Post by GuyOfOwnage on Dec 30, 2008 2:27:06 GMT -5
Welcome to another edition of WWE closed captions, brought to you Canada's very own The Score! This week, someone apparently forgot to give the closed captions folks a dose of salt peter, as I think we have once again set a record for the number of gay references in a single show. Hold on tight, and try to think straight thoughts.
Raw's opening theme music apparently says "I've got to drop the ice and never think twice."
Michael Cole welcomes us to Raw by saying "We are live and soiled ourselves in New Hampshire!" He says, "My race climaxes here tonight."
Ray Miss Tearing Up makes his entrance. He says that last week, he was seconds away from getting a 69 on JBL. Sean Williams struck JBL and got Ray disqualified. Rey asks Shawn Micahelses to please come out of here. Shawn's entrance music contains the lyrics, "I think I'm mute, I know I'm Lex." Rey Mysterio wants to get off on Shawn's chest. He says, "I want you to be honorable and rape me here tonight." JBL enters and says Shawn will only be in the Road to the rumbling match. As Shawn walks away, Rey calls after him, "Shawn, pee, Shawn". He follows up, "All the money in the world can't make up for selling your salt." After this, Mike Knox jumps on Rey Mysterio's behind. John Sleeper, the Girl Champion, makes the save. He is doing what Shawn Michaels didn't have the auction to do. Rey is staring at Bullet Knox.
Backstage, we see Legacy. Randy Orton says they can be bigger than the Four Doors Men, bigger than sex, and bigger than Eat Her Loofa. Orton says that this group doesn't tolerate loose fur. He turns to Cody and says "Cody, word up".
Rogue Roads will face CM Dunk, whose theme song apparently contains the lyrics "I am made of fail." Michael Cole says, "I would love to beat Cody Rhodes and be in Orton." William Regal enters, and we are honored by the presents of the continents. Cody Ross wants to be a part of Leg AC. Hall of Famer Cody Rhodes likes being between the legs of Punk. He was voted as having the Best Air of 2008. Cody is in command of Nelson. William Regal holds the Intercontinental Identity SNL. CM Punk is sacrificing his booty for a shot at the Intercontinental title. Cody sighs on CM Punk's head. He wins by a count on. Punk takes exception, and starts a fight with birds on streak. CM Punk will have a massage for William Regal.
John Cena meets Stephanie McMahon backstage, and refers to Mike Adamle as "My Adamle". He says, "Walk, I'm away".
Goldust appears on screen and says he is hot for Jeff Hardy. He talks about Sanity that Morall Of. He is the man noun as Rodust.
Batista sent the season in the hospital on Birmingham, Alabama. Orton delivers the bums to Batista. Michael Cole exclaims, "My Viper struck again!" As the doctors explain Batista's surgery, they say, "That gives us access to his gooey muscle."
Up next in a Six-deeper match, featuring Malteser, Mickie Jake, Cuddle Me, Gillian Hall, and Kansas Michelle. Santino and The Glam Son, Beth Feeds Hicks, do commentary. Santino says that Beth can eat the other Divas' butts. Referring to Melina and Mickie, we are told "These two women are hot gays". Lawler asks Santino about the ugly flirt he got for Christmas. Melina will give head at the Royal Rumble. When Beth attacks, Santino says, "Out goes the garage". An unidentified woman by the name of Roser appears. Rose Sa is taken away by security.
Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews Chris Paul. He says that he has been named to jerk off here. He will be in the anal fourway tonight.
Sim Snuka faces Super Hot Charlie Snitska. Initiation is the greatest form of flattening. Randy orton pressed inside Rhodes, Manu, and Snuka. Simon Snuka is trying to wear down heart. Charlie Haas is the shadey Hall of Famer. Simple Snuka avoids the Superfly Splash. Sim Hooker wins the match. Sim's son, Sim, has passed phase one.
