Jazzman
King Koopa
Trombone Shorty > Your Favorite Musician
Posts: 11,231
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Post by Jazzman on Aug 14, 2009 11:59:12 GMT -5
This just in to WFL headquarters. The Calgary Comets are experiencing a near riot at training camp involving the fans of Calgary. Hockey Pucks and sticks are being thrown at the Comet players as Calgary fans don't want to have to pick between the Flames and this new look football team. One fan said "Whatever happened to the Stampeders, eh?" Then our man on the scene was brutally assaulted with goalie sticks and hip checks, we wish him the best.
Also, some other late breaking news into the WFL headquarters at this hour. The Beijing Bandits have called off today's press conference due to low journalist turnout. Many people believe this has to do with Chinese Censorship, but the Beijing President said in a prepared statement, "This is a part of our program, no media allowed in! We will train like dragons and be focused!"
Come back later for updates on these late breaking stories, until then, I'm Deion Marino
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Vizier
Dennis Stamp
Snugglin' you back to health
Posts: 3,531
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Post by Vizier on Aug 16, 2009 3:43:02 GMT -5
How do we know that the Dragons aren't using illicit substances?
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Post by odysseus on Aug 17, 2009 15:49:18 GMT -5
In other Wrestlecrap Football League news, it's been confirmed that Greek-American, Jesse Katsopolis signed on as the new VP of Marketing for the Athens Eagles. At his press conference, Katsopolis remarked:
"It is an honor to become the VP of Marketing for the Athens Eagles. As a Greek-American, I know Greek culture, and I know American football. I cannot wait to combine the best of both worlds to make this market successful. As a result, Jesse and the Rippers will play at the first ever home game of the Athens Eagles during halftime. We will sing the #1 hit song of Japan in the mid 1990's, "Forever." I cannot wait for the season to start. I have a feeling that when it is all said and done, every team that will play the Eagles will be begging them to "have merrrrrrcy" on them. Capice?"
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Post by odysseus on Aug 17, 2009 16:25:00 GMT -5
Hello all, I'm Vancouver Vampire corespondent, Farhan Lalji. Since the city of Vancouver has been rewarded a WFL franchise, the city has been buzzing for the league to commence. However, not too many people are happy with the division Vancouver is in:
*Camera shows a liberal douchebag hippy hanging outside the Vancouver Art gallery*
LDH: I think it is ignorant to put Vancouver in the Madison division. We're too far away from the other places. Our Carbon Footprint is going to be through the roof! I'm for football, but not when Global Warming is affecting our world. I also think it's ignorant that the other teams in the division have not taken any initiative to make their stadium and city greener for the environment. I advise the other teams in the division to start recycling, and use power only when it is an emergency. Also, Allentown is not vegan friendly. That's just ignorant. They believe in killing animals to eat. That's just so ignorant. Animals are just like people. They have the right to live in harmony with us, m'kay? I demand we be removed from these backwards savages. *Throws a recyclable cup in the garbage, to reveal a Nike swoosh on the side of his shirt*
*camera cuts to red neck conservative guy*
RCG: Ya know, these places that are coming to Vancouver, they aren't even from Canada! They don't like to hunt, and their cities are ugly. I DEMAND the Premier, whateverhisnameis to build the Vancouver Wall! We don't want people from other countries comin' to our great city, and take our jobs!
*Red neck in the background* DIRK DUR JUUURRRRRRRBS!*
RCG: Damn right. Besides, these places aren't even in the same league as Vancouver. Our housing market is going to dip because some guy from Allentown came to our city, and TAKE OUR JOBS!
*Camera cuts to a drugged out college Student*
DOCS: Dude, I'm so hungry. I think it's awesome that we got a football team. The Vancouver, uh, what?
Farhan Lalji: The Vampires.
DOCS: Vampires! OH MY GOD DUDE! I'm tripping out! Holy shit! Vampires!?! The apocalypse is amongst us mannnnn! Dude. Dude! Oh man, I don't like Vampires. I once went to this Vampire club, and they took all my stash, dude. They can't take it again, man. I gotta go to the woods and hideout there. Save yourself, bro!
*Cuts back to a creeped out Farhan Lalji*
FL: Whatever division Vancouver is in, the fans will expect them to compete. In the end, it will not matter division they are in as long as they win. From Vancouver, I'm Farhan Lalji
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Lupin the Third
Patti Mayonnaise
I'm sorry.....I love you. *boot to the head*--3rd most culpable in the jixing of NXT, D'oh!
Join the Dark Order....
