EWT: Mission Statement

[Toom E. Guci]

*Toom E Dangerously walks to the ring as the fans who were let in for free stand around, waiting to hear what he has to say. A press conference setting is set up in the center of the ring, with reporters from major websites as well as media outlets & international wrestling magazines surround the ring, as well.*


Thank you all for coming today.

Let me start off by saying that Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation is not, as many have reported, bankrupt. We have the money & capabilities to do whatever we please in this business. None of the talent have received bouncing baby checks, hence we are no typical BIngo Hall Federation. Not by a long shot.

But yes, it is true...things have been slowing down the last few months in EWT. Yes, it's true some of our talent have moved on to other opportunities & that's not really a bad thing. Maybe bad for you, the fans, since most of the talent did so without ryhme or reason...unfortunatly, that's how business is run.

But folks...I am still here. I am still prepared to keep this business going. And in the back, we STILL have an EWT roster. Sure, we may not have the huge numbers that other federations hold...but we still have the talent who want to come in here week in & week out to put one hell of a show on for you.

And to top it off, we have been in talks with some outside companies to bring talent in to help at certain times...which is not a bad thing. Think about the past when EWT started...our pay per views had the likes of Shark Boy, Stevie Richards, Raven, & so on. We done it before & we are not afraid to do it again, if needed. And those who help out will be paid very well.

Therefore, EWT is not dead, like some of you would like to believe. EWT is still going strong...and eventually, we will be stronger then ever.

Now I would like the superstars of EWT to come out & speak for themselves on their thoughts regarding the matter. Afterwards, we shall open the floor to any questions from the media as well as the fans.

Thank you.

[Maelstrom]

*Maelstrom is on hand in the room sitting on a chair*

Reporter: Question for Maelstrom, there are reports that you may be leaving care to shed some light?

Maelstrom: I'm staying right here where I have made my name, as long as EWT has fans who want to be entertained then I Maelstrom shall be here.

*Maelstrom takes a drink of water*

Maelstrom: Who knows what the future holds, you may even see the fabled Maelstrom stable, a underwater cage match or a team with Tugboat. You never know what great classic moments may be waiting behind the corner. The Tide Will always Turn!

[hardcorehensley]

We come to to EWT's resident backstage reporter, Sum Guy.

Sum Guy: Greetings folks! As you're well aware of, I'm Sum Guy, and standing by my side is THE EWT Heavyweight Champion...Hardcore Hensley!

The shot pans out revealing the champ with his belt slung over his right shoulder. He's in his street clothes, with a little hair actually starting to grow on the top of his head. He's also gotta very noticeable smug look on his face.

Sum Guy: Hardcore Hensley, you've heard the news, I'm sure. What are your thoughts?

Hensley: Well, lemme just say that when I won this bad boy, it was the greatest moment of my life. At that time, I was thinking, I'm gonna be the last man to ever hold this title. Now, after finding out that I'm gonna have the honor to defend this title. F***ing right!

Sum Guy: Ha ha, that's YOUR EWT Heavyweight Champion now, ladies and gentlemen.

They both chuckle among one another.

Sum Guy: Any certain challengers currently on your mind?

Hensley: A few. To be honest though, it don't matter at all to me. If you wanna piece, step up. Whenever you want, I don't even care where, I'll be ready.

With that, Hensley turns away, and disappears off camera.

[Ran Don]

(Just then, a strange looking fella walks into frame. A mask on his face makes it hard to tell who he is. He grabs Sum Guy by the throat, shoving him against the wall, & yanking the microphone from him. He releases his hold of Sum Guy & turns towards the camera.)

For a long time, I have watched you people. I have seen everything you have done. Everything you have stood for. I admired you all from a distance, looking for the perfect time to be known to all. And now is that time.

The time is not EWT's time to be reborn. The time is not Hardcore Hensley's time as champion.

The time is the time for Ran Don to show who he is & who belongs amongst you all.

The time has come for you to cower at my feet.

The time has come...for you all to meet your maker.

[MrBRulzOK]

We cut back to the scene of the media conference, as a familiar young man slowly walks up to the podium. He has his light brown hair tied back in a casual pony tail, clad in a Italian made black suit jacket, white dress shirt underneath, and a simply red tie, along with a matching pair of black dress pants and black Italian made shoes. A set of rose tinted sunglasses sit atop the bridge of his nose, as he has a rather solemn look on his face, from what you can tell.

