWARD*: Wow! That sounds like its WAY out there.
*BU*: Trust me. That's one family tree that you DON'T want to climb.
(Robin and Howard laugh at Billy.)
*HOWARD*: OK. The final guy in this match is the current Heavyweight Champion, himself. His name is Moxie.
*BU* (nodding): Moxie.
*HOWARD*: You two have a history, together, I hear.
*BU*: We have a LONG history.
*HOWARD*: How did that come about?
*BU*: When I first came to the E.W.T., Moxie was the Tri-State Champion. He was one of the people who was very openly critical about me, and much of it was due to the fact that I was a virgin. And he wasn't going to give me a title shot against him, but eventually, I got my hands on his belt, anyways, and I became one of the longest reigning Tri-State Champions in the E.W.T., thus far.
*HOWARD*: Wow! So did you ever beat this guy?
*BU*: Yeah. I beat the hell out of him in a match called a Scramble Cage. When it was all done, I was still the Tri-State Champion, and he was lying in a puddle of his own blood.
*HOWARD*: Well, that's one hell of a history. Do you think he's going to want a little bit of revenge for it?
*BU*: Probably. But he isn't going to get it.
*HOWARD*: How do you know that?
*BU*: Because I'm gonna make sure of it. I beat his ass once before. Believe me, I WILL do it, again. There's nobody who's going to stop me from becoming the E.W.T. Heavyweight Champion. NOBODY.
*ROBIN*: All the way, huh, baby?
*BU*: I'm going ALL the way!
*HOWARD*: Wow! Well, good luck to you. Now getting back to this bit about your virginity.... do you "play" a lot?
*BU*: (caught off-guard) Excuse me?
*HOWARD*: Do you "play" since you're not getting any? You know.... do you punch the munchkin? Slap the salami? Beat the meat? Squeeze the filling out of the flesh twinki? Burp your big baby, til it spits up? Whatever you wanna call it.
*BU*: Well,... uh... I do tend to try and relieve some of the pressure I feel, at times.
*HOWARD*: So you do it. That's cool. I'm guessing you don't have a lot of hair on your palms, do you?
*BU*: uh...
*HOWARD*: That's probably why you've got the motion lotion. Do you have anything you whack-off to? You know, like magazines, books, movies?
*ROBIN*: Pictures?
*HOWARD*: Yeah. Pictures of Robin?
*ROBIN* (laughing): HOWARD!
*HOWARD*: Hey, I "play" to pictures of you. Since my wife left, I "play" a lot, I tell you.
*BU*: Well, I've got a pretty extensive collection of adult movies and magazines.
*HOWARD*: A porn collection? Great! We're gonna have to get together some time and swap smut. When you finally do get laid, have you ever thought about how you want it? Which of the "three main ways" would you like?
*BU* (seeming a little emberassed): Right now, I'd probably just take it any way I can get it.
*HOWARD*: I bet. And that reminds me, we have a little something for you. We're going to play a game. Its called "Lesbian or Not a Lesbian."
*ROBIN*: We are? How come I wasn't told about this?
*HOWARD* Because you'd say we couldn't do it, so I just didn't tell you.
*BU*: This sounds like fun. How do we play it?
*HOWARD*: Well, I'm going to bring in a couple of girls and you have to tell me if they're lesbians or not. And if you guess right, they'll have to go out on a date with you.
*BU* (suddenly very excited): I'm in!
*HOWARD*: I thought you would be. Send in the girls.
(The door behind Billy opens and two rather busty girls enter the room. One has blonde hair and green eyes. The other has black hair and brown eyes. Both are fairly pain in complection, but are quite good looking. They're each wearing "Howard Stern Show" t-shirts that are cut down to reveal their ample cleavage, and spandex shorts that show off their shapely bottoms and legs. Billy stares at both girls with a huge smile on his face. He's practically drooling, and one of his legs starts to shake, uncontrollably.)
*HOWARD*: OK, Billy. The little blonde, here, is Kami and our lovely brunette is Raven. Just by looking at them, can you tell.... first with Kami... is she a lesbian?
*BU* (stuttering, he's so excited): Uh....Uh...Uh... I'm gg-g-goin to say, she's NOT.
*ROBIN*: Well, Howard?
