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Post by shiranui on Jul 25, 2007 13:16:49 GMT -5
Cut to backstage, where River Blood (in rock star mode wearing a shiny red leather coat and sunglasses) is making himself comfortable and enjoying the company of two gothic babes, one of whom appears to be "glamour" model Scar13. Of course, he is soon interrupted by Todd Grisham.
River Blood: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? Can't you see I'm putting the moves on a bunch of beautiful ladies here, you spectacle-eyed freak? Can't a guy have SOME privacy?
Grisham: Uh, I'm sorry. But, err, you're kind of in the middle of the hallway there...
River Blood: Shut up. You wanted something?
Grisham: Um, yes. What are your plans for the upcoming pay-per-view? I mean, you just took quite a convincing victory over The Great Khali, who I is now World Heavyweight Champion in WWE...
River Blood: Blah blah blah. (someone from off-camera tries to give River Blood a copy of Iggy Pop's "Blah Blah Blah" album) No, not that. That's not what I meant. Oh yes, The Great Khali. I beat him fair and square, in the middle of the ring, with only a little assistance from a chainsaw, which I might add was PERFECTLY LEGAL even though the dumbass referee Patrick Hernandez tried to take it from me and ruin my match. Of course, I suffered a few minor injuries in that match, but look at me, I'm fine now. Never been better. Yeah, Khali never had a chance whatsoever against The Blood Red Sandman, I totally kicked his ass in that ring. And now that big buffoon is supposed to be World Champion? Eh, please. They might as well have given the belt to a ladder, although Khali isn't far from that as far as athletic ability goes.
Grisham: But how about the PPV?
River Blood: Ah, Old School. Yes... now, my OPEN CHALLENGE still stands. Anyone who wants to face the man who beat The Great Khali in the middle of that ring, go ahead and let me know, I'll beat you too. Of course, I'm not expecting many guys to rise up to the challenge because they're afraid I'll brutalize them just like I did Khali, but maybe there's someone foolish enough to get in the ring with The Blood Red Sandman.
Grisham: I see. Thank you for...
River Blood: Shut the hell up and get out of here. I'm trying to enjoy the company of some fine ladies here, and an annoying screwhead such as yourself isn't necessary for that. In fact, I find your miserable presence detrimental to the experience, so BLOW.
Grisham leaves and River Blood goes back to his private party. Fade out to commercial.
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Smarky
Mike the Goon
Posts: 14
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Post by Smarky on Jul 25, 2007 20:23:30 GMT -5
[The Noose by The Offspring blares over the PA as Smarky makes his way down to the ring to meet his opponent for the week, Funaki. As he climbs in, he grabs a microphone]
Smarky: [Barely audible] TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!
[Music turns down, as per his instructions]
Smarky: Thank you Soundboard Guy. Now, to business. Andy Davidson, John Valentine, I came to you with a proposition. I offered assistance to you. The deal I hypothetically gave to you could have made us the strongest unit in EWT. And yet, what do you do? Not only do you refuse my offer, but you betray my confidence and physically assault me! What kind of "honorable" people are you to strike a man without warning? But I digress...
[Funaki begins to pace the ring, annoyed]
Smarky: Sorry Funaki, am I making you late for Velocity?
[Funaki dashes at Smarky in a rage. Smarky, without missing a beat, tosses Funaki over the top of the ropes]
Smarky: As I was saaaaying. After my mistreatment, I complained to Toomi about my treatment. And, being the gracious and generous owner that he is, he offered me some compensation. A tag match at Old School. Andy Davidson and John Valentine against myself and Virus. Now I just have-
[Smarky is cut short by a springboard legdrop from Funaki. The bell rings and the match is on!]
Smarky vs. Funaki
Smarky rolls out of the ring, quickly being followed by Funaki. Funaki whips Smarky around, but is met with a punch to the face. Smarky grabs the back of Funaki's head and slams it into the ring steps several times. Smarky rolls back into the ring to try and get back his bearings. Funaki recovers in time to escape the 10 Count of Doom and rolls back into the ring. However, as soon as he gets up he's taken down with a vicious leg lariat from Smarky. A pin is attempted...
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2
Kickout is made by Funaki. Smarky pulls him up and attempts an irish whip but Funaki turns it around on him and sends him into the corner. Funaki dashes at the prone Smarky and hits a dropkick square into his chest, dropping him like a ton of bricks. Funaki quickly moves all the way back to the opposite corner and sprints toward Smarky again and lets loose with another dropkick. Unforunately for Funaki, Smarky had enough awareness to roll out of the way in time. Funaki hits the 2nd turnbuckle pad and nearly flips right onto his head. Sensing an opportunity, Smarky leaps onto the turnbuckle and quickly comes back down with a vicious double stomp onto the back of Funaki's head! Another cover is made.
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Almost a 3, but Funaki barely gets his shoulder up. Smarky quickly gets back up and decides on a...less methodical route. He stomps on Funaki's head several times, pulls him up to his knees, bounces off the ropes and....SHINING WIZA-NO! Ducks the kick, Matrix-style, knocking Smarky off balence. Funaki gets to his feet and batters Smarky with shots to the body and head, forcing him into the ropes, where he continues his shots. Unfortunately, Smarky's arms get tied up in the ropes and he is helpless to fight the knife edge chops that Funaki rains on his chest. The crowd pops for each chop, each pop getting louder as Smarky's chest gets redder. Funaki ends his assault, leaving Smarky limp in the ropes, moaning. Posing to the crowd, he climbs the turnbuckle. The crowd goes quiet, wondering what he's about to do. Funaki lets out a yell and leaps off the turnbuckle and catches Smarky right in the temple with a dropkick! Like a ragdoll, Smarky falls to the canvas. Both men are down! Smarky from the devastating dropkick, and Funaki from the force of the fall, and the still-present pain in his head. The ref begins the ten count.
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2
3
4 (Funaki begins to stir]
5
6
Funaki crawls over to Smarky and covers him.
One
Two
Thr-KICKOUT!
Funaki looks up in disbelief. He tries to cover Smarky again, but this time Smarky takes him by surprise with a small package!
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2
3!
Winner via Pinfall: Smarky
[Smarky quickly rolls out of the ring and holds his hands up in victory as he leaves the arena.]
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Post by The Wraith on Jul 25, 2007 20:56:12 GMT -5
*Atreyu's "Becoming the Bull" begins playing as pyros go off near the entrance of the ramp*
JR: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Jim Ross, and always besides me, The King, Jerry Lawler!
King:: It's great to be here, JR! We have a great match to look forward to tonight!
JR: You're absolutely right, King! We have a REAL slobberknocker lined up for everyone tonight, as THE HEARTBREAK KID Shawn Michaels takes on the newcomer, Johnny Darius! A Texas showdown, as both superstars hail from the same state!
Announcer: Making his way to the ring, from Robstown, Texas....."The Texas Chainsaw" Johnnyyyyyy Darius!
*Johnny appears, to some cheers*
*Johnny walks down the ramp, at a slow pace. He begins looking to his left, and to his right. He just appears ready to go.*
King: Johnny Darius? Who in the world is that?!
JR: He's a young fella who worked his way up the ranks to make it here, King! He's full of charisma, talent......and the one thing he has that every superstar needs...HEART! The kid's got heart! You have to admire him for that!
King: You expect me to admire a superstar that I haven't even heard of? Give me a break!
JR: King, you just have to take my word for it. He's a future superstar, and I see alot of great things from him.
*Johnny enters the ring and walks to the opposite side of the ring, waiting for HBK to appear*
JR: And just reminding everybody, that tonight's match is being sponsored by Head-On. Head-On! Apply dire-
King: YEAH YEAH! Apply directly to the forehead! We know!
JR: SKITTLES! SKITTLES! STRAIGHT TO HELL!
King: .......
*HBK's theme hits and the crowd goes wild*
JR: Yes! It's the Heartbreak Kid! Shawn Michaels! A true legend in this business! He must be very prepared for this match. He should take Johnny very seriously.
Announcer: And his opponent, from San Antonio, Texas.......SHAWWWWWN MICHAELS!
*HBK enters the ring and pumps the crowd up, while Johnny simply watches HBK with a determined look*
JR: The ref makes the signal, and the match is underway!
*Referee makes signal, bell goes off*
JR: This is the moment Johnny has waited for his entire life! Just look at him! He's ready for anything!
*HBK and Johnny tie up*
*HBK pushes Johnny away a few feet*
*HBK puts his hands up in a "what?" gesture, and Johnny laughs*
*They tie up again, and HBK throws a knee to Johnny's midsection*
*HBK throws Johnny to the turnbuckle, and attempts a running clothesline, but Johnny barely gets out of the way, and gives HBK a running bulldog to the mat*
JR: What a great start for the rookie!
KIng: You're not kidding, JR! HBK isn't just any regular wrestler! He's one of the best! WOOO!
JR: .......
*Johnny picks up HBK by his hair, and throws a few punches to the face*
*Johnny picks up HBK, and gives him a body-slam*
JR: For a rookie, Johnny sure knows what he's doing!
King: Yeah, whatever.
*Johnny runs against the ropes and gives HBK a kneedrop to the head*
*Johnny picks up HBK, and HBK counters with a punch to the midsection, which slows Johnny down a bit*
*HBK begins a series of punches to Johnny's midsection, runs against the ropes, and gives Johnny a clothesline*
JR: A well-executed clothesline by The Heartbreak Kid!
King: This match can be over already, JR!
*HBK goes for the pin*
JR: ONE! TWO! TH-HE KICKED OUT!
King: That was real close, JR!
JR: You're right, King! Too close for comfort, for Johnny I'm sure.
*HBK picks up Johnny, and gives him a suplex*
*HBK then gives Johnny some kicks to the chest while he's on the ground*
*HBK then climbs the top of the turnbuckle*
JR: A HIGH-RISK MANEUVER!
King: SERIOUSLY!
*HBK jumps off and attempts a diving elbow drop, but Johnny rolls out of the way, and HBK hits the mat hard*
JR: A SMART MOVE BY JOHNNY DARIUS! He may be a rookie, but he's got veteran instincts, King!
King: PUPPIES!
Jr: ......
*Johnny drags HBK to a turnbuckle, then climbs the turnbuckle across from HBK*
JR: What's he doing?! He's out of his mind! He couldn't!.
KIng: Get down from there, Johnny!
*Johnny jumps and gives HBK a dropkick*
JR: BAH GAWD, KING! HE CONNECTED!
King: UNBELIEVABLE!
*crowd goes wild for the insane spot*
*Johnny gets up, and appears to get pumped up*
JR: Uh-oh! He's feeling it! This can't be good for HBK!
*Johnny picks up HBK, and carries him on his shoulders to the top of the turnbuckle*
JR: Oh what now!?
*Johnny takes a deep breath, jumps and gives him an F-5 off the top turnbuckle*
JR: OH MY GOD! A DEVASTATING MANEUVER! HBK IS OUT COLD!
King: Johnny looks like he's knocked out, too!
JR: Both superstars are out on the mat! Johnny took the big chance with the maneuver, and paid the price!
*Referee begins count*
Ref: ONE!.............TWO!.............THREE!......*Johnny makes a little movement*
JR: Johnny's still conscious after that high-risk move!
Ref: FOUR!.............FIVE!...........*Johnny slouches over and pins HBK*
*Ref runs, slides, and begins count*
Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE!
*Bell rings*
JR: It's over! Johnny Darius wins his debut match!
King: UNBELIEVABLE! HE DID IT!
*Johnny, very slowly, gets up, but obviously hurt*
JR: These two men put on a great show tonight! They gave it everything they had!
Announcer: And your winner.....JOHNNY DARIUS!