Posts: 36,330
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Post by Lupin the Third on Aug 17, 2009 17:40:07 GMT -5
This just in to WFL headquarters. The Calgary Comets are experiencing a near riot at training camp involving the fans of Calgary. Hockey Pucks and sticks are being thrown at the Comet players as Calgary fans don't want to have to pick between the Flames and this new look football team. One fan said "Whatever happened to the Stampeders, eh?" Then our man on the scene was brutally assaulted with goalie sticks and hip checks, we wish him the best. Also, some other late breaking news into the WFL headquarters at this hour. The Beijing Bandits have called off today's press conference due to low journalist turnout. Many people believe this has to do with Chinese Censorship, but the Beijing President said in a prepared statement, "This is a part of our program, no media allowed in! We will train like dragons and be focused!" Come back later for updates on these late breaking stories, until then, I'm Deion Marino You know what's gonna piss off Calgary Flames fans even more? The Calgary Comets are using the same logo.
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Jazzman
King Koopa
Trombone Shorty > Your Favorite Musician
Posts: 11,231
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Post by Jazzman on Aug 17, 2009 18:12:39 GMT -5
NEWFLASH: A near full scale riot in Calgary today as Comets owners unveiled the new logo, a complete replica of the Flames logo with only the colors changed. 17 people are hurt in what is being described as the largest riot in Calgary since November 9, 1997.
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Lupin the Third
Patti Mayonnaise
I'm sorry.....I love you. *boot to the head*--3rd most culpable in the jixing of NXT, D'oh!
Join the Dark Order....
Posts: 36,330
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Post by Lupin the Third on Aug 17, 2009 19:07:40 GMT -5
Also, the Commissioner has announced that instead of 8-man football, the league will be playing 11-man football, due to the issue that the game will not allow them to play 8-man on a full field. Which is stupid.
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Vizier
Dennis Stamp
Snugglin' you back to health
Posts: 3,531
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Post by Vizier on Aug 17, 2009 20:09:20 GMT -5
WFL News - August 17, 2009 - The Swansea Red Dragons have announced that for all home games, proud Welshman Tom Jones will be providing in-stadium entertainment. Halftime is expected to be a lip-synched version of "It's Not Unusual" each game, while Tom Jones flirts with any middle-aged women in the crowd, and, if the Red Dragons win, he is expected to sing "What's New Pussycat" to the opponents, after the game.
Truly, an unsportsmanlike group out of Swansea, not representing the courteous and wonderful Welsh populous.
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Lupin the Third
Patti Mayonnaise
I'm sorry.....I love you. *boot to the head*--3rd most culpable in the jixing of NXT, D'oh!
Join the Dark Order....
Posts: 36,330
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Post by Lupin the Third on Aug 18, 2009 20:45:44 GMT -5
Hello, this is Jonny Gomez, reporting from Lincoln, NE. Earlier this week, before Favre signed with the Minnesota Vikings, he was planning on signing with the Lincoln Lightning of the WFL. We have exclusive footage of what went down.
*Shows Favre meeting with the GM of the Lightning. They discuss things, then all of a sudden, the GM bursts out laughing for some apparent reason. Favre tries to argue his case, but the GM stops and turns on a CD Player. Then, this starts to play:
Favre walked out dejected, as the GM blared the music from his office, confusing the hell out of coworkers.*
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Post by Se7en: Horse That Wrote Poems on Aug 18, 2009 22:23:43 GMT -5
AP: NEWS 08/18/09
In a stunning move, the Grand Rapids Fighting Pike of the WFL's Deus Ex Division have announced that they will use a number of creative and risktaking moves as part of running their franchise:
-Players will be expected to try performance-enhancing drugs. "Hey, why not?" said General Manager Jay Van Andel. -Fans will be chosen at random to help run the franchise. "Coach for a Day" and "General Manager for a Day" contests will be held regularly to allow regular Joes to run their favorite football team. -Cheerleaders will be encouraged to sleep with, and later extort, the players.
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BR329
King Koopa
Support the WWF
Posts: 11,477
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Post by BR329 on Aug 18, 2009 22:54:50 GMT -5
This just in! The Allentown Ambassadors had hired there GM someone with experience and local ties. The GM.......Matt Millen. 6.4 seconds after the announcment angry fans burned Ambassador Stadium to the ground setting an new world record. Ambassador ownership then fired Millen for another local hero that we all know and love. Billy Kidman!
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Aug 18, 2009 23:49:30 GMT -5
Breaking News! Sweden Icestorm fans turn out in droves to purchase season tickets for the inaugural season of Icestorm football. Unfortunately, nearly half of the tickets purchased were returned immediately when fans realized that the Icestorm were an American-style football team, and not a soccer team. Said one would-be fan: "American football is a crap sport! The ball even looks like a turd!" Despite the ticket returns, the Icestorm are expected to sell out the first game against an opponent to be determined.
Also breaking at this hour, the Manitoba Mavericks have inked a deal with fictional cigarette company, Manitoba Cigarettes, of King of the Hill fame. When asked about the deal, Mavericks GM Barry Sullivan replied: "We're excited about this partnership. This deal should be beneficial to both parties." When reminded of the fact that the Manitoba Cigarette Company exists only in the realm of a cartoon, Sullivan replied: "Yeah, and wrestling is fake right? What do you think I am, some kind of idjit? Get out of my office! This press conference is over!" Let it be known that this was a phone interview, and Mr. Sullivan was in his car at the time. Despite these follies, recent polls show that fans have more faith in Mr. Sullivan overall as a professional football General Manager than Matt Millen.
