A TNA 2006 Yarn [EWR Diary]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

January, 2016

It had been a few months since I started running wrestling shows out of my backyard. Things were going decently well so far but I had to watch Impact’s debut on whatever new channel they are on to make sure that we were putting on more entertaining shows than those jabronis. Much to my relief, we totally were despite our non-existent production values. As I watched ECIII beat Matt Hardy for the vacant TNA World Championship only to immediately lose the title to Tyrus who cashed in the title shot he earned at Bound For Glory the previous year, I couldn’t help but wonder where it all went wrong. I remember when I first started watching TNA back in 2006. There was so much optimism and excitement about the product. I made sure to watch Impact every week. The show weren’t always better than WWE but they were different. They felt like a legitimate alternative for those that were kinda bored with WWE’s direction like I was. Now, the company’s only value comes from being able to laugh at all the L’s they are catching. Not to sound like a smug asshole but I totally am a smug asshole and think I could have saved the company if I just had the book. I mean, come on. I have 30,000+ posts on this internet wrestling board, that’s like a master’s degree in terms of booking credibility. If only there was some way to change history…

Wait. What if this was some goofy alternate timeline where I totally could change history? I can’t believe I’ve been so foolish. All I need to do is put on the appropriate music…

*Language Warning*

... and state my wish three times while rubbing my hands together.

I wish I booked TNA in 2006. I wish I booked TNA in 2006. I wish I booked TNA in 2006.
Brrrrrr…

---

Huh. Where the hell am I? Based on the nice looking coffee table in front of me with some boring magazines on it (Jungle Fever Quarterly? What da hale?), it looks like I’m in some kind of waiting room. Before I have a chance to investigate my surroundings much, I hear my name called by this brunette chick with a clipboard. “Mr. Magic, Dixie Carter will see you now about the head booker position.”

Oh shit, son. Out of instinct, I move to straighten my tie only to realize that I’m not even wearing a suit, let alone a tie. Ah well, hopefully she’ll appreciate the John Cena shirt that I had oddly chosen to wear for this meeting. After entering Dixie's office and exchanging pleasantries with her, I sat down in the chair across from her desk wondering how in the world I was gonna bullshit my way through this. This was going to take some of my cunning. No. ALL of my cunning.

Dixie: So Magic, how do you plan on improving the product during this crucial time in our company’s history?

Magic: Uh...hmmm. I can...put on better shows. And I can hire cool wrestlers! And...uh…

Damn it, she’s clearly expecting more. Come on, Magic. Think on your feet.

Magic: ...We can go balls deep on WWE?

Dixie: That’s the type of “can-do” spirit that I wanted to hear, sugah! You’re hired!

YES!

Dixie: You’ll practically have full control over the creative direction of the shows so long as there’s nothing that I or the Spike executives heavily object to. Now, we are currently building towards our biggest show of the year, Bound for Glory, but we would love to get you started before the end of the year. How does November 1st sound as a start date?

Magic: That sounds like us leaving those WWE geeks in our dust, that’s what it sounds like.

The more nonsense I talked about how we were totally gonna murk WWE, the more I could see that I was working myself into Dixie’s good graces. After a few more minutes of me shit talking WWE like it would raise my credit score, she called the brunette that I saw earlier into the office. I didn’t notice it at first but she’s kinda cute.

Dixie: Sophie, please call Vince and let him know that he doesn’t need to come in for his interview today. The position has already been filled. [Looking at me] This is Sophie. She’ll be acting as your assistant during your time here. I’ll make sure that she gets you all the info you need about the roster, event schedule, etc. You’ll also have to relocate to Florida since that's where we do most of our shows. Sophie will help you out with that as well.

Hopefully, it’ll be somewhere close to Sophie. Baby, won’t you come my way? I got something that I want to say. Oh wait, that song doesn’t even exist for another 9 years or so. Damn, living in the past is gonna be weird.

---

Within a week or so, Sophie had emailed all the info I needed. As I was checking out the roster, I was quickly reminded of how stacked TNA’s roster used to be at one point.

THE STARS

“The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE: Easily the biggest acquisition in TNA history, Angle has yet to have actually had a match in TNA. All he’s done so far is get into two confrontations with Samoa Joe (which has fans clamoring for a match between the two) and be the special guest enforcer in the main event of BFG. Due to this, fans are eagerly awaiting the news of when and where his first TNA match will be. It’s Kurt freaking Angle. Lots of directions I could go with this cat so I’m pretty excited about that.

“The Icon” STING [NWA World Heavyweight Champion]: The Stinger won the NWA title from Jeff Jarrett at BFG. I’m kinda at a loss of what to do with Sting. He’s easily one of our top draws and can still go in big matches but he is pretty damn old at 47. If we are supposed to be a hot alternative to WWE, do we really need to be relying on some dude that was headlining shows 10 years ago? There’s something to be said for name value but I also have to plan the future here, especially since I know the crap shack TNA is gonna become without that planning.

“The Instant Classic” CHRISTIAN CAGE: The first real WWE guy to “jump ship” to here, he’s already a former NWA World Heavyweight Champion and turned heel in recent months in an effort to refresh his character and add more depth to the rudo side of the roster. I can see myself relying on this dude a lot. He’s great in the ring, excellent at promos, and has name value with the all important casual viewer that might only be familiar with WWE.

“The Monster” ABYSS: A homegrown talent, Abyss has been a top star here for a couple of years now. Known for his wild hardcore antics, he’s managed by the sinister James Mitchell who seems to have some kind of deep relationship with Abyss that very few fully understand. I’ve never been a big fan of these garbage wrestler types but hey, I’ll work with the tools I have.

“The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE: One of the gooniest goons in all of wrestling right now, Joe made his name in Ring of Honor by being their longest reigning world champion ever. Having made the jump to TNA in 2005, he has yet to actually have been pinned or submitted in a match in the 18 months or so that he’s been here. His eyes seemed to be set on the NWA World title until Kurt Angle came to town and headbutted the piss out of him. It seems like Joe wants a match with Kurt Angle before he wants anything else now. The question is, how long do I feel like holding back on that match before finally pulling the trigger?

“The Phenomenal” AJ STYLES & “The Fallen Angel” CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: Having held the NWA World Tag Team titles twice, AJ & Daniels recently lost the titles at BFG to those evil foreigners, the Latin American Exchange. Even though the match was critically acclaimed by many as being the best of the night, one has to wonder what the loss means for the future of the team.

THE LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE (Homicide, Hernandez, & Konnan) [NWA World Tag Team Champions]: Their gimmick is basically that they are mean Latinos. Not much else need to be said about it other than they kill bitches dead.

TEAM 3D (Brother Ray & Brother Devon): Having made their name in ECW & WWE, The former Dudley Boys are still chasing their first NWA Tag Team title reign amazingly. Krispy Kreme and Butterbean are similar to Sting in the sense that they have name value but they are also kinda old. Not in terms of their actual ages but in terms of TV age and exposure. The act’s kinda run it’s course, honestly. Still, the live crowds eat their stuff up so I got no real choice but to use them.

“The War Machine” RHINO: A former NWA World champ, Rhino is coming off a hard loss to Christian Cage at BFG in an 8-Mile Street Fight. How will the former ECW star bounce back from this defeat? Rhyno’s actually one of my all time favorites so expect him to be given a healthy push.

THE OTHER GEEKS:

A1
Alex Shelley
Andy Douglas
Austin Starr
BG James
Brother Runt
Cassidy Riley
Chase Stevens
Chris Harris
Chris Sabin [X-Division Champion]
Christy Hemme [Hot Ring Girl]
David Young
Elix Skipper
Eric Young
Frankie Kazarian
Gail Kim
Hernandez
Homicide
James Mitchell
James Storm
Jay Lethal
Jeff Jarrett (INACTIVE)
Jerry Lynn
Jim Cornette [Management Director]
Jimmy Jacobs
Johnny Devine
Kevin Nash
Kip James
Lance Hoyt
Low Ki
Matt Bentley
Norman Smiley (the hell!?)
Petey Williams
Puma (later known as professional TNA dick-rider Manik/TJ Perkins)
Raven
Robert Roode
Ron Killings
Scott Steiner
Shane Douglas [Manager]
Shark Boy
Simon Diamond [Manager]
So Cal Val
Sonjay Dutt
Ms. Traci Brooks [Manager]

---

Oh and one more thing. I just got news that not only is Impact getting moved to the Primetime slot, we are getting 2 HOURS. Wasn’t expecting that but hey, I’ll gladly take it. It’s time to prove to the world that TNA doesn’t have to be some ol’ bullshit!

Next show up will be the November 9th Impact as the November 2nd Impact was just a lame duck show holding things over until the prime time shift took effect.

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

If you don't have Norman Smiley resurrect and defend the Hardcore Title then I've lost faith in you.

[SAJ Forth]

Awesome stuff.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

November 9th, 2006
TNA Impact! [78%]
TAPED from the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay and Don West

I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit nervous as we got set to tape the first show for our new 2-hour, primetime slot. What if these shows are a disaster and Dixie thinks I’m a jabroni that doesn’t know what he’s doing? What if the live crowd just poops all over the shows? What if oh my word, look at Sophie’s booty in those pants. ...I feel calm now.

Sophie: Wow, you drop papers a lot. It must be really annoying for you when I’m not here to pick them up. Anyway, you ready? A lot of fans have already filed into the building and I think David (Sahadi, the head of the production team) is just waiting for the final go-ahead from you to start the show.

Magic: I’m sweating like B-Rabbit in 8-Mile right now but yeah, I think we’re ready to start taping. Let’s roll, bae.

Sophie: ...What does bae mean?

Magic: Don’t worry about it.

---

- After all the pyro and ballyhoo to celebrate our primetime debut (oof, is that really the best pyro we can afford? Might have to ask Mama Carter to up the production values a bit), Management Director Jim Cornette came out to address the crowd. After a brief but firey speech to get people amped for tonight’s show, he announced that on November 26th, TNA would be presenting Genesis LIVE on PPV! “Oh yes indeed, it’s gonna be a special night because at the show, wrestling’s only Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle will be making his TNA in-ring debut!” Of course, this got a huge pop from the crowd and even resulted in a short “Angle! Angle!” chant. It’s worth noting that Cornette never actually said WHO Angle’s opponent is gonna be. That’s because...well, I won’t spoil it.

Anyhoo, after mentioning that Angle was set to do an in-ring interview later in the show, Cornette looked like he was ready to continue shilling the PPV until the entrance music of Christian Cage interrupted him. The cocky cocky heel sauntered down to the ring with a simple request for Jim Cornette. He wanted a title match against Sting at Genesis. “Come on, Jimmy. I mean, I’ve known Kurt for years. He’s great and all but...he’s not gonna be turning any heads if his face appears on a poster. Everybody knows that the Instant Classic is the man that puts butts in seats and eyeballs on the TV! You need some real star power on this show and I can give it to ya’.” The two went back and forth a bit before Cornette basically said no but offered Cage a consolation prize. In the main event, he gets to square off against the champ...in a tag match. It’s gonna be Christian and “The Monster” Abyss against Samoa Joe & Sting. Cage was a bit salty at being denied his title shot but reluctantly headed to the back after giving Cornette a dirty look to bring the segment to a close. [82%]

1. In honor of this special night, the opening match was a title match as Chris Sabin put his X-Division championship on the line against the winner of the first (and probably only) Kevin Nash Open Invitational Battle Royal, Austin Starr. I was expecting a stellar match from these two and boy, did they deliver. You know, after months of watching dudes have shitty matches in my backyard, I kinda forgot what it’s like to watch two legit great wrestlers. Having been given lots of time, these guys did a ton of cool looking moves that had the fans (who didn’t seem to care all that much in the beginning) rocking by the end. After nearly 15 minutes of action, Sabin used the Cradle Shock to put Starr away but I think it’s fair to say both guys got over from this match. [****¼]

- Backstage, from some dark undisclosed location, Raven cut a promo. He rambled on about some bullshit for a couple minutes before giving his “Quote the Raven, Nevermore” slogan. I don’t what he said but it sounded cool. [86%]

- Time for the Kurt Angle in-ring interview as the Olympic Gold Medalist entered the ring to thunderous applause. With Mike Tenay conducting the interview, Angle basically repeats a lot of the stuff he’s said since signing with TNA. WWE can suck it, he’s happy to be in TNA because it has the best wrestlers in the world, I want to do a moonsault, etc. Ok, he didn’t say that last one but you get the idea. When asked about who he wanted to face in his in-ring debut at Genesis, Angle didn’t even have a chance to really think about the question before Scott Steiner came stomping down the ramp. Having not been on TV for about two months or so, Steiner’s appearance clearly caught fans off-guard as he snatched the mic away from Tenay as soon as he got in the ring. Steiner got right into Angle’s face and flat out told him that he thought Kurt was all hype. Citing his own collegiate wrestling background, Steiner said the only reason that he never went to the Olympics was because he was too busy “entertaining all my freaks across the world.” The Big Bad Booty Daddy even went as far as to say that the only reason why Kurt was a big deal “up north” was because “them matchmakers were too scared to put us in the same ring together. They knew that if we ever squared off, your ass would get EXPOSED for being the phony that you really are!”

