wildojinx
Wade Wilson
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Post by wildojinx on Nov 10, 2014 18:22:51 GMT -5
I know I post this every time but: Vince: Hope you enjoyed that, kids, 'cause We're out of here for the summer. In the meantime, we'll be running [groans] "Classic WWE.". [laughs uncomfortably] Enjoy... The WWWF Show, May 17th 1963Vince Sr: Good evening. Tonight my guest is WWWF Champion Bruno Sammartino, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements. Bruno: It's a pleasure to be here, Vince. Vince Sr: Let me be blunt: is there a labor crisis in America today? Bruno: Well that depends what you mean by "crisis"... Later Vince: And now, here's what you've been waiting for, another step test from Rob Backlund! (Backlund takes a step). Thats BOB Backlund Vince: Bob Backlund. Groovy individual
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 11, 2014 5:58:16 GMT -5
I know I post this every time but: Vince: Hope you enjoyed that, kids, 'cause We're out of here for the summer. In the meantime, we'll be running [groans] "Classic WWE.". [laughs uncomfortably] Enjoy... The WWWF Show, May 17th 1963Vince Sr: Good evening. Tonight my guest is WWWF Champion Bruno Sammartino, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements. Bruno: It's a pleasure to be here, Vince. Vince Sr: Let me be blunt: is there a labor crisis in America today? Bruno: Well that depends what you mean by "crisis"... Later Vince: And now, here's what you've been waiting for, another step test from Rob Backlund! (Backlund takes a step). Thats BOB Backlund Vince: Bob Backlund. Groovy individual Vince: And one of my greatest sidekicks, Andre the Giant. *clip* Vince: Uh... I was going to book you to job to Big John Studd. Andre: I wouldn't. Vince: Right on...
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Rubix Cube Johnny
Team Rocket
hopelessly trying to open a can of soup with a golf club
Posts: 996
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Post by Rubix Cube Johnny on Nov 11, 2014 6:51:48 GMT -5
HHH: I'm afraid Ryback hasn't arrived yet, sir. Vince: Very well, begin the thawing of Heidenreich.
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Rubix Cube Johnny
Team Rocket
hopelessly trying to open a can of soup with a golf club
Posts: 996
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Post by Rubix Cube Johnny on Nov 11, 2014 6:55:29 GMT -5
Michael Cole: Hordes of panicky people seem to not be renewing their WWE Network subscriptions for some unknown reason. King, without knowing precisely what the cause is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside? Jerry Lawler: Mmm, yes I would, Michael.
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Post by BRAINFADE on Nov 11, 2014 12:06:42 GMT -5
I do love how the majority of posts in these WWE/Simpsons threads are made up of Vince as Mr. Burns.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Nov 11, 2014 15:33:45 GMT -5
*Cena watches TV. A commercial comes on. A man barbeques a wrestling belt, and throws it towards the camera.*
MAN: Open wide for some wrestling!! *several wrestling clips follow, with a voice over.*
ANNOUNCER: CMLL & AAA are coming to the US. It's all here - fast-kicking, flips and surprise. You bet!
Daniel: Hey Cena, how come you've never taken us to see a Lucha style wrestling show before?
Cena: I....don't know.
ANNOUNCER: You'll see all your favorite stars. Like Villiano! Villiano two! Volador Jr! Averno! And The rest of them!
Cena: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
ANNOUNCER: And they'll all be signing autographs.
Cena: Woohoo!
ANNOUNCER: This match will determine once and for all which team is the greatest on earth - Team CMLL or Team AAA!
Bellas: Can we go Cena, please Cena, Please Cena, can we go Cena huh, huh, please?
Daniel Bryan: Yes, yes! Oh god, yes!!
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 11, 2014 17:01:32 GMT -5
Michael Cole: Triple H, how do you respond to claims that since founding The Authority, champion appearance and title changes are down 9%, but screwy finishes are up a whopping 78%?
