Write something or rate others' writing topic.

[Vice honcho room temperature]

millie12678 said:

i love writing and i would post here but i am sensitive about my poetry and self critical

Well than criticize mine damnit.

[Dave the Dave]

Damn, I just took all my news articles and history reports off my computer. You guys would have loved them .

I do like what I have read, I am not the most creative person, so seeing others obliterate my poem attempts gives me hope for society.

[Grendel]

millie12678 said:

i love writing and i would post here but i am sensitive about my poetry and self critical

Well then, critique mine. I'd like to hear what you have to say.

[Grendel]

C'mon, doesn't anyone have anything else to post? What if I say, "Please?"

[THE Dinobot]

They only two things I know how to write are:

- non-sense that goes no where and proves I have a mental disorder (check my blogs for some examples).
- poems/songs that are either to long and boring, have some slight naughtiness, or might get me called 'emo' around this place.

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Here's something I came up with that everyone stole:

Bump ;D

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Here's an idea for a TV show I came up with:

It takes place in the future, early 22nd to be exact. Humans have colonized and terra-formed the Solar System, with people living on Venus; Mars; the Moon; Jupiter's moons of Io, Ganymede, Callisto, and Europa; and Saturn's moons of Titan, Iapetus, Rhea, Dione, Tethys, Enceladus, and Mimus. In fact, hardly anyone lives on Earth ever since a huge accident increased Earth's magnetic field, causing metallic object to crash into the planet everyday. The only people who live on Earth are miners who mine Earth's resources, some farmers, geographers who map the planet's ever-changing geography, and a few people who refuse to leave the planet.

There are no countries anymore ever since the United Planets Federation was created. Humans live in the UPF along with aliens. There are the Arkillions, a race of aliens with spots on their skin that came to this system when a spaceship containing a billion of them crashed here. The Arkillions were slaves to the Gangons, an evil race of parasitic aliens that take over hosts and a quest for dominating other alien races. The Gangons have caused problems for the UPF, most notably a war in the 2080's where the Gangons took over the moons of Jupiter and Saturn. The UPF has also made contact with the aliens from the Epislon Eranadi solar system. These aliens are the Malvens, a reptilic race from the planet Malven; the Apsalonians, a human-like race with red, blue, violet, and orange races from the planet Apsalon; the Makans, a bird-like race from the planet Makan; the Victorians, a race that look a lot like humans but with different anatomies from the planet Victoria; and the Justaposens, a race that evolved from bear-like creatures from the planet Justaposen.

Technology is really advance, with spaceship capable of light speed and a system of Rings in the UPF and between the UPF and the EE system that allowed for even faster space travel. There are also new kinds of weapons, vehicles, drugs, ect. And, crime is a huge problem in the UPF, mainly due to the rampant corruption in the United Justice Organization, a UPF gov. agency created to deal with crime. In fact, corruption is so bad that bounty hunters are considered the only people who are compotent enough to handle all the crime in the UPF.

Okay, that was some background; now here is the premise of the show: Because of a famous UPF Supreme Court case (which is a lot like the U.S. Supreme Court), it is against the law for the UJO to withhold a bounty if a bounty hunter brings a criminal in dead. That has caused all wanted criminals to have a dead or alive bounty put on their heads. Thought the UJO has made live rewards higher than dead rewards, many bounty hunters bring in mostly dead criminals. This has created an image of an incompetent police force in the UPF, and the UJO doesn't like this. They would also like to have some criminals brought in alive. Therefore, two UJO agents, Chandler Kramer and Jason Rayford, have come up with a solution: hire their own team of bounty hunters and give them double the reward for live criminals and no reward for dead ones. Here is the team they have assembled:

Payton Smith--human; a war hero of the Gangon War; a former member of the Phoenix Syndicate, the largest criminal organization in the UPF, and drug addict turned bounty; and the best pilot in the whole solar system.

Matt Hudson--Arkillion; a former police detective on Ganymede who lost his arm because he ratted out some corrupt cops who then became a bounty hunter.

Lauren Jenkins--Arkillion; a veteran of the Gangon War who got discharge for helping a wanted man escape UPF authorities; a former security director at Maynard Chemicals Company now turned bounty hunter.

Denise Austin--human; a gambler who was cyrogenically frozen in the 2050s and then awaken in the 2080s; became a bounty hunter after meeting Matt and Payton and began working with them until she ran off with their money.

Scott Reynolds--human; con man who got on the bad sad of the Makan mob and was put into the Witness Protection Program; then became a bounty hunter.

Loki Rana--Malven; former drug dealer who got addicted to his product, eloped with a Makan mob bosses daughter, and was sent to prison by Payton; was released on the behest of Payton.

Fora Rana--Makan; Loki's wife; daughter of a Makan mob boss who eloped with Loki and helped him make drug deals since he was helplessly addicted to drugs; was sent to prison by Payton and later released on Payton's behest.

June Kobaiyashi--Victorian; a computer hacker who was put into an orphanage by her father after her mom left them with a priceless Victorian artifact and ended up working for a mob boss after he found out she was stealing money from his accounts; was rescued by Payton, Matt, and Denise and began working with them until she was reunited with her father; now works as a bounty hunter.

So, what do you people think about my show?

[nostradumbass]

Nobody's rating anymore.

[TsfNugeFan]

10/10 for all of you. There's your rating!!!

