Crap-a-mania 2

[Toom E. Guci]

* Crap-a-mania 2 opens with a 16-piece orchestra in the ring playing a beautiful piece that involves every single EWT superstar. Fireworks are going off at the entryway & shooting down from the scaffold set up. Gymnasts are doing cartwheels around the ring as balloons drop from the ceiling. *

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, welcome to Crap-a-mania 2. This is our opening contest & it is scheduled for 1 fall. It is the School House Hardcore Match.

* Cut to a shot inside a school, where we see Mike Hodgsons. Mike is pacing down the hallway of the school, waiting for Joel...

PA System: Will Mike Hodgson come to the principal's office? Mike Hodsgon to the principal's office, please.

Mike: Okay...

Mike walks back up the hall, past a few classrooms, and into the office. The secretary points him his direction, and Mike walks past her, through a door, and behind the desk, the back of a leather chair faces him.

Mike: Oh, come on now. That's way too obvious!

Joel: *From behind him* What's too obvious?

Mike turns around to see Joel.

Mike: Whuh? Then who the hell is that?

The chair turns around and reveals a quaint little man, signing papers.

Principal: Can I help you?

Joel: Might want to call the school nurse.

Joel slams Mike's head down hard on the principal's desk.

Principal: That's detention.

Joel tries to Irish Whip Mike over the desk, but Mike halts it, trips Joel's legs, and Joel falls face first into the desk.

Joel: Ow.

Mike drags Joel out of the office by the hair, stops once in the hall to face wash Joel with his shoes, then picks him up to slam him into a locker. A frumpy teacher comes out of her classroom.

Frump: Keep it down, out here! We're trying to have a class!

Frump walks back into the classroom.

Mike: God, what a pregnant dog!

Joel: I know!

Joel puts Mike in the chancery position, and then pulls him down, driving his knee into Mike's back. Joel drags Mike through the hall by his ankles, and into the home ec room. Joel lets go of Mike, and goes to shuffle through some drawers.

Joel: Hmm...Soup ladle...

Mike: Cookie sheet.

Mike smacks him from behind with a cookie tin of DOOM. Mike whacks him with it again, and then picks Joel up, and actually DDT's him onto the cookie sheet.

Joel: Ow!

Mike yanks up Joel, and shoves his face into a sink, begins running water, and rubs a particularly itchy brillo pad into the side of his face, and Joel's shouts of pain are muffled by the water. After a while, Mike lets up, and Irish whips him over a desk. Mike runs and springboards off the desk, to land on Joel, but Joel puts him knees up, and they're driven into the stomach of Mike. Mike rolls off Joel, grabbing at his ribs, and Joel gets up.
Joel jumps up and double stomps Mike's ribs, hurting them worse, and then drags him out of the home ec room. He then takes him to the library. He yanks him over to a bookshelf and begins pulling off books.

Joel: Harry Potter...no. Stupid R.L. Stine book...no. Encyclopedia of Every Fact Known To Man....no.
Oh, here we go: War and Peace.

Mike punches Joel in the stomach, and grabs the book. He whomps it over Joel's head, and does it a second time which sends Joel sprawling. Two kids walk by.

Kid 1: What are those two nerds doing?

Kid 2: I dunno. Some gay wrestling thing.

Kid 1: Let's go skate!

Kid 2: Yeah!

Meanwhile, Mike has piledriven Joel on the checkout counter, and just walks away. Halfway down the hall, he stops;

Mike: How the hell do I win this match anyway?

The ref shows up in a hat and coat, opens a locker, puts away the hat and coat, and walks up to Joel.

Ref: Sorry I'm late.

Mike: Come on!

Mike runs down the hall, and to the entrance of the library, where he is sprayed in the face with fire extinguisher fluid. Joel then clocks Mike over the head with it, and takes a handful of his hair, taking him for a walk through the halls once more. Mike slaps away Joel's hand and tackles him, and they both begin rolling through the halls, trading harsh punches. The ref begins huffing and puffing after them.
Joel and Mike wind up in the cafeteria. They stop, and look around them. In their surroundings, the floor is completely littered with weapons of miniscule destruction: chairs, trashcans, trash lids, small appliances, everything a hardcore junkie could ever want.

Joel: How the hell did all this get here?

Mike: I don't know. But I'm using it.

Mike hits Joel with a VCR, and Joel goes staggering. Joel hits a table and picks up and throws the closest object he can get his hands on: a Gameboy. Mike ducks it, looks back at the object thrown, and then turns around to see Joel smack him over the head with a trash lid. Joel tries to Double Arm DDT Mike onto the lid, but Mike begins pushing into Joel, and Joel falls back, landing hard on a set up chair, jamming part of it into his back.
Joel rolls around on the floor, holding his back. Mike throws down a mini television set, but misses as Joel rolls out of the way. Joel finds a Kendo Stick and begins wailing on Mike’s legs from his laying down position, and eventually gets him to fall. Joel then gets up himself, and goes shuffling around for a weapon.

Mike is up to his knees, when Joel returns, and throws a toaster into his face. Mike falls over on his back, and Joel begins punching him in the head. Mike is now wearing the crimson mask, as Joel gets up and begins shuffling around for more junk.
Joel travels to the far ends of the cafeteria, and picks up a chair. He slaps the back like it’s his good buddy, and turns around to be struck with a keyboard by Mike, sending the keys flying everywhere. Joel goes down, and Mike looks around and picks up an old school Nintendo. He sets it down near Joel, and places his fingers into the cartridge slip. He hops up, looking to stomp the lid down on Joel’s fingers, but Joel pulls away, his hand still in the Nintendo.

Joel gets up, and slaps Mike across the face with his Nintendo hand, and Mike goes staggering. Mike falls, and rolls out of the way when Joel comes off a table and actually tries a fist drop with the Nintendo. Joel ends up jamming his hand into the machine. Joel pulls out of it, grasping at his hand.

Joel: I think I broke my hand! *Moves fingers* Nope, my career is safe!

Mike moonsaults off a table with a chair, and sandwiches it between the two of them as he lands on Joel. Mike rolls off of Joel and grabs his ribs, while Joel rolls around doing the same. The Janitor walks in at this moment.

Janitor: What the hell are you doing?

Mike and Joel, tired and haggard as hell, get up and stare at the janitor.

Janitor: Aren’t you two those wrestler idiots who broke up because he interrupted your videogame?

Mike: Yeah.

Joel: Hey…aren’t you Luke Brueggen, that guy who was a jerk to us all our high school lives?

Janitor: Yeah, I guess I am.

Mike and Joel clothesline Luke. They stomp on him for a few minutes, and eventually Mike picks him up for a powerbomb. Joel instinctively grabs Luke around the neck, and Joel and Mike complete the Revenge of the Nyrds. Joel and Mike jump up and begin to Cabbage Patch. They stop, and stare at each other for a long time.

Mike: ……….JOEL!

Joel: MIKE!

Both hug as old friends once more.

Joel: I can’t believe I hated you for three months!

Mike: I can’t believe I hated YOU for seven months!

Joel: Wait, what?

Mike: Nevermind! Joel, I FRIGGIN’ HATE GTA!

Joel: Mike, you don’t know how happy I am to hear that!

Mike: X-BOX SUCKS!!!!

Joel: Mike, quickly! There’s Contra to be had!

Mike: YEAH!

Joel and Mike walk off, and the ref stands there, confused.

Ref: Hey. What’s going on anyway?

The bell rings.

Ref: Ooh, lunchtime.

* Cut back to the ring, where the announcer stands with a confused look on his face. *

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: The following contest is a No DQ, No Count out, fall count anywhere match. Entering first...

*Lightning effects on the ToomiTron. High Voltage plays as Mike Ragnal enters and heads down to the ring.*

Announcer: From Scranton, PA...The Master of Elemental Disaster, Mike RAGNAL!

*"Peace Sells" plays as Carl heads down the ramp, mic in hand.*

LILLIAN: Originally from Baja California, Mexico.... but now residing in Phoenix, Arizona.... "The Peacebringer" Carl... GUERRERO!

*He signals to cut the music, and starts to talk, feet away from the ring.*

CARL:Look ,esse, this match was all your idea. And you know very well that I ain't gonna lower myself to such a caveman brawl. I’m a Peacebringer, esse, and I have standards. That, and you gave me a concussion. So, you know what...I forfeit!

*Carl drops the mic and starts to walk up the ramp.*

LILLIAN: Well, by forfeit, then, here is your wi-

*Mike takes the mic from Lillian.*

MIKE: Carl...despite what you might think, since this is a Falls Count Anywhere match, the bell doesn't have to ring for the match to start. So, there are no forfeits!

*Carl turns around with a worried look. He sees Mike charging at him with a steel chair, and heads into the back. Mike decides to circle around the ToomiTron, and head into the back that way instead of going through the curtain.*

*Cut to Carl, running around somewhere in the back. Carl stops, however, as he runs into a steel chair to the face, courtesy of a sneaky Mike. Carl drops to the floor, and Mike bashes Carl repeatedly with the chair to the gut. Mike picks Carl up, grabs his head, and smashes it against the wall. He grabs tt again, and smashes it into the other wall. Mike grabs his head again, and tosses Carl into the buffet table. Mike picks up some wiring and goes to wrap it around Carl's neck, but Carl turns without warning and throws coffee into Mike's eyes!*

MIKE:Gaaaaah!

*Mike is temporarily blinded, and Carl runs off. Suddenly, Carl runs into Eddie Guerrero.*

EDDIE: Hey, esse! What the hell do you think you're doing?!

CARL: Eddie! Thank God, I need your help!

EDDIE: Hey, whoa, whoa, easy, Holmes, I may be the value of the familia, but you brought this upon yourself, esse!

CARL: No, wait, I-

*Mike attacks Carl from behind with a fire extinguisher. Eddie heads off, telling Mike,’ He’s all yours!'*

MIKE: Let’s see how you like being blinded, ya f***er!

*Mike releases the stuff from inside the extinguisher into Carl's face, and Carl grabs his eyes in pain. Mike tosses the extinguisher away, and pins Carl.*

1!2!

*Carl kicks out. Mike picks Carl up by the head and tosses him onto a table. Coincidentally, this table is set up by a vending machine. Mike gets an idea, and climbs on top of the vending machine, and points up.*

MIKE: It’s time for the thunder-

*He slowly points it downward*

MIKE: To strike down on you!

*Mike hits the High Voltage onto Carl, putting him through the table. Mike goes for the pin again.*

1!2!

*Kick out by Carl. Mike picks Carl up again, but this time Carl lowblows him. Mike grabs hold of himself, and Carl punches Mike in the face. He punches about six times before Mike counters, and clotheslines Carl to the ground.*

MIKE: Is that all you got?!

*Mike picks Carl up and lifts him high into the air, and tosses him into the nearest wall. That wall, of course, has a bench next to it, and Carl hits the wall, lands just over the bench, but rolls off and hits the edge of the bench. Carl now has brush burns on the back of his body. He grabs his back in pain, and Mike pins him once more.*

1!2!3...

*NO! Carl gets his shoulder up just before the three count! Mike gets up and looks in disbelief! He decides it's time for one last defense, and picks Carl up, and places him on his shoulders for the Ragnalrok! Just as he spins him over his head for the finish, Carl somehow is able to his Mike with a hurricanarama roll up pin!*

1!2!3!

*The bell rings. Carl lies on the ground, breathing and resting, as refs crowd over him and try to help him up. Mike gets up and looks at Carl in shock and anger. He could not believe how the match endemic looked at Carl as if he was going to break him in half, but then he looked to the ground, calms down...and applauds Carl. He claps for him, and walks into the back.

