The three remaining Would-Be Idols were figuratively (and if the competition wasn't already pushing the boundaries of what could be depicted on the Freakin' Awesome Network forums, literally) put through the wringer by the ever mysterious cabal of Judges presiding over this, Season IX, of FAN Idol.
At the FAN Kitchens, Vienna, Australia:
The final three contestants, Felicity Smoak, The Orangeutan, and Thank You Based Suave waited impatiently for Judge Waffle to arrive at his decision.
The judge paced back and forth, analyzing the dishes in front of him. For some inexplicable reason, Judge Waffle wanted the three would-be FAN Idols to create their finest Poached Eggs dishes to please his refined palate.
Poaching an egg requires a most refined culinary acumen: the water must reach the precise moment where bubbles start to break on its surface, prompting the would-be chef to drop an almost imperceptible amount of white wine vinegar into the bubbling water. Create a vortex in the water using a spoon and pour the egg slowly from a ramekin or cup. Allow the egg to set around the yolk like a white pillow. The egg should float to the top when the white is set. Use a slotted spoon to remove the egg from the water and place it on a paper towel to dry. Then, serve with-
Felicity Smoak: The hell we making breakfast for?!?
Waffle, closely inspecting each contestant's version of Poached Eggs, noting the charming ridges in the whites, the extravagant caviar placed upon the eggs (eggs on eggs in that French way), the gentle nature of the would-be Idols revealed in dramatic fashion with their poached eggs.
Inhaling the divine aroma of Thank You Based Suave's perfectly poached eggs, the yolk hiding like a sea serpent at rest on the bottom of the ocean, Judge Waffle noted that:
"Cooking is like music. It is an art form and one's efforts in that medium reveal what sort of competitor one truly is. Ah, look at Suave's Eggs!"
Thank You Based Suave's eggs looked like miniature clouds that somehow deigned to dance around close to the Earth's surface. Suave smiled wide at Waffle's accolades, leaving the Orangetuan to regroup and write an elaborate plan on a napkin, charting out what exactly he should select for Future Rounds. Felicity rolled her eyes and mumbled something about Suave being good at cooking breakfast because he wakes up with strange women all the time, a comment that Suave took well.
Surf's Up! Judge radradsley, known throughout the Freakin' Awesome Network as the Surfer Rosa of the Squared Circle, dragged the three Finalists to one of the innumerable beautiful beaches owned by the Freakin' Awesome Network across the globe, in this case the pristine waters of Baia do Sancho Brazil:
Judge radradsley wowed the contestants with some truly radical surf moves, the board traversing the waves like a surgeon's knife. He performed some tube-riding for what seemed like hours at a time and then casually stopped to hang heels and converse with the contestants:
radradsley: Brah! Music is like water and one righteous dude, The Dragon Bruce Lee himself, said "Be Like Water, My Friends!" So, be the water dudes! Relax, feel the spirit of the waves, embrace ‘Awili, the wave none dare to ride. Dare to ride it dudes. Dare to ride.
Rad pivoted on his ornate surfboard, set with tribal runes, going from regular foot to goofy foot and back again. The FAN judge seemed to listen to the waves for a moment and told the contestants that each wave was special, that each had their own sound, their own style. Master them all, rad said, and duck dived underneath a mounting wave.
Orangeutan got caught up in a gas chamber when the mounting wave went over him but, with some adjustments, mostly achieved through his now prominent simian tale, Orangeutan found himself on a glassy spot of the surf, smoothing sailing ahead of him. Suave and Felicity heard the Orangeutan howling into the morning sky, a most musical note that seemed to attract a school of dolphins.
Felicity: Aww, dolphins! (She looked at Orangeutan out in the surf and rad diving underneath another wave) Hmm, I bet I can take a little break. So, in her surfer gear, Felicity took a break from the surfing and scratched a dolphin on its nose.
(Once again, Roxie's Joan Jett. Heh, a lot of people have been Joan Jett this Season)
Suave sighed and went forward, deeper out to sea, the sun shining off of his surfer board, highlighting the reggae singer depicted on its top.
And here are the scores for
Round 43: Judges' Round II . The winner of this Round will be able to select an additional song for Round 44: The End. As noted, the contestant with the highest combined Round 43 and Round 44 point total will move on to the Finale, while the other two contestants will have one more task to perform.
In third place, earning 108 pts going in to Round 44, is a contestant who makes omelets extra fluffy and, in general, is smothered, covered, and chunked is...
{Spoiler}
Orangetuan!!! who gave us an old country spook with Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Requiem the Fifth (40 pts, 3rd), drove us out of our heads with Oliva Newton-John's Hopelessly Devoted to You from the immortal Grease Soundtrack (27 pts, 10th), divided us and put us back together with the implacable metal beats of Prog Alt. Metal Sorcerers Tool and their Schism (33 pts, 6th), and made us breakfast at 3 AM in the morning, when you really want to eat but are too lazy to cook yourself, with his Ode to Judge Waffle, Parry Gripp's Do You Like Waffles? (8 pts, 12th)!!!
{Spoiler}
Felicity Smoak.
Thank You Based Suave.
Please Step Forward.
You two are the highest scoring contestants for
Round 43: Judges' Round II and one of you has made a crucial first step towards becoming one of the Final Two contestants of FAN Idol Season IX.