[invaderdave]

Well, this is the opening scene from one of my short stories, Big Trouble in Steven's Point, Wisconsin.
***
This so called stuff takes place in the far off country of China. Even more detailed would tell us that it takes place in Hong Kong, in a small pub, early seven o' clock a.m., slightly windy, and the sun is just starting to come out. 40% chance of rain.
Inside this small pub are only a few patrons. The most important, however, is two men, one young and muscular, and the other is getting on in years. The other important people sit across from them at a table. They are a family of three, a mother, a father, and a four-year-old girl.

Old man: This is my final offer, Mr. Sheng.

Mr. Sheng: My daughter is not for sale, Mr. Harmon.

Now, the reason they are bartering over the young girl is because, the old man, named Janus Harmon needs the girl for a certain plot point, and Mr. Sheng, quite understandably, would rather not give away his daughter.

Janus: Oh, come on, please?

Sheng: No.

Janus: I'll be your friend.

Sheng: Sorry, but no.

Janus: I'll give you a dollar.

Sheng: Wow, really?

Mrs. Sheng: Dear!

Sheng: Uh, I mean, no. No.

Janus: Then I'm afraid I must take drastic measures. Ballo!

The young muscular man steps forward, and attempts to take the girl. Mr. Sheng stops him mid-way, and engages him in a ten second martial arts battle. Mr. Sheng actually died in the first six seconds, but Ballo kept going, since he's a little weird that way.
Ballo attempts for the girl again, but Mrs. Sheng gets in his way.
Janus: We're not about to kill a woman...

Ballo goes right ahead and does so anyway.

Janus: Did you not hear what I just said?

Ballo: Sorry.

Janus: And of course, when you were busy going nuts, the girl escaped. Way to go, nimrod.

Ballo: Oh, come on! That's totally uncalled for!

Janus: Now we have to go looking for her. Do you think I like looking for people? Not since the Foreigner concert in '83, I don't!

Ballo: How far could the girl have gone?

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

nostradumbass said:

Nobody's rating anymore.

Then, why don't you do some rating?

[invaderdave]

I wrote something. How come no one rated that?

[THE Dinobot]

Dave, i'll rate yours TV-14.
Hope that's fair enough for ya's.

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

dinobotbprime said:

Dave, i'll rate yours TV-14.
Hope that's fair enough for ya's.

What about my TV show idea?

[The Line]

Don't know if this is too offensive but here it is, HBK's new themesong.


I think I'm the new Jesus.
I know I'm your savior.
I've got the Book,
That drives believers wild
I've got the prayers, that really move 'em.
I send souls up.
All the way up to Heaven.
I'm just a sexy savior...(sexy saviooorrr), I'm a holy roller (holy rooolleerr)...

EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT SINNERS.
HANDS OFF THE COMMUNION WINE..."

[THE Dinobot]

hulk6785 said:

What about my TV show idea?

It didn't seem that bad, as far as tv goes. So, I deem it to be a TV-PG.
Unless it's on Fox or Sci-Fi, then it'd be TV-MA.

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

dinobotbprime said:

hulk6785 said:

What about my TV show idea?

It didn't seem that bad, as far as tv goes. So, I deem it to be a TV-PG.
Unless it's on Fox or Sci-Fi, then it'd be TV-MA.

Awesome!

[Hulkshi Tanahashi]

Bump. And, I had this idea for a book. It is about a newspaper reporter who has an amazing power: everything he writes comes true. So, he creates his own news stories, making him look like the best journalist in the world. Then, he meets a woman who wants to kill. So, he uses his power to get rid of her, but it doesn't work on her. Now, he is traveling across country to get away from this woman and to find a way stop her and the reason why he has this amazing power. I call it "Paper Man."

[THE Dinobot]

Is there an origin story on how he got those powers? I adore origins.
If so, 10 out of 10. If not, 8. Unless he's a mutant or alien and that's his power, then 10 again.

[THE Dinobot]

I wrote this MANY years ago. It makes me laugh now.

"My Own Paradox"

I'm gonna keep all my secrets locked
Deep inside my iron pandora box
Buried deep underneath the rocks
Only to trust my own paradox
I'm gonna allow myself to lose control
Of what I believe isn't a perfect soul
Become an underground mole
Accuse anyone if they don't know
I'm gonna make believe I'm like all of those
Goin' to the places to watch the shows
To worship my half-dead heroes
And I won't be the only one who goes
I'm gonna ask directions to a place I don't belong
Where everyone but me is wrong
"Like A Rolling Stone" is the only song
No one will care if it's six minutes long
I'm gonna walk up and down
This half-deceased town
With to many people around
Arguing with each other with forceful sound
I'm gonna watch the same movie
Over and over in a row, constantly
Having some kind of effect on me
Very entertaining and groovie
I'm gonna cut myself down with my own words
'Cause I know they'll never be heard
Watch from a death bed, the ravens and blackbirds
Only to realize, everything is absurd
I'm gonna use a harmonica and a guitar
Pick up my head and reach for the stars
Playing in arenas or coffee bars
Doesn't matter to me, unless I make it far
I'm gonna sell a million records and become a success
Get hooked-up on drugs, become a mess
Get in contact with all my stress
Tell stories and lies to the press
But that's only a guess
I'm gonna write my songs and grab peoples attention
Write and recite all types of situations
Watch hopeless people give-into temptation
And in the end, locked down in investigation