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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 30, 2014 18:54:05 GMT -5
Jeff Hardy: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I learned to make crystal meth and forgot how to wrestle?
Dixie Carter: That’s because you were high.
Jeff Hardy: And how!
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Post by Joshie el Gato Rey on Jan 31, 2014 5:14:24 GMT -5
[Bryan Alvarez has agreed to purchase TNA Wrestling] Dixie Carter: Take this company, but beware it carries a terrible curse! Bryan Alvarez: Ooh, that's bad. Dixie: But it comes with Velvet Sky! Bryan: That's good. Dixie: Velvet Sky is also cursed. Bryan: That's bad. Dixie: But you get your choice of writers. Bryan: That's good! Dixie: The writers include Vince Russo. [Bryan looks puzzled] Dixie: ...That's bad. Bryan: Can I go now?
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 31, 2014 14:41:48 GMT -5
We are the mediocre champions You won’t find our company has any sense! There’s James Storm, there’s Anderson, there’s Foley, they all had their ways There’s the X division's Chris Sabin, “I lost it in thirty days!” We are the adequate, forgettable, occasionally regrettable heavyweight champions of T…N…A!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Feb 2, 2014 14:42:35 GMT -5
But reckless spending and interracial homoeroticism were just volume one of the Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Mar 3, 2014 11:45:08 GMT -5
Davey Richards: Oh, Eddie, we were so close to retaining the championship. Now, thanks to Dixie, it's never going to happen. And I spent so much time building that trophy case.
[shot of pieces of wood with an Oscar atop them with Matthew Mcconaughey's name crossed out and Davey's written on in magic marker]
Eddie Edwards: Davey, maybe Mrs. Carter will book a great show, and you will win your championship!
Davey Richards: So you're saying...we're definitely going to win? Woo hoo!
[Davey grabs the Oscar]
Davey Richards: I won't need this any more!
[Davey tries flushing it; tries again and again and again]
Davey Richards: Eddie, someone broke the toilet!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Mar 3, 2014 18:41:42 GMT -5
[Dixie Carter is listening to Wrestling Observer Radio]
Dave Meltzer: And now we come to Mrs. Dixie Carter. Did you know she likes to re-use the WWE's garbage?
Magnus: Oh, no, Dixie...
Dixie Carter: I have a problem.
Bryan Alvarez: Tune in tomorrow, and every day, because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about TNA's other stars.
Dixie Carter: Well, at least they've already done me.
Dave Meltzer: And we have plenty more on Dixie Carter.
Dixie Carter: D'oh!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 11, 2015 10:18:54 GMT -5
*Samoa Joe goes by catering and is immediately disheartened.*
Samoa Joe: You're serving us gruel? Dixie Carter: Not quite. [pulls out a large drum of gruel with the Destination America logo on the front] This is Destination America-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 11, 2015 12:12:05 GMT -5
TNA viewer: Oh my God – TNA has disbanded! A-ah-ah-AH! [jumps out a window] Dixie: No, no! TNA has not disbanded.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2015 12:23:52 GMT -5
MVP: "I'm going to the backseat of the Scottish limo with Dixie Carter and I won't be back for 10 minutes!"
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 11, 2015 14:20:50 GMT -5
King: Way to play the boss's head like a bongo, MVP.
You know since MVP uses a Scottish limo and his faction is a Clan, maybe he should develop more Scottish traits like wrestle in a kilt and speak in an accent.
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Post by fortknox on Jan 12, 2015 11:46:46 GMT -5
Bill Cosby: Oh,oh-oh! You see, the kids these days, they watch the WWE, which gives them the brain damage. With the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin', they don't know what the TNA is all about. Y'see, TNA is like Jello pudding... no, that's not it. TNA is like Kodak film... no, that's not right neither. I've got it, TNA is like the new Coke - it'll be around forever.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I better leave before someone accuses me of sexual harassment.
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Reflecto
Hank Scorpio
The Sorceress' Knight
Posts: 6,847
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Post by Reflecto on Jan 12, 2015 14:21:17 GMT -5
Matt Conway comes into the TNA writers' office:
"Too bad the last guy left. All he ever did in here was sleep."
Eric Young goes backstage after the TNA World Title reign:
"Eric, I always knew you had it in you." "You did, Dixie?" "Well...no, not really. But I'm glad you proved me wrong."
...oh, wait. Those are quotes from Capitol Critters and Fish Police. ...eh, it's all TNA deserves anyway.
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lionheart21
Patti Mayonnaise
Once did a thing...
