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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 20, 2006 17:38:40 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously is standing in the ring, looking very somber. In the center of the ring is the settings for the Queen of the Ring Finalists. Toom E gets on the microphone.* I am sure by now that you are all aware of what has happened the other night to some of EWT's finest. And you also hopefully learn why drinking & driving is the stupidest thing to do. Please folks, if you're going to drink...don't drive. Now, some more unfortunate news. With the injuries sustained to Chrysta, I have no other choice but to strip her of the EWT Girl Next Door Championship. This pains me, as she has been a damn fine superstar in the Girl Next Door Division. As you all know, our girls aren't here to be Divas. Our girls are here to prove a point. And that point is...women have as much right in this business as the men. And women can carry some damn good matches. Look at the winner of Best Match in the last Scammy Awards. So now, we are forced to move forth. And in this ring, we will show you the future of the Girl Next Door Division as we crown the first ever Queen of the Ring. It started with 16 women & has now come down to 2 women: Rosa
D'Zee And this 2 women will meet in this ring later this week. But now, there is more at stake then just the Queen of the Ring Crown. For I have decided to go 1 step further with the girls. You see, the finals of the Queen of the Ring is no longer about the crown. It is now about this as well. *Toom E pulls a blanket off a table in the center of the ring next to the Queen's Throne. On the table sits the Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation Girl Next Door Championship. And the belt is wrapped around the Queen's Crown.* But, you see...this is now up for grabs in a very special match designed by yours truly here in EWT. And we haven't seen it in a long time. This crown as well as the championship will be stuck inside a pinata. That pinata will be hanging above the ring on 2 ropes in an "X" formation. And the only way to win is to break the pinata open above the ring & retrieve the championship. That's right fans, it's the return of the: Ultimate X Pinata Match And whether it be Rosa or D'Zee, one of these ladies will be crowned the next EWT Girl Next Door Champion as well as the EWT Queen of the Ring.
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Queen Rosa
Mike the Goon
All hail the queen!
Posts: 30
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Post by Queen Rosa on May 20, 2006 18:26:22 GMT -5
*We see Rosa backstage when Mean Gene walks up to her*
MG: Rosa, we've just heard the announcement concerning the GND Championship and the Queen of the Ring. What are your thoughts about this recent turn of events?
Rosa: First off, I'd like to send my condolences to Tanya, Chrysta, Ms. White, and the Ragnal family. They're all fine competitors, and even though we had our differences in the past, it's a shame to see Chrysta lose her title the way she did. I wish them all a speedy recovery and I hope to see them back in EWT sometime in the near future.
Now as far as the announcement goes, the stakes have definitely been raised for this match between D'Zee and myself. Ever since walking into EWT about a year and a half ago, my goal was to be the GND Champion. I've come close a few times before, but could never get the win. That all changes now. D'Zee, I know fully well what you're capable of, so if you think this match is going to be a cakewalk for you, guess again honey. Get ready to be in for the fight of your life. You may be tough, but I have the experience. And when the final bell has rung, not only will I be the first-ever EWT Queen of the Ring, but I will also accomplish my goal of being GND Champion. So D'Zee, you and everybody else get ready, because MY TIME...IS...COMING.
MG: A very confident Rosa heading to the finals of the Queen of the Ring. Now let's get back to the action.
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Post by HMARK Center on May 20, 2006 22:10:03 GMT -5
<HMark and Moxie are backstage once more for super-duper-promo time>
HMark: Setbacks come, and they go. One of the simple facts of life is that things aren't exactly going to work out the way you want them too one hundred percent of the time.
It's in those times that they don't, however, that the best competitors can truly show what they're made of. A wise man once said, and I paraphrase, that it's not about how often you fall, but what you do once you get back up again.
To rise again, to make the best of a bad situation, to set the ship back on course...that's exactly what this man <points to Moxie> accomplished for the Prophecy Reborn.
Moxie: <cracks knuckles> Limey, old pal, you're damn right when you say that we're two evenly matched rivals. You're also damn right about the mutual respect that's grown despite our rivalry.
But, like HMark said...best of a bad situation. Generation Tech got past the Prophecy Reborn to get a shot at the Tag Team Titles, so the PR got a measure of payback on GenTech. And, the way I see it, I pinned one half of the #1 Contender's to one of the most prestigious set of belts in the business...Limey, Gas, don't get me wrong: the Prophecy Reborn wishes you all the luck in the world against those smug pricks, the HBMS.
But once you've beaten those would-be metro's down to a couple of well-dressed stains on the mat, remember the PR; if...nah, I'll go ahead and say WHEN you guys win, I think I've earned us a shot.
HMark: Best of luck, gentlemen. <grins, with a tiny hint of malice>
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on May 20, 2006 22:26:44 GMT -5
*We cut to ringside as HBH and Cherry are standing in the ring*
HBH: First off, I would like to send my well wishes to those who were in an unfortunate accident recently. I may be an arrogant prick at times and I may not get along with a lot of people here, but even I have the decency to not wish ill fate on anybody. So to all those involved in the accident, get well soon.
And now on to other matters, it appears now that I don't have a challenger lined up for this Tri-State title. So if there's anybody in the back that thinks that they can go toe-to-toe with The Showstoppa, The Icon, The Main Event, then step up and take the challenge.
*HBH and Cherry then head to the back as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on May 21, 2006 4:17:49 GMT -5
*Spaz is standing by backstage with Sum Guy.*
SG: I'm Sum Guy & I like drinking Cod Liver Oil. I am here with our World Champion, Spaz. What do you have to say about the matchboard this week?
