The 5th Whenever We Feel Like It Scammy Awards

[Toom E. Guci]

Good evening & welcome to the 5th Whenever We Feel Like It Scammy Awards. We are honored to present these awards to you, the viewers of EWT, tonight. After much deliburation, the nominees have been chosen from those you nominated & the winners will be announced right here, right now. But please...hold your speeches to the very end, that way we do not have to interupt your speech to present the next award. Jack Nicholson didn't like it, so neither would you. And now, let's begin:

Best Gimmick

The nominees are
Team Raft-shack
Ferhago Crow
Mahavir Abha
Crauswell

And the winner is
Team Raft-shack

Best Storyline

The nominees are
The Girl Next Door Division Revival
Cassinova & BR Juri Sadamoto
Elementacidal Mike Ragnal
Cassinova & Crauswell

And the winner is
Cassinova & BR Juri Sadamoto

Best Celebrity Appearance

And the nominees are
Jerry Springer
the cast of Sesame Street
Grover
Mahavir Abha & Jasmyne

And the winner is
Grover

Worst Celebrity Appearance

And the nominees are
The Whammy
The cast of High School Musical
Tim Cruis
Coming Attraction productions

And the winners are
the cast of High School Musical

Best Musical Appearance

And the nominees are
Lily-Rose
Anna Tsuchiya
Kid 'n' Play
Bloodhound Gang

And the winner is
Lily-Rose

Worst Musical Appearance

And the nominees are
Lull Songstra
cast of High School Musical Linkin Park
Black Sabbath

and the winner is
Lull Songstra

Best Real World Wrestler Appearance

And the nominees are
Demolition
Dusty Rhodes
Umaga
Mick Foley

And the winner is
Demolition

Worst Real World Wrestler Appearance

And the nominees are
Bull Buchanan
Ashley
Trish Stratus
Mankind

And the winner is Trish Stratus

Best Promo

And the nominees are
Chance Confidence
Synthy & Madison
Mike Ragnal
Cassinova

And the winner is
Cassinova

Best Debut

And the nominees are
TJT
Sigma "GQ" Williams
Ronnie Cordova
Ferhago Crow

And the winner is
Ferhago Crow

Best EWT Return

And the nominees are
Spaz
Mike Ragnal
Limey
Chance Confidence

And the winner is
Limey

Best Injury

And the nominees are

Moxie
Lull Songstra
Jobby's leg injury
Maelstrom eaten by a shark

And the winner is
Jobby's leg injury

Best Tag Team

And the nominees are
Team Raft-shack
TJT
Wrestle Posse
Team ireland

And the winner is
TJT

Best Manager

And the nominees are
Terrina
Coach O'Hare
PsyToni Tenille
Dave Davies

And the winner is
Coach O'Hare

Best Couple

And the nominees are
Lliam O'Neil & Tiffany
Alexa & Andy Duke
Mahavir Abha & Jasmyne
Cassinova & BR Juri Sadamoto

And the winners are
Mahavir Abha & jasmyne

Best EWT Champion

And the nominees are
Mike Ragnal
Cassinova
Joe One
Synthy

And the winner is
Sythny

Best Match

And the nominees are
Leviathon Chamber
Spaz versus Ratings @ Crap-a-mania !!!!
Tag Team Turmoil @ Old School
Synthy versus Madison @ Skies the Limit II

And the winner is
The Tag Team Turmoil @ Old School

Best Fued

And the nominees are
Mike Ragnal versus Joe One
TJT versus Wrestle Posse
Toom E Dangerously versus dorf
Cassinova versus Crauswell

And the winner is
Cassinova versus Crauswell

Best Pay Per View

And the nominees are
Crap-a-mania !!!!
The Skies the Limit II
Old School
Season's Beatings

And the winner is
Crap-a-mania !!!!

Best Pay Per View Line Up

And the nominees are
Season's Beatings
Dead Man Walking
Crap-a-mania !!!!
Saturday Night Special

And the winner is
Crap-a-mania !!!!