Amazingly, Kurt managed to keep his cool as Steiner tore into him and had a very simple response when he was done. “If you want to go...I’m right here, Scotty.” Fans were already buzzing at the possibility of seeing a fight but Steiner just shook his head “no” and turned around as if he was leaving the ring. As many of the smarter fans probably predicted, this was just a ruse as Steiner quickly turned around and threw a punch at Angle. Unfortunately for Steiner, Kurt predicted it too as he effortlessly ducked under the punch and sent Steiner crashing into the mat with a German Suplex in one fluid motion! Having been humbled like a young boy breaking into the business, Steiner could only retreat to the back, promising Kurt that this was far from over with each step. Angle didn’t seem too concerned, however, as he just flexed for the not yet invented gram’ and soaked in the Impact Zone’s cheers. [90%]

2. In a fairly short tag match, The James Gang (BG & Kip James) took on Alex Shelly and Johnny Devine, better known as Paparazzi Productions. This is about as basic of a tag match as the old dudes were on total cruise control tonight. I mean, the match was aight but it was so obvious that the Outlaws were just going through the motions and essentially letting Shelly & Devine work around them. Despite that, guess who ended up going over? I kinda felt bad when Devine ate a Pumphandle Slam from Road Dogg for the pin but hey, the James Gang are supposed to be a long-term team. Devine & Shelly aren’t so they got to do the job tonight. I don’t think Kip really understood that though since he walked up to me after the match and thanked me for “putting them over those flippy midgets.” [**¾]

- After a commercial break, Robert Roode was standing in the ring with his lovely manager Ms. Traci Brooks. Basically, Roode said that he’s tired of being overlooked and that it’s time “TNA Management” took notice of him. He extended an open challenge to any TNA superstar in the back. In this case, “any TNA superstar” turned out to be Rhino! [75%]

3. The ensuing match between Robert Roode and Rhino ended up being a good little TV match. It took a while for it to get going since Roode stalled a lot early on but once they actually began fighting, they had a give and take brawl that saw slowly saw Rhino get the better of the encounter as it went on. After planting Roode with a Spinebuster, it looked as if the “War Machine” was ready to move in for the kill as he signaled for the Gore. Fans would be denied the move on this as Roode rolled out of the ring before Rhyno could go for it, simply grabbing Ms. Brooks by the hand and heading to the back. Even though he got the win via count out, Rhyno didn’t look entirely satisfied with how this match ended. [***]

- It’s TO THE BACK~! as Christian was having a conversation with James Mitchell. Abyss could be seen standing menacingly in the background, occasionally tilting his head to the side in cornball monster fashion. Cage and Mitchell basically come to an agreement that tonight, Christian and Abyss will overlook the many, many, MANY differences between them and be on the same page in the main event. [89%]

4. Team 3D are on a quest to win their first NWA World Tag Team Championship and they got another chance at glory tonight as they took on LAX in a title match. Another good match that featured lots of action both inside and outside the ring. At one point, both teams were literally brawling in the crowd. For some reason, the ref didn’t even try counting them out so let’s just say it’s a title match and the ref is giving them some leeway. If you don’t believe that, shut up. Anyhoo, the Dudleys will win the NWA tag title...some night. That night isn’t tonight as Hernandez distracted the ref while Konnan slipped Homicde a roll full of quarters. All it took was one punch from the coin-filled fist to put out Devon’s lights. After disposing of the evidence by kicking the coins out of the ring, the ref “conveniently” happened to start paying attention to the match again and counted the pinfall for LAX. Seemingly not satisfied with just getting the win, LAX looked to inflict more punishment on the Dudleys but were stopped by America’s Most Wanted. James Storm and Chris Harris still want revenge on LAX for attacking their valet Gail Kim a few weeks ago but Konnan quickly told his men to flee through the crowd once he saw AMW coming after them. AMW checked on the fallen Dudleys as Mike Tenay mentioned that they’ll get a shot at both LAX and the tag titles at Genesis. [***]

- AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels were out in their street clothes to publicly discuss their future as a tag team. Even though both men still took time out to slap hands with fans, they seemed more somber and reserved than usual as they came out. Daniels said there have been more than a few rumors going around about possible directions that he and AJ could go in now that they are no longer the World Tag Team champions. “Particularly, the focus has been on whether or not those directions will be separate from each other.” Daniels looked like he was going to continue but he suddenly stops, seemingly not knowing what to say.

Sensing that his partner was at a loss for words, AJ picked up his mic to speak but since AJ can’t talk for shit during this time period, I knew I couldn’t let that happen. Two hooded men with bandanas bearing the Confederate Flag covering their faces hit the ring and laid out the former tag champs before Styles could say a word! In the ensuing melee, their bandanas fell off and indie wrestling fans everywhere rejoiced as they saw that it was The Briscoe Brothers, Jay and Mark. To cap off the beatdown, AJ ended up eating a Jay Driller while Daniels took a devastating Springboard Doomsday Device! This was supposed to get a ton of heat but a good portion of the Impact Zone (ie. the ones that watch ROH) cheered. Ugh. At least people are reacting. [64%]

5. The main event tag match, Sting & Samoa Joe vs. Christian Cage & Abyss, was a solid main event but really wasn’t anything special. Really, you only need to know two key aspects of it. One, Joe and Abyss went HAM on each other during the match. There must still be some bad blood between the two after Monster’s Ball at Bound For Glory. The second key aspect was the finish, where Cage pinned Sting via a roll up with a handful of tights. If nothing else, this gives him a legitimate claim for getting a title match at Genesis! [***]

---

Overall, I think the taping went pretty well. There really wasn’t a bad match on the show and the only segment that kinda fell flat was the debut of the Briscoes. You know, I think I could get used to this gig. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see Sophie walking over so my hands suddenly have no strength to hold these papers.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

November 16th, 2006
TNA Impact! [72%]
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

1. This week’s show started off with a good ol’ fashioned ass whooping as Scott Steiner absolutely murked Puma. Ya’ll know I had to give Puma some L’s for all his future dick-riding. Also, I’ve never really liked him. Anyway, this goes like 2 minutes before Puma is tapping furiously in the Steiner Recliner. After the match, Steiner got on the mic and talked some trash about Angle, challenging him to a match at Genesis. [65%]

- Backstage, LAX cut a promo on America’s Most Wanted. Konnan did virtually all the talking and basically said that his crew was coming to get the white boys at Genesis. Don’t f*** with K-Dawg, mang. [74%]

2. Speaking of the white boys, they get a win tonight as America’s Most Wanted put away The Naturals with little difficulty. It wasn’t quite a squash as Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens did get in some token offense but it was close. A Death Sentence to Douglas finished the match. Afterwards, Gail Kim got in the ring to pose with her men and helped them make the universal “I’mma be the next champion” gesture across their waists. [75%]

- It’s TO THE BACK~! as Robert Roode, trailed by the voluptuous Ms. Brooks, stormed into Jim Cornette’s office to whine about his “lack of opportunities.” Cornette, who looked to be in the middle of finalizing some matches for Genesis, was clearly annoyed with the wealthy Canadian. Despite Cornette’s reassurances that he’s not being overlooked for any opportunities, Roode lived up to his name by getting super uppity with the Management Director until Cornette agrees to give him a “top level opponent” to face next week. When Roode inquired as to who it would be, Corny said he didn’t even know yet “but I promise, the match will be worth your while. Now please, leave my office and take Ms. Brooks’ cleavage with ya!” For her part, Ms. Brooks looked offended by the comment (what, did she not know her goodies were hanging out?) but Roode seemed somewhat satisfied as he exited the office. [66%]

- The Impact Zone was very surprised to see Jimmy Hart accompany The Briscoe Brothers out to the ring for an in-ring promo. I wish I could take credit for this signing but I can’t. Hart had actually signed a deal before I was even hired, they just hadn’t figured out a role for him before I came along. I was one that bugged Dixie about signing the Briscoes though so you can thank me for that. Please, my fragile ego needs the boost.

Anyway, last week, these guys made an impactful (yeah, I know, I’m sorry) debut after laying out former tag champions AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels. After clarifying that he was the official “agent” of the Briscoes, Hart said that his clients wanted to make a statement last week. “To both Jim Cornette and the entire tag team division!” The Briscoes didn’t come to TNA to be some lame, middle of the road tag team. They came to TNA to dominate this division and they were willing to do whatever it takes to do it. “These boys are rough, tough, and hard to bluff, daddy.” Hart concludes the promo by saying that what his clients did Daniels & AJ was only a preview of things to come. Good promo but I can already tell it’s gonna take fans a little while to warm up to this act. [59%]

3. In some international X-Division action, Dragon Gate star CIMA faced CMLL standout Ultimo Guerrero in a ridiculously fast-paced match. If you’ve never seen either of these cats before, this probably blew your mind a bit as they seemingly had a contest between each other as to who could do more spectacular aerial moves. While you could make an argument for either man winning that contest, the winner of this contest was undeniable as Ultimo used his signature Guerrero Special to pick up the win. A big part of what makes us different from WWE is the X-Division so we could definitely use more matches like this. The fans were kinda cold for it since both guys were foreigners but the action was quality. [68%]

- We’re taking it back to 89’ motherf***ers as Don West is seated at some kind of booth backstage. The monitors behind him list this location as the “GENESIS HYPE CENTER~!~!~!” Ol’ Don did what he does best and acted as a hypeman for the upcoming PPV, making sure to plug the tag title match and Angle’s first TNA match. In addition to that, Don announced that the main event had been confirmed just a few minutes ago as Christian Cage challenging Sting for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship! Per request of AJ Styles & Daniels, they will also be taking on the Briscoes in a tag team grudge match. “It’s live on PPV, folks. November 26th, TNA presents Genesis and you’re not gonna wanna miss it! Don’t forget to check TNAwrestling.com for more information as more matches are added to the card. And hey, while you’re on there, buy a couple of shirts!” Oh Don, you shameless whore. [86%]

4. It was a battle of contrasting personalities as the fun-loving Ron Killings took on Raven, who seemingly always has a sneer on his face. Truth’s unorthodox style caught Raven off-guard in the early goings, allowing Truth to control the bout and even take time out to play to the crowd. Raven quickly figured out Truth’s style as the match went on, however, and formulated a plan to counter it as he moved out of the way of an attempted Plancha to the outside. Truth hit the black mats with a hard thud but had no time to recover as Raven was on him immediately. From there, the match was pretty one-sided as Raven methodically picked Truth apart. The rapper tried to string together a comeback near the end but it was simply not enough as he found himself being planted by the Evenflow DDT to give Raven the victory. [75%]

- We go to the announce booth where Mike Tenay and Don West were doing their best job to put over the main event between “The Monster” Abyss and “The War Machine” Rhino. Wait. Tenay put his hand to his headset, indicating that that he was receiving some kind of important news. Tenay damn near marked out over the news that he gets and excitedly shared it with the TV viewers. “I’ve just received word that Kurt Angle has responded to Scott Steiner’s challenge. At Genesis, it WILL be the Olympic Gold Medalist taking on the former world champion Steiner!” [93%]

5. This week’s main event more closely resembled a fight than an actual wrestling match as Rhino and Abyss hammered away at each other. With James Mitchell standing at ringside shouting advice to his monster, Rhino found himself on the backfoot for most of this match. It wasn’t until a timely mistake by Abyss, running head-first into the ring post while trying to charge at Rhino, that the War Machine was really able to get anything going. Showing some impressive strength by planting Abyss with some Belly-to-Belly Suplexes, it seemed as if The Monster was stunned enough to be hit with the Gore. While Rhino was doing his usual set-up in the corner, his foot was grabbed by Mitchell from the outside! The ref was looking directly at it but shhhh, he wasn’t supposed to. Anyway, this distracted Rhino for a second but a second was all Abyss needed as the former ECW star was quickly yanked into a vicious Black Hole Slam! Three seconds later, Abyss had picked up the victory thanks to an assist from his handler. [81%]

- After kicking Rhino out of the ring, James Mitchell grabbed a mic and said that his monster was a rather simple creature. “He doesn’t want many things in this world. When he does want something, however, he NEEDS it.” According to Mitchell, Abyss has decided that he wants the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. And that means he NEEDS the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. “So, consider this an ultimatum. Me and my monster aren’t leaving this ring until he has a title shot at Genesis. If anybody has a problem with that...feel free to come down and make him move.”

