Saved By the Bell: The College Years ppv

[Toom E. Guci]

* Saved By the Bell: the College Years opens in the gymnasium of California University. The fans are going crazy as Dustin Diamond rides his bike out to the ring with a monkey on the handlebars. Dustin gets in the ring with his monkey & grabs the microphone. The fans break out in a chant: *

Fans: Screech, Screech, Screech, Screech, Screech!!!!

Dustin Diamond: Thank you for such a warm reception everybody. It feels great to be back here at California University. And it feels great to be back here in Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation. Unfortunately, I am not a big part of this pay per view like last year when I refereed the main event, but oh well. I got a monkey with me. And Mr. Rogers says I can keep the monkey. And I feel GREAT!! If only Lisa could see me now. And guess what. I am the ring announcer for this evening. Is that not great? And it is time for the opening contest, which is scheduled for One Fall. And the loser of the match will either be heading to TNA or the unemployment line. Coming to the ring first is curtain jerker number 1: WDD. And his opponent in this contest is curtain jerker number 2: Theo Rumm.

* WDD and Theo walk up to each other. Stare down for a few seconds until they initiate a lock-up. Theo gains control and whips WDD into the turnbuckle. A few chops later and Theo whips WDD into the opposite corner. WDD puts his feet up at the charging Rumm, as Rumm staggers, WDD runs up behind him and bulldogs him straight into the mat. WDD locks on a fujiwara armbar on Rumm. WDD drags Rumm to his feet and sends him to the ropes. WDD jumps up and tornado DDTs Rumm.*

* WDD goes for the cover. 1...2...2.5...Kick out. WDD is obviously annoyed. He drags him back to his feet again and begins pummeling him and power whips Rumm into the turnbuckle. Rumm goes down clutching his back in pain. WDD poses for the crowd while Rumm struggles to get up. WDD strolls over and kicks him in the stomach. WDD goes outside the ring and looks for a chair (Ref begins count. 1!). Meanwhile, Rumm struggles back to his feet. WDD grabs a chair and turns back to the ring only to fall victim to a suicide dive through the ring by Rumm, which causes the chair to smack into his face (2!). Both men are down (3! 4! 5!). Rumm slowly gets up and gets into the ring (6!). WDD gets up, but is bleeding badly (botched blade job perhaps? 7!). Finally WDD gets back into the ring, only to get stomped back down by Rumm. Theo goes up top and goes for the elbow drop, but WDD rolls out of the way in the nick of time. Both men are down again. Both men finally rise and exchange punches to the face. WDD gains momentum and pounds Rumm into the ropes. WDD picks up Rumm and Suplexes him into the ropes. WDD goes upstairs for the Frog Splash, but the knees go up and WDD goes down. Both men are clutching their stomachs and the ref counts down, but just like any match, WDD gets up at 8, and Rumm gets up at 9. They keep their distance for a while, until Rumm charges at WDD. WDD sidesteps Rumm and uses his momentum to toss him straight out of the ring. WDD hops up to the top, second guesses it, and hops straight onto the ropes and Shooting Star Presses Rumm. WDD gets up and tosses Rumm into the ring. He goes for the count, but only comes up with a 2 count. He picks up Rumm and goes for the Irish whip, but it's reversed and WDD is sent to the corner. Rumm sends WDD up for the superplex. And he is about to pull it off until WDD low blows him via a well-placed kick to the extremely small groin area of Theo Rumm (Couldn't resist, sorry). He reverses the superplex and he hits a German Suplex. He goes for the cover. 1...2...3. *

DD: The winner of the match & still employed by EWT, WDD.

* WDD grabs the microphone away from Diamond & starts to speak: *

WDD: Well, well, well. How the mighty have fallen. I remember when you got here Theo, you thought you were on top of the whole damn world, acting like you were the biggest thing since sliced bread around here. You went around here pushing people around, acting like a jerk, calling yourself the best. Well I got sour news for ya Jack. There's only one guy who can lay claim to that title, and that's me Theo. And I just showed how damn good I am by beating you right here, in the middle of the ring. But I'll give you some credit Theo, you put up a good fight tonight, and you earned my respect, and I'd like a rematch, but unfortunately for you, there won't be a rematch, because right now, Toomi is waiting for you in the back to give you your walking orders. So goodbye Theo Rumm, it was nice knowing you, but now I'm off to better, and more meaningful things.

* Ride the Lightning hits and WDD strolls to the back, but holding his head, still selling the chair shot *

DD: Wow, um, wow. He just took the microphone out of my hand.

[Toom E. Guci]

* Just then, the ring crew starts bringing out weird props & hand Diamond a note.*

DD: Hey, an unannounced match. How cool is this? I think you guys are in for a treat. It is a Hardcore Playground Match. Coming to the ring first, from Brooklyn, New York…here is the man called curtrok.

* Pyro falls down from the rafters. Curtrok walks out to the ring in his icon t-shirt and black trunks. Curtrok slides into the ring and snatches the microphone from Dustin Diamond.

* CR: Maybe the ring announcer missed the show last week but I said that there was going to be no match tonight. Instead I have something to say to Toomi. *

Barbed Wire Harry's music hits and he charges down to the ring to a thunderous ovation. Curtrok is visibly frustrated. Harry takes the microphone from Curtrok. *

BWH: Listen you P****. These fans want to see me and you get it on in the middle of this ring.

* Curtrok snatches the microphone back. *

CR: Is that so? Don't you get it kid. We are an afterthought. Toomi didn't want us on this card. He forgot you, he forgot me! You busted your ass for him and already you are over looked. These fans don't care about you, look what I did to Benjamin, where are all his fans now. Harry just walks away. I don't want this to get ugly. I had my fun with you and now it’s on to more important things.

BWH: (Screaming) Fight me you P****.

CR: I'm sorry Harry I'm not putting my body on the line for fat as Toomi and these idiot fans.

* Curtrok begins to walk out of the ring and is attacked from behind by Harry, the referee sounds for the bell. Harry delivers five stiff right hands. Curtrok does not try to cover up or retaliate. *

* Harry picks up Curtrok and delivers a spine shaking scoop slam. Curtrok is now down on his back and eats three successive elbows from Harry.*

JR: Why isn't Curtrok fighting back?

Jesse Ventura: I don't understand it.

* Harry helps Curtrok back to his feet and delivers a sidewalk slam. The referee steps in and tell Cutrok to start defending himself. Curtrok shakes his head no and can be heard shouting "not for these fans, not for Toomi.”*

* Harry slides out of the ring; the floor is littered with weapons. Harry throws a garbage can, a ken-do stick, fire extinguisher and barbed wire bat into the ring. Harry slides back into the ring as Curtrok makes his way back up to his feet.*

JR: What is he trying to prove bah gawd?

JV: I don't know JR.

BWH: (Shouting) Are you going to fight me P****.

* The camera picks up the rage building in Curtrok's eyes but he still refuses to fight back. Harry picks up the ken-do stick and lashes Curtrok across the face with twice creating huge welt and busting him wide open. The referee threatens to stop the match if Curtrok doesn't defend himself. Curtrok just shakes his head no before eating another ken-do shot.*

* Curtok is laid out on the Mat and Harry continues his verbal assault. "You aren't an Icon you're EWT Extremely Weak Tea Bagger! With that Harry rips off Curtrok's Icon T-shirt and waves it over his had has he struts around the ring with it.*

BWH: I destroyed the ICON!

* Curtrok works his way back up to his feet and wipes the blood from his face. As he reaches his feet Harry turns around and is gouged in the eye. Curtrok then connects with a snap suplex. Curtrok delivers some stiff looking head shots to the downed Harry then slides out of the ring, screaming "you asked for this Toomi, I'm gonna give you what you want.”*

* Curtok slides back into the ring with a stop sign and crushes Harry over the head with it. Harry is staggered and then floored by a vertical drop kick. Curtrok picks up the fire extinguisher from the mat and sprays Harry in the eyes, blinding him. Curtrok hits the ropes and delivers a fire extinguisher to the forehead of Harry who is also bleeding profusely now.*

* Harry feels around on the floor until he finds the barbed wire bat and hits Curtrok in the stomach with it, taking a large chunk of flesh with him on the recoil. Harry works back to his feet gets a running start and is then up ended by a back-body drop onto the floor. Curtrok follows him outside with flying cloths line.*

* Curtrok picks up Harry on the outside and delivers a full-nelson slam, on the cement. Curtok then goes for the ring steps and drives them in to the left knee of Harry repeatedly. Curtrok discards the steps which now show a knee shaped indentation and grabs a steel chair. Curtrok places the chair on Harry's knee with the seat on the underside of his knee and the back resting on top. Curtrok them climbs to the top turnbuckle and connects on a flying stomp from up top onto Harry's knee.*

JR: Bah gawd he just shattered that man's leg, stop the match he needs medical attention.

* Harry writhes in pain on the outside. Curtrok throws Harry back into the ring. Curtrok slaps on the Texas cloverleaf. Harry blacks out from the pain after the hold was administered for several minutes. The referee demands that Curtrok break the hold and pin Harry. Curtrok breaks the hold. Curtrok picks Harry up and places Harry on top of his torso. The referee confused as no choice but to count to three and declare Harry the winner. Curtrok rolls Harry off of his torso as Harry continues to lay unconscious in the ring.*

DD: Here is your winner Barbed Wire Harry.

* Curtrok asks for the microphone and is greeted with a chorus of boos.*

CR: Why are you people booing me? You got what you wanted, look at your Hardcore hero. He won the match didn't he? That's what you care about right? Of course it isn't you people are sick freaks I'm here squirting blood out and he may never walk again and instead of cheering a great match, you boo. I tried to warn you Harry but you just didn't listen. Now you're dumb ass my never walk again. If you do I hope you listen and walk away. You "beat" me, that's what you wanted right? The fans got what they wanted in seeing a man get crippled, you got your precious f***** victory and Toomi got to make money off of it. So I hope you're all happy and you can all kiss my a**

* Curtrok stand at the top of the ramp and watches as Harry is taken out via stretcher.*

[Toom E. Guci]

* The ToomiTron shows the events leading up to the TLC match between Ultimo Chocula and PZA such as UC holding up the Gene Rayburn Memorial title, PZA calling him out, the fist fight they had on Wrong Is Gore where both men got bloodied, the altercation at the $10,000 battle royal, UC throwing PZA through a window, PZA jumping UC before his chain match with David Adams, UC's custom t-shirt, the chair shot that accidentally injured Terri, and the brawl in Terri's hospital room. After the video is over the camera goes to the ring where Howard Finkel is standing with a mic. Above the ring the GRM belt is hanging from a cable.*

[Toom E. Guci]

DD: This next contest is sanctioned by some other promotion & is a TLC Match for the Gene Rayburn Memorial Championship. Hey, I remember that guy. He got all the girls! The challenger in this match hails from Springfield, Missouri. Here is Pza. And his opponent is the Gene Rayburn Memorial Champion. Ladies & gentlemen, I give to you Ultimo Chocula.

