Working on a script for a comic. Will post 1 page a day.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

Hi everyone! As I mentioned in my sketch thread, I want to work more actively on a comic idea I've head for a while now and in order to motivate me to write it at a constant pace and receive feedback, I've decided to post one page of it here every day until it is completed. The story shouldn't be too long and I have already outlined all the events so that seems very much doable. If I miss an update, please call me out on it. I intend to first make the comic in French but since I also want to make an English translation, writing the script in English is no biggie.

To give you an idea of the atmosphere, it is set in a steampunk world (although with fairly developed technology), a few years after a disastrous war has ended. Although it is now mostly at peace, criminals thrived during the war as people grew desperate to get their hands on bare necessities and authorities' attention and resources were focused on the conflict. They are now more powerful than ever and the police is overwhelmed, having too many cases to investigate and not enough manpower.

As a result, they have started placing more and more bounties, rewarding anyone who could capture wanted felons and so more and more people became hunters. Once such hunter is the main character, Lénore Céleste, a young woman from a formerly wealthy family which unfortunately lost most of its fortune during the war as their factories and estate got destroyed during the war and since they still wanted their children to have as good an education as possible, they spent a lot of what they had left sending them to the best schools they could afford. Due to her upbringing, while Lénore is very streetwise, she often shows a more proper attitude than her friends.


And now, for the script proper:

PAGE 1

PANEL 1:

Lénore and her friend Anna can be seen boisterously entering a café. Lénore is wearing a posh yet fairly simple outfit made out of a white frilled shirt with gold-coloured strings at the end of the sleeves. A large leather belt with a brass buckle holds up a pair of brown and black striped pants which are tucked inside sturdy leather boots and a pair of sleeveless gloves. She is of slightly above-average height, is physically fit, has an oval face with large, light brown eyes and shoulder-length, dark brown hair styled in long, loose ringlets. She wears round, gold-trimmed glasses and several rings are attached to her ears which peek through her hair.

Anna is shorter and much more flamboyant, wearing a short poofy pink silk dress, dark brown lacy stockings, high-heeled shoes that match the dress and lacy armbands covering her forearms. Her light brown hair is short but no less exuberant, with all manners of curls and braids. Whereas Lénore's make-up is fairly understated, with a simple mascara and a hint of eyeshadow, Anna's is thick and loud. She is also covered with jewelry. Necklace, rings, bracelets, hairpins, etc.

Lénore: "Hey there, Roger! Is our usual table available?"



PANEL 2:

We can see more of the inside of the café. It is rustic but classy and has a warm and friendly atmosphere. Various people of all shapes and sizes and seated and chatting, drinking, smoking and eating. A moustachioed man in a dapper suit is cleaning glasses behind the bar.

Roger: "Lénore! Anna! It's been a while! Yeah, go ahead, the way is clear."



PANEL 3:

Anna waves a piece of paper in Roger's direction while Lénore sits down.

Anna: "I just got the bounty on a big fish!"

Lénore: "And we decided to come celebrate at your place."



PANEL 4:

A man in a leather top hat and a fancy suit can be seen from the front with the girls in the background. He looks in his mid-30's, has blue eyes and brown sideburns. He is drinking tea but stops, the conversation having seemingly caught his attention.

Man: *thinking* "Bountry huntresses! Just what I was looking for!"



PANEL 5:

High angle view. Roger is in the foreground, seen from the back with Lénore and Anna sitting at a table

Roger: "I'm flattered. How 'bout you, Lénore? How's business going?"



PANEL 6:

Close-up on the side of Lénore's face, looking upset.

Lénore: "Urgh, don't mention it! I'm gonna go broke if I don't catch anything quick."



PANEL 7:

Back to the man, looking relieved.

Man: *thinking* "AND she's looking for work! It looks like I finally found the help I needed!"

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 2

PANEL 1:

Anna and Lénore are sitting with cups on the table. Lénore is eating an ice cream while an empty dish with the remnants of some sort of pastry is on Anna's side. Anna is checking her watch.

Narration: Later...

Anna: "Well, I'm gonna go pay."

Lénore: "Leaving already?"



PANEL 2:

Close-up on Anna waving her paper.

Character: "Yeah. Gotta go cash this baby in before the bank closes"



PANEL 3:

Group shot showing the two of them as Anna is getting up.

