It's Been Too Long: Another WWE Simpsons Thread

[ededdneddy]

Vince McMahon: Hey there, meathead. What are you watching?

Ryback: Oh, I thought I'd check out Destination America.

Announcer: It's the TV movie of the year- The TNA Story: Booze, Drugs, Lies, Blackmail and Laughter.

James Storm: I went through a five-year orgy of nonstop pills and booze with nothing to show for it but 6 tag team championship reigns and a heavyweight title run.

Ryback: All right! They're gonna show his disastrous jobbing to Khoya.

Dixie Carter: Sanada, your partners Khoya and Storm are going to be having a rivalry.

Manik: Sanada is gone now. I am Manik

Dixie Carter: Whoever you are. Just pass it along.

Vince: What a bad and out of touch promoter.

[MrElijah]

Jerry McDevitt: Now Mr. Foley do you know this man?
Mick Foley: Yeah! I gave this SOB a plate of biscuits to paint my fence!!
Terry Funk: You jackass, those biscuits stunk!
Mick: Paint my fence!!
Terry: Make me, you yellow egg sucking dog!!!
*Foley leaps over witness stand and he and Funk beat the crap out of each other. *

[chrom]

Vince and Shane are driving on a trip, whilst Vince goes on one of his ramblings

Vince: And that's the problem with The Mileenial Generation, now the problem with your generation

Shane: *groans*

[dav]

Kevin Owens enters the backstage

KEVIN OWENS:
Hey, I saw a sign outside asking for help with a Kane feud?

TRIPLE H:
Yeah, what I want you to do is start a feud with Kane the instant Raw starts and keep him away from Vince so he doesn't get put in the main event.

OWENS:
OK, I'll be outside until you need me...

KANE:
It'll be a pleasure working with you!

DANIEL BRYAN:
Wait Owens! Sure, you can feud with Kane, as we've all done in our darkest hours. Or you can grab that brass ring and convince Vince McMahon to give you an honest push!

OWENS:
You're right! Starting from now, I'm going to do my best to become top of the company!

The theme for Raw starts

TRIPLE H:
Oh, my GOD!

VINCE MCMAHON (OFF SCREEN):
Ah Kane, you're going to be in a program with the WWE Championship for the next eight months. Now get out there and grab that brass ring!

KANE (OFF SCREEN):
Woo-hoo!

Triple H breaks down and weeps.

[wildojinx]

WWE Fans: What do we want?
SUBSTANTIALLY LESS BIG SHOW AND KANE ON WWE PROGRAMMING!

[ededdneddy]

John Laurinaitis: Who are you?

Kofi Kingston: "The Wildcat" Kofi Kingston!

John Laurinaitis: Who are you gonna beat?

Kofi Kingston: "The Wildcat" Chris Harris!

[Wrestling Curmudgeon]

Sara Lee: Ohhh! Now, calm down, Sara Leeilly-diddilly-diddilly-diddilly-diddilly. They did their best. Shodilly-idilly-iddilly-diddilly.Gotta be nice. Hostility-diddilly-diddilly-diddilly- Aw, hell! Diddily-ding-dong crap! Can't you morons do anything right?

[All in Barracks Gasping]

Gigi: Sara Lee! We meant well. And everyone here tried their best.

Sara Lee: Well, my family and I can't live in good intentions, Gabi! Oh, Australia's out of control, but we can't blame you because you have gooooooood intentions!

Josh: Hey, back off, Sara Lee!

Sara Lee: Oh, okay, duuuuuuude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, man! Here's a catchphrase you better learn for your adult years: "Hey, buddy, got a quarter?" [All Gasping, Chattering]

Gabi: Sara Lee, with all due respect - Josh didn't do anything.

Sara Lee: [Gasps] Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Gabi - Tough Enough's answer to a question no one asked! [Laughing; pointing at ZZ] What do we have here? The long flabby arm of the swamp? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!

ZZ: Mallomars. Oh, that's going in the act.

Sara Lee: Oh, yeah, the blonde princess. [points at Amanda] The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me scared. And as for you, I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a jerk!

Chelsea: Hey, I've only been here a few minutes. What's going on?

Sara Lee: You ugly, hate-filled man!

Mada: Hey- Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I've, um- What was the third thing you said?

[Walks over to Paige]

Sara Lee: Paige, you are the worst human being I have ever met.

Paige: Hey, I got off pretty easy.

[chrom]

Announcer: Introducing Nikita Volkoff, The Friendly Russian!

Fan 1: Didn't he use to be The Mad Russian

Fan 2: Yes but I'm afraid the forces of history have changed wrestling, perhaps forever

[chrom]

*After losing millions of dollars after his Olympic Scheme backfires, Doink The Clown is a wreck*

Doink: You people are pigs! *Sobs hysterically* I am personally going to spit on every fiftieth burger!

[chrom]

Ryback: Clown College? Pfft, you can't eat that

[LastCall]

Lesnar: All right Taker, I'm gonna do this [makes suplex motions]. If you get Germaned, it's your own fault.

Undertaker: Okay, then I'm gonna start kicking air, like this [makes kicking motions]. Should any part of your junk fill that air, it's YOUR own fault!

[Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill]

Christian: Yeah, sure, and they told me I'd get a big comeback when I got back from TNA. Instead, they spat on me. I can still feel it searing.

They'll forget just like they forgot about me in that wrestling company for four agonizing years. Every night I wake up screaming.

[chrom]

Paul Heyman: Well, we've been cancelled, but it's safe to say that ECW never did a bad show. Except for the week that Ray Jay Johnson was our guest commentator. "You can call me Ray, and you can call me Jay" that was funny for about three seconds. But the important thing is, we're like a family.

Dreamer: Heyman, I-

Heyman: Shut your hole!

[suave]

Vince McMahon:  "Take this as a warning, kids. Steve Austin is the ultimate bad boy. Befriend him and you'll wind up just like him-a rebel who does what he wants, when he wants."

[DJ Maniak]

Not Simpsons, but definitely related:

Eva Marie: I've been training with Brian Kendrick.

William Regal: You've been training with The Brian Kendrick?

Eva Marie: I've been training with a Brian Kendrick.

[chrom]

TV Announcer: Society put away Brock Lesnar for his brutal crime, but now he's paid his debt and now he's going to get revenge, on Bo Dallas

[suave]

Xavier Woods (to Samoa Joe): Hey, I know you! We were in the same pyramid scheme.

Joe: Oh, don't remind me. "Friends helping friends," my ass.

[chrom]

(During a brawl, Big Bossman, Sgt Buddy Lee Parker, and Corporal Kirchner see that the task is too great for them alone)

Big Bossman: We gotta get the whole force on this!

Corporal Kirchner: Uh, Chief, we ARE the whole force.

Big Bossman: Ok we gotta start recruiting!

[chrom]

*Smackdown's debut on The WB in early 2006*

Michigan J. Frog: We're proud to present on The WB, another bad show that no one will see! (Walks off in disgust) Oh, I need a drink

Michael Cole: Welcome everyone to WWE Smackdown!

[KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!]

*New Day are gawking at Kevin Owens in catering*

Kofi Kingston: God, he eats like a pig!
Xavier Woods: I don't know. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.