Reporter: Mr. Confidence... a question for you. Is it true that you are considering leaving Extreme Wrestling Threaderation, due to the fact that you have neglected to sign an extension on your recent contract?

The young man lets out a soft sigh, as he takes the microphone on that podium in hand, then gazes towards the reporter.

Chance: ... I've been toying with this thought for a few months now. It seems lately, things just aren't working out for me. A few ideas of mine have unfortunately fallen on deaf ears. A number of my interests have been piqued, and being such a well sought athlete, many people have been sending me other contractual offers. At this time... I will come right out and say it.

Chance leans back up, now clearing his throat, as he removes those shades from his face, looking back towards the media below with a bit of a tearful expression.

Chance: Extreme Wrestling Threaderation has been the greatest experience in my entire wrestling career. I've met so many friends here, as well as made so many memorable foes. To think that four years ago, Toomi took something created out of a bingo hall and turned it into... something so damn great. This was indeed, one of the top promotions out there today. When people were considering where they'd want to compete before a Global audience, EWT was the first name that came to their mind. I spent my entire career here, even back in my days in the old developmental, ASS, training my arse off to be the very best wrestler that I could possibly become.

Chance slowly wipes a tear as it streams down his cheek, before it can reach that rather expensive looking jacket he's wearing.

Chance: I shed blood, sweat, and tears throughout my entire tenure here, striving to become the best, to become synonymous with such great names as Dorf, Spaz, Limey, Hitmanmark, and even that of my.... former friend, Sigma. You see, in the end, I could not let him attempt to ruin the great name of the EWT, just to fulfill his petty grudge against Toomi. I just wouldn't feel right doing so. So that's why I brought back Mr. Johannson that night and why I stabbed my former ally in the back. Even though I personally could not care less about Mr. Hensley, I was not about to let anyone spit on the name of EWT and soil what it stood for.

Chance looks on, still sporting a very sorrowful expression on his face, a look rarely seen from the young man throughout his entire EWT career.

Chance: I am proud to be known as a former World Champion of Extreme Wrestling Threaderation... but I will be the first to admit that my actions were not the most honorable back then. It was wrong of me to end the career of Samuel Stardust... it was wrong of me to try and manipulate Mr. Podanski, and it was wrong of me to be so bitter about what happened at Season's Beatings. The fact is... I made alot of mistakes, most of which will be near impossible to find retribution for. I can only hope that everyone in that locker room can forgive me for what I did. If they don't, then I understand completely.

Chance holds his forehead, a truly saddened look in his tear filled eyes, as he nearly begins to weep.

Chance: That's why... I am leaving the Extreme Wrestling Threaderation, effectively ending my years of service to the company. It's time for the old guard to step aside and for a new generation to emerge. One that can once again raise the EWT from it's rather low state and bring it back to the peak of where it once was! I however... am not the man who should be responsible for that task.

Chance then begins to turn around, starting to walk away from the podium one last time, only to stop himself, as he turns back towards the reporters and fans all attending at ringside.

Chance: But who knows... maybe someday I will return. For now though, my heart just isn't into it anymore. I thank you fans, even though you hated my guts, I thank each and every EWT fan that has watched me throughout the years, and I'd like to thank each and every one of my opponents that I have ever been privileged to compete against. Yes... all of them.

He places those sunglasses back over his eyes, covering them once more.

Chance: I once had a saying... "You're Just Jealous." Today, the opposite is true, I am jealous... jealous of each and everyone of you who still has the will to go on. Continue to support the EWT, continue to buy their DVDs, their PPVs, and their merchandise. Please continue to watch the greats such as the Highland Diamonds, Hardcore Hensley, Mysth, and Charley Mac. You were the greatest group I was ever given the chance to perform for... and I am certain one day, I will return. I guarantee it.

With that, Chance finally steps away from the podium, as the crowd begins to applaud politely, some of the fans starting up a "Please Don't Go" chant, as the young man walks over, making sure to shake hands with each of the other EWT wrestlers attending this event, as well as Toomi himself, before stepping between those ropes, perhaps the last time for quite awhile, then heading back up the ramp way, extending a proud wave towards the fans, before disappearing behind the curtain one last time.

[dorf]

*cue back from the commercial is dorf's music theme with him standing in the ring as Howard Finkel is saying introductions*

Finkel: Hailing from Filthadelphia, Pencilvania, weighing in at 265 pounds, DORF!