(Howard pushes a button and a buzzer goes off.)
*HOWARD*: Sorry. Kami, are you a lesbian?
*KAMI*: Yes.
*BU* (disappointed): Well... is there any chance I could change your mind?
(Kami shakes her head no as she smiles sweetly.)
*HOWARD*: One more chance, Billy. What about Raven? Is she a lesbian?
*BU* (nervous): Well,... if she isn't, she probably won't have sex with me,... so I'm going to say that, if this girl is... NOT a lesbian.
(Howard presses the same button and the buzzer goes off, again.)
*BU*: WHAT?!
*HOWARD*: Raven, what do you say?
*RAVEN*: Sorry, Billy. I'm a lesbian, too. And, even if I was straight, I still wouldn't sleep with you. I'd switch over and become a lesbian, again.
*BU*: What?! How was I supposed to win that?
*ROBIN*: Yeah, Howard. How was he supposed to win?
*HOWARD*: Like this... Ladies.
(With that, Raven and Kami start fondling one another. Soon, the embrace and start making out in front of Howard and Billy.)
*HOWARD*: Oh yeah! That's what we like.
*BU* (eyes wide open and starting to drool): .....Yeah. Tha.... thas wha we like.
*HOWARD*: So, one more time, Billy.... This Sunday night.
*BU* (totally fixed on the girls making out): Yea....
*HOWARD*: Survivor Cage match...
*BU*: ...yeah...
*HOWARD*: At Toomi's House Part II on Pay-Per-View.
*BU* (swooning): ... thas ri....
*HOWARD*: OK. Well, its good talking to you, Billy. We're going to take a commercial break for our television audience, and uh.... well, lets just sit back and enjoy this. The girls can't take their clothes off because we're on t.v., but... hey, its still worth watching, right.
(Billy Ubermark continues to watch the girls. As one of them begins tugging playfully at the other's shirt with her teeth, Billy falls off his chair, lands on the floor, lays there with his eyes wide open.... fixed on the girls.)
*HOWARD*: We'll be right back.
(The screen fades to black.)
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on Jan 4, 2006 18:28:15 GMT -5
<We fade in to a crowd full of people, cheering and jeering>
<The camera side strafes through the crowd to the other side, with the beautiful Kelly Ripa sitting in her stool>
Kelly: And we're back, and our next segment is one that is relatively unusual. And that's why we gave it to our favorite wrestler, "The Masked Reeg-ulator"!
<The camera cuts to Regis Philbin, wearing a wrestling singlet, pads and a half-mask. He stands in a standard (yet small) 4 sided ring>
Regis: RAWR!! Aren't I scary, Kell?
<The camera shifts between Kelly and Regis>
Kelly: You look like a total goober.
Regis: Well, we'll see what our guest has to say. He is the EWT World Champion... Ladies and Gentlemen, Moxie!
<"La Liberacion of our Awakening" hits the stage, and Moxie comes from behind the curtain, the EWT World Title on his shoulder. He climbs into the ring, and Regis extends his hand, and Moxie grasps, shaking his hand>
Regis: Moxie, Man! Good to see ya!
Moxie: Thanks Reeg. Good to be here.
Regis: You like my get-up here?
Moxie: I think Kelly was right... Goober.
<Regis and Moxie laugh>
Regis: Before we get started with the Thread-per-view, lets get to know you first.. as a person. Tell us about yourself, and your history.
Moxie: Uh.. Okay. I've been a pro wrestler for 4 years. Since I was 20. I've done some Feds in Japan, some Indys, and did a minor stint in WWE as "Spud Jackson", the Wrestling Potato.
Regis: That's pretty funny!
Moxie: It was a decent comical act, but I wanted to be taken seriously, so I ended up in the EWT, Jobbed a bit, tagged a bit, then got my singles break with HitmanMark.
Regis: What do you do outside of wrestling?
Moxie: Spanish-style Guitarring. Write. I've gone to school for Television and Film Direction. Stuff like that. My wrestling school as well.
Regis: That's a full load! And you're the EWT Champion. Crazy.
Moxie: Yeah. When you don't see me on your telly, that's probably where I am.
