FAN please keep me from doing something stupid.

[Shai]

Three words.

Baby.
Mama.
Drama.

I've said this before my family is a yours mine and ours family. My husband has a son, I have a daughter and we have 2 boys together.

Now all of a sudden after 3 years of wanting absolutely nothing to do with him my hubbys ex wants to see their son. I seriously have no words. She abandoned him when he was four leaving me and my husband to explain where his mommy was. Fast foward 3 years and she's back and pissed because her son calls me Mom now and she's planning on suing us for joint custody of him. What I really think of her is against board rules. I'm at a loss for words at this point. That's his mother but she left him without even a text message to ask how he was doing over the last 3 years.

I don't know what to do or even where to begin dealing with this shit.

[Fade is a CodyCryBaby]

Relax. Don't allow yourself to get worked up over this. She looks to be in a bad place, so don't let her drag you down. What I'm trying to say is she sounds like a Hot Mess...Let that play out. You focus on your hubby, your kids and peace at mind.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

[Deleted]

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

This alone is why you shouldn't be worried. She might get visitation rights or something, but I highly doubt the court will give her custody after falling off the face of the earth and abandoning her kid.

Though another way to look at it is that IF she has changed and become a better person, she does have a right to know her child, regardless of what drama that might bring. Any time you are in a relationship and one or both of you is a single parent, there will be a little drama whether you want it or not.

[Shai]

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

[lionheart21]

Dec 29, 2016 16:44:18 GMT -5 Shai said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

Damn...I'm sorry to hear that. Its disgusting that its 2016 and feelings like that still endure.

[Shai]

Dec 29, 2016 16:39:57 GMT -5 @therealoblivion said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

This alone is why you shouldn't be worried. She might get visitation rights or something, but I highly doubt the court will give her custody after falling off the face of the earth and abandoning her kid.

Though another way to look at it is that IF she has changed and become a better person, she does have a right to know her child, regardless of what drama that might bring. Any time you are in a relationship and one or both of you is a single parent, there will be a little drama whether you want it or not.

And if she has changed I'm all for that. But from what I've seen since she's been back nothing has. I know being a steparent comes with built in drama. I'm totally trying to keep my cool which is why I'm here and not on Facebook posting about this. Its nice to get advice from an objective party.

[Fade is a CodyCryBaby]

Dec 29, 2016 16:39:57 GMT -5 @therealoblivion said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

This alone is why you shouldn't be worried. She might get visitation rights or something, but I highly doubt the court will give her custody after falling off the face of the earth and abandoning her kid.

Though another way to look at it is that IF she has changed and become a better person, she does have a right to know her child, regardless of what drama that might bring. Any time you are in a relationship and one or both of you is a single parent, there will be a little drama whether you want it or not.

This. Let her. Doesn't sound like she'd even be able to muster to sue and even if she does, probably doesn't have a shot.

[Shai]

Dec 29, 2016 16:48:07 GMT -5 lionheart21 said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:44:18 GMT -5 Shai said:

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

Damn...I'm sorry to hear that. Its disgusting that its 2016 and feelings like that still endure.

I freaking know. Like when I moved from long island to Kansas. My Mom warned me I might run into some people that still thought like that and I told her she was overreacting.

She Wasn't.

[Deleted]

Dec 29, 2016 16:44:18 GMT -5 Shai said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

It's f***ed up that they think that way. You can use this against them in court though, by saying that their actions are motivated by racism rather than concern for the child.

[Heartbreaker]

It makes me sad how some people treat their own kids like toys or objects.

[edgestar]

Dec 29, 2016 16:44:18 GMT -5 Shai said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:34:47 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

She seriously hopes to gain joint custody after leaving for three years with no explanation and giving no sign of life?

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

If anything, she should be happy that you care so much about the child. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[Welfare Willis]

Dec 29, 2016 15:58:32 GMT -5 Shai said:

Three words.

Baby.
Mama.
Drama.

I've said this before my family is a yours mine and ours family. My husband has a son, I have a daughter and we have 2 boys together.

Now all of a sudden after 3 years of wanting absolutely nothing to do with him my hubbys ex wants to see their son. I seriously have no words. She abandoned him when he was four leaving me and my husband to explain where his mommy was. Fast foward 3 years and she's back and pissed because her son calls me Mom now and she's planning on suing us for joint custody of him. What I really think of her is against board rules. I'm at a loss for words at this point. That's his mother but she left him without even a text message to ask how he was doing over the last 3 years.

I don't know what to do or even where to begin dealing with this shit.

I'm sorry you have to experience this. If it helps my family went through something similar. My aunt raised two girls on her own. The father of the youngest daughter was never really in his daughter's life. However, when the daughter was around 16 or 17 the father had gotten married to a lady and he got some ideas about wanting to be in his daughter's life. He tried to get custody of the daughter and sued. After putting my aunt through a trial, accusing her of sleeping around, and etc. the judge spoke to the daughter. He awarded custody to the aunt and the father has really been estranged from the daughter since then.

Hopefully it won't go to trial in your case, and I hope for the best for your family.

[Shai]

Dec 29, 2016 18:34:36 GMT -5 edgestar said:

Dec 29, 2016 16:44:18 GMT -5 Shai said:

Yup. Her parents are apparently paying for her lawyers. I don't really know how to put this anyway else but bluntly. It has a lot to do with my race. I'm black and they're white and they don't like that they're grandson is being raised by a person of my race.

If anything, she should be happy that you care so much about the child. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I couldn't love him more if he came from me. I've been with his father for 6 years. He just turned 7. My daughter is 8. One of the absolute hardest things me and my husband have ever done is explain how stepsiblings work after an idiot at daycare told them they aren't really brother and sister. They don't even remember not being together and not being brother and sister so they thought they were blood related.

[edgestar]

Dec 29, 2016 19:04:16 GMT -5 Shai said:

Dec 29, 2016 18:34:36 GMT -5 edgestar said:

If anything, she should be happy that you care so much about the child. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I couldn't love him more if he came from me. I've been with his father for 6 years. He just turned 7. My daughter is 8. One of the absolute hardest things me and my husband have ever done is explain how stepsiblings work after an idiot at daycare told them they aren't really brother and sister. They don't even remember not being together and not being brother and sister so they thought they were blood related.

My mom and her brothers and sisters, have stepbrother and stepsisters. They don't even consider the term, "step". people can be not so nice, and say things that can hurt a kid. I'm sorry your kids were hurt by that comment.

[the4whoare1]

lady shai just remain calm cool and collected. she has not been there and no one would give the child to her. for all intent and purposes your his mom. your the mom hes known. so be calm and think positive.

[lionheart21]

Dec 29, 2016 20:15:41 GMT -5 the4whoare1 said:

lady shai just remain calm cool and collected. she has not been there and no one would give the child to her. for all intent and purposes your his mom. your the mom hes known. so be calm and think positive.

This is the best advice to take. The actions and the attitude of the kid's mom will be her own undoing. Just stay strong Shai, you'll get through this.