shaker
Team Rocket
The numbers don't lie - and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice!
Posts: 779
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Post by shaker on Feb 25, 2014 13:00:00 GMT -5
JBL drops this line in reference to Orton every so often, so it got me thinking. If people really could build a superstar from scratch, what would be be like?
Average male internet fan: About 5 foot 7, 190 lbs. Knows more wrestling holds, moves, and counters than all of NJPW combined. Has one tattoo on his arm that is a funny internet reference/joke. Is good looking but not so good looking that you question your sexuality/your girl's devotion to you. Signs autographs and poses for pictures no matter what. His wrestling attire is cool but not too cool/flashy.
Average 14 year old boy: 7 foot tall, 400 lbs. Covered in tribal tattoos. Has one insanely complicated finisher, otherwise just does power moves. At least one tattoo is a skull and/or a snake. Takes no crap from anybody in real life. Black trunks and boots to match his black soul.
My old college friend who had a weird mancrush on Cena: John Cena except taller and more muscular. Wrestles in the nude and his new finisher involves spraying himself and his opponent with baby oil.
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Post by CATCH_US IS the Conversation on Feb 25, 2014 13:40:49 GMT -5
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Feb 25, 2014 13:42:37 GMT -5
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2014 13:42:42 GMT -5
Not enough skull tattoos in the world ....
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Post by TOK Hehe'd Around & Found Out on Feb 25, 2014 13:46:38 GMT -5
I want to argue this, but I can't. Cena literally is the prototype of the perfect wrestler. Amazingly athletic and strong, charisma out the ass, can deliver any promo with conviction.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2014 13:48:57 GMT -5
Judging by my usual roster of male CAWs... I dunno. You have kind of a Ted DiBiase-gone-hardcore guy, an agile giant, small guy with an inferiority complex who will just beat the shit out of you to make up the difference (not in like a Bryan face with flashy moves kind of way, I mean a heel who will do everything he can to straight up cripple your ass)... Guy who's pretty much Michael Hayes complete with using his Legends of WrestleMania theme... Yeah, I dunno how you combine those.
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Post by Kayfabe FAN don't want none on Feb 25, 2014 15:34:13 GMT -5
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EyeofTyr
Hank Scorpio
Strange and Mystical
Posts: 5,744
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Post by EyeofTyr on Feb 25, 2014 15:36:29 GMT -5
DIG IT!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2014 15:38:14 GMT -5
It has to be Brock. A big jacked up dude that can/could do anything in the ring. Not the best promo, but he never really had to be either.
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Post by The IWC WORLD Champion on Feb 25, 2014 15:38:27 GMT -5
An Eskimo giant who's finishing move is the seal clubber. But he is from Wales.
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Bo Rida
Fry's dog Seymour
Pulled one over on everyone. Got away with it, this time.
Posts: 23,523
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Post by Bo Rida on Feb 25, 2014 15:44:43 GMT -5
John Cena is almost the perfect prototype wrestler, you just need to add the durability of somebody like Jericho or Ziggler in the final version.
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Post by Dave the Dave on Feb 25, 2014 15:46:34 GMT -5
CM Punk with muscles.
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Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
Celestial Princess in Exile.
Posts: 46,098
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Post by Allie Kitsune on Feb 25, 2014 15:51:58 GMT -5
Ideal Internet Guy : 5'10, 170 lbs. Knows every submission hold currently in use, and has invented 3 more. Can add one extra rotation to every flying move and is more flexible than Jack Evans. Makes internet and/or pop culture references constantly, but is a complete and total asshole who runs down anyone and EVERYONE with his mouth. Has a tiny clique he hangs with made up of a humorous guy who knows how to roll with the nasty treatment and an MMA buddy who's almost as big of a jerk as he is.
Has Bill Clinton style "Bad Boyfriend" charisma, where even though you know he's kind of a sleazebag (especially when it comes to dealing with women), many will still think he's somehow charming.
Alternates between a long-haired feminine (as in feminine enough to actually pass) look and a short-haired hipster look (sometimes with ironic facial hair, sometimes without). Explicitly mentions that he uses both looks in order to question the gender-binary in the name of social-consciousness.
Also, has a carefully-cultivated "Rebel" persona, which includes (despite having been "created from scratch" to be a WWE guy) at least 5 years spent in Japan and the indies so that he can look like an outsider when he comes in.
May or may not be half-Japanese (or third-generation Japanese-American).
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Chip
Hank Scorpio
Slam Jam Death.
Posts: 5,185
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Post by Chip on Feb 25, 2014 15:55:11 GMT -5
These two are pretty much the closest anyone has gotten to being what I'd create. You'd really just have to combine the two and it'd be perfect.