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Lupin the Third
Patti Mayonnaise
I'm sorry.....I love you. *boot to the head*--3rd most culpable in the jixing of NXT, D'oh!
Join the Dark Order....
Posts: 36,330
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Post by Lupin the Third on Aug 19, 2009 20:59:13 GMT -5
This Just In:
Earlier today, at the Main Office in Sioux Falls, the Sioux Falls Outlaws signed former Miami Dolphins kicker, Ray "The Mule" Finkle.
Finkle, known for his soccer style kick, was a star for the Miami Dolphins in the mid-80's. He, along with Dan Marino, led the Dolphins to Super Bowl XIX, where he missed the game-winning field goal in the closing moments. From there, Finkle was cut the following season. He delved into the pits of madness, especially over Dan Marino, usually spouting "Laces out, Dan" at spontaneous moments. Later, he was arrested after kidnapping the Dolphins' mascot and Dan Marino, but stopped by Ace Ventura, pet detective. Years later, Finkle and Marino met up, and the issue was settled between the two.
"I just want to get back to kicking," Finkle said in an interview earlier. "I'm happy that the Sioux Falls Outlaws have given me this opportunity. I will try to make the most of it."
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Vizier
Dennis Stamp
Snugglin' you back to health
Posts: 3,531
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Post by Vizier on Aug 20, 2009 0:40:48 GMT -5
This Just In: Earlier today, at the Main Office in Sioux Falls, the Sioux Falls Outlaws signed former Miami Dolphins kicker, Ray "The Mule" Finkle. Finkle, known for his soccer style kick, was a star for the Miami Dolphins in the mid-80's. He, along with Dan Marino, led the Dolphins to Super Bowl XIX, where he missed the game-winning field goal in the closing moments. From there, Finkle was cut the following season. He delved into the pits of madness, especially over Dan Marino, usually spouting "Laces out, Dan" at spontaneous moments. Later, he was arrested after kidnapping the Dolphins' mascot and Dan Marino, but stopped by Ace Ventura, pet detective. Years later, Finkle and Marino met up, and the issue was settled between the two. "I just want to get back to kicking," Finkle said in an interview earlier. "I'm happy that the Sioux Falls Outlaws have given me this opportunity. I will try to make the most of it." Who is Ray Finkle? Does he have anything to do with Lois Einhorn?
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Aug 20, 2009 2:11:20 GMT -5
This Just In: Earlier today, at the Main Office in Sioux Falls, the Sioux Falls Outlaws signed former Miami Dolphins kicker, Ray "The Mule" Finkle. Finkle, known for his soccer style kick, was a star for the Miami Dolphins in the mid-80's. He, along with Dan Marino, led the Dolphins to Super Bowl XIX, where he missed the game-winning field goal in the closing moments. From there, Finkle was cut the following season. He delved into the pits of madness, especially over Dan Marino, usually spouting "Laces out, Dan" at spontaneous moments. Later, he was arrested after kidnapping the Dolphins' mascot and Dan Marino, but stopped by Ace Ventura, pet detective. Years later, Finkle and Marino met up, and the issue was settled between the two. "I just want to get back to kicking," Finkle said in an interview earlier. "I'm happy that the Sioux Falls Outlaws have given me this opportunity. I will try to make the most of it." Who is Ray Finkle? Does he have anything to do with Lois Einhorn? Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. ... ... EINHORN IS A MAN! ... Oh God...
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Vizier
Dennis Stamp
Snugglin' you back to health
Posts: 3,531
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Post by Vizier on Aug 20, 2009 4:22:57 GMT -5
Who is Ray Finkle? Does he have anything to do with Lois Einhorn? Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. ... ... EINHORN IS A MAN! ... Oh God... *Cue The Crying Game*
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Post by odysseus on Aug 21, 2009 4:10:00 GMT -5
So. . . how about we have a draft soon?
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Vizier
Dennis Stamp
Snugglin' you back to health
Posts: 3,531
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Post by Vizier on Aug 21, 2009 4:20:05 GMT -5
So. . . how about we have a draft soon? *Opens up some Millers for everybody* *rimshot*
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Aug 21, 2009 11:50:52 GMT -5
So. . . how about we have a draft soon? *Opens up some Millers for everybody* *rimshot* I'll have 64 oz of *insert competitors beer here*
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Post by odysseus on Aug 21, 2009 13:16:55 GMT -5
So. . . how about we have a draft soon? *Opens up some Millers for everybody* *rimshot* Millers? Screw that! They don't pay me enough to endorse their beer! Someone get me some Dos Equis pronto
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