* UC marches straight to the ring and immediately starts setting up tables. After two tables on the outside he leans a ladder up against a turnbuckle, then turns towards the entry way and waits for PZA.*


* "The Truth About Human Spontaneous Combustion" plays but PZA doesn't come out. UC gets P'ed and steps out to the ring apron screaming towards the back for PZA to come out. Suddenly PZA appears from the other side of the ring out of the crowd and suicide dive/spears UC off the apron onto the floor and both men start brawling with some of the stiffest shots since Stan Hansen. Earl Hebner is afraid to step between the two so he wisely stays in the ring. PZA knee lifts UC in the stomach then rams his head on the ring mat. PZA measures him for a clothesline but UC dodges and PZA hits his back on the ring apron. UC gives him a pinpoint dropkick in the teeth and PZA goes down. UC picks up a chair and waits for PZA to get up. He stands and UC goes for a chair shot but PZA ducks and the chair hits the ring post. UC drops the chair from the vibrations and PZA gives him a Release German Suplex on the floor. PZA picks UC up and throws him in the ring then picks up some chairs and throws them in as well before getting in the ring himself.*

* PZA picks up a chair and lets UC have it on the back twice. He then jumps, puts the chair underneath him, and leg drops UC across the back of the head. PZA picks UC up and gives him a running powerslam on another chair. He picks up UC and gives him a spinning suplex. UC is paying and PZA climbs to the top turnbuckle and lands a Macho Elbow on UC. The crowd is behind PZA as he gets up and raises his arms, celebrating his thumping of UC. He picks up UC again and sends him into the ropes, but UC ducks his clothesline and goes for a flying clothesline of his own on the rebound. But PZA drops down on his back and uses UC's momentum to monkey flip UC over the top rope and out to the floor again. PZA waits for UC to get up and dives through the ropes with a suicide dive. But PZA didn't see UC pick up a chair and he gets a full home run swing chair shot flush in the face as he flies through the ropes.*

Crowd: "Ooooooooh!!!!!"

UC: "Kabong!"

* PZA is writhing on the floor and UC collects himself for a moment. After catching his breath he gives PZA two "receipt" chair shots to the back and performs a standing moonsault on PZA with the chair in between. He then throws PZA in the ring and comes back in still holding the chair. He sets the chair up in the middle of the ring, then throws PZA into the ropes and gives him a flapjack on the chair. PZA is holding his head and UC decides to set the ladder up. He straightens it out and climbs up but halfway up he notices he's not nearly close enough. He climbs anyway deciding he'll make a jump for it, but PZA has recuperated and starts climbing up the other side. UC gets to the top first but PZA gets there soon after and both men trade blows. The ladder is dangerously close to the ropes but both men still punch each other. PZA then grabs UC's head and slams it on the top of the ladder. He then positions UC's head between his legs, let's out a rebel yell, and gives UC a CANADIAN DESTROYER OFF THE LADDER ONTO THE FRENCH ANNOUNCE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE! The table is toothpicks and both men are laid out.*

Crowd: "THEY'RE BOTH DEAD! THEY'RE BOTH DEAD! THEY'RE BOTH DEAD!"

* The French announce team put out their cigarettes, call both guys "peegs" then storm out of the arena. After five minutes PZA manages to get himself on all fours and crawls towards the ring. He gets inside, moves the ladder over, and begins to climb, but his ass is killing him. PZA is three rungs from the top when UC makes a sudden run up the ladder, jumps to the side, and connects with a Shining Wizard-esque kick to the face both men crash to the canvas. Both men stagger to their feet but UC is first with a super kick. He moves over to the ladder and starts to climb up. PZA sees this, grabs a chair, and goes over to knock UC off but before he can swing Michael Cole runs into the ring and nails UC in the ghoulies with a kendo stick sending UC to the mat in a heap. Cole jumps up and down and laughs at UC then turns to PZA for a high five. Cole gets a chair shot right between the eyes. PZA then picks Cole up and lawn darts him into the first of the two tables that were all ready set up outside. Cole lands awkwardly through the table, Taka Royal Rumble 2001 style, and is rolling around in agony.*

PZA: "I don't want your #$&%in' help!"

*PZA lays the boots into a downed UC. UC tries to get up but he's met with a Yakuza Kick in the face and he goes back down again. Then just to mean, PZA tips the ladder onto UC, crashing down on his all ready soft head. PZA moves the ladder over to the side and sets up to chairs on either side of the ring. He grabs UC and Suplexes him on one chair, keeps it going and Suplexes him on the second set up chair, then links it with a third suplex on the first chair again. UC is looking sad but PZA isn't through yet. PZA sends UC into the turnbuckle and gives him a running shoulder block to the stomach. PZA mounts the turnbuckles and gives UC the 10 punch as the crowd counts along. When he's done he bulldogs UC's face straight into the mat. Then he picks up UC and gives him a full nelson slam, runs the ropes and drops both knees right into UC's guts. PZA goes to the outside and moves the remaining table over by the ramp then gets back inside. He grabs UC and signals for a running powerbomb to the outside. He gets UC up, starts running towards the ropes, but at the last moment UC pushes himself over PZA's head and lands on his feet. When PZA turns around he gets a stiff kick in the stomach. UC then locks in a side full nelson and Squid Face's PZA on one of the set up chairs. After taking a few moments to collect him, UC picks up PZA and dumps him Berserker style out of the ring. He grabs one chair, goes outside and lays PZA on the table with the chair resting on his stomach. UC then goes back in the ring, sets up the other chair near the ropes, and makes the camera signal. He runs the ropes, jumps off the chair, turns as he lands on the ropes, and springboards into a FRIGGIN' DOUBLE MOONSAULT THROUGH THE TABLE!!! PZA is a heap in the shards of table and UC is holding his stomach in an unbelievable amount of pain. The camera zooms in on his face and we hear...*

UC: "I'm never doing THAT again.....

* The crowd has gone bananas, chanting "EWT!" After another five minutes, UC drags his sorry carcass back in the ring and sets the ladder up. He slowly starts climbing. PZA manages to get back in the ring and starts to climb the ladder on the opposite side. Both men are beat and trading blows between the rungs as they slowly get to the top. UC grabs the GRM belt first but takes a soup bone to the mug. PZA grabs the other end of the belt and takes a shot to the beezer from UC. Both men have the belt in one hand and are taking shots with the other. The motion is causing the ladder to wobble and suddenly if falls over, with both men dangling from the belt. Since it's made of cardboard, it only takes a few seconds to tear in half and both men crash to the canvas as the bell rings. Hebner doesn't know whom to call the winner. UC says he wins since he touched the belt first. PZA says he wins since he has the bigger half. The three men argue when Toomi's music hits and he makes his way to the stage.*

Tooms: "Guys, I gotta say, you two put on one hell of a match. But quite frankly, I've had enough of this stupid Gene Rayburn Memorial crap! I'm sick of it! It was funny for a couple weeks and now it's just ridiculous! Chocula, you've had your fun, but as of this moment, the Gene Rayburn Memorial title is DEAD!"

* Tooms stops speaking and looks to the crowd, who are chanting "FIVE MORE MINUTES! FIVE MORE MINUTES!"*

Tooms: "But since this great EWT audience demands it, I will give you guys five more minutes to hash this out. The first one to score the fall, by pin or submission, will be the winner. Your time starts NOW!"

* The bell rings again and UC wastes no time giving PZA a Tito Flying Forearm. He goes for the pin and gets 2 1/2. He gives PZA a Hennig-Plex but still only gets 2 1/2. UC climbs the turnbuckles and lands a Kneesault on PZA's chest. He goes for the pin but gets 2 3/4. UC then puts PZA in a Martel-esque Boston Crab and PZA is in trouble. PZA screams in pain but won't give up. After three minutes he finally manages to push off and flip UC over. Both guys get up but PZA is back down again after a Spinning Knuckle. UC signals for the Sugar Fix and puts PZA in the front face lock. PZA reverses into a Release Northern Lights Suplex. Both men get up and UC goes for the hurricanarama but PZA blocks, throws UC up in the Razor's Edge position, and lays him out with the Smark Driver. PZA hooks the leg & scores the 1-2-3.*

* The crowd has gone berserk as PZA slowly gets to his feet and raises his arms in victory. After a turnbuckle salute he grabs both halves of the GRM belt. He throws one half into the crows and keeps the other half for himself. The fans are going buck ripping the GRM belt to shreds as PZA slowly walks up the ramp, broken but victorious. He gives the crowd one last salute and heads to the back. Just then Pza is attacked from behind by a masked assailant. The assailant nails Pza with a barbed wire baseball bat & rakes at the forehead of Pza. The assailant grabs Pza & throws him off the entryway ramp, as Pza crashes down onto one of the ring crew trunks with such force, that the trunk bends under the pressure. The assailant jumps off the ramp & nails one more bat shot to Pza & drops the bat, jumping the barricade, & disappearing into the crowd as EMT’s rush out to check on Pza’s condition.*

* Meanwhile UC has to use the ropes to get up. After he stands up the fans start throwing the remains of the GRM belt at him, laughing and mocking him. UC is in shock as he sees his precious but pitiful belt reduced to ribbons. He gets out of the ring with his head hung but his teeth clenched and seething as he hobbles to the back.*

[Toom E. Guci]

DD: Who was that masked man? He looked like the build of AC Slater & he’s been involved in wrestling before, too. DD: This next contest is scheduled for one fall in the Hell in the Cell! And it is for the EWT Ox Division Title of this world...

*Dorf's music hits. It's his new theme heard once before, 'It's Dorf's Time.' He comes out from the back with actual cheers from the crowd. Associated with Dorf is his longtime girlfriend, Diva-Dorf.*

DD: Coming down to the ring, accompanied by Diva-Dorf...weighing in at 268 lbs. from Filthadelphia, Pencilvania...DORRRRRRRRF!