Best Pay Per View Name

And the nominees are
At the Soundless Dawn
March 4th, 2007
Dead Man Walking
Old School

And the winner is
March 4th, 2007

Best Booker

And the nominees are
Oceanic
Toom E dangerously
dorf
Curly Long

And the winner is
Oceanic

Best Wrestling Spoof

And the nominees are
Daryl Dragon
Mella Dramatic
Tiffany
PsyToni Tenille

And the winner is
Tiffany

Best Wrestling Name

And the nominees are
Chance Confidence
Marcus Trunk
The Bad Man
Simon Scurvy

And the winner is
Chance Confidence

Best Male Superstar

And the nominees are
Maelstrom
Ultimo Choculo
Spyke Johanson
Cassinova

And the winner is
Cassinova

Best Female Superstar

And the nominees are
Mystery
oceanic
BR Juri Sadamoto
Synthy

And the winner is
BR Juri Sadamoto

Superstar We Miss the Most

And the nominees are
HeartBreak Hitman Brett Micheals
Limey
Spyke Johanson
Draugr

And the winner is
Spyke Johanson

Triple H Hog the Spotlight Award

And the nominees are
Minipax
Ratings
(Un)Great Khali
Boku

And the winner is
(Un)Great Khali

Hulk Hogan Real American Award

And the nominees are
Team Ireland
Boku
Andy Duke
Simon Scurvy

And the winner is
Boku

Jeff Jarrett Sock Puppet Award

And the nominees are
Redface Rodgers
Merc
Joe One
Jack Jupiter

And the winner is
Redface Rodgers

And now ladies & gentlemen, I present to you...the Founding Father of EWT, Toomiguci.

*Toomiguci approaches.*

Thank you. I am honored to present the Toomiguci Vanguard Award to somebody truly deserving. This is a man who was given the ball in a major storyline without being here & was a good sport throughout the whole event. He's a man who was willing to make a 180 degree turn from his character & look like an idiot, when in reality he's a very intelligent man.

Fans, posters, ladies & gentlemen...the recipient of the Toomiguci Vanguard Award is...dorf!!!!

[thecursedone]

*The lights instantly go black leaving nothing to see. Suddenly a spotlight shines down upon the podium where the award for Best Debut rests. A swirl of fog passes through the light from the back and loud footsteps are heard. As they get closer to the light, the spotlight begins to shrink until there is just a small focus upon the award. The footstep stops and a familiar looking hand reaches out from the darkness. It grips the award and pulls it into the darkness slowly. As soon as the award disappears into darkness, the lights return and the stage looks bare.*

[raftshack]

Apache is heard in the background, as Team Raft Shack hobble up onto the stage, both of them dressed in neon colored tuxedos of some horrible design, as they jump up and down all around the stage. They run up the podium, as Zeleke grabs the Scammy, grinning and stuffing it into his pants, to quite a few odd looks.

Faboon: Oh gracious greetings to all the benfacting few that have plopped this trinket upon our personings! We spit our praisings of absolutelish enbodiment of awesomenicity... BECAUSE YOU WERE THE BEING THAT CREATED THIS PARADOXIUM IN AWARD OBTAINMENT!

Faboon cartwheels away from the stage, as Zeleke reaches down, pulling out a list.

Zeleke: I shall be thankful of these following fellowers...

He unrolls a ridiculously long looking list in a comical fashion, which is written on toilet paper of course. The audience can be heard groaning somewhat, as he clears his throat, as he hops up and straddles this podium, beginning to read.

Zeleke: I shall thank... THE VOLCANOES! I also will thank, the game of Parcheesi. On top of that... I thank my creators... who spawned my lovably lucious self. I also thank, the fried okra, old folks, gardening magazines... the seedling samples are delicious! I also thank the ghetto, gay dolphins, my nose, The Ultimate Lawyer, that... other guy who teams with my persona, the Virtual Boy, Upper Ten, my other nose, tabasco sauce, my fellow acrobatic swine, Birkenstocks, Jon tolo, Hard hats...

The stage crew immediately runs onto the stage, prying Zeleke off the podium with a bit of effort, than tossing him aside, onto another part of the stage, as they immediately cut his mike, Faboon shaking his head and cackling at his ludicrous chum.

[brokenrose]

* When I was darkness at that time
Trembling lips
In the corner of my room I cry
The more I struggle, the more these wounds stab me
That broken promise hurt me

Nobody can save me
God, I ask just one thing
Stop this love of mine that's tearing me up

I need your love. I'm a broken rose
The sadness of your song falls down on me
My life is lonely and I've nowhere to go
I need your love. I'm a broken rose
Oh baby, help me from frozen pain
With your smile, your eyes
And sing me, just for me

I wanna need your love...
I'm a broken rose
I wanna need your love...