Looking back over the Season, one realizes that you two have been neck and neck the entire way. At this late stage in the Game, it may ultimately come down to who has the better Round in a tight competition such as this. You two are both incredible players and have shaped the direction of the competition. The other remaining contestant is also very resourceful and will put up quite a fight moving forward. On this day, however, the surf is up for the winner of Round 43. The winner will have the option of selecting an additional song for the next Round, a key advantage for what is to come. With an impressive 153 points, the tide is come in for...
{Spoiler}Felicity Smoak!!! Congratulations! You took a leisurely approach to the Judges' demands with Prog. Rock Architects Yes and their Roundabout (51 pts, 1st), gave life to the monstrous Edgar Winter Group and their hulking Frankenstein (45 pts, 2nd), charmed us with the melancholic yet hopeful Somewhere Over the Rainbow performed by Judy Garland for the peerless fantasy of The Wizard of Oz (32 pts, 7th), and cut through our hearts like butter with the fiery Fiona Apple and her Hot Knife (25 pts, 11th)!!! Congrats!
Not to be outdone, showing off a cool 129 pts, is Thank You Based Suave!!! who made us all filthy, filthy beasts with alternative rock pioneers The Pixies and their musical blueprint of a track Debaser (28 pts, 9th), keeps the competition fierce and tensions up-ke with West Side Story's rebellious Dear Officer Krupke (30 pts, 8th), stunned us with the intricate sonic layers of electronic scientists M83 and their dystopic M83 (36 pts, 4th), and showed us a performance worthy of a standing ovation with ragtime giant Scott Joplin's The Entertainer (35 pts, 5th)!!!
Phenomenal Round everyone!!!
Rankings by Contestant:
{Spoiler}
1. Felicity Smoak- 153 pts
Roundabout- Yes (World of Misfit Genres- Prog. Rock)
FW-11, MB-7, NC-11, PM-12, RR-10= 51 (1st)
Frankenstein- The Edgar Winter Group (Instrumental)
FW-9, MB-12, NC-8, PM-10, RR-6= 45 (2nd)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Judy Garland (The Wizard of Oz; Musicals)
FW-4, MB-6, NC-12, PM-6, RR-4= 32 (7th)
Hot Knife- Fiona Apple (You Think You Know Me; Double Dip of J)
FW-6, MB-3, NC-3, PM-2, RR-11= 25 (11th)
2. Thank You Based Suave- 129 pts
Debaser- The Pixies (You Think You Know Me- Double Dip of Widow’s Peak)
FW-12, MB-2, NC-6, PM-5, RR-3= 28 (9th)
Dear Officer Krupke- West Side Story (FAN the Musical)
FW-2, MB-11, NC-7, PM-1, RR-9= 30 (8th)
Midnight City- M83 (The World of Misfit Genres)
FW-7, MB-4, NC-5, PM-8, RR-12= 36 (4th)
The Entertainer- Scott Joplin (Instrumental)
FW-5, MB-9, NC-4, PM-9, RR-8= 35 (5th)
3. Orangeutan- 108 pts
Requiem the Fifth- Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Instrumental)
FW-8, MB-10, NC-9, PM-11, RR-2= 40 (3rd)
Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia Newton-John (Musical)
FW-3, MB-8, NC-2, PM-7, RR-7= 27 (10th)
Schism- Tool (World of Misfit Genres- Progressive Metal)
FW-10, MB-5, NC-10, PM-3, RR-5= 33 (6th)
Do You Like Waffles?- Parry Gripp (You Think You Know Me; References Waffel)
FW-1, MB-1, NC-1, PM-4, RR-1= 8 (12th)
Rankings By Song:
{Spoiler}
1. Roundabout- Yes (World of Misfit Genres- Prog. Rock)
FW-11, MB-7, NC-11, PM-12, RR-10= 51 (Felicity Smoak)
2. Frankenstein- The Edgar Winter Group (Instrumental)
FW-9, MB-12, NC-8, PM-10, RR-6= 45 (Felicity Smoak)
3. Requiem the Fifth- Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Instrumental)
FW-8, MB-10, NC-9, PM-11, RR-2= 40 (Orangeutan)
4. Midnight City- M83 (The World of Misfit Genres)
FW-7, MB-4, NC-5, PM-8, RR-12= 36 (Thank You Based Suave)
5. The Entertainer- Scott Joplin (Instrumental)
FW-5, MB-9, NC-4, PM-9, RR-8= 35 (Thank You Based Suave)
6. Schism- Tool (World of Misfit Genres- Progressive Metal)
FW-10, MB-5, NC-10, PM-3, RR-5= 33 (Orangeutan)
7. Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Judy Garland (The Wizard of Oz; Musicals)
FW-4, MB-6, NC-12, PM-6, RR-4= 32 (Felicity Smoak)
8. Dear Officer Krupke- West Side Story (FAN the Musical)
FW-2, MB-11, NC-7, PM-1, RR-9= 30 (Thank You Based Suave)
9. Debaser- The Pixies (You Think You Know Me- Widow’s Peak)
FW-12, MB-2, NC-6, PM-5, RR-3= 28 (Thank You Based Suave)
10. Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia Newton-John (Musical)
FW-3, MB-8, NC-2, PM-7, RR-7= 27 (Orangeutan)
11. Hot Knife- Fiona Apple (You Think You Know Me; Double Dip of J)
FW-6, MB-3, NC-3, PM-2, RR-11= 25 (Felicity Smoak)
12. Do You Like Waffles?- Parry Gripp (You Think You Know Me; References Waffel)
FW-1, MB-1, NC-1, PM-4, RR-1= 8 (Orangeutan)