S: First of all Guy I just wanna say that all my prayers are with The Ragnals, Tanya, Chrysta & Ms. White. Everyone in the locker room are pulling for them all to recover quickly & when they get back if I still have this belt Mike & Joe get a shot straight away. But onto the matchboard. I beat all of The PTA in the Elimination Chamber to win this belt & now I am going through them one by one. Principal Pain will feel The Shockwave like everyone else has before him.
SG: Are you worried about interference from the rest of the PTA?
S: Not really Guy. If they do Pain will just get disqualified like Virus did last week. Besides if it gets out of hand I have friends that have my back Gen. Tech for life!
SG: Spaz is confident ahead of another title defense. I'm Sum Guy & I like Brussel Sprouts!
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Post by craigkendo on May 21, 2006 9:12:01 GMT -5
Watch out, watch out, watch out...
*Team 3D make their way out to the ring, carrying a table in hand as the tables match-up is about to start.*
Chimel: The following contest is a tag team TABLES match!! Introducing first, from NEW YORK CITY...at a combined weight of 516 pounds...Brother Ray, Brother Devon, TEAM 3D!!!
*Team 3D get into the ring, and set up the table, then face the entranceway, awaiting the arrival of The Connection.*
...
*The Connection don't appear to be showing up. The referee begins a countdown, starting from 10.*
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3...
*"Ich Will" hits, and the crowd give out a moderate pop. Tony Chang makes his way out to the entrance ramp, clad in his usual wrestling gear, plus a T-shirt that reads "I'M HARDCORE!". He pauses at the top of the entrance ramp...and Craig Kendo makes his appearance from the back, joining Chang! Kendo looks extremely annoyed, but he makes his way down to the ring as Chang rushes around the arena, slapping the hands of many a fan.*
Chimel: Aaaand their opponents, from Newark, New Jersey and Seoul, Korea respectively, they weigh in at a combined weight of 589 pounds...Craig Kendo and Tony "The Viper" Chang...THE CONNECTION!!!
*The Connection get into the ring, and Chang climbs the turnbuckle to appeal to the fans as Kendo silently oberves Team 3D. The bell rings, and the match is underway.*
*Chang immediately rushes onto the table, and jumps onto Brother Ray with a hurricanrana attempt...Ray keeps his footing, and tries to powerbomb Chang through the set-up table...Kendo moves the table out of the way, meaning Chang hits the mat instead! Kendo then capitalises with a big boot to Ray...Devon then hits a spinning shoulder block to Kendo, knocking Kendo down! Being the only man still standing, Devon does his "testify" taunt, before leaving the ring. Devon then searches underneath the ring for a table, unaware that Kendo is getting to his feet. Brother Ray is also rising, and the two begin to duke it out with punches. Ray gets the upper hand, and knocks Kendo back with his Bionic punches, before finishing with a Bionic elbow...Kendo catches the elbow, and counters with a headbutt to Ray, doubling Ray up...Kendo then capitalises by running the ropes perpendicular to where Ray is facing, coming back with a mafia kick to Ray's head!*
*Meanwhilst, Devon has managed to find a table, and he places it flat underneath the ropes, pushing it in...Chang, on his hands and knees, pushes the table back to Devon, knocking him in the jaw! Devon stumbles back as Chang lifts himself up, and springs over the ropes in a corkscrew plancha!! Chang gets to his knees and screams out "I'M HARDCORE!" to a good crowd reaction as Kendo exits the ring to see to Devon. Kendo directs Chang to the table, and Chang accepts, setting the table up on the outside of the ring. Kendo then lifts Devon up by the head, and takes him to the table...Devon resists, and pushes Kendo towards Chang...who leapfrogs Kendo, and springs off Kendo's back to hit a missile dropkick to Devon!!! Kendo groggily turns...unaware that Ray is on the apron! Ray jumps off the apron with an ax handle smash...Kendo counters with a kick to the gut, doubling Ray up! Kendo then drops to his knees, and catches Ray in the position for the ENLIGHTENMENT...Kendo then drops back and hits the ENLIGHTENMENT THROUGH THE TABLE to give The Connection the win!!*
Winners: The Connection.
*The crowd give a good pop for the Connection as Kendo slides into the ring, and takes the mic from Chimel.*
Kendo: I believe I owe something of an explanation as to my failure to respond to those accursed "Boogie Knights" and give them notice that their actions...were NOT appreciated. You see...never before have we been so...HUMILIATED...by the actions of ANYONE!!! I thought I was ashamed when Mr. Chang failed to win in a FUNHOUSE against Joseph Ragnal...whom I now admire and wish well....I thought I was ashamed when I missed my opportunity to compete in the battle royal for the prized championship...I thought I was ashamed when we were decimated upon the introduction of the so-called "Elite", but I was FAR from correct! My colleague, Mr. Chang, may not have been as ashamed as I, but I could not even bear to look into the mirror at myself...but as our bout was introduced...I realised that I must find redemption...and those "Boogie Knights" must surely pay for their actions.
*Kendo observes the broken table on the outside, and develops a smile*
Kendo: You have been warned, "Boogie Knights"...we WILL find our redemption.
*Kendo drops the microphone, and he and Tony Chang make their way to the back as Devon sees to the downed Ray.*
*Fade out.*
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Post by vivian on May 21, 2006 10:19:52 GMT -5
It's All About the Pentiums Baby!
The Nyrds come bouncing out to a huge pop as they are accompanied by Keiko. The three all hip hop and bip bop their way down the rampway, vaulting into the ring and awaiting their opponents.
Announcer: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, accompanied by Keiko Yamakoto, at a combined weight of 347 pounds... Mike and Joel... the Nyrds!!!
The Nyrds get pumped as they await there opponents... and sure enough, the ultra happy upbeat version of " If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Yours Hands, " starts pumping through the Toomitron... and Dr. Vivian Anemone skips out . She makes her way into the ring with a less than normal looking smile on her face as she climbs on in. As she enters the ring, she grabs a microphone.