*The crowd has a mixed reaction of Dorf as he has finally returned to EWT. He holds Diva-Dorf's hand as they stroll down the ramp to enter the ring just peachy. He climbs the ropes and still gets a few face pops as he is now a cult. He steps down onto the ring again and points to his diva and the crowd boo's majestically for because she still treats everyone like a skank. Dorf then dances around the ring to prepare for his match to stay loose.*

*David Adams music hits. It is "Note to Self: Don't Die" by Ryan Adams. It's basically the same as his father's once was, but with a new edgier hit so the younguns can appreciate it. He comes out from the back with mostly boo's except some girls scream real loud for his sexiness.*

Finkel: Coming down to the ring, he is the EWT Ox Division champion.... weighing in at 223 lbs. from his wonderful Adams Mansion....DA-VID ADAMMMMMMMS!

*The crowd boo's are still relevant as he struts down to the ring his cocky look with the exception of many young females screaming real loud. He does his patented father's trademark strut down the ramp and enters the ring no problem. He stares at Diva-Dorf at an impatient look. Adams finally steps both feet into the ring and looks as confident as ever.*

*David Adams takes off his belt and raises it to the crowd. Boo's occur throughout the arena. After raising the belt, Adams hands it to the referee. The referee tonight is Earl White. White picks up the belt to signify the EWT Ox Title is on the line tonight. The ref hands the belt over to the timekeeper who will keep it for safety. The Cell begins to lower.*

*As the cell lowers, David Adams and Dorf begin to worry a little. Dorf tells Diva-Dorf to stay in the back cause it's not going to be pretty. She leaves in an instant. Dorf looks more confident than Adams in the ring, but Adams has had the experience of wrestling in the last 2 months. The Cell is now down and the ref signals to hit bell. The timekeeper rings the bell to officially start the match.*

*Dorf and Adams lock up...and Dorf tries to use his weight as an advantage, but David Adams has great strength to hold on. Dorf eventually got the upperhand as he uses a left hammerlock pressure apply to David Adams shoulder. Adams yells in pain, but it wasn't a real big pain. Adams reverses out of nowhere to do a left hammerlock on Dorf. He holds the pressure into Dorf's shoulder really good as Dorf screams in pain. His pain was way worse than when David Adams was applied by the hammerlock.*

*Dorf eventually used his strength to do an arm drag takedown on David Adams. Adams gets right back up quickly and gives Dorf and arm drag takedown of his own and they both get up at the same time both staring at each other still mad. The crowd cheers voraciously. Dorf and David Adams lock up again with this time, the advantage belongs to David Adams. Adams takes Dorf to one of the corners and holds Dorf there.*

*Adams kicks Dorf in the knees right away so that he can bend over and apply one of his father's famous knife-edge chops to Dorf's chest. The crowd cheers DOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Adams kicks Dorf's knees again and immediately applies another knife-edge chop to Dorf's chest. This time the chop was louder and an imprint red mark was now apparent on Dorf's chest. The crowd once more cheers DOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! David Adams yells DOOOOOO!!!. Adams goes to chop Dorf once more, but it is countered from Dorf with a kick to Adams' stomach.*

*Dorf goes up to the second rope and gives Adams a Tornado DDT. Dorf covers and only gets a stiff, 2 count from the referee, Earl White. Dorf was a little upset, but he knows this was only the beginning of something huge. Dorf makes David Adams stand up and attempts to do an Irish Whip to him. He starts the move and David Adams turns it around as he whips as hard as he can to Dorf. The steel whips Dorf from the Cell as he screams in pain from his back. It took Dorf down to his knees and David Adams runs out of nowhere to give Dorf a snap DDT. He covers Dorf and only gets a 2 count. Dorf barely kicked out though.*

*David Adams gets up and goes right to the corner nearest to him and drags Dorf with him. David Adams goes up to the top rope as Dorf is near that corner. Adams takes his time and prepares for his top-rope move. IT'S A SHOOTING STAR PRESS! Adams performs the move just about perfect and as he lands, Dorf gets out of the way to miss his perfect Star Press. Dorf gets up slowly as touches his neck, probably still hurting from the snap DDT. Dorf walks over to a David Adams down from that Shooting Star Press attempt.*

*Dorf makes Adams stand up and performs a modified 'Sleeper' hold onto David Adams. Adams knew what was going on and unbeknownst by the ref (even though it is no-DQ), Adams low blows Dorf to make sure that never happens in this match again. A little tired Adams does another knife-edge chop to Dorf. The crowd yells DOOOOOOOO once more. Adams then picks up Dorf to do a Belly-to-Belly Suplex and connects it. Instead of letting go, he held onto Dorf and put him in a predicament pin with a little bridge. The ref counts........1............2.......Dorf barely kicking out.*

*Adams is now a little upset and knew how to make Dorf wearier. He Irish Whips Dorf to the Cell again this time Dorf is screaming in more pain. Dorf's back is now a rosy red color. Adams goes right up to Dorf and delivers another knife-edge chop to Dorf's chest. Adams takes Dorf to the closest corner there is and takes him to the top rope. Adams takes his time up to the top rope and attempts to do a German Suplex of the top rope. Adams tries to pick up Dorf, but he has a little trouble and connects with the Adams Suplex (top rope German Suplex). Adams covers Dorf again as the ref counts.........1...........2.........Dorf barely kicking out again.*

*Adams is really getting stressed out that he cannot beat Dorf without his finisher. Adams has an idea though. He steps out of the cell and steals the belt from the timekeeper.*

Timekeeper: HEY! You can't do that!

*Adams ignores the timekeeper and returns into the ring fine n' dandy. Adams prepares to strike Dorf with his belt, waiting for Dorf to stand up. His keen eye knows where to hit Dorf with his belt. Dorf finally gets up and is wobbling around as Adams waits for Dorf to turn around. Adams charges at Dorf with his belt in lead and then all of a sudden, Dorf regained his motion and ducks a charging David Adams and Dorf pushes Adams even harder to run into the cell face first.*

*Dorf catches David Adams in mid-air from behind and performs an inverted DDT. Dorf covers as the ref counts.........1...........2.......Adams barely kicking out this one. Dorf gets up right away and takes David Adams to a corner. Dorf goes up to the second rope, while David Adams is lying at the end of that corner. Dorf prepares for one of his finishers, the Dorf Driver. Dorf picks up Adams to a tight acute angle and drops for the Dorf Driver! Dorf covers Adams as the ref counts.......1..........2........Adams barely kicks out of the Dorf Driver. *

*Dorf is pissed as David Adams kicks out his finisher, as Dorf told the referee that he got 3. The ref told Dorf 2.... TWO! Dorf, frustrated goes to a barely moving David Adams and makes him stand up. Dorf starts to hold the neck of Adams and completes his other finisher, the Dorf-plex. Dorf looks pleased as he performed the move and covers David Adams once more. The referee counts 1.............2...........AND ANOTHER KICKOUT BY DAVID ADAMS! The crowd is absolutely stunned at what happened.*

*Dorf extremely pissed off, goes to the ref and tell White that was a three count, not a two. Dorf smacks the mat and goes into a tantrum as he smacks the mat and shakes the ropes, Ultimate Warrior style. Dorf knew that the only way to beat David Adams was to pound him some more onto the cage. Dorf goes right over to David Adams and makes him stand up. Dorf tosses Adams to the cell by using a Belly-to-Belly Suplex with Adams landing on the cell for a second and then landing on the mat hard. Dorf then picks up Adams, via back body and tosses Adams to the Cell again, this time hurting Adams' back.*

*Dorf has a grin on his face. He then picks up Adams to the closest corner and a way to end this match...the AbDorftion. Adams lies there as Dorf punches some nice ones at Adams' back. Dorf goes up to the second turnbuckle, and punches some more at David Adams. Dorf makes it to the top rope and continues punching David Adams. After 3 more punches to David Adams' back, Dorf makes Adams stand up and is ready to do the AbDorftion. Dorf tries to lift Adams, but he cannot as Adams is using his strength to hold on.*

*Adams out of nowhere does a desperate low blow, but both are wobbling as Dorf almost fell. Both competitors just sat on the top rope for a few seconds as David Adams got up slowly first. He punches Dorf's head as he is making Dorf stand up. David Adams signals the end as he tries to format his finisher, The Crowning Achievement Version 2. Adams has a hard time lifting Dorf due to him being heavier and David Adams very tired from his match so far (he’s been through a Dorf Driver and Dorf-plex).*

*Adams could not pick Dorf up all the way to perform The Crowning Achievement, so then used as much as he can do to Dorf to do a modified Dorf Driver. He connects it perfectly as would any other Adams would say. Adams covers Dorf with what little strength he has left, as it seems to be that Dorf is knocked out cold. The ref counts, 1.………2……….NO, the ref exclaimed! David Adams is crying, as he sees why the ref said no. Dorf’s boot was on the bottom rope.*

*David Adams is still crying for what had happen. He gets up slowly and exits the HIAC. He finds a ladder outside the ring and takes it inside. Dorf is still down with his boot on the rope, while Adams sets up the ladder on the ring. Adams just stopped crying and had an idea-esque smirk on his face. David Adams then makes Dorf stand up and places him on the ladder. Adams climbs the ladder and goes up one step above where Dorf is located on the ladder. Adams stretches Dorf’s arms back into what appears to be a full nelson. Then all of a sudden, Adams does a 180-degree Inverted Unprettier and connects it perfectly. The crowd chants Holy S***! Adams, a little hurt from this move, crawls over to Dorf and attempts to pin him.*

*The ref counts, 1…………2………..NO! Dorf barely got his shoulder up as indicated by the referee. Adams is upset once more, but this time he is not crying. He knew that there is one thing Dorf can be easily defeated and that was a table. Adams leaves the HIAC once more this time to steal a steel table that was also conveniently outside the ring just for our viewing pleasure. Adams takes the steel table inside the ring and sets it up right next to the ladder. Adams makes Dorf stand up and tries to pick him up to drag him onto the ladder, step by step onto it.*

