My girlfriend has once again told me....

[Hawk Hart]

Oct 24, 2014 16:41:02 GMT -5 DjZonk said:

Oct 24, 2014 16:24:24 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

What past issues?

In short her BFF tried to get her to snort cocaine (knowing full well how much that would bother me). In turn, I think this person is a c***. Girlfriend keeps badgering me to let it go and see her, which I have no wish to do. 

Tricks always be like:



When really it's like:

[Sephiroth]

Here I thought this was just a typical bf/gf spat and was going to suggest we all go clubbing. Now its an addiction, drug issue and suddenly I'm not so comfortable suggesting a night of carousing and boozing...

[ronin705]

If this person is going ot be a continuingtopic of conversation, then you either nut up and leave, or suck it up and let her go. I would personally go for the former. Plenty of fish and all that.

[Tony Schiavontay]

You should join a gym, hire a personal trainer and start dating them. I have no doubt in my mind that you two would really work out.

[BlackoutCreature]

I remember my ex used to tell me things like this, then like a week later would say stuff like she hoped she died before me because she didn't want to live without me. It was about this time that I should've realized she was a total flake and dumped her ass. I didn't. My life is now a miserable, lonely train wreck because of that. That's my advice.

[Mozenrath]

If she really wants to do cocaine enough to keep pushing for it, you should probably not date her anymore.

[Dr. T is an alien]

Oct 24, 2014 17:18:05 GMT -5 DjZonk said:

Oct 24, 2014 16:56:34 GMT -5 Zombie Mod is not a ghoul. said:

while you are angry, don't let that be a reason to break the rules here, filter dodging is against that so please don't do that again.

Sorry bud, just going out of my mind over this one.

Some wise and reassuring comments elsewhere. It just offends me so much when she comes out with her "it's not a big deal" attitude. It's been going on for so long, I just get worked up when she mentions it now. Pretty sure this is the end of the line. I'v ejust lost so much respect for her over this, and similar reasons. 

My advice is that you need to let her go. You can try to be nice about it, but firm. You've started to lose respect for her and it sounds like you don't foresee getting it back any time soon. If you stay together, you will start to lose your regard for her, at which point I expect that you might start resenting her over it all. If you want to let her down easy you might be tempted to say that you care enough about her that you do not want to do that to her, but you cannot candy coat it if you do. It is her that is the issue. Maybe having it spelled out for her might inspire her to make a change. Maybe not. Either way, you owe it to yourself to not string it along like that.

[The Unconquered Sun]

this doesn't sound like it will end well. get out now and save yourself a ton of misery.

[Display Name]

Oct 24, 2014 17:06:07 GMT -5 DZ: WF Legacy said:

My gf's friend is doing coke while pregnant. Luckily, I didn't have to tell her I wasn't comfortable with her seeing her anymore. She made that call herself. It's best to stay away from people who put themselves in environments where they are prone to make bad decisions. Some people make very selfish life choices, and those who never grow up and leave it behind are going to wind up asking the rest of us to pick up their pieces one day.

Holy shit,what a dumb bitch(the preggo).

[CATCH_US IS the Conversation]

Oct 24, 2014 16:57:31 GMT -5 Hawk Hart said:

Well somebody told me that you have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year.

Someone told me that he has a light skinned friend that looks like Michael Jackson and/or a dark skinned friend that looks like Michael Jackson.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

If she thinks that doing cocaine is no big deal then drop that girl like a bad habit. Just get the f*** outta there.

[DjZonk]

She text me about an hour ago to say she loves me but it's over and goodbye.

I'm destroyed.

I'll never understand how a two year relationship which goes so well in so many aspects fell because she couldn't wrap her head around why I didn't want to see her friends who tried to push heavy drugs on her. For the life of me, it is beyond me.

[Dean-o]

Yes it sucks, and it will take you some time to get over it, i know from experience. But think about it. You were together 2 years, time to really start thinking about long term plans. Do you really want the mother of your children to be a cocaine user?

[DjZonk]

Oct 25, 2014 9:48:49 GMT -5 Dean-o said:

Yes it sucks, and it will take you some time to get over it, i know from experience. But think about it. You were together 2 years, time to really start thinking about long term plans. Do you really want the mother of your children to be a cocaine user?

She wasn't a cocaine user bro. She has done it in her past along with a lot of other drugs and to this day she doesn't consider it a "big deal" and refuses to acknowledge it says anything about her character or regret it. Of course this is why she was not bothered that her best friend offered it to her: she's desensitised. The problem is: to the extent she can't see the woods from the trees and she legit cannot see why I'm so bothered.  

I've always got the impression she cares more about what her friends think. Once saying to me she doesn't want her friends to think "I'm uptight". That one bothered me a lot. Almost as much as the time her own Brother implied I was a boring person - to which she didn't even defend me, and this was on the eve of me taking her to a multi city holiday to Thailand for a Birthday present. She always just makes excuses for people and never once puts me #1. 