Vivian: Helloooooo NYRDS!!!
Joel and Mike look at each other a bit confused, then back at Vivian
Mike: Ummmm... hey
Joel: Who are you again?
The docotor giggles into the microphone.
Vivian: Why I'm... the world's most well renowned expert on happiology, Dr. Vivian Anemone!!! And well... I decided that before we fight, the boys and I would like to be friends with you... so we brought some great gifts for you guys!
The Nyrds still look confused.
Vivian: Ok boys... come on out!
The same music starts up again as Sal and Hal skip on out to the rampway, each one carrying a few wrapped gifts. The crowd isn't very happy as Sal and Hal hop up onto the apron, climbing inside the ring. The Nyrds still have no idea what the hell is going on.
Vivian: Ok boys... ROLL CALL!!!
Sal: Smiley Sal!!!
Sal does the twist... following up into a swim.
Hal: Happy Hal!!!
Hal does the robot, followed by a totally unnecessary booty shake in Joel's face.
Both: And we are... the Sunshine Squad!!!
The two men jump up into the air and give each other a high five. The Nyrds and Keiko aren't impressed or comfortable right now it seems.
Vivian: Alright boys... now, hand over the gifts!
Sal gives Joel one box while Hal gives Mike the other. The two Nyrds shrug, opening up the box... examining the contents... then looking up in anger. Inside are some... rather horrible video games
Joel: Pit Fighter?!
Mike: Mario is Missing?!
Both: CAPTAIN NOVOLIN?!
The two Nyrds throw down the boxes... and proceed to stomp over the contents, getting a huge pop.
Mike: Dude... you guys have no taste in games.
Joel: Yeah!
Sal and Hal look at Vivian.
Vivian: Oh... well here's a gift I know you'll enjoy!
With that, Sal and Hal take a swing and clock both Nyrds,taking them down the mat, starting to stomp them both, keeping in rhythm with each other as they do. Vivian rolls out of the ring, as Keiko follows suit. Sal and Hal continue to assault the poor Nyrds, both men hoisting up Joel and tossing him over the ropes, to the outside. Mike struggles to his feet, only to immediately get pummeled by alternating punches from Sal and Hal, ending up with a double wind up and a powerful haymaker, sending Mike for a loop, over the ropes and into Joel's arms, knocking him to the ground as well. The crowd boos as Sal and Hal celebrate early, giving each other a quick hug, before Hal whips Sal off the ropes, launching him with a back body drop which Sal turns into a crossbody in Mid Air, landing on both Nyrds!
Mike and Joel groan in pain as Sal quickly gets off them, grabbing Mike and rolling him into the ring. He quickly slides in after, as Hal heads onto the outside apron after being persuaded by the referee. Keiko helps Joel up to his feet, who also gets up onto the opposite apron. Meanwhile, Sal continues to pummel a dazed Mike with stiff shots, dazing him further. Eventually, he grabs him into his corner, tagging in Hal. Sal then grabs him with an arm wrench on one arm, while Hal wrenches the other. They ground Mike to the mat, continuing to apply pressure to both arms of the Nyrd, before lifting him back up to his feet and nailing a double jumping armbreaker! Mike cringes as Sal rolls out of the ring. Hal drops to the mat, locking on an armbar and doing further damage to the right one, applying further pressure as Mike remains grounded on the mat. Eventually, he loosens the hold, with another quick tag out to Sal.
Sal climbs into the ring, grabbing Mike's right arm again and nailing another non-jumping arm breaker, doing even further damage to it. Mike groans, clutching the sore area, but Sal keeps with assault, grabbing the arm again and lifting it up, then following with a leg drop across it! Mike groans, quickly attempting to roll over and tag in Joel, but Sal thinks otherwise, tagging back in Hal who enters once again. He lifts Mike up to his feet again, grabbing the right arm again and while still keeping hold, climbing the turnbuckle, then leaping off with with an elbow to it. Mike groans, stumbling back and clutching the arm still. Hal grabs that same arm and whips him back into the turnbuckle, backing up and charging forward, trying to squish him!
But Mike quickly rolls out of the way... running full speed and tagging Joel in. Hal meanwhile stumbles dazed after crashing into the turnbuckle, turning into a dropkick from Joel. He stumbles back against the ropes as Joel quickly charges forward, clotheslining him right over the top... with a bit of effort. Hal lands on his feet, turning around as Joel uses the ropes, slingshotting himself with a dropkick to the face! He then proceeds to skin the cat and return to the ring.... getting a nice pop. But the Nyrds aren't done yet as Mike runs in... Joel dropping down on all fours as Mike leaps off of his back, into a somersault plancha, taking Hal down to the floor! Sal quickly climbs into the ring, charging forward, but Joel drops him with a drop toe hold! Mike sees this, climbing off of Hal and slingshotting over the ropes, with a leg drop right across Hal's neck! Hal acks, grasping it in pain and rolling around on the mat. Joel releases the hold as the two Nyrds high five now... looking impressive.
Hal slowly manages to get back to his feet... getting back into the ring, only to get a kick to the gut... as Joel brings him down across the knee for a quick gut buster. Hal groans as Mike follows up with a quick backbreaker... across the knee as well, dropping him to the mat. Mike heads out as Joel leaps up, hitting a double knee drop across the back of Hal, who groans in pain. Joel gets back to his feet, waiting for Hal to get back to his feet. As soon as he does, he snaps off a quick Hurracanrana, sending Hal tumbling! Joel walks back over and tags out as Mike heads in. Hal gets to his feet as Mike follows up, nailing kick after kick to the legs of Hal, sending him stumbling back. As he's against the ropes, Joel backs up... charging forward and going for something big, but we never find out what as Hal catches him in midair in a spinebuster position! Hal runs in, bouncing off the ropes and SLAMMING a knee into Mike's back as Hal follows up with the spinebuster! The first cover of the match. 1....2...