*Adams continues this process until Dorf is on the next to the top step of the ladder. Adams swings around the other side of the ladder and climbs to the top as fast as he could be and does so no problem, despite the ladder wobbling. Once Adams got to the top of the ladder he tries to pick up Dorf once more, but he could not make it work. He could not lift Dorf up period. So then David Adams thinks about doing that 180-inverted Unprettier again as he attempts to put Dorf on the other side. Dorf, starting to realize where he is at prevents that happening, as David Adams does not like this one bit. Dorf is resisting Adams’ attempt to turn Dorf over, but Dorf got the stronger power in the end.*

*Dorf goes onto the top step, inches away from the top of the cell, bashes David Adams’ head onto the top of the cell and makes him bleed. (both competitors are on top of the ladder) They are punching at each other very cautiously and slowly on top of that ladder, due to it being so sensitive to shake. Adams and Dorf continue to punch over a wobbly ladder, until Dorf starts to have a little advantage. Adams head is starting to bleed profusely with those blows to the head. The crowd is restless because of what is happening.*

*Dorf has now a full advantage over David Adams and continues to punch him in the head. Dorf was slowing down (tired of punching) and immediately grabs David Adams arm over his shoulder as the crowd is starting to get worried of what is going to happen next. Dorf then used all of his strength to lift David Adams a little from the ladder and it immediately wobbles and falls as Dorf holds on to a sort of falling Adams. Dorf turns into a 180 and pulls himself on top of Adams as they both head toward the mat.*

*DORF HITS THE ABDORFTION! He lands the AbDorftion on top of a steel table cracking it in half. Dorf is lying of top of David Adams, but the ref got knocked out as Dorf’s foot hit the ref. Both competitors are not moving as everybody is down. Including the ladder, which is down on the opposite side where the table is located. The crowd is chanting HOLY S***, very loudly. As soon as the crowd dies down, “Poor and Weird” by the Briefs is blasted throughout the arena.*

*Ultimo Chocula comes out and he looks very pissed. He comes out straight to the ring on a mission. He enters the HIAC no problem and goes right straight to the referee. The crowd is getting upset as Chocula came into this match out of nowhere. Boo’s start to filter the arena. Chocula is right at the ref and takes his time to do what he wants to do. But, being the nice guy he is, he uses the referee’s arm to count the pin (both Dorf and Adams are still knocked out from the AbDorftion, as is the ref).*

* Chocula counts as half the crowd is booing and the other half is following the count (screaming the number aloud) 1………………………….2…………………………..3.*

DD: Here is your winner & NEW EWT Ox Division Champion, dorf!!

[Toom E. Guci]

*Chocula raises Dorf’s hand for the victory and makes him stand up. Dorf is somewhat still out of it, but he is hearing his theme music and wonders what happened and why is Chocula in front of him. Chocula pats Dorf in the back for the match well done and then all of a sudden, kicks Dorf in the stomach, and delivers a Sugar Fix to him; knocking Dorf out cold. Chocula then leaves to a chorus of boo’s, mainly a minor ‘Ass****’ chant. EMT’s finally arrive to care the participants in the HIAC*

* Dustin Diamond has his trademark confused going as he’s about to announce the next match up, when suddenly the music of Mean Simmons hits as he walks out with his newlywed bride, Sara. Simmons grabs the microphone from Diamond.*

MS: What the hell kind of garbage is this? I’m sitting here in the back with my new bride & all I see is you & you’re washed up, has been teen star ass. This is an outrage. Where the hell is my moment on this pay per view. I didn’t come to California for a vacation, especially since I had to pay for this trip. No, I came to California to kick some…oof!!!

* At that point, Simmons is speared from behind as a madman starts throwing punches on him. Security & staff bombard the ring to break it apart as Simmons grabs Sara & jumps out of the ring. Security drags the man out of the ring & as he breaks free, we see that it’s obi. Obi grabs the microphone.*

obi: Sara, Jason, I am going to make your lives a living hell!!! EWT can kiss my ass! Ring of Respect is a better promotion. You two & the EWT are going to pay. F*** you Jason! F*** you Sara!!

* Security rushes obi again & cuff him, dragging him out of the ringside area to a large pop from the fans in support, chanting for obi.*

[Toom E. Guci]

DD: Wow, how’s that for excitement? Never saw THAT coming, now did you? Now for our next contest, which is the I Quit Match. Making his way to the ring first, here is Mike Ragnal. And his opponent at this time is the first ever EWT Champion, sieve.

* Mike gets in the ring & sits, waiting. Sieve’s music hits, but nothing. Mike grabs the microphone & starts to speak:*

Mike: First, this moron attacks me at the last pay per view after a hard fought match. He puts me through a burning exam table & takes a kendo stick to my head. And when I am ready for revenge, he’s nowhere in sight. He hasn’t shown up for any of his matches. He hasn’t shown up for the EWT Poker Games. He hasn’t even shown up for the Rookie Shower Hazing. So what does this mean? This means I should win the match by forfeit. Do you hear me? FORFEIT!!! Because I am Mike F***ing Ragnal. I am the man all in EWT fear. And nobody DARES come to MY ring of hardcore. I challenge anybody in this building.

* Mike drops the microphone & sits in the corner, waiting. Just then, a masked man jumps the barricade. Security rushes him as Mike looks down & says something:*

Mike: No, no, no…let him speak. I want to hear what he has to say.

* The masked man talks with a familiar voice.*

MM: You say everybody in EWT fears you? So be it. I am not in EWT & I do not fear you. I came here for a mission & I couldn’t help but overhear the words from your mouth. You have an I Quit Match & your opponent hasn’t shown up. I tell you what, I got nothing to do. You got nothing to do. I don’t even know the meaning of I quit. So what do you say you & I tango in the ring & see who ends up with a rose? After all, I have wrestled some of the best in the world & some of EWT’s finest throughout the world.

Mike: A rose? I don’t know what the f*** that means, but you’re on my friend. And maybe, just maybe we can answer that age-old Lone Ranger question: who was that masked man?

* Bischoff walks out from the back & gets in the ring with a microphone in his hand.*

TB: Hold on here, wait just a damn minute. Ragnal, you are not the booker around here. You are not the promoter around here. This match WILL NOT happen. And do you know why? Because, we already had 1 superstar injured by this madman here. We will not have 2 superstars injured by this madman.

MM: Oh, but you are mistaken Mr. Bischoff. That was not me who attacked your precious superstar tonight. No, no, no. For you see, I saw that man run by me as I entered the arena. There was a funny thing about him as he left though. He yelled something about turkey. We must have shopped at the same Halloween store.

* A weird look goes on Bischoff’s face as he starts to think. *

TB: You want a match tonight? So be it. Gentlemen, if you weell, we have some important matters to discuss. Ragnal, you want this match?

Mike: Hell yeah I do.

TB: So be it, under 1 condition. I have lawyers in the back that will draw up a contract. And for this match to legally happen, it WILL be sanctioned for 2 EWT
superstars. Do I make myself clear?

Mike: I already am an EWT superstar.

MM: Works for me.

TB: Fine, we will go over details during this next contest, if you weell. Gentlemen, to the back please. It’s time to make a super fast superstar contract

[Toom E. Guci]

* Camera cuts to the Mess Hall on campus. AC Slater is clearing the last of the tables. Lillian Garcia is sitting at a table. When she notices the camera.*


Lillian Garcia: Oh, now?
Ladies and gentlemen of the cafeteria, it's time for the Mess Hall match! Introducing first, half of the challengers for the tag team titles, weighing in at 232 pounds, he is The Heart Break Hitman, Bret Michaels!

The college kids in the hall cheer loudly, as "Sexy Guy" plays on the PA system, and Bret comes in through the cafeteria entrance, followed by Rosa and Gasoline. Rosa and Gasoline sit down behind a lunch table, and watch. Gas picks up a tray, and runs to the lunch line.

Lillian Garcia: Introducing second, weighing in at...15 Stone? Standing at Six feet tall, here's Limey!

The students cheer for Limey, as "RIP" by Gary Newman blares over the PA. Limey steps in, followed by Carla. Carla joins Rosa at her seat. "All About the Pentiums" by Weird Al Yankovic begins playing, and Lillian Garcia begins her announcements.

Lillian: Scaling in at a combined weight of 376 pounds, hailing from Kenosha, Wisconsin, they are the current and defending Tag Team Champions...The Nyrds!

When nobody appears, Bret speaks up.

Bret: Where the hell are those dorks?

Limey: Pffft. Scared 'em off. I guess their troubles with each other wouldn't let them fight us.
We win.

Joel pops out of the salad bar, and Mike pops out of the soda fridge, Joel attacks Bret while Mike goes for Limey. Maria walks in through the mess hall entrance.

Maria: I just wanted to have lunch!

Joel begins slamming Bret's head on a counter, and then brings him on top of the table. Joel then leaps down and puts him in a fujiwara armbar, cranking away at the shoulder and forearm. Bret pulls himself along the tabletop, dragging Joel with him, still locking the hold on. Finally, well, not so finally because they were pretty close the to it anyway, Bret reaches the edge, and they both topple over the side.
Bret grabs Joel's arm and pulls it into a cross arm breaker. Bret grabs a table leg for leverage, and tugs away, Joel screaming with each pull.

Meanwhile, Mike is throwing wild punches at Limey at the snack bar. Mike is throwing all assortments of food he can find at Limey: Candy bars, soda, Pringles can, that stuff. Limey quickly grabs a Pixie Stick and blows through it like a straw, blowing Cherry Flavored Candy Dust into Mike's eyes. Mike scrambles and scratches at the air, and screams pretty girly like, as Limey scoop slams him into the candy rack.
Limey backs up, then does a quick run and elbow drop, missing Mike as he rolls out of the way. Mike hops to the top of the rack, jumps, double stomps on Limey's exposed back, and hops to the floor. Mike backs up and somersaults into Limey, and slides off in a heap.

Bret still has the cross arm breaker locked in. Joel looks around and notices a tray. He reaches for it, just grazes it, and pulls it to himself. He then clonks it against Bret's head. Joel stands up and quickly knee drops Bret in the chest. Joel then gets back up and runs to Mike's aid. Joel tries to help Mike up, but Mike doesn't want help.

Mike: I'm FINE!

Joel: Jeez, okay.

Joel grabs Limey's arm as he begins to stir, and Mike grabs the other. They pull him down in the T-Gimmick back into the candy rack, and Mike pulls him off to pin him on the floor. The ref only counts to two, as Gasoline breaks up the count. Gas clotheslines Joel, and hits Mike with a backbreaker when he stands up. Bret joins him, and then Limey stands up, and they all have a big stomp-down on both of the Nyrds.
Maria, realizing she needs to help, runs up to the action.