Steph McCain set up this next match. The opening lyric of John Cena's theme apparently says, "I'm Al Gore". Tonight, John Cena weighs in at 8240 pounds. He wanetd to close out Stephanie McMahon with a bang. Rey Mysterio is next, and the lyrics to his theme apparently say "69, that's my mom". The opening to Kofi Kingston's theme says "Your gnome". Michael Cole thinks he is shacking up with a great team. The words "Yo, check it out, it's Prime Time" are heard to signify Cryme Tyme's entrance, who weigh in at a combined 225 pounds. Michael Cole learned a new word on Word Up this week, that being "Ride donkey lust". Mike Knox was physically pooping Rey. Miz and Morrison are at a combined weight of 4500 pounds. Adult Ziggler makes his entrance next. Finally, weighing in at 2.93 pounds, Mike Knox! Michael Cole talks about the monstrous c***s in this match. Knox bushed Rey. J.T.B. is in the ring before tagging out to Coking Kingston. This is a 100 Man Teaming Match. After a commercial break, Michael Cole welcomes us back with "We are back live getting it on." We saw Randy Orton issue an Ultimate Superstar. Mantle still has a match tonight. Rey Mysterio had creamy thighs with glacier. Dolly Ziggler tags in. Elf Ziggler takes his turn bagging Mysterio. Mysterio is going to need cum his back. He spent the past few movants on Mike Knox. Michael Cole exclaims, "Whoa! Sucking big!" in regards to Mysterio's comeback. John Cena gets tagged in. The champ is in the mat. Mike Knox gets 2008 bangs. Mysterio has to be on cloud mike after this match. Michael Cole says afterward, "How good did that feel for Mysterio, it was for me."
Todd Grisham is backstage with Shawn Michaels and asks him if he wants to have a good time. When it comes to WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels is going to steal the shower. Chris Eric will also be in the match tonight.
When Kelly Kelly confronts Randy Orton, Orton says to her, "The last thing I need is a big rack like you."
Manu makes his way to the ring. Michael Cole wonders "What fade away Manu". The Hardys will face Etch a Big Show Friday on Smackdown. Manu can't put anything in Stephanie McMahon. Matt Hardy, his opponent, won the Unique Scramble. Manu must be wondering, "How do I hoard Matt Hardy." Will Manu remain leg sexy? He has great splociveness. Cole starts talking about Manu, and apparently becomes excited, as evidenced by this piece of dialogue "That extra weight, when he covers you - ohh!" As long Matt puts his art up, he'll be okay. Manu can no longer be a groupie. Matt Hardy is having difficulty with Manu's 300-pound cream. Manu executes a drop toad hold. Manu might not have what it takes to put Matt Hardy gay. After a Twist of Fate, Matt Hardy whiz! Manu fainted. Now he has to walk to the end of the locker room and tell Orton that to inhale.
We get another behind the scenes glance at Mr. Kennedy's new movie, Behind Enemy Lines: Canada.
Now, it's time for the Racial Rumble Fatal Fourway Match. The opening to Randy Orton's theme contains the lyric, "I have oysters in my bed". A punt to Batista's head was sats fiing. He would win a World title match if he completes this racist Royal Rumble. He has colt flowing through his vains. Out next is the Fart Break Kid, Sharmell! Smell Michaels makes his way to the ring. A countdown, followed by the lyrics, "Come on you yeah, break your wallet" signifies Chris Jericho's entrance. He won the 2008 Jerking Year Award. The CCs even caption the intro to JBL's theme, was simply typing "Moooooooooooooooo" with a set of musical notes. Introducing now, John Bradshaw Michaels! This is the man event, according to Michael Cole. Sean Michaels is on the verge of spank up seed. If you eliminate s***, you're out of the match. The winner gets a ticket to John Cena's face for the World title. Cole starts talking about the masculine body of Randy Orton. He then proceeds to talk about Jericho's smile, as well as the skirt apparently on his face. Shawn Michaelses enters the match. He once said to Jericho, "You will never be Shawn Mikeles". Jericho is limited. Michael Cole says, "We are now down to me". After one more commercial break, we are back on Monday Fight Raw. JBL is sleeping on top of Randy Orton. He's itching to get it in. Even Tripping H talked to Shawn Miguel about his financial difficulties. Randy Orton is sucking on every appendage sticking out of JBL's body. He didn't pull rick, however. Orton is eliminated when Michaels delivers Sweet Chin Music to the ring. When JBL wants Shawn to lay down, Lawler keeps saying "Do him Shawn". JBL wins and becomes #1 pretender.