*crowd boo's as Dorf raises his arms...kinda figures. Anyways, he points to the microphone as he sees across the ring that there is no opponent for him. Finkel gives him the microphone as he is about to say something...*

Dorf: *scoffs* Heh, what is this? Do I have an opponent tonight?

*stares at Finkel with a smile, Finkel says some words and shrugs his shoulders, because it seems that he does not know.*

I COME back to an EWT ring full-time and my first match is nobody?? OH MY GOD, this may take awhile people, but you fans will see a match here in EWT and I will make damn well sure that you will be satisfied, whether this will take a few seconds, hours, days, months...hell let' go with years.

*whispers something to Finkel*

Well, I sure as well can wait. I have a never-ending supply of hoagies and bottled water that can be put into good use, while you people wait for me to fight somebody.

*crowd boo's loudly for the second use of "you people;" Finkel brings a steel chair into the ring*

Thank you, Finkel for that. I will have none of this. On my first match back into action, I will sit here and wait until someone challenges to wrestle me.

F*** the commercials, f*** the press, I am here on a sit-in until someone comes out of the EWT lockerroom and NONE OF YOU PEOPLE are going to exit until I have a match. This is a lock-in and I demand respect.

*pauses for anyone to call upon dorf's open challenge to the EWT bingo hall arena*

...time is ticking.

TICK. TOCK.

*camera fades into commercial.*

[DSR]

*A giant wail of static is followed by the opening strains of Boys Night Out's "A Torrid Love Affair" to signal the arrival of an EWT legend...

Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...from Bayside, California, weighing in at 240 pounds...your Emocore Hero, D! S! R!

*DSR is sporting a full-beard and a short un-spiked mohawk, and a pissed off look on his face. He's wearing solid green trunks, boots, and kneepads...and he's dragging with him an unusual championship belt with duct tape over the name of the company it's from. He throws the belt into the ring and rolls under the bottom rope. DSR grabs the microphone from Finkel.

DSR: "Y'know, folks, the last time I stepped foot in a wrestling ring, it wasn't for EWT. Where it was doesn't matter...and where this belt comes from doesn't really matter...what matters is this...as soon as I WON this belt, the company I worked for closed down shop. I didn't get to defend the belt I had won, and I sure as hell didn't get to say goodbye to my fans. I was damn heartbroken over that fact, and it took me awhile to get 'that itch' to wrestle back...

Well, Dorf, I'm happy to tell you that the itch DAMN SURE is back, and I'm gonna be here as long as there's a fan that remembers who the hell I am and what the hell I've done in this business and still wants to see what I have to offer.

So, Dorf, I'm ANSWERING your challenge. You want a match, well then get your damn chair out of the ring and lets give this audience a damn SHOW!"

[Maelstrom]

(Meanwhile backstage and Maelstrom is standing by a large pool like the ones you get in sealife centres across the country. We can't see in it but Maelstrom can as he's taller than the average man.)

SUM GUY: Hello everyone I'm Sum Guy and I'm here in the Aquarium to ask MAelstrom what he's doing.

(Maelstrom seems to be in a competitive mood as he wills on something in the tank that is out of our view.)

SUM GUY: So what nasty underwater suprise have you got for us tonight Maelstrom? A Shark? A Giant Squid a pack of trained killer navy seals?

(Maelstrom turns to look at Sum)

MAELSTROM: You have no idea what Navy Seals are do you Sum?

SUM GUY: I read in a book that they ... ... no, not really

MAELSTROM: Right, well I can tell you that what is in the tank is doing some last minute training and when he's ready we will be going for the EWT Tag Team Gold!

(Maelstrom then shoves Sum Guy away and turns back to the training pool)

MAELSTROM: Storke, stroke, stroke ... put your back into otherwise you'll never be ready I want high perfomance and sleek wrestling action, so you better be in shape when we go for that tag team gold!!

(Fade out)

[The Bad Man]

(In a poorly lit room we find the Bad Man with the EWT Tri-State title)

BAD MAN: Tri-State challengers!! flheh .. Meet me in the ring .. flheh ... Big Battle Royal ... I put it on the line .. flheh ...heh flheh


(Fade out)

[Toom E. Guci]

*Toom E Dangerously sits in his office, watching the events unfold on the monitor. He looks over at his personal assistant.*

Isn't it beautiful? See how they all flock to EWT?

This is how it was meant to be. EWT was meant to be like this.