The announcers freak out since the world title match at Genesis has already been set, obviously. For a couple of awkward minutes, Abyss just stood menacingly in the ring as Mitchell demanded that Cornette “waddle down the ramp” and give Abyss his title shot. Finally, somebody does come out to confront the dastardly duo but it’s not Cornette. Samoa Joe got one of the biggest reactions of the night as he entered the ring and grabbed a mic. Joe said that Mitchell might want to do some research since Abyss isn’t the only one around here that wants a world title shot. “I beat Jeff Jarrett when he was still champion and I still haven’t gotten my title match!” The Samoan Submission Machine said that he had been thinking of a way to get the shot but he thinks Mitchell is onto something. Because of that, Joe’s not leaving the ring until somebody gives HIM a title match at Genesis!

The fiery Samoan quickly dropped the mic and got right into Abyss' face, literally daring the monster to do something and make him leave. Mitchell, despite seeming confident in his monsters abilities earlier, begged Abyss not to engage Joe. Before things could escalate any further, Cornette finally came out. The southerner said that the world title match was already set for Genesis but he could offer the next best thing. A world title match at the December PPV, Turning Point. “Now, both of you have strong cases for getting that title match so here’s what I’m gonna do. At Genesis, it’s gonna be ‘The Monster’ Abyss versus ‘The Samoan Submission Machine’ Samoa Joe in a #1 Contender’s Match! Gentlemen, good luck to you both!”

The show went off the air with the announcers damn near busting a nut over the new match addition while Joe and Abyss had a tense staredown in the ring. You know, when I booked this angle, my thought process was that neither guy really had any viable opponents so this would be a good fit to the card. Once I actually saw the angle play out, something occurred to me. Who the f*** was I gonna have win this match!? Abyss’ character is supposed to be this bad ass monster so he shouldn’t be losing big matches. At the same time, Joe is being groomed for the Angle match and has that annoying ass undefeated streak. Somebody’s gonna get cut off at the legs but who is it gonna be?

...I’ve just booked myself into my first booking corner. Man, this TV booking stuff is harder than it looks. I kinda feel bad for going in on the WWE writers every Monday now. I gotta think of a plan.

Ok, I’ve got it. I’m gonna go to the pub, have a couple of pints, and wait for this all to blow over! [62%]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

November 23rd, 2006
TNA Impact! [74%]
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers Mike Tenay & Don West

- We get a cold open this week as Jim Cornette was in the ring with a mic. Getting straight to the point, Cornette announced that the X-Division title match at Genesis (LIVE on PPV in three days, BTW) will have an international flavor as champion Chris Sabin defends against Ultimo Guerrero! Some fans might be asking what exactly has Guerrero done to earn a title match since he debuted last week but those fans will be ignored because we really don’t have any better options for an X-title match right now. Yeah, the division’s kind of a hot mess right now but I can clean it up. Maybe. Anyway, out comes Robert Roode & Ms. Brooks. Roode demanded to know who his opponent will be tonight and became infuriated when Cornette told him that he still hadn’t found one. When the Management Director asked for more time, Roode threw a borderline tantrum and screamed at Cornette to find him a top-level opponent NOW! [77%]

- Thankfully, Cornette was spared hearing anymore from Roode’s big mouth due to NWA World Heavyweight Champion Sting coming out. You could actually see fans bowing for the legend during his entrance. The Stinger told Roode that even though he was the world champ, he actually didn’t have anything scheduled for tonight. “If you want to fight a top guy so bad, you might as well start at the very top!” Sting vs. Roode is set for tonight, daddy. [77%]

1. Jimmy Hart had no problem letting his voice be heard at ringside (even without the Megaphone) as The Briscoes had made their in-ring debut against The James Gang. I thought the Megaphone was a bit outdated so I had to put the ixnay on that. He was bummed out when I told him he couldn’t use it but he still did his best to seem excited at ringside as his boys worked over BG and Kip. The James Gang are the more experienced team but the Briscoes are younger, faster, and undoubtedly hungrier. It’s a competitive match but there was no real doubt who the better team was on this night when BG got pinned by a Shooting Star Press from Mark after taking a Jay Driller. Good TV match but I wish the old guys would put in a bit more effort. [***]

- Backstage, Team 3D were hanging out talking about breaking tables or something when Raven approached them. Raven spouts out some cryptic nonsense talking about death and doom and how Team 3D are super washed up. The Dudleys take offense to that last part and get all uppity with him. Long story short, this all lead to Raven challenging one of the Dudleys to meet him in the ring at Genesis. Bubba quickly accepted and we have another match for the PPV. Alrighty then. [84%]

2. Time for some hot, wet X-Division action as Frankie Kazarian took on the “debuting” (although this was technically a return but we’re not acknowledging his past) Jimmy Yang. Fun match here as Kazarian kept his offense grounded for the most part since he was the heel and let Yang have a chance to shine. Shine he did as Yang did a good job rallying fans behind him as the match went on before finishing off his standing opponent with a Moonsault. [***]

- We got another debuting superstar tonight as former reality TV star The Miz (WWE cut this cat a week before the taping and I knew I had to snatch him up. Miz is that dude) was backstage in catering getting some coffee. He was trying to spit some game at a blonde backstage assistant when he ended up bumping into Senshi by accident! Covered in scalding hot coffee, the former Low-Ki was understandably pissed at the rookie. “Do you know who I am!?”, angrily questioned Senshi. To his credit, Miz tried to apologize for his faux-pas but Senshi was having none of it as he verbally tore into the rookie in front of several members of the roster. The former reality star was visibly intimidated as Senshi told him that he was gonna beat some respect into him in front of the whole world at the PPV. Miz clearly didn’t want to accept the match but found himself persuaded to do so when Ki told him that the other option was that he break his jaw right then and there!

After Senshi walked away, Miz nervously looked around at the other superstars before chuckling to make it seem like he wasn’t about to piss his pants. “Hehe, I can totally take him. After all, how tough can he be? ...Oh my god, he’s gonna kill me!” [60%]

3. In preparation for his upcoming #1 Contender’s match against Abyss, Samoa Joe caught a body as he all but destroyed Petey Williams. The master of the Canadian Destroyer was given a chance to get in some of his signature moves but for the most part, this match was all Joe as he left Petey stunned after a flurry of palm strikes to the face. Wasting no time, Joe placed Williams onto the turnbuckle before bringing him crashing down with the Muscle Buster! The three count was purely academic after that. That Samoa Joe is one bad mama jamma. [***¼]

- We get a pre-taped promo from Christian Cage or “The Champ” as he called himself multiple times during the promo. Christian basically says that he’s gonna win the title on Sunday and take TNA to a new “boom period.” Christian says that as champ, he’s gonna “pop the ratings, raise the buyrates and make every damn town in this country!” How meta. Good promo but that’s mainly because Christian’s super charismatic. [75%]

4. Matches that will be taking place in three days are combined here as X-Division champ Chris Sabin teams with America’s Most Wanted to take on Ultimo Guerrero & LAX. The action in this one is fast and furious as these guys got lots of time to get all their shit in. It was really clunky at points (usually whenever Guerrero was in the ring with somebody from AMW since he’s not used to working the American style) but on the whole, it was a pretty decent match. In the end, Homicide and Hernandez decide to abandon their Hispanic partner and had no qualms watching on the ramp as AMW planted Guerrero with the Death Sentence to give their team the win. They managed to avoid taking a fall tonight but what will LAX do when the titles are on the line at Genesis? [**¾]

- Backstage, Kurt Angle cut a promo in the interview pit with Jeremy Borash. Or at least, he tried to before he was jumped from behind Scott Steiner! Borash screamed for help as Steiner put the boots to Angle before throwing him into several walls. The Genetic Freak had mounted Angle and was raining down punches when security finally came to pull him off. As he was being pulled away, Scott could be heard screaming, “THREE MORE DAYS, KURT! THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL YOU GET EXPOSED!” Borash frantically sent the show to a commercial break before calling for medical assistance for Kurt. [90%]

5. It was a battle of generations in the main event as the young up-and-comer Robert Roode took on NWA World Champion Sting in a non-title match. Although Roode had youth on his side, Sting was far more experienced and put that experience to good use as he controlled the early stages of the match. It was only after a brief distraction from Ms. Brooks that Roode was able to jump Sting from behind and change the momentum of the bout. Roode put in a good showing, getting in lots of nearfalls on the world champion and generally showing me what he can do when he’s in a main event situation. I liked what I saw and made a mental note that Roode could be one of the guys we build around in the future but in the present, we got a PPV to build up for so the Stinger had to fire up and make his big babyface comeback. The two went back-and-forth in the finishing stretch before Sting managed to trip up his opponent and slap on the Scorpion Deathlock! Within seconds, Roode was tapping out and Sting had earned himself a ticket to the pay windah. The show ended with Sting celebrating his victory in the ring as the announcers did one last hard sell for Genesis. Buy that shit, brah. [**¾]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

After my first three weeks of TV, it was time for my first PPV. While the TV shows were important in their own right, this show would be my first real test as a booker. If the show bombs, Dixie’s probably not gonna be all that confident in my creative vision going forward. It really does feel like I have one shot, one opportunity to seize everything I’ve wanted. The question is, will I capture it or will I let it slip? My knees are weak, arms are heavy. There’s no vomit on my sweater but I did just have some spaghetti. Also, I’m wearing a t-shirt because it’s f***ing Florida.

I’m sorry, I was bumping some Eminem earlier today. Still, you get the point. I needed this show to go well. As I was looking over the final card in my office before I gave the info to the people that work on our website, I felt confident in what I had put together but I was still going back and forth on some of the matches. One finish, in particular, I just knew was gonna rub some folks the wrong way but I just couldn’t think of any other way out of it. Hopefully though, there will be enough good stuff on here that people will still be happy with the show. If not, I will not hesitate to call people jabroni marks and Keyboard Kowboys in online arguments. Come on, it’s TNA. You really think I’ll be punished? lol.

CARD FOR GENESIS:

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Champ” CHRISTIAN CAGE (WWE can’t realistically copyright “the champ”, right? ...RIGHT!?) vs. “The Icon” STING ©

THE TNA WRESTLING DEBUT OF KURT ANGLE~!
“Big Poppa Pump” SCOTT STEINER vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE

NWA World Tag Team Championship
AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (James Storm & Chris Harris)(w/Gail Kim) vs. LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE(c) (w/Konnan)

X-Division Championship
ULTIMO GUERRERO vs. “The Future” CHRIS SABIN(c)

Winner Becomes #1 Contender to NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Monster” ABYSS (w/ James Mitchell) vs. “The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE

Tag Team Grudge Match
THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS

Taking It Back To 99’, Motherf***ers
RAVEN vs. BROTHER RAY

A Quest for Respect
SENSHI vs. MIKE “THE MIZ” MIZANIAN

Dark Match for Xplosion or Whatever
ROBERT ROODE (w/ Ms. Brooks) vs. “The War Machine” RHINO

---

Feel free to get in predictions if you want.

[Reflecto]

Sure thing...what's your prizes?

CARD FOR GENESIS:

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Champ” CHRISTIAN CAGE (WWE can’t realistically copyright “the champ”, right? ...RIGHT!?) vs. “The Icon” STING ©- You just gave him "the champ", that has to be a telltale sign.

THE TNA WRESTLING DEBUT OF KURT ANGLE~!
“Big Poppa Pump” SCOTT STEINER vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE- yeah, like Steiner's winning.

NWA World Tag Team Championship
AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (James Storm & Chris Harris)(w/Gail Kim) vs. LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE(c) (w/Konnan)- change is close enough to make it viable.

