Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2018 21:40:07 GMT -5
So, I'm here to share a story about today, and how I had to ask a player in my home D&D campaign to never return to my table after a single session of playing with him.
He joined one session later than the rest of my players due to a scheduling issue. This wasn't a problem. The way my group came together was I had some friends who wished to play, but I needed more players familiar with the setting I'm running, so I put a request out to the local Facebook group with the time, place, and other details. I had so many responses that I had to turn some people away. Anyway, I have not met these people before so I was nervous about there being issues from the start. But, everyone minus this one guy shows the first week and they all hit it off, getting along really well and enjoying the story I'm laying out for them. It was great.
The next week rolls around and he joins. While it isn't fully relevant to the situation, he is a very, VERY large man. I would gauge him to be 480+lbs. I own a trailer home that I live in, so my space is not really designed for an individual of his size and it was difficult for him to get about. I also had to adjust things to accommodate him, but I was really fine to do so. I come from parents who had struggled with severe weight issues and I'm overweight myself again, so I understand how things can get out of control. What I'm not okay with was the smell. He smelled so bad it is not possible to put it into text. Consider someone beating you in the face with a skunk that has been covered in raw sewage. It was that bad. It was so bad that after the game I had to air out the house and Febreeze all of the furniture in the game room multiple times. It took hours to get the reeking stench out of the carpet and seat. It was almost retch-inducing sitting near him while playing.
Even that I might forgive if it did not recur again. However, he also made one of my players feel very uncomfortable. He would do actions in game of an overtly creepy and sexual nature like butt-raping a corpse with a snake (this is a serious course of action he wanted to take in game) and trying to drop trousers in front of her character and shit in a box to keep her from getting treasure he wanted for himself. That's weirdly inappropriate in most circumstances and kind of derails the whole mood of the game. He was also quite overbearing in keeping the other players to the background to focus on his own character's course of action. Some of my players were shy and are easily shouted down by that kind of thing.
He also was teasing my cat in a way that causes her to try and bite at your hand. I informed him how I don't let people do that because it trains her to think biting at hands is a fun playtime activity, and it can cause her to hurt and upset people if she bites them when they weren't playing with her. This kind of training happened with another cat I had and had to give up to another home because he thought biting was fun and hurt people a lot. When I told him why and asked him to stop, he kept doing it so I had to lock her out of the room.
So I decided to ask him to leave the group. I felt I was quite nice about it. Below is what I said to him:
I sent him this message on Facebook and he replied with:
I tried to clarify that my "fit" statement was figurative and not literal but he blocked me.
I hate have to tell people things like this because people ALWAYS get pissed no matter how nice you try to be about anything. I wonder if people realize just how hard it becomes to confront people about problems you are having when you know it's always going to anger them.
Do you guys think there was a better way I could have handled it? Was I being too harsh?
He joined one session later than the rest of my players due to a scheduling issue. This wasn't a problem. The way my group came together was I had some friends who wished to play, but I needed more players familiar with the setting I'm running, so I put a request out to the local Facebook group with the time, place, and other details. I had so many responses that I had to turn some people away. Anyway, I have not met these people before so I was nervous about there being issues from the start. But, everyone minus this one guy shows the first week and they all hit it off, getting along really well and enjoying the story I'm laying out for them. It was great.
The next week rolls around and he joins. While it isn't fully relevant to the situation, he is a very, VERY large man. I would gauge him to be 480+lbs. I own a trailer home that I live in, so my space is not really designed for an individual of his size and it was difficult for him to get about. I also had to adjust things to accommodate him, but I was really fine to do so. I come from parents who had struggled with severe weight issues and I'm overweight myself again, so I understand how things can get out of control. What I'm not okay with was the smell. He smelled so bad it is not possible to put it into text. Consider someone beating you in the face with a skunk that has been covered in raw sewage. It was that bad. It was so bad that after the game I had to air out the house and Febreeze all of the furniture in the game room multiple times. It took hours to get the reeking stench out of the carpet and seat. It was almost retch-inducing sitting near him while playing.
Even that I might forgive if it did not recur again. However, he also made one of my players feel very uncomfortable. He would do actions in game of an overtly creepy and sexual nature like butt-raping a corpse with a snake (this is a serious course of action he wanted to take in game) and trying to drop trousers in front of her character and shit in a box to keep her from getting treasure he wanted for himself. That's weirdly inappropriate in most circumstances and kind of derails the whole mood of the game. He was also quite overbearing in keeping the other players to the background to focus on his own character's course of action. Some of my players were shy and are easily shouted down by that kind of thing.
He also was teasing my cat in a way that causes her to try and bite at your hand. I informed him how I don't let people do that because it trains her to think biting at hands is a fun playtime activity, and it can cause her to hurt and upset people if she bites them when they weren't playing with her. This kind of training happened with another cat I had and had to give up to another home because he thought biting was fun and hurt people a lot. When I told him why and asked him to stop, he kept doing it so I had to lock her out of the room.
So I decided to ask him to leave the group. I felt I was quite nice about it. Below is what I said to him:
Hey, I hate to be a bearer of awkward or bad news. This is no way a knock on you as a person. But after some thought, I think moving forward my game is not really the right fit for you as a player. I hope you can find something that helps fulfill you in a Tal'dorei setting as I do know some others in town may start up games for the setting in the future. Once again, I'm very sorry to cut you out like this, but I feel it would only get more awkward to work around to lead you on. Good luck and thanks for trying out my table.
I sent him this message on Facebook and he replied with:
So your saying "I don't fit at your table" is more than a little discriminatory if that's all you have to say.
I tried to clarify that my "fit" statement was figurative and not literal but he blocked me.
I hate have to tell people things like this because people ALWAYS get pissed no matter how nice you try to be about anything. I wonder if people realize just how hard it becomes to confront people about problems you are having when you know it's always going to anger them.
Do you guys think there was a better way I could have handled it? Was I being too harsh?
