Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Jun 9, 2007 14:55:28 GMT -5
*A short montage of the Comedian training and wrestling is shown while cheesy rock music is playing, ending with the Comedian pouring water over his head.*
Comedian: WHO’S GONNA MANAGE ME!!!!?
Announcer: Presented by Dr. Pepper.
*Anonymous opens the door.*
Anonymous: Cena, you're next. You must have been a cute kid.
Cena: Sorry, I'm not interested in freaks.
Anonymous: LOOK WHO'S TALKING, N*****!
*Cena punches Anonymous, knocking him out. Then, he picks Anonymous and throws him across the hall. After that, Cena walks into the office, closes the door, and sits down.*
Cena: What a jackass!?
Comedian: I know. So, Mr. Cena, other than the occasional fight with racism, how’s the “Word Life” treating you?
Cena: Will you stop with the Cena jokes!?
Comedian: Oh, lighten up! Anyway, let’s start this test. *grabs the inkblots* These tests will se if you’re mentally stable to participate in this contest.
Cena: Well, that shouldn’t be a problem.
Comedian: Great! Now, let’s begin. We will start with an Inkblot test. I will show you some inkblots, and you will tell me what you see. Comprende?
Cena: Yo!
Comedian: Wonderful! Let’s begin. *holds up the first inkblot*
Cena: That’s John Cena, busted open and blood pouring down his face.
Comedian: You see yourself with a crimson mask.
Cena: No, the other Cena.
Comedian: Oh, that Cena. Gotcha! *writes down answer* Okay, next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being hit with a chair.
Comedian: The other Cena?
Cena: Yes.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena lying unconscious on the mat.
Comedian: Alright. *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown through a window.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown off the Hell In A Cell.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena going through a table.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena going through a flaming table.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown onto thumbtacks.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being whipped with barbwire.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Last one. *holds up the final inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown onto explosives.
Comedian: Um…that’s not an inkblot. That’s Rorschach from Watchmen. I just put that in there to see if you would notice.
Cena: Um…kidding. *nervous laughter*
Comedian: Okay. *looks at Cena like he’s crazy* Let’s move onto part 2—Word Association. *gathers the inkblots and puts them to the side* I’m going to give you a word, and you will tell me the first thing that pops in your head. Okay?
Cena: Okay.
Comedian: *flips paper over* Alright, the first word is rapper.
Cena: Vanilla Ice.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Rocker.
Cena: Jimi Hendrix.
Comedian: *writes down answer* F-U.
Cena: A bad move.
Comedian: *writes down answer* STFU.
Cena: Drop the “U” and you got something.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Workrate.
Cena: Important.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Superman.
Cena: Doomsday.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Didn’t he kill Superman?
Cena: Yes.
Comedian: That’s what I thought. Anyway, next word—underdog.
Cena: Boring.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Women.
Cena: Nice.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Kids.
Cena: Annoying.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Smarks.
Cena: Okay people.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Sex.
Cena: Yes, please. Haha.
Comedian: *writes down answer and laughs* I guess I’m not the only comedian in the room. Anyway, love.
Cena: Good, technical wrestling.
Comedian: You hate yourself!?
Cena: No, the other John Cena.
Comedian: Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that especially after the inkblot test. *writes down answer* Manager.
Cena: Improves people.
Comedian; *writes down answer* Winner.
Cena: John Cena:
Comedian: I thought you hated John Cena.
Cena: No, me.
Comedian: Dammit! I did it, again! *writes down answer* Okay, now to the final portion of the test. *flips paper over* This is a special test developed by Carl Jung.
Cena: Alright! Let’s do it!
Comedian: Okay. Here’s the first question—name a color.
Cena: Blue.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Cool, calm, mysterious.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Okay, next question—name an animal.
Cena: A bear.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Big, mean, and scary.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name a body of water.
Cena: The Mississippi River.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Long, deep, and busy.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Final question—imagine yourself in a room. The walls are completely white. There are no windows and doors. In three words, tell me how that room feels to you.
Cena: Ominous, looming, scary.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer and gathers his papers* That is the test. Looking over it, you look normal. However, you have some strong feeling against the other John Cena. I mean, you said that you hate him; and let’s not forget the inkblot test.
Cena: So!? What’s wrong with not liking John Cena?
Comedian: Well, it could lead to or mean that you hate all white people.
Cena: What!? That’s crazy! I don’t hate white people!
Comedian: Oh, don’t worry. I know how you feel. I mean, I hate white people.
Cena: WHAT!?
Comedian: Yeah! You heard me. I hate white people. I hate those oppressing, no-good, flat ass crackers! Hell, look at my shirt.
*Riggs opens up his coat to reveal a “Kill Whitey!” T-shirt.*
Comedian: Kill Whitey! *holds up a fist*
Cena: But, you are white.
