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Post by Mr PONYMANIA Mr Jenzie on Jul 26, 2015 16:34:52 GMT -5
taryn terrel: i blame YOU and i blame YOU and i blame YOUUUUUUUUU *points to audience member* audience member: hey i just got here, what's going on?
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Nov 7, 2015 9:45:06 GMT -5
Aide: Dixie! Someone finally bought a copy of the Knockouts calendar, ma'am. Dixie Carter: Well then, this calls for a celebration. [switches stereo on] Kool and the Gang: Celebrate good times, come on! Dixie Carter: I will.
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unc40
Dennis Stamp
Posts: 3,623
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Post by unc40 on Nov 7, 2015 17:26:45 GMT -5
"Ah, TNA. The Washington Generals of the sports entertainment world."
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Post by Hit Girl on Nov 7, 2015 18:22:48 GMT -5
Dixie: "We've argued them down to.......a RUSSO"
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Nov 8, 2015 0:13:16 GMT -5
*At the TNA/Sony Six press conference*
Dixie: And so this winter we'll be bringing our diverse and exciting TNA roster for a whirlwind tour of your country. Now I open the floor to any questions.
Reporter 1: Amit Kapoor: Mumbai Free Press...Is this a joke?
Dixie: No this isn't a joke. What we want to do is put on a show with some of the top names in the world of wrestling such as Bram and your very own Mahabali Shera...
Rpeorter 2: Priyanka Shankar: Bombay Times. No really, is this a joke?
Dixie: Nooo Priyanka. And I'll have no further questions of whither or not this is a joke.
All the reporters in the room put down their hands in unison.
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Post by Perpetual Nirvana on Nov 9, 2015 14:19:49 GMT -5
*Dixie's mom and brother react to TNA's troubles* Janice: How could you spend the entire company budget in one month?! Dixie: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Mom! A stamp! Janice: Your promotion's broke. Dixie: Oh no! Wait! I think I've got the perfect solution. Janice: You better, because those wrestlers won't work for free. Dixie: D'oh!
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,266
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Post by Push R Truth on Nov 9, 2015 14:31:01 GMT -5
AJ Styles: If someone distracts Dixie, the rest of us can climb up that thing. Samoa Joe: But who would be dumb enough to stay here while we escape with our lives? Abyss: Ahem... My time to shine
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Post by Porky's Butthole on Nov 9, 2015 18:23:54 GMT -5
Well Dixie'd finally done it Vince McMahon had won it with Triple H chuckling all the while Degrading AJ Styles was awful vile While Jeff Hardy lay unconscious on the bar room tile
Talkin' bankrupt What the hell is our appeal? Talkin' bankrupt We still have no TV deal
Vince Russo was the final straw Kurt Angle and his run in with the law We're talkin' Hoooooooooogaaaaaaaaan and going head to head with Raw
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,266
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Post by Push R Truth on Nov 10, 2015 12:59:59 GMT -5
Russo: You know, a Mark with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it. Abyss: Heh-heh, mule. Russo:The name's Russo, Vince Russo. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest—Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Stamford idea. Dixie:Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Stamford. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it. Russo: All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the new Monday Night Wars! (everyone gasps) I've pushed wrestlers like Tank Abbot, David Flair, and Jeff Jarret, and, by gum, it put them in the main event! Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide six-sided TNA wrestling ring! What'd I say? Bram: T-N-A! Russo: What's it called? Gail Kim and Kong: T-N-A Russo: That's right! TNA!
Wrestlers chanting: T-N-A...T-N-A...T-N-A... (continue over the following lyrics) Don West: I hear those slams are awfully loud. Russo: They hit as softly as a cloud. Shera:Is there a chance the ring could bend? Russo: Not on your life, my Hindu friend. Jeff Hardy: What about us meth head slobs? Russo: You'll be given cushy jobs. Jeff Jarret: Were you sent here by the devil? Russo:No, good sir, I'm on the level. Matt Hardy:The ring came off my pudding can. Russo:Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Dixie's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice! All: T-N-A... Russo: What's it called? All: T-N-A Russo: Once again! T-N-A! AJ Styles: Our Main Event's all cracked and broken. Samoa Joe: Sorry, Bud, the mob has spoken! All: T-N-A... T-N-A!!!!!!!!! T-N-A!! T-N-A!!!!!