Lénore: "Oh, right. gotta say it's not the sort of problem I have right now."

Anna: "Ha ha! Don't worry, I'm sure something will come up soon! See ya!"



PANEL 4:

Lénore from the back in the foreground with Anna going towards the bar in the background.

Lénore: "See ya! Thanks again for the invite!"



PANEL 5:

Front shot of Lénore eating her ice cream in silence.



PANEL 6:

Same shot as before but the man enters the frame, pointing towards Anna's now empty chair.

Man: "May I?"

Lénore: *a bit surprised* "Er... sure."



PANEL 7:

Close-up on the man as he sits down.

Man: "Allow me to introduce myself: Gérald de Rovelle. I couldn't help overhearing you and I think I've got something for you."



PANEL 8:

Focus is on Lénore, with the back of Gérald's head in the foreground. Lénore is grinning.

Lénore: "I'm all ears."



PANEL 9:

Perspective shot focusing on Gérald

Gérald: "Alright, I could use some help..."

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 3

Note: All dialogue on this page is in narration boxes to show that it is a flashback.


PANEL 1:

Shot of a dilapidated but still impressive manor. It is in a forest that clearly hasn't been maintained in years and is slowly reclaiming the property.

Gérald: "I recently acquired an attractive and conveniently located domain."



PANEL 2:

More shots of the manor

Gérald: "The previous owner was an eccentric engineer who unfortunately neglected it, leaving the manor in such a poor state that I was able to obtain it for a pittance"



PANEL 3:

Shot of Gérald watching proudly as workers are busy around him.

Gérald: "Still, I love this place and Immediately hired workers to restore it to the best possible condition."



PANEL 4:

Gérald visiting the inside of the manor with a couple workers accompanying him. There are all sorts of dusty and half-broken tools and materials lying around and filling up furniture.

Gérald: "The building was filled with prototypes and materials. Evidently the old engineer was using it as no more than a gigantic workshop and warehouse."



PANEL 5:

Front shot of a massive metallic double door sealed by a large mechanical lock with a handle on each side.

Gérald: "Oddly, the way to the main area of the manor was blocked by an impressive mechanical system, seemingly the only modification made to the residence."



PANEL 6:

From the inside of the next room as the doors are being opened, with Gérald and the workers being illuminated from behind and only their silhouettes being visible.

Gérald: "And when we opened it, we soon found out why..."



PANEL 7:

Silent shot of everyone looking through the door, trying to see through the darkness.



PANEL 8:

Robots suddenly burst out. Gérald barely manages to dodge.



PANEL 9:

The robots grab several workers while everyone else is either standing in shock or running away.



PANEL 10:

The robots run back inside with their preys, the captured workers screaming.



PANEL 11:

Gérald and a worker close the doors behind them.

Gérald: "We barely had time to comprehend what had happened. All we could do was make sure that there would be no more victims."



PANEL 12:

Gérald sitting with his back against the door, on the verge of tears.

Gérald: "It was already too late for these poor men..."

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 4

PANEL 1:

Back at the café.

Gérald: "This is why I need your help. Go in there, neutralize those infernal machines and find out what happened to the workers."



PANEL 2:

Lénore leaning forward with an inquisitive look.

Lénore: "That sounds more like the kind of job best suited for the police. Why hire a bounty hunter for this?"



PANEL 3:

Gérald looks to the side, seemingly slightly embarrassed.

Gérald: "Well, I'd rather avoid attracting official attention on this case. I don't want to see the mansion commandeered." "And on top of that, I fear that they wouldn't take my warnings seriously and immediately open the doors wide, releasing the machines.



PANEL 4:

Lénore pulls out a cigarette holder

Lénore: "So what you're telling me..." "... is that you want me to venture in an unknown area, in a building that could collapse at any moment to fight an enemy we know nothing about other than they are very dangerous. And you want me to do it all under the cops' noses."



PANEL 5:

Lénore lights the cigarette. Gérald is off-screen.

Gérald: "I realize how risky this job is and I couldn't blame you if you refused, but it is very important to me. Not only can I not afford to abandon that manor but most importantly..."



PANEL 6:

Close-up on Gérald, now looking determined.

