Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
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Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 9, 2013 14:39:16 GMT -5
Chapter One Professor Oak's Lab of Dementia! {Spoiler} You're offering to give me a monster and you can't tell my gender or remember my name? This doesn't seem so very safe, Prof.Does it matter? You'd call me Cantaloupe if I told you that was my name.Oh for f***s sake.Don't try to bullshit me Professor, I had to tell you that one.If you ever stop talking to me.Whoa! What the f*** are you doin' guy?!Why did you shrink me down and put me in my room?! You're a madman!This game is quite demanding. I want to adventure at my own pace.I'm glad you've taken these 11 years to raise me based on all the principles you learned from television.
Oh god, not that crazy bastard again. Well, uh...see ya Mom.
Alright, she said Professor Oak's was next door so...
This doesn't look like a lab...
Pffft, who cares about that guy?
Hmmm, maybe this is the lab. Mom doesn't understand how "next door" works.
Yup, nailed it. Now let's get us a Pokemon.
Oh son of a bitch, not only do I have to deal with Dutch but Oak isn't here either. This family sucks.
I guess I'll just be on my way since I can't steal any of these Pokemon.
Oh, finally you show up. Do you just hide out and wait for little kids to be in danger so you can save them?
Well if some crazy old man had been in his lab, I could already have one.
Maybe if you're fed up with waiting, you should've tried walking in the tall grass, maybe then Grandpa would've noticed you.
Is there literally anything you remember about your grandson without prompting? We should consider keeping you away from the dangerous stuff.
Why was that funny to you? This is just getting more and more strange and I'm less and less sure I want to do this.
Probably because you kept giving them away.
See? You're just proving my point.
"But only after this much more interesting young man whom I remember inviting here gets his choice, now go on Hawk."
And by "patiently" you mean I should cut a swath of fiery Pokewrath across the landscape in my quest to be the very best, like no one ever was?
Of course you picked Squirtle, this is why I stopped inviting you to my sleepovers, because you're an asshole Dutch. Well, I'm gettin' outta here before this gets even weirder, thanks for the tiny fire monster thing Prof.
Damnit Dutch!
"THAT'S GOTTA-THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE!" Oh Jesus, this always happens, I start telling a story and Vince McMahon shows up.
A SHORT WHILE LATER
Ha! Suck it! You had a type advantage and still lost. This is why your family forgets you Dutch.
Yeah, you totally should've picked that one that's made out of grass, would've been a much better choice.
Thanks for that advice Oak, I'll seek out other youths for violent battles.
Thank god he's gone. I'm taking this chance to get the hell out of here too.
Well, where to now? Wait, I know...
Back to the tall grass! And that's the end of chapter one. As young Hawk starts his journey across Kanto, in brutal competition with his rival Dutch the Asshole, what adventures await? The only way is to stay tuned for episode two, the Road to Viridian City.Suggest names for Pokemon, characters you'd like to see, any feedback, whatever.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2013 15:27:55 GMT -5
Tall Grass for the win. As for names, Brodus, Cagey and Odie or M.C.O.D. will do
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
|
Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 9, 2013 17:44:02 GMT -5
Chapter Two The Road to Viridian City...and Back! {Spoiler} Well, since this is my first time out of that tiny square of a town I better check the sign to see where I'm headed.Viridian City huh? Seems legit but I better talk to this stranger to find out for certain.Is that how conversations work in this world? You state your profession and then start making expository statements?Glad to know that sign wasn't lying to me.Taking a potion from a stranger in the woods seems like a good way to get bad touched. I'm getting outta here before this gets weird.I hope nothing attacks me in this tall grass...Oh f*** you.A SHORT WHILE LATERYes! Finally, a fire attack. Look out bird and rat monsters everywhere.Why is that obviously manmade ledge there? That seems like it impedes foot traffic.Oh great, another weirdo hiding out in the weeds.Yeah, those horrible barriers that forced me to have to talk to you? I hate them.How is that at all scary? Outta my way weirdo, I gotta get to the Pokemon Center.Everything in Kanto seems to be really close together.Does anyone ever say no to this?Why is it flashing like that?! Are you electrocuting Kane?!Doubt it.Are you wishing harm on my Pokemon? Not cool Nurse Joy.Alright, now to find that Pokemart that dude was talking about.Huh, that was pretty easy to find.Why do people keep yelling at me the second I enter every room?Duh, where do you think I got this sweet ass Charmander?Well actu-...Dude, I did not agree to this.Sure, any other errands you need run?Back to Pallet Town I guess.Alright, time to try out this ledge jumping thing. This doesn't look too bad.Holy shit, that was scary as hell. That weird kid in the weeds was right.So either I can wander through the tall grass with the angry birds and the rodents of usual size or I can do some ledge jumpin'.Suck it civil engineers!Back to the lab again to take Oak his package. (That's funny if you read it right.)Dude, you saw him like twenty minutes ago.Well we did beat up a bunch of rats together.Well I really had no choice in the matter.Oh great, more of this guy.Ah, so poor memory just runs in the family.More f***in' favors.So what you're saying is...
