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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 6, 2014 10:39:48 GMT -5
It's already the 6th October and I have only watched 3 spooky horror movies!! Damn I'm doing well But were they any good? The RevenantThis is an odd film. A soldier is killed and then comes back to life after he is buried at his own funeral, he then proceeds to find his old friends to help him. David Anders plays the titular Revenant here and is actually pretty damn good as he goes about trying to adjust to being dead. The dvd says it's a horror comedy but it's not really on the Shaun of the Dead level, as it's much darker. The film can almost be split into three sections - Recovery as the Undead, Vigilantes cleaning up the streets and the part where it all goes horribly wrong. As a film it was alright and certainly had some interesting ideas but probably won't live to long in the memory. There are some good uses of special effects for the gore of which there is plenty and a novel way to get a decapitated but living head to talk. 2.5 out of 5 pumpkins. & Critters 4Ah Critters I have finally got to the end of these films with the murderous deathballs of fur and teeth. Much like another certain pint sized horror film villain the Leprechaun by the 4th film we are going into space!! Unlike the bearer of unlucky charms Critters come from space so this is fine. So once again Charlie a man who's Bounty Hunter skills makes Boba Fetts pit fall look elegant is here again and prompty gets fozen in a space capsule along with the last two crite eggs. 52 years later he and the Crites are thawed out by some salvage junkers and all hell breaks loose on a derelict space station. Cue less than bright people dying and Crites multiplying. In the end the crites are killed, Charlie & the remaining survivors escape and Ug became a villain named Tetra which is explained as "Things Change" ... well ok then?? I found I actually preffered Critters 4 to Critters 3 because the junkers/salvage guys in space are an interesting bunch of characters helped no end by Brad "Wormtongue" Dourif who is always good no matter what he is doing. That and the fact Charlie the bumbling Bounty Hunter is barely invovled. It's not great but I have seen worse. 2 out of 5 Pumpkins.
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Post by DSR on Oct 6, 2014 16:07:18 GMT -5
I've watched 9 flicks so far. Nothing really interesting to say, but I loved BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN way more the second time I watched it.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Oct 7, 2014 8:35:09 GMT -5
Ah, Critters 4. Brad Dourif and nude Angela Bassett. Good times. Got a new blog post, and I too have been enjoying the hell out of October. Working my way through the usual suspects - Jason, Kayako and Pinhead - before hitting up some movies that I haven't seen yet. Anyway, the review. ONE MISSED CALL 2003 Directed by Takashi Miike Starring Kou Shibasaki, Shinici Tsutsumi, Kazue Fukiishi, Anna Nagata and Renji Ishibashi I remember sitting in the theater sometime back in 2008 watching the American remake of One Missed Call. It really did seem like a more innocent time back then. I was still working my crappy fast-food job, hadn't become completely destroyed by the endless stream of explosions-over-emotion dumbass Hollywood blockbusters quite yet, and still went to just about every horror offering to hit the multiplex. Coming out of One Missed Call, I believe my exact words were "man, that was a piece of shit." So there's your big epic conclusion to that story. I didn't see the original version until 2012. By that point, I'd already absorbed all of the big stalwarts of the J-horror genre, and quite a few of the anciliary flicks that the highly ghost-centric culture had to offer. At the time, it really did feel like more of the same, and I'm not surprised to find out that the critical reception to this movie agreed with me, as the similarities to the many like-styled movies to hit Japanese cinemas in the previous years had grown a little stale by 2003. It's a little surprising, considering that Takashi Miike is the director here. For those that aren't familiar, this guy directed Audition, one of the two or three best horror movies ANYWHERE released during the last 20 years. That movie is anything but conventional. This flick, while definitely better than its American counterpart, is conventional to a fault. Stripped down to the bare essentials, what we've got here is a group of college students who all find themselves under the kind of death curse that J-horror is so find of. The twist this time is that it's strongly technology-centric. Remember the conversation in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (a.k.a. the only time that Russell Brand has ever been remotely funny or likable) about the killer cell phone movie? Yeah, it was inspired by this. To be fair to the movie, it has a pretty impressive opening thirty minutes, as we get a good rendition of the Psycho-style false heroine. Yoko (Nagata) is your Janet