Post by angryfan on Jul 27, 2006 22:41:20 GMT -5
Haven't done one in a while, and admittedly, I'm feeling under the weather. Not my best, but I'm trying to get back in the swing of writing them. Here ya go.
(Scene opens with the Trips Express pulling up outside a local gentleman’s club. HHH, Flair, Shawn Michaels, Charlie Haas, Jerry Lawler, and Rico exit)
HBK: Hey, this doesn’t look like a zoo. Hunter, you said we were going to the zoo.
HHH: Oh, right, uh, sorry. See, this is one of those virtual reality zoos.
HBK: Virtual reality?
HHH: Yeah. (he hands Shawn a children’s viewmaster, complete with a disk of random safari creatures, attached to a baseball cap) Put this on.
HBK: You’re sure about this?
HHH: Have I ever lead you wrong?
HBK: Well…I’m pretty sure some stuff happened back in 1996, but my memory is a little hazy.
HHH: Water under the bridge, just put it on.
Lawler: (foaming at the mouth) Can we hurry up? These dollars don’t spend themselves.
Charlie: Jerry, those are ShopZone gift certificates.
Lawler: They still spend, right?
Rico: (scanning the building) This architecture is hideous. All these posters and dark windows are sooooo 1980’s.
Lawler: (impatiently) Can we go now? I want to see puppies! Cute puppies, with their little pink noses –
HBK: (cutting him off) Hunter, what kind of zoo has puppies?
HHH: (scrambling) Uh, well, it’s virtual reality, so, um, there’s any animal you can think of. Yeah. Come on guys.
(the groups enters the club, and proceed past the bouncer. Upon spotting the stage, Lawler goes into convulsions, and explodes like the fat man in The Meaning Of Life)
Rico: (looking on disgustedly) I am so not cleaning that up.
Charlie: I’ll get us good seats (he runs towards the stage and barrels over a waitress)
Waitress: Hey! What the hell, man?
Charlie: Sorry.
(the rest of the gang joins him at the stage and takes seats, save for Rico, who wanders off)
DJ: OK, guys, our next lovely lady, coming to the stage right now, is a real knockout! This…is…Jackie!
(Jackie Gayda wanders to the stage and begins dancing slowly, more or less just moving her arms)
HHH: Uh, Charlie, isn’t that your wife, man?
Charlie: (hiding his eyes) Jesus, she said she was getting a second job, but this can’t end well.
HBK: (fumbling with the viewmaster) Who’s Jackie?
HHH: (reaching over and flipping the switch on the side) That’s, uh, the name of the first animal.
HBK: Ooooooohhhhhh, zebras! I love zebras!
(Jackie is still just moving her arms, when she spots the pole, and begins trying to climb it)
Charlie: Jesus, this isn’t good, I can’t watch. (he swivels his chair, tripping a passing waitress) Sorry, sorry, my bad. (she gets up, glares at him, and walks off)
(Jackie is now standing, straddling the pole, looking completely perplexed. She still has yet to remove any clothing)
Flair: (who has been standing, wad of hundred dollar bills in hand, since Jackie came out) Woooooooooooooooooooo!
Charlie: I know, I know, sorry, Naitch, but, well, she’s still pretty new at this.
DJ: OK, guys, get those dollar bills ready, it’s time for her big finale!
Flair: (beginning to strut, bleeding slightly from the forehead) Woooooooooooo!
(Jackie leaps up and grabs the pole, attempting to swing around it, but loses her grip and crashes to the stage. She then stands, still looking completely confused, walks off stage until she reaches the bottom of the steps, disrobes, and continues walking)
HHH: Uh…Charlie…
Charlie: I know, I told you she was new at this, didn’t I?
HHH: Yeah, but dude, um, she does know that –
Charlie: (shrugs) Beats me, man. Hopefully it gets better.
DJ: OK, that was, uh, Jackie, everybody. Coming to the stage at this time, a vixen from, well, it says here “home”. This should be interesting, guys, because here comes Kelly Kelly.