*crowd cheers*
*Johnny gets his hand raised by the ref, but doesn't have it up for long due to his pain*
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Jul 25, 2007 22:27:01 GMT -5
Justin Roberts: Our next match is scheduled for one fall. *Bell rings. John Morrison’s music plays.* Roberts: Coming down to the ring, at 6 foot 1 inch, and weighting 219 lbs, from Los Angeles, California: THE ECW CHAMPION, JOHN MORRISON. *Morrison comes out to some boos, walks down to the ring, and enters it.* Joey Styles: Okay, we are set for action as John Morrison against a man who should be locked up in a mental institution. Tazz: Not for nuthin’, Styles; but I wouldn’t say that when he get out her. Styles: Don’t worry, I learned not to call the Comedian “crazy.” *The Comedian's music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a423fqOrpA Roberts: And, his opponent, coming down to the ring, at 6 foot 6 inches, and weighing 290 lbs, from Los Angeles, CA: “THE COMEDIAN” BOBBY RIGGS. Tazz: Hey! The Comedian and John Morrison are both from L.A. I bet you they’re both Dodgers fans. Styles: Well, I doubt their loyalty to the Dodgers will keep these two from beating each other up. *The Comedian’s music is still playing, but he hasn’t come out.* Tazz: Wait, where is the Comedian? He hasn’t come out yet. Styles: The Comedian’s music is playing, but he hasn’t come out yet. Maybe there’s something wrong with him, hopefully. *Suddenly, the Comedian’s music stops, and the lights go out. Then, a strobe light starts blinking all over the arena and The Doors’s “Break On Through (To The Other Side) starts to play. www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gJwVxUy1IA Then, a bunch of women dressed up as lizards come out and dance down the aisle and around the ring.* Tazz: What da hell is dis, Joey? Styles: I have no idea. *Then, a spotlight is shown on the entranceway stage. Suddenly, the Comedian comes out, dressed like Jim Morrison, including a wig. He jumps around like Morrison as he makes his way to the ring. The referee and John Morrison look on in confusement as the Comedian enters the ring and the lizard ladies leave.* Tazz: Hey! The Comedian has dressed up like Jim Morrison. But, why? Styles: Maybe because John Morrison looks like Jim Morrison. Tazz: Really? I hadn’t noticed. *The bell rings, and both men tie up. Morrison ends up putting the Comedian into a headlock, but Riggs escapes and does a twist and jump a la Jim Morrison.* Styles: And, the Comedian is really taking this Jim Morrison impression to heart. I bet you he’s doing this to get into the head of John Morrison. Tazz: Or, this could be part of his act. You know, comedians like to do impressions in their act, like “Yo! I’m Robert De Niro. Bada bing! Bada boom!” Styles: That was a horrible Robert De Niro. Tazz: Eh! Everybody’s a critic. *The Comedian and Morrison tie up again. This time Morrison pushes Riggs to the ropes and then tries to whip him across the ring. However, Riggs reverses the Irish whip and sends across the ring. Morrison hits the ropes and comes running back into a back body drop. Morrison soon gets up, but the Comedian hits him with a snap suplex. Morrison sits up on the mat, holding his back; and the Comedian grabs him and hits him with a reverse suplex. Riggs gets up and picks up Morrison, but Morrison pokes Riggs in the eye. Then, he moves back into the rope and charges at Riggs. However, Riggs ducks and hits Morrison with three German suplexes. Then, he picks up Morrison and hits him with three snap suplexes. Then, he picks up Morrison and hits him with three belly-to-belly suplexes.* Tazz: Whoa! Riggs pretty stole my nickname—“The human suplex machine.” Styles: And, the Comedian showed us why Comedy Comes In Threes with those three German suplexes, snap suplexes, and belly-to-belly suplexes. *The Comedian waits as Morrison slowly gets up. When he does the Comedian locks on the Iron Claw.* Styles: Now, Riggs has Morrison trapped in the Iron Claw. Tazz: Hey! There’s a move you don’t see everyday. *The Claw is locked tightly on Morrison’s head, but Morrison pulls Riggs into the ropes and then runs to the center of the ring, trying to push Riggs off of him. However, the Comedian won’t let go.* Tazz: Morrison tried to escape, but Riggs has that move locked on him, like a claw. Styles: Hence why they call it the Iron Claw. Tazz: I know. I was just sayin’. *The Comedian has the move locked on for a minute or two when Morrison wraps his arms around Riggs’s stomach and gives him a modified back suplex.* Styles: And, Morrison gets out of the Iron Claw with a suplex of his own. Tazz: Hopefully, he won’t steal my gimmick like Riggs did. *Both men slowly get up. Then, Morrison dropkicks Riggs into the ropes. As Morrison gets up, Riggs runs at the ECW Champ, but Morrison kicks Riggs in the stomach and hits him with a swinging neckbreaker. With Riggs on the mat, Morrison runs to the ropes and runs back to Riggs, hitting him with a standing shooting star press. Then, he goes for a pin.* Ref: 1…2…*The Comedian kicks out.* Styles: Morrison almost got a 3 count there. Tazz: Not for nuthin’, it looks like Morrison is starting to make a comeback. *Morrison waits as Riggs gets up. Once he does, Morrison charges at him and hits Riggs with a step-up enziugiri. The Comedian falls to the mat, and Morrison goes for another cover.* Ref: 1…2…Thr*Riggs kicks out.* Styles: Somehow, Riggs kicked out after a vicious kick to the head. Tazz: Damn, after a kick like that, I thought this one was over. *As Morrison argues with the referee over the count, Riggs rolls out of the ring, walks over to the timekeeper’s table, and grabs a chair. Then, he reenters the ring. As Morrison turns around, Riggs viciously hits him with the chair. The ref immediately calls for the bell.* Styles: OH MY GOD!!!! What a chair shot! Tazz: And, I think it just got him DQed. Roberts: Your winner, by disqualification, John Morrison. *Riggs looks shocked after the announcement and asks Roberts to give him the microphone. Roberts quickly gives the mic to Riggs, and the Comedian then grabs the referee.* Comedian: *doing a Jim Morrison impression* Hey man! What’s the deal!? Why are you harshing my mellow with the DQ? Ref: I had to disqualify you. You hit Morrison with a chair. That’s against the rules. Comedian: *still doing a Jim Morrison impression*But, anything goes in ECW! You can do whatever you want! Ref: But, we’re not in ECW—we’re in EWT. And, what you said about ECW isn’t true anymore. Comedian: *still doing a Jim Morrison impression* Oh, I get it. The establishment wants to enforce its rules on me. They want to cage this free spirit. Well, this is what I think of you, establishment! *The Comedian kicks the ref in the stomach. Then, he hits him with a cradle piledriver.* Styles: What the hell!? The Comedian just his the ref with his “Laugh Riot” cradle piledriver. Tazz: That ain’t right! *Then, Light My Fire starts to play. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_JN5lPCC0 Riggs gets up as the strobe light starts blinking and those lizard ladies come out. The Comedian exits the ring and walks back up the ramp, jumping around like Jim Morrison as the lizard dancers dance around him.* Styles: And, thus ends the weirdest match I’ve ever seen. Tazz: And, John Morrison and the ref are still lying on the mat. Styles: I don’t blame them. If I was them, I would play dead until this lunatic left the ringside area as well. Tazz: Well, I got to hand it to “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. I was impressed with his wrestling skills. And, I loved his Jim Morrison impression. I mean, that wig didn’t fall off! *Cut to commercial.*
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2007 13:09:55 GMT -5
*The camera fades into the EWT arena, facing the Toomitron. Led Zepplin’s “No Quarter” begins to blare over the speakers, as the fans begin to boo. Suddenly, the Toomitron lights up with something highly peculiar.*
“…Andy.”
“JOHNNY!”
“ALEXIS!”
“MIKEY!”
*In unison* “AND WE ARE…THE CIDAL SQUAD!”
*In an instant, the fans stop their booing. Completely dressed in male cheerleader outfits, a’la the Spirit Squad, Jimmy Thunder and Jack Jupiter come jumping onto the stage, hooting and hollering. Walking out blankly is Jason Jupiter, also in a male cheerleader outfit. Right behind him is none other than Terina, dressed obviously as a female cheerleader, tank top, short skirt, boots, pom-poms and all. As the theme of their garb, red, black and white are dominating. On Thunder’s head is a ridiculously-placed rubber skull cap, hardly matching his tan skin and surrounded by his long, brown hair. In one hand is a huge gold crucifix, perhaps heavier than (the rather stout) Curly Long. Around his waist, a plastic version of one of the EWT Tag Titles—the same with Jupiter in regards to the belt. However, Jason also has a can of Raid, spraying it in every which-way as he advances down to the ring. Jack has a plastic version EWT World Championship. As the four continue to walk down to the ring, audible laughter can be heard from the crowd. The music dies down, just as they grab microphones and get into the ring. With Jack in the middle, all four take their positions.*
All 4: Cidal Squad roll call! Who’s got spirit?
Jupiter: “Insecticidal” Andy Duke. I have spirit. I kill bugs.
*Out of the crowd, the Midnight Mystery bolts into the ring, clad in a comically-oversized fly suit. Jupiter begins to spray the giant “fly” till he collapses down to the mat and rolls out, hitting the floor with a sudden thud.*
Thunder: “Sinnercidal” Jonathan Doe! I HAVE SPIRIT! I kill sinners!
Jupiter: Doesn’t that mean my girlfriend and—
Terina: That’s me! Alexis King! I have spirit! *shakes pom-poms* I….I don’t know what I do. But Andy, you can bet your life that I’m your bitch, anytime, anywhere! *continues shaking pom-poms*
Thunder: That’s not what I heard you say to the million other men that you--
Jupiter: As I was going to say…I would be long dead, by your hand?
Thunder: No.
Jupiter: Why?
Thunder: …I have NO idea. Should I get to that then?
Jupiter: No.
Thunder: Why?
Jupiter: I’m the boss, what I say goes!
Jack: But I’m the world champ, and more experienced than you three combined!
...
"Elementicidal" Mike Ragnal! I HAVE SPIRIT! I kill elements! Whatever the hell that means!
Terina: *sarcastically* Whoooooa!
Jupiter: …But I’m still the boss!
Thunder: So why did we join up again?
Jupiter: To hijack. Kill. Rule.
Thunder: I don’t see any car—
Jupiter: That’s not what I mean.
Jack: What DO you mean?
Jupiter: We’re going to destroy EWT, and then rule it!
Thunder: Wait a minute. After we destroy EWT, what’s left?
Jupiter: That's not the point! We're out to kill things!
Jack: Now hold on a second. If I kill elements, but you guys don't...why am I here for you guys to help me kill elements?
Jupiter: Ugh.
Thunder: I kill sinners. *Lifts up crucifix* Now, Andy, Alexis?
Jupiter: Yes...?
Terina: YES? *cheesy, toothy grin*
Thunder: You two are sinners. And we once said, ourselves, that we're evil. Isn't that a sin as well?
Jupiter: Yes.
Thunder: Then isn't the logic that I should kill all of us?
Jupiter: No. No. WAIT!
Thunder: Too late! *unwins the crucifix, which turns out to be a toy chainsaw. He revs it up* We're gonna die now!
Terina: *shakes pom-poms* Love ya, Andy! Too bad we couldn’t do any incredibly horrible sex jokes like we--
*Thunder taps Terina and Jason on the shoulders with the chainsaw, causing them to collapse and writhe in "pain." Jack scrambles around the ring, before getting tapped with the chainsaw as well. He drops in an instant. Thunder than taps himself on the shoulder with the toy chainsaw, collapsing in a heap as well. After about half a minute of laying in there, the four of them suddenly get up, dropping all their "toy" objects and picking their mics back up.*
Jupiter: ...but seriously, fans of EWT, THOSE are your current champions.
Terina: Who knows why they teamed together, or how they got the belts.