The deadweight is gone in Sigma, as planned. The names that built this company are slowly returning. The fans are coming back. My plan has worked.

Sigma played his part right, I will admit that. I lead him to believe this company was going under...which is why he was the way he was. And now look at how wonderful this place is again.

And now...now the future is in the palm of my hand...AGAIN!

[dorf]

*Following DSRs challenge, the camera pans back to the ring wait for Dorf's response. Dorf is still sitting as he puts the hoagie down and grabs the mic*

Dorf: Ya know what, I accept your challenge DSR.


.....BUT, not now.

*crowd boo's*

You see DSR, you are giving this crowd what they want, a legend versus legend, facing one-on-one...think that's going to happen in this very ring tonight? I think not.

This is why I am countering you with an offer...at EWTs next PPV, which has yet to be named, it will be Dorf vs. DSR one-on-one mano-e-mano contest and the best part is that you can pick the stipulations, anything your emo-core heart desires, because it will be a damned classic, a classic that this crowd wishes we had here tonight.

*crowd chants WHAT? Dorf gets up from his chair, stares straight at DSR*

So...tell me DSR, what type of match do you want?

*pauses for DSRs response*

[DSR]

*DSR's pissed off facial expression does not change, even as Dorf gets right in his face.

DSR: "That's real...cute, Dorf. You come out in front of these people and promise them some entertainment, demanding a challenge from anybody, saying you're gonna give these people a match. And yet, here I am, and you're backing off?! I don't know what you're thinkin', man, but these are not the actions of a so-called Legend. You and I both know that...and quite frankly, this audience deserves better than that!"

*DSR pauses as the audience cheers.

DSR: "So the ball's in my court, huh? Any stipulation I want? I can't honestly say that it matters to me...any DSR fan knows that stipulations only serve to get in the way of me continuing to prove that I'm the BEST PURE WRESTLER in EWT history! So tell ya what, I'm not going for any sort of weapons match.

If you insist on going one-on-one, legend versus so-called legend, well, there's only one match I can think of that the EWT faithful deserve...I'm calling for a 60 Minute IRON MAN MATCH!

*Pause again for the crowd's cheers.

DSR: So, Dorf...we already know you talk a mean game...but are you willing to BACK UP your words?

*DSR holds the microphone at his side, as he stares defiantly back in Dorf's face, awaiting his response.

[dorf]

*camera pans back to dorf awaiting his response to DSRs offer*

Dorf: ...so-called legend?? How are you not boo-ing this s-o-b for disrespecting me and for all that I have done to EWT?

*dorf pauses, crowd chimes in with half 'WHAT?' and the other half booing. He drops the mic.*

*dorf sighs and throws his arms at DSR saying 'so-called legend? ppftbtth.' He grabs the chair and tosses the hoagie cooler over the ring.*

*Dorf begins to exit the ring by walking toward the ropes as the crowd boo's get louder. DSR goes right up to dorf's shoulder to pull him back, like he was about to say something, but dorf TURNS AROUND WITH A CHAIR SHOT TO DSRs HEAD!!*

*DSR goes right down as his forehead begins to bleed immediately....the crowd is booing immensely at what they had just witnessed. Dorf drops the chair and picks up the mic and talks right in front of an unconscious DSR*

Dorf: As for the Iron-Man Match...I ACCEPT.

*dorf drops the mic as he raises his arms for the crowd to get riled up of his actions. His theme songs plays as he walks out of the ring and back to the lockerroom. EMTs come rushing to DSRs aid as the blood is drenched all over his forehead. They care to DSR, but he starts to move and sits up as the camera fades to black for a commercial.*

[Toom E. Guci]

*We cut back to the commercial as Toom E dangerously confronts dorf in the back.*

Just what the hell do you think you are doing? You do not control this company anymore. Not half. Not all. You do not go around here, making matches & pulling crap like that in my ring.

dorf: You asked me back to do a job. And I did my job. My job is to get these people talking about EWT again. And they are. And at the next pay per view, I will leave them wanting more.

Toom E: You know damn well when I lifted your EWT Release after our match a year ago, THAT I WON, I call the shots around here. And there is no way we are ready for pay per view.

dorf: Well, you better be ready for pay per view...because unless I am booked in a big dollar match such as pay per view, I will NOT wrestle for a company that allows it's wrestlers and fans to disrespect the greatness that is dorf. I did not give up my Hollywood career to come back & be stuck on free tv...I came back for the money & the glory that comes with fame. And unless you give it to me...I walk. Understand?