And that is all for this week, and all for this year! Would anyone be interested in having a mini-tournament for Worst Closed Caption of the Year? Lord knows there's been enough to warrant one. Let me know what you think. Other than that, tune in after Smackdown this week for another (hopefully less gay) set of WWE closed captions.
Raw's opening theme music apparently says "I've got to drop the ice and never think twice."
Michael Cole welcomes us to Raw by saying "We are live and soiled ourselves in New Hampshire!" He says, "My race climaxes here tonight."
Ray Miss Tearing Up makes his entrance. He says that last week, he was seconds away from getting a 69 on JBL. Sean Williams struck JBL and got Ray disqualified. Rey asks Shawn Micahelses to please come out of here. Shawn's entrance music contains the lyrics, "I think I'm mute, I know I'm Lex." Rey Mysterio wants to get off on Shawn's chest. He says, "I want you to be honorable and rape me here tonight." JBL enters and says Shawn will only be in the Road to the rumbling match. As Shawn walks away, Rey calls after him, "Shawn, pee, Shawn". He follows up, "All the money in the world can't make up for selling your salt." After this, Mike Knox jumps on Rey Mysterio's behind. John Sleeper, the Girl Champion, makes the save. He is doing what Shawn Michaels didn't have the auction to do. Rey is staring at Bullet Knox.
Backstage, we see Legacy. Randy Orton says they can be bigger than the Four Doors Men, bigger than sex, and bigger than Eat Her Loofa. Orton says that this group doesn't tolerate loose fur. He turns to Cody and says "Cody, word up".
Rogue Roads will face CM Dunk, whose theme song apparently contains the lyrics "I am made of fail." Michael Cole says, "I would love to beat Cody Rhodes and be in Orton." William Regal enters, and we are honored by the presents of the continents. Cody Ross wants to be a part of Leg AC. Hall of Famer Cody Rhodes likes being between the legs of Punk. He was voted as having the Best Air of 2008. Cody is in command of Nelson. William Regal holds the Intercontinental Identity SNL. CM Punk is sacrificing his booty for a shot at the Intercontinental title. Cody sighs on CM Punk's head. He wins by a count on. Punk takes exception, and starts a fight with birds on streak. CM Punk will have a massage for William Regal.
John Cena meets Stephanie McMahon backstage, and refers to Mike Adamle as "My Adamle". He says, "Walk, I'm away".
Goldust appears on screen and says he is hot for Jeff Hardy. He talks about Sanity that Morall Of. He is the man noun as Rodust.
Batista sent the season in the hospital on Birmingham, Alabama. Orton delivers the bums to Batista. Michael Cole exclaims, "My Viper struck again!" As the doctors explain Batista's surgery, they say, "That gives us access to his gooey muscle."
Up next in a Six-deeper match, featuring Malteser, Mickie Jake, Cuddle Me, Gillian Hall, and Kansas Michelle. Santino and The Glam Son, Beth Feeds Hicks, do commentary. Santino says that Beth can eat the other Divas' butts. Referring to Melina and Mickie, we are told "These two women are hot gays". Lawler asks Santino about the ugly flirt he got for Christmas. Melina will give head at the Royal Rumble. When Beth attacks, Santino says, "Out goes the garage". An unidentified woman by the name of Roser appears. Rose Sa is taken away by security.
Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews Chris Paul. He says that he has been named to jerk off here. He will be in the anal fourway tonight.
Sim Snuka faces Super Hot Charlie Snitska. Initiation is the greatest form of flattening. Randy orton pressed inside Rhodes, Manu, and Snuka. Simon Snuka is trying to wear down heart. Charlie Haas is the shadey Hall of Famer. Simple Snuka avoids the Superfly Splash. Sim Hooker wins the match. Sim's son, Sim, has passed phase one.
