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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Jan 12, 2015 17:55:47 GMT -5
Aj Styles: Dixie! Can't you have some other type of wrestling show, one where you don't just have people talking?
Dixie: All normal people love people talking. If I went to a wrestling show and there was no people talking, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the people talking?'. I'm trying to impress people here, AJ. You don't win fans with wrestling.
Russo: [musically] You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling!
Russo, Dixie: You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling!
Russo, Dixie, Kurt Angle: You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling! You don't win fans with wrestling!
AJ : Kurt!
Kurt: I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.
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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Jan 12, 2015 18:00:07 GMT -5
[Dixie reveals the entrance to her secret garden]
Magnus: Wow, a hidden staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a copy of Victory Road 2011?
Dixie: You know, it's never come up...
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jan 12, 2015 18:29:33 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: We leave you with the company for three years and the channel cancels us?! Hulk Hogan: Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch!
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[HHH has just walked in on Vince McMahon, who is tuning a giant death ray.] Vince: By the way, HHH, what's your least favorite company, ROH or TNA? HHH: TNA. Vince: [laughs] Nobody ever says ROH.
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Dixie: Well most promoters will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a head writer, but those promoters are quitters. Serge: What? Dixie: When I first met Vince Russo, his writing was illogical, idiotic and gratuitous. But I worked hard on him, and now he's a whole new person. Serge: Dixie...? Dixie: [firmly] He's a whole new person, Serge.
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Jan 12, 2015 19:47:07 GMT -5
Man: How many of you kids would like TNA to deal with real-life problems, like the ones you face every day? Kids: [clamoring] Oh, yeah! I would! Great idea! Yeah, that's it! Man: And who would like to see them do just the opposite -- getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers? Kids: [clamoring] Me! Yeah! Oh, cool! Yeah, that's what I want! Man: So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show… that's completely off-the-wall and swarming with magic robots? Kids: [all agreeing, quieter this time] That's right. Oh yeah, good.
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Post by Beets by Schrute on Jan 13, 2015 12:30:27 GMT -5
Jeremy Borash: Yes a recent poll has TNA ranked as one of the worst companies to work at in the country. In smart booking, dead last. Bully Ray: I keep telling you people! You need a motive to turn heel! Kurt Angle: Burn him! Fan: What a story! *takes picture* Angle: You've stolen my soul!
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,269
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Post by Push R Truth on Jan 13, 2015 14:14:27 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: By now, you've seen all TNA has to offer... Tommy Dreamer: Uh-huh. Dixie Carter: But remember; we can't tell you how to have a good time. You have to tell us! As I said to Hulk Hogan during our contract negotiations: Have it your way, brother! Tommy Dreamer: [picks up phone] Hello, TNA Catering? I'd like a banana fudge sundae. With whipped cream! And some chocolate chip cheesecake. And a bottle of tequila!
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,365
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Post by MiLB Fan on May 31, 2015 20:33:20 GMT -5
Sorry about the bump, but this one just came to me in light of TNA's current situation.
Destination America Executive: Dixie, I'm sorry. But we're canceling your show.
Dixie: Oh I knew this day would come eventually. I just hope you can find something as entertaining and educational as Impact Wrestling was.
DA Exec: Actually, we're replacing Impact Wrestling with a series of hemorrhoid commercials starring Batsquatch and the Amish ghost hunters.
Dixie: Can I be Hemorrhoid Sufferer Number One? "Ooooh, the pain! The pain! Is there no relief!"
DA Exec: No, I don't think so.
Dixie: Well, how about one of the "after" guys? "Aaaah, that feels better! I can ride a bike again!"
DA Exec: Sorry. *walks off*
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on May 31, 2015 22:50:12 GMT -5
Dixie: It'll be hell being off TV but I guess I gotta take my medicine. Unless- Unless I send a letter to Destination America clearing TNA.
EC3: Yeah?
Dixie: Then we go to the graveyard and steal a rosters worth of corpses.
EC3: Oh, my God.
Dixie: We switch clothes with 'em and leave them in the Impact Zone. Then we pour some lighter fluid around, like so.
EC3: Yeah, would you hand me my keys and contract?
Dixie: Uh, yeah. Here you go. Then we light a match. And fwoof! We start a new life and new promotion in Hawaii.
EC3: Good-bye, Dixie.
Dixie: Where you going? You going to find the corpses?
EC3: Yes, Dixie, I'm going to find corpses.
Dixie: Uh, well, you want me to come with? Ethan? Dearest? *sighs* he ain't coming back.
Bully Ray: Must kill Dixie. Wheeeee! Must kill Dixie. Wheeeee!