X-Division Championship
ULTIMO GUERRERO vs. “The Future” CHRIS SABIN(c)- To make him a big deal, fairly quick.

Winner Becomes #1 Contender to NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Monster” ABYSS (w/ James Mitchell) vs. “The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE- Just seems more likely.

Tag Team Grudge Match
THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS- See the X-Title match.

Taking It Back To 99’, Motherf***ers
RAVEN vs. BROTHER RAY- No clue.

A Quest for Respect
SENSHI vs. MIKE “THE MIZ” MIZANIAN- Really? Really?

Dark Match for Xplosion or Whatever
ROBERT ROODE (w/ Ms. Brooks) vs. “The War Machine” RHINO- Dark match, so who cares?

---

Feel free to get in predictions if you want.
[/quote]

[Malibu Albino]

“The Champ” CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. “The Icon” STING © - Sting wins, dude just won the title a month ago, at least let the legend hold it for another month or so before he gets murked by Joe or Angle.

“Big Poppa Pump” SCOTT STEINER vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE - Angle's got to win this.

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (James Storm & Chris Harris)(w/Gail Kim) vs. LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE(c) (w/Konnan) - LAX keep the belts because they are a kickass team to build a tag division around.

ULTIMO GUERRERO vs. “The Future” CHRIS SABIN(c) - Sabin may be "The Future" but Guerrero is the impressive new guy. Guerrero wins it to shake up the X Division.

“The Monster” ABYSS (w/ James Mitchell) vs. “The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE - Given how strong these two are booked I'm going to go with some schmozz finish. Either a double countout or double DQ something that sets them both up for title shots?

THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS - Briscoes are the newcomers and with Hart at ringside they'll manage a win.

RAVEN vs. BROTHER RAY - This is the weakest match on the card that isn't a dark match. I'll go with Ray because Reflecto also did.

SENSHI vs. MIKE “THE MIZ” MIZANIAN - Miz pulls off an upset! Go on kid, make yourself famous!

ROBERT ROODE (w/ Ms. Brooks) vs. “The War Machine” RHINO - Roode wins to keep his momentum going after that Sting match.

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

“The Champ” CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. “The Icon” STING © - As much as I'd love Cage (and despite him being younger by at least a decade), Sting wins here. Dude just got the belt last month, and I don't think you're willing to hotshot the title.

“Big Poppa Pump” SCOTT STEINER vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE - Angle's got this.

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (James Storm & Chris Harris)(w/Gail Kim) vs. LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE(c) (w/Konnan) - LAX keep the belts, Chris Harris gets fatter, and Storm ends up pushing a woman onto train tracks.

ULTIMO GUERRERO vs. “The Future” CHRIS SABIN(c) - Yeah, like we're giving it to the new guy. Sabin wins here.

“The Monster” ABYSS (w/ James Mitchell) vs. “The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE - Joe. Abyss goes on a rampage as a result.

THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS - Briscoes are looking strong while AJ and Daniels are better as opponents. Dem Briscoe Boys get the win.

RAVEN vs. BROTHER RAY - He's not Bully Ray just yet, so Raven gets the win.

SENSHI vs. MIKE “THE MIZ” MIZANIAN - Miz dies by double foot stomp through the chest.

ROBERT ROODE (w/ Ms. Brooks) vs. “The War Machine” RHINO - Roode wins because he's the young guy you can build around, not an ECW holdover.

[Brainbustaaah!]

CARD FOR GENESIS:

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Champ” CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. “The Icon” STING ©
Love me some Christian, but Sting's got to preserve his momentum.

THE TNA WRESTLING DEBUT OF KURT ANGLE~!
“Big Poppa Pump” SCOTT STEINER vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” KURT ANGLE
Angle wins by having a greater range of motion in his arms. Also, you don't chump out Kurt freakin' Angle in his debut.

NWA World Tag Team Championship
AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (James Storm & Chris Harris)(w/Gail Kim) vs. LATIN AMERICAN XCHANGE(c) (w/Konnan)
It might not be for long, but I see this being the upset title change of the night.

X-Division Championship
ULTIMO GUERRERO vs. “The Future” CHRIS SABIN(c)
Tighter match than anyone expects, but I gotta Hail Sabin here.

Winner Becomes #1 Contender to NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Monster” ABYSS (w/ James Mitchell) vs. “The Samoan Submission Machine” SAMOA JOE
Joe wins after Mitchell tries a fireball and it nails Abyss instead, to keep both men strong.

Tag Team Grudge Match
THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Dem Boys need the momentum, and the Phenomenal Angels haven't been played out yet in 2006.

Taking It Back To 99’, Motherf***ers
RAVEN vs. BROTHER RAY
In 2006, Raven was so much a hotter hand than Brother Ray. Now, if this were Bully vs. 2013 Raven? No contest.

A Quest for Respect
SENSHI vs. MIKE “THE MIZ” MIZANIN
Miz with an upset schoolboy, followed by Senshi turning his head into a fine mist.

Dark Match for Xplosion or Whatever
ROBERT ROODE (w/ Ms. Brooks) vs. “The War Machine” RHINO
Get the Canadian his heat back after that ME loss to Sting.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

Damn, didn't know this many people would predict, lol. I don't have a prize this time but I'll be sure to think of something for next month's PPV. Thanks for reading, guys, and I hope you enjoy Genesis as much as I enjoyed writing it!

---

0. As fans were filing into the building at the last minute (you hoes better be buying merch0, Robert Roode and Rhino continued what they had started on Impact a couple of weeks ago in a hard hitting dark match. There were far more punches than wrist locks in this one even though Rhino did get a chance to show off his rarely used technical ability to to do some chain wrestling in the early goings. He’s no Bryan Danielson but he does know some basic sequences. Still, this wasn’t meant to be The War Machine’s night as Roode caught him off guard with the Northern Lariat before finishing him with the Payoff for a surprisingly clean victory. The match was pretty solid but the best part of this match was Ms. Brooks bouncing up and down as she celebrated with Roode in the ring.

TNA Genesis [77%]
November 26th, 2006
LIVE from the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

Match #1
X-Division Championship
Ultimo Guerrero vs. Chris Sabin ©

What better way to start off a PPV than some fast paced action that only the X-Division can provide? I flat out told these guys that I was hoping for a stellar match to start off the show and it looks like they heard me loud & clear as they start moving at a lightning quick pace as soon as the bell rings.There’s plenty of spectacular moves but there is a story connecting them as Guerrero clearly did his homework before this big title match. He seemingly has a counter for nearly everything Sabin does. One of my favorite spots is when Sabin goes for a Hurricarana off the top rope but Guerrero sees it coming and quickly grabs onto to the ropes to stop himself from going. In a impressive feat of strength, he then muscles Sabin up and sends him crashing into the match with a powerbomb! Amazingly, Sabin finds a way to kick out of it.

Even though he struggles for most of the match, Sabin is a champion for a reason and he proves it tonight as he strings together a combination of moves that the CMLL regular was clearly not ready for, culminating in hitting the Cradle Shock for three! Excellent opener. Might have actually been a bit too good as it’s gonna be hard for others to follow this. But hey, the fun is in trying, right? [****¼]

Match #2
Senshi vs. Mike “The Miz” Mizanin

On paper, this looks more like an execution than an actual match and it plays out like that as Senshi just beats the piss out of poor Miz. I honestly can’t tell if his chest blistering from the chops or the kicks. You can even see a tear in his eye as the camera zooms in on him selling. Despite getting in virtually no offense, Miz refuses to give up. Every time Senshi knocks him down, he gets up just to take more punishment. On pin attempts where even the announcers are suggesting that he should just let his shoulders be pinned, Miz kicks out. The ref even considers stopping it at one point but Miz keeps getting back up, ready to fight. Senshi clearly enjoyed dragging the beating out at first but he’s getting frustrated as the match goes on. He screams at Miz to just to stay down but Miz refuses.

Trying to bring the match to end, Ki tries to hook Miz for a Dragon Suplex but Miz struggles, doing his damndest not to go up for the move. Senshi does get him up for the move but he doesn’t get all of it as Miz’s weight ends up awkwardly crashing down on Ki’s shoulder! Immediately, Senshi winces in and snatches at his shoulder, indicating that he’s injured.

Refusing medical assistance, Senshi decides to shake out the pain but The Miz realizes that this is essentially his only chance at victory. The former reality star pounces on Senshi, raining down blows before catching him with a Running Knee to the side of the temple. With Ki clearly stunned, Miz bounces off the ropes and catches Senshi with a Neckbreaker! 1,2, NO! The fans actually start to rally behind Miz (they were silent for most of the match, only cheering particularly nasty strikes from Low-Ki) as the rookie shakes his fists in fiery babyface fashion to hype himself up. He bounces off the ropes again only for Ki to lift him up in the air and catch him with a brutal kick on the way down! That looks to be the kick to have finally put out Miz’s lights but Senshi is looking to make a statement tonight. After shaking out his arm one more time, he slaps on a Dragon Sleeper forcing the ref to finally step in and stop the match. No arm check or anything, Miz is clearly out. As a match, this was actually kinda bad since Miz is super green. Fans were starting to get behind Miz at the end though, which was really why I booked this match. So congrats marks, you just worked yourself into a shoot. Or something. [**]

Match #3
Tag Match
The Briscoes (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels

This is the Briscoes' PPV debut and they couldn’t ask for more high-profile opponents than two guys considered the heart and soul of the company, AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels. It looks like these guys took the opener as a personal challenge as they are going HAM in this one. There’s so many cool looking tag team moves that it’s actually impossible for me to list them all. With the lights on bright, The Briscoes are looking to impress both myself and the fanbase. Styles & Daniels are clearly happy to give them that spotlight as they give the newcomers lots of offense, not being afraid to take big bumps to make their opponents look good. They are giving more than their fair share of licks in return though. Styles almost secures the victory with a Styles Clash on Jay but Mark is there in the nick of time to make the save. The finish comes down to Daniels going for the BME but he winds up getting shoved off the top by Jay and goes crashing into the metal guardrail! Alone in the ring, AJ tries to hold his own but he doesn’t last long before he’s hoisted up for the Springboard Doomsday Device.Three seconds later, the Briscoes win in what has to be considered an upset! Not quite as good as the opener but great match nonetheless. [****]

Match #4
Brother Ray (w/ Brother Devon) vs. Raven

THEY BE BRAWLIN’, BRAWLIN’, BRAWLIN’. No joke, I don’t think there was a single wrestling hold used in this match. This is a fight, nothing else, and it doesn’t go very long before something screwy happens. While Bubba and Raven are going at it in the ring, Devon is attacked by somebody that hopped the rail. Hey, that’s no ordinary fan. That’s Masato Tanaka! He doesn’t even go here! Either way, he sends Devon into the ring post head-first, actually drawing blood. Bubba sees what’s happening to his brother and tries to help but Raven uppercuts him right in the dick (the ref not seeing it due to being focused on the commotion going on outside) and delivers an Evenflow DDT.

Raven picks up the win tonight but that’s not the big story here as Tanaka rolls Devon into the ring along with a couple of chairs. Raven & Tanaka lay waste to the Dudleys, leaving both men a bloody mess. Just to add insult (and, well, more injury) to injury, Raven tells Tanaka to get the table and together, they put Bubba through the table with a Super Powerbomb! We may not know why Tanaka is here but we know one thing. He ain’t f***ing with Team 3D. [***¼]

Match #5
NWA World Tag Team Championship
America’s Most Wanted (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Latin American Xchange © (w/Konnan)

The tag straps are up for grabs here as AMW are not only going for tag glory but also revenge for Gail Kim getting sent flying into a wall courtesy of a Border Toss from Hernandez. Fueled by that desire for revenge, AMW have LAX on the backfoot for several minutes as they aren’t giving the champs any chance to breathe or perhaps rethink their strategy. Konnan tries to get involved but Gail Kim is right there to neutralize him, even hitting him with a Hurricarana off the apron! With things looking dire, Homicide is forced to go outside the rulebook as he yanks James Storm’s tights on a roll-up. The ref doesn’t see it and he makes the three count! AMW came close tonight but LAX are still your NWA World Tag champs. [***]

Match #6
Winner Becomes #1 Contender to NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Samoan Submission Machine” Samoa Joe vs. “The Monster” Abyss (w/ James Mitchell)

A December match with whoever the world champion is awaits the winner of this one. Both men are known for being destructive forces but with the stakes this high, this nearly resembles a Godzilla monster fight. Abyss has the clear size advantage but Joe is the better striker and of course, he has the deadly Coquina Clutch. Joe tries to get the choke on several times over the course of the match but he just can’t get Abyss in a vulnerable position. On what has to be the 3rd or 4th attempt, Abyss is in serious danger of the choke being applied but he listens to the advice from his handler, James Mitchell, and backs up into the turnbuckle repeatedly to force Joe to let go. Abyss begins rocking Joe with thunderous blows in the corner but he isn’t listening to the ref’s instructions to let the Samoan out of the corner. He smells blood in the water and it doesn’t look like he’s gonna stop! Again and again, the ref tells him to let Joe out of the corner before physically trying to separate the two. Of course, this fails as Abyss just tosses the puny ref to the side before going back to attacking Joe. Mitchell is screaming at his monster to show some restraint but it’s too late. The ref is calling for the bell, ruling this a DQ victory for Joe! The fans are PISSED at this admittedly shitty finish but this is the best I could come up with. You guys are getting Kurt Angle in a little bit, quit hatin’.