Mike manages to barely kick out. Hal walks over, tagging Sal back in. They walk back over, then proceed to drop a series of alternating elbows across the body of Mike, doing further damage. Sal lifts Mike back to his feet, now battering him with overhand palm slaps to the chest... softening him up further. He batters him back into the corner, as once again, Sal tags out... both men now assaulting Joel in the corner with more palm slaps. Mike groans, sitting down in the corner, now falling victim to a double face wash! Both Sal and Hal back up... charging forward and nailing a nasty double boot to Mike's face Sal is out again as Hal then grabs the still sore arm of Mike for a hip toss, but Mikeblocks it with a leg, countering with one of his own! Hal hits the mat hard, getting to his feet and charging back, only to get launched with an arm drag. He hits the mat, stupidly trying again... another arm drag. This time Hal knows better and tags out... Sal charging in and going for a knee, but Joel leaps over him, Sal bouncing off the ropes as Mike ducks under... Sal once again off the ropes... Mike finishes things up, snapping off another hurracanrana. Sal groans... getting back up again, stumbling forward as Joel grabs him and goes for the Bravestarr Clash!!! It connects... as Joel goes for a cover... 1....2...
Hal runs in to make the save. Joel looks up, as Hal swings. But Joel ducks underneath. He grabs Hal and takes him down with a quick swinging neckbreaker! Mike runs in, as Sal gets up... charging forward and planting him with a running DDT. Hal groans, struggling to his feet as BOTH NYRDS struggle to lift him up... successfully for the fall forward powerbomb. The referee checks on Sal on the outside as Keiko springboards off the ropes, hitting the overcastle, completing Revenge of the Nyrds II!!! Joel goes for the cover. 1.....2...
Vivian blatently pulls the referee out of the ring! The crowd boos as Vivian looks all innocent, while the referee chews her out. The Nyrds meanwhile look all confused until Sal slides back in, grabbing Mike and planting him with a nasty Full Nelson Slam. He groans rolling out of the ring as Joel look up, getting a stiff kick to the face. He rolls off of Hal, who gets helped up. The two whip him full speed into the ropes, watching him run back forward. Hal grabs him with a Fall Away Slam, launching him into Sal's arms... who plants him with a Powerslam. The crowd boos as Sal and Hal both make their way up the nearest turnbuckles. Joel looks up, first getting a Leg Drop from Sal across the throat! He groans... only to get a follow up MOONSAULT from Hal!!! The two men quickly get back up, lifting Joel and wrenching the life out of him with the Double Bear Hug AKA The Group Hug... Joel fading fast... and eventually passing out. The referee, back in the ring calls for the bell.
Announcer: Here are your winners... the Sunshine Squad!!!
Sal and Hal celebrate, giving each other another quick hug, and exiting the ring, as they and Dr. Vivian happily skip up the rampway, to some heavy heat. Mike and Keiko slide in to check on an unconscious Joel
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 21, 2006 15:34:42 GMT -5
*You Gene comes airplane running down to the ring & jumps in the ring. He looks at the Nyrds & looks back up the ramp where the Sunshine Squad just vanished towards. He picks up Mario Is Missing.*
Oh boy, my fahvorite game. Can I have this?
*The Nyrds just give him a look.*
*You Gene then looks at the Nyrds.*
I got a present for you, too.
*You Gene takes out of his trunks homemade Sunshine Squad t-shirts.*
They're my fahvorite tag team. Weee!!!!!!
*You Gene climbs out of the ring & airplane runs up the ramp.*
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on May 22, 2006 4:38:13 GMT -5
(The arena goes dark, and the Toomi-tron springs into action) The screen remains dark, as some heavy rock music music plays lightly in the background ... from the depths of the darkness rise up wordsThe Tide Will Turn! As the final word fades out the heavy music's volume spikes upward and the shadow of something quite large racing to the surface of the ocean can be seen!
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on May 22, 2006 11:25:49 GMT -5
(We come back from commercial and in the ring are Ric Flair and Greg Valentine in the first ever Figure Four match. They both take off their sparkly robes and they begin to loosen up for the epic event. The bell rings and Flair stumbles out of the corner and Flair Flops in the center of the ring. Not to be outdone Valentine bugs his eyes out and slowly teeters like a falling tree, then lands face first on the mat with a resounding thud. The ref counts to 10 and the match is determined a double TKO. Suddenly the screen turns to snow and blares static. The picture comes back up to find our two heroes sitting in their usual seats for this week's roasting. On with the show.....)
Billy: "Hello there my bug eyed couch potatoes. Welcome to another edition of the Handsome Boy You Know What! I am your most charming and eloquent host Billy Ubermark. With me as always is my cohost and cohort in crime, Ultimo Chocula."
UC: (holds up two fingers to the camera) "Your mother."
Billy: "And one to grow on. (Billy gives the two finger salute as well) Now then, ever since we began this show we've been flooded with questions from some of the biggest names in show business. For example, Bill O'Reilly called last week wondering how we form our annalysis on the subject of our shows. You can only imagine his surprise when we revealed our big secret."
UC: "We call 'em facts. He had no idea what we were talking about."
Billy: "Then there's the e-mail we got from one Lindsey Lohan."
UC: "We have the same birthday!"
Billy: "Indeed you do. She wanted to know how to get on the show, seeing as how she would like to do her own segment on that goodie two shoes Hillary Duff. We said it could be worked out, that is if she agreed to go out with me to the One Shot Hotel, where they rent the room by the hour if you know what I mean."
(Billy wiggles his eyebrows and makes the "squeaky bed" noise.)