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Post by Terry Ebola on Jun 1, 2015 5:13:56 GMT -5
Josh Mathews: Wait, I'm confused about the match. So the cops knew that Internal Affairs was setting them up?
Al Snow: What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there.
Josh: You see, when I get bored I make up my own match. I have a very short attention span.
Al: But our point is very simple. You see, when...
Josh: Oh, look! Kurt Angle!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Jun 1, 2015 6:17:35 GMT -5
Dixie Carter [to an outspoken MVP]: Why don't you tell them one of your little bedtime stories, huh? Like the one about how rotten it is to be working for a loser. Or how about the one about how I pay my wrestlers with bounced checks? Yeah, they bounce!
Kenny King: Shut up and let the man talk.
MVP: Okay, Dixie, I'll tell a story. It's about a woman whose parents gave her a sweet job as the owner of a wrestling company.
Kenny King: Bo-ring.
MVP: A woman whose complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence...
Kenny King: Ooh, here we go!
MVP: ...sent the number two promotion in the country into a spiral for fourth place, below ROH and Lucha Underground.
[Jeremy Borash hides a DVD of Final Battle 2014]
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Dixie Carter: You're letting us go?
Destination America Executive: Dixie, Destination America is a competent business, with competent fans. Maybe incompetent viewers watch Destination America, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.
Dixie Carter: So, that's it after six months? "So long. Good luck?"
Destination America Executive: I don't recall saying, "Good luck."
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Dixie Carter: Running a promotion without TV is great, Vince. I can do whatever I want. Today I'm making an unknown indie wrestler world champ.
Vince McMahon: The guy I saw mopping floors down the hall?
Dixie Carter: Yeah! And another great thing, you get to promote wherever you want. I'm running in abandoned fairgrounds, do you?
Vince McMahon: I run in big venues with lots of fans.
Dixie Carter: Oh. Yeah.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jun 1, 2015 13:13:06 GMT -5
Dixie Carter [to an outspoken MVP]: Why don't you tell them one of your little bedtime stories, huh? Like the one about how rotten it is to be working for a loser. Or how about the one about how I pay my wrestlers with bounced checks? Yeah, they bounce! Kenny King: Shut up and let the man talk. MVP: Okay, Dixie, I'll tell a story. It's about a woman whose parents gave her a sweet job as the owner of a wrestling company. Kenny King: Bo-ring. MVP: A woman whose complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence... Kenny King: Ooh, here we go! MVP: ...sent the number two promotion in the country into a spiral for fourth place, below ROH and Lucha Underground. [Jeremy Borash hides a DVD of Final Battle 2014] Dixie Carter: You want to hear a secret, everybody? MVP loves it! Loves it when I fail! MVP: Oh, yes, Dixie. I love having to borrow extra money from my friends in WWE. I love having to steal t-shirt ideas from ProwrestlingTees. Austin Aries: Oh, sweet Jesus! Jeremy Borash: Christy Hemme, why don't you come sing for us? *Christy comes in singing grand old flag* Dixie Carter: Oh, great! You got the red head singing! I hope you're happy now! MVP: I am not happy. And I haven't been happy for a long time.....I want a release! *All Gasping* Dixie Carter: A release? Sure. Release. Hey, you got it, pal! And here's a picture even you can figure out! *draws a picture of a door* It's a door! Use it! Kenny King: That's a door?
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Jun 1, 2015 13:36:15 GMT -5
Easy target I know:
Dixie: What does the future hold for TNA? Heh. Let's just say we have a few ideas up our sleeve.
Meltzer: Like what?
Dixie: Um, I'd rather not get into it right now.
Meltzer: Why not?
Dixie: All right, we don't have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy?
Meltzer: [whiny] No.
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mo
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
"Here are the young men, the weight on their shoulders..."
Posts: 16,487
Member is Online
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Post by mo on Jun 1, 2015 18:32:35 GMT -5
*A bored Vince McMahon wanders into a tax seizure auction as Linda tries to get a personalized license plate*
Auctioneer: Ladies and gentlemen, our next item is TNA Wrestling. How much am I bid for TNA Wrestling? T-N-A. Nothing? No bids for TNA Wrestling?
Vince: A Buck!
*Vince enters dilapidated, rat infested TNA Headquarters* Wow! It's filthy...AND IT'S MINE!