When you are with me at that time
I chased after your shadow
Running barefoot, stop me
The more I try to shut it away, the more twisted this love gets
Kiss me softly and tenderly

Nobody can save me
Like a frozen rose
I want to sleep tenderly, my tears

I need your love. I'm a broken rose.
The sadness in my soul withers and falls
I'm a little girl, lonely and crumbling
I need your love. I'm a broken rose
Oh baby, help me from frozen pain
With your smile, your eyes
And sing me, just for me

I wanna need your love...
I'm a broken rose
I wanna need your love...

I need your love. I'm a broken rose
The sadness of your song falls down on me
My life is lonely and I've nowhere to go
I need your love. I'm a broken rose
Oh baby, help me from frozen pain
With your smile, your eyes
And sing me, just for me

I wanna need your love...
I'm a broken rose
I wanna need your love.. *

*From the one of the stage exits comes BR Juri Sadamoto, clad in her simple tank top & jeans along with a black beanie. She walks over the podium where the best storyline award sits. She smiles, points at her belt resting snuggly around her waist, and grabs the award. Immediate she smashes it against the edge of the podium until there are two pieces. She picks up the smaller piece, the bottom, and holds it up high. Then she turns and walks away.*

[chanceconfidence]

Direction Perfection picks up in the background, as the audience gives quite a few dirty looks, except a certain group of course, as Chance Confidence walks up onto the stage, dressed in an extravagant silver tuxedo, with an emerald green undershirt and brown Italian leather loafers. He's sporting a pair of blue tinted shades on the bridges of his nose, his hair looking nice and neat in a pony tail as per usual, as he steps up to the podium, shooting a glance at the still ranting Zeleke, rather annoyed, as he turns to the podium, snatching up his award.

Chance: Folks... I'll keep this one short and sweet... I'm a divine entity and I derserve pretty much everyone of these awards here. The rest of you aren't even fit to get one of those participation trophies one in school because their idiotic teacher wants everybody to feel special. Well tough, none of you are special... at least in the good sort of way. You could only dream of being even an iota near my unsurpassed greatness.

The dirty looks grow even dirtier it seems, as Chance grins to himself, enjoying these verbal bashings.

Chance: With that said, I will say thanks to all of the suck ups who netted me this trophy... I consider each and everyone of you one level above the rest of these piles of putrid vomit... so you'd probably be more like... puddles of disgusting mud or something of the like. I take pride in my name being so damn excellent and it's good that a few of you peons realized that as well. So in closing, thanks for the accolades. I'll tape this one to my refridgerator or something.

He heads off the stage abruptly, completely exitting the room like the jerk he is, but not before shoving Zeleke off the stage to the floor, who continues reading his thank you list.

[Boku AKA Da Green Guy]

*The lights go out as the Toomitron comes to life. It begins to play an all too familiar scene.*

*Cruis grabs McJobberston's leg and Lull strikes a pose. Then he runs to the ropes and back. Upon reaching back to Jobby, he strikes against Jobby's leg. And it horribly bends.*

Cole: ....oh my god...

JBL: That can't be good.

*Jobby holds his leg, trying not to scream. Hoping not to scare his fans, he rolls over to be face down. The referee checks on him and quickly flashes the "X". Cruis is rather unconcerned while Lull looks down in shock at what he just did. He doesn't shake it until Axel rolls into the ring and chases them both away. He looks back to Jobby, looking incredibly concerned as the EMTs come down to the ring.*

*There is a slight bit of dead air before...*

* “Dare To Be Stupid” Plays. *

*Within seconds of the theme being played, out comes the hyperactive 80s fan on crutches. Amazing he has dressed up for this situation. But sadly it's in a suit that matches his ring attire. His whole clown barf ensemble is completed with a neon rainbow cast on his leg. From the way he appears, you wouldn't guess he's coming out to accept a best injury award... He looks like he's going to be handled the keys to a vault containing ever single commercial created in the 80s. He approaches the podium quickly and grabs the award.*

Jobby: Thank you everyone for this chance to appear on EWT programming while I'm out with my injury! And I get an award too? Totally Radical! This easily beats watching my beta tapes while I eat Poprocks... But only for today!