Abyss looks confused when the bell rings but he quickly realizes what has happened and he does not look pleased with the ref. The zebra tries to plead his case but Abyss ain’t trying to hear that tonight as he plants the ref with a Black Hole Slam! Mitchell is in the ring trying to calm his monster down but it’s too late as he tries to finish the job he started with Joe. He doesn’t realize what a goon his rival is, however, as Joe hops back up STRONG STYLE~! and delivers a bunch of stiff palm strikes to Abyss’ face. Abyss is soon sent to the outside by a Running Yakuza Kick from Joe as a cavalcade of refs, agents, and security geeks flood the ring and the ringside area in a desperate attempt to separate these two. Abyss is tearing up all kinds of shit at ringside as Mitchell yells at him to chill out. It takes a hard slap to the face from Mitchell for Abyss to finally settle down and head to the back peacefully, choosing to settle his beef with Joe some other day. As Joe tells the camera that he’ll be watching the main event closely and the ref that got killed is helped out the ring, the announcers speculate on what kind of hold Mitchell has on Abyss to be able to control The Monster like he just did. [***¼]

Match #7
“Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner vs. “The Olympic Gold Medalist” Kurt Angle

Aw shit, son. It’s time for the TNA in-ring debut of Kurt motherf***ing Angle as he comes out to the biggest reaction of the night. No joke, my hearing might be a little damaged. You know he wants to make a good impression in his first match but standing in his way is the Big Bad Booty Daddy, Scott Steiner. There’s no ring introduction for Angle in this one as Steiner jumps him in the ring before he can even take off his fancy ring jacket, choking him with it for a few seconds much to the ref’s disdain. The match hasn’t even officially started yet but Steiner bullies the ref into calling for the bell despite the dirty tactics, leaving Angle in a bad way. There’s lots of flexin’ for the gram’ from Big Poppa Pump as he poses after nearly every Suplex he hits on Angle. That posing may have cost him as Angle manages to slip behind Scott on a Belly-to-Belly Suplex attempt and plant him with a German Suplex of his own. From there, Angle takes total control of the match, giving Steiner his receipt for all those suplexes and then some. As Angle pulls down his straps after an Olympic Slam, everybody in the building knows what’s coming next. Steiner desperately scrambles for the ropes for a few seconds once he’s trapped in the Ankle Lock but he’s forced to admit defeat and taps out! Angle picks up the dominant win in his debut match! The whole thing went six minutes, maybe, but the fans saw Angle catch a body and that’s all they wanted. [***]

Match #8
NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Champ” Christian Cage vs. “The Icon” Sting ©

Some could make an argument that the world title match was overshadowed on this show by the debut of Kurt Angle but hey, what can I say? I’d feel bad if I didn’t put the world title match on last. Christian calls himself “The Champ” but he’s not actually the champ until he beats “the man” Sting. As the match progresses, it’s obvious that Christian is the younger man as he’s far more agile and leaves Sting in several vulnerable positions throughout the match. What Sting does have on his side is experience which he puts to good use by capitalizing on mistakes. Captain Charisma doesn’t make many mistakes but the champ (the actual champ, that is) makes the most of every single one of them. Sting also shows impressive conditioning as the match hits the 20 minute mark. Even though his face paint is smudged and smeared, he’s still going strong.

After getting a nearfall off a Frog Splash, Christian goes for the Unprettier but Sting rolls him up with a Schoolboy. Christian manages to get out of that but is completely unprepared when Sting ducks under his Clothesline and hits the Scorpion Death Drop! One, two, three! Sting has retained the title! The PPV broadcast ends with the Stinger holding up the belt with pride as Joe appeared on the stage, applauding the champ while also letting him know what awaits him next month. The match itself was just ok for a PPV main event but the fans were hot for it the entire way through. [***]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

It was the Monday after the PPV and I had just gotten the preliminary buy rate for Genesis thrown on my desk. Not bad, honestly. ...Not great by any stretch of the imagination but it’s roughly the average number for a TNA B PPV. Dixie seemed happy enough with the number when I talked with her about it this morning. “Don’t worry, Sug. I know that it takes time to build a brand. This time next year, we’re gonna be doing bigger numbers than WWE’s PPV!” Beat WWE? Girl, what have you been smoking? We need to be an alternative, not a competitor. Of course, I didn’t say that aloud since I wanted to keep my job so I spouted off some nonsense talking about “WWE’s shook cause ain’t no such thing as half-way crooks.”

After sucking up to her and killing another piece of my soul, I not-so-subtlety hinted to Dixie that I wanted to get another TV show. “Don’t get me wrong, a primetime slot on Spike is nothing to stick your nose up at but we got a good sized roster. It’s hard to feature all of the guys I want and give them the exposure that they need.” It would also give me an excuse to hire some new guys but shhh, she doesn’t need to know about that part yet. Dixie told me that she’d talk to Spike and see what she can do. Get that TV show, sugar mama.

Dixie: “Anything else?”

Magic: “Yeah, one more thing.” I told her about the importance of expansion and how we need to take some risks to really grow. I asked her for permission to do what I wanted, not thinking there was a snowball’s chance in hell she’d say yes. Much to my surprise, I heard some papers being shuffled on the other end before she said yes. BRAH.

Dixie: “Sug, I want to make it clear that I have faith in your ability to lead this company to new heights. If you think it’s a good idea, it’s worth a try. I haven’t known you for very long at all but there’s just something about you. You’re like a young Denzel Washington. Intelligent, charismatic, well-spoken, handsome, gorgeous eyes that I could just stare into all day…”

Magic: “I’m sorry, what?”

Dixie: “Oh, uh, nothing! I gotta go sug, Serg needs help with something!” *hangs up*

Hmm. I wonder what that meant. I mean, I’d heard the rumors about Dixie having a little case of jungle fever but she couldn’t really be like that...could she? I can’t worry about that now, I gotta move fast if I want my plan to work out.

Magic: “Sophie! Find me a good sized building in the area that can hold a few thousand people to rent out. Our January PPV is heading outside the Impact Zone!”

---

From TNAWrestling.com:

BREAKING NEWS: Management Director Jim Cornette strips Samoa Joe of #1 Contender Status; TNA Final Resolution heading outside the Impact Zone

Genesis was a very successful PPV event for TNA but it wasn’t without some controversy as Samoa Joe won his #1 Contender’s match against Abyss via DQ after Abyss became physical with the referee. There has been an outcry from fans since the event, claiming that it’s a disgrace to the great legacy of the NWA World Heavyweight Championship for a #1 contender to be decided in that fashion. Management Director Jim Cornette has heard the fans and he agrees.

TNAWrestling.com is reporting that effective immediately, Samoa Joe is no longer the #1 contender to the NWA World Championship! A new #1 contender will be decided on Impact in a 20 man over-the-top-rope Battle Royal. Cornette was quoted as saying that this is meant to be a chance for people on the roster to step up. “If you’ve ever felt that you’ve been overlooked by myself and other members of management or that you’ve never been given a fair shake for whatever reason, now is your chance. Step up and TAKE your opportunity! It’s right there waiting for you, it’s up to you to prove that you deserve it.”

Cornette wouldn’t reveal the full list of competitors in the battle royal but he did give us several names. Samoa Joe, Abyss, Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, Scott Steiner, Ron Killings and Austin Starr have been confirmed for the match but you’ll have to tune into Impact on Thursday at 9/8 c on Spike TV to find out the rest of the field!

In other news, TNAWrestling.com can confirm that the Final Resolution PPV, set to take place on January 28th, will NOT be taking place in the Impact Zone. Instead, the event will be held at the LMNT in Miami, FL. Seating up to 3,000 fans, the LMNT is a quality venue that should make for a great atmosphere at Final Resolution! Tickets go on sale this Friday so make sure to get yours before they run out!

---

Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s a total bait and switch with the #1 contender thing but hey. At least I didn’t have the world title change hands on a DQ. Oh yeah, did I mention that stupid rule is gone? Because f*** that rule. The times, they are a-changing kids.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

TNA Impact! [71%]
November 30th, 2006
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

1. If you like squashes, you’d love the opening match for this show as Robert Roode finished off BG James in roughly 5 minutes. Kip James tried to cheer on his partner from ringside but it made no difference as a Northern Lariat spelled the end for TAFKA Road Dogg. After the match, Ms. Brooks cut a promo for her client where she promised that he would win the battle royal because “it pays to be Roode.” How corny. [68%]

- A terrified Jeremy Borash seemed hesitant to ask Samoa Joe about his #1 contender status being stripped by Jim Cornette due to fear of any possible outbursts from the vicious Samoan. Joe was surprisingly calm when asked about it though the fire was clear in his voice as he spoke. He said that he’s had to deal with people putting glass ceilings over his head throughout his entire career and this is no different. He’s not gonna scream or cry about it, he’s gonna do the same thing that he’s always done. “Shatter that ceiling and destroy anybody stupid enough to try and stop me!” [78%]

2. Another squash here as A-1 never really got out of the starting blocks against Rhino. A couple of Clotheslines, a Spinebuster, a Belly-to-Belly Suplex, all capped off by a Gore and this one is over. I honestly forgot A-1 existed but we needed some warm bodies to job on this show so why not get some use out of him? [64%]

- The announcers send us to a video showing what happened between AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels following their loss to the Briscoes at Genesis. AJ was resting on a bench in the locker room with an ice-pack on his neck when Daniels came in. The Fallen Angel apologized profusely because he wasn’t there to break up the pin for AJ but Styles told him not to worry, insisting that you can’t win em’ all and that the Briscoes were simply the better team tonight. Daniels wouldn’t let it go, insisting that he wasn’t there for his friend when he needed him most. “It just feels like I let the team down tonight. Just like I let us down at Bound For Glory.”