Jupiter: They managed to wriggle away like eels…
Thunder: Yes, but do they know how to pin a team of our caliber?
Terina: I highly doubt that. After all, at Old School, the ball is in OUR court. Not only will I destroy that laughing stock, Madison, but Jack will get that Toolshed Title shot and defeat Voltigeur for the belt. Also…
Jack: Mike Ragnal, I think it's OBVIOUS Joe One will be your....poison. And when he wins the EWT World Championship, and my cousin and friend get the tag belts, MINIPAX WILL PREVAIL!
Terina: Um, sure. BUT I’M NOT FINISHED! Like I was going to say, we’ve all got the advantages in our respective matches.
Thunder: But especially for the tag match. Folks, ya may not know this, but we’re a team that has gotten as far as we have through our technique! Our cohesion! The blend of speed, power, athleticism, intelligence…
Jupiter: And what do YOU have, Cidal Squad? Old School brings us to the basics: pure, unadulterated wrestling. THAT is what we specialize in.
Terina: TJT is the most technical team in EWT. A force of absolute perfection!
Thunder: And facing us in that kind of environment…our domain….how will you fare against us?
*Jason produces a calculator and inputs a bunch of numbers, reading off the results.*
Jupiter: Considering the fact that they will be facing us in a type of match we have over 6 years of experience with, the odds of their victory measure at approximately….Point 00004 percent. Provided of course, that we both have some form of previously unseen, congenital heart defect.
Thunder: Perfect creations like ourselves. Congenital heart defects. Yeeeeeah, I’m REALLY not seeing how those go together.
Jack: It could happen, you might just both have it!
*the four laugh, but then the members of TJT get serious once more*
Terina: Old School has a fitting name for you, Cidal Squad. It’ll prove a learning experience, as you’ll soon learn—
Jupiter: --Unless we all have congenital heart defects, which I highly doubt. Heheheh—
Terina: --that it’s US who inspired the creation of “wrestling clinic,” and that you won’t manage to escape us any longer! Next time…
Thunder: Next time...
Jupiter: Next time...
Thunder: The EWT Tag Team Championships will belong to T...
Jupiter: ...J...
Terina: T!
Thunder: Now let's split.
Terina: And we're not done with this just yet. Nyrds…we’d watch out if we were you…
*TJT flash smiles on their faces; Jack remains quizzical as ever.*
*"Peace Sells" picks up over the speakers as the quartet drop their microphones and hop out of the ring, making their way up the exit ramp as boos pick up. The camera zooms in on the plastic tag belts, and the camera fades out.*
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Post by DieShiguya on Jul 26, 2007 14:49:24 GMT -5
*Cue to a cold-looking, padded white room. Die Shiguya is there, strumming a beautiful purple Goddess-line Guitar. It seems he doesn't notice the camera, as his face is relaxed, and his eyes are closed. A peaceful look is on his face, but his lips are turned slightly downward. He plays a few more chords, and begins to softly sing.*
You know I see you and I can't help but feel remorse. It's in my thoughts and I see all those closed doors.
Loves rises from hatred's ashes just as peace comes from wars. As I die laughing coldly, knowing the darkness that's in store.
For beliefs in the lies of light promised to the wicked. Eventually you'll fall from grace as the former lost are lifted.
The shunned shalt be spared as the accepted become forsaken. My heart may be ripped out, but my soul shall not be taken.
* His last word drifts over the audience's ears in a wave of sorrow. With a soft sigh, Shiguya's mouth turns slightly upward, but it's clear from his soft, melancholy singing that he isn't the most joyful of souls. His eyes open, and the eerie gray that shines in the center of them turns upward, as the camera fades to static.*
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on Jul 26, 2007 17:51:30 GMT -5
Some light percussion plays as the audience begins to boo. Suddenley, with the word 'Shout', two blue flames strike in the form of a 'V'.
Announcer: The following contest is schedualed for one fall, and is for the EWT Stable Championship. Introducing first, approaching the ring, weighing in at 858 lbs., Joe One, Richard Clay, and the Midnight Mystery, representing the EWT Stable Champions, Minipax!
One and Clay hold their belts on their shoulders, while Mystery uses his as some sort of mask. One and Clay try not to look at him.
Announcer: And their opponents, already in the ring, weighing in at 666 lbs., Johnny, Nicky, and Mikey, the Spirit Squad!
Johnny moonwalks, Nicky spins in a circle, and Mikey does jumping jacks to the uncaring of the audience. As Minipax enters the ring, the three of them jump out of the ring, for fear of Mystery. The three Ministry members hand over their belts to the referee. One and Clay look at each other before patting the Midnight Mystery on the back as they stepped on the ring apron. The Spirit Squad look at each other, worried as hell. Mikey and Johnny place their fingers on their noses, as Nicky is resigned to be the first man in the match. He slowly enters the ring.
*ding ding ding*
Almost immediatley, Nicky tries to tag out, but Johnny and Mikey run away for fear of the Midnight Mystery. Nicky shouts at them to come back, but gets at tap on the shoulder. Nicky slowly turns around to see the Midnight Mystery staring at him.
Mystery: HABANNNNNN.....POP!
And with that, Mystery chops Nicky on the head. Nicky falls to the floor like a ragdoll. Mystery picks Nicky back up and places him on his shoulders, landing a Cutter of Doom. Suddenly, Joe One extends his hand and shouts for a tag. The Midnight Mystery looks confused, but tags in One anyway.
One steps in and quickly locks in the First Lighting. Nicky soon taps out.
*ding ding ding*
Announcer: Here are your winners, Minipax!
One lets go of the hold quickly and stands up with his arms raised. The three get their belts back and pose. The Midnight Mystery tries to eat his belt, but One slaps it out of his mouth.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jul 26, 2007 23:48:27 GMT -5
*Toom E. is in his office, trying to figure out just how much more was spent while he was gone.*
Toom: Let’s see…hm, we might have to cancel Lily’s contract if we want to get anymore money back.
*Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door.*
Toom: Come in.
*And in walks the Innovator of FUN.*
Joe: Haaaaaay, Toom Eh! Que pasa, mon ami?
Toom: Ah, Joe. Good to see you. I assume you got my message?
Joe: Yeah. You said you wanted me involved in some kind of a match at this Old School PPV. What’s that, like, we gonna bring in Run DMC and Doc Dre?
Toom: Not THAT kind of Old School! Now look, as was custom in the old days, there would usually at least be one match on the show that involved comedy. With you being the Innovator of FUN, I’ve decided you’re a likely candidate for such a match.
Joe: Comedy? Seriously? Cool beans to you, good sir. So who’m I facing?
Toom: That’s what you’re here to determine. I have here…
*Toom pulls a bowl with scraps of paper under his desk on top of it.*
Toom: A bowl with several likely candidates for such a match. I want you to pick one piece of paper out of this hat.
Joe: Done and done.
*Joe reaches in and digs for a paper, eventually pulling one out, and reading the name on the paper. His face looks, well, surprised.*
Joe: Oh, c’mon. No. Can’t I pick another name?
Toom: Actually, Joe, they all say the same name.
Joe: …you mean…
Toom: Yes, Joe. At Old School, you will be in a Comedy Match…against Jobby McJobberston.
Joe: WHAT?! That’s lame, man!
Toom: Deal with it.
Joe: *sigh* fine…
*Joe turns to leave, but then stops, and turns around.*
Joe: A thought occurs, though. If we’re in the red with money, how come we’re trying to sell out tickets in an old, smelly high school gym?
Toom: Uh, well…
Joe: And in such a case, we’d get maybe twenty people at most because they’re that school’s alumists or nerdy teens with WAY too much school spirit. So, if we’re bankrupt, how is making thirty dollars a person for like, a handful of people going to help us? Wouldn’t that just make things worse? I mean, you really-
Toom: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
Joe: Gone.
*Joe flees out of the room while Toom E. opens one of his desk drawers, and pulling out a bottle of Tylenol as the screen fades out.*
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Boku AKA Da Green Guy
El Dandy
WC's Resident Pirate Otaku and Official Scapegoat
Always and Forever, Hurricane.
Posts: 8,371
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Post by Boku AKA Da Green Guy on Jul 27, 2007 4:15:48 GMT -5
* Bagpipes blare over the loudspeaker. * *After the initial cheer, Rory and Robbie step out from the EWT curtain. They raise their arms, then go to their corresponding sides of the stage to acknowledge the audience. Then they meet back at the center and begin to walk down the ramp.* Finkel: From Oban, Scotland... Weighting in at 34 Stone... Rory and Robbie McAllister, the Highlanders! *After a few beard strokes, they run to the ring and pull themselves to the apron. Robbie enters the ring, while Rory stays on the apron, and they both walk to the right turnbuckle. Rory climbs to the top rope from the outside and Robbie leans against the same turnbuckle stroking his beard while Rory rests his hand on his cousin's head. The music ends.* Cole: This looks to be a long tag match full of great ring work. JBL: Although I don't like everyone except one Axel Halaway, I have to admit their last match was pretty good. And with the drama of the last match, this should be it. “I’m about to be on the floor again, Surely you’re gonna find me here, I’m about to sleep until the end of time, Drug I take gonna wake, My fear right now...”*The crowd cheers but is mostly confused why Axel's theme music is playing. After a few seconds, The Icon walks out into the arena. He appears to be lacking all of his usual pep and appears mostly somber.* Finkel: ...And their opponent... From Modesto, California; weighting in at 240lbs... “The Icon” Axel Halaway! Cole: Where's Jobby? JBL: That is a good question... Maybe... And just listen to me for once... Cole: Listening. JBL: Maybe Axel feels inadequate with his recent track record and is feeling doubtful about himself. Perhaps he request that he take on both Rory and Robbie by himself to boost his confidence. *Indeed it would appear that way. Axel makes a half hearted spin before walking down the ramp. He glances around, looking at the few fans he has. Most everyone else is either chanting for Jobby or just watching sliently. As he approaches the steps, and places one foot on the bottom step, a lone crowd member shouts at him...* “WHY IS THIS LOSER WRESTLING!? HE SUCKS!” *Immeditately after hearing this, Axel slips and falls forward on the steps. He falls off and hits the ground outside. He swiftly stands and rolls into the ring as the arena erupts in laughter at him. The Icon takes his jacket off while on his knees and casts it, along with his shades, outside the ring. His music ends.* Cole: ...I don't think that helped his ego. JBL: Any other one liners you have in that empty thing you call a brain? Cole: What? JBL: You just insulted a man that's going through a lot right now, I hope you are proud. *The Icon stands in the ring as he squares off with Rory. One bell ring later and the match is underway! The two competitors lock up and it looks like Axel may just have it. But his foot gives out and he slips backwards, landing awkwardly on his right shoulder. Immediately, Rory goes for the pin and gets a one count. Axel pushes up swiftly to fight back. He knocks Rory off him. Halaway stands while trying to shake off his stinger he seemingly has in his shoulder. Rory slams his head into Axel's, landing a vicious Headbutt. Using Axel's stunned state as an opening, he places Axel into a Suplex position and motions for a big one. But Axel blocks! He elbows out of it and goes for the Axe Handle! He locks it in and drops! BUT HE FALLS RIGHT DOWN ON HIS SHOULDER AND WITHOUT RORY! It would appear that he didn't have it locked in at all.* Cole: OH MY! JBL: What the hell was that?! When did Axel study the playbook of Randy Orton? *Rory looks stunned at the fallen Icon, who now hold his shoulder in pain. He lifts Axel up, kicks him in the stomach, locks in, and then connects with a Double Underhook Powerbomb. Rory goes for the cover!* 1! 2! 3?! JBL: I can't believe what I just saw. Cole: THE HIGHLANDERS WON! THE HIGHLANDERS WON! Finkel: AND YOUR WINNERS OF THIS MATCH... THE HIGHLANDERS! *Rory and Robbie celebrate outside the ring as Axel slowly makes it to his knees. He holds at his right shoulder while looking in disbelief at the Highlanders. He closes his eyes and bows his head as he realizes that he just lost in record time when he came out to prove to himself and to everyone, including the Draugr, that he was capable of his name. But it has backfired terribly. He stands to jeers and booing from the crowd. A few papers and cups hitting him as he makes the long trek back from inside the ring to the locker room. The same fan that jeered him before does so again.* “YOU AREN'T WORTHLY OF YOUR NAME! NO WONDER YOU CAN'T SAVE YOU OWN SISTER!” *Before Axel can respond, he's hit with a cup of beer that splashes into his face. He looks heartbroken at the treatment he's getting and slowly walks back to the locker room. Looking, for once, completely defeated.* JBL: Cole... Axel Halaway has become a broken man. And I can't help but think that the Draugr love every second of this.