Gérald: "... I owe it to these people's loved ones to find out what happened to these men."



PANEL 7:

Silent shot of Lénore frowning as she looks like she's thinking over what Gérald told her.



PANEL 8:

Lénore looks Gérald straight in the eyes with a stern expression.

Lénore: "I'm not one to risk my hide for lost causes, so you'll have to make it worth my while." "100 000 Griffins, half in advance."



PANEL 9:

Gérald tries to look as cooperative as possible.

Gérald: "That sounds more than fair."



PANEL 10:

Lénore with a teasing grin on her face, her teeth clutching the cigarette holder.

Lénore: "Well in that case...""... congratualtions, mister de Rovelle, you just found yourself a huntress!"



PANEL 11:

They get up with Gérald looking especially happy as he shakes Lénore's hand.

Gérald: "You're a life saver! I can't thank you enough!"

Lénore: "Please."



PANEL 12:

Gérald hands Lénore a card.

Gérald: "Here is the address, it is just outside of town, I'll meet you there at 1.00PM in three days so you'll have time to prepare. I'll have the money with me."



PANEL 13:

Lénore takes the card.

Lénore: "Alright. See you very soon then, dear client!"

Gérald: "See you soon, miss...?"



PANEL 14:

Close-up on Lénore with a big smile on her face.

Lénore: "Céleste. Lénore Céleste."

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 5

PANEL 1:

Large panel showing a view of Lénore's workshop/garage. We can see her motorbike, some furniture and all sorts of things hanging on the walls and from the ceiling. Lénore herself can be seen at a workbench, working on a large leather glove covered in mechanical parts. On the wall is a phone and next to her is a mannequin outfitted with some kind of harness.

Narration box: "Two days later..."



PANEL 2:

close-up of Lénore's hands tightening a screw.



PANEL 3:

Close-up on her stern-looking face.



PANEL 4:

Close-up on the phone ringing with Lénore looking at it in the background.



PANEL 5:

Lénore picks it up and brings it to her ear.

Lénore: "Hello?"

: "Hey. It's Louis."



PANEL 6:

Lénore looking excited

Lénore: "Loulou!"

Louis: "Don't call me that."



PANEL 7:

Cut to Louis' home. He is a stocky, middle-aged man with rugged features. In spite of that, he doesn't look aggressive and maintains a certain elegance. A coat is hanging from the back of his chair. He is sitting at an untidy table with some papers in his left hand and a lit cigar in his right, the phone's handset being held between his right shoulder and his head

Lénore: "What's up?"

Louis: "I did the research you asked."

Lénore: "Awesome! So what did you find out?"

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 6

PANEL 1:

Close-up on Louis' face, bringing the papers closer.

Louis: "Not much, really. The previous owner was pretty quiet and reserved, spent most of his time inside the mansion. So whatever he did in there was never noticed before. There's one thing you might want to know, though."



PANEL 2:

Back at Lénore's. She has a curious look on her face and is now holding a lit cigarette with its holder.

Lénore: "What is it?"

Louis: "You're not the first hunter Mr. de Rovelle has hired. And none of them have returned."



PANEL 3:

Full body shot of Lénore giving a slight shrug.

Lénore: "Well, it's not like he didn't warn me that this is a dangerous job. Kind of wish he'd mentioned that, though."

Louis: "Bet the bastard was trying to stiff ya on the bounty. Look, just... be careful, okay?"



PANEL 4:

Close-up on Lénore's face with a big taunting smile on her face.

Lénore: "Aww, worried about me, are you? Don't worry, I don't intend to die before I got you that box of cigars I owe ya."

Louis: "Damn right. Well, see ya and merde."



PANEL 5:

Lénore from a different angle still smiling, but in a more friendly manner.

Lénore: "See ya! Thanks for the tip."



PANEL 6:

Lénore hangs up.



PANEL 7:

Full body shot of Lénore from the side, looking pensive.



PANEL 8:

Same angle. She now looks much more determined, with her back straight and punching her own hand.

Lénore: "Right! Back to work"



PANEL 9:

Far shot with Lénore at her workbench from the back, with a plume of smoke rising into the air.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 7

PANEL 1:

Large aerial shot of a forest through which a road is going. We can make out a motorbike driving through. The mansion shown earlier can be seen in the distance.