I gotta catch 'em all.Sweet, five free Pokeballs, now I won't have to deal with that freak at the Pokemart again soon."In other words, you have to beat 'em down enough first."So naturally I'll leave it to two boys who have yet to hit puberty."You're a perpetual dick Dutch. Just a real butthole.That's fine, I'll just read the signs!At least he left without trying to fight me again. I should go see Daisy before I leave town.Sure hope Dutch isn't here. I hate that guy.Yes, an errand to fill an entire Pokemon encyclopedia. Nothing too huge for a minor.Awesome! I got a map without even asking, Dutch is gonna be so pissed. With that errand running out of the way, it's time for the actual adventure to begin. Soon, Hawk will be battling monsters and meeting strangers in tall grass throughout Kanto! Check in next time for chapter 3, Forest Follies!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2013 17:49:00 GMT -5
Squirtles are a must have on camping trips. Especially for young teens. They can clean up any....err unfortunate accidents you might have while thinking of non-pokemon things...
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
|
Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 13, 2013 16:44:04 GMT -5
Let's Play Pokemon FireRed! Chapter Three: A Learning Experience {Spoiler} Well, looks like it's back to the tall grass. Why is this everywhere?See? This grass is dangerous, I didn't even this big ass bird until it was right there!After a quick burning, Pidgey became mine. This is pretty easy considering Kane just burns everything he sees.Now Kane will have no choice but to follow the Buzzard...It was funny to me damnit!That was a pretty quick walk, it doesn't hurt that Buzzard was literally the only Pokemon I saw on the way. Now to find the Pokemart before finding the Gym.See? That's proper way to greet customers, don't ask them to run errands for you. Now gimme some Pokeballs and Potions.Alright, time to find that Gym.What are you talking about? I was just walking by and you started rambling at me.Oh this? Just a Pokedex, Professor Oak just finished them, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd never seen one.How in the f*** do you know that? Did that asshole Dutch tell you?Well, this oughta be great.Really? That's literally the first thing they tell you about the Pokedex.I never said that. I'm pretty good at catching Pokemon, how do you think I got this bitchin' Pidgey? I didn't just find it like that.There's really no need for that.
So the old man started talking about the basics of Pokeballs and Hawk fell asleep for a few minutes but woke up in time for the end of the lesson.Good job old man, you caught the shit outta that Weedle. Now can I go find the Gym?Thanks for the gift man, now I can relive your boring lectures anytime!Finally! I thought I'd never get here.Oh for f***s sake.Then what's the point?!Hmmm, a mystery's afoot! And that brings us to end of another chapter of our adventure. What other scary ass monsters will Hawk encounter? What weird strangers will he meet along the way? Find out more next time.Keep suggesting names for Pokemon.
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Post by The Man They Call Asher on Dec 13, 2013 19:44:43 GMT -5
What are the chances the Gym leader's name is BRAY? I'd mark out.
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
|
Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 13, 2013 20:13:18 GMT -5
Chapter Four Forest Follies {Spoiler} Hmmm, it seems like this is the only road out of town, if only there was a sign to tell me where it leads...Thanks sign! You're always there when I need you.But I want to go up there and get whatever's in that Pokeball. Why can't I just climb over this thing?Great, I had to walk in the tall grass and look what happened. This bullshit again.Oh hey, I don't have one of these. I better use a weaker attack to make sure I don't burn it to death before I can catch it.Goddamnit Kane.Alright, a random building, let's see where this leads.Oh great, more weirdo strangers.Well I would've if my jackass Charmander knew what "scale it back" meant.Awww yissss, time to catch some motherf***in' bug monsters!Me too, there better be some left or I'm gonna f*** you up.Alright, let's do this thing. I hope it's something awesome. I hear Pikachus live around here.Son of a bitch. Okay, better let Buzzard handle this one so Kane doesn't bungle the capture.C'mon man, how'd you let Caterpie beat on you like that?1+ to anyone who knows why this happened.Dude, there's one right over there on the ground. Go get it.Well you're certainly an aggressive one, aren't you? I think I can do this, it's been a few minutes since the Big Red Machine burned something.Hey! Where did you find that? I need one!I bet you're rethinking that challenge now, aren'tcha?Bah gawd! He set him on fire! As god as my witness, I've never seen anything this brutal! Jim Ross? What are you doing here? Vince was unavailable for this chapter so he sent me. Didn't you "retire"? I'd rather not talk about it. BOOMER SOONER!