*dorf shoves his shoulder into Toom E as he walks away, while Toom E just glares at him in anger.*

[Maelstrom]

*In the background Maelstrom watches the arguments between Toomi and Dorf. He turns back to the open door of his aquarium.*

MAELSTROM: I said eat all that sushi, how will you ever achieve anything without the right nutrients!!

*Sean Mooney shows up outside next to Maelstrom who is still shouting stuff at his mystery trainee.*

SEAN MOONEY: Hello everyone, I'm backstage with former EWT Champion Maelstrom and I am going to inquire about his mystery partner and aspirations for the tag team titles.

*Maelstrom turns his head and sees Mooney*

MAELSTROM: I'm going to stop you right there Mooney. There will be no clues or clever hints this man I am training will be making his first appearance at the next PPV, and only then. As for the tag titles let's just see if whoever turns up can face the tide and survive!

*Maelstrom slams the aquarium door shut, and then shoves Mooney to one side as he walks off down the corridor*

[hardcorehensley]

"Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" booms through the EWT Arena.

Sum Guy: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome YOUR...EWT Heavyweight Champion, Hardcore Hensley!

Hensley files out from behind the curtain, the EWT Heavyweight Championship firmly slung over his strong shoulder. He casually makes his way to the ring, decked out in street clothes. As he slides into the ring, he quickly accepts the microphone from Sum Guy.

Hensley: Thanks buddy. Now then, with EWT reveling in it's *revival*, so to speak, I find myself with a...sort of...problem. When I captured EWT's Ox Division's Championship, I prided myself on defending said title. I believe I held up on that, for whenever a challenger called, I answered. That is EXACTLY how this is gonna work. Put the word out, if you want Hardcore Hensley, if you wanna be the next EWT Heavyweight Champion, come on down! Anytime, any place. If you gotta beef, get at me. I don't enjoy all of this talking really. I'm a man of action. The Champ's asking for the Challenger, the Contender...who's it gonna be?

With that, he simply lets the mic fall to the canvas. "Hit Em High, Hit Em Low" replays as he returns back up the ramp, a completely focused aura to him...

[DSR]

*A giant wail of static and the opening notes of "A Torrid Love Affair" signal the arrival of DSR!

The Crowd: "DSR! DSR! DSR!"

*DSR slaps hands with the fans on his way to ringside. His disposition seems even sunnier than usual. As DSR walks past the cameraman towards the ring, we see that DSR's sporting the world's tiniest band-aid on his forehead. Once DSR's inside the ring, the music cuts off, and DSR takes the microphone.

DSR: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering why a son of a bitch who got hit with a chair a few days ago is suddenly Captain Sunshine and Happiness. Well, the answer to your queries is two-fold...ya see, for starters, it takes a lot more than a simple chairshot to take me out, folks! I may be a crusader against garbage wrestling, but anyone who's done their homework knows that its not because I can't handle it! For gawd's sakes, I first WON the EWT World Title in a barbed wire match! Hell, if anything, Dorf's little chairshot woke me up better than my alarm clock that morning!

"Secondly...y'know, normally a chairshot knocks the recipient for a loop. For a while afterwards, you don't really know what's going on around you...funnily enough, Dorf's chairshot had the reverse effect on me. When Dorf busted me open with that steel chair, a moment of clarity washed over me. I learned something right then and there...Dorf's afraid of me. *a cocky smile comes over DSR's face*

"That's right, for all his bluster, Dorf knows damn well he can't handle me in the ring. He knows he can't lace my boots. We could've had a match for the fans on our last show, but that piece of s*** knew he would've gotten shown up in no-time. And yeah, he acts tough, agreeing to my Iron Man Match...but you just KNOW he's gonna spend all the time from now until the Pay Per View trying to come up with a master plan to take me down.

"I got news for ya, Dorf...no matter what you plan, I've got a counter for it. There's nothing you can do to me, son. I'm an honest-to-God LEGEND in this business, and you're a pretender to the throne. And at the PPV...I'm gonna hurt you...and I'm gonna look great doin' it! Because that's what I do. And I do it better than anyone. *sarcastically* Good luck, kiddo."

The Crowd: "DSR! DSR! DSR!"