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for ONE Fall... the loser will be fired from the EWT!!! By order of Toomi Bischoff, all members of the P.T.A... have been banned from ringside!!!
A heavy metal version of the "Home Improvement" them starts playing with shredding guitars & Tim's patented grunt is being accompanied by the violent sounds of barking K-9s. The crowd immediately begins booing.

Introducing first...now residing in a... tree house in his backyard, weighing in at 245 pounds, representing the P.T.A. He is Tim " The Toooooooooooolman " Terror!!!

Tim slowly walks out without his fellow PTA members, the crowd booing him immensely as he comes down to the ring with his patented tool belt He quickly rolls into the ring, taking off his tool belt and taunting the crowd.

Suddenly... Paul Theme hits the ToomiTron and he comes running out, still wearing his neck brace, he looks pumped and ready to rip Tim's face off.

Announcer: And his opponent... currently residing in Birmingham Alabama... weighing in at 312 pounds, Paul... Podanski!!!

Paul quickly sprints down to the ring to get this match started, sliding inside and rising to his feet to take Tim down to the mat with a few lefts and rights, Tim reeling from Paul's blatant assault, being overpowered completely as Paul grabs Tim and lifts him up for a Manhattan Drop. Tim groans in pain as Paul quickly takes him down to the mat with a vicious clothesline to the neck. He immediately rolls Tim over and starts punching him in the face brutally...

Tim tries to escape the punching flurry of Paul to no avail. He just keeps punching and punching for what seems to be an entire minute. Slowly he lifts Tim back up to the mat and whips him head first into the nearby turnbuckle... hard. Tim's head bounces off the turnbuckle as he turns around, only to get lifted up by Paul for a reverse suplex to the mat. He immediately goes for a cover 1.... 2...

But Tim kicks out of the pin. Paul groans, grabbing Tim's head and slamming it hard into the mat, then rising back up to his feet. Tim immediately follows, only to get a few more punches to the face. Paul is dominating the match so far, lifting up Tim for another suplex, but this time, Tim counters, dropping behind Paul and grabbing him by the neck and taking him down in a neckbreaker. Paul screams in pain as he's taken to the mat, holding his injured neck.

Tim glares and starts stomping away at Paul's neck, trying to damage it even further. He soon leaps up and nails a leaping elbow drop to the injured neck area, Paul writhing in agony as Tim lifts up Paul now. He immediately hoists him up and locks in a Dragon Sleeper, putting even more pressure on Paul's neck... Paul screaming in pain as Tim applies more and more pressure with each passing second.

Tim keeps the hold locked in, Paul desperately trying to escape it somehow... but in vain as Tim keeps the hold locked in. Soon, the effects of the submission start to take effect as Paul starts to get closer to going unconcious, soon he stops moving completely. The ref walks over and lifts his arm up 1.... no movement. 2.... again Paul doesn't move. 3... no Paul manages to keep the arm from dropping, Tim unable to believe it!

Terror immediately starts wrenching the neck area, trying desperately to take Paul down, but Paul starts to fight back, slowly leaning forward and lifting Tim onto his back, the sleeper still applied, but Paul grabbing him from behind and flipping him to the mat, falling over and down to the mat from the damage to his neck though. Tim groans and slowly starts to rise back to his feet, walking over and lifting Paul back to his feet

But no... Paul starts fighting back again, with blows to the body of Tim as Paul starts to stir again, determined not to lose to him. He eventually pummels Tim into the turnbuckle corner, looking to the crowd who pops as he goes for a wind up and pitches out a punch, but Tim quickly ducks underneath, grabbing Paul and rolling him up into a pin attempt 1.... 2....

But Paul powers out, Tim losing his grip as Paul rises back up to the mat, Tim grabbing him by the neck immediately and attempting a DDT, but Paul not letting that happen and shoving Tim down HARD to the mat. Tim groans as Paul lifts him up by the neck, and hoists him up in suplex position... holding him there for a bit... it's the Appauler! He immediately falls backward and slams him hard to the mat again.

Tim lies there, pretty much motionless as Paul somehow pops back up to his feet and points to the turnbuckle, the crowd cheering as he quickly ascends to the top turnbuckle and leaps off the top, going for the Appaulachian Mountain Splash, but somehow Tim rolls out of the way and Paul slams hard into the mat. He holds his possibly further injured neck as Tim puts an arm over Paul for a pin attempt. 1....2....

NO!!! Paul kicks out somehow. Tim can't believe it. He slowly gets up to the mat... as Paul stays down, trying to recover. Tim looks down and leaps up for a leg drop to Paul's throat... nailing it. Paul groans in pain, coughing up a little blood. Tim looks down and smirks, lifting Paul back to his feet and taking him down to the mat with a snap mare, following up with a dropkick to the back of his neck. Paul groans again... as Tim rises back up, and then kicks Paul square in the throat with a soccer kick. Paul holds his neck again as he coughs up more blood.

Tim slowly lifts Paul back to his feet and hits a downward spiral on him, taking Paul to the mat as he continues to cough up blood. Tim quickly goes over to the turnbuckle where he left his tool belt, pulling out a hammer and holding it up, the ref coming over to try and pry it out of his hands. But suddenly Paul gets back up and runs forward, going for a flying clothesline, but Tim shoving the ref into the way, Paul hitting him instead and taking him out of the action.

Paul slowly rises to his feet, only to get smashed in the forehead by Tim's hammer, busting him open from the forehead. Tim smirks and cockily throws away the hammer, some guy in the audience catching it. He then rolls out of the ring and searches for more tools, pulling out the sledgehammer and lifting it up in the air. Paul is barely able to move now as Tim rolls back into the ring and holds the hammer up. He then proceeds to swing it aiming at Paul's neck... but Paul rolls out of the way, instead Tim making a dent in the ring. He slowly turns around, only to have Paul grabs him by the neck, pissed off right now and somehow getting more gas in his tank as he tosses him halfway across the ring, then grabbing his tool belt and pulling out... a box of nails. The crowd goes nuts and starts chanting Holy poopy as Paul opens the box and dumps them all over the ring. The ref is still knocked out.

Tim is pretty much dazed and confused as he slowly gets up, looking over at Paul who turns around, walking around the bed of nails and towards Tim, but Tim immediately grabs Paul and starts applying the Binford Robogrip 9000, Paul screaming in pain again as the Toolman keeps applying more and more pressure, Paul simply writhing in agony. He starts trying to fight out of it... but Tim doesn't seem want to let go.

Soon, it seems that Paul is going to tap any minute, but keeps holding on just a bit longer as Tim keeps it applied for at least two entire minutes. Soon though, Paul desperately fights out of the hold, rising to his feet and kicking Tim square in the gut. He’s now got a crimson mask on his face.

Tim holds his stomach area as Paul signals for the end; hoisting Tim over to the bed of nails he's laid out as the crowd starts chanting again... Paul spinning around 1...2....3....4....5....6....7.... and power bombing Tim into the nails, Tim screaming in agony as some of the nails go into his skin, Paul quickly going for the cover... as the referee starts to stir.

1....2.....3!!!!!

Announcer: here is your winner... Paul... Podanski!!!

Paul slowly rises to his feet, bloody and battered, barely able to stand, slowly exiting the ring, holding his further injured neck in pain, almost limping back up the ramp as Tim lays there motionless. Suddenly though, Paul turns around... still barely able to stand. He walks over to the ring again, slides back in and pulls out a bottle of alcohol.

Paul immediately chugs it down and then pukes all over the face of Tim, to the delight of everyone. He then exits the ring and heads backstage.

[Toom E. Guci]

*The Fink is in the Ring, he picks up the mike. Surrounding the ring are tables propped up against the crowd barriers, a good 20ft ladder stands at the ramp way*

FINK: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the EWT Tri-State Championship . . . It is the Tables, Ladders &Chairs match! The winner of this match is the first man to climb the ladder and take the title!

*The crowd begins to clamor for the match to start, as ‘Apocalypse Please’ blares out of the arena speakers, the smoke rises and Maelstrom is here! He points to the crowd and then the ring before heading to the ring*

FINK: The challenger, hailing from somewhere in the aquarium . . . he is the Master of the Whirlpool . . . he is MAELSTROM!!

*Maelstrom climbs up the apron as the crowd pops for the challenger, he is wearing his usual wrestling attire. The Fink backs away as Maelstrom recognizes the crowd. . He then looks up at the title hanging from the rafters!*

FINK: and his opponent . . .

*On that “like a Virgin” springs to life from the speakers, The crowd yells out a chorus of boos as the Tri-State Champion heads to the ring, he warily looks at the tables that line the ramp way, and the ladder that stands by the side of the ring.*

FINK: . . . Hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota, he is the reigning EWT Tri-State Champion . . . Billy ‘The Virgin’ Ubermark! . . .

*Billy cautiously climbs the steps and enters the ring, while a determined Maelstrom paces in the far corner, the ref calls for the bell and we are underway*

GORILLA MONSOON: Hello everybody, I’m alongside Jesse Ventura. We are in for a great match tonight, these two men have wanted to hurt each other for a long time and now is there time to settle there score once and for all! . . .

JESSE: That’s right Monsoon . . . this is going to be brutal . . . but just because Maelstrom is a big guy don’t count out Billy, he beat him before he can do it again . . .

GORILLA: Well looks like were underway Jesse . . .

Billy is still by his corner, as Maelstrom on hearing the bell immediately steps towards Billy, who bails out of the ring, the ref talks to Maelstrom as Billy tries to focus on this big match. Maelstrom fed up of Billy’s stalling, gets out of the ring. Billy seeing this high-tails it behind the steps, Maelstrom follows and the chase is on.

GORILLA: Look at this cowardice by Billy, he’s supposed to be a champion. .

JESSE: this is just a tactical maneuver by Billy, he’s luring Maelstrom in. . .

GORILLA: Are you kidding me! . . .

After a bit, Billy slides into the ring and Maelstrom follows, which leads him straight into a series of kicks by Billy. Maelstrom starts to shrug these off, Billy sensing that his blows are doing little to faze the big man. Climbs the near corner to the second turnbuckle and leaps off with a flying forearm to Maelstrom’s head, Maelstrom staggers from the blow and has to use the ropes to stay upright! Billy attempts to capitalize on this by bouncing off the ropes with a cross-body! . . .

JESSE: bad choice by Billy! . . .

Maelstrom has caught Billy; he walks around the ring before crashing down to the canvas with a powerslam! . . . Billy staggers back to his feet, only to be knocked back down to the mat from a Maelstrom right-hand! Maelstrom heads to the outside and grabs a chair which he throws into the ring, he then picks up one of the many tables and slides that in as well. Billy gets up as Maelstrom reenters the ring. Maelstrom picks up the chair . . . Dropkick by Billy the steel chair connects with Maelstrom’s skull. And the big man drops to all fours. Billy immediately hits a sitting dropkick to the ribs and then follows with an elbow drop! . . .

GORILLA: Billy really caught Maelstrom there . . . blood is running down his face. .

JESSE: I knew Billy had Maelstrom’s number . . .

Billy picks up Maelstrom and hits a snap-suplex on the chair! Billy stands up his back to Maelstrom and raises his hands in celebration mocking the crowd a smile on his face!

*The crowd viciously chants ‘You can’t get any!’ at Billy*

. . . Maelstrom Kips up! . . . Billy turns around . . . Chokeslam by Maelstrom to Billy! . . .