Leigh in this flick, as her character gets a voicemail that plays an eerie jingle before ending with the sound of screams. As the first quarter of the movie unfolds, her friend Yumi (Shibasaki) realizes that several of the sounds on the message are being replayed through the following days until...surprise...Yoko turns up dead after a big fall, the screams that were heard on the message being replayed for us in a truly subtle "gotcha" moment. There are a couple more character deaths done in this fashion, the most interesting of which being the fact that we're witness to a horrible reality show exorcism gone horribly wrong (/double word alert). The story seems to kind of zigzag in about eighteen different directions, between the woman on the reality show (named Natsumi, if you're unable to live without these details) to the back story of Yumi, involving an abusive mother. This serves as a kind of juxtaposition to what the characters gradually discover about the message, which (surprise) involves an abused child carrying forth a kind of eternal punishment, complete with the characters spitting out a red candy as they die as a repeat of the way that our star villain lived her own life. For her part, Mimiko - the evil little girl who is directly behind all of the death and (sort of) dismemberment - is a pretty cool villain, and the twists and turns that we go through as the victim characters discover more of her background make up some of the best stuff in the movie. The big problem with this movie is that it's all just too much. Too many characters, too many storylines, too many flashbacks. Compare this flick to any of the four Japanese Ju-On flicks, which are classic examples of "lean and mean" played out to perfection. Everything served a purpose, everything that didn't was cut out. This same theory really does go for horror movies at large, not just this one. There's very few of them that are longer than 90-or-so minutes that don't feel like bloated messes, and that's unfortunately what we have with One Missed Call. Scaled back even 20 minutes, we would have had a really enjoyable, creepy movie. By the time the ambiguous ending hits, it just feels like overkill shoved onto a sandwich with about fifteen too many ingredients. That's not to say that the movie isn't worth checking out at least once. As aforementioned, the performance by Shibasaki as the main heroine is top notch, and the scenes where Mimiko is onscreen (ghost form or otherwise) definitely hold your attention. Particularly that TV exorcism scene - that thing as dynamite. Still, after Sadako, Kayako and Mitsuko, Mimiko really did feel like just more of the same, just in a much longer package. ** out of ****. Worth a rental only, because it's far too slow-paced and deliberate for anyone else.
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 8, 2014 5:14:23 GMT -5
So finally got around to completing the Universal Monster classics by watching Dracula (1931). I know it seems odd to leave this one until last but I have seen so many Dracula films over the years that I know the story where as The Wolfman, Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, the Creature from the Back Lagoon, The Invisible Man & the Mummy were much more fresh to me. So then .. Dracula (1931)I don't really need to review this as it is a classic and Bela Lugosi is wonderful as Dracula (I still prefer Lee myself overall.) The sets are incredible, the atmosphere and haunting threat of Dracula really add to the chilling feeling whenever Dracula is on or off the screen. The first half is great cinema, the second half turns into more of a stage play as they try to understand what Dracula is which is great but it's not quite as epic as the castle scenes. What I am going to comment on is the ending which I think is: A: Fairly abrupt even by 1930s standards. The vampire is dead, John and Mina you can walk off now while I van Helsing stay in the crypt to do something?... and End. B: With modern perspective and watching a lot of horror films this looks like the set up for a sequel or a grand twist. Dracula carries Mina in to the dungeon but only he gets into a coffin, meanwhile Mina is left in another part of the cellar? Did she wake up? Fight Dracula off? it's a bit random. Then Dracula is supposedly killed off screen by van Helsing. I was surprised by that as I was expecting a pile of dust or a final shot of Lugosi's face as he realized he'd been staked the off screen death makes me kind of doubt he actually died. So yeah I enjoyed it and it is certainly a timeless classic and Lugosi is really, really good as the Count but the ending seemed a bit unconventional. 4.5 out of 5 Pumpkins
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Post by DSR on Oct 10, 2014 22:26:21 GMT -5
Speaking of Bela Lugosi, I decided to finally order the Bela Lugosi Collection from Universal. Features MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE, THE RAVEN, THE BLACK CAT, THE INVISIBLE RAY, and BLACK FRIDAY! I'm hoping that last one is about Lugosi himself going shopping the day after Thanksgiving.