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Jul 27, 2007 5:19:19 GMT -5
We return to ringside to find the Fink with the microphone
THE FINK: Ladies and gentlemen the following match is for one fall ...
As he speaks 'Moving on Up' hits the speakers. The crowd begins to boo as out walks Curly Long he has a microphone of his own.
CURLY LONG: That's enough from you Finkel! Time for a true superstar to speak!
Curly Long hops up the stairs as the crowd chants 'VLB' loudly in his direction. Curly surveys the crowd taking it in before speaking.
CURLY LONG: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Curly is EWT!
*More boos descend on the midget with the giant sized-ego*
CURLY LONG: I know what your thinking. You think I'm going to rant along about you how my men Big and Bad are going to destroy Raftshack at Old School again. Well your wrong as I don't need to tell you something that is already a formality. No I am going to to tell you about how EWT without me would be buried six feet under!
The crowd jeers and chants 'Die Curly, Die!
CURLY LONG: You muppets in the front row and beyond can boo all you want, but the fact of the matter is I am the face of EWT! I am the lewdest, crudest and down right rudest!! and I am the Main-Event Midget King!
*The crowd chants an even louder 'Curly Sucks' combined with plenty of jeers*
CURLY LONG: You don't believe me? You think I'd lie? Look at recent events and tell me the truth! Oceanic has run this company into the ground with her spending. Trips to Brazil, Limo chauffeurs, late night dinners for two at the Hilton and hell she even bought Sum Guy a new BMW! Yeah she really had you fans in her interests didn't she!
*The crowd continues to boo*
CURLY LONG: Oh but there is more, now Toomi's back he's trying to cut corners ... again might I add. I mean c'mon we're going to a abandoned school to host a ppv to recover some money! Hardly a shining beacon of light for the company is it? Of course we all know he's only doing this to fund his drinking habit!
*Curly Long is getting more animated in his speech as the crowd continues to boo him*
CURLY LONG: No the truth is that only one man can save EWT from these dark times ... and that man is ...
*Suddenly the arena turns a shade of green and from the speaker system some familiar music plays ... 'My Name is Finlay, and I love to Fight!' ... as the Irish tune sweeps over the fans out walks Finlay to a few cheers (Well anything is better than Curly Long*
CURLY LONG: ...
*Curly looks like he swallowed a wasps nest and is clearly not happy about being interrupted as Finlay walks into the ring and faces off with him, his shillelagh in hand.*
*The Bell rings*
Curly Long backs up a little as Finlay approaches before trying to dive through his legs. But Finlay used to dealing with Midgets grabs Curly Long and looks for an early finish. No wait Curly Long has bit Finlay on the nose! Finlay stumbles and lets go of Midget King which allows Curly Long to go for a roll up.
1,2 ....
No Finlay kicks out, Curly Long watches Finlay as he gets back to his feet and then charges forward for a shining wizard, but Finlay sees it coming and throws him out of the way into the referee. They both go down in a heap. Finlay comes at Curly but with the referee down Curly Long hits the Irish man with a hard low blow! Finlay crumples to the mat as Curly soaks in the jeers and boos. Unknown to Curly though is that the Little Bastard Hornswaggle has come out from under the ring and has climbed the turnbuckle! With chair in hand he leaps ...
The crowd cheers and then stops
Curly saw it coming and moved out of the way. Hornswaggle is clutching his stomach as Curly Long stomps on him, Curly grabs the discarded microphone.
CURLY LONG: You! You reject of the midget world! Winning the cruiserweight title has just made you a joke!
Curly kicks Hornswaggle in the head.
CURLY LONG: Here I am trying to gain an ounce of respect for our profession and you have to go mess it up. Get out of my ring!
Curly grabs Hornswaggle up and plants him with a piledriver. Finlay is just recovering and sees Hornswaggle spread eagle and out for the count. He charges Curly Long but in doing so runs straight into a harsh chair shot. Curly throws the chair away and makes the cover as the referee revives.
1,2,3.
The Bell Rings
THE FINK: Your winner ... Curly Long!
*Curly Long looks at his defeated opponents and then takes up his microphone as he leaves the ring.*
CURLY LONG: As I was saying ... only one thing is going to save this company, the one man who for a month brought EWT the glory and world renown it deserved ... and that man is me ... the lewdest, crudest and rudest midget of them all ... Curly Long!
*Curly Long walks backstage as the crowd boos and jeers him loudly*
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Post by Mella Drom Attoc on Jul 27, 2007 10:15:49 GMT -5
We cut back from commercial, as we see The Dream Team standing by in the ring, Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake both looking ready for their match, as Johnny Valiant stands by in the nearby corner, watching on, eager to see his two managees gain a victory. Soon after, the lights dim, as a large spotlight lights up on the rampway, as their opponents rise up from the bottom of the floor, as the tones of an instrumental version of Meatloaf's " I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) boom from the Toomitron, Lull taking a microphone and as usual, "delighting" the crowd with his voice, as they boo loudly in reply. Cruis stands behind his partner, looking quite wooden and uncaring, as he adjusts his shades. From behind as this goes on, Zed Pine walks out behind, along with that random camera man, who seems to be filming this entire sight.
JBL: Not these guys again! I CAN'T STAND THESE PEOPLE!
Cole: Oh come on John! Everyone loves them!
JBL: You are deaf and blind? Or just stupid?
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Approaching the ring, accompa-
Lull: *interrupting with his still live mic.* BEING ESCOURTED BY THE LEGENDADRY ZED PINE
Announcer: Uhh... yeah, respectively from the Silver Screen and Off Broadway, at a combined weight of 471 pounds, Tim Cruis and Lull Songstra... Coming Attraction Productions!
Lull blows kisses to the crowd as he bows, sauntering proudly down to the ring, as Cruis just kinda shrugs and follows after him, their entourage keeping up as well.
Announcer: And their opponents, accompanied by Johnny Valiant, at a combined weight of 514 pounds, Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine, The Dream Team!
JBL: GET UM, GREG! SIC UM! TAKE THESE WALKING JOKES OUT!
Cole: Oh come on!
JBL: You come on!
Cole: You're a towel!
JBL: You're an idiot.
Lull and Cruis enter the ring, as the Dream Teamers warm up for their match, looking at each other closely, flashing the thumbs up. Brutus and Lull decide to start off for their respective teams, as the bell sounds. Lull starts circling the ring, charging in for a dropkick, which Brutus ducks! Lull quickly rises up, only to get scooped up for a body slam! Brutus follows up, dropping an elbow in the chest, going for a very early cover. 1...2
Lull: THIS CAN'T BE IT, CAN IT?! DOES HE HAVE THIS WON?! HOW WILL I EVER KICK OUT OF THIS ONE?!
Lull kicks out. He quickly rises back up, Brutus quickly taking control again, hitting Lull with a series of quick jabs, whipping him into his corner of the ring, then tagging in Valentine. Valentine enters the ring, as Brutus holds Lull still, battering him with some body shots, Lull clutching the area, as Valentine pulls him back out, hoisting him up, then slamming him down with a Vertical Suplex! Lull groans, as Valentine tags out again, Beefcake charging for a jumping elbow, only for Lull to roll out of the way. He quickly gets to his feet, hitting Beefcake with a dropkick right to the skull, then pulling him up into a Snapmare, before following with another dropkick to the back of the head! Beefcake groans as Lull goes for a cover of his own. 1...2
Lull: THIS IS IT! YOU WORHTLESS WAD OF SPIT!
Beefcake throws Lull off with ease. He rises back up, charging for a clothesline, Lull countering and dropping him with a drop toe hold! He pops back up to his feet, walking over and tagging in Cruis, who was talking on his cell phone the whole time. He hangs up, then quickly enters the ring.
Beefcake rises up, just in time to get nailed with a clothesline from Cruis! He goes down to the mat as Cruis jumps atop of him, hitting some fists to his face, before pulling him back up, delivering a knee to the chest, then tossing him with a Gutwrench suplex. He smirks, strutting over and reaching down, slapping Brutus across the face, then walking over and tagging Lull back in. Lull quickly returns, running off the ropes, then leaping up for a body splash to Brutus, who gets the knees up! Lull gasps, clutching the chest, as Beefcake pulls him up, delivering a few more punches, dazing his opponent, before pulling Lully right into a Flapjack, the music man yelping and clutching his face.
Lull: NOT THE FACE! MELLA WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME IF I RUIN HER THIRD FAVORITE THING OF MINE! HELP ME, ZED PINE!
Beefcake nods, walking back over and tagging in Valentine, who climbs up to the top rope. He then leaps off just as Songstra gets up, hitting a double axe handle! Lull goes back down as Valentine makes the cover. 1....2....
Lull: NO! I PUNCH OUT GLORIOUSLY! OR NOT!
Cruis runs in and breaks up the count, then quickly hightails it back to the apron. Valentine pulls Lull back up, whipping him off the ropes, then catching him as he comes back for a Back Body Drop! Lull clutches at the area, as Valentine tags back out, then scooping up Beefcake, walking over and Bodyslamming him atop the prone opponent, as Beefcake makes another cover. 1....2....
Lull: OR MAYBE I WILL THIS TIME.
Lull manages to kick out this time.
Lull: HA! RIGHT ON THE LIME!
JBL: ...what the hell is going on here?
Cole: What do you mean?
JBL: The Dream Team should have ended this match long ago!
Cole: Don't you know the talent of CAP!
JBL: WHAT TALENT?! THEY'RE A BUNCH OF NO TALENT HACKS!
Cole: I like them.
JBL: You would.
Beefcake pulls him back up, rocking Lull further with some forearms, then coming off the ropes, going for a clothesline again. Lull however catches him and counters with a Dentist! he sits up, clapping for himself, a big smile on his face, as he rises back up, tagging in Cruis. Cruis enters the ring once more, charging full speed and knocking Valentine off the apron, the crowd booing this, then walking back over, as Lull follows, Tim grabbing his foot and helping him with an assisted moonsault atop a prone Beefcake! He then pulls him back to his feet, applying a Bear hug of sorts. Beefcake groans, as Cruis hoists him up, Lull running over and delivering a latent low blow! Beefcake gasps in pain, as Zed has meanwhile distracted the referee, showing his "sympathy for Valentine" The crowd boos as Cruis nods, placing a foot atop of Beefcake and making the cover. 1.....2......
Cole: This could be it!
JBL: NO! PLEASE NO!
No! Beefcake manages to get the shoulder up.
JBL: DAMMIT!
Cruis looks quite annoyed at this, walking over and kicking the ring ropes, before walking over, tagging Lull back in. Lull returns to the ring, watching as Beefcake rises back up, Lull charging and leaping onto his back, applying a sleeper! Brutus groans, the hold slowly starting to take effect, as Beefcake drops to a knee, Lull keeping it clinched on with glee. Valentine is back up, cheering his tag team partner on, as the crowd claps along, trying to help Beefcake escape this submission move. Soon enough, Beefcake rises up to both feet, then falls backwards, crushing Lull beneath him! He yelps in pain, as Beefcake starts crawling over to his corner of the ring, looking for the tag, and making it!
