Johnny B. Decent
Patti Mayonnaise
Had one once
Everybody's Favorite Arizonian.
Posts: 31,072
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Post by Johnny B. Decent on Dec 30, 2008 11:18:37 GMT -5
There's just something about me and getting erections at awkard times.
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,285
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Post by Push R Truth on Dec 30, 2008 11:24:34 GMT -5
back in college....
I was at a big house party and I really didn't feel great all night, but I was having fun with my future wife and was doing really well in the Goldeneye Tournament we had going.
Well.... I farted, and crapped my pants. I made it into the bathroom without anybody noticing and noticed that luckily, my undies caught the entire wad of crap. I was able to slip them off and clean myself up in the shower, but I needed to do something with those underwear.
That's when I remembered that I still had a Sharpie in my shirt pocket left over from my last class that day. I quickly wrote one of my friends last names on the tag (so make it look like their's) and I tossed the crap filled undies into the bathtub.
Too this day, everybody blames my buddy for crapping his pants. But only I know the secret.
And now I have to kill all of you.
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Post by Red 'n' Black Reggie on Dec 30, 2008 11:34:35 GMT -5
my entire life is made up of these.
going to a party, seeing a girl who was making eyes at me, who stayed sat down when her friends went off to dance. i ask her to dance, she says no, she just wants to talk or whatever, i playfully insist, pull her to her feet, she collapses to the floor, at which point i notice a nearby folded up wheelchair, and the entire room notices me stood over a floored girl without the use of her legs. it was time to leave.
a girl walking out on me when i corrected her grammar while she was talking dirty. she then proceeded to quote me in front of everyone else she met that night.
the local newspaper doing a piece on "the hopefuls for london 2012", where local athletes met with the MP for the county. as a black belt and a british martial arts open silver medalist (not that anyone's counting), i was one of them. i had a proper debate with the councillor about just about everything he believed in, and i destroyed all of his arguments, while the journalists scribbled quotes of my brilliant points. i then accidentally cupped the nearby mayor's testes during a handshake. in the article, there was no mention of anything i said, but a whole section on the mayor's "close encounter" with, and i quote "local youth".
screwing up my first kiss by sneezing and accidentally headbutting the girl, thus breaking her nose.
meeting geoff capes and throwing up in his face.
the last day of the last year of high school, the teachers wanted to do a sappy montage, so they interviewed students on what they wanted out of life, etc. i didn't take any of it seriously, so when they asked about one day getting married, having kids etc, i said. "i dunno, the standard of girl i could get probably couldn't reproduce anyway. if you've ever seen a pregnant vacuum cleaner then point it out". then when they asked about "my type", my response was "human, living, femal. any two of those three would do", since i knew they wouldn't put that in the final piece, and i didn't really wanna be in it. turns out i was wrong, as the entire school heard of my apparent love of necrophilia, beastiality and buttsecks.
i could go on. i wish i couldn't, but i could.
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Post by The Lunch Break Kid on Dec 30, 2008 11:40:17 GMT -5
a girl walking out on me when i corrected her grammar while she was talking dirty. she then proceeded to quote me in front of everyone else she met that night. I am sorry, but that just made me laugh.
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Post by Childish Gambino on Dec 30, 2008 11:44:00 GMT -5
Well, just counting today. Plying backyard cricket, dropped 3 catches, and got bowled after leaving a delivery that pitched outside off but jagged back and hit leg stump
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Post by willywonka666 on Dec 30, 2008 11:45:10 GMT -5
Oh geez, I'm not gonna tell that. It's easy enough to get in embarrasing situations, I'm certainly not gonna relive it to get even more embarrased
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Strotha
Hank Scorpio
In heaven, everything is fine
Posts: 6,384
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Post by Strotha on Dec 30, 2008 11:49:04 GMT -5
When I was in school, my teachers frequently embarrassed me.They hated me.
A good example was when my fourth grade teacher told me an essay I wrote was worthless and made me tear it up in front of the whole class.
It's not as bad as shitting myself, but it made me feel like a real douche.
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Post by willywonka666 on Dec 30, 2008 11:50:46 GMT -5
When I was in school, my teachers frequently embarrassed me.They hated me. A good example was when my fourth grade teacher told me an essay I wrote was worthless and made me tear it up in front of the whole class. It's not as bad as excretory matterting myself, but it made me feel like a real douche. that teacher was waaay in the wrong on that one. It's little shit like that, that can stay with a person throughout life
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Post by Childish Gambino on Dec 30, 2008 11:53:28 GMT -5
When I was in school, my teachers frequently embarrassed me.They hated me. A good example was when my fourth grade teacher told me an essay I wrote was worthless and made me tear it up in front of the whole class. It's not as bad as excretory matterting myself, but it made me feel like a real douche. that teacher was waaay in the wrong on that one. It's little excretory matter like that, that can stay with a person throughout life It was the week before christmas, and I was drawing a reindeer. My teacher said it looked like an ugly frog. I cried for hours when I got home. An ugly frog? Bitch please, GTFO
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Dec 30, 2008 11:57:10 GMT -5
When I was 9, I was sitting in the backseat of my parents' car, and I was messing around with a toy airplane. Somehow I accidentally moved the gear stick and sent the car rolling down the driveway.