UC: "Unfortunatley, we haven't heard back from her yet."
Billy: "Then there's George Clooney. George, we'd love to have you on our show. Really! But you see, we have a small beef with you..."
UC: "Tell me there's a second part to "Good Night, Good Luck"! There's no way that was the end! It ended on such a random note! "Look out! McCarthy's a bad mutha! Yay! Edward R. Murrow to the rescue! He's got some brass! Oh no! The network's giving him static! Aaaaaaaaaand roll credits!" What the *BEEP!* was that?"
Billy: "Very sloppy work, George. If you want to know how to get a point across then grab a pen and a notebook and write like hell! Cuz this is how it's done! So without further ado, we give you the subject of this week's grilling.....................Curly Long & Mr. Big! Also known as Midget King & Company but nobody ever calls 'em that. Ultimo, what do you know about their past that might shed some light on why they're so damn disfunctional?"
UC: "Weeeeeellllllllllllllll......................"
(UC turns in his chair and grabs the clicker to his slide machine. The first slide shows a small town buried under an avalanche of snow.)
UC: "Our story begins in a small burg in Wisconsin called Spread Eagle, a mis leading name if I ever heard one. Not a lot going on there. At all. Ever. They don't even have air hockey. Anyway, one day the population grew from 17 to 17 and a half with the arrival of none other than Curly Fries."
(*click* the next slide shows the infamous photo of the baby with a bowl of spaghetti on his head.)
UC: "Here we see Curly a week after he was born, already 31 years old and beginning to sport stubble. As you can imagine, the family wasn't quite sure what to do with the little squirt. His father, an unemployed man hole inspector and full time wet brain, suggested that they could tour the South and attract the freak show crowd for two bits a gander. Mom, on the other hand, had a better idea. She packed her stuff, divorced the bum, scooped up her oddity, and took off to Hollywood where Curly Fries got his big break in....."
(*click* the next slide shows a cast of ugly children wearing ill fitting clothes from the 20's)
UC: "The umpteen millionth incarnation of the Li'l Rascals! Curly Fries was cast as Runt, the spit fire with the squinty eyeballs. His schtick was that he would always find himself trapped in a pickle barrel in practically every episode. Hilarious. But as fate would have it the show was cancelled after five episodes when the latest incarnation of Alfalfa was found in a dumpster behind Stucky's shooting heroin directly into his eyeballs. Washed up, penniless, and a mom running up tabs all over the city, Curly Fries needed to make some dough and fast! As luck would have it, he would have a chance meeting with his future partner. You all may know him as Mr. Binge. But take a good luck at him sometime. Does he look familiar to you? He should. You knew him 25 years ago as...................."
(*click* the next slide shows a promo of the cast of What's Happening?"
UC: "That's right! Roger Thomas! Every week America would tune in and watch as Roj, Duane, Rerun, and Shirley Hemphill (she woulda been big in the GND, by the way) would get into all sorts of hilarious hijinks and teach the world how to love, laugh, and why it's a bad idea to bootleg Doobie Brother concerts."
Billy: "I'll tell you why. Because it's a crime against humanity to broadcast that falsetto werewolf Michael McDonald yowling his crappy music where people might here it."
UC: "Agreed. Unfortunatley, all good things must come to an end and What's Happening? was canceled. Binge found himself without a job and wondering what was going to happen next. That's when he met his new friend."
Billy: "Curly Long?"
UC: "Nope!"
(*click* the next slide shows a syringe.)
UC: "Steroids! Binge transformed his scrawny noodle arms into masses of horse muscle! Now completey unrecognizable to the American public Binge was free to make a name for himself in the sport that was sweeping the nation!"
Billy: "Wrestling?"
UC: "Close!"
(*click* the next slide shows a fat redneck slob throwing a midget wearing a football helmet into a stack of pillows.)
UC: "Dwarf tossing! Whee! Isn't this exciting? Hurling wee ones for distance! After Binge accidentally threw his normal partner into a brick wall, he met Curly Fries and the two instantly clicked. They won tossing events all over the nation as the most dominant chucker and projectile team the scene has ever.......seen. I said that word twice with two different meanings. Eerie. Now then, after dominating the dwarf tossing events world wide our two protagonists decided to try their luck with the big time, the EWT!"
(*click* the next slide shows Curly and Big as they are today.)
UC: "Lying on their applications, they managed to sneak into the tag team ranks where they've flopped like carp in all of their matches while simultaniously boring the crowds with that infernal talk show of theirs. And on and on it goes like that while Curly Fries has the audacity to call himself the Midget King."
(UC swirls around and faces the camera.)
UC: "Look here, short stack! There's only one king in this fed, and you're looking at him! The King Choculon That's a fact! I've got T-shirts that say so! So don't go waddling around here and call yourself the king when you're nothing more than a *BEEP!*ing usurper! You ain't got nothin' on me, half pint! You wanna piece a dis? I'll take that stupid little head of yours and I'll........"
Billy: "Ultimo!"
UC: (stopping suddenly and looks over at Billy) "Yeah?"
Billy: "You about done?"
UC: "Pretty much."
Billy: "Good. Now we can take a look at the ring action.... that is, what passes for it. Normally, I can find a way to define they style of wrestling a team uses in the ring so that you, the audience at home, can better understand what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, there is no real term to define these guys' style, so I'll just call it what it is..... CRAP! Ultimo, roll that bean footage!"
UC: "Uh... don't you mean 'Roll that BEAUTIFUL bean footage?'"
Billy: "Believe me, pal. There's nothing 'beautiful' about what we're going to see. Click play on the projector so we can show the folks at home why.
