Big Poppa Pumpkin
Dennis Stamp
I'll be in the back polishing............ my belt.
Posts: 4,987
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Post by Big Poppa Pumpkin on Aug 30, 2015 19:11:37 GMT -5
HEY man so I had like awful social anxiety as a teenager and no self-confidence, but I got better like after I turned 20 ish. Now I'm a pretty confident guy and socially competent like 99% of the time, but whenever I go back to my hometown all that negativity comes flooding right back to me and like just being there causes me to start doubting myself and panicking and whatnot. Like I feel trapped there even when I'm just passing through and suddenly lose the ability to deal with social situations. How do human even?
Anyway I need some solidarity here people, tell me your story
also if any of you wanna play armchair psychologist that might be fun
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Post by "Gentleman" AJ Powell on Aug 30, 2015 19:19:24 GMT -5
I used to have pretty low self confidence. Then I went from 5'4 to 6'0 over the course of a few years, lost a bunch of weight & found it's better to get a snappy comeback off than stew in your anger if someone says shit to you.
These days, I'm pretty good, although I've found if I'm not expecting it and a girl catches my eye and smiles at me, I'll just panic and look away. But that's mainly because I still have a thing at the back of my mind that I don't wanna be the creepy guy who girls think is staring at them.
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suave
Dennis Stamp
"I only got on my knees for God and maybe to lick a girl's pussy" -Teddy Hart
Posts: 4,207
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Post by suave on Aug 30, 2015 19:23:51 GMT -5
Feel you. I was a weird kid in grade school. Things got better in high school, and I have a circle of about 5 friends from middle school and junior high who I still talk to and am cool with, but apart from that, I feel awkward whenever I'm back at my old parish for stuff.
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Post by Unaffiliated on Aug 30, 2015 20:02:59 GMT -5
I feel like I still have pretty bad social anxiety, but it's a lot better than it used to be. Right now, I'm still terrified of initiating conversation, but am okay once a conversation starts going. Back then, I couldn't even reciprocate conversation; I would be way too self-conscious about hobbies and things like that to really talk about myself. Likewise, I would be afraid of asking people simple 'getting to know you' questions, fearing I would offend them.
For me, moving around has helped me with this a lot. Moving away from all family and friends has provided me with a 'fresh start', and without anyone's support, being more social has become a neccesity. But I also have this weird thing where I can't let go of my socially awkward past. So when I visit my old friends and family back home, I always retreat back to my socially awkward self simply because that's the me they're familiar with.
Generally, I've still got things to improve on. Nothing scares me more than being in a social gathering where I'm the new guy, and everyone already knows everyone else. I also need to be less afraid of joining in on open invitation events; I always feel like if I'm not specifically invited then I won't be welcome.
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Post by Toilet Paper Roll on Aug 30, 2015 21:14:06 GMT -5
Does Sunday nght work related anxiety/sleeplesness count?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2015 21:27:21 GMT -5
I get really anxious when I'm talking to someone, I can never really gather my thoughts and work out what I want to say and it really frustrates me, which makes things worse. It got really bad about 4 years ago after my mum died, to the point where I couldn't think about leaving the house without having a panic attack. I can leave the house now, because I live alone and I would be homeless if I couldn't, but I still can't really function properly in a social setting if I'm not around my friends. I have little to no self confidence because of it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wind up being a weird old hermit when I'm older, but at least I'll still be writing one liners on the old FAN forums.
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Post by Ludwig Kaiser’s Walk on Aug 30, 2015 22:18:47 GMT -5
I was a three sport captain in HS and was fearless speaking in front of the whole school or to any girl at any time.
I move away to college and all of that confidence slowly slipped away. It was still there at first, but I gradually started to gain weight and lost a lot of confidence. Over the years, everything started to come back to me, but I still can't talk to girls the same way as I once did.
A few years ago I had a panic attack in a bar and since then, I haven't been able to go back into a situation where I feel closed in. I can go to sporting events and movies, but I know I couldn't go to a concert or a bar. I tense up and just break down. I actually was hospitalized earlier this month due to my anxiety, so it's not exactly getting better either.
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Malcolm
Grimlock
Wanted something done about the color of his ring.
Eternally Confused
Posts: 13,478
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Post by Malcolm on Aug 30, 2015 22:32:41 GMT -5
I feel like everyone is judging me. Every time someone looks at me, I feel like they're judging me, thinking that I'm some kind of ugly smelly freak. It gets worse in the summer when I sweat, I feel like people can smell how stinky I am. Or when I walk by some people and they start laughing. They're laughing at me. They have to be. What else could they be laughing about. I'm just a big joke. An ugly, pathetic, weird joke.
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Sam Punk
Hank Scorpio
Own Nothing, Be Happy
Posts: 6,304
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Post by Sam Punk on Aug 30, 2015 22:34:32 GMT -5
I wish you well friend
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Post by Cyno on Aug 30, 2015 23:19:48 GMT -5
I have the hardest time talking to people on the phone unless it's my parents (or I'm at work talking to complete strangers). Like I can break out in sweats if I'm about to call someone and sometimes I just don't end up following through.
I just have trouble initiating 1-on-1 conversations in general, even with friends.
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Big Poppa Pumpkin
Dennis Stamp
I'll be in the back polishing............ my belt.
