DragonMasterP
King Koopa
Wait, I turned 30? How'd that happen?
Posts: 11,986
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Post by DragonMasterP on Jul 29, 2014 23:56:21 GMT -5
Vince: "Alright, let's make this sporting Ryder. If you can tell me why I shouldn't fire you without using the letter E, you can keep your job!"
Ryder: "Uh... Okay.... I'm a good work.... Guy...."
Vince: "You're fired."
Ryder: "But I didn't say...!"
Vince: "You will."
*Opens trapdoor*
Ryder: "EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee......!"
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 30, 2014 0:27:03 GMT -5
Brie: Knock-knock.
Bray: What do you want?
Brie: Would you be interested in some bodyguard work?
Bray: This is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.
Harper: We're offering a hotel and airport package that's very affordable.
Brie: Well, I'm going to need full coverage. My bully is highly aggressive. Check out these Bitch Slaps. [shows off her cheeks, which has slap marks on them; the Wyatts are impressed]
Rowan: Full Force! Nice work! You sure this was done by hand?
Brie: Yeah, she's a real purist.
Bray: She? [the Wyatts back away] Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch.
Harper: And sometimes we fall in love. [The Wyatts sigh romantically]
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Jul 30, 2014 1:11:10 GMT -5
Vince: Why is that man wearing pink? Patterson, who is that? Patterson: Diego, one of your boobs from Los Matadores. Vince: Diego, eh? Judging from his attire, he must be some kind of free-thinking anarchist. Patterson: I'll alert security. Vince: Excellent! These color monitors are already paying for themselves.
Kane: Am I really that ugly? Sin Cara: Kane, it's all relative. Is Ryback really that dumb? Is Scott Hall that drunk? Is Big Show that lazy, bald, and fat? Kane: Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought! [He, Ryback, Scott Hall, and Big Show start sobbing] Sin Cara: [to camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.
*A slideshow of WWE superstars entering a burlesque house are shown. Their eyes are covered to protect their identity*
*Slide of CM Punk
AJ: "Punk!"
*Slide of Daniel Bryan
Brie: "Daniel!"
*Slide of Goldust
Cody: "Goldust!"
Dusty: "Dustin!"
Goldust: "Father..." *Slide of Nikki Bella
Brie: "Nikki?" *Slide of Triple H
Steph: "Hunter!"
*Slide of Scott Hall that nobody reacts too
Kevin Nash: "Oh...uh....Scott"
*Another slide of Daniel Bryan
Brie: "Daniel!"
Daniel: "Hey come on! You did me twice!"
*Slide of Pat Patterson
Vince: "Patterson?"
Pat: "My parents insisted I give it a try, sir."
*Slide of John Cena wearing the WWE Championship
Orton: "John Cena!"
Cena: "That could be any WWE Champion!"
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jul 30, 2014 3:10:01 GMT -5
*A slideshow of WWE superstars entering a burlesque house are shown. Their eyes are covered to protect their identity* *Slide of CM Punk AJ: "Punk!" *Slide of Daniel Bryan Brie: "Daniel!" *Slide of Goldust Cody: "Goldust!" Dusty: "Dustin!" Goldust: "Father..." *Slide of Nikki Bella Brie: "Nikki?" *Slide of Triple H Steph: "Hunter!" *Slide of Scott Hall that nobody reacts too Kevin Nash: "Oh...uh....Scott" *Another slide of Daniel Bryan Brie: "Daniel!" Daniel: "Hey come on! You did me twice!" *Slide of Pat Patterson Vince: "Patterson?" Pat: "My parents insisted I give it a try, sir." *Slide of John Cena wearing the WWE Championship Orton: "John Cena!" Cena: "That could be any WWE Champion!" This is f***ing perfection! Oh my God the Scott Hall bit.
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,018
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Post by FHgrad99 on Jul 30, 2014 10:12:13 GMT -5
Agent: [pitching a movie script] And it builds to a powerful emotional climax, where the father has to decide which of his children will live....and which one...will die. The Rock: Pass. What else have you got? Agent: Well, there's one about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason. The Rock: I'm listening. Agent: And this robot- He's got a challenging decision to make about whether his best friend lives....or dies. The Rock: Ehh. Agent: His best friend's a talking pie. The Rock: Sold! You've done it again!
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 30, 2014 11:56:23 GMT -5
(Cesaro is sharpening a knife in a dark corner of the school.)
Cesaro: This year, he gets it in the back...(hides the knife as Triple H approaches)
Triple H: Uh, Cesaro, did you get the letter about your pay cut?
Cesaro: Aye, there'll be many a cut this year.
Triple H: Indeed, there will. Budget wise, of course.
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Post by OVO 40 hunched over like he 80 on Jul 30, 2014 13:10:24 GMT -5
Making out Stephanie: Dang, Shane, why'd you have to park by my parents? Shane: Now, honey, they are my parents, too.