Abyss: T-N—D'oh!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 10, 2015 14:22:46 GMT -5
Russo: You know, a Mark with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it. Abyss: Heh-heh, mule. Russo:The name's Russo, Vince Russo. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest—Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Stamford idea. Dixie:Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Stamford. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it. Russo: All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the new Monday Night Wars! (everyone gasps) I've pushed wrestlers like Tank Abbot, David Flair, and Jeff Jarret, and, by gum, it put them in the main event! Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide six-sided TNA wrestling ring! What'd I say? Bram: T-N-A! Russo: What's it called? Gail Kim and Kong: T-N-A Russo: That's right! TNA! Wrestlers chanting: T-N-A...T-N-A...T-N-A... (continue over the following lyrics) Don West: I hear those slams are awfully loud. Russo: They hit as softly as a cloud. Shera:Is there a chance the ring could bend? Russo: Not on your life, my Hindu friend. Jeff Hardy: What about us meth head slobs? Russo: You'll be given cushy jobs. Jeff Jarret: Were you sent here by the devil? Russo:No, good sir, I'm on the level. Matt Hardy:The ring came off my pudding can. Russo:Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Dixie's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice! All: T-N-A... Russo: What's it called? All: T-N-A Russo: Once again! T-N-A! AJ Styles: Our Main Event's all cracked and broken. Samoa Joe: Sorry, Bud, the mob has spoken! All: T-N-A... T-N-A!!!!!!!!! T-N-A!! T-N-A!!!!! Abyss: T-N—D'oh! Sweet Jesus someone find a clapping gif and award this man a purple heart.
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Post by The Foreigner™ Play-In Edition on Nov 12, 2015 8:02:21 GMT -5
Shera: You pay now! Now! Dixie: What happened to you, Shera? You used to be cool. Shera: Hey, Shera still cool! You pay later! Later! Dixie: Solid. The rest of you, go on home and look in your mailboxes 'cause I totally remember sending checks out.
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Post by moondoggie on Nov 14, 2015 18:23:57 GMT -5
Dixie: Okay, before I show you all, who wants to guess how I got the money?
EC3: Dealing drugs?
Gail Kim: Drugs?
Manik: I'll have to say drugs too.
Dixie: Close, but you're way off. Look at that beautiful garbage. *shows many things from other independent and over seas companies* Other wrestling companies don't want it, so they pay me to dump it in the back of the Impact Zone.
Awesome Kong: That's awful! I almost wish it were drugs.
Jeff Hardy: Some of it is. *shows old drugs from CZW & JCW*
Serg: Good God, Dixie. You're turning our wonderful little wrestling company into America's trash hole.
Dixie: Serg! lxnay on the ash holetray.
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Glitch
King Koopa
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,710
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Post by Glitch on Nov 14, 2015 19:52:31 GMT -5
AJ Styles:"And when it's time to promote tna, where's hulk hogan? I'll tell you where! HULK HOGAN is looking out for HULK HOGAN!"
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Post by The Foreigner™ Play-In Edition on Nov 23, 2015 19:07:04 GMT -5
Phone: For automated television ratings, please state the company name. Vince McMahon: Animotion. Phone: WWE Saturday Night's Main Event. 2.4. Vince: Woo! Phone: Special Ric Flair edition of Storage Wars. 1.3. Vince: Huh, what is this crap? Phone: Total Nonstop Action Impact Wrestling. 1.1.
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Nov 24, 2015 1:04:48 GMT -5
Samoa Joe: Hey what gives? I thought you said this venue holds fifty thousand people?
Dixie: It held fifty thousand last night. Now get in the ring the audience is getting restless.
*Cut to a single fan at ringside*
Fan: We want Samoey Joey, We want Samoey Joey.
*Enter Triple H*
Triple H: Hey Samoa Joe you want a spot on NXT?
Samoa Joe: Sure I'll do it if you can get me out of this gig.
Triple H: No problemo. Hey Dixie! Look over there. (Points to the wall)
Dixie: (Turns around) What? What am I looking at? Is that it?
*Triple H and Joe use the distraction to escape.*
Dixie: I'm going to stop looking soon.
*Enter Bob Ryder*
Bob: Hey Dixie, can I look too?
Dixie: Sure, but it's going to cost you.
Bob: My wallet is in the car.
*Bob Exits*
Dixie: *chuckles* Sucker! And now back to that wall.
In hindsight this gag could have been done with almost any recent TNA departure, but Samoa Joe was just the first name to pop into my head.