*DSR soaks up the crowd's chants for a minute, before taking the microphone to his lips again.*

DSR: "Aside from all that, I believe the EWT fans deserve an apology. Y'see, I promised the folks on our last show a damn wrestling match, but because of Dorf's shenanigans, I didn't get the opportunity to deliver. Well, tonight, there's a young man in the back who's lookin' to make an impression, and I'm in the mood for a bit of a workout, so how 'bout a match, folks? Sound good?"

*The crowd cheers, as DSR hands the microphone off to the ring announcer.

*Out from the curtain steps EVAN BOURNE, pumped to have a match. He slaps hands with fans before sliding into the ring. The bell rings to signal the start of the match. DSR and Bourne lock up. The bigger DSR easily shoves Bourne down to the mat, who rolls through and gets back to his feet. The two men lock up again, and again DSR shoves Bourne down. Bourne gets up, unafraid, and starts chopping DSR in the chest. DSR just shakes his head "no" before chopping Evan straight down to the mat. Evan scoots to the corner, while DSR puts the boots to him. DSR runs to the opposite corner, turns back around, and charges toward Bourne's corner. Bourne quickly slides out under the bottom rope and to his feet on the ring apron. Bourne hits a few forearms to DSR's head, and DSR stumbles away from the corner. Bourne springboards off the top rope, but DSR nails a huge Euro Uppercut and covers Bourne.

One.
Two.
T-kickout. DSR picks up Bourne and goes for a suplex. Bourne blocks. DSR picks him up on the second attempt, but Bourne works his way out, runs the ropes, and nails a front dropkick to DSR's leg. DSR hits the mat and rolls to the outside. Bourne runs the ropes, ready to dive on DSR, but DSR simply sidesteps. Bourne steps out onto the ring apron, but DSR clotheslines Bourne's legs, and he falls face first onto the apron. DSR grabs him from this position and nails a suplex on the concrete floor! DSR rolls into the ring, and lets the ref count Bourne out on the floor.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
Bourne's in before the count goes further, but he's a bit groggy. DSR charges in for a Clothesline from TRL, Bourne ducks. DSR turns around, and Bourne nails an enziguri! Bourne whips DSR into the ropes and attempts a leg lariat. DSR rolls under, and grabs Bourne as he stands up and delivers an EXPLODER SUPLEX!!! DSR walks to the corner, and stomps the mat, signalling that he's gonna go for the Emokick. Bourne gets up, DSR goes for the kick, Bourne ducks and rolls out of the ring. Bourne grabs DSR's legs and trips him. Bourne then climbs up the turnbuckles, ready to hit the Airbourne, shooting star press. DSR gets up and bounces off the ropes, causing Bourne to slip and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle. DSR climbs up after him, attempting to hit the BRAINBUSTAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Bourne blocks and punches DSR in the stomach, then hits a few forearms. Finally, a headbutt sends DSR tumbling to the mat. Bourne gets to his feet on the turnbuckle, and SOARS with the Airbourne!

DSR GETS HIS KNEES UP! Bourne writhes on the mat, as DSR gets to his feet, winding his arm up for the Clothesline from TRL. DSR charges in again, Bourne ducks, but DSR jumps on the middle rope and springboards in a backflip over Bourne, catching him on the way down, and locking in a Dragon Sleeper! Bourne tries to kick his legs toward the ropes, but DSR drags him towards the center of the ring and locks in a leg grapevine. Bourne's stuck, he can't get out, he TAPS!!!

*DING DING DING*

Ring Announcer: The winner of the match, D! S! R!

*DSR relinquishes the hold and climbs the turnbuckles, raising his arms, as the audience cheers him! Bourne gets to his feet, and DSR walks over and shakes the young man's hand. DSR then raises Bourne's arm and the crowd shows their respect for both men. DSR rolls out of the ring and slaps hands with the fans on his way up the entryway towards the back. Cut to commercial.

[Ran Don]

(We come back from commercial as Sum Guy is laying in a pool of blood. Ran Don is standing above him, microphone in his hand.)

For years, I perfected this artform of massacre. For years, I enjoyed making people bleed.

You think this is all new to me? Just because you have never seen me before? In high school, I beat up on the nerds like there was no tomorrow. I wasn't the cool kid. The jocks tried to befriend me & I spit in their faces.

The girls...bah. No girl could keep up with me. Hence, I never had a girlfriend.

I wondered the halls alone. Kicking. Ripping. Punching. Perfecting my future craft.

They thought I was insane after a while.