Maria: Uh...uh...hit him with a drop kick!

Joel: Theres OW three of OW them, and OUUUUCH! you can't do a drop OW HOW HOWWW kick from the ground.

Maria: Oh...all right then.

Maria turns around and lifts her skirt.

Gas: Wow.

Bret: Neat.

Limey: Awright.

Gas and Limey are kicked in the crotches by the Nyrds, and they both quickly bolt up to hit Bret with a double STO. Now the two stomp down on the three, and after that, Mike climbs up to the top of a table, and launches himself forward in the Philo Tap. Mike is able to hit Bret and Gas, but Limey rolls out of the way. Limey gets up and tries to leap at Mike, but Joel sweeps his legs, and he falls headfirst...into Bret's crotch.

Bret: JESUS!
Twice in the same day? I'm losing my smile over this...

Gas gets up and clothes lines both Nyrds, and helps Bret up. Bret pushes Limey.

Bret: Dammit, watch what the hell you're doing!

Limey: It wasn't my fault.

Snitsky: (eating lunch, listening in) Hello lawsuit.

Gas suddenly goes down to the TOTAL ELIMINATION, as Joel and Mike get to their feet.

Gas: OWW MY QUAD!

Limey and Bret begin battling with the Nyrds with fisticuffs, moving along into the kitchen. Kane bring his arms down and the grill-stove flames rise. Bret hits Joel with the Sweet Chin Muzak, and Joel lands on the fryer-grill. Joel yelps in pain, and runs around the kitchen grabbing his rear end. Limey boots Mike in the stomach and readies him for a power bomb. Bret goes up to the top of the grill, and waits to stomp on Mike when the powerbomb is hit.
Just as Limey has Mike in the air, Joel clangs him on the head with a pan, and Limey actually falls forward into a hurricanarama. Joel hooks Bret's ankle with a soup ladle, and trips him off the grill, and Mike dropkicks him as he falls.

The Nyrds drag their opponents to the cafeteria area again, and are laid out by a chair shot from Carla. Rosa begins stomping on the downed Nyrds with high heels as Carla helps up Limey, and Limey seems shocked about something. He looks at a table and sees...
Flex Magnificent, eating a healthy, nutritious, hearty lunch. Flex waves, and then takes off, Limey following. Carla gives chase as well.
Maria spears Rosa, and they begin tumbling around the mess hall floor, frat boys cheering about it.

Frat boy: HOT DEWDS!

Frat boy 2: Awesome braw!

Bret is up by now, and takes out Mike with a DDT (and this is on some pretty hard floor now). Gasoline has gotten over his quad, and in between crying over it, has put Joel through a table with the Jackknife Powerbomb. Limey returns from his chase.

Bret: Where the hell were you?

Limey: Busy. Are you going to pin the Nyrd or what?

Bret: Fine.

Bret turns around and goes to pin Joel, when suddenly Mike jumps off a table and spinning wheel kicks Limey in the back, and falls to the ground hard. Limey goes forward, and knocks into Bret. Bret turns around.

Bret: You son of a b***h.

Limey: Bret, wait!

Bret hits Limey with the Sweet Chin Muzak, and Limey falls back and lands on Joel. The ref counts to three, and New Champions are crowned!

Lillian Garcia: Here are your winners, The Heart Break Hitman, Bret Michaels, and Limey!

Bret: Oh, hey, we won.

The ref hands Bret his title, and places Limey's title over his fallen body.

Mike helps up Joel.

Joel: Oh, man. I'm sorry.

Mike: Hey, it's okay. We can do something about it later.

The two bro-hug.

Mike: Actually, Joel?
I think I'll do something about it now.

Mike punches Joel in the face, and Maria screams. Mike grabs Joel by the head, and slams it on various tables, then tosses him through the glass of the Soda Fridge. Maria screams again.

Mike: You coming. *Maria shakes her head* Fine, I'll go find some other Bob Saget.

Mike leaves the Mess Hall, and Maria and the ref check on Joel, as Bret, Gas, and Rosa laugh their asses off.

[Toom E. Guci]

* Cut back to the arena, where Toomi Bischoff makes his way to the ring. He grabs the microphone to make an announcement.*

TB: Well, that was a surprising twist if you ask me. New champions, who woulda thought. Before we get to the I Quit Match, I have 3 announcements to make. First off, Heiden-dorf’s surgery was today & he is doing well. Doctors say he should be able to return to the ring in 2 & ½ weeks. Second announcement is that EWT is in talks with one of the hottest bands in the music industry to join us for the next EWT pay per view that is yet un-named. These guys surely will knock your socks off. And third off, it has come to my attention that something was not right in the opening match. At this time, I am not at liberty to discuss it, but I will have a ruling later this week. Now, I will turn things over to Dustin Diamond for our next match up.

DD: Ladies & gentlemen, this next contest is the I Quit Match. Coming to the ring first is the one & only, Mike Ragnal. And his opponent…say Tooms, who the hell is his opponent?

TB: I don’t know, I never did get a name. Give me a second here.

* Bischoff takes out the contract to read who the opponent is when:*

TB: Holy s***, I fired his ass. What the f***!?!?!?!

* Just then, the masked man comes into the ring & yanks his mask off to reveal psychoapeguy. The fans boo his return as Bischoff gets frustrated & rips up the contract, throwing it down on the ground. Pag grabs Bischoff & applies the mandible claw to him as Bischoff struggles. Dustin Diamond hits pag from behind with the microphone. Pag just turns & smiles, kicking Diamond. Pag grabs the microphone & starts beating on Diamond with it, busting him open. Mike comes up from behind & hits pag with a kendo stick. Pag turns again with a smile on his face & grabs Mike, throwing him over the top rope. Pag grabs Diamond & throws him over the top rope. Pag then goes after Bischoff, who now has the kendo stick in his hands. Pag still has the microphone in his hand.*

pag: Oh no, Mr. Bischoff. I don’t want you now. I want you then. For you see, you have gone soft as ice cream & I don’t like soft as ice cream. I want a fighting chance so I can beat on you, tear you apart, rip your carcass as you bleed, & stuff you in a body bag just like I am going to do to Ragnal here. And now that I am once again an EWT superstar because of your stupidity, I will get my chance Mr. Bischoff. For you see, giving me a new contract was your first mistake. Your second mistake was letting me back in. Your third mistake was accepting my challenge for a match inside the ring. And you see, Mr. Bischoff, that match will take place. I don’t know when, I don’t know where, but when you do accept my challenge & smarten up…then, & only then, will what I am about to do be justified.

* Bischoff is outside the ring, yelling:*

TB: YOU ARE NOT AN EWT SUPERSTAR!! YOU WILL NEVER BE AN EWT SUPERSTAR!! AND YOUR CRAZY!! YOU ARE F***ING CRAZY!!!

Pag: Oh, but I signed a contract Mr. Bischoff. And that contract makes me an EWT superstar, torn or not torn. And when I get my hands on you, Mr. Bischoff, you will….rest…in….piece.

* Bischoff heads over to Ragnal.*

TB: Get in the ring. Get in the ring & take care of his ass, NOW!!! OR YOU’RE FIRED!!!

* Bischoff grabs Mike & tosses him in the ring. Pag attacks him as the bell rings. Pag starts pounding away on Mike & grabs him, throwing him into the ropes. Pag nails a clothesline & on Mike, sending him crashing down. Pag picks up Mike & sets him up for a Tombstone piledriver, crashing his head down on the mat. Pag reaches into his pants, where he pulls out a roll of duct tape. Pag duct tapes Mike’s mouth shut & starts yelling at him.*

pag: Watch this Mr. Bischoff. He will not say I quit & what I do to him will be your fault.

TB: RING THE BELL, RING THE BELL!!! HE SAID I QUIT, HE SAID I QUIT!!! RING THE DAMN BELL!!!

* The time keeper looks at the referee & the referee shrugs his shoulders.*

TB: I SIGN YOUR PAYCHECKS!!! RING THE DAMN BELL!!!

* The timekeeper rings the bell as Mike Ragnal’s arm is raised in victory. The crowd boo’s as pag just looks down at Mike. Pag grabs the kendo stick & starts beating on Mike with the stick. Pag climbs out of the ring & talks to a ringside fan. The fan hands pag something as pag climbs back into the ring. Pag holds the kendo stick up & holds the object the fan gave him up, as well…a lighter. Pag lights the kendo stick on fire & nails Mike’s back with it multiple times. Pag tosses the stick down, where he then climbs out of the ring, pointing his finger at Bischoff. Pag grabs a table & slides it into the ring. He grabs an unconscious Mike & climbs the table. Pag scoops up Mike & nails another Tombstone piledriver onto the table, breaking the table in ½. Pag then grabs a bag that he brought to ringside & pulls out a body bag. Pag rolls out the bag & opens it. He rolls a bloody, unconscious, & burned Mike into the bag, where he zips the bag up. Pag kicks the bag a couple of times & then decides he’s had enough fun. He heads towards the outside, where he starts to climb over the barricade. Pag takes one last look at Bischoff, giving him the finger, rolls his eyes, & leaves. Bischoff motions for EMT’s to come out as we cut to the back with Marc Lloyd.*

[Toom E. Guci]

ML: I am here with the latest edition to the EWT female roster oceanic, who, up until now, has been sitting ringside for the pay per view. Oceanic, I am curious as to your thoughts of today’s events?

Oceanic: You want my thoughts? I am sitting on my ass as a spectator when I should be up there, in the ring. Not sitting with these common folks. For you see, I am a REAL female wrestler, something that hasn’t been seen for a long time. And your boss, Mr. Bischoff, disrespects that fact by having a champion that doesn’t even wrestle. It's halfway through the PPV and there is still no sign of Dr. Hillary Clitton. I gave a very simple ultimatum last week. Either shows up tonight and makes your presence known or we'll find something else to do with the Girl Next Door title. I really shouldn't be surprised. She hasn't shown her face in what seems like decades. She probably isn't even real.

ML: So, you’re saying you want a shot?

Oceanic: I don't want it to be like this but you've left me with little alternative. So what will it be doctor? Are you for real or not?"