Triple H: Oh, Cole. I'd be lying if I said my men weren't screwing up finishes.
*blinks*
Cole: ...Well, touche.
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Nov 12, 2014 4:22:15 GMT -5
*a wrestler has just failed a wellness test* Vince McMahon: That's it.. You're banned from WWE and your children and your children's children... For three months.
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Post by Wolfman Rose on Nov 12, 2014 5:45:39 GMT -5
Vince: All right, let's make this sporting, Zack. If you can tell me why I shouldn't fire you without using the letter "e", you can keep your job. Ryder: Uh, okay. I'm a good... work... guy... Vince: You're fired. Ryder: But I didn't say it. Vince: You will. Ryder: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2014 6:04:07 GMT -5
JBL: Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. I don't commentate until I get my Danish!
Brie: Oh, Bryan, you’re not going as a hobo again? Bryan: Going where?
Triple H: Wrestlemania, Night of the Immortals. The proud men and women of the WWE are entertaining the WWE Universe, but you're in Winter Park, Florida, jobbing to Enzo Amore, because your in the NXT Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk off your ass. The NXT Reserve: WWE's 17th line of entertainment, between WWE Films, and old World Bodybuilding Federation tapes.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Nov 12, 2014 9:37:45 GMT -5
Cole: This just in - Batista sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, that he says gives him sexual powers!
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Rumble McSkirmish
King Koopa
Typical day on the FAN forums.
Posts: 10,595
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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Nov 12, 2014 9:43:53 GMT -5
Cole: This just in - Batista sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, that he says gives him sexual powers! Batista: HEY, that's only half true.
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Nov 12, 2014 19:23:09 GMT -5
Cop: Did you hold a grudge against Vince McMahon? Zack Ryder: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't blow up his limo. (ding) Cop: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go. Ryder: Good, 'cause I got a Main Event title match tonight on Raw. (buzz) "A midcard match." (buzz) "lowercard tag match." (buzz) "Superstars match." (buzz) "Dark match." (buzz) "All right! I'm going to sit backstage and ogle the Divas in WWE magazine." (buzz) *sadly* "WWE kids magazine." (ding) "Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!" (buzz)
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Post by Perpetual Nirvana on Nov 13, 2014 18:00:24 GMT -5
The real reason del Rio left:
Alberto del Rio is reading the script for Raw.
Alberto [reading script]: They're jobbing me out! Ricardo: What? Let me se that. [takes the script and reads it] "Ryder hits the Rough Ryder. Del Rio gets no offense. Ryder: 'Woo woo woo, you know it!'" Yep, that does sound kind of bad. Alberto: Well, if they're going to stomp on my dreams, the least I can do is go out in a blaze of sour grapes.
Next night on Raw, del Rio is backstage when an angel (played by Ricardo) appears before him.
Ricardo: Alberto del Rio! Alberto: Why, who are you? Ricardo: I am an angel from the future! [cut to the control room] Stepahnie: Angel? Micheal Hayes: What the [bleep]? Should I cut him off? Stephanie: No, let's see where this is going. [cut back to the set] Alberto: And what do you have to tell us, O angel of the future Ricardo: Nikki Bella will doublecross her sister Brie. With sexy results. Alberto: Ooh, that's unexpected. What else? Ricardo: Well, Seth Rollins will turn on The Shield and join The Authority. With sexy results. [cut to Alverez and Meltzer] Alverez: What are they doing? Meltzer: Who care, he's dishing the dirt! [writes "Sexy Results" on his notepad] [back to the show] Ricardo: And only then do we find out that Bray Wyatt's half brother is plotting to take over the WWE Network! [cut to the control room] Stephanie: Aagh! He just gave away a year's worth of storylines. Cut him off...n-n-now.[Hayes does so] Stephanie: What the hell are you two doing? Alberto: Sticking it to you for jobbing out my character. [he and Ricardo high-five each other] Producer: You idiot. You were only going to job in a dream. Alberto: Whaa? Stephanie: [holds up the script to a pink page] Pink pages always mean a dream. Alberto: I thought dreams were on goldenrod. Stephanie: No, goldenrod is for coma fantasies. Alberto: I see. So what time tomorrow? Stephanie: Ahhahaha. Escort these men out...n-n-now
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wildojinx
Wade Wilson
Posts: 26,815
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Post by wildojinx on Nov 15, 2014 1:22:52 GMT -5
Cena: You know, people think there's only 5 members in Team Cena, but theyre wrong (awkward silence) Cena: Can we turn up the house lights? Thats the cue to turn up the house lights so they know theyre the sixth member of the team! Sheamus: We are trying to put some joy in their pathetic lives fella!