<Regis Pauses>
Regis: So... coming up at the next thread-per-view, you have to defend your EWT Championship against not 1, but 5, and not enemy, but friend as well?
<Moxie pauses a sec and shakes his head>
Moxie: Yeah. It's going to be a challenge.
Regis: Let us in on any strategy you have.
Moxie: Lemme guess, you're working for the Virgin?
Regis: What?
Moxie: Wanting me to give my secrets away on live TV. Funny.
<Moxie gets in Regis's face>
Regis: No.. NO!
<Moxie backs down>
Moxie: I know, just testing ya out <Moxie smirks>
Regis: <mutters phew>
Moxie: Well... I have alot to strategize about.
Regis: Lets go down the line... Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels?
Moxie: HBH himself. A noteworthy competitor. Multiple-time Tag Champion. But... Too Cocky. I may be ignorant, and full of myself, but I can back it up. Sorry HBH, but you're going down like Billy's Mom.
Regis: hmm... Mike Ragnal
Moxie: Mike is a good man. A solid Tag Champion, and a good all-arounder. But to be honest, he's a little wet behind the ears, and he maybe a former Hardcore champion, but he's not in my league.
Regis: Limey?
Moxie: Just like at the last TPV... Limey knows that I can take him where he's never gone before, and I plan on doing that in the Survival Cage.
Regis: Billy Uber--
Moxie: The Virgin. Listen.
<Moxie looks at the camera>
Moxie: I don't care if you are a virgin. Get it out of your mind that I hate you because you're a virgin. I hate you cause you're the antithesis of everything I believe in., hard work, loyalty, and compassion. You never beat me for MY EWT Tri-State Title. You won some Gauntlet. Remember, you may have one-upped me in the Scramble Cage, but when the Survival Cage comes around. You won't be so lucky.
Regis: Well... uh... What about HitmanMark?
Moxie: Me and HMark have our history, as foes, and friends. He's my teacher, and I'm his Protege. But when it comes to my title... the student will become the teacher.
Regis: Well... some strong words, friend. Anything else?
Moxie: Plug for my upcoming video, "Straight Shootin and Sooth-sayin with Moxie". Check for it Online.
Regis: We'll be back after these commercials!
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Deamon Cohln
Don Corleone
AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
Posts: 1,962
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jan 4, 2006 19:47:38 GMT -5
*We return from commercial to see the Cold Pizza logo flash across the screen. We come into the studio and Dana Jacobson is on camera.*
Dana: Hello and welcome back to Cold Pizza. Today we have a special guest. EWT superstar and a competitor in the 6-man Gauntlet for the EX Title at EWT’s Toomi’s House Party II on Pay-Per-View.
Deamon: That’s OX Dana, get your facts right for once.
Dana: Yeah, well welcome Deamon to Cold Pizza.
Deamon: Good to be here Dana.
Dana: Well, my first question is how do feel about getting a shot at the E….OX Title and how do you feel about having to go through 6 other men to get it.
Deamon: Well 5 ½ if you count what Curly Long really is. Anyway I feel that someone actual figured out that I am more than low card filler. I am going to be a main eventer someday and this is my first step. Spaz has desecrated that Title with the new design. Do you have a picture of him and the Title, put it up. *The screen turns into a picture of Spaz holding his title* Yeah, look at this ugly freak. Do you really think I can’t beat him this Sunday? Of course I can. It’s the 4 other guys that I have to get through first is the problem I’ve got. EN Bunk, and Bolt are no problem. Curly will be gone quick. Virus is big but I have a big guy of my own to help me.
Jay: Isn’t that your brother Jacola?
Deamon: Yep, I’ll talk about him later though, Then there’s me, the master of the DDT. I am destined to win this match.
Jay: So what about your brother Jacola? Is he the enforcer of the group.
Deamon: Jacola’s a good kid, got a great future ahead of him, but ever since Toomi didn’t pick him for the Survival Cage, he’s been moping around for some reason. He’s doubting himself. I think he just need someone to destroy to make himself feel better.
Jay: Well I have also read news that you were in a charity hockey game in your hometown of Monroe, Michigan last week.
Deamon: Yeah, me and Sever regularly do this game where athletes take on TV and movies stars in a game against cancer. I find it fun to crush the newest flavor of the week for local TV. It’s just fun..
