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Post by Rumble McSkirmish on Feb 22, 2017 10:55:09 GMT -5
"Alcohol and night swimming! It's a winning combination!" "Meh, he's alright, but he's no bowl of Special K." Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya? Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs? Jimbo: Can I?! Homer: You're in. Here's the sack. Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs. Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent? Homer Simpson: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that. Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing? Homer Simpson: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes. Kent Brockman: [pause] Well, touché.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Grimlock
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 14,951
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Feb 22, 2017 11:15:23 GMT -5
Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent? Homer Simpson: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that. Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing? Homer Simpson: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes. Kent Brockman: [pause] Well, touché. It's even better he says "forfty" per cent are made up.
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Post by Milkman Norm on Feb 22, 2017 16:43:28 GMT -5
I'm Archie Bell, and I'm also The Drells and it's time to tighten up. And this is the music we tighten up with...
A joke I didn't get at all as a kid but thought was hilarious when I saw it a few days ago.
Plus it was followed by:
A gig. When you're a musicians a job is called a gig.
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Feb 22, 2017 19:17:30 GMT -5
I feel like this thread should just be an all-purpose Simpsons quotes thread.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 22:42:23 GMT -5
"Hello Mr. President, i knew if anyone could get some tang, it would be you. SHUT UP"
i always thought the joke was that Homer bothered to call the president about the drink but as an adult, i know better
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Post by SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts on Feb 22, 2017 23:06:12 GMT -5
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Post by theironyuppie on Feb 23, 2017 5:49:46 GMT -5
-I work for Tipsy McStagger's good time drinking and eating emporium. -Oh, yeah? Hey, what's Mr. McStagger really like? -Tipsy McStagger is just a composite of other successful logos. -You tell him for me that he makes one great mozzarella stick! -Hmm, yes, I will.
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Ben Wyatt
Crow T. Robot
Are You Gonna Go My Way?
I don't get it. At all. It's kind of a small horse, I mean what am I missing? Am I crazy?
Posts: 41,417
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Post by Ben Wyatt on Feb 23, 2017 7:57:58 GMT -5
(Little Richard is on stage present the teacher of the year award)
Homer: Play 'Purple Rain!' Little Richard: SHUT UP! Homer: *excited* Ohhh, Michael Jackson just told me to shut up!
That exchange kills me every time
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Feb 23, 2017 8:34:26 GMT -5
(Little Richard is on stage present the teacher of the year award) Homer: Play 'Purple Rain!' Little Richard: SHUT UP! Homer: *excited* Ohhh, Michael Jackson just told me to shut up! That exchange kills me every time Yeah, the show was fairly terrible by that point, but this exchange cracked me up.
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Post by BRAINFADE on Feb 25, 2017 10:09:19 GMT -5
"It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all!"
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Post by Milkman Norm on Feb 25, 2017 10:27:47 GMT -5
"and all this time I was smoking harmless tobacco!"
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Unocal 76
King Koopa
Providing The Finest Oil
Posts: 12,687
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Post by Unocal 76 on Feb 25, 2017 10:29:06 GMT -5
I THOUGHT THE GENERALS WERE DUE
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Post by Bang Bang Bart on Feb 25, 2017 12:52:44 GMT -5
I THOUGHT THE GENERALS WERE DUE HE'S SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE IT!
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Post by Milkman Norm on Feb 25, 2017 18:05:51 GMT -5
I was so gay, but I couldn't tell anyone.
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Post by theironyuppie on Feb 26, 2017 1:08:06 GMT -5
--Mr. Simpson, I guarantee you we'll come up with a commercial that can save your business. You know those radio ads where two people with annoying voices yammer back and forth? I invented those. [Homer punches him in the face.] --Ow! Happens all the time.
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Feb 26, 2017 1:27:41 GMT -5
Wally Weasel animatronic: Hey I here it's your birthday. How old are you? Bart: Well I'm-- Wally: that's great, would you like a special birthday day song? Bart: Hell no! Wally: You got it.
Also this:
(Sorry for the tweet, don't have access to my Flickr account)
Just for the fact it's on a bar napkin.
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Post by arrogantmodel on Feb 26, 2017 6:48:23 GMT -5
Jimbo: Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow! Can I join ya? Homer: I don't know, can you swing a sack of doorknobs? Jimbo: Can I?! Homer: You're in. Here's the sack. Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs. Immediately before this: Homer: You better have a good reason for doing that, boy. Jimbo: It makes me feel like a big man. Homer: Hold on, let me check my reasons list...Yep...it's on there.
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The Sam
El Dandy
The Brainiest Sam of all
Posts: 8,423
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Post by The Sam on Feb 27, 2017 0:37:57 GMT -5
I THOUGHT THE GENERALS WERE DUE HE'S SPINNING THE BALL ON HIS FINGER! JUST TAKE IT! That game was fixed. They were using a ladder for crying out loud.
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Post by Bang Bang Bart on Feb 27, 2017 0:40:41 GMT -5
Wally Weasel animatronic: Hey I here it's your birthday. How old are you? Bart: Well I'm-- Wally: that's great, would you like a special birthday day song? Bart: Hell no! Wally: You got it. You're the birthday You're the birthday You're the birthday boy or girl /beaver conductor's tail falls off as he then catches on fire, prompting someone to extinguish the flame on stage/
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Post by Throwback on Feb 27, 2017 4:57:23 GMT -5
Millhouse takes a sip of a squishee made entirely of syrup: "It's so thick"
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