Mr.McMahon: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing Patterson? Something gay no doubt? Pat Patterson: What? What? Mr.McMahon: You know, light-hearted, fancy-free, mothers lock up your daughters! Patterson is on the town! (chuckles) Patterson: (laughs) Exactly, sir. (laughs nervously)
Mr. McMahon: [to Zack Ryder] Young man, I'm making you my executive vice president. John Laurinaitis: Sir, I believe that position was informally promised to me. Mr. McMahon: Oh, Johnny... I would have said anything to get your stem cells.
IWC Smark: I have no time to converse with you, I must be first to register my disgust on the internet regarding the new Raw. The storylines were dismal and the workrate was frustratingly fleeting. I barely got going. Triple H: Quick, to the Fatmobile! [laughs] IWC Smark: Yes, I suppose. But must we call it that?
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 30, 2014 13:42:29 GMT -5
Linda Mahon: Sunny has been involved with every wrestler from to Ahmed to Zeus
Shane McMahon: Yeah, she's had more stars on her than Stephanie's homework . (snaps fingers in Z-formation)
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 13:50:49 GMT -5
Earl Hebner: What if I sold WWE merchandise?
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 30, 2014 20:48:19 GMT -5
(At the NXT Arena where the whole roster awaits Triple H and a guest)
Cena: Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today to over see things, but I'm also here ... to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.
CJ Parker: Daaah, talk about who gets the next WWE Roster Spot!!
NXT Talent: (together) Yeah!
Triple H: You stupid nobodies! He's trying to save you money on long-distance!
Cena: Roster Spot, eh? Well, let me ask you this: how many of you have ever dreamed of being in the Royal Rumble (the crowd goes wild with "me's") Well, you're in luck. 'Cause we're gonna find out who gets a spot, and I'll need a volunteer to be in my grand style entrance.
Mojo Rawley: At Wrestlemania?
Sami Zayn: Cena, Cena, Cena, pick me, my whole life has been leading to this moment!
Corey Graves: Ah like hell it has, if anybody's gonna get a Rumble spot it's me!
Enzo Amore: All right step away you foolish amateurs, just keep back, keep out of it. The spot is mine, with the eliminating and the head kicking and the 'We Want Enzo' with the chanting and the SAWFT, SAWFT, SAAWWFFTT!
Bull Dempsey: That's not how you Sawft! (starts beating up the other NXT Talent)
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Post by OVO 40 hunched over like he 80 on Jul 30, 2014 22:18:36 GMT -5
Heath=White Titus=Black
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Post by The Tim Duncan Experience on Jul 31, 2014 0:15:48 GMT -5
Punk: Oh no Paul its Ryback, and he's in the Hell in a Cell!!!!
Paul: lets get out of here!!!
*runs into Mike Chioda locking the cell door*
Punk: heyy Mikes in the way of our escape
Paul: Well push him out of the way Punk
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Jul 31, 2014 1:56:14 GMT -5
Vince: "Zack!" Zack Ryder: "Hmmm?" Vince: "You're fired!" Zack: "I'm sorry, did you just call me a liar?" Vince: "No I said you were fired." Zack: "Oh. That's much worse."
Triple H: Attention wrestlers, we have completed our evaluation of the company. We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order:
[pause]
Triple H: Ryder, Zack.
[pause]
Vince: That is all.
*Swagger trapped in The Accolade*
Swagger: Okay, don't panic. Remember what Zeb said... Zeb: [thought bubble] If you get into any trouble, all you have to do is... [image changes to Brad Maddox, wiggling his butt] Brad Maddox: [thought bubble] Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all... nothing at all... nothing at all!... Swagger: AH! Stupid sexy Maddox. [Swagger's back bends] Swagger: Ow, my back! This is the worst pain ever!
*After the latest episode of Raw ends*
Dean Ambrose: That stunk. Vince: Well, what did everybody think? [everyone starts leaving in disgust] Pete Rose: Vince, I can honestly say that was the best episode of WWF Raw is War I've ever seen. John Cena: Yeah, you should be very proud, Vince. You, uh... got a beautiful home here. Vince: [to the rest of the McMahon family] So it was pretty okay, huh? Shane: Mom, can we go to bed without dinner Linda McMahon: Yes, we can. [Linda, Shane and Steph run upstairs]
*As TV Network Executives and WWE shareholders plan their annual inspection*
Vince: The watchdog of public entertainment...is there any lower form of life? Triple H: Don't worry sir, I rounded up our less gifted employees and led them into the basement. [Shot of the basement with Zack Ryder and two other guys] Heath Slater: Duh, Zack, why are we down here? Zack: Aw, geez. I told you, Heath: to guard the bee! Curtis Axel: [whining] But why? Zack: Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Triple H made me head bee-guy. [Zack kicks the jar accidentally, smashing it, and the bee escapes] Heath: Duh, he's gettin' away. Axel: Oh, we did bad!
