What the hell kinda school does FAN go to anyway?
Per Round 19 of Last Season's FAN Idol, where the contestants visited our very own high school:
The ten remaining contestants were told to dress business casual and pack up for a brief flight on the FS Madison Carter II. They were told that they were headed to the Dean Douglas School for Gifted FANs for the next leg of the competition.
"I trust that you all will be on your best behavior," KingOrangeTyger told them, "as you still represent the Freakin' Awesome Network and its related business partners. Goodness knows that we enjoy a precarious enough relationship with our sponsors without any added shenanigans. Whatever would we do without the fine people of Parts Unknown, South Dakota and their constant stream of masked spokespeople? Start renting out the compound? Heaven knows that we're still rebuilding relationships after the Abraham Washington incident... sending him so many basketballs and saying that he shouldn't hold a grudge for being fired, heh, who knew that would bite us in the butt later on, but I digress."
So, the contestants got all nice and professional looking; Anonymous Gm made a tasteful black and white mask for the occasion, Stinger4Christ toned down his face paint lest he spook all the potential guest judges and assorted lunatics that seem to, somehow, get involved in this Season of Fan Idol. A couple of happy yellows here and there did the trick. Knalsic loves to Boogie put on a tasteful Angus Young inspired school boy's outfit, getting some snickers and giggles from the other contestants. He insisted on wearing a his Queen officially licensed beany and the Host didn't feel right to tell him otherwise.
Landing at the airport, the would-be FAN Idols were whisked away by school bus and reached their destination shortly.
Arriving at the school the Contestants were told to interact with students and teachers before the Round announcement. They were happy to discover that several of their fellow contestants were also present, teaching students a fine and well-balanced curriculum in order to grow up and become hard-working, successful FANs.
Spiderfab4 sat in on a guest lecture by Judge Strong Brad about the finer points of Tournament design and implementation, as exemplified in his Celebrity Wrestling tournament. "Notice how I've made it so Percy Watson's frantic dancing matches perfectly with "Hey Ya" playing in the background... and then, boom, it starts to rain golden sparkles as he says "Oh Yeah!" Judge Strong Brad told his students, one of whom said "Oooh!" and scribbled the observation furiously in his Fandango notebook. Spiderfab4 took his turn designing a character for the tournament, giving his bruising wrassler a Spider-Man head and six arms, furiously attacking Strong Brad's ninja character and tying him up with unbreakable webbing, much to the latter's chagrin.
Judge Orange held a seminar entitled Superstar Fashions: Then and Now, chronicling the evolving look of Pro Wrestling Superstars over the years. Hulk Hogan's iconic Red and Yellow t-shirts, Ric Flair's Bedazzling robes, and John Cena's single colored cap, t-shirt, and jorts ring gear were deconstructed and scrutinized alongside such groan-worthy attire as Dusty Rhodes' polka dot monstrosity and Shawn Michaels' balding 80's old man rockin' gear. Not Enough Orange! was the Judge's constant refrain, noting that Orange polka dots would have ensured Dusty's overness, that the Orange t-shirt era was the high point in John Cena's popularity. Stinger4Christ presented his "Many Faces of the Man They Call Sting" power point presentation about the Icon's make-up over the years, highlighting his TNA run with the dabs of green. wadefan22 shared the Wade Barrett dolls that she made, explaining to the school kids that the various rose motifs that she employed for each doll had a different meaning and helped to accentuate the various aspects of Mr. Barrett's tough demeanor. "A red rose means that he's fully in charge of the situation, while a pink one means that his thoughts are elsewhere, perhaps pining for a loved one that he lost during his bare knuckle brawler days..." wadefan22 would sigh and talk wistfully about the Bullhammer bully.
Ssnakebite, the No 1 Frenchman thrilled his students with tales of the Great Attitude Gang Wars and astonished them with the joyous occasion of Miss Elizabeth and Macho Man's wedding. "J'Adore such a lovely couple. Such heart! Such passion. Monsieur Roberts, of course, only blessed the happy couple with a present of such a lovely snake! A gesture misunderstood, as most snakes are, by those in attendance. Now Tekno Team 2000, verily a team from the Future! Such were the expectations, such was the optimism that the Future could bring change to the Present. Ah, my friends, it was not to be!" Street Spartan weighed in, noting that a Spartan from the past, not a team from the Future, was what that particular period required. "We Spartans, descending from Hercules himself, have the strength, the will of 300 men. A will, I might add to survive this Competition!" Street Spartan then spoke of D-X and the NWO and other groups that broke away from the norm and found themselves fighting under great odds.