Narration box: "The next day..."



PANEL 2:

Lénore arriving on her bike with Gérald standing in front of an expensive-looking car.



PANEL 3:

Lénore climbs out of her bike while Gérald goes to meet her. We can see a large bag secured to the back of the bike.

Gérald: "Greetings, miss Céleste! You are right on time!"



PANEL 4:

Lénore shakes hands with Gérald.

Lénore: "Good day to you, mister de Rovelle. First things first, do you have the money we agreed on?"



PANEL 5:

Gérald hands her a check.

Gérald: "Yes, of course. Here is a check for the first half and you'll get the rest once the mission is complete."



PANEL 6:

Close-up of Lénore's face as she is smiling.

Lénore: "Excellent. Then we can get to work." "Just give me a moment to gear up."



PANEL 7:

Shot of Lénore putting on a leather protective vest.




PANEL 8:

Shot of Lénore putting on one of the gloves we saw her work on in the previous page.



PANEL 9:

Shot of Lénore securing some brass accessory to her boots



PANEL 10:

Shot of Lénore adjusting a large backpack with bottles on each side of it.



PANEL 11:

Shot of Lénore placing goggles on her head.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 8

PANEL 1:

Full body shot of Lénore now fully-suited, giving us a good look at her outfit. The vest covers her entire torso, zips up at the front and has lacing at the sides allowing some flexibility. The gloves and the leg accessories are connected to the bottles around the backpack by tubes and the goggles have mechanical parts for zooming in or out. She also has a mask around her neck and currently resting on the top of her chest. She is wearing the harness seen in her workshop and wires also go along it, connecting the gloves to the hips. She is also wearing a utility belt on which several glass tubes containing various substances can be seen. Finally, a rifle and a pistol are holstered and attached to the belt.

Lénore: "Alright! I'm ready!"



PANEL 2:

Low-angle shot of her and Gérald, with Gérald waving towards the mansion.

Gérald: "Very well. Then if you would please follow me." "Quite an impressive gear you've got there, by the way".

Lénore: "Thanks! I try to be ready for any possibility. And considering I don't know what to expect, I couldn't leave anything out."



PANEL 3:

Gérald holding the door to the manor's entrance open for Lénore open.

Gérald: "A wise decision."



PANEL 4:

From the inside of the manor, Lénore is entering with Gérald behind her. She has a snarky expression on her face.

Lénore: "After all, I wouldn't want to meet the same fate as my colleagues."



PANEL 5:

Small panel showing Gérald looking sheepish.

Gérald: "Oh..."



PANEL 6:

The two of them keep walking side by side. Lénore is looking at Gérald, who is avoiding her gaze.

Lénore: "Look, I get that you might have been scared it would have put me off but if I cared about danger, I wouldn't be in this line of work. Hiding this kind of stuff puts us both at risk." "I need to know that my client trusts me and that I can trust my client."

Gérald: "You... you're right. I apologize."



PANEL 7:

High-angle shot of them arriving at the metallic doors.

Lénore: "So is there anything else you haven't told me?"

Gérald: "Unfortunately no. You know as much as I do." "Here we are."



PANEL 8:

Lénore is standing with her fists to her hips, scanning the door. Gérald hands her a small device.

Lénore: "So are you sure there is no other way in?"

Gérald: "Certain. We checked everywhere after the incident." "Take this."



PANEL 9:

Close-up of Lénore looking at the device.

Gérald: "It's a portable radio. That way, you can contact me if you've found something interesting and in case of emergency."



PANEL 10:

Close-up of Gérald.

Gérald: "I'll open one of the doors just wide enough for you to go through, then I'll close it so these things don't have a chance to escape. When you need to come back, contact me and I'll open it again."

Lénore: "Gotcha."



PANEL 11:

Side view with Lénore in the foreground facing the door with her rifle drawn. Gérald is in the background with his hands on the wheel.

Gérald: "Ready?"

Lénore: "Ready."



PANEL 12:

Gérald opening the door with plenty of steam escaping.



PANEL 13:

Inside view of Lénore crossing the door, her front obscured.

Gérald: "Good luck, miss Céleste."

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 9

PANEL 1:

The door closes behind Lénore.



PANEL 2:

Close-up of the radio going off.