Lull: I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T SPEAK! HOW WILL I EVER RECOVER FROM THIS?!
JBL: SHUT UP, YOU FOOL!
Cole: I think he means it, John.
JBL: ....Were you created in a factory somewhere or did you just eat paint chips as a child?
Cole: Why do you ask?
Lull rises back up, turning around just in time for a clothesline! He groans, rising back up as Valentine follows with another! Cruis charges into the ring, only to get a clothesline of his own. He starts getting pumped up, pulling Lull back up from behind, dropping him with an Atomic Drop, Lull gasping and clutching his back area, as Cruis rises up, just in time to receive a double clothesline from Beefcake and Valentine, sending him over the top rope to the outside! Pine looks on in horror, running over quickly and giving his "star" a bottle of water to make sure he's okay. Lull meanwhile rises up, as Brutus pulls him up, into a Shin Breaker, Lull gasping in pain, dropping down and clutching at his leg as Valentine walks over, grabbing and stomping at the base of that same leg, Songstra looking quite in pain. He then grabs him, setting him up for a Figure 4 Lock, when suddenly, the camera man slips into the ring, shoving the thing right in Greg's face! He looks over, annoyed, shoving the camera man back, then turning around, looking for the move again, only for Lull to counter it into a Small Package! 1....2....3
Beefcake quickly breaks it up!
Lull: NO FAIR, YOU FAT UGLY BEAR!
The two look at each other, as Valentine pulls Lull back to his feet, as Beefcake runs off the ropes, only to get tripped up by Cruis on the outside! He quickly returns as Lull gives Valentine a poke to the eye, whipping him full speed, as Cruis does the same after pulling up Brutus, the two knocking noggins, as Lull tags out and Cruis charges over, laying Beefcake out with a Lights Camera Traction, while Lull gives Valentine the Con-trage-ulations combo.
Lull: TOE STOMP!
*Toe Stomp on Valentine.*
Lull: BOOT TO THE STOMACH!
*You guessed it, a boot to the stomach.*
Lull: SLAP!
*Lull slaps Valentine.*
JBL: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS DAMN RING?!
Cole: Con-Trage-Ualtions!
JBL: SHUT UP, DAMMIT!
Lull: BACKHAND!
*Lull backhands the Hammer.*
Lull: AND NOW I GIVE YOU CON-TRAGE-ULATIONS, I'LL BE SURE TO NOTIFY YOUR RELATONS!
Lull spins quickly and lands the only redeemable move in this combo to make it a finisher: the Shin Saikyou High Kick. The Hammer drops like a rock. Cruis nodding and quickly covering his opponent. 1....2....
3!
Cole: CAP WINS! CAP WINS! CAP WINS!
JBL: ........Am I on a damn prank show or does someone just have it out for me?
This one is over, CAP gets the win with some sneaky tactics.
Announcer: Here are your winners.... Coming Attraction Productions!
The two look at each other, as Lull pats Cruis on the back, the movie star chuckling a bit, as they exit to the ring to quite a number of boos, as Valiant looks on the outside in shock his Dream Team lost to a pair of stuck up "celebrities".
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jul 27, 2007 13:30:17 GMT -5
*We cut back to the EWT arena, where Chris Masters is standing, a steel chair in the middle of the ring.*
Chris: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time once again for the Masterlock Challenge! My opponent for tonight is none other than your EWT World Heavyweight Champion…
*Suddenly, H! F00L plays over the PA system, and Mike Ragnal walks out, wearing the EWT World title around his waist, as the fans boo him instantly. As Mike climbs into the ring, he takes the mic away from Masters.*
Mike: Yeah…I’m thinking no, amigo. I think I’d rather not humiliate you by breaking your own hold…and instead, embarrass you with the Shock to the System Challenge!
Chris: What..you’re serious? Bring it on.
Mike: Gladly.
*Mike drops the mic immediately and grabs Master’s arm, forcing it into a hammerlock, then gets the other arm into a Half Nelson. Almost immediately, Masters taps out. Ragnal lets go of the STTS, only to hoist Masters onto his shoulders and hit the Ragnalrok on top of the steel chair! Ragnal then picks up the mic and looks out to the audience.*
Mike: So. Now that this minor inconvenience is out of the way, I’d like to take this opportunity, and ask that my three Poisons come down here right now.
*Eventually, Joe One, Chris Indigo (Who’s with One for security, apparently), Dave Davies, and Mike Corral. Each man steps into the ring, not taking their eyes off of the World champion or his title.*
Mike: Good, good. The gang’s all here. So, here’s the deal. Since our World title match is being held in an old and seemingly abandoned high school, I want to let you guys know, that I’m gonna give you all a warm up before Old School. And how do we propose that? Simple. Indigo, One, Corral, and Davies…the four of you…will take on the four of us in the Cidal Squad.
*Davies and Corral exchange confused looks with one another, wondering why he would allow Alexa King to compete in the match.*
Mike: Yeah, that’s right. I’m sure you guys enjoy the sound of that. So, you better get ready…or as ready as you CAN get!
*Suddenly, Andy Duke and Johnathan Doe slide into the ring, and stand right behind the other four men, while Alexa King is standing on the outside. Indigo turns around and sees them, and soon the other three follow suit. They all get into a fighting stance, preparing for either of the three to make a move, looking both ways…until Joe One and Indigo slide right out the ring, and head up the ramp. Corral and Davies are surprised by this, so much they don’t see any of the Cidal Squad members charge at them. Duke and Doe team on Corral, while Mike kicks Dave into the gut and tosses him into a corner, stomping him down to the ground. Mike picks him back up and goes to whip him into an opposite corner, while Duke is about to whip Corral in the same direction. Unfortunately, both men reverse the whips, sending Ragnal and Duke into one another. As they crash to the mat, Doe runs at both men, only for them to clothesline him down to the ground. The crowd cheers Mike and Dave, and they begin to stomp down on Doe and Ragnal.
Suddenly though, someone emerges from under the ring.... it's Crauswell! Except, he looks very different then from before. His once brown furry suit has been made pitch black, the wings and feet dark purple in coloration. Around his neck is what looks like a collar you'd find around that of a junkyard dog. A blood red C is also visible, written right across the forehead of his mask He slides into the ring, taking down both Davies and Corral from behind with a clothesline, unleashing a brutal stomping fury upon them both. Duke and Doe smile, joining the furry, as the EWT champion also decides to get in some licks. The furry then jumps down, clinching the Crossface Gryphon Wing on Corral, leaving him gasping for air as the rest of the Cidals keep stomping relentlessly away. The rest of the trio then pull up Davies, who tries to wriggle free, attempting to fight his way out, Corral desperately rolling out of the ring, as the other's hold David still, Crauswell grabbing him by the throat and planting him with a Beak Buster! The crowd boos angrily at this as Ragnal looks down at his two possible opponents, both rolling about in agony, as Craus slowly rises back up, panting heavily, looking down with contempt at these two as well.
The Nyrds and Chad Michaels soon run out, looking on in anger at the Cidal Squad, heading over and helping both Davies and Corral to the back, as Ragnal sneers, holding his EWT Championship up high, the tag team champions doing the same with theirs as Crauswell stands behind the group, seeming ready to try and destroy all three of these as well, only to be held back by Alexa King.
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Jul 27, 2007 19:30:38 GMT -5
"RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOUR A SINNER!!!" "Saints and Sinners" by Mike Corral feat. Chad Michaels begins to play as Mike Corral walks out, a feirce look on his face. He's wearing his usual attire, but has a white tanktop on and is sporting a new tattoo on his bicep that simply reads "Hecho En Mexico". Corral slides into the ring and grabs a microphone. Mike: First off, you people will not have to go through another Snitsky match, because we took care of those f***ing gringos before I came out here. Now, unless you haven't been watching EWT (and if not, shame on you!) you already know that MiniPax and The Cidal Squad both hate me and Chad. And let's face it, we're not exactly fond of them as well. But you see, Chad and I can fight against them until the day we die, but the fact reamoins that MiniPax has nine members and the Cidal Squad has four. One, Indigo, Clay, Jason Jackass, Jack Jackass, Jimmy Ass-Backwards, The Midnight Mid-s***, and the b*** that makes Melina seem like the girl next door, Terina. And let's not forget, they're brainwashing Redface Rodgers as we speak. And then we have The Cidal Squad. Andy Douche, Johnathon Dipstick, Alexis Whatshername, that freaky furry who I already beat, and last but not least, Mike F***ing Ragnal. Mike spits the words out with anger. But, there is hope. Two men that have decided that we will not stnad by while these two try to destroy EWT. Mike Corral and Chad Michaels, Rated X, are trying to save this company by taking on both groups. Unfortunately for us, it's 14 against 2. And sure, Chad and I can fight until the day we die, but the fact remains that we cannot do this alone. That's why I've called la familia in, to help even the score out a little. "We Be Jumpin" starts to play as two men walk out, clad in Mexican gear. The first one stands at about 6"2 and is wearing a red bandana covering everything below the eyes, a black tanktop with Che Guevara on the front, and black pants with the Puerto Rican flag on the right and "Rated X" on the left in red, white, and blue graffitti. The other man stands at about 6"10, and is wearing a black bandana regular style, a white tanktop, and black pants with the Mexican flag on the left and "Rated X" in red, white, and green graffitti. Both men slide in as the shorter man makes the Straightedge pose as the taller man simply stnads there, arms folded. THe camera cuts to Mike, who has a small smirk on his face. Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, the NEWEST members of Rated X, Mi Familia, Genocide and L.A. Riot!! Genocide: ¿Qué está arriba amigos? ¡OLE! Mike: Genocide doesn't really know English that well, but it's cool. L.A. Riot: ¡Al infierno con usted personas! Mike: Riot can speak English, but he's pissed off at Americans for some strange reason. L.A. Riot: ¡Mi familia está en la cárcel a causa de la policía! Mike: Right, right. His family was arrested because they were trying to get into the U.S. But that's not the point. The point is that Rated X will not sit back and watch as MiniPax and The Cidal Squad take over. We are the resistance towards them, and we will NEVER let them take over!! Genocide: ¡OLE! Mike: But, we can't do it alone. THe fact remains that it's 14 to 4, and we're still outnumbered. So right now, I'm talking to the boys in the back. What I'm saying to you is simple: Join us. Be apart of the people that are standing up to the threat that is MiniPax and the Cidal Squad. Stand up and take arms agains those that want to oppress you and rule over you. Right now, you have a choice. If MiniPax takes over, you have no choice at all. "We Be Jumpin" begins to play as Mike, Genocide, and L.A. Riot all exit the ring and slaps hands with the fans as we fade to a commercial.
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Bedlam LadyD
Samurai Cop
Is a WSX Cupcake. BOOOOOOOM!!