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 11, 2014 8:49:08 GMT -5
Kind of slowed down on the horror but I did go and see the World Premier of Monsters: Dark Continent This is a really good war movie about a squad of fresh soldiers fighting in the middle east which happens to have monsters in the background. I read some comments prior to seeing the movie and one claimed this was similar to Aliens in that the first movie was slow paced and the second is much more high octane and action. This couldn't be further from the truth and now I have watched the trailer after I watched the film I have to say the Trailer is completely off in how this film works. This is a slow character build of how war effects soldiers in the middle east while the actual monsters in this film are really just an added backdrop. If you like good acting, character driven story telling and hard hitting modern war films this is a great film to go see. If you want a mindless marines vs monsters movie this will not hit the criteria you want. Much like the original Monsters this remains a film about human drama and keeps the same style and themes of the original. I liked it quite a lot. 4 out 5 pumpkins.
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 12, 2014 18:45:05 GMT -5
So the weekend comes to a close and another 2 horror films have been watched, I love October. The Fiend Without a FaceThis is the last of a batch of dvds I picked up for a pound about three years ago from poundland and I have to say I think I kept the best til last. This is great fun all the way through as small-town Canada is attacked by Invisible Brains that suck the mind and spinal cord out of you! Plenty of deaths, lovely atmosphere setting up the tone and a crazy finale of murderous flying brains trying to kill everyone. There is also a scene of near death by being confined in a tomb, some angry mob townsfolk who like to blame the military base nearby and a scientist pushing things too far by trying to create telekinesis with electricity. All round this is a great 1950s B-Movie, go and watch it! 4 out of 5 Pumpkins. ------ Spiders 3D (2013)From 1950 B-Movies to more modern B-Movies. Spiders 3D (It didn't seem 3D to me) is about a space satellite carrying bio-engineered russian spiders that crashes in the New York subway system. The military of some sort is involved and want to harvest the webbing or some such nonsense, anyway the spiders escape lots of people die and eventually the Queen spider shows up to wreck the place. It's not awful but it's not that great and merely hovers on the kind of alright and slightly better than Syfy levels of modern monster movie. The cgi spiders are half decent (They look similar to the Dr Who spider/bacteria in that recent moon episode) but don't do anything paticularly special. The acting is ok (except the mother who is terrible) and the film rolls along at a reasonable pace. In comparison to other spider movies I'd stick with Eight-Legged Freaks or Arachnophobia over this mediocre creature feature involving spiders. 1.5 out of 5 Pumpkins
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Oct 14, 2014 9:00:33 GMT -5
Loving the reviews, Joker. Keep 'em coming. Got a real treat (get it? [/tomatoes]) of a review this week. Enjoy. 2007 Directed by Michael Dougherty Starring Dylan Baker, Rochelle Aytes, Anna Paquin and Brian Cox Already? It's October already? It feels like just yesterday when I was setting out my ghost stakes and Freddy Kruger window decoration, but now, here we are again, with all kinds of witch and superhero costumes dotting the aisles and glorious horror flicks...um...flickering on the TV. All in all, it's glorious, and I'm happy the best holiday of the year is approaching. Which brings me to Trick 'r Treat, the movie in question today. It's a pretty substantial cult favorite in the genre, maybe even THE biggest cult favorite of the past decade. It was filmed in 2007 and summarily sat on the shelf for two years, a fact that actually doesn't surprise me. If I were a big-time movie producer, I wouldn't know what to do with this movie, either. No big name stars (this was before Anna Paquin's " Twilight for adults" TV show hit it big), a pretty out-there concept and mostly INCREDIBLY dark subject matter doesn't lend itself well to mass consumption. Upon its official release to DVD shelves in 2009, it exploded in popularity - at least with a few people. I don't