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Post by The Tee Why on Nov 4, 2014 11:56:19 GMT -5
Vince: The fans want Daniel Bryan, I thought they would like Cena... Am I out of touch?...No, it's the fans who are wrong. you sure this is actually a Simpsons quote? This is a simpsons thread?
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Post by SCCB Was Told To Do Steroids on Nov 4, 2014 19:15:37 GMT -5
VINCE: Who is that firebrand, Paul?
HHH: That's CM Punk.
VINCE: Punk, eh? New man?
HHH: Actually, sir, he thwarted your first attempt to fire him, you had Jericho mock his lifestyle, he gave his infamous "pipe bomb" promo, his wife is the current Diva's Champ...
VINCE: Doesn't ring a bell.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Nov 4, 2014 22:55:04 GMT -5
"Scott Hall": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution. David Flair: Uh-huh. And is Honky-Tonk msn with you? "Scott Hall": He could be. It's a big hospital.
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Seth Rollins: Sir, where's my radiation suit? Triple H: [annoyed] Oh, how the hell should I know?
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CM Punk: [reading his numbers] 38? 49? Oh my God. I won. I WON!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [spins around in his chair] Ahem. Recapping our top story, the winner of the state lottery is... me, CM Punk. Can we get a shot of me? [an image Punk spinning around in his chair is posted] There ya go. In other news... [clearly disinterested] tragic mishap today in Cleveland.... many people killed..... ummmm........ goodbye! [runs off]
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Triple H: Vince, you killed the zombie Zack Ryder! Vince: He was a zombie?
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Stephanie McMahon: Now this place, Moe's, you left before the plain ride from hell, this is some kind of business? Michael Hayes's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar. [gasp] But what else is open at night? Hayes: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. Hayes' Brain: Heh, heh. I would've never thought of that.
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Punk: AJ, I wanna be a Walking Dead enthusiast. AJ: Punk, no. Punk: It's my lifelong dream! AJ: Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game. And you did it last year, remember? [AJ points to a framed sports page, with a picture of Punk running onto a baseball field in the middle of a game, with the headline, "Idiot Ruins Game/Cubs Forfeit Pennant"]. Punk: Oh yeah.
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Hulk Hogan: Well, my work here is done. Samoa Joe: Whaddaya mean, "Your work is done"? You didn't do anything! Hogan: Heh, heh. Didn't I? [beams away]
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Dean Ambrose: It'll be great to see the old gang: Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz. Renee Young: That wasn't you. That was Happy Days. Ambrose: No, they weren't all happy days, like the time Pinky Tuscadaro crashed her motorcycle, or the time I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.
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Stephanie McMahon: Ric, what have you done to yourself? Ric Flair: I wanted to get in shape so I've been drinking nothing but milkshakes. Steph: You mean those diet milkshakes? Ric: Uh-oh.
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Bayley: Mr. Zayn, why are you burning all your personal records? Sammi Zayn: As of this moment, Sammi Zayn no longer exists. Say hello to El Generico!
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Zack Ryder: I have nothing to offer you but my love. Vince: I specifically said, "No geeks!" Ryder: But my mom says I'm cool. Vince: Next. Brock Lesnar: [demanding] Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in! Vince: Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the call back list. Adam Rose: [singing] ♪ Clang, clang, clang went the trolley / Ring, ring, ring went the bell / Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings... / Oooh! ♪ [Lesnar punches him] Vince. Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
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suave
Dennis Stamp
"I only got on my knees for God and maybe to lick a girl's pussy" -Teddy Hart
Posts: 4,207
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Post by suave on Nov 5, 2014 0:58:41 GMT -5
Punk: "And do these cigarettes belong to you?"
Austin: "Yes. I am in flavor country."
Punk: "...both of them?"
Austin: "...it's a big country."
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Post by Gravedigger's Biscuits on Nov 5, 2014 8:21:24 GMT -5
Stephanie: A new and better life awaits you when you sign up for the WWE Network! Fan: [gets given a leaflet] Hmm. Makes Sense. Vince: We're having a free month of WWE Network this month all through November. Fan: How much is this free month? Vince: It's free. Fan: And when is this month? Vince: It's this month. Fan: Uh-huh. And how much does it cost? Vince: Um, it's free. Fan: I see. And when is it? Vince: It's all this month. Fan: And what are you charging for this free month?
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Nov 6, 2014 3:24:29 GMT -5
Vince McMahon is looking for his next champion
Daniel Bryan: I have nothing to offer you but love. McMahon: I specifically said; No Geeks! Bryan: But my mum says I'm cool! McMahon: Next! Brock Lesnar: Gimme a title shot, or I'll punch your withered old face off! McMahon: oh I like that intensity.. Put him on the callback list. (Zack Ryder comes on stage) Ryder: Woo woo.. *Lesnar comes back onstage and gives Ryder an F5* McMahon: Thank you! Give Brock an extra point.