(Kelly walks onto the stage, begins to cabbage patch for some reason)
HHH: Damn it, she’s stealing my moves.
HBK: (still using the viewmaster) Man, this is awesome, they’ve got bears here!
(Kelly is now fumbling with her outfit, which apparently is giving her trouble)
Flair: Wooooooooooooooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, take it off!
HBK: (to himself) What do bears have to take off?
(Mike Knox runs in and covers her) None of you get to see any of this! She’s my girlfriend!
HBK: People dating bears, what is this world coming to.
(Rico has wandered onto the stage, as Knox drags Kelly off, and begins dancing)
HHH: What the hell?
Charlie: Oh God.
Flair: (giving himself the eye poke) Woooooooooo!
(as Rico dances, the ghost of Adrian Adonis appears on stage)
Rico: Get out of my spotlight, girlfriend!
Adonis: This is gimmick infringement, you’re nothing but a cheap ripoff!
Rico: Would a ripoff do this? (he begins to swing around the pole, as the crowd heads for the exit)
Adonis: I sooooooo did that in 1983, you’re not even trying.
Guy in crowd: GET OFF THE STAGE!
Adonis: You hear that? They want you off the stage! Even they know you’re just imitating me.
Rico: They’re talking to you!
Adonis: No they’re not, they can’t even see me.
Rico: Damn it! (runs off the stage and exits the club)
DJ: OK, guys, our final dancer of the evening is a former WWE Intercontinental Champion!
HHH: What? Oh no. (he runs to the DJ booth)
DJ: Here she comes, guys! This is (he is cut off by the sound of punches and bending metal)
HHH: (over the loudspeaker) OK, we, uh, we have to close early, sorry, everybody needs to leave. If you don’t believe me, look at the stage.
(Chyna is now standing on stage, just staring blankly)
Crowd of Japanese businessmen: Goooooooooodziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (the stampede for the door, headed by everyone else, save for Flair who his madly poking his own eyes, and HBK, who sits quietly, mesmerized by the viewmaster as the scene ends)
(Scene opens with the Trips Express pulling up outside a local gentleman’s club. HHH, Flair, Shawn Michaels, Charlie Haas, Jerry Lawler, and Rico exit)
HBK: Hey, this doesn’t look like a zoo. Hunter, you said we were going to the zoo.
HHH: Oh, right, uh, sorry. See, this is one of those virtual reality zoos.
HBK: Virtual reality?
HHH: Yeah. (he hands Shawn a children’s viewmaster, complete with a disk of random safari creatures, attached to a baseball cap) Put this on.
HBK: You’re sure about this?
HHH: Have I ever lead you wrong?
HBK: Well…I’m pretty sure some stuff happened back in 1996, but my memory is a little hazy.
HHH: Water under the bridge, just put it on.
Lawler: (foaming at the mouth) Can we hurry up? These dollars don’t spend themselves.
Charlie: Jerry, those are ShopZone gift certificates.
Lawler: They still spend, right?
Rico: (scanning the building) This architecture is hideous. All these posters and dark windows are sooooo 1980’s.
Lawler: (impatiently) Can we go now? I want to see puppies! Cute puppies, with their little pink noses –
HBK: (cutting him off) Hunter, what kind of zoo has puppies?
HHH: (scrambling) Uh, well, it’s virtual reality, so, um, there’s any animal you can think of. Yeah. Come on guys.
(the groups enters the club, and proceed past the bouncer. Upon spotting the stage, Lawler goes into convulsions, and explodes like the fat man in The Meaning Of Life)
Rico: (looking on disgustedly) I am so not cleaning that up.
Charlie: I’ll get us good seats (he runs towards the stage and barrels over a waitress)
Waitress: Hey! What the hell, man?
Charlie: Sorry.
(the rest of the gang joins him at the stage and takes seats, save for Rico, who wanders off)
DJ: OK, guys, our next lovely lady, coming to the stage right now, is a real knockout! This…is…Jackie!
