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Post by englishlion on May 29, 2015 4:21:05 GMT -5
Vince: Don't worry kids, i'm sure Daniel Bryan will be all right!
WWE Fans: What are you basing that on Vince?
Vince: Who wants Ginger Snaps??
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,198
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Post by Spider2024 on May 30, 2015 18:21:51 GMT -5
Bruno Sammartino: "Have I ever told you kids about the 60's?"
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on May 30, 2015 19:30:32 GMT -5
Kevin Owens' kid: Dad, I'm really proud of you. for what you're about to do I recommend reading my copy of "My Core Beliefs" by Jim Cornette *Owens reads books* Kevin Owens: man, he really hates Kevin Dunn.
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nate5054
Hank Scorpio
Lucky to be alive in the Chris Jericho Era
Posts: 7,011
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Post by nate5054 on May 30, 2015 23:11:51 GMT -5
Vince: Steph, I'm bored Steph: Why don't you listen to a Bray Wyatt promo? Vince: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
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Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on May 31, 2015 11:24:59 GMT -5
Triple H: Rollins, guess what happened to me last night?
Rollins: I don't know, sir. You had sex with your old woman?
Triple H: No. I gained a fan. Do you know how many fans I've had over the years? Many, but since I've become a an authority figure and the man behind NXT? I GAINED A FAN.
Rollins: Whoop-dee-do, sir.
Triple H: Yes, whoop-dee-do. Whoop-dee-do to the world! Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Florist. Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Physical Trainer. Whoop-dee-do, Mr.President.
Obama: I'm happy you've finally found a fan.
Triple H: Whoop-dee-do, Tarantula Town. *gets on the loud speaker* Whoop-dee-do, employees. Everyone who's gained a fan or has fans may leave early today.
Wrestlers: *cheering and leaving the arena*
Big Show: *left by himself sobbing*
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on May 31, 2015 22:08:17 GMT -5
* Paul Heyman sits by himself in The ECW Arena when Two Men from TNN show up.
First Man: Mr. Heyman we're from The Network, I'm afraid you've been cancelled.
Heyman: I was afraid this day would come, I just hope whatever replaces ECW will be as entertaining and educational.
Second Man: Actually its an infomercial for Hemorrhoid commercials
Heyman: Can I be The Before guy? "Ohhh! Ohh! Is there no relief?"
First Man: Sorry, don't think so.
Heyman: Well, what about one of the After guys? "Ah, I can ride a bike again!"
Second Man: Sorry
* Two men walk off leaving a downtrodden Heyman seated alone.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jun 1, 2015 17:30:17 GMT -5
-At NXT-
Triple H: *showing what Womens wrestling matches should look like and how they should be*
Kevin Owens: Thiis is awesome. Finally, womens matches that doesn't suck.
Vince McMahon: Dear Lord! What are you doing?
Triple H: You don't like it?
Vince McMahon: No, no! It's all wrong. A shapely female form that can also wrestle has no place in the ring.
Triple H: But what I thought is...
Vince McMahon: I sketched out exactly what I wanted.
Triple H: But what I was goin' for...
Vince McMahon: Did you even look at the napkin? *shows a poor design of a women with fake boobs, no personality, no athletic characteristics, and the look of a barbie doll in ring gear holding the divas titlte* I was in the zone that day.
Triple H: Yeah. You see, I didn't want to go so fake and slutty.
Vince McMahon: Because?
Triple H: Because it's not my style or vision.
Vince McMahon: Well, if you want to keep this job, you'll make it your style and vision.
Triple H: All right. You're the boss man, ain't ya?
Vince McMahon: Darn right I'm the boss. Don't forget I can send you back where you came from, Terra Ryzing.
-At the next NXT Takeover event-
Vince McMahon: You know, when Kevin Dunn suggested a NXT Divas division I almost thought he said a NEXT Divas Division. You know as in coming next after the old division dies off. *clears his thought* And, uh....and now I present The New Generation of the Divas Division. Run by my son in law Triple H.
*they show a match that sucks the life out of everyone*
Enzo: Man, is that wimpy.
Kevin Owens: What happened to the cool match?
Triple H: Well, my original idea was- -
Finn Balor: Jeepers, that's sugary even for my taste.
Triple H: Yeah, but Vince said I had-
Kevin Dunn: Vince! How are we going to raise the hopes of the divas division with this sappy hokum?
Vince McMahon: I know, it's an embarrassment. This isn't what I wanted. Where's the edge?
Triple H: *angry toned* I followed your napkin.
Vince McMahon: No napkin could wipe the crumbs of failure from your mouth!
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on Jun 6, 2015 4:50:07 GMT -5
Austin before his match against HBK at WMXIV
Austin: Alright Brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but help me win The WWF Championship and I'll go back to killing you with beer.
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on Jun 6, 2015 16:15:50 GMT -5
Upon hearing of The National Spelling Bee, WWE decides to host one to see who gets a future World Title Shot.
HHH: Alright Ryder, your word is choke.
Ryder: Oh I know this one it's so easy, F...oh man!
(Audience Laughs)
HHH: Stop laughing! You're scarring him for life!
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Post by RI Richmark on Jun 24, 2015 17:39:04 GMT -5
The Reigns Family is enjoying a night out when they run into...
Roman's Daughter: Aah! Bray Wyatt! Roman's Wife : _You_ sent those creepy videos. Roman: You sick freak! Stay away from my daughter!
Bray: Oh, I'll stay away from your daughter, all right. [evilly] Stay away...forever!