Comedian: Don’t remind me! Anyway, other than hating white people, you are normal.
Cena: I don’t hate white people!
Comedian; And, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Anyway, these tests were also performed so I could get to know you a little bit better. It was very interesting to learn about your hate for John Cena and all white people.
Cena: I don’t hate white people!
Comedian: Whatever. The last part of the test really told me a lot about you. The color part is about you and what you think of yourself. The animal part is other people and what they think about you. The body of water is your sex life. And, the white room part is how you feel about death.
Cena: Well, that’s…something.
Comedian: It sure is. Well, that’s it. You can go. And, send in Terina on your way out.
*Cena walks to the door and opens it.*
Cena: Terina, it's your turn.
Terina: How was it?
Cena: Revealing.
Terina: Well...that's what they all say, especially for jokes like yourself. Hmmmph!
*Cena walks away. Terina enters the office, shuts the door, and sits down.*
Comedian: Hello, Terina.
Terina: Hello, Bobby.
Comedian: Okay, you will now take a psychological test to determine if you're mentally stable to partcipate in the contest.
Terina: Mentally stable? Testing me for that? You're kidding, right? Of course I'm stable. Why, I'm the driving force in the highest impact team in EWT! But go ahead, what do you have in mind? *smiles*
Comedian: Alright, we'll begin with Ink Blots. *grabs the ink blots* I will show you some ink blots and you will tell me what you see. Okay?
Terina: Um...sure. Shoot.
Comedian: Okay, here’s the first one. *holds up the first inkblot*
Terina: Viruses.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Wolf.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Butterfly man.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Fox.
Comedian: Alright. *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Boots.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: An amoeba.
Comedian: Interesting. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Frog.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Fire.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Skull.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Okay, just one more left. *holds up the last inkblot*
Terina: Rorschach.
Comedian: Hey, you got that last one. I just put that in to see if anyone would notice.
Terina: Rorschach? Course I know. Now that Jack's on the road, you learn things about comics really fast. Maybe too fast. Not to mention I read a few copies Jason smuggles with him here and there.
Comedian: So, he’s a comic book nerd, eh?
Terina: *hushed tone* Yeah, I guess you could say that about Jack. Jason's just a lazy reader.
Comedian: Well, now, let's move on to the second part—Word Association. *gathers inkblots and puts them to the sides* I'm going to give you a word, and you will say the first thing that pops in your head. Okay?
Terina: Okay!
Comedian: *flips paper over* Now, here’s the first word—Jupiter.
Terina: Jason.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Thunder.
Terina: Jimmy.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Wrestling.
Terina: Talent.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Yelling.
Terina: Jason during a hangover.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Control.
Terina: Leadership.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Money.
Terina: Power.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Power.
Terina: Money.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Beauty
Terina: Me.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Hair.
Terina: Long.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Make-up.
Terina: Art.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Sex.
Terina: Reproduction.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Love.
Terina: Passion.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Hate.
Terina: Violence.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Manager.
Terina: Me.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Winner.
Terina: Whoever I manage!
Comedian: Great! Now, for the final part of the test. *flips over paper* This is a special test created by Carl Jung.
Terina: Carl Jung, eh? Alright, go ahead.
Comedian: Okay, here’s the first question—name a color.
Terina: Red.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Bold. Deep. Fiery.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name an animal.
Terina: Spider.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Strong. Tough. Constructive.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name a body of water.
Terina: Ocean.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Large. Deep. Bearing.
Comedian: Okay, final question—imagine you're in a room. All the walls are white. There are no windows and doors. In three words, tell me how that room feels to you.
Terina: Plain. Boring. Bland.
Comedian: Okay, that’s it for the test. *gathers papers together* Looking at these results, you are pretty normal.
Terina: Normal? I've always fancied myself as a unique person. But whatever you say!
Comedian: Well, I meant “normal” as in “sane.” You are very unique.
Terina: You know damn well I am! I hate generic.
Comedian: Also, these tests were also necessary to help me to get to know you a little better, especially the Carl Jung part. The color part represents what you think of yourself. The animal part represents how others see you. The body of water part represents your sex life. And, finally, the white room part represents what you think death will be like.
Terina: Passionate...strong...but my sex life? I'm not so sure about that one. Dying is anticlimactic. Not how I live!
Comedian: I didn't think it was. Okay, we're finished here. Terina, it was, as usual, a pleasure.
Terina: Then again, when you're with me, when is it not? *laughs*
*They shake hands, and Terina gets up and walks to the door.*
Comedian: By the way, send in Michelle McCarthy, please.
*Terina opens the door*
Terina: Michelle, you are next.
Michelle: How was it?
Terina: Easy enough. That is, if you're not stupid.
*Terina walks away. Michelle enters the office, closes the door, and sits down.*
Comedian: WHO’S GONNA MANAGE ME!!!!?