Again, AJ tried to tell his friend to relax but Daniels continued. “You’re the one that’s been NWA World Champion before. You’ve proven that you are in the top 1% of talent in TNA. I...I think I’m holding you back, AJ.” AJ said that was nonsense but Daniels seemed convinced of it as he told AJ that he was taking some time away from TNA so he can figure out a career direction where he’s “not a burden to his best friend.” Daniels stormed out of the office without another word as AJ could only look sad on the bench at his friend’s retreating back. [71%]

3. There were high spots galore in this 4-Corner match between CIMA, Frankie Kazarian, Austin Starr, and Jerry Lynn. The big story here was Kevin Nash hanging around ringside to cheer on Austin Starr, the winner of his whacky X-Division invitational at BFG. The match itself ended up being pretty good as they were plenty of cool spots that had the fans (and myself, honestly) going “ooohh” and “AHH!” There was even a “This is Awesome!” chant at one point. It was really anybody’s match to win but in the end, it was a Brainbuster from Austin Starr to Jerry Lynn that resulted in the Vascular Vegetarian getting his hand raised. This has to serve as a confidence booster for Starr going into the battle royal later tonight! [71%]

- TO THE BACK~! Jim Cornette looked like he was filing papers or some other important management-like stuff when LAX burst into the office. Flanked by Homicide & Hernandez, Konnan was on that braggadocious rap shit as he told Cornette that he needed to set aside some air time so he could have a fiesta for his men~! They proved that they are the best tag team in the world on Sunday (conveniently never mentioning that they cheated to win) and there needed to be a celebration in their honor. While not using these exact words, Cornette basically told them to f*** off because tonight’s show was already booked full and he wasn’t about to waste time on next week’s show for this foolishness. K-Dawg was super salty at this and couldn’t believe that this “honky” wasn’t showing LAX the respect that they deserve. “Do you know who we are, puto?” Cornette told them to leave one more time or else he’d be forced to have security escort them out. The tag champs looked ready to fight but K-Dawg relented and agreed to go, leaving an ominous warning for Cornette. “You gonna learn to respect us, Jim. You best believe that.” Oh my… [73%]

4. On paper, I’m sure not many people expected Senshi vs. Eric Young to last more than a few minutes but sure enough, that’s what happened. Young gave Senshi a run for his money, doing a good job of avoiding his deadly strikes and utilizing his own mat knowledge to keep pace with the World Warrior. The match looked like it was heading towards the finishing stretch as both men exchanged inside cradles to try and get the pin when the bell rang. Both men were clearly confused until the announcer informed everybody that the 15-minute time limit had expired and the match had been declared a draw. The fans were not happy about that and neither were the competitors but EY decided to be a good sport about it. He extended his hand to Ki but Senshi was like “nah, I’m straight brah” and just walked past EY without another glance. What a dick. [70%]

- With the NWA World title hanging off his shoulder, Sting cut a short promo backstage where he basically said that it didn’t matter to him who wins the battle royal tonight. All he knows is whoever wins “better be ready for SHOWTIME at Turning Point!” [86%]

5. In one of those matches that’s not quite a squash but isn’t far off, America’s Most Wanted picked up a decisive victory against Paparazzi Productions. Alex Shelley actually wrestled pretty well throughout the match but it was Devine that ended up costing his team as he made several costly mistakes that eventually resulted in him getting hit with the Death Sentence and his team losing. After the match, Shelley helped his partner back up to his feet in a seemingly nice gesture. It turned out to be not-so-nice as Shelly then ran up the ropes and hit Devine with a Sliced Bread #2! Based off the naughty words Shelly yelled down at Devine, I take it to mean that these two won’t be teaming up anymore. Sorry Devine but I got plans for this cat. [73%]

- Backstage, Ms. Brooks was giving her man one last pep talk before Robert Roode told her that his throat was dry. Being a dutiful manager, she went to go get her man some water from catering but bumped into Ron Killings on her way there. Eyeing Brooks up and down, Killings asked why Brooks was with that “boring cornball” Roode. “If you really want to be managing the future of this business, you’d hook up with the baddest young brother to step foot in this game. Ron Killings!” He might be trying to smash as well but shh, he’s not gonna say that. Brooks looked like she had no interest in humoring Truth but that didn’t stop Killings from trying to get her to jump ship. Roode finally showed up after wondering where his manager was only to fly into a rage when he saw Truth talking to her. “Ms. Brooks only has time for one client and that’s me!”, he yelled before snatching Ms. Brooks by the hand and literally dragging her away from Killings. [63%]

6. It’s main event time! Abyss, AJ Styles, Alex Shelly, Austin Starr, Christian Cage, Eric Young, Frankie Kazarian, Jay Lethal, Kurt Angle, Masato Tanaka, Puma, Raven, Rhino, Robert Roode, Ron Killings, Samoa Joe, Scott Steiner, Senshi, The Miz, & Ultimo Guerrero were all fighting for an NWA World Heavyweight title match in this explosive over-the-top-rope battle royal. I’m not even gonna try to describe all the action but there are a few key points that you guys should know. For one, Senshi and EY essentially continued their match here before they were both eliminated after EY clotheslined both men to the outside. Even though they were eliminated, officials had to separate the two as they were still going at it.

Another notable aspect was that Raven & Masato Tanaka established their alliance by working together to eliminate Puma and Frankie Kazarian. We still don’t know why these two have aligned together but it doesn’t particularly matter here as Kurt Angle ended up eliminating both of them with Suplexes! Having previously eliminated Lethal, Guerrero,& Steiner earlier in the match, Angle was pretty hype to have eliminated ¼ of the field all by himself. He was a bit too hype as he didn’t spot Starr sneaking up behind him before dumping him to the outside! Austin Starr just eliminated Kurt f***ing Angle!!! Even Starr looked to be in disbelief at first but quickly reverted back to being a cocky cocky heel as he bragged to the fans about eliminating “their hero.”

Anyway, the match came down to Christian, Abyss, & Samoa Joe as the last three competitors. Lots of wacky 3-way spots where guys almost got sent over the top rope but managed to save themselves at the last minute. Abyss eventually rolled outside of the ring under the ropes (meaning he’s not eliminated) to regain his bearings after a particularly brutal kick to the side of the head from Joe. This left Joe and Christian to go at it in the ring for a couple minutes before Joe finally managed to muscle “The Champ” over the ropes. Uh oh, Abyss is back in! He grabbed Joe from behind and lifted him up for Shock Treatment but Joe was fighting like a mother to get out of it!

Abyss was forced to drop him as Joe bounced off the ropes only to be caught by a Big Boot! Joe was clearly stunned as he leaned on the ropes for support before taking another Big Boot! This one sent him over the top rope and just like that, Abyss became the #1 Contender to Sting’s title. The match was kinda a mess but eh. Most battle royals are. At least I set up the next PPV main event. The broadcast ended with James Mitchell posing with his monster as the announcers speculated on how Sting would be able to handle this massive challenge to his title reign. [68%]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

TNA Impact! [78%]
December 7th, 2006
TAPED from the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

- We get a cold opening this week as the show started off with James Mitchell, backed up by his monster Abyss, cutting a promo on Sting from an undisclosed location. You ever seen a Bray Wyatt promo? This is kinda like that with Mitchell saying lots of vague dark stuff that doesn’t make a ton of sense but sounds scary. The gist of the promo is that Sting’s time as champion is coming to an end on December 31st and 2007 would be the year of The Monster! Mitchell let out a sinister laugh as the show cut to the opening credits. [72%]

1. The opening match of the evening was clearly set to involve Mike “The Miz” Mizanin as he was warming up in the ring. Nobody knew who his opponent was though until he walked out from behind the curtain to a substantial pop. The Miz looked like he damn near wet himself as Monty Brown stomped down the ramp and got in the ring. The former reality star did his best but his best wasn't anything close to enough as Brown absolutely manhandled him. Bruised and battered, Miz will never forget the night he faced Mr. Brown as a vicious Pounce put the poor guy out of his misery. After winning his return match, Brown snatched a mic away from a ringside geek and said that Monty Brown was dead. “Ya’ll are looking at Marcell Cor Von, a man reborn!” Yep, he’s getting a name change. Why? ...Well, you’ll find out later. Still, I’m pleased with how this went down as the fans gave Cor Von a better reaction than I was expecting. [62%]

2. Guess who decided to get uppity with me because he hasn’t been winning on TV recently? If you guessed Kip James, you must be a wizard. He barged into my office whining about how The James Gang is the most over team in the company and they needed to be groomed for a tag title feud with LAX. I thought I took a time machine back to 2006, not 1998? Kip made such a convincing argument that I immediately switched around the card for this taping so they can catch another L. Raven & Masato Tanaka dominated the former WWF Tag Champs from start to finish before Kip was hit with the Raven Effect to award them the victory. Never question my authority, f*** boy. [78%]

- After their match, Raven & Masato Tanaka stayed in the ring to explain their Alliance to End Dudleyville. Raven basically said that a few months ago, he took a trip to the Land of the Rising Sun and had a lengthy conversation with Tanaka. He speaks Japanese, who knew? Anyway, Raven said that he helped Tanaka “see the light” and understand that Raven’s guidance could take him to new heights. “He had gone a bit soft over the past couple of years. I knew that I could help rediscover his inner killer!” Raven outright called the Dudleys pawns in a greater chess game and said that he & Tanaka were gonna use them to set an example to the rest of the wrestling world. “Quote Serotonin, nevermore.” [88%]

- Backstage, Kevin Nash was hyping Austin Starr’s head as he got ready for what is easily the biggest match of his career so far against Kurt Angle later on tonight. Nash reminded Starr that he was the winner of the Kevin Nash X-Division invitational, a former “indie wrestling champion” (Christ, you couldn’t even remember the letters ROH, Nash?), and “a real snazzy dresser, in my humble opinion.” More importantly, he was the guy that sent Kurt freaking Angle over the top rope last week! He’s totally got Kurt’s number, according to Nash. “He’s scared, Austin, I’m telling ya. Kurt knows that he’s on the down slope while you are only just starting your rise to the top!”

Starr rubbed his hands together like Birdman as Nash continued to ride his nuts as the camera panned out to reveal Alex Shelly pouting in the corner. Considering that he used to be Nash’s “young boy”, it looked like Shelly was feeling some type of way about Daddy Nash paying more attention to Starr than him. Shelly tried to interrupt Nash as he spoke, telling him that he ALSO wrestled on the indies and won way more titles than Starr. Nash didn’t want to hear it, however, and told Shelly to work on those Bob Backlund-style squats he taught him while he gave Starr some more advice. Disheartened, Shelly left the room as Starr mockingly waved goodbye. [78%]

3. Making his debut on this show, Jimmy Jacobs put on a pretty good showing against Ultimo Guerrero in a match billed as X-Division action. With his relatively small stature (even for the X-Division) and babyfaced good looks, it didn’t take long for fans to rally behind him as he did a solid job of keeping up with Guerrero’s intricate Lucha holds and busted out a few dives of his own. Women, in particular, really seemed to be into him as you could hear a few high pitch screams as he made a comeback after being on the defensive for several minutes. Unfortunately, not everybody can win their debut match and that’s the case here as a Guerrero Special from the top rope was enough to put Jacobs down for three and help Guerrero rebound from his loss at Genesis. Good match to introduce fans to Jimmy though. [73%]

- After a commercial break, the show came back to a hype video for the returning D-LO BROWN!!! Yes sir, TNA is about to be Down with the Brown once again as the video informed us that he’s coming back “next week.” And yes, this is why Monty had to change his name. What can I say? I don’t like having two dudes with the same last name on the roster when they aren’t supposed to be related and am very OCDish about that sorta thing. [75%]

4. In Kurt Angle’s in-ring debut on TNA TV, he and Austin Starr actually had a pretty competitive match. Angle was nice enough to give Starr plenty of offense in an effort to give the young star (no pun intended) a rub by going toe-to-toe with a guy that was in a world title match at Wrestlemania earlier in the year. He even let Starr kick out of three consecutive German Suplexes before kicking out of Starr’s signature Brainbuster. With Kevin Nash shouting rather useless advice from ringside, Starr tried to muscle Angle up for another Brainbuster but he’s lost his muthaf***ing mind if he thinks Angle is about to job on free TV. The Olympic Gold Medalist escaped the move and hit the Olympic Slam to send Starr to the showers. [79%]

- It’s now TO THE BACK~! where Jeremy Borash did his best to shill the upcoming house show circuit. He’s no Don West but he’s not bad. He also put over an autograph signing that X-Division champ Chris Sabin is doing at some local comic book shop later in the week. Sabin bought me a drink the other night so you know I had to pay mah big homie back by letting him read comics and talk nerd shit while getting paid for it. Anyway, Scott Steiner popped into the camera frame to ask why Borash was talking about that “little dweeb” Sabin instead of talking to a real man like Steiner about how much ass he was gonna beat in the main event tonight. When Borash replied that Sabin was the X-Division champion, Steiner screamed, “Who cares about those vanilla midgets!?” Steiner said that the X-Division was nothing but stuntmen and gymnasts. “Not a single person in that division could hold a candle to a real wrestler like Big Poppa Pump!” Steiner rambled incoherently for a bit before stumbling off the set, presumably towards the ring since he has to wrestle in the main event. [78%]

5. In a star-studded TV main event, Christian Cage, Robert Roode, & Scott Steiner joined forces to take on three of the most popular superstars in the company, AJ Styles, Rhino & NWA World Champion Sting. This one was hard for the ref to control as guys were fighting all over the place, both inside and outside the ring. Hell, Steiner and Rhino were brawling in the crowd for a bit. The ref just kinda shrugged his shoulders and let it slide because shut up, don’t think about it that hard, just watch all the fighting. They brawl and brawl and brawl before finally, the match broke down into a traditional tag match with regular tags and stuff. The smallest man on his team, Styles was clearly the main target of the rudo team as they refused to let him tag his partners in and get any kind of breather. Styles fought his hardest but 3-on-1 is a fight that no man can win. All hope seemed lost until Styles managed to land on his feet during a Back Body Drop attempt and make the tag to Rhino! The War Machine was the proverbial House En Fuego as he eventually forced the heels to come in at the same time just to try and slow him down. Of course, Rhino’s partners weren’t gonna let that slide so they came back in the ring and before the ref could do a thing, the brawling had started up again. When the smoke cleared, Sting caught Christian with a Scorpion Death Drop before tagging in AJ to deliver the finishing blow. Spiral Tap! That’s a wrap on this one. [78%]

- You'd think the show would be over after that but not quite. The camera cut to the announce booth where Don West & Mike Tenay were trying to wrap up the show and send it to the end credits. Before they could finish, they suddenly got some noise in their headsets that informed them something was going on in the back and they needed to get a camera back there RIGHT NOW! After a few seconds, we see a camera running around in what looks to be the parking lot. The camera’s very shaky for several seconds before focusing on...what the hell? LAX is beating the hell out of Kurt Angle! With both of Kurt’s arms being held by Homicide and Hernandez, Konnan was free to tee off on Angle’s forehead with punches from a chain-wrapped fist.

