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Post by wildojinx on Oct 31, 2014 20:48:57 GMT -5
This joke just came to me, thought it would be the opportunity to start a new thread:
Vince: If you sign up for the WWE Network, i'll send you this book (cover has a half naked Vince on it titled Sex) featuring me, in a variety of sexually explicit photos!
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Zach
Trap-Jaw
Posts: 368
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Post by Zach on Oct 31, 2014 21:05:45 GMT -5
Next week on WWE Network, The Stingy and Battery Show!
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,269
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Post by Push R Truth on Oct 31, 2014 21:10:54 GMT -5
I just know that Zack Ryder is Milhouse.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Oct 31, 2014 21:12:40 GMT -5
*Mae Young takes her top off at the 2000 Royal Rumble*
Pat Patterson: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
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Post by Wolfman Rose on Oct 31, 2014 21:17:13 GMT -5
[Vince chuckling] Hunter, there's no way WWE has a bad year unless, of course, my nine big stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to wrestle. But that will never happen. Three misfortunes, that's possible seven misfortunes, there's an outside chance but nine misfortunes-- I'd like to see that.
[later]
Vince: Where the devil are my main eventers?
HHH: Daniel Bryan may not regain strength in his arm. Randy Orton is looking at six life sentences. Brock Lesnar seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. [Lesnar screaming] Cool!
Vince: What about Sheamus?
Woman: The dryer goes on the right. Sheamus: Yes, fella.
Vince: What about Reigns?
HHH: Sir, he's in no condition to wrestle.
[Reigns Clucking]
Vince:That damn hypnotist! You! Look what you've done. My jungle man thinks he's a chicken. I'm going to report this to the American Hypnotical Association.
Hypnotist: But I did a good job a good job.
Vince: I guess it's not your fault. You did a good job. Punk! I told you to trim those sideburns. Go home! You're off the show! For good!
Punk: Fine.
Vince: Not so fast, Ambrose. The man who plays your position is here. [Cena walks by]
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Oct 31, 2014 21:19:54 GMT -5
Al Snow: Remember the time you cooked my dog, and you lied to me and said I never had any dog? Then why did I have the leash, Bossman? Why did I have the leash?
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,369
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Post by MiLB Fan on Oct 31, 2014 21:50:23 GMT -5
(Stu and Helen Hart are watching the opening match at WrestleMania X)
Stu: Oh my God, Helen, it's come down to this: your child against mine! The winner will be showered with praise and adulation; the loser will be jeered and booed until my throat is sore!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Oct 31, 2014 21:56:20 GMT -5
*Why Chris Hero really left NXT*
HHH: Okay, hotshots, now that my wife is training for a comeback, I want to make a few things clear. Stephanie: [embarrassed] Please, Hunter, I'll be fine. HHH: [continuing] I don't want anyone to give her a hard time just because she's different: no jokes, no taunting...
*HHH spots Hero*
HHH: Look, that kid's got bosoms! Who's got a wet towel?
*HHH grabs a towel and starts chasing Hero while laughing*
HHH: Come here, you butterball. Hero: Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Oct 31, 2014 22:47:49 GMT -5
I love these threads..
Ok this a few months late Brie Bella: (on phone to WWE) your Kane is trying kill my husband Operator: please hold...
Tech arrives to see Kane beating Daniel Bryan with the steel steps.
WWE tech: I see the problem somebody set this hoss to HEEL *flicks switch to FACE* Kane: I love you Bryan! Bryan: come 'ere you!
*Kane abd Daniel Bryan hug it out*
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Nov 1, 2014 10:48:41 GMT -5
*Vince McMahon watching Matt Hardy at the buffet table*
Vince: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there, Patterson? Patterson: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder. Vince: Damn their oily hides!
Triple H: If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home. Vince: You already put me in a home. Triple H: Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes! Vince: [meekly] I'll be good.
Big E: Only one question remains, gentlemen...what do we call ourselves? Kofi: How about, "Handsome Kofi Kingston Plus Three?" R-Truth: I like it! Xavier: Wait, I do not. Big E: Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it. Xavier Woods: How about, "The Super Athletic Friends?" (Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter tapers off) Big E: Perfect!
*Finn Balor arrives at NXT*
Finn: "Hiya, gang." Bill Demott: "Intruder alert. Intruder alert." Norman Smiley: "Stop the humanoid." [All three trainers laugh.] Finn: "Look, I'm supposed to get a wrestling tutor." Bill: "Well, you've come to the right place, then. If there's one thing we know, it is wrestling." Robbie Brookside: "And math." Norman Smiley "And the words of every Monty Python routine."
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Post by The Tee Why on Nov 1, 2014 12:04:40 GMT -5
Vince: The fans want Daniel Bryan, I thought they would like Cena... Am I out of touch?...No, it's the fans who are wrong.
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Post by The Foreigner™ in Playoff Mode on Nov 1, 2014 19:49:33 GMT -5
Vince: Greetings, friend! Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now, so use it and send 9.99 to WWE Network, 1241 East Main Street, Stamford. Don't delay; eternal happiness is just $9.99 away!
Donald Trump: $9.99 for eternal happiness. Mmmm ... I'd be happier with $9.99.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2014 20:20:48 GMT -5
Rowan did you polish your head in the shine-o ball-o?
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Post by RI Richmark on Nov 1, 2014 23:44:27 GMT -5
Vince: Hunter, if I ever seem that senile, get your sledgehammer and...what are you doing with that sledgehammer?!
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Post by thelonewolf527 on Nov 1, 2014 23:46:29 GMT -5
They're moving the WWE Network to Albuquerque
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Post by Main Eventer on Nov 2, 2014 11:57:13 GMT -5
Brodus Clay after WWE dropped his funkasaurus gimmick: "Now I'm lucky if I get a 30 second promo in which to get funky."
Vince: "Making the IWC depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel."
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Post by wildojinx on Nov 3, 2014 22:53:10 GMT -5
Daniel Bryan: I did have my doubts coming to WWE, especially after that Torch cover story, "America's Worst Wrestling Company" Steph: You can see my daughter in the crowd in that photo!
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Nov 4, 2014 7:43:05 GMT -5
Vince: The fans want Daniel Bryan, I thought they would like Cena... Am I out of touch?...No, it's the fans who are wrong. you sure this is actually a Simpsons quote?
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Rubix Cube Johnny
Team Rocket
hopelessly trying to open a can of soup with a golf club
Posts: 996
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Post by Rubix Cube Johnny on Nov 4, 2014 8:26:17 GMT -5
Kane: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally electrocuted his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son's testicles".
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Post by MrElijah on Nov 4, 2014 9:40:56 GMT -5
*Dixie drives up to WWE HQ*
Dixie: Look I'm not sure about Kurt Angle-
*HHH cocks shotgun*
HHH: Just keep driving..
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