Posts: 4,987
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Post by Big Poppa Pumpkin on Aug 31, 2015 0:21:30 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing your experiences guys, I was worried this was gonna be one of those super cringeworthy threads nobody posts in and I have to quietly delete and hope nobody noticed.
I think I just have this horrible fear that everything in my life will collapse and I'll have to move back home where I can't function like a normal person. I should use this as motivation to achieve my goals but sometimes it really keeps me up and I can't sleep. Blahh. I went home for a family reunion type deal and there were lots of extended family and family friends I hadnt seen in years, felt like I was going to have a legit panic attack and that was with people I at least vaguely know. It got easier after I drank some beers but that's not exactly a solution. I dunno.
Anyway I always feel like shit after these things but reading your experiences was comforting in the sense that it reminded me I am not alone or abnormal or whatever. So sincerely thanks (i feel like this phrased horribly but i am too tired to engage my brain now)
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Ultimo Gallos
Grimlock
Dreams SUCK!Nightmares live FOREVER!
Posts: 14,359
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Post by Ultimo Gallos on Aug 31, 2015 0:37:28 GMT -5
My main issue is when I am out in public I hear bits and pieces of everyone around me's conversations. Now use to be I could just filter it out. I haven't been able to do that for almost 10 years now. So when I leave the house I bring my mp3 player. Once I am inside someplace I put in my earbuds and listen to music or podcasts. That way I do not hear those snippets of conversations.
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suave
Dennis Stamp
"I only got on my knees for God and maybe to lick a girl's pussy" -Teddy Hart
Posts: 4,207
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Post by suave on Aug 31, 2015 0:51:41 GMT -5
Random piece of advice that helped me: act cocky and like you're not worried about anything. I used to have no game or social skills until I started just acting like I knew what I was talking about. Don't show vulnerability, establish yourself as a personality, pretend that you believe everything you're saying. Ric Flair said "make wherever you are the place to be" and that's so true. I started doing this, and now I have a girlfriend and a relatively popular circle of friends. All because I acted like I knew what I was doing. It's not stupid if it works.
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Post by bibboid on Aug 31, 2015 1:02:43 GMT -5
I have never been comfortable talking to people. It's like my brain just can't keep up with my mouth and I end up saying something stupid...or insensitive... Or just flat out insulting. So my solution is to just not talk to people.
On top of that, I have bad hearing. Especially when there is a lot of background noise. So the thought of going to a club or a bar doesn't have much appeal to me. I used to try but I usually ended up sitting and drinking and watching TV or shooting pool..anything to avoid having to actually interact with the people around me.
I used to have three or four good friends at any given time. But every five or six years, something would always happen and I would lose all of them. when I moved out to California I just said "f*** it," and gave up trying. I somehow managed to find a girl who understands me and she has plenty of friends that we can hang out with when we feel like it but we spend most nights just hanging out at home. And rather than trying to make friends, I just post stuff on Internet message boards knowing that actual personal interaction with people is not required. I'd love to get to know you all better, but quite simply the thought terrifies me.
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Post by MC Blowfish on Aug 31, 2015 8:52:56 GMT -5
I'm not a fan of going to too many places. I get anxious about going to concerts with my wife. No clue why, but it's actually been like that for years. I have a favorite comic shop that is just awesome. The guy that runs it, knows me by name and talks to me. He's real cool, but sometimes I get anxious about going into the store.
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DragonMasterP
King Koopa
Wait, I turned 30? How'd that happen?
Posts: 11,986
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Post by DragonMasterP on Aug 31, 2015 9:01:25 GMT -5
I can talk to people well enough, it's mostly crippled by the fact that I HATE making eye contact, at least with people I don't know. It just seems creepy.
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Big Poppa Pumpkin
Dennis Stamp
I'll be in the back polishing............ my belt.
Posts: 4,987
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Post by Big Poppa Pumpkin on Aug 31, 2015 14:03:03 GMT -5
Haha yeah I have that instinctive 'immediately look away when someone makes eye contact with me' reaction too, then I make things worse by trying to fight the instinct by making eye contact with them AGAIN which I'm sure looks very strange. I guess nobody actually cares about that in the real world, the human mind comes up with all kinds of dumb ways to make you feel self-conscious.
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Post by Raskovnik on Aug 31, 2015 14:33:33 GMT -5
I love Chinese food but I'm afraid to enter Chinese restaurants unless they're ones I've already been to. I know logically that I went to those for the first time before as well, but it is still awkward. It's because most of them around here do such a poor job of making you feel welcome. It's a silly problem but it's mine.
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Post by Tea & Crumpets on Aug 31, 2015 14:46:49 GMT -5
I have a ton of social anxieties, to the extent that even discussing them on this messageboard is difficult for me. I've twice already written a post, then deleted it.Consequently I find the safest thing for me is to play the carefree goof.
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Big Poppa Pumpkin
Dennis Stamp
I'll be in the back polishing............ my belt.
Posts: 4,987
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Post by Big Poppa Pumpkin on Aug 31, 2015 15:00:49 GMT -5
I'm liking your post anyway because you tried and I know that shit is hard to articulate. Yeah I found that faking a kind of carefree confidence worked at first, it was probably the key to me turning things around and being able to actually build some real confidence. Problem is, I go back home now and again and I'm interacting with people who knew me how I 'was' rather than how I 'am' and that impression they have of me really seems impossible to change. Aghhh
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