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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2014 10:04:55 GMT -5
*The TNA locker room is rioting*
*Sting appears on TV*
Sting: I think what everyone wants to know, AJ, is my house okay?
AJ: You mean is your GIGANTIC CASTLE okay STING?
Sting: Don't hate me because I bought at the right time, AJ.
AJ: When's my right time Sting! When's my right time?
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 2, 2014 10:41:58 GMT -5
Samoa Joe: I smell cake! Cake that says (sniff sniff) "Farewell" and (sniff sniff) "Best Wishes!"
Bully Ray: Your friend has an awesome nose.
AJ Styles: Oh, that's nothing. He can hear pudding.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 2, 2014 11:09:25 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: ...And to protect TNA's future, each Impact contains a certain percentage of undervalued indie workers.
Dave Meltzer: And what percent is that?
Dixie Carter: Zero.
(Meltzer frowns)
Dixie Carter: Zero’s a percent.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 5, 2014 20:06:27 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: So do you think you'll improve our ratings?
Jeff Hardy: Mrs. Carter, you're in luck. Your promotion is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered life. [he produces a bowl of weed laced with God knows what] Care to join me for a smoke?
Dixie Carter: It's 9:30 and tonights a PPV.
Jeff Hardy: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. [he takes a generous puff] Last chance... [Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett don't respond. Hardy smokes the whole bowl] Oh, yeah....
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 11, 2014 18:48:17 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: The deep fryer's here! I got it used from the Army. You can flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds. Samoa Joe: Forty seconds?! But I want it now!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2014 18:55:24 GMT -5
Magnus: I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman that pays my salary, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES!
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Jan 12, 2014 8:19:33 GMT -5
Bully Ray! Magnus needs braces! Bully Ray! Magnus needs Braces!
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Jan 12, 2014 12:06:48 GMT -5
Magnus: And I'll take up smoking and give that up! Dixie: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar. AJ: But he didn't DO anything! Dixie: Didn't he, AJ? Didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, HE DIDN'T! (Dixie snatches the dollar out of Magnus' hands)
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Eric Bischoff: Hey, Jeff, you look great. You get your teeth bleached? Jeff Jarrett: Yeah, it's a new kind of polymer treatment... HEY, SHUT UP! You're here 'cause your Aces & Eights angles are stinking up my ratings! [points to a ratings chart] Jarrett: Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show! Bischoff: What happened here? Lightning hit the transmitter? Jarrett: See, that what I thought at first, but then... HEY, SHUT UP! That crater is where your lousy angle crash-landed! It's ratings poison! Bischoff: But Aces and Eights is critically acclaimed. Jarrett: ACCLAIMED? PAH! I ought to replace it right now with a Chinese cartoon where robots turn into blingwads! But I'm a lazy, lazy man, Eric. So I'm gonna give you one more chance. Now get out! Don't come back till you've fixed Aces and Eights. [Eric Bischoff. slams the door so hard it breaks off, showing Eric Young in the waiting room] Ms. Tessmacher: [off-screen] Okay, Eric, you can go in now. Young: [walks into Jarrett's office] Jeff, I've come to solicit donations for the Wrestling home for the Decrepit, and... [Jarrett still has an angry face from his argument with Eric Bischoff] Young: I'll come back later.
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Christopher Daniels: Did you hold a grudge against Hulk Hogan? Ken Anderson: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. (ding) Daniels: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go. Anderson: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz) A date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)
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Hogan: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good! (Orlando Jordan makes his offensive debut) Hogan: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good! (Jeff Hardy shows up high as a kite for a PPV, causing SpikeTV to throw a lucrative new deal out the window) Hogan: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good! Bischoff: It's gone. hogan: I know. (Scene cut to Titans Tower) Vince: You know Hunter, I think I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage... when TNA flies! (Triple H and him both laugh, then the TNA's TV deal goes flying past the window) Triple H: Will you be donating that money now, sir? Vince: No, I'd still prefer not.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2014 12:34:15 GMT -5
Bishoff: Sharkboy! Stop wrestling X-Division matches! Sharkboy: What X-Division? Bishoff: You heard me hippy!
later
Bishoff: For the last time Homacide, stop wrestling X-Division matches Homacide: Look Mr Bishoff, I dont know what you think constitutes a divisio.. Bishoff: DONT ARGUE WITH ME! JUST STOP IT!
Even Later
Bishoff: *GASP* KENDRICK! I thought I told all of you to stop wrestling X-Division matches! Go Home! Your off the roster! For good! Kendrick: Fine! *grumbles* I still like him better than McMahon
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2014 12:52:54 GMT -5
I got 2.