Posts: 2,452
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Post by Bedlam LadyD on Jul 27, 2007 19:56:26 GMT -5
*Spyke is sitting in his locker room, miffed at the current PPV line up, judging from the date on the calender on the back wall, this segment had happened around a week earlier. * *Suddenly, an outburst of yelling can be heard from outside his door.* I don't care what the smurf you have to do, just keep Madi away from that lighter! *Spyke turns around and faces the door, but is afraid to open it* "So I'm guessing she got the lighter judging from that loud noise... Oh, really? Just a firework? Cool. Okay, I'll bring some food later, catch ya, sis. *A cellphone can be heard clanging shut. A boot's loud clang on the floor can be heard followed by a screech.* Ow!... Dieser Schmerz..... *Spyke slowly opens the door and pokes his head out* Spyke: Hello? *Synthy's sprawled on the floor, glaring a mysteriously placed DDR mat. She looks up, and raises an eyebrow at Spyke.* This yours? Spyke: Ummm, yeah. Why do you have it? Syn: I just tripped over it, you putz... Spyke: *rolls eyes* Jeez. *Grabs mat and brings it into locker room* Synthy: *Stands up, and throws her cell back into her pocket, after a moment she follows Spyke.* Syn: ... Spyke: Sorry, not exactly in the best of moods right now. Syn: Why would that be, Spyke? *She has her arms crossed, and an eyebrow raised. Oddly enough, she seems to be trying to be sociable.* Spyke: Well, I'm facing Jack Jupiter for a #1 Contenders shot at the Toolshed Title at "Old School." Of course I'm gonna win that and face Voltigeur. BUT! Toomi already booked me for the PPV against some... new guy. Some Ronnie Cordova. A frat guy who loves to rollerdisco, what the hell? Syn: *other eyebrow raises* ..So you got doublebooked? Seriously though, that one against the frat bot ought to be easy. Just throw a beer and make him lose by a countout. Spyke: Yeah, I guess you're right. What about you, looking forward to your match against Juri? Syn: Er, what? I got booked against Juri? I haven't seen the board yet. *Spyke shows Synthy a Xerox copy he made of the "Old School" card* Synthy: *Grabs it form his hand.* Sweet. Ah, I must say though, I feel a bit sad for Terina though. Madison's a maniac, but ..can't wait for my match. Did you see the one I had with her at CAM? Spyke: Yeah. That damned Cassinova interfered and ruined a perfectly good match. Syn:....Cassinova..I'd wring his neck if I could do so without consequence. He's a vile irritant. Spyke: I'd like to be the one to take that title off him a knock him down a peg. But I've already got too much stuff going on now. Syn: Ah, I get the feeling that since that's what you think at the moment, by the end of the week, you'll be bored. Spyke: What are you saying? Syn: Judging from what I know of you so far, Spyke, your attitude will have changed. And you'll be back to slurping Slushies and playing DDR in no time. Spyke: Well of course I will. That's how I train. Syn: Eh, funny thing is, I sort of do the same. *Spyke gives her a look* Syn: What? I also do vertical situps and run five laps a day. Slushies and DDR help keep the edge off. Spyke: I see. Well I got 2 DDR pads here, and the concession stand down the hall and around the corner has some good slushies. Syn:..They sell slushies here? I always stick around the Pepsi machines.. Spyke: Stick with me, kid. I can teach ya a thing or two. Syn:Aren't I older then you? Spyke: Exactly! Syn: I think someone spiked your slushie. Spyke: Someone "Spyked" my slushie! CLASSIC! Syn: Oh geez. *She palm slaps her forehead* Maybe Joe's rubbing off on me? Spyke: Come on! Race you to the slushie stand! *Spyke bolts out of the locker room screaming "SLUSHIIIIIEEEEEE!"* Syn:...Why me? Seriously...Hey...hold up. *Races after Spyke* I want a slushie! *Fade to commercial*
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Jul 27, 2007 20:43:04 GMT -5
Comedian: Hi, I’m “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. I like Star Wars, ice cream, and redheads. I just recently came to EWT, but I haven’t had a lot of success. So, to turn that around, I have decided to get a manager. But, now I gotta get one. So, the question is WHO’S GONNA MANAGE ME!!!!? *A short montage of the Comedian training and wrestling is shown while cheesy rock music is playing, ending with the Comedian pouring water over his head.* Comedian: WHO’S GONNA MANAGE ME!!!!? Announcer: Presented by Dr. Pepper. *We open on a small room. The contestants are standing in the room. A camera is set up on a tripod. Then, the Comedian and Sum Guy come walking in.* Comedian: Good morning campers. Sum Guy: Wait, you’re making them stay at a camp? Comedian: It’s a joke, you idiot! Sum Guy: Oh, sorry. Comedian: Anyway, today, you will all cut promos describing me and how good I am. To help us out, I have brought in my friend, Jack McGee. Sum Guy: I should point out that my name is actually Sum Guy. Michelle: Then, why did he call you “Jack McGee”? Sum Guy: Mr. Riggs thinks that “Sum Guy” is a stupid name. Michelle: Well, I can’t argue with him on that. *Everyone laughs a little, except for Sum Guy.* Comedian: *laughs* That’s funny. Anyway, let’s begin. We’ll start with the Doctor of Thuganomics! Sum Guy: JOHN CENA’S HERE! Cena: Not exactly. *walks up to Sum Guy and Riggs.* Sum Guy: You’re not John Cena! Cena: Yes, I am! Well, I’m not John Cena, the WWE Champion; but my name is John Cena. Sum Guy: Well, that must be great! Cena: It’s not. Comedian: Yeah, this John Cena doesn’t like the other John Cena, along with other white people. Cena: Ugh! For the love of God, I don’t hate white people! Sum Guy: You hate white people!? Cena: I just said I don’t have white people! Comedian: Damn! Denial comes out of your body like sweat! Sum Guy: Well, I can understand hating white people, but I don’t understand how anyone could hate John Cena. He’s nice, kind, and huggable! *Everyone just stares at Sum Guy.* Sum Guy: What? Comedian: OH MY GOD! You are…just…uh, let’s begin. Sum Guy: Okay. *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with John Cena, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Cena, just what makes Riggs so good? Cena: Well, for starters, he’s funny. He has come up with a new comedy act. No one has seen anything like this since the Three Stooges. I mean, he’s so funny that he can get people to laugh by just beating people up. And, speaking of beating people up, he does that very well. His moveset is packed with a wide variety of wrestling holds and maneuvers. No 6 Moves of Doom for this guy! You hear that, John Cena! He has more moves than you do. He can out wrestle you. He can run circles around you. He can break you in half. Hell, he could probably kill you; but he won’t even try because he knows that’s illegal. Sum Guy: Okay, so, just how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT? Cena: Easy. I’m going to keep him focused. The Comedian will have three goals to achieve here—1. To be the funniest man in the company, which he most likely has already achieved. 2. To be the best wrestler in the company, which he probably already has wrapped up. And, 3. To become the EWT Champion, which shouldn’t be that hard for him to do. Comedian: Okay, that’s enough. That was pretty good. Though, it did come off as a little generic; and you did seem to be a little obsessed with the other John Cena. Cena: OBSESSED! Am I “obsessed with Cena” because I go to all the events Cena’s at? Am I “obsessed with Cena” because I follow him to his rooms at hotels and planes at airports? Am I “obsessed with Cena” because I stand outside by his house for hours? Comedian: Yes, that is OBSESSED WITH CENA! My God, what is wrong with you!? Cena: Nothing, and you or that stupid court-appointed psychiatrist can’t prove it! Comedian: WOW! Anyway, I’m giving you 4 points for that. You can go stand over there with the other contestants. Principal Pain, you’re up. *Cena walks back to where he was standing. Pain walks up to the Comedian and Sum Guy.* Comedian: Hello, Principal Pain. How are things going in the world of education? Pain: As fine as ever I suppose. No real problems on my end. Comedian: Well, that’s fantastic. Anyway, let’s begin. Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Principal Pain, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Pain, just what makes Riggs so good. Pain: What makes Mr. Riggs look so good?! Are you idiotic...well, actually you most likely are. Well then, are you blind?! Do you not see the aura of brilliance radiating of this prospect of mine?! He is a pillar of absolute greatness, a comical man with a sick and effective dark persona beneath. A man who could rip off your arm and laugh about it only moments later. A being that could kick your pathetic ass around the arena, chuckling up a storm all the while. He is a true athlete, one who enjoys each and every moment of punishment that he brings about. Not only that, but he has ME BEHIND HIM! EVERYONE THAT I HAVE COME IN CONTACT WITH HAS REACHED GREATNESS AT SOME POINT! EVERY PERSON I HAVE MANAGED HAS RISEN TO THE TOP OF THE PROVERBIAL MOUNTAIN AND PROVED TO THE ENTIRE POPULATION BACKSTAGE JUST HOW DAMN SKILLED THEY TRUELY ARE! Mr. Riggs is no exception to this rule and very soon, he shall show you that with him at my side... his pathetic opponents will weep and soil themselves just at the mention of his name. Sum Guy: Okay, so, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT? Pain: Simply enough you pathetic moron. All I need to accomplish this is to simply set him loose on each and every miserable opponent and watch him rip them to shreds. This man right here, he is the lion and I am his tamer. With my judgment, advice, and strategy and his own ruthless wave of blood lust and destruction...EVERY MISERABLE MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD WILL QUAKE WHEN I BRING MR. RIGGS TO THE VERY PEAK OF THE WORLD OF EWT! We will destroy every miserable roach in our path until Mr. Riggs here has become a man at the top of the food chain, namely the EWT Champion. THEN HE'LL PROBABLY STAB ME IN THE BACK JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! JUST LIKE EVERY DAMN PROSPECT THAT I HAVE EVER DEVOTED MY TIME... *Pain quickly covers his mouth and stops himself, realizing he's going on another rant* Pain:...Oh damn it, I'm doing it again. Let me just sum it up with this...with my guidance and Mr. Riggs’s impeccable skills, he will become the greatest grappler the EWT has ever known. Comedian: Well, that was really good, if I do say so myself. Pain: Thank you, I suppose. I've always been skilled on the proverbial "stick." Comedian: Well, I think I’ll give you 5 points for that. Pain: Excellent... though I expected no less. Comedian: Okay, you can go back to where you were. Harry Caray, your turn. *Pain strolls off again, again, quite proud of his efforts, giving everyone else a rather smug look. Harry Caray walks up to Sum Guy and Riggs.* Sum Guy: Hey! You look like Harry Caray. Caray: I am Harry Caray! Sum Guy: Wait, you’re Harry Caray, the Cubs Announcer! Caray: Yeah! That’s me! Sum Guy: But, aren’t you suppose to be dead!? Caray: Really!? I didn’t even know I was sick! Sum Guy: *turns to Riggs* Who is this guy? Where did you find him!? Comedian: He just showed up, out of nowhere. Just go along with it, Jack. Sum Guy: Alright. *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Harry Caray, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Caray, just what makes Riggs so good. Caray: Well, he’s a great player. He has a great arm with a 95 mile per hour fastball. And, he can hit, too. Sometimes he hits the ball 300, 400 feet. And, he’s not crazy! *long pause* Say, Sum Guy, if you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself? Sum Guy: What!? Caray: It’s a simple question—if you were a hotdog and in the desert starving, would you eat yourself? Sum Guy: No. Caray: Why not? Sum Guy: That would be suicide to eat yourself…I can’t believe I just said that. Comedian: Keep going. Sum Guy: Right. So, just how are you going to take The Comedian to the top of EWT? Caray: Well, I would get some guidance from some smart guys. You know, bring in Dusty Baker or Lou Piniella to give him some pointers. Hell, I might bring it Ernie Banks to teach him a few things. *long pause* Hey, Sum Guy, have you ever eaten a baseball? Sum Guy: No. Caray: I have. They’re delicious. Sum Guy: *turns to Riggs* What in the hell is wrong with this guy? Comedian: I don’t know. Caray: So, how’d I do? Comedian: Well, that was definitely original. I’m going to give you 3 points for that. Caray: Great. Say have you ever swum naked in a pool of beer? Comedian: No, but for some strange reason I want to do that. *long pause* Anyway, you can go stand over there where you were. Coach O’Hare, it’s your turn. *Caray walks back to where he was standing. O’Hare walks up to the Comedian and Sum Guy.* Comedian: Hello, Coach. Are you and your boys getting their vitamins? O'Hare: *sighs* Give it a rest will ya? Comedian: NEVER!!!! Anyway, let’s begin. Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Coach O’Hare, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, O’Hare, just what makes Riggs so good? O'Hare: Just look at him! This lad has all the potential in the world! There's not a thing he can't do inside that ring. He's got the strength, he's got the speed, he's got the technical ability & he's not afraind to bend the rules a wee bit if he knows it'll get the job done! That's why he's got future Ox-Division…no, no, no…Tri-State…no, no, no…EWT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION written all over him! Sum Guy: Alright, so, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT? O'Hare: Do you want a review of my track-record? Sum Guy: Not really... O'Hare: *continues talking over Sum Guy* Within 6 months of Team Ireland's debut in EWT, I helped Aidan & Sean secure the EWT World Tag-Team titles! They held onto those titles for 5 straight months! 140 days! The longest tag-team title reign in EWT history! During that period we bested everyone! The Sunshine Squad, Raskall & Trunk, Midget King & Co., Ultimo Dragon & I don't care what that cow Terina says, we beat TJT as well! Shane Malone is undefeated... well, except for Crauswell, Ultimo Chocula & Jesse Nunez... Sum Guy: Who? O'Hare: Precisely! Any advantage they may have had is long gone while Shane's impact remains undiluted. That's all down to MY managerial skill! Who took Paul Podanski out of EWT? Team Ireland! Who scared the Prophecy Reborn into retirement? Team Ireland! It's the same style of management that I will bring to The Comedian! His opponents will fall before him! Championship gold will be around his waist! And all who stand in his way will fade into obscurity! Because YOU WILL NEVER BEAT... Ummm... THE COMEDIAN!Comedian: Well, that was nice. I’ll give you 4 points for that. I would have given you 1 more point if you had mentioned that other “thing” you brought in to help make Team Ireland so successful. O'Hare: Hey now, less of that crap, heh? Sean & Aidan are hardly huge guys! Comedian: Oh, I can take one look at Shane Malone & I know he wouldn't get past the Wellness Program! O'Hare: Y'know Riggs, your not exactly a small fella yerself! Comedian: *long pause* Moving on...Sandra Worthington, you’re up.