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Dang!
Dennis Stamp
Posts: 4,276
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Post by Dang! on Feb 25, 2014 15:59:57 GMT -5
Ideal Internet Guy : 5'10, 170 lbs. Knows every submission hold currently in use, and has invented 3 more. Can add one extra rotation to every flying move and is more flexible than Jack Evans. Makes internet and/or pop culture references constantly, but is a complete and total asshole who runs down anyone and EVERYONE with his mouth. Has a tiny clique he hangs with made up of a humorous guy who knows how to roll with the nasty treatment and an MMA buddy who's almost as big of a jerk as he is. Has Bill Clinton style "Bad Boyfriend" charisma, where even though you know he's kind of a sleazebag (especially when it comes to dealing with women), many will still think he's somehow charming. Alternates between a long-haired feminine (as in feminine enough to actually pass) look and a short-haired hipster look (sometimes with ironic facial hair, sometimes without). Explicitly mentions that he uses both looks in order to question the gender-binary in the name of social-consciousness. Also, has a carefully-cultivated "Rebel" persona, which includes (despite having been "created from scratch" to be a WWE guy) at least 5 years spent in Japan and the indies so that he can look like an outsider when he comes in. May or may not be half-Japanese (or third-generation Japanese-American). CM Punk weighs more than 170 lbs.
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Post by carp (SPC, Itoh Respect Army) on Feb 25, 2014 16:05:19 GMT -5
Oh, oh! I want to play too!
Male internet fan: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions.
14 year-old boy: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions.
Female fan: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions.
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Feb 25, 2014 16:07:52 GMT -5
Oh, oh! I want to play too! Male internet fan: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions. 14 year-old boy: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions. Female fan: It would vary wildly, because this group is full of a diverse group of people with lots of different opinions. To be fair, the question was only about what individual posters would like a Superstar to be, so how would you build one?
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Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
Celestial Princess in Exile.
Posts: 46,098
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Post by Allie Kitsune on Feb 25, 2014 16:10:30 GMT -5
Ideal Internet Guy : 5'10, 170 lbs. Knows every submission hold currently in use, and has invented 3 more. Can add one extra rotation to every flying move and is more flexible than Jack Evans. Makes internet and/or pop culture references constantly, but is a complete and total asshole who runs down anyone and EVERYONE with his mouth. Has a tiny clique he hangs with made up of a humorous guy who knows how to roll with the nasty treatment and an MMA buddy who's almost as big of a jerk as he is. Has Bill Clinton style "Bad Boyfriend" charisma, where even though you know he's kind of a sleazebag (especially when it comes to dealing with women), many will still think he's somehow charming. Alternates between a long-haired feminine (as in feminine enough to actually pass) look and a short-haired hipster look (sometimes with ironic facial hair, sometimes without). Explicitly mentions that he uses both looks in order to question the gender-binary in the name of social-consciousness. Also, has a carefully-cultivated "Rebel" persona, which includes (despite having been "created from scratch" to be a WWE guy) at least 5 years spent in Japan and the indies so that he can look like an outsider when he comes in. May or may not be half-Japanese (or third-generation Japanese-American). CM Punk weighs more than 170 lbs. He's also not feminine looking nor part-Japanese. Therefore, not him.
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Post by CATCH_US IS the Conversation on Feb 25, 2014 16:10:36 GMT -5
Ideally he would be between 5'8 and 6'3 and weigh somewhere between 200 and 240 lbs. Not too small and not too big either. Tattoos are okay, but should be kept to a respectable minimum; no "walking affliction shirt" types.
He should be decent looking and in good shape. The ideal superstar doesn't need to have John Morrison/Prince Devitt abs, but the prospect of him wearing nothing but a pair of spandex briefs should not instill nightmares or feelings of disgust...or three forum pages of reaction gifs of people making awkward faces. Someone like Daniel Bryan or The Miz or even a skinnier guy like Corey Graves; guys who aren't the buffest guys in the world, but are easy on the eyes should be the minimum standard. "Fat" guys should only be acceptable when they're GOT-DAYUM!!! levels of fat a la Rikishi, Yokozuna, Viscera, etc.
In ring wise, he needs to be able to put on solid matches and not be dangerous. If he does have in ring problems, you move him to a lower, but still respectable spot on the card until he fixes his issues. Being a super workrate machine is a bonus.
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Post by The Lex Espresso on Feb 25, 2014 16:17:27 GMT -5
I'll be honest, it's pretty much Prince Devitt.
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