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Jun 1, 2015 22:45:29 GMT -5
*Nashville fairgrounds circa 2002*
Jeff Jarrett: Gentlemen, I give you Total Non-Stop Action: the wrestling federation of the future where nothing can possi-blye go wrong. Er, possi_bly_ go wrong. Heh, that's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jun 4, 2015 5:50:25 GMT -5
Dixie Carter [to an outspoken MVP]: Why don't you tell them one of your little bedtime stories, huh? Like the one about how rotten it is to be working for a loser. Or how about the one about how I pay my wrestlers with bounced checks? Yeah, they bounce! Kenny King: Shut up and let the man talk. MVP: Okay, Dixie, I'll tell a story. It's about a woman whose parents gave her a sweet job as the owner of a wrestling company. Kenny King: Bo-ring. MVP: A woman whose complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence... Kenny King: Ooh, here we go! MVP: ...sent the number two promotion in the country into a spiral for fourth place, below ROH and Lucha Underground. [Jeremy Borash hides a DVD of Final Battle 2014] Dixie Carter: You want to hear a secret, everybody? MVP loves it! Loves it when I fail! MVP: Oh, yes, Dixie. I love having to borrow extra money from my friends in WWE. I love having to steal t-shirt ideas from ProwrestlingTees. Austin Aries: Oh, sweet Jesus! Jeremy Borash: Christy Hemme, why don't you come sing for us? *Christy comes in singing grand old flag* Dixie Carter: Oh, great! You got the red head singing! I hope you're happy now! MVP: I am not happy. And I haven't been happy for a long time.....I want a release! *All Gasping* Dixie Carter: A release? Sure. Release. Hey, you got it, pal! And here's a picture even you can figure out! *draws a picture of a door* It's a door! Use it! Kenny King: That's a door? Both of these posts are f***ing perfect. Can I borrow a wristlockkkkk...
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jun 4, 2015 5:53:50 GMT -5
Radio psychic: Okay, your promotion will die a terrible, terrible death. Dixie: *gasp* Radio psychic: Ooh I'm sorry, that was our last caller. Okay, your promotion will die a terrible, terrible death. Dixie: But I- DJ: Thankyou for calling Radio Psychic! Do you have a song request? Orlando Jordan: IT'S RAINING MEN!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jun 30, 2015 6:36:00 GMT -5
Jeff Jarrett: Ahhh, it feels so good to-... leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed, goodnight.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 1, 2015 20:10:36 GMT -5
Serg: Once we collect enough money for fuel, our leader (Dixie) will throw open the doors of the forbidden lockerroom where we will all board our intergalactic vehicle- TNA Champions first. Upon our arrival, we will begin our new, perfect lives on Impactia well-known for its high levels of evertything Impactful.
Austin Aries: I don't know about you, but they're not exactly winning me over with these lousy production values here. I'm gonna slip out and try for NXT again.
Serg: *tape stops and a spot turns on* You're free to leave whenever you want, but would you mind telling us why?
Aries: Oh, I just didn't, uh- I didn't think, um- Oh, it's- it's pretty good.
James Storm: Man, this whole place puffs of the wacky-tabbacky. I'm out of here.
Serg: Going somewhere? Uh, though you're free to do so.
Storm: Uh- No. Just rearranging my underwear. Ah. There it is.
-20 minutes later-
Serg: When you surrender yourself to TNA you are guaranteed a perfect life of serenity, love and loving serenity....and paychecks- Not a guarantee.
Khoya: Loving serenity. It's about damn time!
Manik: I love Dixie Carter.
Abyss: Dixie Carter is perfect.
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lionheart21
Patti Mayonnaise
Once did a thing...
Posts: 30,480
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Post by lionheart21 on Jul 6, 2015 13:08:47 GMT -5
Kurt Angle: "Alright Brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but help me moonsault off that cage and I'll go back to killing you with beer."
Angle's Brain: "Its a deal!"
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,365
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Post by MiLB Fan on Jul 23, 2015 19:54:19 GMT -5
*Dixie's mom and brother react to TNA's troubles*
Janice: How could you spend the entire company budget in one month?! Dixie: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Mom! A stamp!
***
Todd: How could you book a pay-per-view for October when you don't even know if you'll still be on TV?! Dixie: Okay! So I made ONE bad decision! Todd: Oh, it's our fault for leaving you in charge. Sometimes we forget how young you are. Dixie: I'm only two years younger than you! Todd: Oh look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice. Dixie: Well my straw broke off in the carton ... THAT'S NOT THE POINT! We're supposed to be family, and you're pushing me around like a playskool corn popper! Todd (snickering): It's a vacuum cleaner, Dixie. Dixie: WHATEVER! I'M A HUMAN BEING JUST LIKE YOU! I HAVE FEELINGS! I'M A BIIIIG GIIIIIRL! Todd: Shh! Use your "indoor" voice!
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