ML: If you have seen past matches though Oceanic, you would know that she is very much real. Just ask the recently returned psychoapeguy. His mother did feud with Dr. Clitton. Wait a minute; I am receiving word from the back. There’s something coming from the satellite feed.

* Marc Lloyd & Oceanic look over at the television monitor & see a close up of the EWT Girl Next Door Championship. A familiar voice is heard as the camera pans out during the speech.*

Voice: You see this belt? You'll never get this belt! Never! And do you know why? Because, when I came to the EWT, it was understood that I would wrestle when I want, where I want. And do you know why? Because, I am a very busy woman. I am a gynecologist. I bring babies into this world on a daily basis. And when Bischoff hired me, it was placed in my contract that I will wrestle when I am not busy bringing life into this world. See, I was told to be at the arena, but as you can see…I am still at the hospital. I just brought another child into this world. And that is why I cannot be there tonight. I spoke with Toomi this morning after the phone calls earlier regarding me being there. I would have shown, but as you all know…the children are our future. And I bring to you, the future. And I hold this…the present.

* Screen shows the EWT Girl Next Door Championship again as the picture fades to black & we cut back to the ring.*

[Toom E. Guci]

The Fink stands in the middle of the ring, as the scramble cage descends. The bout of Moxie vs. Billy Ubermark will be starting imminently.

“Ladies and Gentlemen… The next match is a Scramble Cage Match, and is for the EWT Tri-State Title!” The Fink announces. “Personal Jesus” starts to play over the loudspeakers and from under the ToomiTron; the figures of Moxie and the Sage make their way into the ring.

“Making his way to the ring, he is the number one contender for the Tri-State Championship… He, is… Moxie!” By now, the cage is down, and Moxie (wearing his patented gray pants and whatnot) enters the ring; the Sage staying outside.

The music cuts, and the Fink announces: “Hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota… weighing in at about 226lbs… he is the reigning EWT Tri-State Champion… BILLY… “THE VIRGIN”… UBERMARK!!!” as the music of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” blares over the loudspeakers, Billy makes his way down the ring, wearing the new Ubermark T-Shirt, black with “Discriminate this!” and an arrow pointing down. Billy enters the ring, as the Fink exits.

MT: Greetings from the EWT Arena fans, I’m your host, Mike Tenay on loan from TNA, and with me as always is Don West.

DW: Man, oh man, have I been looking forward to this, Mike.

MT: As have I, Don. Nearly 6 months in the making, it finally settles here at SBTB.

Moxie stands in his corner, and waits for Billy, Billy stands in his corner, and motions for a mic.

BU: You know… Unlike a certain “prophet” that we all know, all the extra money that was donated from all MY fans to put this scramble cage together, went to charity.

MT: It went right in his pocket…

BU: It went to… The “Disabled Virgin Veterans” (smirks and points to two Large Balding Men standing under the ToomiTron, making their way down to the ring, the crowd starts a SHUT THE F*** UP chant) and they bought me these fine sunglasses that I’m wearing now!

The crowd boos and Billy gloats, motioning the two men into his corner. Moxie on the other hand is standing in his corner, stern and focused.

MT: The rules of the scramble cage are simple. Just pin your opponent. The cage is there to promote high-flying and exciting moves.

DW: And you know that this will be one HELL of a match, Mike!

The ref pulls both men into the center of the ring and checks their tights and pants. He pushes them back into their respective corners, and calls for the bell. The Scramble Cage has begun.

Moxie moves to the center, a firm cold look on his face; Billy casually walks up to Moxie, and proceeds to slap the taste out of him. Moxie turns right back, and takes Billy down, and hits a few hard rights. Moxie pops back up, and the crowd roars as the over ness of Moxie plays the crowd. Billy slowly gets up, clenching his jaw. Moxie slowly walks over to Billy, and proceeds to slap him across the mouth as well. Billy staggers, but goes for a right, but is blocked and they grapple, with Moxie getting the upper hand. He locks in a standing headlock, and then rotates around into a wristlock. Billy reverses, and pushes Moxie forward, with a light tap on the back of the head.

Billy and Moxie tie up again, this time with Billy getting the upper hand with a headlock of his own. Moxie pushes Billy into the ropes. Billy bounces off and jumps over Moxie, who had just dropped to the floor. Moxie gets up and attempts a tilt awhirl, but Billy reverses with a head scissors takedown. Billy gets up, as Moxie is on one knee.

MT: Nice takedown by Billy. He has the quickness advantage over Moxie, but no doubt Moxie’s technical skills are a force to be reckoned with.

DW: But remember, Billy can hit that “Virgin Sacrifice” out of just about anywhere!

They meet in the ring again, this time nose to nose. Moxie pushes Billy. Billy pushes Moxie. Then, All hell breaks loose.

MT: Look at the fists flying by both men, repeated rights and lefts at the same time!

DW: The ref can’t do anything about it; it’s not a DQ match!

Billy pushes Moxie into the corner, and hits a big chop across the chest that Moxie can feel deep. Various WOOs come from the crowd. Billy hits with a kick to the gut, and then quick DDT. Moxie drops onto his stomach, and Billy is right back on the attack. Billy stands on Moxie’s back and pulls up on Moxie’s arms, wrenching that middle back.

MT: He looks like he’s working on that back, a setup for the “Virgin Sacrifice”!

Billy releases the hold and just shrugs. He looks out into the crowd and picks out a blonde, and winks. Just as she’s about to wink back, Billy drops. Face first into the canvas. Moxie drops Billy with a chop block to the left knee, and the quickly rolls to the top of him and locks in a front chancery. Moxie pulls up and wrenches on the neck of Billy, then throws a few clubbing blows for fun to the back of Billy. He stops, and then pulls Billy up. He looks out to the crowd, and points at the cage.

MT: Moxie’s motioning something to the fans…

Moxie pulls Billy up, and throws Billy face-first into the steel cage! The Sage can be heard yelling for Moxie to continue his onslaught. Moxie pulls Billy up again, this time, ramming him into the turnbuckle a few times, and then hitting his “Quick Fix” DDT.

DW: There will be casualties in this match; it just depends on how many!

Moxie pulls Billy up once again, this time throwing him into the ropes. Moxie goes for a back body drop, but Billy catches him, and slams his face into the mat. Moxie rolls onto his back, and Billy seizes the opportunity. Billy runs the reverse ropes, and lands a beautiful standing shooting star press! The crowd awes, as Billy goes for a quick cover.

1…2… and no.

MT: That was a beautiful Standing Shooting Star, But Moxie kicked out at 2!

The crowd cheers as Billy shakes his head no, and pulls Moxie up. The camera catches “I’m gunna F’in kill you” being mouthed from Billy, with a more serious look on his face. Billy pulls Moxie up onto the top turnbuckle. He hits a few kidney punches on Mox and hits a smooth frankensteiner off the top rope. Moxie is lying across the middle of the ring, and Billy gets up, a little dazed, but much better than the challenger. Billy kicks Moxie’s back, laughing at the Sage, getting a chorus of boos at the same time. He locks in a simple reverse Chin Lock on Moxie, still focusing on that back of Moxie. He releases it after a tall busty brunette catches his eye. He gets off Moxie, and stands in front of the cage.

BU: So what’s your name, good lookin?

Brunette: (Deeply) MY NAME IS CLYDE.

BU: oh sh…. EWWW!

Billy’s ewww is cut off after Moxie hits a forearm to the back of his head. Moxie continues by rubbing Billy’s face on the wire to jeers from the crowd. Moxie gets off Billy and screams, as the crowd roars with delight.

MT: Billy is bleeding, already!

Billy stammers around, and turns right into a blatant eye poke from Moxie, and stumbles around, and lands outside of the cage. Billy is met by the two balding “Virgin Veterans”, who try and keep him up.

DW: Uh-oh! Moxie is climbing to the top!

MT: This doesn’t look good for the Virgins!

Moxie climbs to the top of the cage, and onto the corner platform.

DW: DID YOU SEE THAT, MIKE!!!!

MT: Moxie hit the “Desperate Prayer” 450 Splash off the top of the platform, taking all three virgins out, and himself.

Michael Cole: Trainers, Referees, and EMT’s down!

MT: What the…?

DW: (oblivious) Lets see that again!

Footage is shown again of Moxie hitting the “Desperate Prayer” off the top of the platform on the corner of the cage, from various angles.

We come back, and Moxie is slowly making his way back in the ring, and Billy and his two stooges are slowly still getting up. Billy eventually makes his way into the cage, and climbs into the ring. Billy and Moxie meet in the center and lock up. Billy throws Moxie into the ropes, and Moxie goes for a clothesline, but Billy ducks. Billy grabs Moxie, with a neck breaker attempt, but pulls Moxie back, jumps off the top rope, spins over Moxie and hits a HUGE DDT!

DW: THIS IS WHY THE X DIVISION IS THE BEST! IT’S ABOUT NO LIMITS!!!

MT: We’re not in TNA…

Billy goes for a quick pin, and…

1…2… and No.

MT: A close 2 count for Billy Ubermark!

DW: It seems the people of Orlando LOVE LANCE HOYT!

MT: Seriously. Open your mouth once more and I’ll quit.

Billy pulls Moxie up again, this time, setting him up for a pumphandle slam. However, instead of slamming him on his back, Billy just lifts Moxie and releases one hand, effectively spinning Moxie and dropping him on his face.

MT: Amazing modified pumphandle, by Billy Ubermark.

Billy Pulls Moxie up once more, except this time Moxie stops and kicks Billy in the gut. He throws Billy into the ropes, but instead of Billy bouncing back, Billy hops to the top rope (using the cage for balance), and hits Moxie with a springboard Whisper in the Wind kick! (a la Jeff Hardy)

Billy gloats a little, his quickness a better match for Moxie. Billy pulls Moxie up and throws him into the ropes. Billy ducks a clothesline attempt, and hooks Moxie’s arms. He pulls him back, and lifts him up, hitting a Vertabreaker!

Moxie’s body lays lifeless, and Billy motions to the crowd. They cheer (oddly) and watch as Billy masquerades up to the top of the platform and stands 15 feet in the air over the battered body of Moxie. Billy spins his fingers, and jumps off the top of the platform, hitting a huge “Spiral Tap” Corkscrew 450! He land on the near-beaten Mox and goes for another pin.

DW: DID YOU SEE THAT, MIKE!!!