*the crowd roars with approval*

Maelstrom picks up the table and sets it up against a turnbuckle, he then heads to the outside giving Billy a couple of stomps as he goes. Maelstrom grabs the ladder; after a brief struggle getting the Ladder folded Maelstrom places it out on the apron to slide it in the ring. But Billy is up; he runs off the ropes, running dropkick to the ladder, Maelstrom is knocked to the floor. Billy Smirks and brings the ladder into the ring. He sets it up in the center, and begins to climb. Maelstrom is back up; he grabs a chair and enters the ring, and cracks it across Billy’s back. Billy falls to the canvas with a thud. Maelstrom picks up Billy and nails him with a backbreaker, the blood dripping down his face. He then lays into Billy with a series of rights and lefts, Billy attempts to cover up, but the damage is done. Maelstrom turns to the ladder and begins to climb it . . .

GORILLA: Now who’s this? . . .

A bald man wearing a Billy Ubermark T-shirt vaults the barrier and enters the ring, he is clearly recognizable as one of Billy’s Disabled Virgin Veterans and he is trying to push the ladder over! The ladder falls but Maelstrom jumps down landing on his feet, he looks angrily at the interfering man. Kick to the abdomen on the bald veteran, Maelstrom lifts him up for what looks like an electric chair drop! . . But Billy is back to his feet, he charges the pair, and hits a Cactus Jack style clothesline sending all three over the top to the floor!

*The crowd chants for ‘Maelstrom’*

Maelstrom is first up, but is immediately caught by the bald man with a full nelson . . . Billy climbs to his feet and lays into Maelstroms bloody face with a series of punches to the gut. Billy steps back and charges forward to hit Maelstrom with some sort of running move . . . but wait . . . the crowd pops as Spaz has come out of the crowd and cut off Billy with a spinning heel kick off the barrier . . .

JESSE: Now what is this buffoon doing here! . . . This is hardly fair to Billy!

GORILLA: Neither is Billy’s lackey fair to Maelstrom!

JESSE: Oh come on . . . Billy needs some sort of Equalizer; Maelstrom is a monster of a man!

Spaz then turns to the Bald Virgin Veteran, and cracks a chair across the guys back! . . . He then lays into him with a few kicks before hitting the Down-Under DDT! . . . Spaz picks up the Virgin Veteran and walks off backstage, giving thumbs up to Maelstrom as he goes! Maelstrom turns his attention back to Billy who is sprawled on the floor! . . Maelstrom picks Billy up and slams him into the post, Billy clutches his back in pain as Maelstrom pulls out a kendo stick from under the ring, he swings but Billy ducks and hits a Legsweep on Maelstrom. Billy picks up the Kendo stick and cracks it across Maelstroms back repeatedly! Billy grabs a table and sets it up on the outside, Billy then pulls Maelstrom up on to the table and then goes into the ring and climbs up the turnbuckle . . . he takes one look at the crowd and attempts a Frog Splash . . .

JESSE: Oh No!

Maelstrom has rolled off the table; Billy crashes through the table taking the nasty bump. . The crowd chants ‘Holy S#%t’ as Billy struggles out of the debris, his face busted open. Maelstrom gets back to a vertical base and pulls out another ladder from under the ring; he climbs back in the ring and begins to set it up . . . Billy remains in a bloody heap on the outside as Maelstrom begins to climb slowly . . . The crowd begins to cheer as Maelstrom reaches the higher steps, but Billy is up and rolls into the ring. Seeing Maelstrom nearly at the top of the ladder he throws a chair at him, nut it barely connects, So Billy starts to climb the other side! . . . The crowd get to its feet as the two reach the top at the same time, they trade punches . . . Billy gets the upper hand and puts Maelstrom in a headlock. . Tornado DDT off the ladder! . . . both men are down as the crowd goes crazy for such a sick move . . . slowly the two men begin to get up . . Realizing that they both are up, the two men slug it out again . . . Maelstrom however gains the upper hand and lifts Billy into the powerbomb position. . Billy attempts to punch his way out of it, forcing Maelstrom to walk near the corner with the table propped up . . . but his punches aren’t having the same zing they did earlier in the match. . Whirlpool into the table!! . . . Billy is down and out, as a weary Maelstrom hangs onto the top rope! . . He turns back to the ladder and props it up. . He starts to climb. . Billy is stirring though as Maelstrom’s fingertips reach the title. In desperation Billy charges the ladder and hits a spinning wheel kick onto the ladder. Maelstrom goes crashing down to the mat. Billy is on his back and looks up at his Tri-State Title a new determination on his face! . . . He slowly crawls his way up the ladder, which had miraculously bounced off the ropes back into a standing position. Maelstrom using the ropes hauls himself back up, and begins to climb the other side of the ladder . . . the crowd chants, cheers, boos as the tow men climb the ladder . . . they both reach the top, but continue to climb . . .

Gorrilla: Well this is the most unsafe thing I have ever seen!

The two men both stand on the top rung of the ladder attempting to reach the title. . Maelstrom grabs it and Billy also locks his hands around the gold. . The Ladder sways menacingly . . . and then falls! But the tow men are so determined they have both held on . . . Wait what’s Maelstrom doing. . He’s unhooking the belt! . . .

JESSE: This is the most evil thing I’ve seen since the Undertaker set your teddy bear on fire Gorilla!

GORRILA: Puh-lease. . That was Vince McMahon. .

Maelstrom and Billy are still 20ft in the air holding onto the belt, as Maelstrom still tries to loosen the belt . . .backstage officials, EMT’s and Toomi Bishoff are all on the ramp way watching this spectacle! . . . Billy is shaking his head at Maelstrom’s attempts to free the belt! Maelstrom simply looks at Billy and mouths the words ‘going down!’ . . . The Belt is free!! . . . the two men plummet to the ground . .

GORILLA: Oh My God!! Never in my 40 years in this business have I seen anything as brutal as that!!

As the audience chants the religious manure phrase, the camera reveals both men on the canvas, both still with a hand gripped on the belt! . . . The two men come two. . There bodies battered and bloody, on seeing the belt they both begin to pull at it . . . neither giving an inch . . . the officials rush to the ring . . . but in a shocking picture. . The Tri-State Belt rips in half! . . .

*Maelstrom with one half and Billy the other! The two men attempt to argue with each other on the floor as to who the champion is, despite the pain they are in. While Toomi Brings his hands to his face in despair, instead of settling this feud, the TLC match has created more problems . . . Billy crawls to the EWT stage half the title in his hands shouting at Maelstrom that this is his title. . Maelstrom shouts back saying its his! . . . The crowd roars with approval at the display they have just seen as Maelstrom holds up half the title his other hand holding his damaged ribs!*

(cut to Jim Ross trying to unconvincingly sing the praises of the latest album by Nile, ‘Annihilation of the Wicked’)

[Toom E. Guci]

*As we head back to the arena, the ring is surrounded with all sorts of weapons, including the weapons Joe recommended for this match, most items hanging from the ring ropes via steel chains. Lillian gets inside the ring to announce the match.*

Announcer: The following contest is the first ever Fun House match. Introducing first-

*Faint plays as Joe Ragnal enters and heads to the ring.*

Announcer: From Scranton, PA…the Cloudbreaker, Joe RAGNAL!

*Poor and Weird plays as Chocula, carrying Oglethorpe on his shoulders, enters and heads to the ring.*

Announcer :And his opponent…Ultimo CHOCULA!

*As Chocula stands up in the ring, Joe slaps Chocula in the face with a custard pie. Chocula stands dead still as the foil plate slowly falls off his face, and he licks the pie around his lips. He looks around at the crowd, as if to say,” Tell me he didn’t just do that.” After a few seconds he swings Oglethorpe at Joe, but Joe ducks under the stick. Chocula turns around and Joe kicks him in the gut, runs to the ropes, and hits a Scissors Kick on Chocula. Joe grabs Oglethorpe and tosses him outside the ring. Joe grabs Chocula by the head, and rams it into a chair hanging by the ropes. Chocula falls hard on the mat, and rolls out of the ring. Joe reacts to the crowd’s cheer and bows to all four sides. Uc gets up, grabbing the side of the ring for leverage and sees Ragnal starting up the crowd. As Joe looks to the crowd behind him, Chocula grabs Joe from behind and hits a Russian Leg Sweep on Joe.*

“UC sees his opening and goes to the outside where he rummages around for a weapon. He decides on a chair but keeps looking around for something. Then he finds it. He puts on a La Parka mask, grabs the chair, and gets back into the ring where Ragnal is slowly getting back up to his feet. As soon as Ragnal turns around BAM! UC cracks him over the head with the chair. UC does the La Parka strut then takes off the mask and poses for the crowd. He goes to pin Joe.”

1!
2!

*Ragnal kicks out. Chocula picks Joe up and whips him into the ropes, but Joe counters and whips him into the ropes. Joe goes for a dropkick, but Chocula grabs the ropes to keep from bouncing off, causing Joe to kick the air and land hard on the canvas. Chocula bounces off the second rope and hits a Lionsault onto Joe. Chocula pins Joe again.*

1!2!

*Joe kicks out. Chocula goes to the ref and argues that should have been three. As he does this, Joe grabs a bottle of seltzer water hanging from the ropes. Once Chocula is done arguing with the ref, Chocula goes to grab Joe, but Joe turns around and sprays the water into Chocula’s face, spraying the remains of the pie off of it. Chocula turns and wipes the water off his face, and Joe grabs another pie. As Chocula gets up, Joe simply tosses the pie to Chocula, which he catches and holds at face level, as Joe kicks the pie into Chocula’s face ala the Vandaminator! Chocula falls to the ground, the pie landing on his face.*


”Ragnal walks towards UC looking to put him away. UC, on his stomach near the edge of the ring, is searching for something to use on Joe and then he finds it. Suddenly UC turns and trips Ragnal with Oglethorpe, his favorite hockey stick, and Joe goes down. Ragnal gets up only to receive a stab in the gut. As Ragnal is bent over UC rears back and gives Ragnal a slap shot across the face that sends Ragnal rocketing back to the mat. Ragnal is busted open now and is bleeding a gusher. UC brings Oglethorpe down across Ragnal's stomach three times then, just to be a jerk, gives him a stab in the ghoulies. Ragnal is paying as UC is taunting him. UC picks Ragnal up and sends him into the ropes. As Ragnal comes at him UC blasts him with a turnaround spinning slap shot. Ragnal lies on the canvas and UC goes to the ropes and jumps up for a leg drop using the hockey stick as a bracer. He comes down with Oglethorpe nailing Ragnal directly in the windpipe. UC goes for a pin.

1.........
2.........

Ragnal kicks out. UC picks Ragnal up so he's on his knees and starts to choke him with Oglethorpe. When he's done UC throws Ragnal to the canvas. UC stands in the middle of the ring and celebrates by posing as the Statue Of Liberty with the hockey stick as the torch. Ragnal is staggering up and UC once again brings Oglethorpe across his throat but turns and gives Ragnal a Rude Awakening with the stick across Ragnal's neck. Sensing victory, UC climbs to the top turnbuckle and is motioning with the stick for Ragnal to get up. Once Ragnal is up UC leaps off with a diving slap shot breaking Ragnal open even more. UC goes for another pin.

1.........
2.........