share the sentiment. I enjoy the film, but it's not what I would call fantastic; it's really more middling, with occasional glimpses of greatness. Still, for a classic example of "lean and mean," look no further. It's INCREDIBLY lean at only 82 minutes, cutting out pretty much every bit of extraneous bullshit from its four primary stories, occasionally bobbing and weaving in and out, and some great sicko stuff that should stick out in your mind long after watching it. Enough backbiting. THE MOVIE. As already mentioned, Trick 'r Treat is an anthology flick, all based around one hell of an October 31st in some unnamed town (as far as I can remember). There's admittedly a very creepy opening scene where Leslie Bibb gets murdered the hell out of, and this is summarily followed by Segment #1 - "The Principal." Our star hero is Dylan Baker playing, you guessed it, a principal, and an extraordinarily homicidal one at that. This segment has a couple genuinely creepy scenes in the form of Baker's relationship with his son, but viewed in the grand scheme of things, this segment is really a setup for what is to come later. As such, it's a little forgettable. Next up is "The School Bus Massacre Revisited," and for my money this is THE segment of the flick. It actually made me feel a little nostalgic, since films featuring a group of kids are at an increased premium these days, and anything that reminds me of the Goonies and the Monster Squad is very welcome. The segment tells the story of a group of trick or treaters who go to the site of the titular massacre to play a prank on one of their friends - a prank that summarily comes back to bite them in the ass. There's lots of great stuff to be had here, including a very creepy, satisfying ending. Moving right along, we get "Surprise Party," a.k.a. the Segment With Anna Paquin. Yup, ol' blue eyes herself plays a woman whose virginity is mentioned all too often for it to actually be her inability to have sex, with everything building toward a shock climax that, while I can't say that I saw it coming a mile away, felt like a letdown simply due to the idea that a swerve was so expected. It does, however, feature the return of the Principal from the opening segment, who gets his just desserts in a move that should make the WWE universe rise to their feet. The finale is titled "Sam," starring the cute little guy that you see in the film's poster. Sam himself has enjoyed a fair bit of popularity online since this movie hit DVD, and for good reason - he definitely has an unnerving presence about him. The segment is about a Halloween-hating man named Kreeg (Brian Cox), briefly seen in "The Principal," who finds himself locked in a death battle with Sam, a would-be trick-or-treater who just might be the living embodiment of Halloween. It's an extended segment of cat-and-mouse, but it works well, mainly due to the outstanding acting of Cox and Sam himself. This segment is followed by a finale that ties everything together. For what it's worth, it works really well. Now for my judgment. I've already stated that I don't like this movie as much as many on the interwebz do, and the reason lies in the satisfaction factor. There are definitely PARTS of this film that feel satisfying, but I'm fairly old school when it comes to anthology films. In that I want my single stories to have a definite setup and payoff. "The School Bus Massacre" definitely does, and bits of "Surprise Party" and "Sam" also do. For me, though, the constant shucking and jiving between stories is a bit off-putting. Call it the Lick Ness Monster "Maybe I'm just an Idiot" syndrome, which is getting to be a statement that I've echoed repeatedly every week to the point that it's rapidly joining my ever-expanding cliche list. Having said all that (cliche #7,000), there are definitely some things to enjoy in this movie. Sam is completely unforgettable, as are a couple of the story endings and the overall atmosphere of the movie. For those reasons, this DVD is definitely worth checking out. It's dirt cheap these days, anyway. *** out of ****. A bit of a challenge by anthology film standards, but well worth some October viewing.
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Post by DSR on Oct 14, 2014 16:22:14 GMT -5
Trick R Treat is a lot of fun. I still wish this could've been Creepshow 3, and the movie actually released as Creepshow 3 could've been lost in a fire or something.