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Jul 27, 2007 20:43:36 GMT -5
*O’Hare walks back to where he was. Sandra walks up to Riggs and Sum Guy.*
Sandra: Hi, I’m Sandra Worthington.
*She holds out here right hand. Sum Guy takes here hand and shakes it. He soon notices here big breasts and continues to shake it for a while.*
Sandra: Um, you must really like to shake hands.
Sum Guy: What!? Oh, sorry. I zoned out there for a minute. *lets go of Sandra’s hand*
Comedian: I’ll bet you did. Anyway, are you ready, Mrs. Worthington?
Sandra: Yes, and it’s Ms. Worthington.
Comedian: Ooooh, you’re single. Well, that’s nice to hear.
Sandra: Why’s that?
Comedian: Um…no reason. Anyway, begin!
Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Sandra Worthington, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Ms. Worthington, just what makes Riggs so good? *stares at her breasts*
Sandra: Well, you see…he’s…um…he’s…no, um…dammit! I’m sorry. I have to be honest with you—I’m trying to describe the Comedian to you, but I can’t. It’s not that I’m stupid. Oh no, I’m not! The problem is that he is so unique. I could say that he is wonderful, spectacular, a great wrestler, and a funny guy. However, that is just a bunch of generic crap that does describe Bobby to a small degree, but it doesn’t fully describe him. He’s no mere wrestler. He can beat people up with some power moves. He can hit people with a wide variety of submission holds and technical wrestling maneuvers. And, he can fly off and over the top rope like he weight nothing at all. As for his comedy act, it is the most original comedy act to come out in years. I mean, he gets the audience to laugh by beating people up. This isn’t like the Three Stooges, who used violence for comedic effect—this is actual violence getting laughs. And, it’s very good. In fact, it is too good for your typical comedy club. Plus, you can’t beat people up in a comedy club—it’s illegal. Anyway, Bobby Riggs is just…he’s just indescribable by normal words. Hell, someone much smarter than me would have to come up with words to describe him. That’s how good he is.
Sum Guy: *still staring at her breasts* So, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT?
Sandra: With my brains, of course. I am a very smart person. I was valedictorian of my class at Harvard. I worked for IBM. But, I am here in EWT because, when I first saw Bobby Riggs, I knew he could go places; and I knew I could take him there. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying he’s stupid. Mr. Riggs is a very smart man, but he needs someone to lighten his load. He needs someone to handle the business aspect of things so he can focus more on the wrestling aspects of things. And, that is were I step it. My brains and assets *cups her breasts* will get him there. Like I said—I’m not stupid. I know I can’t do it on brains alone. And, practically everybody stares at my body. Hell, you haven’t stopped staring at my breasts ever since this interview started.
Sum Guy: *looks up* I’m sorry, what?
Sandra: Exactly. Anyway, I have been using my body to get what I wanted for years. And, I figure it could work here. So, to reiterate, it will be my brains and sex appeal that will get Bobby Riggs to the top of EWT.
Comedian: Wow! That was impressive!
Sandra: Really!?
Comedian: Yes, that was very good. I especially like the part where you cupped your breasts.
Sum Guy: Me too!
Comedian: Anyway, I’m going to give you 5 points.
Sandra: Oh, thank you, very much.
Comedian: You’re welcome. Now, go back to where you were. Okay, it is Anonymous’s turn.
*Caray walks back to where he was standing. O’Hare walks up to the Comedian and Sum Guy.*
Comedian: Hello, Anonymous. How’s the social life?
Anonymous: Yeah, I don't think that's a good question, what with the trial coming up and everything.
Comedian: Okay, let’s just begin.
Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Anonymous, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Anonymous, just what makes Riggs so good?
Anonymous: I'll tell you what’s so good. Bobby Riggs is like BattleToads. You go into a match with him, expecting it to be a walk in the park, but once you get to level 3, BAM! He rapes you in the ass until you give up! And then, you try again later, but you get raped again! No matter how hard you try, you'll never figure out who he is, or what he entails. I have run out of things to say about Riggs, so I'll stop talking now.
Sum Guy: Alright, so, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT?
Anonymous: Well, we'll have to start out small. Curly Long will have to be first, as he's the smallest. Then, we'll work our way up the ladder, facing guys like John Valentine and Mahivir Abha. Eventually, we'll have to do something outrageous to get attention, so we might have to do something illegal, like makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
Comedian: Well, that will do. Okay, you mentioned BattleToads and rapped the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I just one thing to say to that—AWESOME!
Anonymous: I did what now?
Comedian: Don’t you remember what you just said?
Anonymous: I'm sorry, when I use all my resources, my power level dips UNDER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comedian: 9,000!!!! Um, sorry. I got carried away. Well, anyway, I’ll give you 4 points for that. I’m taking a point off for the rape thing. That was a little too much.
Anonymous: It seems I only get 4s. Damnit, I should get a 5 eventually!
Comedian: Hey, don’t worry! The contest ain’t over! There’s still time. Anyway, you can go back to the spot you were standing on. Michelle, come on down.
*Anonymous walks back to where he was standing. Michelle walks over to Sum Guy and Riggs.*
Comedian: And, how are you today?
Sum Guy: Oh, I’m doing okay. Though, I have to wonder why it took you so long to ask me that.
Comedian: I was talking to Michelle, you dolt.
Sum Guy: Oh, but still, you should have asked me sooner.
Comedian: I didn’t ask you because I know how you’re doing. I can see it in your eyes—you say you’re doing okay, but you actually feel terrible because you hate your job and wish you were running the company.
Sum Guy: Oh…you really go from my eyes!?
Comedian: Yes, they’re the windows to the soul, my friend. Anyway, how are you Michelle?
Michelle: Fine. Can we get this over with?
Comedian: Yes. You may begin.
Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Michelle *to the Comedian* What’s her last name?
Comedian and Michelle: McCarthy.
Sum Guy:…McCarthy, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Michelle, just what makes Riggs so good?
Michelle: Richard Pryor. Lenny Bruce. George Carlin. Those three men were revolutionary comedians whose comedic acts had never been seen before. Now, you can add another name to that list—Bobby Riggs. His comedy act is just as good and as revolutionary as theirs. Hell, in some ways, it is superior. Now, you people at home, sitting naked in a bean bag chair and eating Cheetos, are probably wondering what this new comedy act is about; and I’m going to tell you—comedic violence. Basically, he beats people up; and you laugh. Now, I know it doesn’t sound all that funny; but he can get you to laugh at him hitting people with a steel chair. Hell, the Three Stooges made a career out of that. But, Riggs isn’t merely hitting people in funny ways. No, he is actually beating the living crap out of people in order to get the audience in the arenas and you people at home to laugh. And, eve though people aren’t laughing on the outside, they sure as hell are laughing on the inside.
Sum Guy: Laughing on the inside?
Michelle: Yes, because people are barbarians. Just look at the news, TV, movies, etc. Violence is all over the place. People practically see it everyday. They are bombarded with images of dead bodies and gunfights on an almost constant basis. They are use to it, and Riggs just figures that they are so use to it that eventually they will start to laugh at it. Though, people don’t want to admit that. They don’t want to laugh at people getting beaten up, but they know it’s funny. So, they pretend not to laugh because it is the civilized thin to do. But, what people fail to realize is that they are barbarians. They have no problem seeing people get hurt painfully on TV, but they would throw a fuss if a woman’s boob was shown on TV. I mean, most people are repulsed by sex, which brings about life, and approve of violence, which brings about death. Anybody who would uphold people being shot higher than people making love is a barbarian. Hell, that person and others who feel the same way are WORSE than barbarians because at least the barbarians liked to have sex. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Bobby Riggs knows you people think violence is funny, and he’s going to keep show you more and more violence until you eventually you realize just how sick and depraved you really are. And, when that day happens, you will let out a chuckle.
Sum Guy:…Okay. So, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT?
Michelle: That’s easy. I’m just going to let him do what he does best—kiss ass and make people laugh. You see, I’m really nothing more than an insurance policy. Bobby can pretty much do things on his own. However, there are time when he might need some help getting out of a jam. That’s where I come in. I’m just here to make sure Bobby is treated fairly, wins matches that he deserves to win, and get championship opportunities.
Comedian: That was good. That was very good.
Michelle: Thanks.
Comedian: I really liked your description of my comedy act. You really go what I want to do with it. How did you know that? Are you psychic?
Michelle: No, I’m just good at reading people.
Comedian: You certainly are. I’m going to give 5 points for that.
Michelle: Thanks. Does this mean I’m suppose to go stand where I was standing?
Comedian: Yes. Terina, your turn.
*Michelle walks back to where she was standing. Terina walks up to the Comedian and Sum Guy.*
Comedian: Hello, Terina. So, since you’ll be the final, does this mean we have saved the best for last?
Terina: I lead the greatest tag team in EWT to greatness...what do YOU think?
Comedian: Okay, let’s do this.
Sum Guy: *looks at the camera* I’m Sum Guy, and I am standing here with Terina, the manager of “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Now, tell me, Terina, just what makes Riggs so good?
Terina: What doesn't make Bobby Riggs "so good?" Absolutely nothing! Bobby here is a mountain of a man, so overpowering him...well, you're not going to! Nobody is. He's a technical masterpiece: rightfully so. With his technique, he'll lock you in 20 different holds before you even know you're in the same match as him! His wits: overwhelming. Not only does he have an impeccable comedic mind--rightfully so!--he also knows his way around the ring, so trying to outsmart him is a losing effort. All in all...you're doomed to fail any way!
Sum Guy: Alright, so, how are you going to lead The Comedian to the top of EWT?
Terina: ...what? No really...WHAT? Why should I tell you?! Why would I tell YOU our plans for success? What do you take me for? Some braindead bimbo like all the other ladies around here I've seen? Oh well, not like you'd even have the intelligence to utilize such information. I'd be wasting my breath though...so that pretty much cancels out any and all reason for you to know! All I'll say besides that is....you--and the rest of the EWT roster--will be gasping for air: as it'll leave you breathless!