Announcer: Presented by Dr. Pepper.
*Anonymous opens the door.*
Anonymous: Cena, you're next. You must have been a cute kid.
Cena: Sorry, I'm not interested in freaks.
Anonymous: LOOK WHO'S TALKING, N*****!
*Cena punches Anonymous, knocking him out. Then, he picks Anonymous and throws him across the hall. After that, Cena walks into the office, closes the door, and sits down.*
Cena: What a jackass!?
Comedian: I know. So, Mr. Cena, other than the occasional fight with racism, how’s the “Word Life” treating you?
Cena: Will you stop with the Cena jokes!?
Comedian: Oh, lighten up! Anyway, let’s start this test. *grabs the inkblots* These tests will se if you’re mentally stable to participate in this contest.
Cena: Well, that shouldn’t be a problem.
Comedian: Great! Now, let’s begin. We will start with an Inkblot test. I will show you some inkblots, and you will tell me what you see. Comprende?
Cena: Yo!
Comedian: Wonderful! Let’s begin. *holds up the first inkblot*
Cena: That’s John Cena, busted open and blood pouring down his face.
Comedian: You see yourself with a crimson mask.
Cena: No, the other Cena.
Comedian: Oh, that Cena. Gotcha! *writes down answer* Okay, next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being hit with a chair.
Comedian: The other Cena?
Cena: Yes.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena lying unconscious on the mat.
Comedian: Alright. *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown through a window.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown off the Hell In A Cell.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena going through a table.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena going through a flaming table.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown onto thumbtacks.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being whipped with barbwire.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Last one. *holds up the final inkblot*
Cena: That’s Cena being thrown onto explosives.
Comedian: Um…that’s not an inkblot. That’s Rorschach from Watchmen. I just put that in there to see if you would notice.
Cena: Um…kidding. *nervous laughter*
Comedian: Okay. *looks at Cena like he’s crazy* Let’s move onto part 2—Word Association. *gathers the inkblots and puts them to the side* I’m going to give you a word, and you will tell me the first thing that pops in your head. Okay?
Cena: Okay.
Comedian: *flips paper over* Alright, the first word is rapper.
Cena: Vanilla Ice.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Rocker.
Cena: Jimi Hendrix.
Comedian: *writes down answer* F-U.
Cena: A bad move.
Comedian: *writes down answer* STFU.
Cena: Drop the “U” and you got something.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Workrate.
Cena: Important.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Superman.
Cena: Doomsday.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Didn’t he kill Superman?
Cena: Yes.
Comedian: That’s what I thought. Anyway, next word—underdog.
Cena: Boring.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Women.
Cena: Nice.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Kids.
Cena: Annoying.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Smarks.
Cena: Okay people.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Sex.
Cena: Yes, please. Haha.
Comedian: *writes down answer and laughs* I guess I’m not the only comedian in the room. Anyway, love.
Cena: Good, technical wrestling.
Comedian: You hate yourself!?
Cena: No, the other John Cena.
Comedian: Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that especially after the inkblot test. *writes down answer* Manager.
Cena: Improves people.
Comedian; *writes down answer* Winner.
Cena: John Cena:
Comedian: I thought you hated John Cena.
Cena: No, me.
Comedian: Dammit! I did it, again! *writes down answer* Okay, now to the final portion of the test. *flips paper over* This is a special test developed by Carl Jung.
Cena: Alright! Let’s do it!
Comedian: Okay. Here’s the first question—name a color.
Cena: Blue.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Cool, calm, mysterious.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Okay, next question—name an animal.
Cena: A bear.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Big, mean, and scary.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name a body of water.
Cena: The Mississippi River.
Comedian: Now, give me three words to describe it.
Cena: Long, deep, and busy.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Final question—imagine yourself in a room. The walls are completely white. There are no windows and doors. In three words, tell me how that room feels to you.
Cena: Ominous, looming, scary.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer and gathers his papers* That is the test. Looking over it, you look normal. However, you have some strong feeling against the other John Cena. I mean, you said that you hate him; and let’s not forget the inkblot test.
Cena: So!? What’s wrong with not liking John Cena?
Comedian: Well, it could lead to or mean that you hate all white people.
Cena: What!? That’s crazy! I don’t hate white people!
Comedian: Oh, don’t worry. I know how you feel. I mean, I hate white people.
Cena: WHAT!?
Comedian: Yeah! You heard me. I hate white people. I hate those oppressing, no-good, flat ass crackers! Hell, look at my shirt.
*Riggs opens up his coat to reveal a “Kill Whitey!” T-shirt.*
Comedian: Kill Whitey! *holds up a fist*
Cena: But, you are white.
Comedian: Don’t remind me! Anyway, other than hating white people, you are normal.
Cena: I don’t hate white people!