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 16, 2014 5:28:48 GMT -5
While some of you have been watching good new halloween films like Trick'r'Treat I have been checking out what happens if you mix the story of King Kong and Godzilla and set it in Ireland and London. GorgoWhy would I claim Gorgo is a mix of King Kong and Godzilla you may ask? Well this is a film about treasure hunters finding a large monster in the isles of Ireland, capturing it and then taking it back to London to show off to the masses as entertainment (Toffee Apples and candyfloss included.) The twist of course is that the monster is actually an infant and the mother isn't too happy as she comes to get her child back. So the first half is King Kong and the second half is Godzilla. Gorgo is an interesting film even if it has some very hammy acting. The treasure hunters are hardly likable always looking for a profit, blackmailing people for the monster or getting drunk, even less likable is an Irish kid who stows away with them. Meanwhile the Irish Archaeologist/Island mayor is a stereotypical we don't like strangers round these parts caricature. Even so they get the story moving and are more entertaining than the gruff but impotent British military. This film is saved however when Gorgo's Mom shows up and boy is she not happy. I didn't give permission for my little Gorgo to go on the London Zoo trip!!Gorgo's mom is a breaker of worlds kind of monster, she dominates and destroys everything that gets in her way which is not surprising when your at least 300ft tall. Battleships, tanks, planes, buildings become ruined rubble while bullets, cannons, missiles, fire and 4 million volts from a fully functional Battersea Power Station don't make the slightest bit of difference to her. While her resume of chaos increases from crushing thousands of people and demolishing Tower Bridge, The Houses of Parliament, Big Ben and Piccadilly Circus. By the end of her rescue mission London is a smoking ruin and she stands tall as she wanders back home with child in tow. (She'd give Godzilla himself a run for his money.) Yep just to add to this the Monster actually is victorious here and survives and this is a 1961 film!! ... Good!! Need something different from Godzilla? Give Gorgo a try you might be surprised. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Oct 16, 2014 5:43:30 GMT -5
So far this month I have seen:
The Omen Trilogy Evil Dead (2013) The Fly (1986) The Prowler Scream 4 Class Of Nuke 'Em High Halloween 6 Friday The 13th 4 Fright Night
It's been fun so far, and I'm going to get started again soon because I haven't watched a single movie yet this week
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Oct 16, 2014 6:47:39 GMT -5
BLACK FRIDAY! I'm hoping that last one is about Lugosi himself going shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Spoiler alert He gets a great deal on a new HD TV. Plasma of course
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 16, 2014 6:56:54 GMT -5
So far this month I have seen: Fright Night Original or remake?
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Oct 16, 2014 7:13:03 GMT -5
So far this month I have seen: Fright Night Original or remake? Original
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Post by dablueboy on Oct 16, 2014 10:51:50 GMT -5
Been a bit behind on my horror movie watching, couldn't do any last week as my parents were away and the downstairs DVD player is knackered, was asleep very early on Monday due to being ill and was doing some overtime in work last night so I've only really had Tuesday to watch anything. Watched 3 films that night which were
Prom Night (original) See No Evil (the one with Kane) Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1932 version)
Tonight I'm watching the following
Hellraiser My Bloody Valentine (original) Carrie (remake)
Still on my list to watch for the rest of the month
Evil Dead Evil Dead 2 Army of Darkness Trick r Treat Child's Play 2 Child's play 3 Curse of Chucky Psycho (original) Day of the Dead (original) Slaughter High Maniac Cop (original) Puppetmaster 1-9 Universal Monsters Collection (bluray) Zombie Flesh Eaters Last House on the Left (original) Driller Killer Nightmares in a Damaged Brain Reanimator Phantom of the Opera (1989) Leprechaun Origins House on Sorority Row (original) Slumber Party Massacre Drive In Massacre
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 11:24:46 GMT -5
While the original is a great movie, the remake is actually pretty decent. Yeah, said it. It's sleek and everybody looks like they're having fun in it. Mostly Tennant and Farrell.
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Post by DSR on Oct 16, 2014 16:45:32 GMT -5
I've seen 29 movies so far this month. As mentioned, I began the month going through the horror films in the National Film Registry (for no particular reason). Well, the first three I had were THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1925), FRANKENSTEIN (1931) and DRACULA (1931). Those, if you'll remember, are all Universal classic horror flicks. And thus was I inspired to change my sig, avatar, and screenname; I've also spent a great deal of my time watching even more Universal Horrors. Incidentally, the images in my sig are not every Universal Horror movie from that old VHS set, they're just all the ones I have...for now.
But the Universal Horrors are really hittin' the spot for me this year. The black and white cinematography, the old school castles and cottages, the music, and the performances of Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Lon Chaney Jr. are all just splendid.
Having said all that, variety is the spice of life. So I've got planned for today and tomorrow a handful of sci-fi horrors that I'm looking to give a re-watch: Mario Bava's PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES, the classic ALIEN, Roger Corman's ALIEN mockbuster GALAXY OF TERROR, and LIFEFORCE, which was at one time one of my absolute favorite movies.