(We get a shot of Chocula hitting play on the remote controll. The film starts playing, and we're treated to some footage of a pair of clowns at a circus. One of them is dressed up like he's fat and is wearing polka-dot pants, make-up, a rubber nose, and big shoes. The other clown is significantly shorter, and is wearing a blue wig, make-up, a rubber nose, stripped pants, and mis-matched shoes. The clowns burst onto the circus stage, bumbling and tripping over one another as they do so.)
Billy: "First of all, what we're seeing here is the entrance of Curly and Mr. Big. Aren't they impressive as they make their way into the ring? No? Well, maybe you'll be impressed when you see how they actually perform in the ring! Here's Mr. Big taking on two guys at once!"
(The footage changes to a clip from The Three Stooges. In the clip, Moe is going through one of the slapstick routines with Curly and Larry where he continually slaps them in the face and pokes them in the eyes.)
Billy: "BOY! Look at him go! Too bad he couldn't keep the momentum going though, because he eventually ended up losing this match. Right here you'll see where the tide of the match starts to turn."
(Moe is still dishing out punishment, until Curly and Larry team up. Moe shoves Curly backwards into a mattress, which Curly bounces off of. He bumps into Moe and sends him crashing into a ladder. A can of paint on the top of the ladder falls off and hits Moe right in the noggin. Moe gets a stupid look on his face and then passes out at the foot of the ladder.)
Billy: "Aww. Ain't that a shame? You've gotta watch out when you send guys into the ropes like that. Anyways, lets skip ahead to the next clip."
(Next bit of footage rolls. We're back to the clowns we saw earlier. The big, fat clown is standing in front of a skinny clown and telling him to sniff the flower in his vest. Behind the skinny clown, the short, midget clown from earlier has gotten down on all fours.)
Billy: "Here we see Midget King & Company getting ready to perform their finishing manuver. I believe they call this the "Alley-Oops!"
(The big, fat clown's flower squirts some water in the face of the skinny clown. The skinny clown acts suprised by this and starts waving his arms around. The big clown then pushes the skinny clown backwards, intending to have him trip over the midget clown. Instead, however, the skinny clown accidently falls backwards ON TOP of the midget clown, squishing him.)
Billy: "Well! That was pathetic. I've seen third-graders do a better job of executing that same move on a playground. I guess that means we should move on to something else. How about a shot of Curly Long in the ring, huh?"
(We got to footage of a competition at a county fair. In the event, a grown man is running around a pig pen trying to catch a greased pig. The pig runs around, squealing at the top of its lungs as the man slops around in the mud, chasing it.)
Billy: "Now this footage is a great example of the scrambling abilities of Curly Long! Just look at how he breaks all the holds his opponent tries to put on him. It can't last forever, though.
(Eventually, the man in the pen catches the pig by the hind legs. He stands up and holds the pig upside down by the legs.)
Billy: "See what I mean. Not very impressive in my books. And what does the audience think? Well, let's take a look."
(We ge a clip of a group of kids sitting in their desks at school, clearly bored silly as they listen to some teacher off camera drone on and on.)
Billy: "Bored out of their gordes! And frankly, who could blame them when they have to watch crap like that in the ring."
(The footage ends and we go back to Billy and Ultimo on the screen in their respective chairs.)
UC: "So, Billy, once again we have a couple of guys with virtually no wrestling talent, whatsoever?"
Billy: "It pretty much looks that way, Ultimo. Frankly, how these guys ever became Tag-Team Champions is beyond me."
UC: "Well... they DID win the belts from the Ragnals."
Billy: "Oh yeah. So maybe it DOES make sense. I mean, its not like they had any competition before WE came along."
UC: "Very true! So, were you able to find ANY redeeming qualities in Midget King & Co.'s wrestling style."
Billy: "Actually, I was. It seems that their matches are useful in helping new mothers put their babies to sleep. After about 5 minutes of watching a Curly & Mr. Big match, those kids are out like a light.... even if they have a really bad case of colic."
UC: "Interesting. Well, that's good news for all those new mom's out there, but it sucks for wrestling fans. So what kind of grade did you give these guys, Billy?"
Billy: "I gave them ONE star. And that one star was mainly because I was able to find THIS wonderful piece of footage I found.
(We get a quick bit of footage of the first match Billy Ubermark had against Curly Long in the E.W.T. Billy nails Curly with a dropkick to the face, and later goes up to the top rope and nails a Frog Splash for the win.)
UC: "I can see why you only gave them one star, because there was only one star in that footage.... and believe me, it sure wasn't the midget clown!
Billy (with a big smile on his face): "Damn right. How about you? What did you give them for a grade?
UC: "I give 'em a face full of Billy Beer!"
(UC shakes up an old can of that horrible urine water made famous by that former president's brother and sprays it all over a slide of Curly and Big.)
Billy (waving his hand in front of his face from the smell of the beer): Ugh!..... That stuff wreeks!
UC (cringing at the odor): "Yeah, well it was the closest I could come to cat piss without having to go to the Humane Society."
Billy: "Makes sense to me. Well that's all the time we have for this week's show. Join us next week when we review another pair of second-rate shmucks who don't deserve to share the same aire we breathe. Until then, this is Billy Ubermark..."
UC: "And Ultimo Chocula saying good-bye.... and good ridance."
(The set fades to black and the credits start rolling.)
HOSTS: Ultimo Chocula & Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark
PRODUCERS: Ultimo Chocula & Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Moniqua Morricone
CAMERA & PRODUCTION CREW: The guys from the production crew that WCW fired, even though they were good at their jobs, and then replaced with high school drop-outs.
FOOD FOR MONIQUA MORRICONE'S DOG PROVIDED BY: Hillshire Farms
MATERIAL FOR THE PROGRAM PROVIDED BY: The second-rate competition this fed offers the HBMS.