*He coughs, looking slightly serious.*

Jobby: I think I maybe just a bit out of practice and for that I'm sorry everyone. This has been a trying time for a few of us but I think nobody has been hurt worse than EWT... And you, it's fans! Just when you think that the Wrestle Posse was on our way to the tag titles... We were cut short. And now EWT is in a Hell, an alternate dimension where our Lorraines have been stolen by the dastardly evil Biff Tannens of EWT... TJT! And not only that we have a pair or two of William Zabkas coming in too! EWT really needs help! And that's why we need a super group... A super group never before seen, of Daniel LaRusso & Marty McFly! But just Daniel-san needed Mr. Miyagi to succeed, we need to better ourselves with help from a recommended tag team adviser! Mark my words everyone, just like George Micheal & Andrew Ridgeley, the Wrestle Posse will make it to the top! And when we get there... Everyone will see the colors!

* “Dare To Be Stupid” plays yet again as Jobby walks away with his award. *

[Spyke the Pacers Fan]

The room darkens and the video screen lowers. A video starts highlighting the biggest moments in Spyke Johannson's career, all set to the tune of Daft Punk's "One More Time." The crowd watches on as Spyke joins Generation Tech, picks up a deciding victory in the Gen. Tech/P.T.A. match, and wins the Toolshed Title from Joe Ragnal.

The video ends and the crowd applauds a look back on the career of Spyke Johannson. What follows is what looks like a pre-recorded message from Spyke himself.

Spyke: "Wow. EWT fans, what can I say? You love me! You really love me! OK, now that I got my obligatory Sally Field impression out of the way, I would just like to say thank you for naming me the EWT Superstar You Miss The Most. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that you guys missed me that much. I understand though that my dear brother Crash has been trying, TRYING to fill the void that is no Spyke."

(The camera cuts to Crash sitting in the audience with his arms folded, not looking at the screen. Crash notices the camera on him and waves in a "go away" motion)

Spyke: "Ahh, why I bet he's there now, sitting there all pouty with his arms folded. I understand my good buddy Ronnie Cordova is trying to keep him in check though. And Rachael Leigh Cook. The girl I broke into EWT with. I saw that you're returning pretty soon here. I can't wait to see you back in the ring. You've been my best friend from the beginning, I love ya, girl! Anyway, EWT fans, I have to ask you something. When you saw that video, looking back at my EWT career, at all the good times, at all the high points in my career, I just wanna know something..."

"Do you like it?"

"Tetris" by Basshunter hits and Spyke leaps from back behind the curtains to a MASSIVE pop! The fans leap out of their seats and cheer the Swedish dance master as he high fives fans in the front row. Spyke does what he does best and breakdances on stage, before taking his spot behind the podium, where the Scammy Award is waiting for him.

Spyke: "Didn't think you'd be seeing me in person tonight, didja? I always try to surprise you guys. Just like you surprised me by voting me the one you guys missed the most. And let me tell you something, I miss you guys too. I miss the guys backstage, I miss being around the lovely EWT GND's..."

(Cut to Juri Sadamoto sitting in the audience, then to Synthy Eris who smirks a bit, then to former GND star, Rosa who waves to Spyke.)

Spyke: "...hell, I even miss being interviewed by Todd Grisham!"

Todd Grisham: (from waaaaaaaaaaaay in the back of the auditorium) "Really?!" (Todd climbs out of his seat and runs down the aisleway, only to be coldcocked by a roaring elbow from Rachael Leigh Cook!)

Spyke: "Whatta doofus... Aaaaanyway, my time is starting to run out so I'll get to the thank yous. I wanna thank Rachael for helping me out with my debut and then sticking around afterwards. I wanna thank Limey and Spaz for including me in the forming of Generation Tech. I wanna thank Synthy Eris for humoring me when I said we should form a tag team. I wanna thank Juri Sadamoto for not dating my brother. Seriously, I know it's very easy to resist him, but still, it's nice to see a woman not fall into his sleaze trap. By the way Crash, if you're looking for cheap, easy women to pick up on, I hear WWE's hiring.

(A couple of "oohs" from the crowd, and a non too please Crash is once again shown on camera)

Spyke: "But back on topic, my biggest thank you goes out to you, the fans. Without you, there'd be no point in doing what we do. Thank you for making it all possible. I'd just like to end with this. I'm not back yet, but consider this me officially saying that I WILL be back, and when I do... well, you'll be pleasantly surprised. GEN TECH 4 LIFE, BABY! I'M OUT!"

(Spyke holds up his Scammy award and the audience applauds the Swede. Spyke walks off-stage. Cut to Crash with a glare on his face directed towards the direction Spyke walked in.)

