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Post by HMARK Center on Dec 26, 2012 15:54:57 GMT -5
Oh for the love of, can we stop with these damn threads already? Let me some them up. Poster 1. Does anyone hate when a person says "let's just be friends?" When it's just code for, I don't find you in any way worthy. Poster 2. HOW DARE YOU want to have sex with a member of the opposite sex you find attractive, you're what's wrong with (country of posters origin). Poster 1. But I didn't mean it like tha- Poster 2. Yes you did, ad hominum attack! Poster 1. Ok. Repeat one week later. This is a parody post, right? Like, a "haha, it's a funny joke" kind of thing?
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Arrow
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 5,122
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Post by Arrow on Dec 26, 2012 16:04:18 GMT -5
I've never been a fan of the idea that you should be happy with being "just friends" or that "being friends is better than nothing at all". That's obviously not what one person wants, so he (or she) shouldn't have to settle for that.
If you don't want to be friends, and the other person doesn't want to be more than friends, then I think the best option is for both people to put distance between each other if they can't handle the fact that they have different feelings for one another.
Whenever I came across a situation where I had feelings for a girl who didn't like me as any more than a friend, I never kept in close contact. I can still remain cordial and talk, but it doesn't go any further than that. I move on, she moves on, we're both better off because of it.
I think that's a lot better than keeping up a friendship you don't want and keeps you from feeling resentful because you feel like you "have" to be friends (you don't).
But that's just me.
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Post by Piccolo on Dec 26, 2012 16:07:22 GMT -5
Nope. I've had attraction to guy friends who weren't similarly interested, and I value their friendships and enjoy their company. Attraction waxes and wanes, but the personality traits that make us compatible friends are pretty constant. Hope it's the same for my guy friends who have had unreciprocated sexual attraction to me. If it's not, that's a shame, because they're clearly not the normal, well-adjusted people I think they are.
Personally, I think being enemies with someone is the worst kind of relationship you can have. It's such a waste of emotional energy.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2012 16:17:07 GMT -5
Other than violence/actual abuse, I don't see anyway it can get worse than being hit with a LJBF
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Paco
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 7,145
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Post by Paco on Dec 26, 2012 19:14:22 GMT -5
I've never been a fan of the idea that you should be happy with being "just friends" or that "being friends is better than nothing at all". That's obviously not what one person wants, so he (or she) shouldn't have to settle for that. This I agree with. Seems to be a "just grin and bear it" attitude towards the people who don't get their feeling reciprocated but it's tough to pretend nothing was (and really still is) there and continue on. It's just as unfair as making the "unreciprocator" the "bad guy" when they're just honest on how they feel. It's a crappy situation all around.
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Post by nickcave on Dec 26, 2012 21:11:02 GMT -5
"Friendzone" is stupid because it implies that the only end result to being friends with a girl is sex and that the whole friendship part is just torture.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,009
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Post by Mozenrath on Dec 26, 2012 21:14:52 GMT -5
DO NOT become friends with a woman with the intent to date her. You really can't complain when you start a friendship under false pretenses and don't get to go further, expecting it is somehow owed you.
Not saying everyone is like that who ends up feeling shafted, but if you want to date a woman, you need to let your intentions be known.
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Post by TheShowStoppin Classic JBHENDU on Dec 26, 2012 22:41:00 GMT -5
the "friendzone" is the absolute worst place in the world you can be in with a girl who you are in love with, because NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, you will never hook up, be with, be in a relationship, marry, or whatever else more you want with that person.
And the sad thing is, its not her fault, its yours!
I spent five and a half years chasing the girl I was in love with, and I spent a ton of money on her, took her to concerts, sporting events, paid for her to come home and visit her friends, and I told her I loved her countless times and with the exception of one time, all I got from her was something similiar to a pat on the head and an "Awww that is so cute."
That one time, I told her I loved her and she said "I love you" back, she finished that sentence with the prepositional phrase: "but not the same way you love me."
And the sad part is I chased after her for four more years. I spent a ton of money on her. The last time we spent time together, I took her to a romantic Italian restaraunt and it was supposed to be just us, but our friends ended up tagging along. I spent $80 dollars on a dozen roses for her and because we were going to a damn hockey game, the roses stayed at the damn restaraunt...... After that disaster you'd think I would have woken up and moved on, but I stayed on the hook for SIX MORE MONTHS and FINALLY began to break away when I awoke to a facebook post proclaiming that she was in a relationship with another guy again.