Another kick out by Ragnal. Chocula looks down at Ragnal in shock and argues with the ref again, dropping Oglethorpe in the process. Joe gets to his feet using the ropes as leverage. Chocula turns again and picks Joe up. Ultimo looks to go for the Sugar Fix, but Joe nails him in the nads with a kick before he can even get it in. Chocula grabs his manhood, as Joe grabs him by the head, runs around the turnbuckle, and lands the Windfall on Chocula. Rather than going for the pin, Joe grabs Oglethorpe, goes to the top turnbuckle, and jumps for a legdrop, using the hockey stick as a bracer. Chocula is cringing in pain, but Joe goes for one last move. He drops Oglethorpe, and drags Chocula outside the ring, and places him on the Spanish announce table. He places a mirror on top of Chocula, and drags a ladder into the ring, sets it up, gets to the top, and lands the Cloudbreaker on Chocula. Joe goes for the pin.*

1!2!3!

*The bell rings. Joe rolls out of the ring, and grabs onto his stomach, the many liters of blood flowing from his head. The ref grabs Joe’s arm as he walks to the ramp, and Joe looks back at the ring. He mouths to Chocula,’ Yer not as insane as I thought.’ He turns around and heads to the back.*

[Toom E. Guci]

*Suddenly "Down With The Sickness" by Disturbed blares from the speakers.
A single spotlight hits the curtain and out walks... D-BOY!
The crowd erupts and starts chanting for D-Boy as he walks solemnly to the ring. He asks for a mic and waits for the cheers to die down. *

D-Boy: "It's been a long time since I was last here. The truth is I'm retired *fans boo*... but two things have made me come back. *Fans cheer*
The most important reason is a young man named Christopher Bauman Jr., better know to the world as Chri$ Ca$h... *a silence falls over the crowd. Then slowly a 'Chri$ F'N Ca$h' chant starts up and last for several minutes*
Chri$ Ca$h was a young man who went into the ring and gave it his all. He might not have main evented too many cards. He might not have won too many belts. But he had a helluva lotta heart and he always went out there and gave of that heart.
I saw Ca$h come up from being a fresh faced kid, straight outta wrestling school, to a dedicated performer, who lead a team of his peers into the main event of CZW's Cage Of Death 6.
Chri$ Ca$h feared nothing, or, if he did, he faced those fears and stared them down and gave above and beyond to entertain the fans and create his art in the ring.

*Another 'Chri$ F'N Ca$h' chant start up*

D-Boy: "Now, I could stand here and talk about Chri$ Ca$h all day, but I'm sure he would agree that actions speak louder than words. And I seem to owe you people a retirement match. So I wanna have a tribute match to Ca$h and I think it should be the kinda match he was most famous for: A CZW Rules Ladder Match!
I need an opponent for this and I can't think of anyone better... *The crowd starts a 'HitmanMark' chant*... than the greatest feud I never had. *The crowd murmurs in puzzlement*

Psychoapeguy!"

*The crowd erupts, as Ape's music hits and he makes his way to the ring.
The two look at each other, inaudible words are exchanged and they shake hands. The ring crew is setting up ladders around the ring and bringing in tables and various other weapons.
The bell rings and they are off.

Ape immediately goes for a single leg take down, but D-Boy sidesteps him. Quick as a cat, Ape is up again and goes for another leg dive. Again, D-Boy sidesteps him and drops an elbow to the lower back of Ape.
Both men get up and stare at each other, as the circle the ring.
D-Boy offers another handshake, but Ape answers with a middle finger. The fans boo, and Ape gives them the same answer. Ape turns around to face D-Boy again, and D-Boy gives Ape a middle finger of his own. The fans pop.

The irate Ape answers D-Boy's insolence with a stiff forearm to the face, but D-Boy stands his ground and delivers a stiff forearm of his. They exchange stiff forearms, until Ape ducks and runs the ropes, catching D-Boy from behind with a spear to the lower back.
As D-Boy lies on his hands and knees clutching at his back, Ape slides out and gets a chair, slides back in and legdrop the chair across the back of D-Boy's head.
D-Boy is laid out in a heap on the mat, as Ape slides out again and gets a ladder.

Ape is back in with the ladder, which he leans against the turnbuckle.
Ape picks up D-Boy and Irish whips him into the opposite corner. Ape charges in with a shoulder block, follows up with a monkey flip and hits another shoulder block to the abdomen. He grabs D-Boy and Irish whips him, sending him flipping into the ladder!
The fans "oohhhh" as D-Boy slides down the ladder and land in a heap on the mat. Ape does the Double Thumbs, while laughing.

D-Boy starts to get up, using the ladder for support. Ape, angry that his posing was interrupted, charges D-Boy, but D-Boy catches him in an overhead belly to belly suplex, sending Ape back first on to the ladder with a loud ThWACK!
Both men are down and hurting.
Ape is the first to his feet, holding his back, but quickly to see D-Boy. He charges D-Boy again, but D-Boy has the chair which he throws unceremoniously into Ape's face.
Ape goes down to the mat. The fans cheer, as D-Boy get a demented look on his face. He lays the chair over Ape's face and climbs the turnbuckle. He waits a second as the crowd cheer and then does a double foot stomp off the top onto the chair on Ape's face!
Ape convulses, and rolling to his side, it becomes apparent that he has been busted open.

D-Boy slides out and grabs a table, which he slides into the ring. Then he grabs another ladder, which he also slides into the ring.
D-Boy set up the table and the ladder in front of the table. He grabs Ape and puts him on the table. Then he starts climbing the ladder.
When he gets to the top, he does the D-Boy salute, but Ape is up and pushes the ladder. It teeters and falls backwards, sending D-Boy off the top. He falls, missing a table on the outside and hitting the concrete with a sickening thud.
A "Holy S***" chat breaks out in the arena.

D-Boy lays motionless on the arena floor, as EMTs check on him. Ape staggers around the ring as blood splashes down his face. The referee is caught by the camera doing the X sign and as referees hold back Ape, a stretcher is brought in to the arena. The lift D-Boy onto the stretcher and start wheeling him out.
As the pass the ring and get to the aisle, Ape comes flying off the ladder in the ring onto the stretcher and D-Boy. The crowd pop huge. An "Ape" chant breaks out.
EMTs check on both men.

Ape is up, looking like an insane hobo, blood covering his face and upper part of his torso. He beats down security and grabs D-Boy, sliding him back in the ring.
Then Ape starts looking under the ring. He emerges... with two light tubes!
But as Ape smiles dementedly, D-Boy hits a baseball slide to the outside, shattering the light tubes into Ape's face and torso. The crowd pops again.
D-Boy is on fire as he grabs a chair and hits 3 stiff shots on Ape. Then it's D-boy's time to go under the ring.
He comes out with a sack. He throws the sack in the ring and then grabs Ape and rolls him into the ring.

Ape lies in the middle of the ring and D-Boy sticks his hand in the sack and dumps a little of the content on Ape. The crowd pops as the realize it's thumbtacks. D-Boy empties the entire sack on Ape, covering Ape in hundreds of thumbtacks.
D-Boy then starts climbing the ladder. He gets to the top, remembers his past mistake and dives off with a big splash onto the tack covered Ape. The crowd chant "D-Boy" as the ref goes for the first pinfall of the match.

But Ape kicks out. But men are gasping for air, and slowly get to their feet. Ape is the first up and kicks D-Boy in the side of his head. Two more kicks and Ape bounces off the ropes, for a low dropkick to D-Boy's head.
Ape gets the chair and goes to deliver a shot to D-Boy's back, when D-Boy hit a fist to Ape's abdomen. Ape is still on his feet, holding the chair, so D-Boy does a dive and clips Ape's knee, sending him down to one knee. Quick as a cat D-Boy is back up and bounces off the rope, delivering his trademark Shining Wizard to the chair into Ape's face to a huge pop from the crowd.

Both men are down as the fans cheer. D-Boy gets to his feet slowly. He takes the ladder and dumps it over Ape's back. Then he slides to the outside and starts looking under the apron.
He emerges empty handed, when Ape dumps the ladder out of the ring onto D-Boy. D-Boy collapse on the floor with the ladder on top of him. Ape runs the ropes and dives out of the ring, hitting a Topé Con Heelo onto the ladder and D-Boy. The crowd breaks out in another "Ape" chant.

Ape is back up and slides two ladders into the ring. He leans one against the middle of the ropes on one side and puts the other in a corner. D-Boy is back in the ring and charges Ape with a forearm. Ape is staggered, but comes back with a forearm of his own. D-Boy absorbs it and returns the favor. Ape takes it and answers right back. D-boy goes down to one knee. Ape grabs a chair and is about to hit D-Boy over the head, but stops and throws the chair away.
He picks up D-Boy and motions toward the ladder in the corner. He sends D-Boy toward it, but D-Boy reverses, sending Ape face first into the ladder, which then falls onto him.
D-Boy quickly climbs the turnbuckle and double stomps the ladder onto Ape.

Both men are down and gasping for air. D-Boy rolls out of the ring and start pulling out a table. But Ape is up and goes for a springboard. But as he is on the ropes, D-Boy sends a chair into his face, sending Ape backwards across the ring, landing hard on the ladder set up on the opposite side of the ring against the ropes. The fans explode.
D-Boy sets the table up on the outside and pulls out a log cabin of light tubes out from under the apron, which he places on the table.
He goes into the ring and sets the ladder up. He grabs Ape and starts pulling him up the ladder. Ape is out on his feet and climbs slowly to the top. As both men are at the top, Ape suddenly come alive, hooking D-Boy and delivering a Joker Driver off the ladder into the ring.
Ape manages to drape his arm across D-Boy and the ref starts the count.

1...

2...

3!

NO! D-Boy kicked out at the last second. Both men lay motionless in the ring. Ape gets up first. He starts pulling D-Boy up, and D-Boy is suddenly fired up and delivers a forearm. Ape staggers back toward the ropes and then comes flying back with a forearm of his own. D-Boy staggers back, then answers with a forearm that send Ape to his knees. D-Boy quickly answers with a Shining Wizard. Both men are down again as the crowd is on the edge of their seat.
They get to their feet again and Ape starts climbing the ladder. D-Boy is right up after him and they start exchanging punches on the top. D-Boy ducks a punch and grabs Ape, delivering the Cash Flow off the ladder to the table and light tube log cabin on the outside!!
The crowd explodes as the ref counts to 3 and declares D-Boy the winner.
EMTs check on both men, but the get up and back into the ring slowly as "Holy S***" echoes throughout the arena.

D-Boy calls for a mic and says "Ape, you took me to my limit and I want to thank you for allowing me to go out on top."
Ape sticks out his hand and they shake, and then embrace. The fans applaud the emotional moment.
Ape takes D-Boy's hand and hold it in the air, pointing to D-Boy. The fans chant "D-Boy" and D-Boy takes Ape's hand, holds it in the air and points to Ape, making the crowd chant "Ape".

DSR enters the ring and embraces his father, then shakes Ape's hand.
Outta nowhere, DSR hits an emo-kick to D-Boy!
Ape looks puzzled as DSR scream at the laid out D-Boy and security flood the ring, pulling DSR out of the ring as EMTs check on D-Boy.

After a while, D-Boy makes it to his feet to the cheers of the crowd. He walks down the aisle to a chant of "please don't go" and turn back and mouth the words "thank you" before disappearing behind the curtain.*

[Toom E. Guci]

* Backstage, Marc Lloyd is with Toomi Bischoff. *

ML: Mr. Bischoff, sir. What did you just think of the actions we saw in the ring thus far?

TB: What do I think? WHAT DO I THINK? I think DSR is a brilliant man. Did you not just see what he did to D-Boy? I ask D-Boy to show up here & brutalize psychoapeguy & what does he do? HE LETS ME DOWN! Tribute match. I didn’t invite him here for a Tribute Match. I invited him here to cripple ape & he didn’t get the job done. So, my boy…DSR, did the job to D-Boy. And he showed him not to….

