Post by The OP on Dec 28, 2012 8:03:38 GMT -5
I think if you're in a place where you really have the confidence and maturity to be in a relationship at all, you shouldn't be able to wind up in the "Friend Zone" (an awfully friendly name for something so terrible). I have a friend who I've felt like I'm in love with for a long time, and I've never said anything about it because there's just never been a time where everything clicked (one of us is dating someone else, etc.), and in the meantime I met and fell in love with someone else, who I've now been with for about three years and who I plan on marrying. That doesn't mean my feelings for this other woman have gone away, but I believe I have made peace with the fact that our relationship was meant to be a friendship. I think that whether you believe in some sort of higher power or you think life is just a series of random events, I think things tend to happen for a reason. If you're not the spiritual type, I would tell you maybe it's the result of the circumstances people set into motion subconsciously; either way, there's a reason.
I think one of the reasons I'm able to sort through these feelings and basically resolve them within myself is that I reject terms like "friend zone" that we make up to try to simplify our lives by compartmentalizing things, or concepts like having a "one true love" that we make up to be romantic. I know what people mean when they say that, but I think it's possible to have a deep, unbreakable affection for more than one person. I know it's possible, because I do. Everything depends on the circumstances though. My former long term girlfriend I have cut off all contact with. She wanted to maintain a friendship, but I never thought of her as just a friend and she never thought of me that way either, so I know there would always be this awkward jealousy between us and we might even try to sabotage each other's relationships (she's tried to do it to me already which is why I so firmly cut off contact). The other woman I'm in love with has always been my friend though and I'm used to her dating other people, even friends of mine. I guess that's what makes it possible to accept what is and just move on with the friendship, there's no sexual jealousy involved (well, not too much). When you cut the s*** and get right down to it I think that's the difference between "friend" and "friend zone".
I think one of the reasons I'm able to sort through these feelings and basically resolve them within myself is that I reject terms like "friend zone" that we make up to try to simplify our lives by compartmentalizing things, or concepts like having a "one true love" that we make up to be romantic. I know what people mean when they say that, but I think it's possible to have a deep, unbreakable affection for more than one person. I know it's possible, because I do. Everything depends on the circumstances though. My former long term girlfriend I have cut off all contact with. She wanted to maintain a friendship, but I never thought of her as just a friend and she never thought of me that way either, so I know there would always be this awkward jealousy between us and we might even try to sabotage each other's relationships (she's tried to do it to me already which is why I so firmly cut off contact). The other woman I'm in love with has always been my friend though and I'm used to her dating other people, even friends of mine. I guess that's what makes it possible to accept what is and just move on with the friendship, there's no sexual jealousy involved (well, not too much). When you cut the s*** and get right down to it I think that's the difference between "friend" and "friend zone".