In the Dean Douglas's School for Gifted Fan's Science Lab, the students thrilled to the cosmic exploits of Moonie, who was stationed at the FAN Lunar Observatory Station, hard at work fixing Gooker I, the main computer. Moonie made the students gasp with his tales of Moon Rocks and Biggah Pictures, of fixing the Nexus Capacitor and calibrating the Brother Love telescope. Z-A lead the students in sundry experiments employing a rare Moon Sand that Moonie sent him before the School visit, showing it's ability to retain unusual and complex shapes in the Earth's atmosphere, creating a picture perfect recreation of Katie Vick and Triple H's wacky misadventures. Judge brainbustaaah! demonstrated how one can measure brain waves, using them to create rather amusing little neon animations with his scaled down, ultra expensive Jerichotron 3000. In a moment's time, he wowed the kids with a compelling animation of Jushin Thunder Liger spitting mist at the Great Muta and then both puroresu icons playing "Walk this Way" on giant guitars. Knalisic Loves to Boogie stepped up and tried on the strange device, painting a picture of himself dancing alongside Alex Wright in a strut off that he soundly won, forcing Das Wunderkind to bow his head in shame and give Knalsic the Disco Cup.
fw91 taught contestants, judges, teachers, and students alike the wonderful sport of 3MB: 3 Man Mat Ball, where in 3 teams of 3 people kicked 3 mat balls together and then ran around 3 bases in order to score, all while avoiding the other team's attempts to whack them with the kicked mat balls. Utter chaos ensued when Cantus Fraggle and Roxie Daggers decided to double cross there partner, Dammit Cage(King)!! and run away with the balls and try to hide them from the other teams, leaving Cageking defenseless as Pegasus Warrior and SAVEUS.GRD used the silly string to entangle him and then use him to drag away the Silver Bastion Booger idol away from the checkpoint and hand it to Widow's Peak, who then had to climb the slanted oak tree in order to reach the WCW Treehouse where-in she had to answer Square's (via a satellite link to his asylum cell) trivia questions about late Russoian WCW booking. The answer, as most would expect, was ___ On a Pole. Correctly answered, Judge Peak then took the idol and scored the winning goal, running Judge J's Gauntlet of electronica beats and rave lights, smoke machines and dizzying mirror balls, to find the correct passage that lead back to the FAN Idol set.
After making the goal, Jazzman serenaded the winning team with a cool selection of Bebop inspired songs, played deftly on his Flash Funk autographed saxophone. Stinger4Christ and Anonymous GM would call into question KingOrangeTyger's referring of such a goal and indeed of this whole crazy Season and, soon enough, the contestants sent the Judges' these songs for Round 19: School of Rock:
(They then picked these songs for the Round)
U + Me = Us- 2ge+her (Mathematics, History)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrwl6a4-lSgCruel Summer- Ace of Base (Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cJtf2u2U6gParlez-vous Francais?- Art vs. Science (Foreign Language, Phys. Ed)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRZ-jLOrFfkThe Night They Drove Old Dixie Down- The Band (History)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceRg_rxXQ_EEternal Flame- The Bangles (Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPxVIx06_CQVincent (Starry, Starry Night)- Don McLean (Art)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrkHurricane Drunk- Florence and the Machine (Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoHV229_DQMVolare- The Gipsy Kings (Foreign Language)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNgSeJzLJFcBlack Balloon- Goo Goo Dolls (Art)
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=emguA0RIH4kScarlet Begonias- Grateful Dead (Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrIRE8Hzl7cCrowd Chant- Joe Satriani (Phys. Ed)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtu5OLCjsA0Centerfield- John Fogerty (Phys. Ed)
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=04KQydlJ-qcElvis is Dead- Living Colour (History)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvpRkn_R5gOne Night in Bangkok- Murray Head (Geography)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9mwELXPGbAI Can- Nas (History)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUqLGRMrFAgPretty Fly (For a White Guy)- The Offspring (Art)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzY2Qcu5i2A1901- Phoenix (History, Geography, Math)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL548cHH3OYNever Gonna Stop (The Red Red Kroovy)- Rob Zombie (Art, Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0698sTH7mUkLiving in America- The Sounds (Geography)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjY4Wj_-ZecHoney Bee- Tom Petty (Science)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XH29RLi6IQColors of the Wind- Vanessa Williams (Art)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbuzskVs6rcOne of the better Rounds.
