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Post by Wolf Hurricane on Mar 11, 2014 21:13:50 GMT -5
Raising a child, much like making a child, is something that even with all the advice in the world, you won't know what you're doing until you actually do it. Echoing Heartbreaker's sentiments, if you're there and you're treating the kid (and the kid's mother) like a person, you're already doing it right. Mazel Tov!
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Mar 11, 2014 21:31:14 GMT -5
Start watching shows like Real Housewives...all 89 of them or however many. Do the exact opposite of everything they do.
You'll raise a fine kid.
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Juice
El Dandy
Wrong? Oh he can tell ya about being wrong.
I'm the one who raised you from perdition.
Posts: 8,172
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Post by Juice on Mar 11, 2014 21:46:36 GMT -5
Yesterday it was confirmed that im going to be a father. We've been married for over a year, together for nearly five. Im 33, she is 25. Neither of us has been a parent. I dated a girl with a toddler for roughly a year, but that's the extent of my experience with children. I have until November FAN, what do I need to learn and where do I look for info? First of all congrats, second of all get ready for some hormone induced crazyness. The sonogram and day of hearing the heartbeats are magnificent. My wife of 2 years is pregnant with my first. We are due in late august. Been wanting to start some style of first time father support group type thing. If you ever need to talk about stuff hit me up.
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Post by An Old Villain on Mar 12, 2014 16:47:14 GMT -5
Yesterday it was confirmed that im going to be a father. We've been married for over a year, together for nearly five. Im 33, she is 25. Neither of us has been a parent. I dated a girl with a toddler for roughly a year, but that's the extent of my experience with children. I have until November FAN, what do I need to learn and where do I look for info? First of all congrats, second of all get ready for some hormone induced crazyness. The sonogram and day of hearing the heartbeats are magnificent. My wife of 2 years is pregnant with my first. We are due in late august. Been wanting to start some style of first time father support group type thing. If you ever need to talk about stuff hit me up. Ill likely be taking you up on that offer sir. Its been a crazy week.
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Post by Throwback on Mar 12, 2014 19:16:14 GMT -5
my kids are 14 and 21. Being a parent is super easy and lots of fun.
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Johnny
Don Corleone
Achievement Unlocked: TLDR - Read the longest post in board history.
Posts: 1,671
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Post by Johnny on Mar 12, 2014 19:27:25 GMT -5
My daughter arrived 5 days ago and I know how you feel. Every day I'm reminded how little a clue I have of what I'm doing. Stupid shit as well, for example I didn't know babies don't eat baby food at the start, just milk. Luckily my wife has read every baby book there is and keeps an eye on me. I'd never even held a baby before, but caring for her is just common sense and instinct. You'll love it, congratulations.
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Post by YAKMAN is ICHIBAN on Mar 12, 2014 19:55:03 GMT -5
My wife is turning up the pressure to do this soon, what with her being 30 with rheumatoid arthritis (currently in remission). I'm 27, and frankly hate the idea of raising a child a little more every day.
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Blindkarevik
Grimlock
Rock... Paper... Straight-edge!
I Like To <blank>
Posts: 14,343
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Post by Blindkarevik on Mar 12, 2014 19:57:44 GMT -5
Step one, sell everything you consider a hobby, you no longer need it. Your child is your full-time job. .... just kidding. But these next nine months are your last hurrah. I don't know your lifestyle, but once that kid is born... you'll be on a sleeping schedule. At first, you'll barely get any rest due to nighttime changings, feedings, and whatever else happens. Even after your kid is beyond that, you'll find yourself going to be earlier than you're used to and waking up earlier to tend to them, or being just woken up by them. Also... this is important. You will make mistakes. You will feel like a failure. You will feel completely unprepared. There will be moments when you actually feel like you hate the kid, hate your wife, or just hate your life. But this is completely normal. EVERY parent feels this, EVERY parent feels like they're the one one who feels it, and EVERY parent feels like shit for it. It is natural and normal, because raising a kid is tough. It's one of, if not THE, toughest thing you'll ever do in your life. But the moments you are cursing existence are far far outweighed by the moments when you wake up, look at your life, and realize you wouldn't have it any other way. In this next year, year and a half... you'll have feelings where you think you're woefully unprepared and the LAST person who should have a kid. You might even feel sorry for that kid for drawing you as a parent. But, the transition from "Guy with a pregnant wife" to "Guy with a kid" to "Father" is so seemless, so painless, that when it happens... you'll wonder how you ever existed without it. You'll fall, you'll screw up... you'll yell when you don't mean to, you'll take out stress of work on your kid for no reason, it'll happen. But, you'll feel something so strong and deep for your kid that it'll all be worth it. There will be moments when you look at your kid and say, "Holy crap... that kid is mine! I'm so damn proud!" I say all this as a guy who REALLY never liked kids. I was terrified when I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. I spent about nine months in mourning for my life, I spent a few months after he was born doing the same... I have touched upon my past and really don't like to divulge much in a public forum... but I will say it took me the better part of two years for me to start to get my act together with my son. I was lucky, I was able to rebuild a solid relationship with my son when in reality, I had proven myself to be worse than nothing. Now, he's eight years old... since my wife works nights and I work mornings, most nights it's just the two of us. Yes, there are some nights where we butt heads, but I love every second of my time with him. He's my little buddy. He's obsessed with Godzilla and Ultraman... he loves going to retro video game stores with me... he has a developmental disability which puts his mental age significantly lower than his actual age... but he's the most well-mannered, laid-back kid I've ever known. He's hilarious, he respects our rules, and every time he calls me "Daddy".... I just can't get enough of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, this is a terrifying road you're on. I speak from experience, I speak as a guy who never envisioned kids as part of my life plan. I speak as a guy who STILL would rather not deal with kids other than my own. But, if I can do this, if I can love parenthood, if I can get past all the fear, sleepless nights, complete overhaul of lifestyle, and learn to love the way my life has gone. You can surely do it as well. That's all I'll say right now. But if you want to speak more in-depth, please PM me. I hold no judgement, so speak as freely as you like. I'll help with support as much as you need, but I think you've got this man.... I really do.