*Upon Daniel Bryan's return to the WWE roster*
Dean Ambrose: Now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase. John Cena: You can't see me! Sheamus: "Fella!" Zack Ryder: "Woo woo woo! You know it!" Miz: "I'm Awesome!" Wade: "I've got some bad news!" Bray Wyatt: "Follow the Buzzards!" Khali: "Whduhayaiskeksish!" Vince: "You're fired!" [pause, everyone stares at Ambrose] Ambrose: If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. Cena: What kind of catchphrase is that?
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Heartbreaker
King Koopa
Is actually Bindi Irwin
RIP Punk's media scrum, Page 54, Muffins, Biting People Bad™ (2022 - 2022)
Posts: 11,846
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Post by Heartbreaker on Jul 31, 2014 2:34:15 GMT -5
*Shane McMahon is talking to his son* Shane McMahon: Now son, on your first day of school, I’d like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. *He has a flashback* Younger Vince McMahon: Shane, you’re as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it! Shane McMahon: Lousy traumatic childhood.
---
Scott Hall: To alcohol, the cause of and the solution to, all of life’s problems.
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Ric Flair: I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?
--- *At an arena, one of the road agents secretly sets off the Independent Thought Alarm when a Superstar speaks their mind, which leads all the way to Vince McMahon's office* Vince McMahon: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The Superstars are overstimulated. Hunter, remove all the colored mats from the training rooms. *Triple H slams his fist on Vince's desk* Triple H: I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya!? Those colored mats were forged by Lucifer himself!
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Sc
Don Corleone
Must think of something witty to put here...
Posts: 1,417
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Post by Sc on Jul 31, 2014 3:50:59 GMT -5
Zeb Colter: People, your video game royalties are so low because of illegal immigrants. That's right illegal immigrants. We need to get rid of them.
Heath Slater: When those immigrants get deported they'll be a lot more elbow room for regular joes like you and me, Jinder. Jinder Mahal: Heath, it may astonish you to know that I am an immigrant. Heath Slater: You?! Pfft, I don't believe it. Jinder Mahal: No in truth an illegal immigrant
Heath Slater: Darn it, Jinder, I'm not gonna let them kick you out.
Jinder Mahal: Oh, there is not nearly enough time to learn over 200 years of American history to pass the citizenship exam. Heath Slater: Oh, it can't be that many. Come on, Jinder. I'll be your tutor.
Heath Slater: Please identify this object. Jinder Mahal: It appears to be the United States championship that disappeared from WWE television last year. Heath Slater: Correct.
Jinder Mahal: Executive, legislative, and judicial. Heath Slater: No, no, and no. Ugh, maybe we should start all over with the electrical college. Jinder Mahal: please Heath, my brain needs sleep, the test is in 6 hours and many of these facts are new to me. Heath Slater: Sleep is for the weak Jinder! Now I'm going to go to bed while you look over my notes from 9th grade history
Jinder Mahal: Oh no I fell asleep! I have forgotten everything that Heath has taught me. Lillian Garcia (What? I needed someone to fill this role): Perfect, lets roll.
*Jinder passes his test and becomes a citizen* Heath Slater: Just thank heaven everything worked out for the people we care about.
*camera cuts to Drew McIntyre on a boat headed back to Scotland* Drew McIntyre: "Ach... ingrates."
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Post by Wolfman Rose on Jul 31, 2014 4:09:55 GMT -5
Scott Hall: To alcohol, the cause of and the solution to, all of life’s problems. Well, I feel terrible for laughing at that.
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Jul 31, 2014 11:40:53 GMT -5
Vince: "Well kids, this is where you would watch WWE Raw. Except our superstars are on MTV now. So, here's Nashville Tennessee's favourite wrestling show, TNA! Hahahaha!
*TNA Impact plays*
Vince (In stunned silence) ".....What the hell was that?"
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Jul 31, 2014 12:11:22 GMT -5
*Triple H in front of locker room with a shovel." "Getting yourself over, that's a burying. Getting better crow reaction than me, that's a burying, eyeing my wife's teets, that's a burying. Burying the younger talent...oh you better believe that's a burying."
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Jul 31, 2014 12:28:00 GMT -5
*Triple H in front of locker room with a shovel." "Getting yourself over, that's a burying. Getting better crow reaction than me, that's a burying, eyeing my wife's teets, that's a burying. Burying the younger talent...oh you better believe that's a burying." This is my favourite one yet
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Post by OVO 40 hunched over like he 80 on Jul 31, 2014 13:30:11 GMT -5
Scott Hall: Vince, I've come here to make amends for my disgraceful behaviour over the last twenty years. Vince: No, that's okay, Scott. Scott Hall: No it's not okay. I buried people, befouled your broom closet, and made sweet love to your pool table, which I then befouled. Vince: Well, that would explain the drop-off in play.
Meltzer: Get out, who told you that? Alvarez: Sandow! Meltzer: Hmm, that's the kind of dirt that belongs on my web page. Lipinski: You can't post that on the internet, you don't even know if it's true! Meltzer: Sandow has never steered me wrong, honey. Sandow is gold! Alvarez: You know, it might have been Slater.. Meltzer: Beautiful, we have confirmation.
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