Thats when I gave up, and bro and all my FAN bros out there in this same mess, I suggest you do the same. If you are that desperate for attention from a girl, go to a strip club. Sure you have to "make it rain," but I've spent half as much money on strippers as I did "the girl of my dreams" and got a lot more from the strippers. As a matter of fact I can reccomend a place down in Myrtle Beach, SC. The ladies there go the extra mile and then some...................
thanks for lettin me rant boys
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Post by TheShowStoppin Classic JBHENDU on Dec 26, 2012 22:42:15 GMT -5
Oh and the one thing I've learned, is that its true what they say:
"You can't be friends with someone you're in love with/wanna have sex with
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Post by salsashark on Dec 26, 2012 22:47:22 GMT -5
Other than violence/actual abuse, I don't see anyway it can get worse than being hit with a LJBF Gotta be honest: This sounds like the most first-world-problemiest problem I have ever heard. A girl you like but isn't too is the absolute worst kind of relationship you can have, violence/abuse aside? WTF? What about having a distant, icy relationship with someone or cutting off all contact with someone once close to you (i.e., a family member, a close friend) entirely? What about a relationship predicated on mutual enabling something bad? Those are way worse that not being able to get inside a girl's pants just because you think you deserve to.
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Post by HMARK Center on Dec 26, 2012 23:04:24 GMT -5
The "friendzone" concept is something people should really grow out of once they've reached adulthood, or so one would hope. Granted that's very easy to just say, not quite as simple in reality, but in general it's a problem that people encounter less and less in life as they grow more mature and comfortable in their own skin.
It's very simple, and it was said before: if you intend to take a girl out and show romantic interest in her, do it immediately. Don't just BS, don't ask to do over the top favors for her, don't act like you're trying to "earn" a date, just freaking ask for the date, make it known you have an interest and would like to see if it can be a romantic interest. Men (myself totally included) fear rejection, and thus we often settle for the cold comfort of just being on speaking terms with the "girl of our dreams", all the while pining for her love while she either remains oblivious or fearful of things getting weird. This isn't a good thing, it's silly and masochistic, and it isn't right to do to a woman, either.
This isn't to say a guy can never ask a "girl-who-is-a-friend" out, but in order for that to work she must ACTUALLY BE YOUR REAL FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH, a friend who you have an established friendly rapport and comfort level with. This means being around her and not trying to make romantic gestures, and being comfortable with just talking to her like you would anybody else, not the "friendship" some people start because the guy's just looking for an opening to get with her.
The funny thing about having a friendship with a woman, though? You're TOTALLY ALLOWED TO FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS HER. It's not weird: you're a guy, she's a gal, and if she's your friend odds are there are things about her you enjoy getting the chance to interact with (personality, sense of humor, intelligence, looks, style, whatever). It's just that there's a gigantic freakin' difference between "she's really cool, it's fun to hang around with her" and "I'm hanging around her in the vain hope that she'll finally demonstrate that she loves me/is sexually attracted to me".
I guess you can make two different definitions of "friendzone". One is the serious, misguided, destructive definition that has to do with the guy who pines for the unattainable girl, but doesn't just man up and face the possibility of rejection. The other is more of a joking term to describe a place a guy might be with a woman he'd be happy to go out with, but is perfectly content if it doesn't happen. I have a long time family friend who I used to crush on badly in high school, but we've grown up, things change, and while I'd still gladly reciprocate if she offered something romantic, I'm also perfectly happy for her that she seems to have found the guy she'll likely marry.
It's growing up: you can be attracted to a woman but still treat her the way you'd treat your buddies, and not like some goddess on a pedestal or some unattainable figure from Poe's "Annabelle Lee".