The Wrestling Machine’s face was covered in blood as Konnan told his boys to “finish the job.” On cue, Hernandez hoisted Angle up and delivered a horrific Border Toss onto the hood of a car! Angle’s unconscious body slowly rolled off the car and hit the cold concrete with a hard splat, leaving a trail of blood down the car hood. Complimenting his men on a job well done, he told his crew that they had to “bounce before the Po Po showed up.” The thugs quickly fled the scene as the show went off the air with the final image being Angle laying face down in a pool of his own blood. “For the love of God, somebody call an ambulance for the Olympic Gold Medalist”, cried Tenay. [88%]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

TNA Impact! [73%]
December 14th, 2006
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

- The show started off with a video recap of last week’s Impact, focusing on the vicious beat down Kurt Angle suffered at the hands of LAX in the parking lot. After the opening credits had rolled and the announcers ran down the card, the banditos showed that they don’t have much fear as they casually strolled down the ramp to massive boos from the crowd. After riling up the crowd even more with some insults in Spanish, Konnan reminded everybody that his boys were the NWA Tag Team Champions of the World!

“That should mean something, don’t you think? Mr. Cornette apparently didn’t think so. He disrespected us two weeks ago when he brushed us off like we were some worthless perros! Well, growing up on the streets, I learned a very important life lesson. If people aren’t giving you respect, that means you gotta go out and EARN that respect. So, that’s what we did last week. We left everybody’s favorite gringo, Kurt Angle, a broken man. His kids had to see their daddy covered in his own blood! That blood is on your hands, Cornette. You made us do this. We’re gonna keep destroying your little white favorites until you give us the respect that we deserve.”

Konnan looked ready to continue with his ranting but he was interrupted by Samoa Joe, much to the surprise of the announcers. The brotha is Samoan, what’s he got to do with white favorites? Joe said that in a sense, he can appreciate the idea of going to any length to make a point. In fact, if they had attacked literally anybody else on the roster, Joe would probably be applauding them right now for taking care of their business. “Unfortunately, in this case, your business just so happens to conflict with MY business.”

The Samoan explained that he had actually been in talks with TNA Management about making a match between him and Kurt Angle at Turning Point on December 31st. The match was close to being confirmed...until all this went down. “When you attacked Kurt Angle, you put my match with him on hold. I don’t appreciate that. Make no mistake about it, I got no love for Angle. The first thing he did when he got here was headbutt me. I may not like Kurt but I don’t like people stopping me from getting my hands on Kurt even more. So, we officially have a problem.”

Letting the implication linger in the air for a few seconds, Konnan finally broke the silence by asking, “do you want to do something about that problem, pendejo?” Even though nobody’s actually saying it, the crowd understood what they were really saying. They can either settle this like gentlemen or they can get into some old gangsta shit. Not surprisingly, Joe wanted to get into some old gangsta shit as he went after Homicide and Hernandez. Amazingly, Joe managed to hold his own against the tag champs before grabbing Konnan by the collar and threatening the Mexican Legend. K-Dawg was saved by Homicide smashing a chair off the back of Joe’s head! Oops, I know I booked that to be a shot to the back. Cide has got to work on his aim with these things. Joe’s bleeding pretty bad from it too but hey, it inadvertently added to the angle.

With Konnan directing traffic as always, LAX just beat the piss out of Joe, leaving him almost as bloody as Angle was last week. Another chair shot to the head by Homicide capped off the destruction before Konnan leaned down into Joe’s face and talked a whole bunch of trash, mainly about Joe “knowing his place” and “knowing who runs shit around here.” Security geeks run down the ramp to stop the carnage but they are way too late as LAX bail through the crowd before they can even get to the ring. Aaannnddd commercial! Pretty hot opening to start off the show, if I may ride my own nuts a bit. [69%]

1. After that long ass opening, it was time for the opening match as Alex Shelly had very little difficulty putting away journeyman Norman Smiley. Norman’s still pretty popular with the crowd due to his natural charisma and WCW exposure but Shelly is one of the young studs of the company that I want to build around. After showing off his technical prowess and the talent that he says is on loan from God himself, Shelly finished the match with a Sliced Bread #2. [**½]

- In a pre-taped promo, Team 3D promised to get revenge on Serotonin whenever they get cleared by doctors to return to the Impact Zone. Brother Ray is offended at the idea of them being “pawns” and said they are gonna remind Raven who the kings of hardcore are! The promo was fine but I was hoping for a bit better than fine from these two. [67%]

- Scott Steiner clearly had no f***s left to give as he came barging into Jim Cornette’s office. Corny’s gotta be used to this kinda stuff by now, it seems like it happens every week. Exasperated, Cornette asked Scott what he wanted and was met with a bunch of incoherent screaming. At the end of it, Steiner said that he wanted to compete in the X-Division! A bemused Cornette asked if Scotty was serious but he obviously was. “I know that there’s no actual weight limit on this thing, you can’t legally keep me out of it!”

Knowing that Steiner had a point, Cornette asked why he even wanted to be in the X-Division. “I’m tired of those vanilla midgets walking around like they’re somebody. They’re nothing! Put any X-Division geek on this roster against Big Poppa Pump and I’ll spank em’ just like their momma should have when they were still sucking on her tits.” Scotty always pushes the TV-14 rating we have but I love it, maggle. Seemingly wanting to get Scott out of his office more than anything, Cornette said he’d get back to him next week. [78%]

2. We got some tag team action as Senshi teamed up with Johnny Devine to take on Eric Young & The Miz. Very basic, meat-and-potatoes tag match. The Miz is still super green but everybody involved did a decent job of hiding his weaknesses. Young & Senshi had a time limit draw a couple of weeks ago and they build off that here as they worked together for most of the match. The finish saw Johnny Devine screw up a bunch resulting in his own partner walking away from the match in disgust. Not even a minute after Senshi hopped off the apron, Devine was drilled with a Piledriver from Young and pinned. [**¾]

- In the interview pit, Jeremy Borash was standing by with X-Division Champion Chris Sabin and...some foine young blond lass. Borash tried to focus on what his original question was but he can’t help but ask who this chick is. Sabin informed him that her name was Jaime Koeppe and that he met her at the autograph signing he was at last week. They started talking about comics and one thing lead to another and...yeah. Now, they’re banging. According to Sabin, Koeppe is actually an agent for several wrestlers based out of Florida so she’s now working as his agent/manager/valet/however you want to phrase it. Speaking for the first time, Koeppe said that she knows what’s best for Sabin, in both his professional and personal life. Wink wink. [70%]

3. It may have been D-Lo Brown’s return match but Wall Street Prick Robert Roode would have loved nothing more than to put a damper on this return by handing him an L. Ms. Brooks gave her client plenty of chances to do just that as she was constantly interfering on his behalf behind the ref’s back. It seemed like D-Lo just couldn’t get anything going because of her until Ron Killings walked out to ringside. “The Truth” tried to spit some game at Ms. Brooks (he may have actually asked “what’s yo name, what’s yo sign?”) but he got curved. He won’t let up, though, and eventually Roode spotted Truth at ringside. The Canadian blew a gasket, yelling at that “hoodlum” to get away from his manager. D-Lo took full advantage of the distraction as he was finally able to build some momentum and get in some significant offense. Once he took his eye off the ball, Roode was no match for the veteran and found himself being put down by the Sky High Powerbomb! D-Lo picks up the well-deserved win in his return following an assist from Killings. [**¾]

- Backstage, Christian Cage bumped into the man that pinned him last week, AJ Styles. Christian congratulated Styles on his “fluke” win before pointing out that AJ should be happy that he doesn’t have to carry around that anchor known as Christopher Daniels anymore.”I always thought you were the star of the team. He’s totally the Jannetty.” AJ didn’t take too kindly to Christian dissing his friend and got uppity with “The Champ.” Because he's loud as a motorbike but wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight, Christian backed up but let AJ know that the next time they face off in the ring, don’t expect another “miracle” to happen. [82%]

4. James Storm and Jay Briscoe were throwing potatoes like you wouldn’t believe in their match. As each man’s respective partner watched on at ringside, one would think that both men had something to prove considering that The Briscoes and America’s Most Wanted are essentially the top two contenders in the tag division right now. In the end, this match ended up solving nothing as Mark Briscoe grew tired of being a spectator and clubbed Storm in the back to draw the rather lame DQ from the ref. Before the announcer could even announce Storm as the winner, Chris Harris was in the ring trading blows with Mark as Jay and Storm began going at it again. Here comes the security geeks to try and save the day as they pull both teams apart as the announcers cut to a timely commercial break. [**¾]

5. Masato Tanaka made a big impression in his first TNA singles match as he knocked off former NWA World Champion Rhino. The match was competitive but there was something about Raven’s presence at ringside that seemingly gave Tanaka an edge over Rhino as he never seemed like he was in danger of losing the match. You know, it’s weird. I’m a big fan of Rhino yet he loses quite a bit. Just the way the cookie crumbles, really. Not like he has any kind of feud right now so he’s expandable. Anyhoo, Tanaka got the win with a Rolling Elbow. Good TV match for what it was. [***½]

- The show concluded with an in-ring confrontation between Sting, Abyss, & James Mitchell. I’m not gonna transcript the entire thing but the important part of it was that after both Sting & Mitchell went back-and-forth for a few minutes, Abyss suddenly reached out and goozled Sting. With The Monster’s hand wrapped around his throat, Sting could do nothing as he was slowly lifted off the ground...before being placed back down and shoved into the corner. Mitchell cackled as he told Sting that it really was that easy for Abyss to impose his will on the champion. “If he can do that with one hand, just imagine what he’s gonna do to you when the title is on the line!” Mitchell was laughing his fat face off as he led Abyss out of the ring and up the ramp, leaving a stunned Sting to reflect on what just happened. Mitchell is clearly playing mind games with a man that’s well known for them. The question is, will it prove to be effective on December 31st? [79%]

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

It’s been a little over a month since I took over the helm and things have been going pretty decently, if I do say so myself. Business hasn’t exploded or anything but things are steady right now. The recent stuff with LAX/Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe on TV seems to be gaining interest. The roster seems to like me well enough even if a few of the older guys are weary of me based on a rumor that’s going around where I said I wanted to “get rid of the dinosaurs.” I actually did say that to a few guys when I was hammered one night but f*** it, they don’t have it on tape so they can’t prove it. Sophie, in addition to having a booty that would make Brooke Tessmacher jealous, has proven herself to be pretty knowledge about both our product and wrestling in general. Not only is she a smart person to go to when I get stuck on something but she also makes the long hours in my office go by faster with good conversation. That might be the Future Ex-Mrs. Magic right there, I’m telling ya’ll.

We were going over some plans for the Turning Point PPV backstage before the TV tapings when Kip James walked up with a pissy look on his face. Remember how I said some old dudes were weary? Meet one of them. I guess he looked at the booking sheet and saw that he wasn’t booked on the show again. Already knowing what was coming, I shooed Sophie away before Kip started yelling at me. He called me a snot nosed little punk that doesn’t respect the history of this business or the guys that made it what it is. This jabroni even had the nerve to talk about the fake belts he won in WWF. What a mark.