[teamireland]

*"I'm Shipping Up To Boston" begins playing as Coach O'Hare, clad in a grey suit, white shirt & maroon tie as opposed to his usual attire, takes to the stage. As always, he carries his Tricolour wrapped Hurley. He is flanked by Aidan Donnelly & Sean McCann at either side while EWT Toolshed Champion Shane Malone takes up the rear. Team Ireland have also opted to dress formally this evening. O'Hare leans over the podium, holding his Scammy Award for Best Manager.*

O'Hare: About feckin' time! I wish I could say that anyone else deserves this, but when you look at the rest of the field, like... well, there's nobody else is there? Who lead a team to the longest Tag-Team title reign in EWT history. I mean, a title reign that mattered & wherein the champions fought a variety of opponents rather than just facing the same team over & over & over for months on end. Who managed the most dangerous & sadistic EWT Toolshed Champion in history? Who masterminded beatdowns of Sigma "G.Q." Williams & "The Bollywood Big Shot" Mahavir Abha?

Jim Neidhart:[in the audience] I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS!

O'Hare: SHUT UP! You're looking at the team that caused the end of Raskall & Trunk! The team that destroyed Ultimo/Dragon! The team that ended the career of PAUL FRIGGIN' PODANSKI!
I guess the fact that I won this award proves to all the other managers of EWT that ... YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THE IRISH!

**"I'm Shipping Up To Boston" plays again as O'Hare & the rest of Team Ireland leave the stage to sit back at their table where four pints of Guinness await.*

[Tiffany]

"It's Tiffany, bitch..."

*Tiffany excitedly races up to the podium to collect her award. She's wearing a ridiculously tiny dress that starts halfway down her breasts & ends a few inches below her waist. The dress struggles to contain her as she bends over to speak into the microphone.*

Tiffany: Like, oh my God! I can't believe I totally won an award. That totally rocks! I mean, like, oh my God! This soooo cool! I'd like to thank Liam, Malahaha & Jasmyne for totally being cool to me & stuff. And all the cool chicks in the GND Division who totally put on like good matches & stuff. And, like, Mr. Dorfelfin for giving me a job & stuff. And like...

*Tiffany's musci starts again as some bouncers hurriedly rush her off-stage & escort her back to her table where Liam, Mahavir & Jasmyne await. She proudly displays her Scammy Award to them with a wide grin. Liam & Mahavir beam back at her, Jasmyne gives her a sultry wink. Tiffany, still not fully aware of Jasmyne's intentions giggles & winks back.*

[crauswell]

Flock Off picks up soon, as the audience looks on, quite a bit surprised, as they see the man known as Craus walk up the steps to the podium, clad in his Pre-Cidal Squad suit, the man clutching his back, having quite a bit of difficulty walking, as he's completely hunched over. He makes his way to the podium and looks up briefly.

Crauswell: I am not the smartest being... for if I was, I would be laying back in my hospital bed right now after I had my back broken by Ferhago Crow. I also would not have completely defied doctors orders and gone out to the ring for my match with Christopher Indigo, which we all saw what happened. You see... if I was a smarter creature, then I would have never challenged Crow in the first place and I probably would have destroyed Indigo by now... at least in my own opinion. Unfortunately, that's not how I envision myself. I see myself as an unstoppable creature... who doesn't know his own limitations. Sure, I could have done like others and appeared from a video feed, but, no offense to them, I refuse to not show up when I'm asked to. As soon as my injury has healed... I shall return to once again assert myself in the EWT! However, that's not the reason I'm here tonight as you all may guess. When I found out my fued with Cassinova had won the Scammy for Best Fued... I was pretty shocked really. I mean, I could have never seen that coming... but it appears I underestimated my fans. For that, I am sorry.. Truth be told, Cassinova deserves this award much more than I do, because in the end... he triumphed. However, due to certain circumstances... that can not happen I suppose. Therefore I will do the only honorable thing and accept the award in his name. Cassinova... you were a worthy foe and I hope that someday, we may be able to square off once again, because you are one of the few that has earned my respect... at least in the ring. I'm not sure if we will ever meet up once more, but if we do, I will surely try my best to redeem myself and not let me emotions be clouded by a mere title... like it once was.

The furry looks up at the crowd, grabbing the Scammy and raising it high.

Craus: Cassidy... this one is for you.

He turns back and starts walking back... then gasps in pain, as that skunk guy runs over, hoisting his "mate" up and helping to escort him off the stage, as the audience begins clapping politely at this rather passionate speech.