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Post by dablueboy on Oct 16, 2014 20:25:34 GMT -5
Didn't get round to watching the Carrie remake in the end, gonna watch that tomorrow instead but did watch Hellraiser and My Bloody Valentine which were enjoyable. Yet to decide what to watch along with Carrie, might go with Hatchet (which I left off my list in my last post) and maybe Slumber Party Massacre or I might leave them 3 and watch the 3 Chucky films I'm yet to see (Child's Play 2 & 3 and Curse of Chucky)
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Oct 20, 2014 9:48:41 GMT -5
Haven't watched anything this weekend due to being out and about, but did pick up Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack so have that to watch at some point
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Post by DSR on Oct 21, 2014 0:50:17 GMT -5
So I haven't done one of these in a while. Let me know what you think:
THE CURSE OF BLANCHARD HILL (2006) - A long long time ago in these here Horror Threads, I used to make these kinda dickish self-congratulatory posts about the number of horror movies I own on DVD. In fairness to me, this was back in the day when you usually got one movie on a disc. Now you can walk into any Rite Aid in the country and walk out 5 minutes later with a 50 film collection for pocket change. Sure, ten years ago, you might get a collection of public domain flicks. But now it's like any thing ever recorded can be thrown in a ten movie set for 3 bucks. Have I got you guys psyched for this review yet?!
Two completely average looking guys and their dumpy girlfriends wander into the woods to roast wienies, drink beer, and share theories about a relative of one of these hikers, a man named Victor who went missing 22 years ago. One of the guys suggests that the Spirit of Nature took over Victor, and he's been living in these woods, stalking and killing any white man that crosses his path. Cut to some horny kids (with the worst attempts at southern accents ever recorded), rubbing up against each other, only to have the obscured figure of a man rub his machete up against their innards.
The next day, the Park Ranger shows up, finds the corpses of the rednecks, and the next thing you know, two drug addicted asshole detectives (meaning detectives who are assholes, not proctologists) are on the case (by the way, they've got a big ass newspaper clipping of George W. Bush on their wall, and a bumper sticker that says "REPUBLICAN" on their refrigerator...OOOH POLITICAL COMMENTARY).
You guys know the drill by now. Killer in the woods, frightened campers, blah blah blah. Would you believe someone made a spiritual successor to DON'T GO IN THE WOODS?! Seriously, 4 campers, a sort of feral man, characters are introduced simply so they can be killed off a minute later, a score that sounds like someone hit random buttons on a casio, a nude scene featuring people that should in no way ever be involved in a nude scene, inane dialogue delivered like the actors had never seen scripts and were reading from cue cards for the very first time AS THE MOVIE WAS BEING SHOT. Actors have different haircuts in different scenes because no one gives a f*** about continuity. The gore effects usually amount to throwing karo syrup and red food coloring on somebody and calling it a day. The filmmakers made one attempt at a machete wound, and they're obviously proud of it because they show it for a full minute. Which reminds me that there's a shitload of padding to this "movie." Plenty of generic nature shots, and a 7-minute long end credits sequence when there's basically 10 people that did everything in the movie. Their names just get re-cycled through, and there's an extended special thanks section.
Every single person in this movie looks like their 19 years old. And every single element of this movie feels like it was made by 19-year-olds. They even have the nerve to wink at their "influences" by having posters for films like NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, ZOMBIE, and CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV on the walls of the detective characters' apartment. But these kids made a horror comedy that is neither scary nor funny. So...why am I sitting here writing all of THIS?!
Because, this movie is the kind of awe-inspiringly stupid that you can't look away from it, not unlike the aforementioned DON'T GO IN THE WOODS, or further back, an un-MST3Ked MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE. The jokes aren't funny, but they're so not funny that you're fascinated that someone had this for a sense of humor. Every single second of this movie is amateurish and inept. But this movie...is a thing. It exists. You can BUY THIS on Amazon, for Christ's sake! There are jerks like me that say they want to make a horror movie, but never get around to it because we're afraid it won't turn out perfectly. THE CURSE OF BLANCHARD HILL is willing to lower the bar for all of us. ANYONE CAN MAKE A MOVIE. ABSOLUTELY F***ING ANYONE.
1 star for the actual movie + 2 stars for this shocking revelation = 3 stars out of 5. Somehow.
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