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Juice
El Dandy
Wrong? Oh he can tell ya about being wrong.
I'm the one who raised you from perdition.
Posts: 8,172
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Post by Juice on Mar 13, 2014 21:07:13 GMT -5
[quote author=" An Old Villain" source ="/post/10513441/thread" timestamp="1394660834"] First of all congrats, second of all get ready for some hormone induced crazyness. The sonogram and day of hearing the heartbeats are magnificent. My wife of 2 years is pregnant with my first. We are due in late august. Been wanting to start some style of first time father support group type thing. If you ever need to talk about stuff hit me up. Ill likely be taking you up on that offer sir. Its been a crazy week.[/quote] Anytime man, it's adventure for the fathers to be. We aren't the ones carrying but this pregnancy effects us too. In positive Nd negAtive ways. My wife fell on ice and holy shift did I not take that well but she and baby were fine.
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Post by tigermaskxxxvii on Mar 13, 2014 22:17:30 GMT -5
I'm not a parent but I would assume make sure it has clothes and food, and teach it not to be an asshole when it grows up. I'm confused, you tell him to teach the kid not to be an asshole. Yet you insist he spoils the kid by feeding and clothing it?
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ICBM
King Koopa
Didn't know we did status updates here now
Posts: 12,288
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Post by ICBM on Mar 14, 2014 10:24:56 GMT -5
Good luck brother. Greatest thing I have ever done. I love my kids(three of em now). Entertainment is a whole different deal. I no longer need tv. I got very used to not being able to watch it, so now it doesn't bother me. The kids entertain you far better and longer than the best tv show I have ever seen. Tips: Breast feed till they are fifteen to eighteen months When they start eating foods, stay away from baby food. Give em what you are eating. If you are eating nothing but crap and spicy food than I suggest considering a different diet Limit tv to two hrs total a day and not all at once. They will get over stimulated easily in the short go. In the longterm they will be lazy and lethargic. Consider cloth diapers. Expensive up front but worth it down the road Make up your own mind on vaccinations. Read what's out there from pro vaccine and anti vaccine. We are just slowing it down rather than running the risks by dumping it all in up front. (Thats all I'm saying on the subject. Any replies to this may go unanswered) Give your wife a break before you take one. You'll discover her resentment for things that are very minor to you, but you would be surprised what they will be resentful over.
Congrats. This is the best thing you will ever do and I simply cannot relay the feelings you are about to experience. You can read the definition of Joy. You may think you have felt it. Your children will show you again and again that you are wrong on that. They will give you a joy you cannot now imagine. You'll see
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,288
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Post by Push R Truth on Mar 14, 2014 10:36:05 GMT -5
Two words: Maury Povich. Just wanna be sure bro.
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Sephiroth
Wade Wilson
Surviving
Posts: 28,916
Member is Online
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Post by Sephiroth on Mar 14, 2014 11:44:37 GMT -5
Two words: Maury Povich. Just wanna be sure bro. Sorry dude, I would say bust a move but I don't know what the "You ARE the father" dance looks like.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Mar 14, 2014 20:56:54 GMT -5
1st congratulations, enjoy it Ok, here’s the worst of the bad stuff. You’re going to have to change your life schedule to revolve around the baby. When its time for taking the baby to the doctor, or feeding or sleeping, stuff like that, everything else on you want to do is going to take the back seat. You’re going to see a shape drop in both free time and spare cash. The first 6 month you won’t be getting a good night sleep. And you there will be more stress between you and the wife, it happens to everybody, best get ready for it now. That’s all the bad stuff, really once you get thought that, it gets a little better. Learn the value of patience, love and laughter. They won’t lighten the burden, but they make the burden easier to carry. Go though the house on a crawl looking for stuff that you don’t want to get into. Trust me, once they can crawl, they WILL get into it. Baby gates will save you a lot of head aches. Second hand clothes are awesome. Kids love to eat fruits, veggies not so much. At some point s/he will find a video that s/he really likes and will want to watch it constantly. Constantly. Get ready to step on kids toys on the floor everyday. But the toddler stage is rough, it’s called the terrible two’s for a good reason. Your child will draw a “master piece” on your walls no matter how hard you try to prevent it. And the child will ruin something of value to you. And it’s when the back talk really begins. Try not to take any of it personally. The best advice I can give is this; There is no dignity in fatherhood. I mean none, but you’re the boss make sure the child understands this, it will make your life easier. Hope this helps. Trust me it sucks, you’ll love it!