Dana: Anything interesting happen in that game?
Deamon: Damn near knocked out some local TV celeb. They had to drag him off of the ice to check him out. Grade 2 concussion baby!
Dana: That’s horrible!
Deamon: That’s fun!
Dana: Anyway, about your brother Jacola. Where do you think he will be in four months.
Deamon: I think that he’ll be with me, the new OX Champion, winning the new EWT Tag Team Championship. The Ragnals ain’t got nothing on us, those pretty boys can’t touch us. There is no denying it. We are the future of the EWT.
Dana: Well thank you Deamon. Would you like to stay a little longer for a little 1st &10?
Deamon: Why not.
Dana: We’ll be right back with more Cold Pizza.
*The camera fades out to commercial.*
*half an hour later*
Jay: Were on extra points now and we would like to invite a special guest up to the desk. EWT Superstar Deamon Cohln.
Woody: Why are we inviting a fake athelte up here?
Deamon: Woody, you can talk when you actually win a Around The Horn, ok?
Jay: Ok first topic, Sidney Crosby, he’s had a steller year so far, the question is how will he do in the rest of the season.
Woody: I like Sidney, he is the future of the Pittsburg Penguins, he’s got the skills he’s got the…
Deamon: Jesus Christ, marry this guy or something, You guys are hyping this kid too much, take a few of those Red Wings young guys. Those guys know how to play the new NHL style. Now if you want a good defensive offense men, that may be it but he is not the next Howe.
Woody: Don’t you interrupt me again, you have no idea what you are talking about…
Deamon: I will hop over this desk and smash your face in if you insult my intelligence.
Woody: You. Don’t. Know. What. Your. Talking. Abou… *Deamon jumps over the table and attacks Woody*
Deamon: *He stands up* Where’s your gift of gab now! You just got your ass kicked, AND THAT’S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
*Deamon walks out f the 1st and 10 studio. Jay steps next to Woody who’s on the ground bleeding.*
Jay: We’ll be back to Cold Pizza in a couple of minutes. Someone get a medic.
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Doomrider
Hank Scorpio
I wanna bang Marla.
Posts: 6,058
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Post by Doomrider on Jan 5, 2006 0:59:53 GMT -5
-=Scene=- Late Night With Conan O’Brien returns from commercial with Conan sitting at his desk as the band plays a short little ditty. Conan takes a sip from his mug and sets it back down.
-=Conan O’Brien=- Ok folks, and we’re back…You know here at NBC we’re starting new seasons of many of our old television shows, so I think it’s time we start to prepare our old characters for the new season. Now the best way to refresh these characters is by introducing new ones, so let’s bring out two of our old characters, Masturbating Bear and the Coked-Up Werewolf!
-=Scene=- The crowd goes nuts as the curtain to the side of the stage opens and the two characters come out. The Masturbating Bear theme plays as the Coked-Up Werewolf twitches a lot and dances to the music. The camera cuts to Conan who has his hand up as a sign for them to stop.
-=Conan O’Brien=- Ok, both of these characters, still fresh, still entertaining…could use some company. So here are the newest members of the Conan O’Brien character team, The…erotic middle-aged chef and drunken luchador??!?! This isn’t what we rehe…
-=Scene=- No music plays as Senor Splash and “Delicious” Dick Slater emerge fro, behind the curtain in their usual attire. Senor slams an arm around the Coked-Up Werewolf. Dick eyes up the Bear and starts grinding against him. Conan tries to make the best of it.
-=Conan O’Brien=- Listen, you guys are going to bring a lot to our char…
-=Senor Splash=- Shut it O’Brien or I’ll rape your abuela!
-=Conan O’Brien=- You sun of a…leave my grandma out of this!
-=Scene=- Conan begins to charge Senor Splash as the technical difficulties screen pops up for a few seconds. We return to Senor sitting in Conan’s seat and Conan is nowhere to be found.
-=Senor Splash=- Welcome back to the EARLY Show with Senor Splash…Early because I jush started drinking….Ole! Allow me to introduce my co-host, Del….Dick! Leave La Bamba alone!
-=Scene=- Cut to Dick and La Bamba sucking face like two pimply face teens during the last song of the school dance. We cut back to Senor Splash resting his fist against his mouth and gagging. He then vomits all over the desk furiously.