Steph McCain set up this next match. The opening lyric of John Cena's theme apparently says, "I'm Al Gore". Tonight, John Cena weighs in at 8240 pounds. He wanetd to close out Stephanie McMahon with a bang. Rey Mysterio is next, and the lyrics to his theme apparently say "69, that's my mom". The opening to Kofi Kingston's theme says "Your gnome". Michael Cole thinks he is shacking up with a great team. The words "Yo, check it out, it's Prime Time" are heard to signify Cryme Tyme's entrance, who weigh in at a combined 225 pounds. Michael Cole learned a new word on Word Up this week, that being "Ride donkey lust". Mike Knox was physically pooping Rey. Miz and Morrison are at a combined weight of 4500 pounds. Adult Ziggler makes his entrance next. Finally, weighing in at 2.93 pounds, Mike Knox! Michael Cole talks about the monstrous c***s in this match. Knox bushed Rey. J.T.B. is in the ring before tagging out to Coking Kingston. This is a 100 Man Teaming Match. After a commercial break, Michael Cole welcomes us back with "We are back live getting it on." We saw Randy Orton issue an Ultimate Superstar. Mantle still has a match tonight. Rey Mysterio had creamy thighs with glacier. Dolly Ziggler tags in. Elf Ziggler takes his turn bagging Mysterio. Mysterio is going to need cum his back. He spent the past few movants on Mike Knox. Michael Cole exclaims, "Whoa! Sucking big!" in regards to Mysterio's comeback. John Cena gets tagged in. The champ is in the mat. Mike Knox gets 2008 bangs. Mysterio has to be on cloud mike after this match. Michael Cole says afterward, "How good did that feel for Mysterio, it was for me."
Todd Grisham is backstage with Shawn Michaels and asks him if he wants to have a good time. When it comes to WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels is going to steal the shower. Chris Eric will also be in the match tonight.
When Kelly Kelly confronts Randy Orton, Orton says to her, "The last thing I need is a big rack like you."
Manu makes his way to the ring. Michael Cole wonders "What fade away Manu". The Hardys will face Etch a Big Show Friday on Smackdown. Manu can't put anything in Stephanie McMahon. Matt Hardy, his opponent, won the Unique Scramble. Manu must be wondering, "How do I hoard Matt Hardy." Will Manu remain leg sexy? He has great splociveness. Cole starts talking about Manu, and apparently becomes excited, as evidenced by this piece of dialogue "That extra weight, when he covers you - ohh!" As long Matt puts his art up, he'll be okay. Manu can no longer be a groupie. Matt Hardy is having difficulty with Manu's 300-pound cream. Manu executes a drop toad hold. Manu might not have what it takes to put Matt Hardy gay. After a Twist of Fate, Matt Hardy whiz! Manu fainted. Now he has to walk to the end of the locker room and tell Orton that to inhale.
We get another behind the scenes glance at Mr. Kennedy's new movie, Behind Enemy Lines: Canada.
Now, it's time for the Racial Rumble Fatal Fourway Match. The opening to Randy Orton's theme contains the lyric, "I have oysters in my bed". A punt to Batista's head was sats fiing. He would win a World title match if he completes this racist Royal Rumble. He has colt flowing through his vains. Out next is the Fart Break Kid, Sharmell! Smell Michaels makes his way to the ring. A countdown, followed by the lyrics, "Come on you yeah, break your wallet" signifies Chris Jericho's entrance. He won the 2008 Jerking Year Award. The CCs even caption the intro to JBL's theme, was simply typing "Moooooooooooooooo" with a set of musical notes. Introducing now, John Bradshaw Michaels! This is the man event, according to Michael Cole. Sean Michaels is on the verge of spank up seed. If you eliminate s***, you're out of the match. The winner gets a ticket to John Cena's face for the World title. Cole starts talking about the masculine body of Randy Orton. He then proceeds to talk about Jericho's smile, as well as the skirt apparently on his face. Shawn Michaelses enters the match. He once said to Jericho, "You will never be Shawn Mikeles". Jericho is limited. Michael Cole says, "We are now down to me". After one more commercial break, we are back on Monday Fight Raw. JBL is sleeping on top of Randy Orton. He's itching to get it in. Even Tripping H talked to Shawn Miguel about his financial difficulties. Randy Orton is sucking on every appendage sticking out of JBL's body. He didn't pull rick, however. Orton is eliminated when Michaels delivers Sweet Chin Music to the ring. When JBL wants Shawn to lay down, Lawler keeps saying "Do him Shawn". JBL wins and becomes #1 pretender.
And that is all for this week, and all for this year! Would anyone be interested in having a mini-tournament for Worst Closed Caption of the Year? Lord knows there's been enough to warrant one. Let me know what you think. Other than that, tune in after Smackdown this week for another (hopefully less gay) set of WWE closed captions.