MT: An amazing Corkscrew 450, done by the champion onto the challenger! Possibly an attempt by Billy as a slap in the face of Moxie, who just did his solo 450…

1…2…. And SOOO close, but no.

Billy’s feelings are starting to get in the way, as he pulls Moxie up again, and it looks like he might be setting him up for a Canadian Destroyer. However, Moxie blocks with a pull up, and hits an Emerald Fusion! Moxie and Billy are both lying down, battered and beaten, as the ref can do nothing but stand there.

Eventually, Moxie gets up, about the same time as Billy. They meet in the ring, and start to throw punches. Moxie gets the upper hand and punches Billy a few times in the gut. He throws Billy into the corner. Mox charges with a full head of steam and gets met with a big boot of Billy. Billy climbs the ropes, and stand on the tope rope. Moxie is stammering around in the middle of the ring, and Billy goes for a double axe handle!

However, he is met with an amazing reversal, in the application of the Crippler Crossface! Moxie wrenches hard on the neck and shoulder of Billy, screaming: “Look at the sky! Look at the sky!” Moxie feels like he had done enough damage, and he releases the move. Moxie pulls up on Billy’s Arm and begins the application of a Cattle Mutilation!

Billy tilts to the side, and ends up keeping Moxie’s arms locked in and holds him in a Tiger Suplex Pin!

1..2.. and no.

Moxie kicks out again, this time, infuriating Billy. Billy pulls Moxie up, and hits a quick clothesline. Billy climbs the ropes again, and moves to the top of the platforms. He looks out turns around. “This one’s for Drew!”

DW: THIS IS AMAZING! DID YOU SEE THAT?!!?!

MT: BILLY UBERMARK WITH AN ASTOUNDING DOUBLE MOONSAULT…. I’ve never thought in my days, could I have EVER seen that!

The crowd is nuts, chanting “Holy S***” Billy is laying down, Moxie is down, and the ref can’t call for the bell. They lay for a good 5 minutes… the crowd cheering and jeering, and screaming at what they just saw…

Billy barely gets up, and pulls Moxie up to his feet. Moxie pulls Billy down with a jawbreaker, making Billy stammer around. Moxie grabs Billy's arm and looks to be going for a short arm clothesline!

Billy ducks, wraps his hands around the throat of Moxie, and jumps in the air…

It has to be over.

MT: Billy Ubermark hits Moxie with the “Virgin Sacrifice”!

Billy Rolls over for the pin on Moxie, and

The 1…2….3…

Billy lays over Moxie, as the two Virgin Veterans come into the ring, and pull Billy off Mox. They pull him up and hand him the Tri-State Title, and they help him hold it high, as through thick and thin, the “Virgin” finally screwed his long-time rival.

[Toom E. Guci]

The Fink: Ladies and Gentleman it is now time for the Aquarium Room Riot! The winner will be the first person to escape the Aquarium . . . Maelstrom & David Davies are already inside so let the match begin. .

*We go backstage to the Aquarium, referee Jack Doan is shown by the door awaiting the winner. Inside we Find David Davies, he is trying to find Maelstrom . . .Water drips from the various piping, while the resident aquatic sea life swim around in there apparently secure tanks oblivious to the mayhem that is about to begin. Suddenly Maelstrom charges Davies sending the two men into a brawl as this match gets underway.! Maelstrom surprise attack gives him the upper hand as he rams Davies head into one of the tanks. Davies eventually counters this assault and kicks Maelstrom in the gut which he follows up with a series of arm drags and a neckbreaker.*

J.R: Actual Wrestling maneuver's in this match! Bawh Gawd it’s unbelievable!

*Davies then starts to stomp on Maelstrom. Maelstrom tries to regain control with a low blow! But Davies uses his Davemite ability and it has no affect! Davies hits a Swinging DDT, before finding a loose pipe on the floor. Davies takes a swing at Maelstrom . . . Maelstrom ducks and hits some rapid body blows on Davies. Maelstrom then clotheslines Davies down and heads toward the exit!*

J.R: This match might be ending early folks . .

Wait . . Davies gets up and finds a chair . . . Maelstrom is only a few feet from the door, but Davies cuts him off with a hard shot to the back! Maelstrom is brought to his knees as two more chair shots crack across his back. Davies moves for a potentially finishing blow to the skull . . . Davies takes to long and Maelstrom grabs Davies throat, a blatant choke by Maelstrom. Anything goes in this match so all of this is perfectly legal as Maelstrom continues to crush Davies windpipe . . . Davies is getting desperate . . . ooh a poke in the eye. . Maelstrom winces in pain . . . as Davies applies a headlock, Davies goes for a solo Bushwhackers battering ram into a wall, but Maelstrom breaks the hold before impact. The two men circle each other; Maelstrom is busted open from the chair shots. Maelstrom charges, but Davies saw it coming and hits a drop-toehold which send Maelstrom head first into some crates of fish food. Davies locks his arms around Maelstrom . . . Tiger Suplex by Davies! . . . he's held on too and theres a release German Suplex on to the hard floor of the Aquarium! Davies heads to the exit.

J.R: Davies's going to do it no normal man could survive those suplex's on the concrete. .

Davies hand is on the door handle, but wait . . Maelstrom has managed to catch Davies with some clubbing blows to the back. Maelstrom follows with a full Nelson slam flinging Davies into an assortment of boxes & clutter! . . Maelstrom stalks Davies but gets too confident and a surprise Head-scissors takedown sends Maelstrom into some other boxes. Davies approaches Maelstrom who is face down on the floor. Davies signals for the Cradle Piledriver he goes to pick up Maelstrom, but Maelstrom is faking his fatigue. He springs up and wraps an unidentifiable object around Davies neck . . . our camera man gets closer revealing the object is in fact. . 'Drew the broken blow-up doll'! . . Davies manages after a while to get some rib shots in releasing him from the 'Barrymore' choke! Grabbing a kendo stick Davies is on the offensive again. He manages to drive Maelstrom back towards the tanks. . Until Maelstrom grabs the stick and breaks it in two! Davies is shocked but manages to dodge a big boot and slams Maelstrom head first into a fish tank. He does it a second time the tank's glass cracking! Maelstrom counters the third attempt and piledrives Davies on to the floor! Maelstrom goes to leave as Davies is down and almost out. . But he changes direction and smashes a firebox with his hand! Maelstrom grabs the Fire Axe from the shattered glass. He grins as he looks at the sharp blade of the axe. Maelstrom heads towards Davies who has managed to slump himself against one of the tanks! Blood is running down Davies face! Maelstrom swings the Fire Axe at Davies head! . .

J.R: Someone stop the damm match! He’s going to kill him! . .

. . At the last minute, either from a last minute reserve of energy or simply from fatigue Davies ducks the swing. The axe smashes the tank! Water flows out along with the sea life within . . . both men struggle against the torrent of water. Davies is somehow standing and goes for a running cross body, but Maelstrom catches him hoists him into the powerbomb position and hits the Whirlpool onto the destroyed remains of the tank. Maelstrom slowly stumbles to the door . . .Davies rises and gets to his knees. . But before he can stop Maelstrom leaving he cries out in pain! . . . a Barracuda which was released from the destroyed tank has sunk its teeth into Davies leg . . . Davies writhes in agony trying to get the crazed fish off . . . Maelstrom reaches the door and is let through! .. . Maelstrom raises his arms in victory before falling to his knees next to a table.

Fink: The winner of the match, Maelstrom!!

[Toom E. Guci]

* Cut back to the ring*

Fink: This next contest is the Triple Threat Match for the #1 Contender. Making his way to the ring first is the former EWT Heavyweight Champion, jzbadblood. His opponent in this match first is Mercenary. And finally, we give you the man called Spaz.

Spaz's theme music hits and he comes out to a decent pop. Spaz looks sort of mad that his ovation wasn't as big as usual. Before he can even get into the ring, the lights dim and Bleed the Freak by Alice in Chains plays, and Jz comes out to his normal cue in the music. The fans give him a good reception as well, and Spaz watches his friend get into the ring. Jz stands in the center of the ring and Spaz stands to the left as No Chance in Hell plays, and then goes into Step Up by Drowning Pool. Merc runs out from the back and to the ring. Stacy and Trish walk out behind him. Merc slides into the ring and tackles Jz into the turnbuckle, blindsiding him and getting a flurry of punches in. Merc picks Jz to his feet and keeps punching him in the turnbuckle. Spaz comes behind Merc and enziguri-type kicks him in the side of the head. Merc falls out of the ring, and Spaz helps Jz up. Jz pushes him away and holds his neck in pain. Spaz shrugs it off and sees Merc outside standing, and he hits a plancha over the top rope.

Now Spaz and Merc are fighting on the outside, with Spaz getting the obvious advantage. He takes Merc by the head and throws him into the side of the railing, and kicks him in the head a few times. Merc punches Spaz in the gut and gets to his feet, grabbing Spaz into a grapple. He tries, but can't get leverage, neither can Spaz. Jz all of the sudden climbs to the top rope and flips at both of them, but Merc jumps out of the way and Spaz is taken out. Jz stands up and gets a huge clothesline from Merc. He then taunts the fans, picks Jz back up, and tosses him under the bottom rope. Jz rolls into the ring, and gets to his feet before Merc makes it in. Now they are both at a vertical level, and Jz whips Merc into the turnbuckle. He runs at him and hits a stinger splash, before belly to belly suplexing him into the center of the ring. Jz now sticks his fingers in Merc's eyes and tries to claw them out. The ref pulls Jz off, and Trish gets on the apron. Jz stands up and turns around to see where the ref is going, and Merc hits a low blow. Jz stands there holding his nuts, and Merc gets to his feet and kicks him in the gut. He hears Spaz, and turns around to get hit by a chair thrown by him from the top rope. Spaz then jumps off and hits Jz with a flying hurricanarama into a pin!

1
2
Jz kicks out and Spaz gets up to his feet. Merc slides out under the bottom rope and grabs Spaz by the legs and trips him. Merc then slides into the ring and stomps Spaz before applying a leg lock. Jz get Spaz out of the held almost as soon as it's put on with a leg drop to Merc's chest. Now Jz picks up Merc and applies a standing side headlock. Spaz sees this and stands up, grabs Merc from behind, and hits a German suplex. Jz refused to let go of the hold and all three of them crash to the mat. Spaz now drags Merc to the center of the ring and picks him up, and sets him onto his shoulders in Death Valley driver position. Merc punches Spaz a few times, but he gets smashed to he mat with a cradle shock!