[silence] Bray: Wait a minute, that's no good. [Starts to walk away, then runs back] Wait! I've got a good one now. Roman, say, "Stay away from my daughter," again.
Roman: [angrily] No!
Bray: [groaning] Oh...
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Jun 24, 2015 20:19:26 GMT -5
Vince: I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf! Big Show: A larf? Okay, what's in the news today... Vince: Oh for the love... Hurl this (pudding) at that! (Zack Ryder) Show: At Ryder?! But he's an Internet Champion! Vince: Well, let's decorate him then! Show: No! Vince: Not even for...four dollars? (Show throws the pudding) Ryder: OW! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! Vince: ''(laughing) That was capital! My lung is aching! Show: I liked when I threw the pudding! Vince: Do it again, I'll make it an even eight! Show: You're the boss! (Show throws another pudding) Ryder: OWWW!!! I'm in hell! Vince: Let's keep the laughs coming, Show! What do you say I make you my "executive in charge of recreation," or, better yet, my prank monkey! Show: Will you keep giving me money? Vince: I can't have my monkey running around in rags. Show: WOO-HOO! (Show throws another pudding, this time at Kofi Kingston) Kofi: HEY! Vince: (horrified) What are you doing, man?! That's Shelton!
***** Kane: Think, Kane! Think! What would Triple H do? Triple H: [in thought bubble] KAAAANE!!! Kane: Well, that's no help. [sits down on an army footlocker] Ah, my old footlocker. Back in the Attitude Era, I could command respect. [flashback to a Memphis training camp, where Kane and the New Age Outlaws are imprisoned] Road Dogg: Isaac, let's make a break for it while the guards are partying with Tammy Sytch. Kane (Isaac Yankem): Nope. Too dangerous. We're just gonna sit quietly and reminisce about candy bars. Billy Gunn: Uh, one time, I'm eatin' a candy bar at the beach, and this girl starts taking off her bathin' suit... Kane: Get back to the candy bar! Road Dogg: Screw this! I'm gettin' outta here! [runs through the cheaply insulated dry-wall] Kane: No, you fool! [he and Mr. Ass watch in horror as Road Dogg is eaten by Viscera wearing a coolie hat] Kane: [back in the present] That elephant-like man ate my entire stable...well I'm not gonna let it happen again!
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
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Post by ededdneddy on Jun 24, 2015 22:54:26 GMT -5
-This is in regards to the Mania locations thread-
Man: FORGET ABOUT THE LOCATION OF WRESTLEMANIA. WHEN DOES CHICAGO GET THE FREAKIN ROYAL RUMBLE!?!?!
Vince McMahon: Hey, I told you, you don't get your Royal Rumble until you give love and admiration to my brilliant daughter.
Man: I've had it up to here with your "rules".
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on Jun 25, 2015 1:53:49 GMT -5
HHH: Neville for your actions, I'm sentencing you to the lowest, most degarding job in WWE, jobbing with Ryder as a team on Superstars.
Ryder: (hurt) Aw geez, I'm standing right here sir!
HHH: Ah, yes. Uh...Take a good look at him, Neville, 'cause that's where you're headed
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 5, 2015 17:21:35 GMT -5
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on Jul 5, 2015 21:54:42 GMT -5
Tommy Dreamer: Mmm, I can feel all three kinds of softness.
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Post by MrElijah on Jul 6, 2015 18:56:50 GMT -5
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 7, 2015 3:26:59 GMT -5
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Jul 9, 2015 2:43:38 GMT -5
A bit outdated now, but.
Triple H: So, instead of being Kevin Steen on the independent circuit, you would be... Kevin Owens on NXT. Let's do a test run. I'll say 'hello Mr. Owens!' and you say 'hi.' Kevin: Check. Triple H: Hello Mr. Owens. Kevin: *blank stare* Triple H: Remember, your name, is Kevin Owens. Kevin: Okay. Triple H: Hello Mr. Owens. *time passes* Triple H: Now when I say 'Hello Mr. Owens' and stamp on your foot, you say, 'hi.' Kevin: Uhuh. Triple H: HELLO Mr. Owens. Owens leans over to Sami Zayn. Kevin: I think he's talking to you.
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chrom
Backup Wench
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Post by chrom on Jul 9, 2015 10:00:03 GMT -5
Beulah: Tommy I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Tommy: Not now Honey, I'm waiting for the season premiere of The XFL! Who will win this years million dollar game?
Beulah: Honey
Tommy: The X Stands for Xtreme!
Beulah: That's what I wanna talk to you about, its been cancelled.
Tommy: What?! How? Why?! How you'd find out?
Beulah: Last year's MVP told me, he cleans up hair clippings at the Salon
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Jul 9, 2015 11:49:15 GMT -5
The new NXT signings enter the training camp.
Samoa Joe: This is a bit more rustic than I expected. Finn Balor: I am not worried Joe, for this has..*Finn wipes off grime to reveal a WWE sticker* The WWEBrand Seal of Approval! You can only find these on products that meet the high personal standards of the WWE.
Woman: This one gets very hot when plugged in. Vince: Let me see. *Vincetouches lamp* YEOW! Woman: Should we get rid of it? *Woman motions to other defective merchandise such as a John Cena clock that says "hoo hoo ha ha" at an accelerated pace* Vince: No it is good. In fact, all of these are good! Welp, I'm off to Wimbleton!
Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen! In his native federation, he was a King! But he comes before you ready to dance for your own amusement! Presenting Samoa Joe! The Eighth Wonder of the World!
Scott Hall: "And as I got up in front of them. I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle!"
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