Gérald: "Miss Céleste, can you hear me?"



PANEL 3:

Lénore answers while looking around.

Lénore: "Yeah."

Gérald: "Good, I wanted to make sure these things work properly. Can you see anything?"

Lénore: "Not really. It's so dark in here." "Hang on."



PANEL 4:

Lénore flips a switch on her goggles, turning on a light.



PANEL 5:

Lénore keeps looking.

Lénore: "There, much better."

Gérald: "Alright. I'll leave you to it, then. I should be able to hear around you but do keep me informed of how things are going."

Lénore: "Noted."



PANEL 6:

Far shot showing that Lénore is in a large room covered in various items, themselves covered in dirt, cobwebs and small debris. A large chandelier is still hanging from the ceiling, looking like it could fall at any moment. The entrance to a hallway can be seen as well as a stairway leading to the upper floor.



PANEL 7:

Lénore checks the hallway and finds it obstructed by rubble. It looks like the ceiling collapsed quite a while ago.

Lénore: "Bad news, mister de Rovelle. I'm afraid that the repairs you'll have to do here are going to be a bit more extensive than anticipated."

Gérald: "What do you mean?"

Lénore: "An entire hallway has collapsed. On the plus side, that reduces the number of potential paths our robot friends could have taken."



PANEL 8:

Lénore starts climbing the stairs.



PANEL 9:

Close-up of Lénore's foot going through the stairs as they crack under it.




PANEL 10:

Low-angle shot of Lénore's worried face.

Lénore: "Ooooh sh-"



PANEL 11:

Lénore dropping down as the entire stairway collapses

Lénore: "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 10

PANEL 1:

Lénore awkwardly lying on the rubble. She is covered in dirt.

Lénore: "Oooowww..."

Gérald: "Lénore? Lénore?! Is everything alright?! What happened?"



PANEL 2:

She's back up, massaging the back of her head while answering.

Lénore: "Hmph. I'm okay. Can't say the same for your stairway."

Gérald: "Nevermind that as long as you..." "... wait, how are you going to keep going?"



PANEL 3:

High-angle shot from the upper floor.

Lénore: "Don't worry, I have an idea."



PANEL 4:

Side view of Lénore extending her arms towards the upper floor



PANEL 5:

Close-up on her arms, showing that a flick of the fingers shoots out a wire from each glove with a small burst of steam coming out of the devices.



PANEL 6:

Close-up of the wires planting themselves into the wall above.



PANEL 7:

Close-up of bursts of steam coming out of the bottles on the backpack.



PANEL 8:

Low-angle shot of Lénore zooming through the air towards the upper floor.



PANEL 9:

Lénore going over the guardrail and landing on the floor with the wires being rewound.



PANEL 10:

Lénore holding the radio. She is facing another hallway.

Lénore: "Okay. I made it upstairs."

Gérald: "How did you..."



PANEL 11:

Lénore notices light coming from the hallway.



PANEL 12:

Lénore crouching to the side to hide, still holding on to the radio, while turning her light off.

Lénore: (whispering) "Gonna have to ask you to stay silent. One of your unwanted guests is here."

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 11

PANEL 1:

Side view of Lénore crouching, her rifle at the ready, as she sees the lights getting closer

Character: "Dialogue"



PANEL 2:

Close-up of Lénore's tense face.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Alright, can't give it any chance. Let's hope my gun's got enough kick to take it o-"



PANEL 3:

The robot suddenly dives out of the hallway and over the guardrail, much to Lénore's surprise.



PANEL 4:

She carefully leans over the guardrail, still clutching her gun, and sees the robot investigate the collapsed stairway.



PANEL 5:

Small panel of Lénore putting away her glasses with one hand and putting on her goggles with the other.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Alright."



PANEL 6:

Low-angle shot with the robot in the foreground and Lénore aiming at it in the background.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Looks like it hasn't actually spotted me. I can't throw away an opportunity like that."



PANELS 7 & 8:

Two small panels from the point of view of the iron sights on Lénore's rifle. In the first one, the robot is still investigating the broken down stairs. In the second one, it has suddenly turned its head towards Lénore.



PANEL 9:

Lénore recoiling with an arm in front of her face due to being blinded by the robot's lights.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "My eyes!!"