Without boring anybody, she's the way she is because she was around environments for a very long time she thinks certain things are normal. Trying to explain to her it's not the case is like trying to explain to somebody the world isn't flat. It got so annoying and I got very worked up. She has done weed and mushrooms with her own mother for God's sakes. What chance in hell did I ever have in breaking through to her... 

[Dat Dude]

Oct 24, 2014 15:50:43 GMT -5 @irontyger said:

BTW, when I see that gif, I'm thinking that John Goodman (that's him, right) is about to go Super Saiyan.

Super Saiyan John Goodman?

[DjZonk]

An update for anybody interested: I spoke to her tonight. I called her to see how she was and have a chat. We was on the phone for two hours. Still unsteady: we both stated we loved each other and acknowledged the differences.

Such a shame though that this topic has come between us, of all things. Weird as well. She is studying for her Masters degree right now, a smart cookie who can't see how her upbringing has effected her to present day. I tired to get across how I was only coming from a good place, I mean objectively speaking to most people, seriously: does anybody argue this: guy doesn't want to picture his partner who he plans on marrying one day having a complacent attitude to heavy drugs such as cocaine... I guess because I like to look at the girl laying next to me at be totally proud of her, openly and honestly, and I picture her snorting that shit up her nose, and just can't believe she has no problem with that image and doesn't regret it. Even to the extent when she knows how much it bothers me, she isn't willing to try to sort out her stance, which she didn't even have much of a clue about to begin with, i.e. wasn't aware cocaine was highly addictive in the mind / dangerous to the heart...

One thing that did surprise me: she recorded one of our last face to face conversations. She said she did it so I could hear how I sound: point proven, I'm aggressive as hell (see my very first post and that GIF, I wasn't lying). This is something obviously brought on by frustration in having to picture somebody you love in situations you can't honestly picture her in, and not want to either, coupled with her not caring about these situations - and letting these differences effect your present day relationship. I do think I sound pretty mean though, often not letting her get a word in because, "I'm right" which obviously I am in terms of acceptance to heavy drugs use (and when I say I am, I'm talking about if you want to keep your life, job, money, respect, etc.) but then, maybe I should hear her out more. She talks about doing it from a holistic standpoint which I have always considered wishy washy bull crap. "Yeah I got really drunk one night wearing next to nothing in a nightclub (she has been known in her younger days to dress a little on the 'nothing' side) seeking out a guy, and I holistically thought, doing cocaine wouldn't be such a big deal right now..." It's just a standpoint I can't give ANY respect or time to, and I don't even believe she believes it, which makes it worse. I think she just got smashed a few times in her partying days and did it (and accept what that says about her character - or maybe it doesn't say anything and I'm uptight - views please) but that's too much to admit (even though she kind of did once in the heat of an argument) so she clings on to this holistic POV, as if she is separated from the same type of people from her economic background doing the exact same types of things in her situations. 

I'm so sorry for clogging up my new favourite forum (I've been here for a few months and I love your crazy guys) with my personal shit, but I'm a bit drunk right now, but not too drunk to type, and to be honest, this board is really helping me which is a fantastic thing and I thank you so much for any constructive comments you've made. I'm not eshamed to say I'm constantly reloading this page in the desperate hope of a new comment from a familiar face 

[Dr. T is an alien]

I don't think she knows what holistic actually means if she is using it in that way.

Look, a lot of times there can be two sides to a fight. I think her attitude and your responses to it might feed into each other in a vicious circle. Don't get me wrong, I am not being critical of you and your responses. I'm dealing with something similar right now with my stepson and his issues. Like you, I know I am right as far as my viewpoint compared to his regarding drug use. I also know that having dealt with it so long my willingness to react calmly and understandingly is shot to shit. I know that sometimes my response to him is not the best way to talk to him. I know that my wife reacts even more poorly anymore. Reacting poorly puts the other person fully on the defensive and makes it impossible for them to actually consider what you are saying.

My main point is this: If you both deem the relationship worth salvaging, you will both need to compromise. She must take your feelings into consideration and you must find a different way to express your objections. That way, you both might be able to listen to each other and find the common ground that your relationship needs.

["Magic" Mark Hurr]

I left this thread before the coke revelation. I've people males and females who were complacent to some destructive things because of their early introduction to the crazier sides of life. For the guys (friends and former friends) it's easier to distance yourself. But when it comes to females, especially if you are involved with them, it came be extremely difficult to do the best thing which is to distance yourself from them emotionally. I've known more than one woman who've had coke issues. Shit ain't pretty.

Talk it out here and give yourself time and space to breathe. You wouldn't try if you didn't care about her or life in general.