Not gonna lie, I tuned out most of his rant but I did end up catching the last little bit he spouted out. “Enough of this shit where you are focusing on the young boys. I mean christ, what are you gonna do next? Give them the entire company?” Their own company...Kip. You just gave me a great idea, you old fossil. Playing nice, I smiled and told Kip that I would keep his advice in mind as sincerely as I possibly could without my eyes turning brown from how full of shit I was. It must have been sincere enough as Kip seemed satisfied and patted me on the back as he walked away. I quickly picked up my phone and called Sophie.

Magic: Hey bae, Kip just gave me a great idea. I’m gonna talk to Dixie about investing in a developmental territory where we can give guys a chance to develop without having them all flood the TV show. Do me a favor and get me a list of guys on the indie scene right now that are getting a bit of buzz and could be a good fit. We can watch some tape later and figure out who is the best of the bunch.

Sophie: I’ll get right on that as soon as the tapings are done. When are you gonna tell me what bae means though?

Magic: I’ll tell you when you’re older.

Sophie: Oh, I hate when you say that! *hangs up*

Call us the Primetime Players because we’re making million dollar moves, daddy. Now, I’m off to show Ron Killings how to hit the dab.

---

From TNAWrestling.com

Samoa Joe vs. Homicide Announced for Impact; Current Card for Turning Point

It’s fair to say that LAX has been on an absolute tear recently, having brutally assaulted Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe in back-to-back weeks. If we’ve learned anything about Samoa Joe over the past year and a half, however, he’s not the kind of person to let such a beating go without wanting some retribution. Joe went to Management Director Jim Cornette looking for a chance at that retribution and he got it. This Thursday on Impact!, airing on Spike TV at 9/8c, Samoa Joe will take on one half of the tag team champions, Homicide! These two actually have a history with each other as they’ve crossed paths several times before either one came to TNA so this should prove to be a very hard-hitting contest.

In addition to booking the Impact main event, Jim Cornette also announced some matches for Turning Point. Not only will Team 3D get their chance at revenge against Serotonin in a Street Fight but Christian Cage will also take on AJ Styles in singles competition. Apparently, Mr. Cornette caught wind of Cage insisting that AJ pinning him was a fluke so he wants to put it to the test. A No Time-Limit Match between Senshi and Eric Young was also announced based on the time limit draw they had on Impact two weeks ago. As of right now, here’s the card for Turning Point, set to take place on December 31st LIVE on PPV:

NWA World Heavyweight Championship
“The Monster” Abyss (w/ James Mitchell) vs. Sting ©

“The Phenomenal” AJ Styles vs. “The Champ” Christian Cage

Orlando Street Fight
Serotonin (Raven & Masato Tanaka) vs. Team 3D (Brother Ray & Brother Devon

No Time Limit
Senshi vs. Eric Young

Chris Sabin WILL defend his X-Division Championship against an opponent TBD

Be sure to check back here at TNAWrestling.com as more matches are announced in the coming weeks!

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

TNA Impact! [71%]
December 21st, 2006
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West


1. We start out this taping with Christian Cage making his way down to the ring. After plenty of flexin’ for the gram, Christian said that he’d heard the rumbling and grumblings among “the internet message board dweebs” that “The Champ” was afraid to face AJ Styles at Turning Point. They’ve been saying that AJ has “better workrate” than him. Some have even gone as far as to say that he knows he can’t beat AJ Styles! “Well guess what, Keyboard Kowboys? The Champ isn’t afraid of anyone!” Christian said that AJ may have “more workrate” but he’s far more charismatic, has far more presence, and is the wet dream of teenage girls all across the country. “Yeah, AJ may have more five star matches but I’m the one with the five star bank account!” But, just to prove that he was no slouch in the ring, he had arranged a special exhibition match with a hand chosen opponent. Christian said that he had searched very carefully for this opponent in order to ensure the toughest challenge possible.
“Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from The Deep Blue Sea, Shark Boy!”

This shit went like two minutes. Christian slapped the smaller man around for a bit, talked some smack to the fans and then drilled Shark Boy with the Unprettier to secure the nearly effortless victory. After the match, Christian decided he wasn’t done as he dragged Shark Boy up for another Unprettier but AJ Styles ran down to make the save. Despite claiming that the Keyboard Kowboys were wrong, Christian seemed shook as he ran out of the ring as soon as AJ got into it. [**¾]

- Backstage promo time with America’s Most Wanted & Gail Kim. They basically said they were coming for LAX and the NWA Tag titles. “And if the Briscoes got a problem with that, sorry about yo damn luck, boys!”, quipped Storm to conclude the promo. [59%]

- We’re going back-to-back with backstage segments. Scott Steiner looked like he had the drank in him as he paced around Jim Cornette’s office. Soon, Cornette strolled into the office with a clipboard full of paper. Clearly annoyed, Corny admitted that he thinks Stener’s request to join the X-Division was the silliest thing he’s heard in a long, long time…but Scotty was right. The Management Director searched high and low and he couldn’t find a single piece of official documentation that said he couldn’t compete in the X-Division if he really wanted to. Since TNA management doesn’t feel like dealing with some lawsuit that Steiner could slap them with (or, you know, Scott beating them up physically), the paperwork has already been drawn up that will allow him to compete in the division. Steiner all but snatched the clipboard out of Jim’s hands before signing his name on the dotted line. After shaking Cornette’s hand (and nearly crushing it in the process), Steiner put the entire X-Division on notice. “Beware, little boys. Big Poppa Pump just rolled into town with a basket full of beatings to dish out!” [74%]

2. After being off TV for a few weeks, Team 3D made their triumphant Impact return as they steamrolled the Diamonds in the Rough, Elix Skipper & David Young. Total squash match here that went maybe 3 minutes before Skipper got planted with the 3D. During the match, the announcers made sure to hype up their PPV match against Serotonin and suggest that it could be one of the more violent matches TNA has put on this year. [***]

- After being turned on by two different partners, Johnny Devine obviously thought the third time was the charm as he asked several guys backstage to be his new partner. Everybody was basically like “nah, I’m straight brah.” If Drake existed by now, Devine would go listen to him after this. [64%]

3. Filling the weekly quota for the X-Division, Jimmy Yang & Jay Lethal joined forces to take on Alex Shelly & Austin Starr. With “Big Daddy” Kevin Nash watching on from ringside, Starr and Shelly did their best to co-exist but there was clearly friction between the two as they kept trying to one-up each other as the match progressed. Nash was clearly impressed by what he saw from Starr but every time Shelly tried to match his partner, the former WWF champion seemed somewhat bored. The focus on trying to impress Nash instead of actually working together almost cost both men dearly as Lethal & Yang had no problem whatsoever working cohesively and sharing the glory. The individual talents of each man was enough to save them, however, and keep the match alive. Eventually, Lethal tried to hit a dive to the outside on Starr but the Vascular Vegetarian wisely moved out of the way and let Jay go crashing into the guardrail! Meanwhile, in the ring, Yang tried to hit a Moonsault onto Shelly but ended up clutching his ribs after his opponent got his knees up. A Sliced Bread #2 soon followed but before Shelly could make the pin, Starr tagged himself into the match and hopped up to the top rope. Shelly didn't look happy but Starr acted oblivious as he used a 450 Splash to get the win. After the match, Nash came in to congratulate Starr and raise his arm but only gave Shelly a pat on the back when asked to acknowledge him. Surprisingly excellent TV match. [****]

- After a commercial break, we come back to Jeremy Borash getting ready to conduct an in-ring interview with D’Lo Brown. The Brown Man got one of the better reactions of the night as he head-bobbed his way down the ramp. D’Lo shook hands with JB before the interviewer got right down to business, asking D’Lo why he decided to return to TNA. The real answer is because WWE wouldn’t answer his phone calls but D’Lo merely said that he wanted to prove that he still could compete at a high level and finally win that world title that had eluded him throughout his entire career. Suddenly, Brown was interrupted by the music of Marcell Cor Von. The announcers speculated that this could mean trouble but Cor Von was surprising cordial with D’Lo, offering him a handshake and generally putting him over as a great wrestler. Cor Von said that he and D’Lo were different in many ways but they did have one major thing in common. “You take a look at that locker room right now, there aren’t a whole lot of people that look like us.” Cor Von claimed that since there weren’t many of them around, they had to stick together and make sure they had the other’s back “in case of any of these honkeys tried something.” Not sure what to make of the rather unexpected racial tones this conversation was taking, D’Lo kinda brushed Cor Von off and left the ring without giving any real response to the Alpha Male. To his credit, Cor Von didn’t lose his cool and simply told D’Lo that they’d “keep in touch.” [73%]

4. In preparation for his world title match at Turning Point, “The Monster” Abyss took on Lance Hoyt. It’s a more competitive match than you would think as both men just hammered away on each other. After a few minutes, it became clear that Abyss had gained the upper hand and from there, he never really lost it. James Mitchell didn’t have to do anything but smile as Hoyt was planted with the Black Hole Slam to award his monster the victory. Better match than I was expecting, honestly. Hoyt’s not a terrible talent. [**½]

- Earlier in the week, Mike Tenay interviewed Christopher Daniels at his home in Los Angeles. “The Fallen Angel” told Tenay that he’s spent the past few weeks being with his wife and playing with his kids. He actually has time to drop them off at school and pick them up in the same day now. He’s even been taking art classes with his wife but he said that he hasn’t watched a second of wrestling since he left the Impact Zone. “I just don’t have much interest in it right now.” When asked about a possible return date, Daniels refused to give one, simply saying that he would come back “when the time was right and his purpose was clear.” That’s the only part of the interview that aired on TV as Tenay told viewers that they had to go to TNAWrestling.com to see the rest. Give us those clicks, bitches. [83%]

5. The night’s main event between Homicide and Samoa Joe probably would have been more at home on a Japanese show, honestly. These two are good friends IRL but you could never tell from this match as they both brought the hate and didn’t hold a thing back as they repeatedly struck each other HARD. When they got tired of that, they decided to start dropping each other on their head with Suplexes. After Joe had taken a particularly nasty German Suplex, Homicide tried to lift him up for the Gringo Killer but the Samoan elbowed his way out it. Backfist! Running Yakuza Kick! Cide looked like he didn't know where he was as Joe placed him on the turnbuckle for the Muscle Buster. Before he could even hit the move, however, Hernandez was right there to save his partner and simultaneously cost him the match via DQ. [****]

- LAX couldn’t give a f*** less about losing the match as they were more focused on winning the war by putting the boots to Samoa Joe. With K-Dawg leading the attack as always, he instructed his men to hold Joe by both arms so he could nail him in the head with a chair. When Konnan lifted up the chair, however, he was stopped dead by the music of Kurt Angle!!! He looked like he had seen a ghost when Angle actually came flying from through the curtain and storming down the ramp with a purpose. The LAX leader fled for safety as both of his men went after Kurt. The Olympic Gold Medalist managed to briefly fight both of them off and even snapped off a cool looking German Suplex to Hernandez before he was struck from behind by Homicide. Cide looked like he was going for the Gringo Killer but Joe was back up and forcibly dragged him to the mat with the Coquina Clutch! Homicide flailed desperately for air before his homies dragged him by the foot out of the ring and out of Joe’s deadly grasp. With Joe and Angle now alone in the ring, they looked at each other...then at LAX...then back to each other. The announcers were practically peeing on themselves as Angle stuck out his hand...and Joe accepted it! It looks like these two hate LAX so much, they are willing to work together to fight them! The enemy of my enemy is my friend, as the old saying goes. [67%]

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

Give me Ron Killings hitting the Quan and you've got a viewer for life.

Alternatively, Maria in them booty shorts because sometimes real life is pretty cool.

[Waffel113]

Jan 6, 2016 21:46:32 GMT -5 Magic knows Black Lives Matter said:

TNA Impact! [71%]
December 21st, 2006
TAPED at the Impact Zone
Announcers: Mike Tenay & Don West

- After being turned on by two different partners, Johnny Devine obviously thought the third time was the charm as he asked several guys backstage to be his new partner. Everybody was basically like “nah, I’m straight brah.” If Drake existed by now, Devine would go listen to him after this. [64%]

Wait, are you saying that, as a time traveler, you can't introduce him to Drake? Would that f*** up the space-time continuum and alter the rap game irrevocably? Where is Ja? We need to get him on this.