Raw opened with a promo from Alberto Del Rio, saying that "Last night I fought 29 perros and deserve to go to Wrestlemania for it is my destiiiiinyyyyyy!!" He then pointed to the Mania sign and we went to first commercial.
Back from the commercial, Del Rio in ring. Out comes Jeff Hardy to a decent pop. Hardy beats Del Rio in 17:15 with a Camel Clutch. Afterwards, Jeff throws glowsticks out to the crowd and grabs a bag of chips from a guy in the front row. Pretty good match. Del Rio busted out the Rock Bottom at one point, not sure if that's foreshadowing.
Backstage segment with HHH, Robocop, and Stephanie. Robocop says that the Rumble was a disgrace, and the Authority needs to make things right. HHH agrees, says that "We need to handle this Daniel Bryan problem once and for all." Then presses a big red button on some kind of remote. Cut to commercial.
Back from commercial, Fandango vs R Truth vs Tensai vs Regal in a dance off. As it's going on, glass shatters. AUSTIN IS BACK! He comes out, grabs the mic. "In all my years I have NEVER seen such a farce as what I'm lookin at now. You boys think you can dance? Well Austin 3:16 says I just tangoed all over your ass!" Austin proceeds to perform an absolutely beautiful tango with Summer Rae. Crowd can't get enough and keeps chanting AUSTIN. Cut to commercial.
Next match was pretty good; Cena vs Ryback. Cena kept pulling stuff out of shorts to mess with Ryback; first a banana peel that Ryback stepped on, then a bottle of seltzer water he sprayed him with, and then an IKEA futon he put Ryback through for the finish. Good stuff. Afterwards the Wyatts surrounded the ring but Cena escaped with a smoke bomb.
Backstage segment with HHH again. He says "Robocop was just phase one.... phase two begins TONIGHT. Bitches, leave." Then Stephanie walks out. We hear metallic footsteps off-camera as HHH laughs maniacally. Cut to commercial again.
Next up, Curtis Axel reads a poem. Good stuff.
Batista vs El Torito up next. Torito wins with a rollup in about 2 minutes. Afterwards the camera zooms in on Batista, who has pooped his pants. Renee Young hits the ring to interview him. Batista pauses for a moment, then says "I MADE A POOPY IN MY PANTS". Huge pop for that.
D Bry hits the ring and the roof explodes off the place. Literally, you could see the sky. He says that everyone wanted him to win the Rumble, but the machine wouldn't let it happen. HHH's music hits. "You talk about the machine, Daniel, well that's funny! Because the only machine you have to worry about now..... is this one!" Out comes a 12 foot tall robot to the ring. Bell rings and we have our main event.
Bryan beats the Giant Robot in 24:31 with the Yes Lock. Awesome match, definitely youtube this one. Highlights were Bryan deflecting the Robot's Laser Cannon with Brie Bella's pocket mirror, the Robot's amazing german suplex, and Bryan chopping off the Robot's left arm with a series of kicks.
Afterwards the Robot explodes and a bunch of gold coins go flying into the audience. HHH sneaks into the ring during the confusion with a giant golden sledgehammer, which he swings at Bryan. Bryan catches it with one hand, then crushes it. HHH pulls a knife and stabs D-Bry in the gut as we fade to black.
Overall a pretty good Raw. The commentary team switch (Lawler swapped for a box of Cheerios, JBL replaced by Aksana) was a good move that helped emphasize that we are in a new era. Giant Robot had a good debut; even though he lost he got in a ton of offense and had some flashy moves. Could see him being a huge face down the road a bit.