It's a lesson I certainly wish I had learned earlier in life (along with eating better/exercising more before I got to college, which kind of tied into these things): here I am, 27 years old, and I feel so much more comfortable being around and talking to women I used to feel all jumpy around, and they seek me out to BS or hang out more often. It's not that I'm necessarily getting anything romantic from them, as many of them have boyfriends now (some longterm), but I find myself sitting back and thinking "it's all good". Too bad I couldn't figure it out back when I'd have had a real chance, but I'm definitely happy to have learned and grown, makes me feel infinitely less pressure and much more at ease with myself.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,009
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Post by Mozenrath on Dec 26, 2012 23:06:34 GMT -5
The "friendzone" concept is something people should really grow out of once they've reached adulthood, or so one would hope. Granted that's very easy to just say, not quite as simple in reality, but in general it's a problem that people encounter less and less in life as they grow more mature and comfortable in their own skin. It's very simple, and it was said before: if you intend to take a girl out and show romantic interest in her, do it immediately. Don't just BS, don't ask to do over the top favors for her, don't act like you're trying to "earn" a date, just freaking ask for the date, make it known you have an interest and would like to see if it can be a romantic interest. Men (myself totally included) fear rejection, and thus we often settle for the cold comfort of just being on speaking terms with the "girl of our dreams", all the while pining for her love while she either remains oblivious or fearful of things getting weird. This isn't a good thing, it's silly and masochistic, and it isn't right to do to a woman, either. This isn't to say a guy can never ask a "girl-who-is-a-friend" out, but in order for that to work she must ACTUALLY BE YOUR REAL FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH, a friend who you have an established friendly rapport and comfort level with. This means being around her and not trying to make romantic gestures, and being comfortable with just talking to her like you would anybody else, not the "friendship" some people start because the guy's just looking for an opening to get with her. The funny thing about having a friendship with a woman, though? You're TOTALLY ALLOWED TO FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS HER. It's not weird: you're a guy, she's a gal, and if she's your friend odds are there are things about her you enjoy getting the chance to interact with (personality, sense of humor, intelligence, looks, style, whatever). It's just that there's a gigantic freakin' difference between "she's really cool, it's fun to hang around with her" and "I'm hanging around her in the vain hope that she'll finally demonstrate that she loves me/is sexually attracted to me". I guess you can make two different definitions of "friendzone". One is the serious, misguided, destructive definition that has to do with the guy who pines for the unattainable girl, but doesn't just man up and face the possibility of rejection. The other is more of a joking term to describe a place a guy might be with a woman he'd be happy to go out with, but is perfectly content if it doesn't happen. I have a long time family friend who I used to crush on badly in high school, but we've grown up, things change, and while I'd still gladly reciprocate if she offered something romantic, I'm also perfectly happy for her that she seems to have found the guy she'll likely marry. It's growing up: you can be attracted to a woman but still treat her the way you'd treat your buddies, and not like some goddess on a pedestal or some unattainable figure from Poe's "Annabelle Lee". It's a lesson I certainly wish I had learned earlier in life (along with eating better/exercising more before I got to college, which kind of tied into these things): here I am, 27 years old, and I feel so much more comfortable being around and talking to women I used to feel all jumpy around, and they seek me out to BS or hang out more often. It's not that I'm necessarily getting anything romantic from them, as many of them have boyfriends now (some longterm), but I find myself sitting back and thinking "it's all good". Too bad I couldn't figure it out back when I'd have had a real chance, but I'm definitely happy to have learned and grown, makes me feel infinitely less pressure and much more at ease with myself. If only our forum had a "like" button for moments like this one.
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TCA
Don Corleone
Always on my mind
Posts: 1,401
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Post by TCA on Dec 26, 2012 23:08:47 GMT -5
Nope. I've had attraction to guy friends who weren't similarly interested, and I value their friendships and enjoy their company. Attraction waxes and wanes, but the personality traits that make us compatible friends are pretty constant. Hope it's the same for my guy friends who have had unreciprocated sexual attraction to me. If it's not, that's a shame, because they're clearly not the normal, well-adjusted people I think they are. Personally, I think being enemies with someone is the worst kind of relationship you can have. It's such a waste of emotional energy. Yep, this is how I feel too.
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Jiren
Patti Mayonnaise
Hearts Bayformers
Posts: 35,163
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Post by Jiren on Dec 26, 2012 23:09:07 GMT -5
The "friendzone" concept is something people should really grow out of once they've reached adulthood, or so one would hope. Granted that's very easy to just say, not quite as simple in reality, but in general it's a problem that people encounter less and less in life as they grow more mature and comfortable in their own skin. It's very simple, and it was said before: if you intend to take a girl out and show romantic interest in her, do it immediately. Don't just BS, don't ask to do over the top favors for her, don't act like you're trying to "earn" a date, just freaking ask for the date, make it known you have an interest and would like to see if it can be a romantic interest. Men (myself totally included) fear rejection, and thus we often settle for the cold comfort of just being on speaking terms with the "girl of our dreams", all the while pining for her love while she either remains oblivious or fearful of things getting weird. This isn't a good thing, it's silly and masochistic, and it isn't right to do to a woman, either. This isn't to say a guy can never ask a "girl-who-is-a-friend" out, but in order for that to work she must ACTUALLY BE YOUR REAL FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH, a friend who you have an established friendly rapport and comfort level with. This means being around her and not trying to make romantic gestures, and being comfortable with just talking to