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Post by The Truth on Mar 14, 2014 20:59:37 GMT -5
Get a DNA test before signing any legal papers.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2014 7:45:52 GMT -5
1st congratulations, enjoy it Ok, here’s the worst of the bad stuff. You’re going to have to change your life schedule to revolve around the baby. When its time for taking the baby to the doctor, or feeding or sleeping, stuff like that, everything else on you want to do is going to take the back seat. You’re going to see a shape drop in both free time and spare cash. The first 6 month you won’t be getting a good night sleep. And you there will be more stress between you and the wife, it happens to everybody, best get ready for it now. That’s all the bad stuff, really once you get thought that, it gets a little better. Learn the value of patience, love and laughter. They won’t lighten the burden, but they make the burden easier to carry. Go though the house on a crawl looking for stuff that you don’t want to get into. Trust me, once they can crawl, they WILL get into it. Baby gates will save you a lot of head aches. Second hand clothes are awesome. Kids love to eat fruits, veggies not so much. At some point s/he will find a video that s/he really likes and will want to watch it constantly. Constantly.Get ready to step on kids toys on the floor everyday.But the toddler stage is rough, it’s called the terrible two’s for a good reason. Your child will draw a “master piece” on your walls no matter how hard you try to prevent it. And the child will ruin something of value to you. And it’s when the back talk really begins. Try not to take any of it personally. The best advice I can give is this; There is no dignity in fatherhood. I mean none, but you’re the boss make sure the child understands this, it will make your life easier. Hope this helps. Trust me it sucks, you’ll love it! That's some good stuff I had completely forgotten to mention. My daughter (who is now 15) had a fascination with tissues and any kind of tapes. Tissues, she loved to pull each and every one of them out. It's cheap entertainment and not so bad (buy them their own box), compared to when she would grab a video cassette, grab the tape inside and go "Whee!" (Interesting thing, she only went after MY tapes; not the stuff the wife and I would record off of the TV.) If you're a book reader, expect some sort of interesting artwork and letter practicing on some of your finest reads. As far as TV shows or movies, just bear with it. They will eventually get sick and tired of it themselves. As of right now, I have no need to ever see Disney's "Aladdin" or the live-action version of "George Of The Jungle", because I've seen it so many times, I could quote it word-for-word. You will look back on this as some of the fun times, even if it didn't seem so fun at the time. Edit: Oh, and if some genius gives your child a noisy gift like a drum set. Tell the child "Look what uncle so-and-so gave you to play with when you visit them!" (Unless you like a lot of noise, best to leave it at their place so they can enjoy it. )
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Post by An Old Villain on Mar 15, 2014 15:58:58 GMT -5
You guys are pretty awesome.
EDIT:
I fully understand that the above is in no way a fair reply to the fantastic advice and kind words, but its all I can say at the moment.
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Blindkarevik
Grimlock
Rock... Paper... Straight-edge!
I Like To <blank>
Posts: 14,343
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Post by Blindkarevik on Mar 15, 2014 16:07:38 GMT -5
One thing I ended up noticing is it seemed like every time he'd grow out of one habit or develop a new ability in life (yeah I speak in video game terms, sue me).... I'd end up missing the old one. Stuff like, I couldn't wait for him to speak and express himself... but I missed the random gibberish words he'd say.
Also.... and this is kindof a baby hack that I figured out. For the first few months before they learn to walk or crawl.... babies will, instinctively, push back if you push on the bottom of their feet. What does this mean? Well, I would push the bottom of my foot against his and suddenly... I had myself a foot massage going on.
I figured if he was gonna pee on me and laugh about it, I at least deserved a foot massage from the little ragamuffin.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2014 16:30:28 GMT -5
my kids are 14 and 21. Being a parent is super easy and lots of fun. You had a kid when you were 10 (according to your profile)?
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Post by Throwback on Mar 15, 2014 20:46:18 GMT -5
my kids are 14 and 21. Being a parent is super easy and lots of fun. You had a kid when you were 10 (according to your profile)? Step father. But I don't typically use that word. They're mine. No matter what DNA says
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