1
2
Jz dives into the pin and breaks it up. Spaz rolls across the ring and stands up. Jz is kicks Merc, and he comes from behind Jz and hits a German suplex. Spaz keeps it locked on and hits another, rolls again and hits a third, now a forth. Spaz takes Jz up and sends him across the ring with a release German suplex. Spaz turns to look at Merc, and ducks a clothesline, kicks him in the gut, and hits a suplex, keeps hold of it and hits another one, now Spaz has Merc up for another suplex, but Merc wraps his leg around Spaz's and reverses into a brain buster!

1
2
Spaz kicks out and Merc lays on the mat for a second to catch his breath, but out of nowhere Jz comes off the top rope with a splash onto his mid-section!

1
2
Merc kicks out at two, and Spaz is on his feet now. Jz stands up and they both pick Merc up for a double suplex, but he reverses it and Suplexes both of them! Now Merc picks up Spaz and throws him across the ring into the turnbuckle. Jz crawls to his feet and Merc hits a stiff piledriver to the mat, rendering Jz almost unconscious. Now Merc sees Spaz in the turnbuckle and looks to end this with The Payoff. He runs over to Spaz and gores him in the mid-section, holstering him onto his shoulders and placing him on the top rope. Trish and Stacy stand out on the floor and cheer him on. Trish is holding the chair Merc got hit in the head with earlier. Stacy runs to the other side of the ring and jumps onto the apron where the ref is checking on Jz. She tries to get in the ring, but the ref holds her back, while on the other side Merc stands on the second rope and starts to set up the Payoff when Trish climbs onto the apron with the chair and looks at Merc. He smiles at her, and she smiles back only to smash the chair over his head. Merc falls from the turnbuckle onto his back, and Trish jumps off the apron, so does Stacy. Spaz looks in shock, and jumps onto Merc's chest with a double stomp. Jz stands up just in time to see Spaz bounce off of Merc and stand right in front of him. He looks at Spaz and gets kicked in the gut and picked up for the Platinum Shockwave!!!! Spaz covers him.

1
2
3!!!!

Announcer: Here is your winner...and the #1 contender for the EWT Heavyweight Championship! Spaz!!!

Spaz's hand is held in victory and the fans go nuts for the win! He gets out of the ring and walks up the apron with his hands in the air, and every fan is literally out of their seats for him. Jz grabs the bottom rope and looks through it at Spaz, who smiles. Jz helps himself to his feet and barely is able to stand, resting in the turnbuckle. Stacy and Trish get into the ring, Trish still carrying the steel chair. She kneels down to Merc and kisses him. His eyes open, Trish and Stacy help him to his feet. Now Trish kneels down and places the chair in between Merc's legs, and Stacy grabs the other side, bringing it up into his crotch. Merc yells in pain and Jz looks stunned in the turnbuckle. Now Merc leans against the ropes holding his genitals, and Jz comes out of the corner. He gets sick smile on his face. Trish hands him the chair and he plants Merc in the head, sending him collapsing into the turnbuckle. Trish and Stacy hold him up, and Jz throws the chair to the ground. They let Merc go and Jz grabs him, kicks him in the nuts again, and delivers a piledriver onto the steel chair!! Jz stands to his feet, sends a glance to the two women, and slides out of the ring. Stacy and Trish look at the fallen Merc, and they stomp the hell out of him. Jz doesn't look back, but smiles all the way to the back.

[Toom E. Guci]

Howard Finkel: This is our main event & is scheduled for ONE FALL...is an OLD SCHOOL RULES MATCH, and it is for the EWT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!

*"You Got the Look" by Prince plays, and the audience explodes with excitement for Adam Bomb. Adam is determined, but still manages to cheerfully slap hands with his adoring fans. Bomb gets in the ring and poses for his adoring fans.

HF: Introducing first, hailing from HERSHEY, PENNSYLVANIA, weighing in at 267 pounds, he is the WHOLE F'N FED, ADAM BOMB!

*Crowd erupts again.

HF: His opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Sexy Translator, weighs in at 230 pounds, and is the EWT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, DSR!

*Kane Hodder's "Aboard the Leper Colony" plays, and DSR is showered with boos by the audience as he storms out to the ring, not in the mood to be smug or mock the crowd. DSR slides into the ring and poses at the corners with his World Heavyweight Title belt. After the posing, the ref tries to take DSR's belt, but DSR holds it away from him.

DSR: This is mine, a**hole! Shove off!

*DSR hands the belt to Sexy Translator, who holds up the belt for the audience like the ref was going to do. Sexy Translator then leaves the ring with the belt, the bell rings, and the match begins. DSR and A-Bomb start out with a lock up. A-Bomb powers DSR to the mat, and stands there looking cocky. The fans cheer A-Bomb, as DSR gets up. The two lock up again, and again A-Bomb throws DSR to the mat. DSR angrily gets up off the mat and locks up a third time. This time, DSR breaks the lock up and chops A-Bomb in the chest repeatedly. A-Bomb grabs DSR and whips him into the corner. A-Bomb then chops DSR in the chest. DSR grabs his chest and screams in pain as he rolls to the outside. Sexy Translator rubs DSR's chest while the ref counts. A-Bomb goes outside and chases DSR, and the ref starts over again with the count. DSR runs halfway around the ring and slides in. A-Bomb slides in after DSR, but DSR stomps the former champ while he's down on the mat. DSR stomps A-Bomb repeatedly, before picking him up and running his head into the top turnbuckle. DSR sets A-Bomb in the corner and chops him a few more times. DSR then whips A-Bomb into the opposite corner. DSR comes charging in after A-Bomb, only for the Whole F'n Fed to turn him inside out with a huge clothesline. Again, DSR rolls outside of the ring. A-Bomb goes out to the apron. As DSR gets to his feet, A-Bomb soars with an Asai moonsault! Both men are laid out on the floor. A-Bomb gets up by the count of 3 and poses for his fans. DSR gets up by the count of 6 and dropkicks A-Bomb into the ring post. DSR then rolls into the ring. He gets up and lets out a big "OLE!" as the fans boo him mercilessly. DSR runs the ropes and flies with a TOPAY! He lands on his feet, looking out over a crowd that views him less than favorably. DSR grabs A-Bomb and tosses him back into the ring. DSR slides in after him and waits in the corner to charge out with a Clothesline from TRL. A-Bomb is unsteady, but gets up. DSR comes charging in. A-Bomb grabs DSR and delivers the Bomb Drop! A-Bomb gets up and shakes the cobwebs out. He picks up DSR and sets him in the corner. A-Bomb drives his shoulder into DSR's midsection a few times, and then whips DSR into the opposite corner. A-Bomb charges in, DSR drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring. DSR and Sexy Translator conference on the outside, but A-Bomb is sneaking up on DSR. A-Bomb slams DSR's head into the ring apron before rolling him into the ring. A-Bomb follows DSR in and grabs him. A-Bomb delivers a fierce powerbomb, and DSR is laid out. A-Bomb climbs to the top turnbuckle, as the crowd gets to its feet. Everyone is in anticipation of A-Bomb’s stellar aerial expertise. But DSR gets up and hits the ropes, causing A-Bomb to crotch himself on the top rope. DSR climbs up the turnbuckle after A-Bomb. DSR grabs A-Bomb and lets out another "OLE!" much to the chagrin of the audience, who again boos the hell out of DSR. DSR almost gets A-Bomb up, but A-Bomb punches DSR in the midsection a few times. DSR drops to the middle rope. A-Bomb bashes DSR's skull into the top turnbuckle before hitting a SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB out of the corner! A-Bomb climbs the turnbuckles yet again, flying with his patented Twisting 450 5 STAR FROG SPLASH, but DSR narrowly rolls out of the way! Both men are laid out on the mat. The ref begins the count for a knockout.

Suddenly, Toomi Bischoff comes out from the back, anxious to spur A-Bomb on. Toomi gets an "ADAM BOMB" chant going throughout the crowd. DSR rolls over onto A-Bomb, but A-Bomb kicks out at 2. Toomi slaps his hands to the mat, as the crowd claps along, trying desperately to get A-bomb to his feet. DSR gets up to his feet first. He stumbles to the corner and begins stomping the mat, ready to lay A-Bomb down once and for all with an EmoKick. The fans' chants rally A-Bomb to get up, DSR comes in, but A-Bomb grabs DSR's foot. DSR goes for an enziguri, but eats the mat when A-Bomb ducks. DSR gets up, only for A-Bomb to hit a huge Release German Suplex! A-Bomb goes to the corner, determined to land a Super kick of his own. DSR stands up and turns around, sees A-Bomb coming and ducks. A-Bomb lands a SUPERKICK right in the ref's face! DSR turns A-Bomb around, grabs him and nails an EXPLODER SUPLEX! Both men are laid out, and Toomi incites the crowd to further get behind Adam Bomb. A-Bomb gets to his feet and grabs DSR, nailing a BETA DRIVER! A-Bomb covers DSR, but the ref's still laid out. Sexy Translator climbs up onto the ring apron, but Toomi Bischoff prevents her from causing any damage. A-Bomb climbs the turnbuckles, hell-bent on putting the finishing touches on the match. Just then, Toomi climbs the apron and shoves A-bomb off the corner! A-Bomb gets up and begins yelling at Toomi, Toomi points back into the ring. A-Bomb turns around just in time to eat a huge Clothesline from TRL! DSR then covers A-Bomb, hooking the leg, just in time for a dazed referee to count the 3!

HF: The winner of the match, and STILL World Heavyweight Champion, DSR!

*Toomi Bischoff grabs a chair as A-Bomb gets to his feet. Bischoff nails A-Bomb with the chair twice & drops it, raising DSR’s hand in victory. DSR rubs the World Title belt in the face of the Whole F'n Fed. The crowd is on the verge of riot, jeering DSR, giving him the finger, spitting out profanities like crazy. DSR climbs the turnbuckles and basks in the hatred of the crowd. DSR then slides out of the ring, with his title belt on one arm, and Sexy Translator on the other.

JR: Folks, DSR has beaten Adam Bomb, but I gotta wonder what the hell Toomi Bischoff's doing, bah gawd!

*DSR poses with his belt and his girl at the top of the entryway, as the crowd showers the duo with unbridled anger.

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ALL RIGHT RESERVED