"Guy walks into a bar" jokes

[Threadkiller [Classic]]

Anybody got any good ones?

Ever write your own?

I wrote my own and I might post them later if I can remember what I saved the bloody document under.

But for now, enjoy the hokey wonder of this particular joke:

Guy walks into a bar. Sign says: Grilled Cheese $3, Hand Jobs $5.

The Guy calls the lady bartender over.

Guy: "Excuse me miss, are you the one that gives the hand jobs?"
Woman: "I sure am!"
Guy: "Well, wash your damn hands and make me a grilled cheese sandwich!"

[Turd Ferguson]

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here!"

A Time Traveler walks into a bar.

[Fiddleford H. McGucket]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra......

[MWC]

A guy walks into a bar...
Ouch.

(totally lame, I know)

[hulkblood]

a ghost walks into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic

the barman says sorry we dont serve spirits.


thank you im here all week.

[Allie Kitsune]

A blind man walks into a bar. The second one ducked.

[Young Game]

A guy walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face?".
The guy says "I'm hung like a horse."

[fw91]

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey we gotta drink named after you," the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Irving?"


A guy walks into a bar, and tells the bartender, "Hey I think Im'a proton." The bartender asks, "Are you sure." The guy says, "I'm positive"

[Insomniac]

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He enjoys his drink, tips the bartender, and leaves shortly thereafter.

[LastCall]

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

[Mozenrath]

Antonio Inoki walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face?"

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

A woman and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig."

The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck."

Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

[Baixo Astral]

A rabbi, an imam, and a minister walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "what is this? Some kind of joke?"

[Magician under the moonlight]

3 vampires walki into a bar.

The first vampire asks the bartender for a glass of blood and he gives him one.

The second vampire asks for a glass of blood and the bartender gives it to him.

The third vampire asks for a glass of water and the bartender is confused gave it to him and asks "Why do you want a glass of water?"and the vampire takes out a dirty "teabag" and says "I'm having tea!"

[Blindkarevik]

A man walks into a bar with three ducks. The Bartender looks at the first one and says, "And what's your name?'

First ducks says, "My name is Huey!"

The Bartender is surprised by the talking duck, but decides to take it in stride, "And how are you today?"

Huey says, "I'm great! The sun is shining and I've been in and out of puddles all day!"

The Bartender says, "That's great! And what's your name?"

Second duck says, "Dewey!"

Bartender says, "And how are you?"

Dewey says, "I'm great! The sun is shining and I've been in and out of puddles all day!"

The Bartender turns to the third and says, "And I suppose your name is Louie!"

The third duck says, "No, I'm Puddles.. don't you dare ask how my f***ing day has been."

[mrrotten]

Jun 8, 2011 16:29:36 GMT -5 MWC said:

A guy walks into a bar...
Ouch.

(totally lame, I know)

Damn it, you beat me to it. That's one of my favorite jokes to tell. And it's not lame, it totally reeks...... of awesomeness.

Jun 8, 2011 19:28:05 GMT -5 Baixo Astral said:

A rabbi, an imam, and a minister walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "what is this? Some kind of joke?"

My 2nd favorite joke.

A snake goes into a bar. The bartenders says "I can't serve you, you can't hold your liquor."

[hassanchop]

A guy walks in with a candy bar

[Porky's Butthole]

A string walks into a bar. Bartender says 'We don't serve strings in here.' String says, 'But I'm not a string..' Bartender says 'No?' Strings says, 'Nope...I'm afraid not.'

Man walks into a bar and see a gorilla. He starts to get scared but the bartender says, 'Wait..watch this.' Bartender punches the gorilla and the gorilla goes down on him until climax. Bartender says 'You wanna try?' Man says 'Hell yeah, just don't hit me that hard.'

[montee916]

Duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread?

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any flaming bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any &#^$ing bread, ask me again and I'll nail your *@&%ing beak to the (@$*ing bar you stupid &@^#ing bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

["Hollywood" Cactus Matt]

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila, straight-up.

"Rough day?" asks the bartender.
"I just found out my brother is gay," the man responds.
"Ouch," says the bartender. "This one is on the house."

The next day, the same man goes into the same bar and orders a double-shot of tequila, straight-up.
"Uh-oh," says the bartender. "Another rough day?"
"I just found out that my dad is gay!" says the man.
"On the house," says the bartender.

Third day, same situation. This time, the man asks for the whole bottle of tequila.
"Jesus, man!" says the bartender. "Doesn't anyone in your family like pussy?"
"Yeah," says the man. "My mother!"