Beth Phoenix: I purpose that you're next champion need not be a boy. In this Phallocentric society... McMahon: I don't know what Phallocentric means... But No Girls!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 6, 2014 6:54:44 GMT -5
Triple H: Oh my God! Someone has run over Stone Cold! Foley: Wait, it's not Stone Cold! It's a stuntman! ...Oh. Well, his goatee uh... looked like stuntman. Vince: Even I can't solve this mystery - but, can you? *points at camera* *camera zooms out to show Foley* Foley: I mean, sure I'll... give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,370
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Post by MiLB Fan on Nov 6, 2014 7:20:29 GMT -5
John Cena: Okay look, I made a terrible mistake: I agreed to join The Nexus if I lost to Wade Barrett. But what's done is done: I made my bed ... and now I gotta weasel out of it.
Stephanie McMahon: I know you think The Nexus is "square" and "uncool." But they also do a lot of neat things, like gang beatdowns and costing wrestlers title matches.
Triple H: Steph, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn! It's what separates us from the animals. *pause* Except the weasel.
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Nov 6, 2014 7:40:50 GMT -5
2012 AD
Vince McMahon: And now ladies and gentlemen the star you all came out to see like the salivating dogs that you are: Long Island's own ZACK RYDER!
*Zack bounds out on stage*
Zack Ryder: WOO WOO WOO, YOU KNOW IT!
*polite pop from the crowd*
Zack Ryder: WOO WOO WOO, YOU KNOW IT?
*Minor chuckles and embarrassed coughing*
Zack Ryder: Wuzzle Woozle?
Crowd: Wuzzle woozle? Is that what passes for a catchphrase these days? Etc.
*Zack dejectedly walks off the stage*
Backstage Zack and Vince walk and talk.
Zack: What happened out there?
Vince: Ah you're just finished that's all.
Zack: Finished?
Vince: Yeah it happens all the time, one day you're main eventing Raw and Smackdown! the next you're just some schmo working perlim matches on Superstars.
Drew McIntyre: I heard that!
*Zack goes out the back door*
Zack: Wow, Sports Entertainment can really be a cruel...
*The door slams behind Zack locking him out of the arena.*
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Nov 6, 2014 21:53:36 GMT -5
Noble: Sir, we've run into a serious problem with the mission. These Nielsen ratings are the lowest ever.
Triple H: Oh, my God! We've been beaten by ''A Phillip Brooks Christmas"! People, we're in danger of losing our funding. America isn't interested in sports entertainment anymore.
Mercury: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret-- that all the guys we sent to NXT came back tarnished by their new WWE names?
Kane: No, I don't think we'll be telling them that. [Chattering]
Stephanie: We need a fresh angle to get the public interested. The public see our superstars as clean-cut, un-athletic yes men. They hate people like that.
Triple H: Well, who do they like?
Kane: Here are the most popular personalities on-line or ''WWE Network.''
Jim Duggan: I did it! I supercharged my riding mower! [runs down Jimmy Hart] Oh, no! I've killed Jimmy! Looks like it's back to jail for me. HOOOO!
Natalyia: TJ, let's have sex!
Kidd: Uh, no, Nattie. [Audience Laughing, Applauding ] [ Flushes ] [ Audience Whooping ]
Triple H: Why, they're all a bunch of blue-collar slobs. People, that's who we need for our next superstar. I suggest a lengthy, inefficient search, at the taxpayers' expense, of course.
Kane: Yeah, and I wish there was an easier way. [Phone Ringing]
Stone Cold ET: Hello, is this WWE?
Stephanie: Yes.
Stone Cold ET: Good. Listen. I'm sick of your boring storylines and matches. I'm just an ordinary, blue-collar slob, but I know what I likes on TV.
Triple H: How did you get this number?
Stone Cold ET: Shut up! And another thing, how come I can't get no White Castle around here? Also-- - Hold on a second. [Toilet Flushes]
Triple H: People, our long search is over.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Nov 7, 2014 12:32:20 GMT -5
Pat Patterson: $15 short, exactly what Jim Ross' Barbecue Ribs usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Heyman? Jamie Noble: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper.
*later*
Vince McMahon: WWE Universe, I give you this statue of our former booker, Vince Russo! Damien Sandow: Oh, come on! Seth Rollins: [points angrily] He's history's greatest monster!
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Nov 7, 2014 13:03:24 GMT -5
Vince McMahon: Now, I must tell you WWE Universe, uh, CM Punk has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything, or doing anything.
Sign Guy: Punk looks fat.
Hat Guy: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Todd: He's still funny, but not "ha-ha" funny.
Brooks: That's not CM Punk!
WWE Fans: <gasp>
Vince: What do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? <chuckles nervously>
Scott Hall: Yeah, Brooks. I am so CP Munk! <belches>
Brooks: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Punk before. I got a rapid heartbeat from those Punk Brand vitamins, my Punk calculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Punk's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions, but this time he's gone too far! We want Punk!
WWE Fans: We want Punk! We want Punk!
Scott Hall: Yeah, we want Munk! We want Munk!
Vince: I thought you said you broke their spirits.
Triple H: We did.