* Just then, Bischoff is interrupted by DSR storming into the backstage area.*

DSR: Shut up Bischoff, just shut up. I didn’t do what I just did to D-Boy for you. I did it for me. You may run this company, but you don’t run me. And tonight, I will prove that in the ring against dorf. Stay out of my business Bischoff. And stay out of my match.

* DSR storms off with the championship belt.*

TB: Looks like I might need some crowd control tonight.

* Bischoff walks away as Marc Lloyd sends it back to ringside.*

ANNOUNCER: The next match is scheduled for one fall with a one half hour time limit. Making their way to the ring the most explosive tag team in EWT history, give you Curtrok and Botchberg.

Curtrok surprises everyone by going back to his roots of white face paint and Black Tank Top and Tights. He comes to the ring with his old baseball bat. Botchberg is wearing his Standard Black trunks and triple threat T-shirt.

ANNOUNCER: And Their Opponents first the number one contender for the Tri State Title, The Mercenary.

Merc comes out to a huge pop the capacity crowd is on their feet for the new found hero.

ANNOUNCER: And his Mystery Partner, JZBLOOD!

The crowd is white hot for the tandem of JZ and Merc and for the first time in their careers a look of fear can be seen on the faces of Botchberg and Curtrok.

Curtrok and Merc start in the ring as the referee calls for the bell. Merc and Curtrok lock up, Merc the larger of the two is able to easily over power Curtrok. Curtrok locks up with Merc again only to be pushed down again. Curtrok charges at Merc a third time and is met with a shoulder block that sends him down to the mat hard.

Curtrok slides out of the ring asking for time out. JZ gets of the apron and throws Curtrok back in. Curtok is met with stiff boot from Merc who whips Curtrok into the ropes. Merc misses with a clothes line Curtrok stops himself by grabbing the ropes and races over to tag Botchberg.

Botchberg gets into the ring and the two lock up. Botchberg pushes Merc into a neutral corner. The referee calls for a clean break. Botchberg yields only to pop Merc in the mouth. Merc leaps over the referee to connect with a Lou Thez press and several right hands that daze Botchberg.

Merc connects with a hard scoop slam then an elbow drop right to the wind pipe of Botchberg.

Merc goes to tag in JZ, Botchberg grabs the ref’s leg, the ref misses the tag and orders JZ back into the corner, both partners argue the decision.

Meanwhile Curtrok climbs in the ring slaps his hands together pushes Botchberg into their corner then connects with a chop block to the back of Merc’s knee.

Merc writhes in pain while Curtrok continues to punish the left knee with boot after boot.

Curtrok locks in a step over toe hold, Merc uses upper body strength to push Curtrok off. Curtrok bounces off the ropes and drops a splash onto the exposed knee.
Curtrok tags in Botchberg. Botchberg picks Merc by the leg and slams his knee into the mat repeatedly. Botchberg helps Merc up to his feet and sends him into the corner. Botchberg follows in behind him and misses spear smacking his shoulder into the post.

Merc slams Botchberg’s face into the turnbuckle Merc connects with a Samoan drop onto Botchberg and rolls through into a cover and a two count.

Merc follows up with a leg-drop, which hurts him as much as Botchberg. Merc is up to his feet first and starts to walk toward his corner to tag JZ, Curtrok runs into the ring and drop kicks him in the back of the knee, drawing an admonishment from the referee.

Botchberg picks up an injured Merc; Merc explodes with right hands on Botchberg that stagger the giant. Merc whips Berg into the ropes slams him down with a spine shattering Spine Buster!

Both wrestlers crawl toward their respective corners, Curtrok makes the tag first, he hops over the rope and sprints across the ring to cut of Merc, but to no avail Merc makes the tag.

JZ jumps into the ring and squares off with Curtrok. The two stare each other down, JZ draws his fist back then starts to stomp on Merc. Curtrok and JZ both start to lay the boots down Merc, the referee is screaming for JZ to stop the assault Botchberg works is way over to drop some boots on Merc as well.

Botchberg picks up Merc for a Botch Hammer, just then WDD runs into a ring with a steel chair the trio of Curtrok, Botchberg and JZ retreat up the ramp.

The referee has thrown the match out.

Curtrok grabs a microphone.

CR: WDD you just signed your own death warrant you stupid son of a B****. You just stuck your nose in the business of Curtrok, JZ and Botchberg the new triple threat!

WDD helps Merc to his feet, Merc holds his hands up in victory, Merc can be seen mouthing JZ you son of a b**** and WDD shouts this isn’t over as the screen cuts for the next segment backstage.

[Toom E. Guci]

Marc Lloyd: Dr. Clitton, you have never officially wrestled here in EWT to win a match. You have won by pure luck from your opponents mistakes.

Dr. Hillary Clitton: Luck? Luck? No, you imbecile. That was pure brains to retain what is rightfully mine. And oceanic has shown she has no brains. Why? Because I stand here holding the Girl Next Door Championship. And she stands here, never getting a shot. And you see, that isn’t brains. That is stupidty. Which is why I have decided that if oceanic can throw me off the Scaffold, she will become the #1 Contender to the Girl Next Door Championship. But the question is…can she do it?

* Dr. Clitton walks away, holding her championship belt over her shoulder, heading towards the ring.*

Announcer: This next contest is the Tables Scaffold Match. The only way to win is to get both opponents thrown off the scaffold & through the tables below. Making their way to the ring first is the team of Linda Ragnal & oceanic. And their opponents in this match, here is the team of the EWT Girl Next Door Champion Dr. Hillary Clitton & Chrysta.

* All 4 girls look up at the Scaffold as they slowly start to descend to the top. As the women reach the top, the bell sounds. All 4 women are about to lock up when oceanic gets nailed by a double axe-handle from Linda. Chrysta is about to charge as Dr. Clitton puts her arm up to stop her for a minute. Linda grabs oceanic & bodyslams her onto the scaffold. Linda stands on oceanic’s hair & starts pulling on her arms. Linda lifts up oceanic & hits her with a suplex. Linda grabs oceanic & runs her head into the metal portion of the scaffold, busting oceanic’s head open. Linda climbs the scaffold ladder to a higher platform on the scaffold, where she leaps off & nails a Down Pour on oceanic. Dr. Clitton gets to her feet & grabs oceanic, throwing her off the scaffold as she crashes through the tables below. Oceanic lay a bloody mess in the ring, the tables smashed around her. Dr. Clitton heads over to Linda, where she shakes her hand. Linda then turns around & nails Chrysta with the Girl Next Door Championship, causing Chrysta to stumble, lose her balance, & fall off the scaffold, crashing to the ring below. Dr. Clitton nods her head at Linda & Linda nods back, as both the Ragnals come down to ringside, placing a couple of mattresses in the ring. Linda jumps off the scaffold, landing on the mattresses as the bell rings. Dr. Clitton climbs down from the scaffold, grabbing the microphone from the ring announcer.*

Dr. Clitton: Well, well, well…as I said backstage…I have brains. And Linda here…she has brains, as well. But Chrysta & oceanic…far from brains. Far from even a high school education. And tonight, I shall surrender the EWT Girl Next Door Championship to the future of Women’s Wrestling…Linda Ragnal. I leave you all tonight, undefeated. And I give to you the NEW EWT Girl Next Door Champion, Linda Ragnal.

* Dr. Clitton places the belt on the shoulder of Linda Ragnal & shakes her hand, as her brothers hoist her up on their shoulders. Linda holds the EWT Girl Next Door Championship above her head for all to see, as fans boo & throw trash at what has just happened. Dr. Clitton heads backstage as a fan hands her a dozen roses. Dr. Clitton bows to all the fans, as they continue to boo her.*

* Marc Lloyd rushes up to Toomi Bischoff, who is standing backstage in the Gorilla Area waiting for Dr. Clitton to come backstage.*

ML: Mr. Bischoff sir, do you have any comments to say about what we just witnessed?

TB: Comments, comments, comments. That’s all you ever want. You want a comment? I will miss Dr. Clitton. She was a fighting champion. And Miss Ragnal has some big shoes to fill as EWT Girl Next Door Champion.*

* Dr. Clitton comes backstage & tosses the roses aside as Toomi Bischoff hugs her. Dr. Clitton wipes a tear from her eye as her & Bischoff hug. Dr. Clitton walks off into a limousine & gets in. The limo drives off as Toomi Bischoff speaks:*

TB: There goes the best damn Girl Next Door Champion ever.

* We cut back to the ring as they prepare for the Stretcher Match*

[Toom E. Guci]

*Bison Tonto’s theme hits the arena and he walks out to little reaction from the fans. “You Got the Look”, blares through the arena and the fans begin to go wild as A-Bomb walks out and slaps hands with the fans and pose for pictures. A-Bomb hops into the ring and begins trash talking to Bison, the ref rings the bell and the match is under way.

A-Bomb immediately begins blasting Tonto with a kick combo causing Bison to flip over the top rope. A-Bomb corkscrew slingshots himself over the rope onto Tonto taking him down. Bomb walks up the ramp to get the stretcher and Tonto nails him from behind with a double axe handle to the back. Tonto tosses Bomb onto the stretcher and flips him onto the steel entrance ramp. Bison begins putting the boots to A-Bomb. Bison goes to pick Addy up and catches an elbow to the gut. Bomb leaps onto the barricade and corkscrew moonsaults onto Tonto. Bomb grabs a chair out of the crowd and blasts Bison across the head as he is getting up causing him to stumble to back towards the ring area. A-Bomb swings the chair again, this time Tonto catches the chair and kicks Bomb, then powerbombs him onto the floor. Bison grabs a table from under the ring and sets it up by the ring post. He rolls Addy into the ring and tosses him into the corner. Tonto sits A-Bomb up onto the top rope he grabs Bomb by the throat, and chokeslams him through the tables on the outside. EWT chants from the crowd. Bison walks up the ramp and brings the stretcher back towards ring side. Bison walks over towards Bomb; A-Bomb pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Tonto in the face. Addy DDTs Tonto onto the remains of the broken table busting him open.

Bomb superkicks Tonto, knocking him onto the stretcher, he attempts to roll him up the ramp but Tonto jumps off the stretcher. A-Bomb hooks Tonto’s arms for a Pedigree but gets flipped onto the ramp. Tonto motions for Bomb to get up and lays him out with a Big Boot. He rolls Bomb onto the stretcher and begins to push; he gets half way before Bomb kicks him in the face. Bison jumps off of the entrance ramp and Bomb follows. The two fight back and forth before Bomb gets the upper hand, he then lays Tonto out with an Axe Kick. Bomb grabs garbage can and nails Tonto over the head causing him to fall onto a table. A-Bomb climbs back onto the stage and climbs part of the PPV set. The fans pop as A-Bomb looks out at the crowd in the arena…. he the leaps off of the scaffold with a Shooting Star Frog Splash onto Tonto through the table. Holy S*** chant* The two are laid out on the floor for about a minute. A-Bomb slowly climbs onto the ramp as Tonto slowly chases after him. Bison turns Addy around kicks him and piledrives him onto the floor.