(Jackie Gayda wanders to the stage and begins dancing slowly, more or less just moving her arms)
HHH: Uh, Charlie, isn’t that your wife, man?
Charlie: (hiding his eyes) Jesus, she said she was getting a second job, but this can’t end well.
HBK: (fumbling with the viewmaster) Who’s Jackie?
HHH: (reaching over and flipping the switch on the side) That’s, uh, the name of the first animal.
HBK: Ooooooohhhhhh, zebras! I love zebras!
(Jackie is still just moving her arms, when she spots the pole, and begins trying to climb it)
Charlie: Jesus, this isn’t good, I can’t watch. (he swivels his chair, tripping a passing waitress) Sorry, sorry, my bad. (she gets up, glares at him, and walks off)
(Jackie is now standing, straddling the pole, looking completely perplexed. She still has yet to remove any clothing)
Flair: (who has been standing, wad of hundred dollar bills in hand, since Jackie came out) Woooooooooooooooooooo!
Charlie: I know, I know, sorry, Naitch, but, well, she’s still pretty new at this.
DJ: OK, guys, get those dollar bills ready, it’s time for her big finale!
Flair: (beginning to strut, bleeding slightly from the forehead) Woooooooooooo!
(Jackie leaps up and grabs the pole, attempting to swing around it, but loses her grip and crashes to the stage. She then stands, still looking completely confused, walks off stage until she reaches the bottom of the steps, disrobes, and continues walking)
HHH: Uh…Charlie…
Charlie: I know, I told you she was new at this, didn’t I?
HHH: Yeah, but dude, um, she does know that –
Charlie: (shrugs) Beats me, man. Hopefully it gets better.
DJ: OK, that was, uh, Jackie, everybody. Coming to the stage at this time, a vixen from, well, it says here “home”. This should be interesting, guys, because here comes Kelly Kelly.
(Kelly walks onto the stage, begins to cabbage patch for some reason)
HHH: Damn it, she’s stealing my moves.
HBK: (still using the viewmaster) Man, this is awesome, they’ve got bears here!
(Kelly is now fumbling with her outfit, which apparently is giving her trouble)
Flair: Wooooooooooooooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, take it off!
HBK: (to himself) What do bears have to take off?
(Mike Knox runs in and covers her) None of you get to see any of this! She’s my girlfriend!
HBK: People dating bears, what is this world coming to.
(Rico has wandered onto the stage, as Knox drags Kelly off, and begins dancing)
HHH: What the hell?
Charlie: Oh God.
Flair: (giving himself the eye poke) Woooooooooo!
(as Rico dances, the ghost of Adrian Adonis appears on stage)
Rico: Get out of my spotlight, girlfriend!
Adonis: This is gimmick infringement, you’re nothing but a cheap ripoff!
Rico: Would a ripoff do this? (he begins to swing around the pole, as the crowd heads for the exit)
Adonis: I sooooooo did that in 1983, you’re not even trying.
Guy in crowd: GET OFF THE STAGE!
Adonis: You hear that? They want you off the stage! Even they know you’re just imitating me.
Rico: They’re talking to you!
Adonis: No they’re not, they can’t even see me.
Rico: Damn it! (runs off the stage and exits the club)
DJ: OK, guys, our final dancer of the evening is a former WWE Intercontinental Champion!
HHH: What? Oh no. (he runs to the DJ booth)
DJ: Here she comes, guys! This is (he is cut off by the sound of punches and bending metal)
HHH: (over the loudspeaker) OK, we, uh, we have to close early, sorry, everybody needs to leave. If you don’t believe me, look at the stage.
(Chyna is now standing on stage, just staring blankly)
Crowd of Japanese businessmen: Goooooooooodziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (the stampede for the door, headed by everyone else, save for Flair who his madly poking his own eyes, and HBK, who sits quietly, mesmerized by the viewmaster as the scene ends)
"Not your best", but I'm cackling like a hyena before I'm past this exchange...