PANEL 10:

The robot jumps into the air towards the upper floor.



PANEL 11:

The robot lands heavily just a few metres away from Lénore.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 12

PANEL 1:

The robot launches its left claw, which is spring-loaded.



PANEL 2:

Lénore rapidly turns around and tries to aim at the robot.



PANEL 3:

Close-up of the claw grabbing Lénore's rifle.



PANEL 4:

Shot of the rifle being thrown away by the robot, with the rifle itself in the foreground.

Lénore: "Dammit !"



PANEL 5:

The robot now launches both its claws at Lénore.



PANEL 6:

Lénore ducks, narrowling avoiding the claws.



PANEL 7:

Lénore gets back up and brings her right arm towards her shoulder, as if getting ready to throw something.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "I won't have time to draw my pistol. Gonna have to try another solution."



PANEL 8:

Lénore launches the wire from that arm's glove in a circular motion.



PANEL 9:

Close-up of the wire slapping around the robot's “neck”.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Gotcha!"



PANEL 10:

Lénore jumps on the guardrail, the wire securing her to the robot.



PANEL 11:

She runs along the guardrail, coming next to the robot.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 13

PANEL 1:

High-angle shot of Lénore jumping towards the robot, using the wire to guide herself.



PANELS 2 & 3:

Small close-up shits of the soles of the gear on Lénore's boots. In the first panel, holes can be seen all over them and in the second one, tiny spikes have sprouted from them.



PANEL 4:

Lénore planting her feet in the robot's back.



PANEL 5:

Low-angle shot of Lénore winding up her left arm.



PANEL 6:

Close-up of a blade sliding out of the glove on that arm.



PANEL 7:

Lénore stabbing the robot's "neck" just below the wire.

Lénore: "HAAA!!"



PANEL 8:

Front shot of Lénore slicing through the "neck".



PANEL 9:

Close-up of Lénore pulling on the wire.



PANEL 10:

Lénore bending backwards with the "head" of the robot flying through the air as it is ripped away, with steam coming out of the sliced tubes that connected it to the body.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 14

PANEL 1:

Lénore falls on her back.

Lénore: "Ah!!"



PANEL 2:

Lénore is getting back up as she looks at the decapitated machine.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Of course I couldn't be so lucky that it would work like humans..."



PANEL 3:

Shot of the robot swinging its arms blindly.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "But at least it looks like it can't see me any more."



PANEL 4:

Shot from behind the robot with Lénore in the background.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "It does seem to have a vague idea where I am though, so it must still be able to sense sound."



PANEL 5:

Low-angle shot of the radio going off with Lénore looking at it with a shocked expression.

Gérald: "Miss Céleste?! Are you alright? I heard fighting!"



PANEL 6:

Small panel of the robot turning in Lénore's direction.



PANEL 7:

Close-up of Lénore's face looking distressed.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"



PANEL 8:

The robot dashes forward with its claws out.



PANEL 9:

Lénore shoots her wires towards the ceiling.



PANEL 10:

High-angle shot of Lénore zipping upwards, barely avoiding the robot and having to lift her legs to do so, with the robot about to fall into the collapsed stairway.



PANEL 11:

Low-angle shot of the robot crashing.



PANEL 12:

Lénore dropping back to the ground on the upper floor.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 15

PANEL 1:

High-angle shot of Lénore looking down on the robot, which seems to be trying to locate her.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "I need to figure out a way to disable this thing."



PANEL 2:

Close-up on the back of the robot, focusing on what looks like a small opening.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "A hatch! If I could just get it open..."



PANEL 3:

Lénore shoots out her wires.



PANEL 4:

The wires dig themselves into the hatch.



PANEL 5:

Close-up of Lénore's face

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "And now, pull!"



PANEL 6:

Close-up of the wires rewinding.



PANEL 7:

The robot bends backwards and flails its arms, trying to grab the wires.



PANEL 8:

Side shot of the robot pulling away as Lénore strains to resist.



PANEL 9:

Close-up of Lénore clenching her teeth

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Come on! Come on!"



PANEL 10:

The hatch finally breaks open as the wires come off.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Yes!!"

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 16

PANEL 1:

Low-angle shot with the robot trying to locate Lénore while she is crouching in the background.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Now's my chance!"