Bison rolls A-Bomb onto the stretcher and slowly rolls him up the ramp; he’s a few feet away from finish line…Bomb kips up and hits a blockbuster off of the stretcher. A-Bomb hits a Betadriver on Tonto. He then picks him up again and powerbombs him onto the stretcher. Bomb slowly struggles to get Tonto up the ramp he makes it across the finish line. The fans cheer and your winner is Addy Bomb. A-Bomb jumps up to celebrate but is nailed from behind by a chair shot. A-Bomb goes down hard as the man holding the chair turns out to be El Gran Luchadore. EGL grabs A-Bomb & throws him into the scaffolding. A-Bomb jerks back with such motion that his neck jerks even harder. EGL nails a Superkick to a staggering A-Bomb off the ramp & crashing down to the cement floor. EGL sets the stretcher up on the edge of the stage. EGL tosses the chair down & it lands on A-Bomb’s chest. EGL climbs on top of the stretcher & leaps off, crashing down onto A-Bomb & the chair with a moonsault. EGL gets to his feet, grabs the chair, & smashes it on A-Bomb’s head. A-Bomb lay a bloody mess on the concrete floor as EGL gets back on the stage, ripping off his mask to reveal Stevie Richards. Richards flips off the crowd & spits down on A-Bomb, walking backstage.

[Toom E. Guci]

Backstage LIVE at the Crap-a-Mania II Interview Center as we prepare to get a word from Flex Magnificent before his big title bout.

Craig DeGeorge: Hello everybody. What an amazing PPV it’s been & it’s only getting better. Right now I’d like to bring out for you a man who has been crippling his way through the competition lately here in the EWT since his Summer debut & the only word that could describe him is Magnificent. Let us bring to you NOW the #1 contender...YES, you heard me right contendER for the EWT World Tag Team Championships with his manager ”The Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier.....He is known as The Genetic Superman.....FLEX! Magnificent.

Flex & Delavier walk out & this time Flex is wearing all gold colors for his big match tonight.

CD: Whoah! Look at this. It’s like when Elvis Presley wore the gold suit for the “50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can’t Be Wrong” album!

FM: *with a stern expression grabs the mic & pushes Craig DeGeorge to the floor. The camera pans into Flex* Craig DeGeorge, you are uh grade-A ass lickuh.

Now let us get doowen do bizness. For awhile I hinted at some special news for my match at Crap-uh-Mania Doo & here it iz.

Evuh since Carla has returned do da EWT me & da good doktuh had our doubts....How could someone who I beat da living crap out of come back so relatively soon? Well we found out! Herr Doktuh....Evidence please.

Dr. Frederick Delavier hands Flex a manilla envelope.

FM: *opens up the envelope & pulls out one of the documents* Because you see inside dis envelope are ILLE....ILLEGIIII...uh FAKE documents uv Carla’s release!!!

Dr. Delavier takes from Flex & holds up a common diner napkin with crayon scribbled on it saying,

“Carla’s OK. I am a doctor & her bladder is functioning properly.. - Dr. Nick Riviera”

FM: An’ because of dis I huv official word from Toomi Bischoff dat Carla WILL NOT be at ringside & she is banned from da EWT until she hus fully recovud!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Both men begin to collectively laugh until.....

THE EWT INTERVIEW BACKDROP FALLS ON FLEX & DELAVIER!!!!

The camera backs up after this sudden incident BUT
We now see it wasn’t an incident at all as we see Limey was behind it & he’s now walking on top of the wooden EWT Interview Center Back Drop.

Gorilla Monsoon: HOLY MOLEY IT WAS LIMEY WHO PUSHED THE BACKDROP ON FLEX & DELAVIER!!!

Jesse “The Body” Ventura: I can’t believe! Right from behind! Typical cowardly act from Limey!

Limey walks over & lifts the wooden backdrop off of Flex & picks him up by the head. Flex is looking very dazed.

Limey: You son of a B***H! *pulls Flex’s face to his* You did again, Flex, & for the LAST TIME!!!

Limey throws Flex right into the camera man that was shooting the interview & the camera’s view is all blurred out so we go to another camera close by.

Limey picks up the camera from the fallen camera man & cracks Flex right over the head cracking the glass on the camera. Flex is reeling from the hit & shaking like Chubby Checker in a blender.

Limey walks off looking for some more plundah as Flex slow begins to get up. Limey returns shortly now with a fattypeice of CAKE & shoves into Flex’s wide open mouth. Flex is spitting & ganging as if he’d just stuffed a bottle of urine down his throat.

Limey pulls Flex’s brand new gold colored rhinestoned cape over Flex’s head & belts him once again with the camera. Flex falls like a ton of bricks. But Limey is by no means done. He lifts Flex up, whose cape is now on sideways & his face is covered in white frosting, & starts walking with him out to the ring area. They pass right through the curtain & the crowd is on their feet as both men are headed to the ring for the match.

Limey is power walking to the ring with Flex & with all his might chucks Flex right into the ring steps. Flex does a flip right into it with his cape still on.

GM: Looks like the Genetic Superman had a bad flight, Jess!

Limey puts the steps back together & picks Flex off the floor pulling his cape around so that it’s choking him & begins to drag Flex up the stairs like a dog & begins barking like a dog. The crowd barks back in unison.

GM: Looks like Flex is staying overnight at the kennel, Jess!

Limey throws Flex into the ring as the bell rings starting the match.

Flex is on his hands & knees in a daze as Limey begins the knuckle session with lefts & rights one after the other until Flex just crumples to Limey’s feet. Flex’s head is now on Limey’s feet. Limey looks around at the audience with a smug grin & lifts up one hand with the horns.

GM: The crowd are on their feet! It’s total pandemonium for Limey! The fans want to see Flex gone for good!

JV: MONSOON! THIS MATCH SHOULD NOT HAVE BEGUN! HBH IS CLEARLY NOT IN THE RING! AND FLEX WAS JUMPED FROM BEHIND THIS IS NOT FAIR AT ALL!

GM: All is fair in love & war, Jess.

Limey takes advantage of the prone Flex lying on the floor & goes outside for a chair. He returns & places it next to Flex as he picks up Flex by his short hair as we now see Flex cut open somewhere on the side of the head from the various shots to the head with the camera & Limey’s fists. Limey barely pulls Flex’s arms behind his legs as he begins choking Flex again with his cape. Flex is screaming out loudy as Limey lets go & now picks up the chair & begins choking Flex with that.

The referee is beginning to argue with Limey to let go, but Limey keeps shouting, “They’re ain’t no f*****g rules, ref!!!”

Limey lets go as Flex gags for air holding onto his throat. Limey lays the chair on the back of Flex’s head as Flex is on his stomach & bounces of the opposing ropes, hops over Flex & jumps on the 2nd rope showing an amazing amount of agility has he gains some height & flips over perfectly landing a leg drop onto the chair! The crowd gives a stellar response with a resounding, “OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!”

GM: Holy mackerel! Whatta display of agility on the behalf of Limey!

Limey’s feeling the pain from the moonsault legdrop. But his determination to fix Flex makes him push past the pain.

Flex is laid out on his stomache motionless as Limey tears off the gold rhinestoned cape off of Flex & tears it apart with his hands. He takes a peice & begins to shove it into the mouth of Flex Magnificent. Flex chokes on it but is still very weary from all the punishment so far.

Flex rolls over on his back still choking as Limey grabs the chair once again & ascends the ropes.

JV: What in the hell is this sick son of a b***h gonna do?!

GM: I don’t know, but it could spell the end for Flex Magnificent!

Limey is at the top & lifts the chair up slapping it with his hand for crowd approval. He balances himself up top & leaps into the air &......SHOOTING STAR PRESS OFF THE TOP WITH THE CHAIR!!!

GM: I can’t believe it! The roof has just been officially blown off!!!

JV: I hate to admit, Monsoon, but Limey has a drive to take out Flex Magnificent & he may have just done it.

Flex is convulsing as Limey is definitely feeling the punishment of landing on the chair onto Flex. He has rolled over holding on to his stomach & head as his head hit the chair while landing.

Both men are now on the mat feeling the effects of the Shooting Star Press with a chair.

The crowds is nuts chanting, ”LET’S GO LIMEY! LET’S GO!” *clapclapclapclapclap*.

Then all of a sudden......

“Sexy Guy” hits the PA. The crowd get on there feet to see HBH, Gas, & Rose coming down the aisle. HBH is looking very energetic acting as if he was walking down the aisle for the main event, really dragging out his entrance & showboating with taunts to the crowd as he makes his way down the aisle. As the crowd boos incessantly Flex & Limey are still lying on the mat while HBH approaches ringside taking his time by taking off his ring garments one at a time. He throws his shades to Gas who catches them perfectly & slowly takes off his belt notch by notch & throws it over his shoulder calling over to the camera man.

Heartbreak Hitman: You see this? *points to the belt* And do ya see this? *puts his hand to his chin showing off his profile* That’s what all these people came to see! And right now I gotta give the people what they want!

HBH jumps onto the ring apron & grabs a hold of the tag rope & waits patiently for Limey to tag him in.

Slowly both Flex & Limey are getting to their feet. The referee checks both men to see if they are still capable of competing & all seems well as the referee tells the ring announcer the match is still on. Since Limey has sustained the least amount of damage he crawls to a corner & begins to sit up. HBH is yelling at him for the tag. Limey begins to stagger up to his feet & catches a glimpse of HBH. HBH continues yelling, “C’MON ON!” Limey is shaking a bit as he is now on his feet with the help of the ropes. He’s giving a wide eyed stare at HBH whose just concerned with getting in & ending the match. Limey begins to stand on his own 2 feet & slowly begins to walk & the charges at HBH & dives over the tope rope cross bodying HBH onto the outside floor. The crowd arise to their feet as both men are look completely sidelined for the time being. A “HOLYS***!” chant erupts from the crowd..

HBH hit the guard rail spine first while Limey has flipped over him landing into the front row scaring the living crap out of that section as 2 rows of people fall back in their chairs.

GM: HOLY MACKEREL! Limey is really putting his body on the line tonight!. After all he has been through since Flex Magnificent has entered the EWT he has nothing to lose!!

JV: This man has a death wish, Monsoon! And it just might be fulfilled tonight!

All 3 men are laying on their respective floors. It takes awhile, but Flex begins to gain his bearings & rolls out to the floor over to Limey & HBH. He’s staggering badly, but well enough to get to his destination. He sees HBH first & lifts him up & throws him head first into the guard rail.

Limey is still lying on a number of fans who are struggling to get out from underneath Limey as well as other fallen fans. Flex sees him & slowly makes his way over the guard rail to Limey. The fans part like the Reed Sea as a slightly bloody, hulking Flex Magnificent climbs over the rail & walks over to Limey. It’s like a scene out of a Puerto Rican Abdullah the Butcher crowd scene as fans begin yelling at Flex & unfortunately some catch his attention as he throws a teen as hard he can right into the rail. Another kid jumps on his back as he takes no risks & holds onto the kid’s legs & jumps in the air falling backwards right onto the kid. He gets up & some drunk hayseed throws his beer at Flex as Flex gives a stiff swing & dislocates the guy’s jaw. The man’s screams are 100% audible as Flex is now walking over fallen fans to get to Limey. He kicks a few fans in the face as he picks up Limey & throws him over the guard rail onto the ringside mat.

HBH is holding his head as Rosa is huddled over him screaming for help. Gas is all business keeping his distance as he lets Flex take care of business with Limey.

Flex climbs slowly over the rail & heads to Limey. He picks Limey up by the hair as the camera zooms in. We catch Flex saying to Limey, “SO YOU WANNA F*** UP MY FACE!!! HUH?!??!!?! HOW BOUT I F*** UP YOURS!!!!!”

Flex drags Limey by the hair & begins to rake Limey’s face over the stubly parts of the ring steps. Flex is really digging in deep & throws Limey to the floor. The camera closes in on the crimson mask of Limey.

GM: MY WORD! Look at the face of Limey! Flex just used those ring steps like a cheesegrater on Limey!