GUESTS FOR THE PROGRAM STAYED: Under the Culligan St. Bridge! (Luxurious accomidations! Your own private cardboard bed! Full-service assistance from nearby winos! And steel girders to keep the wind out! THAT'S the Culligan St. Bridge)
PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION WAS PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:
***PROMOTIONAL AD***
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(Andy is seen in a large feild sitting on an old stump lip syncing over the musical track.)
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Voice over: "Call now to order Andy's brand new album, "Let's Get Busy!" A two cd set of Andy singing the new classics!"
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Andy Griffith: "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y! Night! S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y! Night!"
Voice over: "Does this look like somebody who's one step away from the rest home? Oh no! Andy Griffith is out to rock! And now you can order this double CD and play it for all of your friends and family! Order today while supplies last!"
(Cut to Andy wearing Hammer pants and a Kid N Play wig.)
Andy Griffith: "This here's a jam for all the fellas. Try to do what those ladies tell us. Get shot down cuz you're over zealous. Play hard to get females get jealous......"
(Fade out, thank gawd.)
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Post by Banned Member on May 22, 2006 13:24:29 GMT -5
*Outlaw walks back though the curtian after his match, and has a sick twisted grin on his face. When Sum Guy runs up to him.*
SG: Hey Outlaw whats your thoughts on the ruling that Toom made?
OL: What ruling little man?
SG: That your suspension is not lifted until you actually beat Ratings.
OL: What!! That no good son of a b***!! Ratings next week ther well be no more ducking me! I will break you, and than I will make you bloody!!!! Bring all the goons you want cause you will not win!
SG: Now what are your thoughts on the car accident that involved someone you know real well.
OL: What car accident?
SG: You have not heard about the drunk driver hitting the Ragnals, Chry...
*Outlaw all of a sudden grabs Sum Guy, and throws him against the wall, and his voice changes.*
Merc: Tell me Trish was not in that car!!!
SG: I'm sorry, but she was, and there is no word if she will ever return.
Merc: My god.............
*Merc than in a rare case of emotion sits down on the floor, and puts his face in his hands, and the scene fades to black.*
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Post by chanceconfidence on May 22, 2006 16:19:38 GMT -5
As we come back from commercial break, Chance Confidence is seen strolling his way into the building. This time he's decked out in a RIDICULOUSLY shiny blue shirt and matching pants. He's got his hair up in a ponytail instead of it's usual... messy look. He has a cocky smirk as he strolls into the building... bumping into Terri again. Oh no...
Terri: Oh god... WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?!
Chance lowers a pair of tinted sunglasses and grins.
Chance: Hello there beautiful. Lemme guess, come here to admire the most handsome man on the EWT roster? Heh... I bet you are. Still don't know what you see in that... Ultimate Vanilla chump.
Terri: Ummm... yeah. Ultimo may be a jerk, but at least he doesn't... ummm, actually you two are alot alike... but I still like him alot better than you Chance.
Chance smirks... looking at Terri.
Chance: Oh c'mon. He may be one half of the EWT Tag Team Champions... but he's LEAGUES away from my talent. You're looking at a man who won the Tri-State Championship in his first few months of competition. A man who personifies perfection.
Terri: Yeah... didn't you win that after you had two... goons crack a steel chair into the champion's head?
Chance: Heh... it doesn't matter how I won it babe. The fact of the matter is... in those EWT Record books, under FORMER Tri State Champions... my name is in that list. Which makes me better than almost everyone on that roster. And tonight... I'm gonna add another notch in my belt... when I beat Professor Nutcase...
Terri: Insaneo...
Chance: Whatever. The point is... come the end of next week, CHANCE... CONFIDENCE will be your new EWT... garbage wrestling champion.
Terri: Ugh... that's Toolshed.
Chance: Whatever. That doesn't matter to me. And besides, Insaneo's a coward... he's no showed most of his matches in the past. So it's going to be up to me... to take that belt from off his waist and put it around my own. I don't care what I have to do to accomplish this either... remember what happen to Richards at Full House?
Terri: Yeah... that was sick. Why would you do that to anyone? You could've killed the man.
Chance: Chance does... what Chance feels like doing. So what, A-Blob will probably kiss his boo-boos all better... among other things.
Terri shakes her head.
Terri: Ok... there you go. You had your interview, now go away.
Chance raises an eyebrow, leaning close into Terri's face.
Chance: C'mon there Terri... how about a good luck kiss? Not that I need it.
Terri immediately SLAPS Chance in the face... sending him stumbling back. She immediately storms off as Chance holds his now slightly sore cheek.
Chance: Whatever... I'm too good for you anyway.
Confidence slides the sunglasses back over his eyes and strolls off to his locker-room.
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on May 22, 2006 17:19:18 GMT -5
We go to from one area backstage to the office of Curly Long. Curly is watching a replay of the latest "The Handsome Boy Modeling School Scouting Report". Curly is standing on his sofa which makes him about 4ft tall and is fuming
CURLY: I can't believe it!!! .... I won't believe it!! ... those two idiots have the audacity to make there crappy show about me!! ... oh and you Big.
Mr. Big is resting against the wall, flicking through one of Curly's racy magazines ... he gives a nod to Curly, but isn't really paying attention to what's going on and continues reading
CURLY: Sure it was funny when they ridiculed the P.T.A or told the truth in regard to those wannabe rookies the Suicide Idolz. But them insulting us? .. Who do Ultimo and Billy think they are dealing with here! ... We've got rid of everyone we have faced in the EWT, in fact ...
Curly hops down from the sofa and walks up to a list on the wall. Next to it is a full size playboy calendar. Big ignores Curly and continues flicking though the magazine
CURLY: Lets see ... Pza & the B.O.P gone, Raskall & Trunk gone, Psychoapeguy gone and now ....