-=Senor Splash=- Oh well…I was gonna do that at some point tonight anyway! Now I’m gonna bring out my special very guest shhhtar…uhhh….”Delicious” Dick Slater! PLAY HIM TO THE f***ing DESK-O!
-=Scene=- The band plays a seductive, sleazy song as Dick dances his way to the chair. He high fives Senor and sits down with his legs spread. The camera cuts to disgusted faces in the crowd. Splash motions to cut the music, leans on the desk, and fiddles with some cards.
-=Senor Splash=- So, Dick…we’ve been in the EWT for like, what? Uno month-os now? How can you judge our performancio?
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- Well Senor…we’ve made a sexy impact on the EWT…and definitely have pushed it to the limit…I’m going to go out on limb here and say…best tag team in the EWT. I mean, who else is coming anywhere close to being fired than we are?
-=Senor Splash=- I agree whole….-=Splash tears ass=- whole fartedly! Ole!
-=Scene=- The crowd, now mysteriously all holding tequila shots, yells “Ole!” in unison and downs their shots.
-=Senor Splash=- Hey…I like this…I could get used to my own talk show-o…
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- I could get used to my own La Bamba…
-=Scene=- Awkward close up camera cuts between La Bamba and Dick while “Broken Wings” by Mister Mister plays.
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- Anyway Splash, I don’t think we’ll last, especially with you…you push it too far..Toom E. will fire you before you can push it…you’re looking to get canned after that E-bay purchase you made.
-=Senor Splash=- Oh Si! Si! That wrestling attire I bought!
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- You are NOT wearing that during one of our matches. We’ll get canned for sure!
-=Senor Splash=- No no no Dick…Dick…Steve…Carl…Dick…that thing is great, in fact, I’m going to debut it RIGHT NOW!
-=Scene=- Senor Splash runs backstage as “Delicious” Dick looks slightly nervous.
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- Uhh, folks, it’s best you all turn your heads and cover the ears of the young’ins, cause…
-=Scene=- The Blue Blazer’s WWF theme begins to play through the soundstage as the curtain wiggles, suggesting Senor Splash is coming out.
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Play us out La Bamba!
-=Scene=- The band begins to play to try and overpower the theme music as Dick runs to the curtain and tries to keep Splash behind it as the camera fades.
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jan 5, 2006 4:01:23 GMT -5
*The Late Show with David Letterman comes back from commercial.*
DL: Our first guest this evening is the current EWT OX Division Champion here to promote the upcoming EWT Post-Per-View Toom E’s House Party II. Please welcome Spaz.
*Paul Shaffer & the CBS Orchestra play their version of Party Starter as Spaz walks out. He is looking nice in a black suit with white pinstripes. He has the OX Title over his shoulder. He shakes Dave’s hand & they sit down.*
DL: Nice to have you back.
S: Nice to be back Dave. How’s Harry?
DL: He is great he gets bigger every day. I’m scared that I’m going to break a hip chasing him around the house.
*Crowd laughs as does Spaz.*
S: If you want to get fit you should come down to the EWT & train at our wrestling school. DSR Is our head trainer he is a multiple time EWT World Heavyweight Champion.
DL: I think I’m a little too old.
S: Nah Ric Flair & Hulk Hogan stil wrestle. They have a combined age of 264!
*Crowd laughs.*
DL: So that’s not the same belt you had last time. But I thought you were still OX Champ?
S: I am Dave but after a certain German botching master damaged the old one at our last PPV I decided to create a belt that was fitting of the Division & of me as a champion.
DL: That’s a lovely looking title. Is that a custom made belt?
S: Yes it is I designed it myself. The centre has the Australian Flag because I am Australian. It also has the US Flag because I live in America now & my greatest success has come in America. My girlfriend is American as well. On the sides it has the names of all the previous OX Champions. I think it is a fitting tribute to all the wrestlers who have worked to make this belt one of the most important titles in North America.
*The Crowd Claps.*
DL: It certainly is. Now tell me about your match at this upcoming show Toom E’s House Party II.