JV: Haha! Now all he has to do is squirt that lemon with the Flex Capacitor!

Flex celebrates with a pose and a warrior scream as he begins to look around at the fans & now sees HBH huddled not too far away with Rosa covering him. Flex begins to walk over to HBH & throws off a crying Rosa.

GM: NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN!

Flex has a wide eyed look & points at Gas saying something inaudible. Gasoline backs off casually with his hands up saying, “You got no trouble here, boss!” Flex goes back to HBH & lifts him up in a STACKED SUPER SLAM! & drops HBH right on his neck. HBH falls to the floor rolling around, holding onto his throat.

A fan runs up to the rail yelling at Flex pointing his finger right into Flex’s face. Flex slaps him across the face sending the fan to the floor. Flex is in no shape to be messed with.

Flex is focused & lifts up HBH & scoops him up in his arms & runs full speed into the ring post. Gasoline got out of the way as Flex ran by him without any intention of tripping him while he ran HBH into the ring post. HBH's face is in full agony at the impact of the post ram. HBH is out on the floor grabbing ahold of his back. Flex picks him right back up & lifts him up for ANOTHER Stacked Super Slam & this time throws HBH right into the Zulu Announce Team! Flex looks over at HBH & starts mouthing off & puts his arms in the air.

The camera moves as we see behind Flex is Limey on the top rope.

GM: Hey Limey is on the top rope! What could this be!? *Limey ascends into the air* HE JUST PUT FLEX THROUGH THE ZULU ANNOUNCE TEAM'S TABLE WITH A BULLDOG OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!!!

JV: Unbelievable, Monsoon! Unbelievable!!! Limey totally put his body on the line once again! Incredible!!!

All three men now are lying on the floor as the Zulu announce team are completely out as well. The ref checks on all 3 men to see if they can continue. The Zulu announce team are being taken away by EMTs as HBH who received the least amount of punishment in this recent movesets slowly makes it to his feet as Flex & Limey are still down. He reaches for Flex & peppers him with a few right hands & brings him up to his feet. He throws Flex into the apron & stuns him. With Flex feeling the pain to his back HBH hits him with some Sweet Chin Muzak & knocks the crap outta Flex. Flex slumps to the floor as the crowd gives an astounding, “OOOOOh!!!” after HBH hit it. HBH falls to the floor, but is using the apron now to get up. He makes it to his feet & lifts Flex up & throws him inside the ring.

HBH being the showboat that he is lifts his hand in the air pointing to himself yelling, “I’M GONNA END THIS ONCE & FOR ALL!!!” He lifts Flex up & puts him into a corner.

GM: Oh no, Jess, last time he did this it cost him the match against Flex Magnificent.

HBH stomps his foot a few times & runs to Flex & CONNECTS with another Sweet Chin Muzak. The crowd is once again in awe at the impact HBH made. Flex falls back into the corner deeper as HBH grabs him by the hair & throws him down on the mat.

Once again he decides to showboat & does a little pose before placing ONE FINGER on the prone body of Flex Magnificent. The ref drops down & counts.....
1!

2!

.........SAVE BY LIMEY!

Limey made a massive jump & knocks HBH right off of Flex. Both men part from each other.

GM: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! LIMEY STOPPED HIS OWN PARTNER FROM MAKING THE PIN!!!

JV: He may have some brains afterall, Monsoon.

HBH is pissed off & begins yelling at Limey. Limey has a look of stone on his face. Both men get up as HBH shoves Limey to the mat. Limey immediately gets back up & gets in HBH’s face. HBH lands a stiff right on him, but Limey feels no effect! HBH does it again. STILL Limey feels no effect. HBH goes for it again, no effect. So HBH headlocks Limey who wiggles out of it & drop toe holds HBH who falls face first. Limey jumps over for a headlock of his own, but HBH wiggles out & goes for Limey’s legs for a possible Sharpshooter, but Limey hooks his legs around HBH’s head & drags him down with a twist & keeps it locked. HBH kips out & goes for a dropkick but Limey blocks it leaving HBH on his back.. Limey grabs HBH by the legs & groins him & then stands up & Catapults him into the corner post. HBH is bleeding now profusley & staggers over to Limey. Limey kicks him in the midsection, puts his head between his legs, & lifts HBH bunder his arms like a Razor’s Edge & spins him around & drops him down for a Sit-Down Power Bomb!

Limey has him hooked but the ref tells Limey that he can’t pin his own partner. So Limey gets up & throws the ref out the ring through the middle ropes. Limey picks HBH off the mat & once again puts HBH’s head between his legs, & double underhooks for a TIGER DRIVER! Limey gets up & is filled to the brim with adrenaline & gives the horns to a thunderous applause from the audience! With HBH sprawled on the mat Limey ascends the top ring ropes & gives the cut throat single as he leaps off like a rocket into the air to drop down on HBH with a FLYING GUILLOTINE LEG DROP! The crowd is on their feet as the impact is so devestating that HBH’s legs are standing upright without falling.

Limey celebrates his outwrestling HBH who is still stunned with his legs standing upright. The crowd are cheering Limey. “LIMEY! LIMEY! LIMEY! LIMEY!”

GM: It’s pandemoniom as Limey has FINALLY showed up that arrogant peice of trash, Heartbreak Hitman!!!

JV: Monsoon, this is incredible. Limey has turned against his partner!

Limey finishes his short celebration & goes back to HBH until....

GM: PEARL HABOR JOB FROM FLEX MAGNIFICENT!!!

Flex somehow high knees Limey from behind into the ropes getting his throat strattled on the top rope. He falls back. Limey never saw it coming from being riled up by HBH. Limey is down on the mat & tries to get up holding onto his throat, but Flex drives some knees into the back of his head. Limey crumbles from these blows but keeps trying to stand up. As Limey tries to stand up Flex picks him up from behind for a Back Body Drop. He connects & slowly gets up. Flex is staggering a bit, but Limey starts to come to & begins to get up on his knees, but Flex is all the quicker & synchs in THE FLEX CAPACITOR!!!! The fans are on their feet as Limey is screaming in pain at this devastating headlock submission! His arms are flailing around as he is on his knees feeling the pain of the Flex Capacitor.

GM: This could be it folks. Limey is starting to fade away as Flex puts on the pressure of that devastating Flex Capacitor! His arms have dropped. The referee lifts Limey’s arm up!

1!

He lifts it again....

2!

One more time & we will have a NEW & FIRST TIME EWT one-man Tag Team Champion!!!

The referee begins to lift Limey’s arm one last time as.....FLEX IS LOW BLOWED BY HBH!

HBH rolls him up with a hook of the tights...

1!

2!

3!!!!!

The Ringbell: DING! DING! DING!

”Sexy Guy” begins to play over the PA as HBH rolls out of the ring & grabs the EWT World Tag Team Championship belts & grabs Rosa & runs down the aisle flipping the finger to a Flex Magnificent who is now screaming his lungs out while jumping on the bottom rope inside the ring facing the entranceway. Gasoline is still at ringside with his arms up in the air yelling, “WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!” as he starts walking down the entrance aisle to follow HBH & Rosa.

GM: WHOAH! What an unlikely turn of events, Jess!

JV: I can’t believe it, Monsoon. That HBH is one sly SOB!

Howard Finkel: The winner of this match & STILL EWT World Tag Team Champioooons. LIMEY & THE HEARTBREAK HITMAN.....BRET MICHEAAAAAALS!!!!!!!!!!

Flex is extremely teed off & kicking the ring ropes. He goes back to the ropes facing the aisle pointing down the aisle in hopes HBH will come back to take a verbal & possible physical lashing. But all of a sudden.....

GM: HEY! IT’S CARLA! SHE GOT A SLEEPER HOLD ON FLEX MAGNIFICENT!

JV: WHAT THE HELL, MONSOON! SHE ISN’T SUPPOSE TO BE AT RINGSIDE! WHAT GIVES!

Flex is flailing his arms trying to get at Carla with no luck. Instead grabs the bowie knife from a knife holder from around her waist, but with letting one arm go she drops the knife & Flex gets a hold of her legs & buries her into the turnbuckles. She slips off with ease as Flex points right in the face telling her off. Just then a rather bruised Dr. Frederick Delavier appears from behind the curtain with local police who cuff her as Flex kicks her right in the face as they drag her off.

Delavier is outside the ring yelling at Carla as she is dragged off until he catches wind of Limey right behind Flex with the bowie knife. He points out to Flex who just looks at him & begins to pose. But Limey gets him from behind with a rear choke hold & brings the knife ever so slightly to Flex’s face & lightly sinks it into Flex’s face, but before he can do any real damage Flex slips out screaming like crazy covering his face. Dr. Delavier whips off his jacket & puts it over Flex’s head as they rush to the back.

GM: What the hell was that?! He barely touched him! Look at Limey he has no idea what just happened!

[Toom E. Guci]

JV: Are you kidding me, Monsoon! He just carved Flex’s face like it was a Jack-O-Lantern!!!

GM: Would you please stop!!!

Limey looks very confused in the ring & shakes it off & jumps out of the ring & runs to the back with the bowie knife in hand

GM: What a turn of events, Jess. This match was unpredictable from start to finish. Who would’ve thought that Limey & HBH would retain the belts after that altercation.

JV: You’re right, Monsoon. Both men went at it toe-to-toe right in the middle of the ring yet still managed to regain the belts. But Monsoon both men have never fought each other to this degree what can we say now? HBH ran off with the belts so are they still a team or what?

GM: I have no idea, Jess. But we will definitely find out in due time. Right now let’s go to the back before our next match.

JV: Monsoon. I STILL can’t believe it!

* Cut back to the ring as the announcer is standing in the center of the ring.*

Announcer: This next contest is for the vacated Ox Division Championship. Both feet must hit the floor in order to be eliminated after going over the top rope. And here are the participants.

* One by one, the 6 men involved come down to the ring. Spaz, Theo Rumm, WDD, Les E Biase, Mad Matt Rage, & Eddie Omega enter the ring. The bell sounds as all the participants go at it. Biase is hit by a dropkick that sends him over the top rope…eliminating him so soon. WDD & Rumm lock up in the ring as Rumm throws WDD into the ropes, hitting a Hurricanarama. Rumm lifts up WDD & throws him into the corner. Rumm runs at him but is back flipped over the top rope. Rumm manages to grabs hold of the bottom rope, preventing elimination. Rumm reaches under & trips up WDD. Rumm rolls back into the ring & is attacked by Spaz. Spaz throws Rumm into the ropes & nails a takedown clothesline. Spaz lifts up Rumm & throws him over the top rope…eliminating him. Spaz turns around & is met by a dropkick from Omega. Omega grabs Spaz & hits a belly to belly suplex. Omega gets to his feet & grabs Spaz. Spaz manages a kick to the face of Omega, escaping the grasp. Spaz nails a Shining Wizard to the back of Omega’s head. Spaz grabs Omega again & hits him with a brain buster. Spaz runs with Omega, attempting to eliminate him. Rage interferes & spears Spaz, blocking the elimination. As Rage turns around, he’s met by a dropkick by WDD that sends him over the top rope. WDD grabs Spaz & hits a Triple Play German Suplex on him. WDD lifts up Spaz as Spaz reverses it & kicks WDD in the gut. Spaz grabs WDD & hits him with a Canadian Destroyer. Spaz lifts up WDD & throws him over the top rope, eliminating him. As Spaz turns around, he’s nailed by a paddle to the face by Omega. Omega grabs Spaz & throws him into the ropes, where he hits a sidewalk slam on him. Omega grabs his paddle & breaks it over Spaz’s head, busting Spaz open. Omega lifts up Spaz & throws him into the corner. Omega starts hitting Spaz with the Pi Kappa Slappa. Omega then starts hitting Spaz with the Pledges. Omega grabs Spaz & goes to throw him into the ropes, but Spaz reverses it. Spaz hits Omega with a clothesline. Spaz grabs Omega & connects with a Rolling German Suplex. Spaz grabs Omega & applies a Sydney Cloverleaf. Spaz releases the hold as Omega starts to tap. Spaz grabs Omega & runs to throw him over the top ropes. Omega holds onto the ropes & manages to flip back into the ring ala Ricky Steamboat. Spaz sees this & runs at Omega, who counters with a Hurricanarama that sends Spaz flipping over the top rope. Spaz crashes down to the floor, eliminated as Omega drops to his knees & celebrates in the ring. The referee hands Omega the Ox Division Championship. Spaz stands outside the ring, frustrated as a referee holds him back. Omega ushers Spaz away, mocking him with the belt. Omega turns his back when Spaz rushes the ring & nails Omega with a steel chair. Spaz starts beating on Omega with the chair & drops the chair on the mat. Spaz nails the Shockwave on Omega on the steel chair. A bloody Spaz grabs the Ox Division Championship & stands above Omega. Spaz holds the belt up over his head & then drops it down on Omega. Spaz leaves the ring as a video package starts to air. The package shows how the dorf-DSR match came about.*

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: This is our main event & is scheduled for one fall after the match reaches the one hour mark. And it is for the EWT Heavyweight Championship. Coming to the ring first is the challenger & the winner of the Royal Pain In the Ass Rumble. Here is dorf. And his opponent is the EWT Heavyweight Champion. Here is the man they call DSR.