PANEL 2:

Lénore jumping through the air.

Lénore: "Ha!"



PANEL 3:

Side view of Lénore landing on the robot and holding on to it the best she can.



PANEL 4:

Low-angle shot of the robot thrashing around, trying to shake her off its back.

Lénore: "Down, boy!"



PANEL 5:

Close-up of Lénore's hand grabbing one of the vials on her belt, containing an amber-coloured liquid.



PANEL 6:

She pours it into the robot's exposed innards.



PANEL 7:

Side shot of Lénore shooting the wire from her left glove upwards.



PANEL 8:

Low-angle shot of Lénore zipping upwards.



PANEL 9:

Close-up of Lénore drawing her gun.



PANEL 10:

High-angle shot of Lénore firing at robot's innards, causing it to explode.

[Juice]

I appreciate the work here. But I feel like there's a lot of stuff missing format wise.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

Mar 4, 2017 19:24:33 GMT -5 Juice said:

I appreciate the work here. But I feel like there's a lot of stuff missing format wise.

Interesting. It's actually the kind of info I'm looking for so what do you think I should add?


(Note that in my defence, I'm deliberately giving as little descriptions as possible as I've got to admit I'm a bit paranoid about people outside the forums randomly finding this thread and stealing ideas)

[Juice]

Mar 5, 2017 6:44:22 GMT -5 SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman said:

Mar 4, 2017 19:24:33 GMT -5 Juice said:

I appreciate the work here. But I feel like there's a lot of stuff missing format wise.

Interesting. It's actually the kind of info I'm looking for so what do you think I should add?


(Note that in my defence, I'm deliberately giving as little descriptions as possible as I've got to admit I'm a bit paranoid about people outside the forums randomly finding this thread and stealing ideas)

Im not an expert and only learned some stuff because I'm trying to write a comic or two myself. There are different types of panels size and structure depend on the type.

For instance a splash panel where it takes up a whole page for a lot of action or a wide frame look of something would be called a splash panel in the script.

And thought or word bubbles are usually written as such so the artist and inker can account for them. But usually most comic companies all have their own way of doing things. A dc script will look different than a marvel for example.

And if you plan to draw it yourself the script is just a second resource so you can do it however you need to but i have had artists send stuff back with tons of notes because they need precise panels, exact number of bricks in a wall or how many creases there are in a shirt.

But rather than just panel 1 panel 2 panel 3 etc id recommend taking advantage of the various types if panels. Just starting there would be a huge help as a reader.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

PAGE 17

PANEL 1:

Lénore drops down, with the robot's remains in the foreground.



PANEL 2:

Full-body shot showing Lénore looking annoyed as the radio goes off again.

Gérald: "M-miss Céleste? I-is everything okay?"



PANEL 3:

Side view of Lénore answering angrily.

Lénore: "No, Gérald! Everything is most certainly NOT okay! Didn't I ask you to stay silent?!"

Gérald: "I-I'm sorry! I was afraid that you'd been hurt."



PANEL 4:

Close-up on Lénore's face from the opposite side.

Lénore: "Hurt?! I damn near got KILLED because of your noisiness!""I would have thought you would have learned a thing of two about being careful from the other guys you sent in here to die!"



PANEL 5:

High-angle shot. There is awkward silence.



PANEL 6:

Lénore rubs her forehad.

Lénore: "Look, sorry I went off like that. I knew the risks when I accepted this job, but you've got to work with me, here."

Gérald: "No, you've got nothing to be sorry about. You're absolutely right. I'm the one who should apologize."



PANEL 7:

low-angle close-up of Lénore looking more calm, although she still has a stern expression on her face.

Lénore: "Just make sure it doesn't happen again.""Anyway, I'll keep going."

Gérald: "Very well. I'll be more prudent. I don't want any more death on my conscience."



PANEL 8:

Side view of Lénore putting the radio back on her belt.



PANEL 9:

Lénore's rifle can be seen in the foreground, with her walking towards it in the distance.



PANEL 10:

Lénore bends down and picks the rifle up.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "Come to think of it..."


PANEL 11:

Lénore walks back towards the upper floor.

Lénore: (in a thought bubble) "... it's a bit odd that I have yet to find any of the other hunters' bodies."