----------------------------------------------------
Zeb Coulter: All im saying is that one day, they'll be a place for the Spanish, and a place for the Japanese, and we'll all be happy Brie Bella: Mr Coulter, you're scaring me
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Heath Slater: Cena paid us $1000 to kiss each other Titus O Neal: Hey, did we ever see any of that money?
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Nov 15, 2014 2:01:15 GMT -5
A WWE telephon is going on.
*Vince's phones rings* Vince: Hello! You want to donate $10,000! You just saved WWE! Stone Cold Steve Austin: Wouldn't be the first time!
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Nov 15, 2014 12:21:45 GMT -5
Colt: May I be excused, AJ?
Punk: Oh, so now you're quitting dinner too.
AJ: Phil, please.
Punk: I didn't become friends with him so he can be a quitter, AJ. It must have been you.You've quit every job you've ever had; cop, pretzel vender, church counselor, professional gambler.
AJ: He's doing what he thinks is best.
Punk: Well, if quitting is the best, maybe I should just quit my job.
Vince: Ahoy-hoy?
Punk: Mr. McMahon, this is CM Punk, the friend of the big quitter. Well, I just wanted to tell you I'm a big quitter too. And I quit. *winks at the phone*
AJ: Punk, Mr. McMahon can't see you winklng.
Punk: So I...*screams and frantically hangs up*
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chrom
Backup Wench
Master of the rare undecuple post
Posts: 84,572
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Post by chrom on Nov 20, 2014 19:30:12 GMT -5
Jeremy Borash: Let me get this straight, you took all the money TNA had and you bet it against John Cena?!
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Nov 21, 2014 0:26:12 GMT -5
Jeremy Borash: Let me get this straight, you took all the money TNA had and you bet it against John Cena?! Dixie: I thought Ambrose was due! HE'S PUMPING HIS SNEAKERS!
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Nov 21, 2014 1:47:44 GMT -5
WWF circa 1992:
Vince McMahon: what? How dare you interrupt my nap time! Male Agent: (over intercom) Mr McMahon we're are from the Anti Steroid Commision. This is a surprise inspection to see if your wrestlers are clean. Vince: There must be some mistake... We make Ice Cream bars here... Vince McMahon's good old fashioned creamy... Agent: *to other agent* Get the axe!
Later outside near a drug testing tent
Vince: Federal drug testers.. Is there any lower form of life? Pat Patterson: Don't worry sir, I rounded up the more juiced up wrestlers and hid them in the basement.
Meanwhile in basement
The Warlord: Warrior, why are we down here? Ultimate Warrior: I told you Warlord, we have to guard the bee! British Bulldog: But why? Warrior: You guys are pathetic... No wonder Patterson made me head bee guy. *Warrior flexes his muscles, which causes the jar with bee in it to fall and break* Warlord: er, he's getting away! Bulldog: We did bad! Warrior: *chasing bee* come back bee!
Meanwhile at the drug tent
Agent: ok we just have to test one of your main eventers one Ultimate Warrior Patterson: Shame he couldn't BEE here *laughs* Vince: huh yeah unfortunately Mr Helwig is doing some dates in Japan *Warrior bursts out of manhole* Warrior: owe! The bee bit my bottom and now my bottoms big!
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