Curly pulls out a black marker pen ... he reaches up and crosses off the fourth name on the list ... Ragnals
CURLY: Ragnals gone ... God that felt good! Now then, once we move these Suicidals off a bridge we can concentrate on those two numskulls that think they know a bit about showmanship! ... Wait a sec! ....
Curly slaps his forehead, as if he has just remembered something
CURLY: Of course! .... Those two don't know just what they may have dug into with that little TV show they like to call entertainment! ... C'mon Big, you have a match with some guy who is about to get T***ed! .... and I have an idea regarding the retard school of fashion!
Curly grabs his cell phone and heads to the door
CURLY: ... Hey ... yeah, i'm good, ... listen you still got that footage? ... you do ... marvelous! ...
Curly walks out of his office still on the phone, as if on cue two beautiful brunette girls split off and cater to his every need. Mr. Big follows still reading his magazine
(cut to commercial)
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,390
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on May 22, 2006 17:48:39 GMT -5
We cut to the EWT Arena where Supera Mazing and Ham Hawk are fighting in a dark match. Mazing has Hawk on the turnbuckle and goes for a piledriver when Chad Michaels comes running out and whack Mazing over the head with a steel chair. Hawk falls to the mat and turns around before getting hit with some Sweet Chin Music. Michaels stands over the two competitors before grabbing a microphone. CM: "Toom E.!!! For three weeks, three long weeks, I haven’t been on the match board in a singles match. Hell, the only reason I fought last week was because it was Jason and Scott’s last match. That was the only reason. If you include the tag-team match, that leaves two out of five weeks that I was on. Why Toom E.? Huh? "I think I know. You’re lowballing me. You’re “conveniently” forgetting that I still work here and bust my ass off at house shows. I went one-on-one with the X-Division in TNA for two weeks before coming back, and did you even notice that I was gone? No, because you were to busy changing everyone’s diaper to notice me. Well you know what Tooms? Here’s the deal: I get a match, a one-on-one match, next week, or I interfere in matches and ruin your reputation every week. Until then,..."
Michaels goes to the outside and grabs a guitar before coming back into the ring. Ham Hawk is barely getting up and turns around before getting LEVELED with the guitar. Ham Hawk is down as Michaels grabs the microphone once again.
Michaels: "It's your decision Tooms. Or The Heartbreaker will kieep on doing what he knows best." Michaels throws the microphone down and heads to the back as we fade to a commercial for Contra Code Force 5, now featuring EWT Superstars!!!
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 22, 2006 21:18:48 GMT -5
*Cut back from commercial, Toom E Dangerously comes out from the back.* Chad, Chad, hold on here a second Heartbreaker. You know what? You have a point, my friend. A very valid point. So I would like to make it up to you. Tell me what you think about this: Sunday, June 4th, 2006 Heartbreaker Chad Micheals HeartBreak Hitman Brett Micheals Tri-State Championship Inside a steel cage Chad, think about it. Are you willing to enter... The Megadeth?
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on May 22, 2006 22:00:30 GMT -5
*HBH watches Toom E's announcement on a monitor. He is visibly furious*
HBH: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I worked damn hard to win this title in a hardcore match from some psychopath and now I'm supposed to defend it in a cage match against some nobody? What the f*** has this Chad Michaels person done to earn a shot at my title? Who the hell is he, anyway?
Cherry: Uh, I think he's with that Third Street Warriors group or whatever they're called.
HBH: Anyway, I guarantee that this kid will NOT have it easy in this match. He will find out exactly why I am The Showstoppa, The Icon, The Main Event!
*HBH walks off angrily as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by The Bad Man on May 23, 2006 5:18:06 GMT -5
(We come back after the commercial break to find D'Zee standing next to Sum Guy)
SUM GUY: Hi everyone I'm sum Guy and I've been told once you have black you never go back! ... so D'Zee is there any truth to that statement?
D'Zee gives Sum guy a look of pure didain, and then punches him hard in the stomache. Sum Guy collapses to the ground
D'ZEE: Hun, after that body blow, your belly is going to be black & blue for a long time! ....
D'Zee turns to the camera
D'Zee: The Queen of the Ring final is approaching, It's down to just me and Rosa and I tell you people this ... D'Zee is going in and taking the belt and the crown! ... Piniata's will be broken, backs will bleed! and Rosa will be left on the curb to eat gravel through her nose! ... EWT you are looking at the next GND Women's champion! and Queen of the Ring!!
D'Zee walks off as Sum guy continues to moan in pain
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 23, 2006 10:22:02 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously walks into Generation Tech's Locker Room*
Gentlemen, please, don't get up. Not on my behalf, I'm only the owner around here.
Look, I came here to let it be known enough is enough & it's time for a change. This thing between you guys as well as the P.T.A. has gone on long enough & it will stop. But don't worry, it's not stopping today. It will stop on June 4th, 2006 in the United Kingdom.
I am taking both teams of Generation tech, as well as the P.T.A. & I am putting both teams inside one ring. And there's a catch, gentlemen. You see, there WILL be a stipulation. But that stipulation is not up to me. You see, the stipulation will be up to whomever wins the Spaz/Principal Pain Championship match.
And then both teams will meet in the ring on Sunday, June 4th, 2006 at Kingdom of Hurt live from the United Kingdom for the last time.
That is all.
*Toom E walks out.*
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Post by teamireland on May 23, 2006 14:47:34 GMT -5
Coming soon to EWT: Team Ireland!
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on May 23, 2006 15:22:06 GMT -5
<Moxie is watching Toom's announcement on Broadcast>
Moxie: You see that?
<HMark turns around from behind>
Moxie: That... My friend, is opportunity, knocking at our door.
HMark: The Cuddly Boy Academy?
Moxie: Exactly.
HMark: I like your thinking.
Moxie: <smirks> Naturally.
<Fade out>
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