Had it not been for a well-placed palm tree, I would have crashed through the living room of our neighbors across the street.
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Post by Childish Gambino on Dec 30, 2008 12:03:27 GMT -5
When I was 9, I was sitting in the backseat of my parents' car, and I was messing around with a toy airplane. Somehow I accidentally moved the gear stick and sent the car rolling down the driveway. Had it not been for a well-placed palm tree, I would have crashed through the living room of our neighbors across the street. That is scary. I have reoccuring dreams about the exact same thing, except I force myself to wakeup before I drive into the house
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sryans
Don Corleone
BROOKLYN, BROOKLYN
Posts: 2,001
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Post by sryans on Dec 30, 2008 12:05:28 GMT -5
When I was in school, my teachers frequently embarrassed me.They hated me. A good example was when my fourth grade teacher told me an essay I wrote was worthless and made me tear it up in front of the whole class. It's not as bad as excretory matterting myself, but it made me feel like a real douche. A teacher did the exact same thing to me. For my English class last year we had to write a persuasive essay on something (can't remember what it was.) And I did it at like, 2 AM the night before it was due, and I was so lazy in writing the essay it was unbelievable. I was tired the next day and when I am tired I become a smartass, like words release themselves from my body without me thinking and it is normally the most sarcastic thing I could possibly think of. So in the middle of class the next day the teacher said "[my name here], your essay is terrible." and I said "Sorry sir, I know I had time to do it but I was too busy f***ing your wife." The in-school-suspension was totally worth it.
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Post by bibboid on Dec 30, 2008 14:22:31 GMT -5
At college in the mid 80s, my expository writing professor had me get up in front of the class and read my homework essay. My classmates kept snickering as I was reading. When I finished I looked down and saw big red stain on my crotch.
I had eaten a hot dog just before class and dropped ketchup on myself. And yes, I was wearing white pants that day.
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Post by "Sweet & Sour" ImSoFudginGreat on Dec 30, 2008 16:20:08 GMT -5
When a girl at school accused me of jacking it into a sock and the entire school called me "sock boy" for an entire year.
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Post by A Dubya (El Hombre Muerto) on Dec 31, 2008 1:47:24 GMT -5
the last day of the last year of high school, the teachers wanted to do a sappy montage, so they interviewed students on what they wanted out of life, etc. i didn't take any of it seriously, so when they asked about one day getting married, having kids etc, i said. "i dunno, the standard of girl i could get probably couldn't reproduce anyway. if you've ever seen a pregnant vacuum cleaner then point it out". then when they asked about "my type", my response was "human, living, femal. any two of those three would do", since i knew they wouldn't put that in the final piece, and i didn't really wanna be in it. turns out i was wrong, as the entire school heard of my apparent love of necrophilia, beastiality and buttsecks. i could go on. i wish i couldn't, but i could. back in college.... I was at a big house party and I really didn't feel great all night, but I was having fun with my future wife and was doing really well in the Goldeneye Tournament we had going. Well.... I farted, and crapped my pants. I made it into the bathroom without anybody noticing and noticed that luckily, my undies caught the entire wad of crap. I was able to slip them off and clean myself up in the shower, but I needed to do something with those underwear. That's when I remembered that I still had a Sharpie in my shirt pocket left over from my last class that day. I quickly wrote one of my friends last names on the tag (so make it look like their's) and I tossed the crap filled undies into the bathtub. Too this day, everybody blames my buddy for crapping his pants. But only I know the secret. And now I have to kill all of you. ;D ;D ;D Funny as hell, guys.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2008 1:58:20 GMT -5
well...
Grade 9 Halloween i went as a girl... didn't know it until lunch when i got ambushed, stuffed in a dress, make-up piled on me, and my nails done
Grade 10 i went as a belly dancer... and got asked out by 3 guys and one girl... to this day i don't know if they were serious or joking
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Rube
Hank Scorpio
Sammich Bogart
It's always the same and it's always different.
Posts: 5,619
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Post by Rube on Dec 31, 2008 2:15:54 GMT -5
My friend's mom caught me smelling her worn panties when I was about 8 years old. I don't think I ever went back to his house.
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Post by A Dubya (El Hombre Muerto) on Dec 31, 2008 2:22:32 GMT -5
^Was she aroused?
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Rube
Hank Scorpio
Sammich Bogart
It's always the same and it's always different.
Posts: 5,619
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Post by Rube on Dec 31, 2008 2:25:27 GMT -5
She was horrified. Her expression looked like she had just gazed into the pits of hell. Once the initial shock wore off, she turned and bolted.
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Post by A Dubya (El Hombre Muerto) on Dec 31, 2008 2:28:55 GMT -5
Awww.
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