S: Well the company’s owner Toom E Dangerously’s Birthday is January 8. So for his birthday he has decided to put on a show that features the matches he wants to see. So I took a proposal to him. Me vs 5 of the best up and coming talent in EWT. I chose these 5 men myself I also chose this match myself. It was the match in which my first OX Title reign was ended & I feel like I have unfinished business with this match.
DL: Wait a minute? You chose to take on 5 guys? Why not just 1 guy?
S: I pride myself on being a fighting champion Dave. I also respect the fans & know that they want to see something different. They don’t want to see the same type of match with the same guys every week. That’s why I chose the OX Gauntlet match.
DL: I see, so you are a glutton for punishment. What other matches are on the card?
S: Just one other match it’s a match for the World Title. It’s a Survival Cage match it also features 6 men. Moxie, the current Champ, Mike Ragnal, HitmanMark, HBH Bret Michaels, Limey & Billy “The Virgin” Ubermark. Both matches are sure to be classics Dave.
DL It looks that way. Now who are you facing in your match Spaz.
S: Well there is Curly Long, Deamon Cohln, Virus, EN Bunk & Bolt Bacana. Each of these men are up and comers who haven’t held any titles in EWT as yet that is why they are getting this opportunity at my belt. Whether any of them are good enough to take it from me yet you will have to tune into the PPV to find out.
DL: Well I hope you do come out on top. We will be back with Spaz after the break.
*Commercials play for a few minutes.*
S: Gee Dave you must like me I’m on first & get to segments this time!
DL: Well quite frankly I only did it so you don’t hit me with The Shockwave. I have seen that it looks painful!
S: It’s not called a finishing move for nothing!
DL: So far we have talked business. Tell us a little about yourself. You are an Australian right?
S: Yes, I’m from Sydney, I love it there but I don’t get back there as often as I would like with all my commitments here.
DL: So you live here now?
S: Yeah I’m living in Arizona at the moment. The EWT Corporate HQ is there so it’s convenient. Plus it’s a good place to live. Nice lifestyle.
DL: So what do you do when you are not wrestling?
S: I like cars I have had my favourite car shipped over from home. It’s a 2002 model V8 Holden Commodore. So I like to cruise around in that. I also play a bit of golf but I’m pretty bad at it. Arizona has some nice courses. I also like soccer, Hockey, Football. I’m a bit of a sports nut actually. I have a big screen set up in my gym at home so I can watch when I am working out.
DL: What teams do you like?
S: Well in NFL it’s the Giants, Hockey it’s the Rangers. In soccer it’s Liverpool. They will always be my first sporting love.
DL: So are you confident you can come out on top this weekend?
S: Sure I am Dave. I know that if I wrestle to my full potential I can beat anyone in the EWT.
DL: Toom E’s House Party II is only on Post Per View this Sunday 8th January at 7e 6c 4p. Ladies & Gentlemen please thank Spaz. We’ll be right back with Bloc Party.
*As the Late Show Logo comes up on the screen the band plays Party Starter again.*
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Jan 5, 2006 9:25:02 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously comes to the ring. He grabs the microphone & starts to speak:* Well, this Sunday is the day. Not only does it mark my birthday, but it also marks Toom E's House Party II & the return of the Survival Cage. And that is why I am here. I feel it is time to let the superstars in the back prepare for their matchup & find out who will be in which cage to start things off. Normally, I wouldn't do such an act but I have decided to be fair. So now, allow me to introduce to you the particpants. The EWT Heavyweight Champion, Moxie. HitmanMark. Limey. HeartBreak Hitman Brett Micheals. One half of the EWT Tag Team Champions, Mike Ragnal. And Billy "the Virgin" Ubermark. *All 6 men make their way to the ring, but stand on the outside on the apron, eager to hear the announcement.* Now boys, this Sunday...you are all in for the match of your life. This is not going to be an easy task. And you know what? *Toom E gets right up into Moxie's face.* This Sunday, you will NOT have a fun day. In fact, none of you will. And this Sunday, the official cage line ups are going to be as followed: Cage 1 Moxie versus Mike Ragnal
Cage 2 HitmanMark versus HeartBreak Hitman Brett Micheals
Cage 3 Billy "the Virgin" Ubermark versus Limey So boys...play nicely & don't get hurt...yet.
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