Posts: 30,377
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Post by lionheart21 on Jan 12, 2015 14:35:14 GMT -5
Samoa Joe: "Don't make me run! I'm full of chocolate!"
TNA roster: "Oh wow, windows. I don't think I could afford this place."
Dixie Carter: "Shut up, brain. I got friends now, I dont need you anymore."
TNA viewers: "Ahh! Sweet liquor eases the pain."
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 12, 2015 15:00:29 GMT -5
TNA Viewer's Brain: [moans] You can stay, but I'm leaving.
TNA Viewer collapses on the ground.
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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Jan 12, 2015 15:25:21 GMT -5
[Bischoff is trying to think of a way to increase business at the TNA House Shows]
Bischoff: Of course!
[Cut to outside the arena, Bischoff is firing a shotgun into the air while people around him run away, screaming]
Bischoff: TNA Wrestling! TNA Wrestling here! Get your TNA Wrestling! Who's ready? TNA Wrestling!
MVP: [in the present] Dixie, make Eric tell the story right!
Dixie Carter: That's what really happened.
MVP: Oh.
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,219
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Post by Push R Truth on Jan 12, 2015 15:34:29 GMT -5
Receptionist: Rugged Independent Wrestler Booking Service. Dixie: This is Dixie Carter. I'd like a wrestler for the evening. Receptionist: Wait a minute. The Dixie Carter? [Looks over at a bulletin board with Samoa Joe, Jessica Havok and AJ Styles' faces on it, warning their employees not to wrestle for TNA due to their countless mistakes.] Receptionist: Lady, you've got to be kidding! [Receptionist slams the phone, continues writing, phone rings seconds later.] Receptionist: Rugged Independent Wrestler Booking Service. EC3: Hello, this is Mr. Cart...man. Receptionist: Did your wife just call a second ago? EC3: No, I said Cartman, not Carter! Receptionist: Thank God! Those Carters, what a bunch of savages! Especially that dumb broad Dixie! EC3: Actually, the Carters are neighbors of ours and we found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.
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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Jan 12, 2015 15:36:59 GMT -5
[Hulk Hogan made a bet that TNA Impact would beat WWE Raw]
Hogan: I've decided to bring in a few ringers, professional wrestlers. We'll give them token jobs at the Impact Zone and have them wrestle on our show. Big Boss Man, Frank Gotch, Earthquake, Road Warrior Hawk, Andre the Giant
Bischoff: Uh, sir?
Hogan: What is it, Bischoff?
Bischoff: I'm afraid all of those wrestlers have retired and, uh... passed on. In fact, your Heavyweight Champion has been dead for nearly a hundred years.
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,219
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Post by Push R Truth on Jan 12, 2015 15:51:27 GMT -5
Vince: Morons. Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless. None of these cretins deserves a push. Kevin Dunn: Well, it’s in the union contract, sir. One token push per year. Vince: Wait! Who is that young go-getter? [He points at a monitor showing TNA Impact with Kurt Angle sitting in a wheelchair] Dunn: Well, it sort of looks like [chuckles] Kurt Angle, only more dynamic and resourceful. Vince: Angle, huh? Hmm. An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. Our new junior executive. Bring him to me! Dunn:[on the phone] Attention Kurt Angle, you have been promoted. You are now a WWE Wrestler. Take three minutes to say good-bye to your former TNA friends and report to Titan Tower for reassignment to a better life.
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 12, 2015 16:56:28 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: But wait...you can't stop watching TNA because I'm Dixie Carter. I'm not her...I'm Hulk Hogan! Wrestling Fan: The same Hulk Hogan who crashed TNA through the wall with his massive paycheck? Dixie: Uh, actually, my name is Bischoff. Yeah, Eric Bischoff. Wrestling Fan: The same Eric Bischoff who keeps using the same stale wrestling ideas 10 years past it's expiration date? DIxie: Uh, actually, my _real_ name is, uh -- think, Dixie, think! -- Vince Russo! Wrestling Fan: The same Vince Russo whose nonsensical ideas in wrestling are hated by both fans and wrestlers? [later]
Dixie: Jamie Kelnner Wrestling Fan: The same Jamie Kellner who sold WCW to the hated WWF? Dixie: D'oh!
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lionheart21
Patti Mayonnaise
Once did a thing...
Posts: 30,377
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Post by lionheart21 on Jan 12, 2015 17:11:23 GMT -5
SIGN: DIE
Samoa Joe: *Scream*
SIGN: DIET
Samoa Joe: *Scream*
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