her like you would anybody else, not the "friendship" some people start because the guy's just looking for an opening to get with her. The funny thing about having a friendship with a woman, though? You're TOTALLY ALLOWED TO FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS HER. It's not weird: you're a guy, she's a gal, and if she's your friend odds are there are things about her you enjoy getting the chance to interact with (personality, sense of humor, intelligence, looks, style, whatever). It's just that there's a gigantic freakin' difference between "she's really cool, it's fun to hang around with her" and "I'm hanging around her in the vain hope that she'll finally demonstrate that she loves me/is sexually attracted to me". I guess you can make two different definitions of "friendzone". One is the serious, misguided, destructive definition that has to do with the guy who pines for the unattainable girl, but doesn't just man up and face the possibility of rejection. The other is more of a joking term to describe a place a guy might be with a woman he'd be happy to go out with, but is perfectly content if it doesn't happen. I have a long time family friend who I used to crush on badly in high school, but we've grown up, things change, and while I'd still gladly reciprocate if she offered something romantic, I'm also perfectly happy for her that she seems to have found the guy she'll likely marry. It's growing up: you can be attracted to a woman but still treat her the way you'd treat your buddies, and not like some goddess on a pedestal or some unattainable figure from Poe's "Annabelle Lee". It's a lesson I certainly wish I had learned earlier in life (along with eating better/exercising more before I got to college, which kind of tied into these things): here I am, 27 years old, and I feel so much more comfortable being around and talking to women I used to feel all jumpy around, and they seek me out to BS or hang out more often. It's not that I'm necessarily getting anything romantic from them, as many of them have boyfriends now (some longterm), but I find myself sitting back and thinking "it's all good". Too bad I couldn't figure it out back when I'd have had a real chance, but I'm definitely happy to have learned and grown, makes me feel infinitely less pressure and much more at ease with myself. If only our forum had a "like" button for moments like this one. We have this
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Post by Can you afford to pay me, Gah on Dec 26, 2012 23:35:06 GMT -5
The friendzone is a bunch of none sense. If all you can think about with someone you like is sex. Even if you tried and she or he had no interest but still like you as a person but isn't sexually attracted to you. Yet you can't expect that and still be friends and do fun things together, then are you really friends at all?
You can call it horrible if you like, but the question is do you see her and him as someone you want to have sex with or do you truely care about the person? I have more female friends then I do male. Did I find a lot of them sexually attractive? yes. But they weren't interested in me in that way but like me as a person. Which I excepted that and I look at is as I prefer too have them as friends then nothing at all.
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Brood Lone Wolf Funker
Ozymandius
Got fined anyway. Possibly a Moose
James Franco is the white Donald Glover
Posts: 61,742
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Post by Brood Lone Wolf Funker on Dec 27, 2012 0:11:30 GMT -5
I was "friendzoned" by a lingerie model tonight, and I have no problems what so ever she feels comfortable talking to me about her problems, and I feel the same way. Sometimes just being friends in the benefit enough. If your in a relationship sometimes its hard to talk about whats bothering you but being just friends eliminates that boundary because there is no real emotional investment in just being friends, the only investment you have is listening back
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Post by Danimal on Dec 27, 2012 0:27:29 GMT -5
I loathe the term 'friendzone' and the connotation it has. I'll be blunt: some people have some social issues if they can't understand that no member of the opposite sex has the obligation to date or f*** you just because you guys have some kind of regular interactions with each other. Grow up and be happy that someone likes/cares about you as a friend. This is way off. The friendzoned don't feel the other has an obligation to date/**** them. They just feel frustrated that they have amorous feelings towards someone they spend considerable time around and that person doesn't share said feelings. Are they setting themselves up sticking with a frustrating relationship? Hell yes they are, but that doesn't mean they feel they are owed nookie.
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Post by HMARK Center on Dec 27, 2012 0:52:44 GMT -5
I loathe the term 'friendzone' and the connotation it has. I'll be blunt: some people have some social issues if they can't understand that no member of the opposite sex has the obligation to date or f*** you just because you guys have some kind of regular interactions with each other. Grow up and be happy that someone likes/cares about you as a friend. This is way off. The friendzoned don't feel the other has an obligation to date/**** them. They just feel frustrated that they have amorous feelings towards someone they spend considerable time around and that person doesn't share said feelings. Are they setting themselves up sticking with a frustrating relationship? Hell yes they are, but that doesn't mean they feel they are owed nookie. It's not necessarily every guy, but I think the post you quoted was dealing more with "Nice Guys", the guys who feel that since they're displaying overt acts of kindness that they deserve something in return. Not surprisingly, "Nice Guys" and "friendzone" are terms that are often used in related discussions. But the post is pretty accurate, I think: if we're talking about a "friendzone" situation where the guy is just hanging on in the hope that the woman will suddenly reciprocate his feelings, then yes, there is a bit of that "but I'm owed that!" mentality going on to justify the situation, even if it's not vocalized and is happening more on a subconscious level.
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Magician under the moonlight
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Always Beaten To The Punchline. Always.
A magician and a thief. That's Badass
Posts: 15,727
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Post by Magician under the moonlight on Dec 27, 2012 2:22:12 GMT -5
Not that bad, until you meet her hot friend.
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King Ghidorah
El Dandy
On Probation for Charges of two counts of Saxual Music.
How Absurd
Posts: 8,330
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Post by King Ghidorah on Dec 27, 2012 2:23:51 GMT -5
Hey, Cela was right.
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