* Both men get into the ring & stare each other down. The referee goes over the rules for the match as both give each other dirty looks. Dorf points to DSR’s waist & motions around his that the belt will be his. The bell sounds as both men continue to stare down each other. Both men just look at each other eye to eye, trash talking each other. Just then DSR gets nailed from behind by an unkown assailant, with a dropkick. DSR staggers into dorf, who grabs an unexpecting DSR & nails a Dorf-plex early into the match. Dorf starts working with the mystery man as both start giving the boot to DSR. Dorf rips the mask off the assailant to reveal DSR’s former tag team partner, Shark Boy. Shark Boy quickly gets to the top rope, as dorf pulls up DSR. Shark Boy leaps off the top rope & nails a missile dropkick to DSR, being held by dorf. Dorf lifts DSR up as Shark Boy runs the ropes & leaps into the air, nailing a dropkick on DSR who’s being held in a bear hug by dorf. Dorf grabs DSR & throws him over the top rope. Dorf gives Shark Boy a handshake as Shark Boy leaves the ring to stand ringside. Dorf climbs out of the ring & goes after DSR, throwing him into the ring steps. Dorf charges at DSR & nails a knee to the head of DSR. Dorf grabs DSR & hits a belly to belly suplex. Dorf gets to his feet & climbs back into the ring for a second, where he climbs to the top rope. Dorf leaps off the top rope for a splash but DSR manages to roll out of the way as dorf crashes to the outside ground.*

* The match has passed the 10 minute mark as DSR grabs a hold of the apron, helping himself to his feet. Shark Boy comes charging at DSR, but is nailed by an EmoKick that sends him reeling back. DSR staggers on his feet & grabs dorf, where he throws him into the ring post. DSR runs at dorf & nails a Clothesline From TRL that causes dorf to flip into a 360. DSR lifts dorf up, where he connects with an EmoFlow DDT. DSR grabs dorf, where he throws him into the barricade. DSR heads over & grabs Shark Boy, bodyslamming Shark Boy onto the Brazilian Announce Table. DSR climbs on top of the Brazilian Announce Table & lifts Shark Boy up, where he sets him up between his legs. DSR leaps up & lands Shark Boy through the Brazilian Announce Table with a TurboNegro Destroyer. DSR slowly gets to his feet as he grabs Shark Boy again, throwing him over the barricade into the fans. DSR heads back & turns his attention to dorf, who throws a foreign substance into DSR’s eyes. DSR starts flailing, as he’s blinded by this powdery substance. Dorf kicks DSR in the midsection & hits a Dorf-o-Matic. Dorf grabs DSR & hip tosses him into the barricade. Dorf starts kicking at DSR a few times, then grabs him. Dorf drags DSR to the entryway & runs down the entryway, connecting a bulldog onto the hard ground. Dorf gets to his feet & nails a standing moonsault onto DSR.*

* The match hits the 20 minute mark as dorf pulls DSR up by the hair. Dorf rams DSR’s head into the barricade. DSR manages a very weak elbow to the midsection of dorf. DSR hits another elbow to the midsection & follows it up with a knee. DSR connects with a DDT to the hard ground. DSR gets to his feet, where he grabs dorf & bodyslams him. DSR grabs dorf’s leg & drops an elbow to the crotch area. DSR grabs the leg again & spins around, setting dorf up, & applying the Figure Four Leglock. DSR applies pressure to it, keeping the hold for a couple of minutes. Dorf is hitting the ground in agony. Dorf struggles to turn over & after a minute, he manages to turn over into a push up position. DSR releases the hold due to the pressure now on his legs. DSR grabs dorf & rams his head into the barricade. DSR grabs dorf & starts heading over to the rigging area, where he slams dorf’s head into a crate. DSR sees an open crate & hip tosses dorf into the crate. DSR shuts the crate & kicks at it several times. DSR opens the crate & lifts up dorf. DSR suplexes dorf out of the crate & onto the hard ground. DSR kicks at dorf several more times. DSR grabs a lighting cord & starts choking at dorf.*

* The match hits the 30 minute mark as DSR grabs dorf & drags him back towards the ring. DSR throws dorf back in the ring & slides into the ring himself. DSR lifts up dorf & nails a Brainbuster in the center of the ring. DSR drops down in the corner to take a breather for a moment & climbs out of the ring. DSR grabs a bottle of water & takes a drink as he climbs back into the ring. DSR grabs dorf & throws him into the ropes. Dorf ducks a Clothesline From TRL & bounces off the ropes. Both men nail each other with a double arm clothesline. Both men crash down to the mat. The referee looks at both men & checks, as both arms drop to the canvas. The referee checks again, as both arms drop to the canvas. The referee looks at the ring announcer, who shrugs his shoulders unsure of what to do. The referee says something to the ring announcer, who hands the referee 2 bottles of water. The referee pours the water on both men, as they begin to stir at the 36 minute mark.*

* dorf manages to get to his feet first, as he grabs DSR slowly getting to his feet. Dorf kicks DSR in the midsection & follows it up with punches to the head. Dorf nails a forearm to the back of DSR & grabs him, throwing him into the ropes. DSR ducks a flying elbow as dorf crashes to the mat & leaps off the ropes into a Lionsault on dorf. DSR grabs dorf & hits him with an Exploder Suplex. DSR then signals towards the crowd & applies a Sharpshooter on dorf. Dorf is close to the ropes & manages to reach them, as the referee issues a 4 count. DSR lifts up dorf & hits him with a Gutwrench Suplex. DSR grabs dorf & throws him into the corner, where he lands in a Tree of Woe. DSr connects a baseball slide to the face of dorf.*

* The match has now hit the 45 minute mark as DSR grabs dorf’s head & rams it into the bottom turnbuckle. DSR pulls dorf off the ropes & hits him with a double arm suplex. DSR climbs to the top rope, where he leaps off with a flying headbutt. Dorf manages to roll out of the way, as DSR crashes to the mat. Dorf gets to his feet & grabs DSR, hitting him with an inverted vertical suplex. Dorf quickly gets to his feet again & nails a belly to back suplex on DSR. Dorf grabs DSR by the hair & starts climbing the second rope. Dorf lifts up DSR & attempts a Dorf-Driver. DSR manages to reverse it & sends dorf flying over the top rope to the outside. DSR leaps off the top rope, connecting with a double axe handle to dorf. DSR grabs dorf & throws him onto the Denmark Announce Table. DSR grabs a Danish & shoves it into dorf’s mouth, followed up by punches. DSR knees dorf & grabs him in a headlock, setting him up, & crashing through the Denmark Announce Table with a Brainbuster. DSR gets to his feet & throws dorf back into the ring as the match has now hit the 55 minute mark.*

* DSR climbs into the ring & grabs dorf. DSR bodyslams dorf in the center of the ring; where he decides to have some fun & mock dorf. DSR kicks dorf’s arm to his side & rips off elbow pad, throwing it into the crowd. Similar to what dorf did at the Royal Pain In the Ass, DSR runs the ropes back & forth, screeching to a halt, & drops an elbow to the throat of dorf. DSR scoops up dorf again & throws him into the ropes, connecting with another Clothesline From TRL. DSR grabs dorf by the hair as dorf manages a low blow to DSR. DSR drops down to his knees as dorf is able to surprise & nail a dropkick to the face of dorf. As DSR is on all fours, dorf runs up, & kicks DSR in the ribs, holding his arms up to signal a touchdown. Dorf grabs DSR as the bell sounds to signify the one hour mark has been hit, thus making this match anyone’s game.*

* dorf lifts up DSR & throws him into the turnbuckle. Dorf runs to the ropes, where he grabs DSR & pulls him up onto the top rope. Dorf sets up DSR & nails an AbDorftion off the top rope. Dorf goes for the cover as the referee counts 1-2…shoulder up. Dorf gets angry at this & grabs DSR again. Dorf nails another Dorf-plex onto DSR & attempts a cover. The referee counts 1-2…kick out. Dorf starts getting agitated at this point & grabs DSR one more time. Dorf hits a Gut Wrench Suplex on DSR. Dorf lifts DSR up for a DDT, but DSR manages to reverse it into a bridge pin. The referee counts 1-2-…kick out. DSR slowly gets to his feet, but dorf is faster & hits a kick to the midsection. Dorf follows up with a Stunner on DSR, going for a cover. 1-2…foot on the rope. Dorf grabs DSR & scoops him into a bodyslam. DSR rolls with it & turns it into a Small Package as the referee counts 1-2-3.*


Announcer: The winner of the match & STILL EWT Heavyweight Champion, DSR.

* The match has officially ended at the one hour & 10 minute mark. The referee enters the ring with the championship belt, attempting to hand it to DSR. Dorf yanks the belt from the referee & hands it to DSR. Dorf extends his hand to DSR, who hesitates at first. After a couple of minutes & some words, DSR accepts the handshake & the 2 embrace in the center of the ring. Dorf raises DSR’s hand in victory & shakes his hand again. Dorf leaves the ring as DSR stands on the second rope, holding his belt up for all to see. Just then, DSR flips over the top rope, crashing to the ground outside. Blood trickles from the back of his head as dorf is standing in the ring, holding a steel chair. Dorf climbs out of the ring, still holding the chair. Dorf nails DSR a couple of more times with the chair. Dorf then grabs DSR & throws him into the barricade. Dorf pulls a ladder out from under the ring, setting it up outside the ring. Dorf throws DSR back into the ring, where he drags him to the corner. Dorf climbs to the top rope, dragging DSR with him. Dorf then extends his leg & gets on the ladder, as he drags DSR over to the ladder as well. Dorf gets to the top of the ladder, pulling DSR with him. Dorf leaps off the ladder pulling DSR with him into a Dorf-driver through the Spanish Announce Table. The fans go crazy as both men lay in a broken heap as EMT’s & referee’s rush to ringside to check on both men, neither moving amongst the broken table as the pay per view fades to black.*

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