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Heartbreaker
King Koopa
Is actually Bindi Irwin
RIP Punk's media scrum, Page 54, Muffins, Biting People Bad™ (2022 - 2022)
Posts: 11,846
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Post by Heartbreaker on Mar 9, 2016 23:06:38 GMT -5
*Dixie after TNA goes broke and shuts down*
Dixie Carter: They took my money, they wrecked my show, they buried a bunch of stinking veterans in my family plot but at least I still got my memories. Those are locked up safe in my fabulous house.
*She walks inside to see an auction taking place*
Auctioneer: And now, lot number 66, a handmade leather suitcase carried by the Carter family upon their arrival in Texas in 1902. A priceless heirloom and historic piece of Carterana. What am I bid?
Angelina Love: Forty cents.
Auctioneer: I got 40 cents! Sold for 40 cents!
Dixie Carter: 40 cents? Ugh! My grandpa Clarice would turn over in his grave if it wasn’t filled with some veteran.
Auctioneer: Lot 67, 32 cartons of Bram contracts.
Jeff Jarrett: Ten cents.
Josh Matthews: Twelve!
Auctioneer: Twelve cents to our phone bidder in Japan. Any other bids?
Jeff Jarrett: Aww, all I brought is a dime. I didn’t know there would be Bram contracts.
Auctioneer: Sold for twelve cents!
Dixie Carter: *screams* Ah, my beloved Bram contracts! I can’t watch this anymore! I’m going to bed.
Auctioneer: How much for Dixie’s bed?
Bo Dallas: Half a buck!
Auctioneer: Sold!
Bo Dallas: Goodnight everybody!
Everyone: Goodnight Bo!
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Post by sonofsharknado on Mar 10, 2016 14:48:42 GMT -5
Russo: You know, a Mark with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it. Abyss: Heh-heh, mule. Russo:The name's Russo, Vince Russo. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest—Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Stamford idea. Dixie:Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Stamford. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it. Russo: All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the new Monday Night Wars! (everyone gasps) I've pushed wrestlers like Tank Abbot, David Flair, and Jeff Jarret, and, by gum, it put them in the main event! Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide six-sided TNA wrestling ring! What'd I say? Bram: T-N-A! Russo: What's it called? Gail Kim and Kong: T-N-A Russo: That's right! TNA! Wrestlers chanting: T-N-A...T-N-A...T-N-A... (continue over the following lyrics) Don West: I hear those slams are awfully loud. Russo: They hit as softly as a cloud. Shera:Is there a chance the ring could bend? Russo: Not on your life, my Hindu friend. Jeff Hardy: What about us meth head slobs? Russo: You'll be given cushy jobs. Jeff Jarret: Were you sent here by the devil? Russo:No, good sir, I'm on the level. Matt Hardy:The ring came off my pudding can. Russo:Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Dixie's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice! All: T-N-A... Russo: What's it called? All: T-N-A Russo: Once again! T-N-A! AJ Styles: Our Main Event's all cracked and broken. Samoa Joe: Sorry, Bud, the mob has spoken! All: T-N-A... T-N-A!!!!!!!!! T-N-A!! T-N-A!!!!! Abyss: T-N—D'oh! You sir are a golden god.
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Post by Chip Jordan on Mar 10, 2016 18:01:02 GMT -5
[Dixie Carter and Josh Mathews are in a private jet trying to find a network willing to pick up TNA Impact]
Dixie: Ohhh, there’s a big one! And it has “ratings” written all over it!
Josh: Ma’am… that’s Pop TV.
Dixie: Pop TV eh? Take her down, Josh.
[Awkward pause]
Josh: Uh, you’re flying the plane, ma’am.
Dixie: Excellent.
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Post by wildojinx on Mar 30, 2016 0:11:05 GMT -5
More of a crossover with the WWE, but still relevant:
TV Announcer: TNA is coming to Stamford Connecticut! Shane McMahon: Hey dad, how come you never took us to a TNA house show? Vince: I dont know Announcer: All your TNA favorites will be there, Drew Galloway! Bram! Eric Young! ECIII! Vince: Aww, i never heard of any of those people Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs! Vince: Woo hoo!
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Heartbreaker
King Koopa
Is actually Bindi Irwin
RIP Punk's media scrum, Page 54, Muffins, Biting People Bad™ (2022 - 2022)
Posts: 11,846
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Post by Heartbreaker on Apr 12, 2016 1:06:43 GMT -5
Dixie Carter: *smiling* I work in a warehouse, do you?
Vince McMahon: *nonchalantly* I work in a big building with my family.
Dixie Carter: Oh.... yeah.
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