I started learning it all from what I saw on tv.

ECW caught my eye at first.

Then XPW.

Then CZW.

But Japan...Japan was it's birthplace. Japan was where I grew to love it all.

Japan is where I wound up calling home.

Then I saw it. EWT on tv. And there was a man on that tv. A psychotic man.

Or as you know him...a psychoapeguy.

He likes the taste of his blood. He thinks he's crazy & psychotic. But he has never faced somebody like me. Somebody who has worked with the best.

He's never wrestled in Japan. Japan, where a man like me is feared.

Here in the United Stats, a man like him is a nerd. I want that nerd. I will break that nerd.

And I will take what is his...the EWT Toolshed Championship. And I will show him, as well as you all...what it truly means to be a Toolshed Champion.

[ape]

*a static-filled image fills the toomitron....the scenery, barely visible in the static, appears to be a broken-down, rusted-out playground. psychoapeguy is sitting on a swing....rocking back and forth. after a few minutes he begins to speak.*

ran don....hehe....you're right, i am a nerd....when all the other boys and girls were dating.....when they were trying to be cool....hehe, i was discovering what living creatures look like beneath their skin....hehe...i still remember when big doug houser, the football team captain, made fun of me and tried to bully me around....hehe i remember being especially nerdy that day....i remember slicing open his arm...and running my fingers along the tendons in his open wound....peeling away the flesh to witness the precious inner-workings of the human body....his muscles didn't look so big and bad after being filleted...and he wasn't all that tough when i saw him laying there in a pool of his own blood, crying and trembling with fear as the school's staff gathered around me to pull me away...

*ape slowly gets up from the swing and begins walking towards the camera as his entire body twitches after each step.*

....hehe....and you know what? i've never seen what japanese tendons look like....i remember a teacher telling me in grade school that while we all look different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside...hehe i think my next experiment will be to see if that phrase is true.....hehe afterall, it's what's inside that counts....and when i'm doing my best hollywood hogan impersonation while using your lower intestines are my flashy boas, i think you'll see...hehe...that i've been in the ring with people like you, ran don....hehe....but you have to ask yourself....

*ape pulls a scissors from within his boot and begins to hack away at his arm with it. blood quickly covers his arm. ape, with his face trembling and a wide smile covering his skull, then looks right into the camera*

....have you....hehe....have YOU ever been in the ring with someone like ME?....hehe because when you do, my dearest friend....the rising sun of your career....hehe that rising sun will set....and that sun will be soaked in blood.....hehe....your glorious blood....

*ape licks the blood from the wound on his arm, then places the arm in front of the camera...as the blood begins to fill the lines of the cut, it's revealed that he has cut a japanese flag into his own flesh....the blood quickly overflows from the cuts and drips down, quickly erasing the image of the flag, leaving nothing but a crimson blanket of liquid covering his arm. the camera begins to get more and more static until almost nothing is visible and the only audio that can be heard is snow and the faint sounds of psychoapeguy's manic laughter.*

[dorf]

*clapping noise is made on the Toomitron, the darkness from it appears lighter and its dorf.*

Dorf: Bravo, DSR. Bravo.

*pauses, smirks a little*

I'm glad that you did good in your little match against Evan Bourne, BUT he is far, far away from what he is to my level status here in Extreme. Wrestlecrap. Threaderation.

As for you DSR, that chairshot was not meant to hurt you in any way, shape, or form; all it was, it was just a message sent from me to you that I accept your little proposal.

*pauses*

The chairshot also was also a test to see how strong-willed you are; I still believe that you don't have the stamina that you used to have. You are slowly falling into my trap and it is I who will be the one make your legendary status vindicated in the Ironman Match bout.

*pauses*

That's enough about you, today. I did not focus my air time for...*sigh* you. The man I want to discuss about is Toomigucci, the owner of Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation.

*criss-crosses legs*

I see on the match board that I face an Alexander Jackson Styles, who is a famous wrestler in the indy circuit. I know this match is of pay-per-view quality, but I will play your little game o' fair boss this time.

If I don't get the exact legendary respect from the lockerroom, the arena, or even the ENTIRE world...from this one match, then you will not see me until I face DSR one-on-one. That is all I'm requesting.

*a weak associate comes out of nowhere and whispers into dorf's ear*

I am needed to get back to work at my company, where I am respected by everyone.

*Dorf gets up and leaves as the camera fades to black for an advertisement*