*Phone call*
Dixie: TNA Meltzer: Hi, I'm looking for a Mr Tings, first name Ray Dixie: RATINGS? ANYONE HERE DRAW RATINGS? Wrestling Fans: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Dixie: *grumbles* ITS YOU AGAIN ISNT IT! Meltzer: WA HA HA HA HA HA HA Dixie: If I ever find out who you are! My Dad will use your head as a bucket and pay someone to paint my house with your brains!
And my second
*phone call*
Dixie: TNA? Meltzer: Hi I'm looking for a Mr Jass. First name Hugh Dixie: One second I'll check. HUGE ASS? SOMEONE CHECK THE LOCKEROOM FOR A HUGH ASS! Cheex: I have a Huge ass. Dixie: Telephone Cheex: Hello, this is a huge ass. Meltzer: Uhhh hi. Cheex: Who's this? Meltzer: Dave Meltzer. Cheex: Well, what can I do for you Dave? Meltzer: Look I'll level with ya. This is a prank call that kinda backfired. So I'd like to bail out right now. Cheex: Alright, better luck next time. *hangs up* What a nice man.
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 12, 2014 17:41:02 GMT -5
Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song Hulk will always carry with him. So I'll settle my score on the salsa floor with this vengeful Latin rhythm! ¡Hulk! Con el corazón de perro ("With a heart of a dog") ¡Señor Hulk! ¡El diablo con dinero! ("The devil with money!") It may not surprise you but all of us despise you please die and fry in hell, you rotten rich, old wretch! ¡Adiós, viejo!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jan 13, 2014 8:55:17 GMT -5
Dixie: Wait a minute that's not on the card, did you write that? Bruce Pritchard: Di-... did you like it?
***
Bischoff: The smarks are very quiet today. Hogan: Yes, a little too quiet if you know what I mean. Bischoff: I'm afraid I don't follow. Hogan: Smarks usually make a lot of noise. NO NOISE... suggests no smarks. Bischoff: Oh look there's one now. Hogan: TO CYBERSPACE! Bischoff: You mean your laptop? Hogan: ...Yes.
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Post by HMARK Center on Jan 13, 2014 22:30:56 GMT -5
Dave Lagana: How could you vote to let Hulk Hogan book this show?!
Eric Bischoff: Let's just say his style moves me...TO A BIGGER HOUSE! ...Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 14, 2014 21:29:41 GMT -5
(A shot of a broken-down trailer. In front, a sign reads: "Spike World Headquarters." Inside, Dixie Carter has a meeting with Spike executives.)
Dixie Carter: Well, since I'm fresh out of options, I guess all that is left is for me to get a show on... ugh... Spike. What do you say?
Executive: I don't know...
Dixie Carter: Oh, come on, you guys are famous for taking a chance on useless crap!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jan 15, 2014 8:14:15 GMT -5
Dixie: All I know is that we just want to make sure we don't end up repeating ourselves. *door flies open* Eric Young: SOMEONE TURNED ON STING AGAIN!
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Post by wildojinx on Jan 17, 2014 0:41:07 GMT -5
(After last week's Impact) Dixie: So what did you think? Network Exec: You, you had AJ get beaten up by the entire heel roster. Dixie: Didnt see that coming huh? Plus the ending sets up a possible comeback. Exec: This is the worst ending to a wrestling show since Great American Bash 04! Dixie: Hey! Lets not say things we cant take back!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 23, 2014 18:28:53 GMT -5
*Daffney discusses her worker's comp claim with Dixie*
Daffney: I should probably see a doctor about this...
Dixie: OK.
Daffney: [realizing] A competent doctor.
Dixie: D'oh!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jan 25, 2014 12:43:09 GMT -5
Bischoff: There's no way out of it. Dixie: Unless... we bring back AJ Styles and push him to the title... Bischoff: Yes... Dixie: And then we lowball him on his new contract signing so that he leaves the company with the belt! Bischoff: Oh my God. *walks to the door* Dixie: Then in six months' time, with even AJ thinking it's a shoot, we bring him back with the belt and I-... Eric, where are you going? You off to write up AJ's new contract? Bischoff: Yes Dixie, I'm off to write AJ's new contract.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jan 25, 2014 12:47:41 GMT -5
Dixie: Gentlemen, there is a poor crippled wrestler in the hospital today, who hopes that we get a great buyrate. I know this because... I had Xema Ion cripple him deliberately to inspire you.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 25, 2014 13:46:54 GMT -5
Dixie: Gentlemen, there is a poor crippled wrestler in the hospital today, who hopes that we get a great buyrate. I know this because... I had Xema Ion cripple him deliberately to inspire you. [Cuts to Jesse Sorensen lying in a hospital bed with a fractured vertebrae and his parents at his side.] Jesse Sorensen: I hope they get a great buyrate or Xema Ion said he's coming back. [/goingtohell]
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