There was also a Caterpie that met a similar fate but we don't need to see that.Damn straight, don't play with fire kid, you're gonna lose!...wait, that's not right...I have no idea where I am but I keep finding random stuff on the ground. I'm okay with this.Oh great, how many bug catchers are there in this damn forest?What the hell does that even mean? Does choosing a life of Pokemon mean a life of forsaking music? If so, I'm going back to Pallet Town right the f*** now.And he lost, handily. It was pretty sad. He had like two Weedles and a Caterpie, each got immolated. Now, let's get out of this damn forest.There's more of you?! Okay, I got time to squash more bugs.Seriously? You just have one bug? And it's a Caterpie. This shouldn't and didn't take too long.Finally! That place was like a bug infested maze. I didn't see any Weedle or Pikachu though so I may have to return later for now, on to Pewter City! Another day of adventure for our young hero is in the books. Hawk safely navigated the forest but there's still the looming challenge of the Pewter City Gym. What will Hawk do to prepare? Read chapter five, Training Montage Power Hour.Just suggest any damn names guys.[/i]
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Post by The Legend on Dec 13, 2013 20:49:47 GMT -5
Worf Jean Luc Wesley Data Geordie Beverly William
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 21:12:56 GMT -5
Worf Jean Luc Wesley Data Geordie Beverly William You included Wesley but left out Troi and Yar? *points to door* Leave. Now. Get out. Go.
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Post by The Legend on Dec 13, 2013 21:51:51 GMT -5
idk their first names :$
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 22:16:08 GMT -5
the next bird pokemon has to be hostage taking bird or HT Bird
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 22:28:08 GMT -5
Deanna and Tasha. *turns to the no doubt confused WWE:FAN guys* What? I used to watch TNG every night when I was 9.
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Post by The Legend on Dec 13, 2013 22:37:43 GMT -5
Deanna and Tasha. *turns to the no doubt confused WWE:FAN guys* What? I used to watch TNG every night when I was 9. No objections here. Just a real crappy memory Picard > Kirk Also if their names weren't being considered for use before add them to the rest... I want the whole TNG cast up in this... even Wesley...
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
|
Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 13, 2013 22:38:53 GMT -5
Just a warning guys, the next episode is gonna have a few missing "scenes" because, for some reason, some of my caps aren't saving. Sorry in advance. How's everyone liking this so far?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 22:49:25 GMT -5
Tall Grass for the win. As for names, Brodus, Cagey and Odie or M.C.O.D. will do
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
|
Post by Hawk Hart on Dec 14, 2013 20:09:16 GMT -5
Chapter Four and Three Quarters Training Montage Power Hour!/f***in' Screencaps, How Do They Work? {Spoiler} Aw right, headed to Pewter City, gonna search this tall grass for something new and badass to take into battle.Bring it on, I just know this is a Ratata and Kane won't f*** it up this time.Buzz laid the beating on thick but he needs some training.I'm glad that old guy taught me how to catch Pokemon otherwise I'd be lost.And Hawk named his new monster pal "Konnor" and decided some more forest training was needed before taking on the gym leader for Pewter City.Oh hey, I remember this place. It seems like I was here just yesterday...Alright, just gonna walk up and down this patch until I find something awesome... No damnit, I already have one of you! I'm getting outta here.Alright, still walkin', let's find something cool....son of a bitch. Well at least all of these battles gave us this.Still walkin', gotta get better.Whoa! This thing came outta nowhere and started shit. It will be mine!Toldja.Ya know, because it becomes a bee.After looking at the levels of his current team, Hawk decided to scout out a road he saw west of Viridian City on his map.Well, this patch of tall grass has a whole shitlot of nothing. Let's wander up this way...And then Dutch ran up on Hawk and started talking shit before Hawk could even start paying attention.What were you saying? Something about really tough trainers up the road?Well if I would if a certain spiky haired jackass would leave me alone.Oh, and now this shit. Either you want me to get movin' or you want a fight, what's it gonna be ese?Let's burn this mothaf***a down pookie!This is why you don't challenge me to fights Dutch.Gonna end this one quick too.And quickly it was ended. This is just how it's gonna go with us Dutch.So from there, Dutch did some more pontificating that wasn't really captured, mostly due to a brutally short attention span but there was tons of walking until...Alright gym leader, hold on to your butt, the Hawkamaniacs are comin' to getcha! And another somewhat part of a chapter of this adventure is in the books. Can Hawk rise to the challenge of the Pewter City Gym or will he get rocked by it's trainers? Find out in chapter five, Brock and a Hard Place!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2013 20:12:33 GMT -5
I'm enjoying it so far, Hawk. Keep up the good work.
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