Comedian: I liked it. It was short but sweet. I’m going to give you five points for that.
Terina: A score fitting for me: perfect!
Cena: Hey! How come the girls always seem to get five points?
Comedian: Because they’re good.
Cena: Really, because I think it’s because they have!
Comedian: And, I think you hate the other John Cena because he’s white!
Cena: Oh, for the love of God, I DON’T HATE WHITE PEOPLE!!!!
Comedian: YES, YOU DO. YOU’RE A RACIST!
Cena: NO, I’M NOT!!!!
Comedian: AND, COACH O’HARE IS A JUICER!!!!
O’Hare: YOU DON’T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE…I mean, no, I’m not!
Comedian: AND, ANONYMOUS IS A PEDOPHILE!!!!
Anonymous: WHO TOLD YOU!?...I mean, no, I’m not!
Comedian: AND, PRINCIPAL PAIN IS A LITTLE TEAPOT SHORT AND STOUT!!!!
Pain: What!?
Comedian: AND, “HARRY CARAY” IS SOME CRAZY GUY WHO THINKS HE’S THE ACTUAL CUBS ANNOUNCER HARRY CARAY!!!!
Caray: Hey, Mr. Riggs, have you ever wanted to have sex with a pretzel?
Comedian: AND, TERINA HAS NICE HAIR!!!!
Terina: Thanks!
Comedian: AND, SANDRA WORTHINGTON HAS BIG BOOBS!!!!
Sandra: Um, was that suppose to be an accusation? Because any can just look at my chest and see I have big boobs. And, they’re real by the way.
Comedian: AND, MICHELLE MCCARTHY IS…UM…OKAY, I DON’T WHAT SHE IS; BUT SHE’S SOMETHING!!!!
Michelle: Um, thanks!?
Comedian: AND, SUM GUY IS A VIRGIN!!!!
Sum Guy: HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY DIARY!?...I mean, no, I’m not!
Comedian: *randomly pointing at people* AND, YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER! AND, YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER!!!!
Cena: What the hell is going!?
Comedian: AND, NOBODY CAN BEAT ME! NOT THE ROAD WARRIORS, NOT RICKY MARTEL, NOT THE FABULOUS FREEBIRDS, NOT RICKY MARTEL! I CAN’T HELP THAT I’M CUSTOM MADE! SO, WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!! *walk off camera* AND, THE DOOR’S LOCKED, TOO!!!!
*Everyone just stares in stunned silence, until Sum Guy finally speaks.*
Sum Guy: Well, that was interesting. *to the contestants* So, who wants to go to Chili’s?
*The contestants look at him in disgust and walk off.*
Sum Guy: Well, I guess this ends this edition of the Comedian’s WHO’S GONNA MANAGE ME!!!!? Contest.
*The Comedian walks back on camera and stands next to Sum Guy, staring at him intently.*
Sum Guy: *nervously* Um, do have anything else to say, Mr. Riggs?
Comedian: NO MORE QUESTIONS!!!! *walks off camera*
*This graphic shows up on the screen:
Sandra Worthington: 15 points Michelle McCarthy: 15 points Terina: 15 points Coach O’Hare: 13 points Anonymous: 12 points John Cena: 10 points Principal Pain: 9 points Harry Caray: 7 points
Cut to commercial*
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Post by Mella Drom Attoc on Jul 28, 2007 5:56:17 GMT -5
"If I were a rich girl- nananananaa!"
JBL: As if my day couldn't get anyone worse.
Cole: I HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, IF I WAS A WEALTHY GIRL.....
JBL: ...You make me sick.
Coming Attractions Productions' favorite drama queen pops out from behind the curtain. She's smiling, blowing kisses, and generally causing nausea everywhere with that sickeningly sweet grin. Mella's doing a perfect imitation of a certain video games' 'Generic Diva' entrance. She reaches the ropes, and steps through the second and third ropes, careful not to get her cape dirty. She sticks her tongue out at the already-waiting Mickie James, and hands her cape to the ref as he goes to get the bell rung. As his back is turned- Mella quickly jabs two fingers into the eyes of Mickie.
Cole: Look, Mella tried to help Mickie with an eye lash.
JBL: Are you out of your mind?
DING DING DING.
The match officially starts.
Mella giggles when Mickie's hands grasp her eyes. Mella follows up against the preoccupied crowd favorite with a headlock takedown. She brushes her hands through her hair and waves at the audience. Miss Attoc fails to see Mickie standing up, but definitely notices when James hits her with a Tornado DDT!
JBL: Please be it!
Cole: OH MY! WHAT A MOVE!
1
2
-Mella scrambles out! Mickie hits her with a sharp elbow, and gets her back on her back with a fireman's carry. She stomps Mella in the chest-
JBL: Of course not... Get her, Mickie! Don't let her win!
Cole: Baised much?
JBL: Are you a girl?!
"AUGGH!" Mella's scream echoes. Mickie rolls her eyes and picks her up. Mella's cowering and even has her hands in front of her face. Mickie races toward her, but Mella rolls out of the way, scrambles up, and manages to yank Mickie into a collision course with the turnbuckle! Mella jumps for joy and drags Mickie down into a schoolboy pin.
JBL: PLEASE NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
1
2
JBL: Oh thank god.
-Mickie jumps out of the hold and firmly plants an arm trap neckbreaker slam onto Mella!
JBL: YES! TAKE HER OUT!
Cole: ....I'm a girl?
JBL: .....what?
1
2
-Mella's foot hits the ropes and she slides out of the ring before Mickie can damage her any further. Mella sticks her tongue out again, before reaching through the ropes and yanking Mickie's feet out from under her! Attoc steps back in, brushing herself off, and hits Mickie with a legdrop. She follows up with her 'Diamond Superior'.
JBL: What...is...going....on.....?
Cole: Mella's winning?
JBL: SHUT UP!
1
2
-Mickie Breaks free of the hold. However, Mickie does look a bit confused. She stands up and stares down at Mella- who kicks her in the gut and runs to the nearest turnbuckle! The crowd wonders what the hell she's doing. She blows a kiss and hits a –wooden looking- hurricanrana! It's the 'Closer to the Stars'! Mella looks even more surpassingly pleased with herself then normal. She pulls up Mickie, and lands her Prima Donna DDT.
JBL: Oh my god....no.... PLEASE NO!
1
2
3!
Cole: YAY! MELLA WON!
JBL: SHUT UP, COLE!
Mella's won the match, much to the dismay of the audience. She jumps up and down- and 'accidentally' lands on Mickie. She steps off with an 'Aw, did I do that? I'm sorry...' look that quickly changes into a smile. She steps out of the ring and places that pink and teal cape back over her shoulders. She takes the mic from the announcer.
JBL: I'm in hell...
Cole: SHE'S GOING TO SPEAK! YAY!
"Darlings! Keep it in mind that I'm as talented in the ring as I am acting-wise. So, to those 'female wrestlers' in the back, your Diva has arrived, and she's taking charge! Ahaha.-"Mella giggles, and continues." To the audience, bring out whatever meager wine you drink and celebrate my match. I know you will anyway! Ta-ta, dahlings!"
She drops the mic and struts away to her music.
JBL: Thankfully, that's over.
Cole: Let's replay it again!
JBL: ...I hate you... I really do.
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Jul 28, 2007 10:52:03 GMT -5
We open up to Jonathan Doe and Andy Duke, backstage. A graphic comes up in the lower left-hand corner, stating that they are in Liverpool, England.
Duke: Hello Cidal Fans, Your EWT Tag team champs here, back in England again. Y'see, our match with Taylor and Burchill was supposed to take place earlier this week, but we needed to come stateside for the induction of our newest member, Crauswell. Craus has achieved quite a bit of success while in EWT, and I'm sure his tenure with the Cidal Squad will be no different. But we're not here on your TV's to talk about that right now. We are here to right some wrongs made by the team known as TJT. But before we do that, we have a little skit of our own. But unlike you, Thunder, Jupiter & Terina, its not going to be all showy, because we'd rather be show-offs in the ring. OK, Jonathan you ready.
Doe: Yes
Duke: Ok, so am I.
Doe: So, Jupiter and Thunder?
Duke: F***ing retards.
Doe: And Terina?
Duke: She's...a...WHORE!
(after a pause, the camera zooms closer to Duke's face.)
Duke: Many would call their parody of us hard-hitting and scathing. I call it...stupid. Y'see, their research was laughable, to the point where I wasn't sure if I was watching EWT or Geraldo. It's almost like the last Cidal Squad promo they watched was back when it was just Deamon and I. I haven't been hell-bent on destroying EWT since this winter. And I'll let you in on another fact. You insulted my girl. She's not here right now. She's in the next room, preparing for her EWT debut match, but if she was here, she'd definatley give you a piece of her mind. I'll even tell you a secret, one she might be mad at me for telling, but I need to clear the air. You kept on making cracks about her getting around, but the fact of the matter is, I am, how should I put it, her first. I am her one. Her only. She has never been with another man before me, while she was with me, and if I have my way, she'll never need another. Now she's not my first, but thats another story.
(camera zooms back to show both men)
Duke: So, we'll explain the Cidal Montra once more, becuase you obviously need it. But hey, what can we expect from a team comprised of two guys who couldn't pass as literate if their lives depended on it, and a girl who's biggest reads are on the backs of Trojan packages and KY tubes. Actually, Jonathan, you take this one.
Doe: Hijack, Kill, Rule. We have hijacked these belts, we are killing everyone who stands in our way, and soon we'll rule tag team wrestling not just in EWT, but the world. This is the Cidal Squad, signing off saying, if you want to do a parody of us, by all means, do it, but at least get your facts straight.
Duke: Hey, lets go wish Alexa luck in her first match.
(they leave.)
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Post by The Zephyr Brothers on Jul 28, 2007 12:11:58 GMT -5
*The camera cuts to the EWT arena.*
Finkel: The following contest is a tag team match, scheduled for ONE fall! Introducing first...
*The Hart Foundation's music hits, and out come Jim and Bret, to some cheers.*
Finkel: Theeeeeee HART FOUNDATION!
*The two walk to the ring and climb in, taking off their jackets and sunglasses. Their music dies down, and then silence "erupts."*
Finkel: And their opponents...
*"Confrontation" by Clawfinger plays over the speakers, and the Zephyrs rush down to the ring.*
Finkel: From San Francisco, California, at a total combined weight of 405 pounds...Mike and Mark, the ZEPHYR BROTHERS!
*The two Zephyrs slide into the ring. Jim clotheslines Mike, dropping him. Mark rushes at Bret to hit a spear, it would seem. Bret catches him easily, and piledrives him into the mat, then rolls him out of the ring. Mike gets back up, only to be grabbed by the Anvil, and lifted up with the bearhug. Bret runs into the ropes, and back, to hit the Hart Attack! Mike crumples to the mat, and the Anvil slides out of the ring. Bret makes the cover.*
1!
2!
3!
DING DING DING!
Finkel: Here are your winners.....THE HART FOUNDATION!
*Bret gets out of the ring, triumphantly walking back up the ramp with Neidhart as their music plays over. The camera focuses on the two unconscious Zephyr Brothers, before fading out.*
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Jul 28, 2007 18:48:20 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously finishes up the Match Board & admires his work.*
Hmmm...Great Khali, Batista, & Kane. I think that would be PERFECT for oceanic. Let's see her buy her way out of this one. Just imagine, it will definetly give the fans what they want & give her a good cop out for Old School.
*Just then, Ratings approaches.*
Good...just the person I wanted top speak with. Come with me into private please.
*The 2 walk off into Toom E's office.*
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