Comedian; And, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Anyway, these tests were also performed so I could get to know you a little bit better. It was very interesting to learn about your hate for John Cena and all white people.
Cena: I don’t hate white people!
Comedian: Whatever. The last part of the test really told me a lot about you. The color part is about you and what you think of yourself. The animal part is other people and what they think about you. The body of water is your sex life. And, the white room part is how you feel about death.
Cena: Well, that’s…something.
Comedian: It sure is. Well, that’s it. You can go. And, send in Terina on your way out.
*Cena walks to the door and opens it.*
Cena: Terina, it's your turn.
Terina: How was it?
Cena: Revealing.
Terina: Well...that's what they all say, especially for jokes like yourself. Hmmmph!
*Cena walks away. Terina enters the office, shuts the door, and sits down.*
Comedian: Hello, Terina.
Terina: Hello, Bobby.
Comedian: Okay, you will now take a psychological test to determine if you're mentally stable to partcipate in the contest.
Terina: Mentally stable? Testing me for that? You're kidding, right? Of course I'm stable. Why, I'm the driving force in the highest impact team in EWT! But go ahead, what do you have in mind? *smiles*
Comedian: Alright, we'll begin with Ink Blots. *grabs the ink blots* I will show you some ink blots and you will tell me what you see. Okay?
Terina: Um...sure. Shoot.
Comedian: Okay, here’s the first one. *holds up the first inkblot*
Terina: Viruses.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Wolf.
Comedian: Okay. *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Butterfly man.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Fox.
Comedian: Alright. *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Boots.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: An amoeba.
Comedian: Interesting. *writes down answer* Next. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Frog.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Fire.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Here’s the next one. *holds up another inkblot*
Terina: Skull.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Okay, just one more left. *holds up the last inkblot*
Terina: Rorschach.
Comedian: Hey, you got that last one. I just put that in to see if anyone would notice.
Terina: Rorschach? Course I know. Now that Jack's on the road, you learn things about comics really fast. Maybe too fast. Not to mention I read a few copies Jason smuggles with him here and there.
Comedian: So, he’s a comic book nerd, eh?
Terina: *hushed tone* Yeah, I guess you could say that about Jack. Jason's just a lazy reader.
Comedian: Well, now, let's move on to the second part—Word Association. *gathers inkblots and puts them to the sides* I'm going to give you a word, and you will say the first thing that pops in your head. Okay?
Terina: Okay!
Comedian: *flips paper over* Now, here’s the first word—Jupiter.
Terina: Jason.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Thunder.
Terina: Jimmy.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Wrestling.
Terina: Talent.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Yelling.
Terina: Jason during a hangover.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Control.
Terina: Leadership.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Money.
Terina: Power.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Power.
Terina: Money.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Beauty
Terina: Me.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Hair.
Terina: Long.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Make-up.
Terina: Art.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Sex.
Terina: Reproduction.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Love.
Terina: Passion.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Hate.
Terina: Violence.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Manager.
Terina: Me.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Winner.
Terina: Whoever I manage!
Comedian: Great! Now, for the final part of the test. *flips over paper* This is a special test created by Carl Jung.
Terina: Carl Jung, eh? Alright, go ahead.
Comedian: Okay, here’s the first question—name a color.
Terina: Red.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Bold. Deep. Fiery.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name an animal.
Terina: Spider.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Strong. Tough. Constructive.
Comedian: *writes down answer* Next question—name a body of water.
Terina: Ocean.
Comedian: Now give me three words to describe it.
Terina: Large. Deep. Bearing.
Comedian: Okay, final question—imagine you're in a room. All the walls are white. There are no windows and doors. In three words, tell me how that room feels to you.
Terina: Plain. Boring. Bland.
Comedian: Okay, that’s it for the test. *gathers papers together* Looking at these results, you are pretty normal.
Terina: Normal? I've always fancied myself as a unique person. But whatever you say!
Comedian: Well, I meant “normal” as in “sane.” You are very unique.
Terina: You know damn well I am! I hate generic.
Comedian: Also, these tests were also necessary to help me to get to know you a little better, especially the Carl Jung part. The color part represents what you think of yourself. The animal part represents how others see you. The body of water part represents your sex life. And, finally, the white room part represents what you think death will be like.
Terina: Passionate...strong...but my sex life? I'm not so sure about that one. Dying is anticlimactic. Not how I live!
Comedian: I didn't think it was. Okay, we're finished here. Terina, it was, as usual, a pleasure.
Terina: Then again, when you're with me, when is it not? *laughs*
*They shake hands, and Terina gets up and walks to the door.*
Comedian: By the way, send in Michelle McCarthy, please.
*Terina opens the door*
Terina: Michelle, you are next.
Michelle: How was it?
Terina: Easy enough. That is, if you're not stupid.
*Terina walks away. Michelle enters the office, closes the door, and sits down.*