Vince: You broke nothing!
Brooks: Let's get 'em!
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Nov 9, 2014 1:25:00 GMT -5
Triple H: Tell you what, Mr. Danielson. From now on, you'll be, uh, Daniel Bryan at WWE. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say,"Hello, Daniel Bryan," you'll say, "Hi." Bryan: Check. Triple H: Hello, Daniel Bryan. Bryan: (stares blankly) Triple H: Remember now, your name is Daniel Bryan. Bryan: I gotcha. Triple H: Hello, Daniel Bryan. Bryan: (stares blankly) (A long time later) Triple H: (sighs in frustration) Now, when I say, "Hello, Daniel Bryan," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. Bryan: No problem. Triple H: Hello, Daniel Bryan! (stomps on Bryans' foot a few times) Bryan: (stares blankly; to Vince) I think he's talking to you.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Nov 9, 2014 14:10:33 GMT -5
*The 3MB are performing at the West Texas Retirement Castle* Heath Slater's dad: That's my son up there! Old Jewish Man: What, the really punchable ginger? Slater's dad: Er... no, the Hindu guy.
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Big Show: [narrating] And then came the greatest moment of my life. Ricky Steamboat: Hello, Big Show. I'm Ricky Steamboat. Big Show: Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie?!? Steamboat: Over there, there's a big pile of them.
Steamboat: [sincerely] Well, what a nice fella.
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Korporate Kane: Now remember, the instant you finish that donut I own your soul. Dean Ambrose: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, right? Korporate Kane: Well, technically no... Ambrose: [singsong] I'm smarter than Ka-ane! I'm smarter than Ka-ane! Korporate Kane: [morphs from Korporate into THEDEMONKANE] YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, DEAN AMBROSE! [he then shrinks and disappears]
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Ambrose: Never, Renee. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "Road Agents" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Dean Ambrose?"
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Triple H: Now that we’re all alone, Steph, admit it, you like Seth best. Steph: No. Triple H: Oh, so you’re a Randy-woman are you?! Steph: No. Triple H: Well you can’t possible like Aurora-Rose best. What has she ever done? Nothin’ for nobody! [Aurora-Rose jumps up to intercept a beer bottle flying at Triple H's head.]
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 9, 2014 17:36:25 GMT -5
Pat Patterson: $15 short, exactly what Jim Ross' Barbecue Ribs usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Heyman? Jamie Noble: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper. *later* Vince McMahon: WWE Universe, I give you this statue of our former booker, Vince Russo! Damien Sandow: Oh, come on! Seth Rollins: [points angrily] He's history's greatest monster! This may be the best one I've ever f***ing seen on this forum.
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Nov 9, 2014 18:32:31 GMT -5
I know I post this every time but:
Vince: Hope you enjoyed that, kids, 'cause We're out of here for the summer. In the meantime, we'll be running [groans] "Classic WWE.". [laughs uncomfortably] Enjoy... The WWWF Show, May 17th 1963 Vince Sr: Good evening. Tonight my guest is WWWF Champion Bruno Sammartino, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements. Bruno: It's a pleasure to be here, Vince. Vince Sr: Let me be blunt: is there a labor crisis in America today? Bruno: Well that depends what you mean by "crisis"...
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Nov 10, 2014 1:40:19 GMT -5
Vince: ok the commentating has gotten pretty bad lately, so I got this Caller 3000 a machine that knows every move and has hours of inane comments. *Vince turns on machine* Caller 3000: "what a slobbernocker", "this is the greatest night in the history of our sport" , "OH MY GOD!" Cole: Hey that thing in great.. JBL: Don't praise the machine. Vince: Look, improve your commentary or the Caller 3000 gets your job. *Vince leaves, JBL punches the machine in frustration* Caller 3000: Looks like those heels in Authority have done it again... What a bunch of heels. Cole: heh heh, how does it keep up with the news like that?
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Post by Wolfman Rose on Nov 10, 2014 6:39:32 GMT -5
HHH: Joey, did you polish your head in the Shine-O Ball-O
Mercury: Mmmmmmm.... nope.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 10, 2014 10:59:19 GMT -5
I know I post this every time but: Vince: Hope you enjoyed that, kids, 'cause We're out of here for the summer. In the meantime, we'll be running [groans] "Classic WWE.". [laughs uncomfortably] Enjoy... The WWWF Show, May 17th 1963Vince Sr: Good evening. Tonight my guest is WWWF Champion Bruno Sammartino, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements. Bruno: It's a pleasure to be here, Vince. Vince Sr: Let me be blunt: is there a labor crisis in America today? Bruno: Well that depends what you mean by "crisis"... Actually, correction, it's this one. This cracks me up every time, and I'm glad you post it every time.
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Post by MrElijah on Nov 10, 2014 12:54:54 GMT -5
*In a large arena a lucha match is going on*
Cole*bored as hell*:La Sombra with a armbar, and he holds it......holds it....*yawns*
Spanish announcer: La Sombra with the Armbar, and holds it...HOLDS IT!!!!
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