Book a Bad Idea (seriously)

[EZ: Brainy Bae]

I don't know why it popped into my head but I remember before CM Punk debuted one of the classic newz bits was that he was going to have a deaf gimmick with a valet (maybe Mickie James?). Obviously it would have been really stupid but then I got to thinking how dumb wrestling in general is and wondered how it might have been able to work. We, rightfully, complain about a lot of what we see but I think it'd make a good thread to take a bad idea, pretend it got forced on you by a higher-up, and try to make it actually work and go over.

So you have Punk, even at the time of his signing one of the best mic workers around, and you give him a deaf gimmick that will require him to speak very little or not at all. Not ideal, but what he can use in place of that is his unique look, tremendous body language and nuanced expressions. I picture a dynamic where Punk would be face but his valet (and interpreter) would be heel. They have a close connection, perhaps brother/sister or boyfriend/girlfriend.

The gist is that Punk is a great, hard-working wrestler but he has difficulty communicating. You keep the straight edge aspect to make it clear he's a face, and have him emphasize it in video packages like when he first started. Maybe he and his sister had a rough life and that's why they're so close, or if it's a relationship she helped get him away from that. His valet is his mouthpiece and support for navigating the RAW landscape. This is 2005/2006 so things aren't as nuanced as they are now, but you still have them do introductory vignettes/backstage segments in sign language when they communicate to each other to sell the gimmick. What would make her a heel is that she clearly uses him as a meal ticket. She badmouths him on the mic about how easy he is to use and wouldn't be here without her, she lies to him about how much the audience hates him (when they clearly hate her) and how she's the only one in the world who really cares about him and he needs her to get to the top. During the beginning stages you could have face wrestlers backstage trying to reach out or write things to him to let him know what she's saying, but she'd arrive at the last moment to rip up their message and blow them off.

With this in mind, how does the audience participate to counteract her? With signs. The Pepsi signs show him that he does have fans, others would say things like SHE'S USING YOU or WE LOVE YOU PUNK. Certain astute fans could even take to introducing signs to the crowd and eventually the crowd would adopt them to clearly show him support. He's deaf, not blind, and he notices over the months that a lot of what she's saying/doing is contradictory. From here you could go one of two ways:

1) Keep him face and commit to the gimmick: In a middle of the ring promo, maybe after she tries to interfere but it backfires costing him a title, he is about to ditch her. She begs on her knees and tries to manipulates him into keeping her, where he is then struck from behind by a big heel (Orton, Kane, etc) who just absolutely destroys him and whom she aligns with now that he's found her out. Maybe down the years to have him speak you could slowly introduce him doing promos 'getting' more natural over time to connect more with the fans. Or miracle cure because wrestling. Or even keep him 'deaf' as a symbol for deaf fans if he likes the idea.

2) Turn him heel. During his WWE title match (against a face like Cena/Batista) he gives up the farce, the emotional shock of it freezes the champion, and Punk uses the opportunity to hit his finisher and steal the win. He and the valet celebrate and he cuts a long promo about how they fooled everybody to get what they wanted: the WWE title. He says he knew all along that they loved him, and why wouldn't they? He's CM Punk. But he doesn't need their love, or the support of any community, and holds up the championship to thunderous boos from an audience who up until them had only ever tried to support him.

In the meantime you would have all kinds of unique quirks to make his matches interesting:

- He knows the match starts when he sees the ref motion for the bell instead of hearing the bell ring

- He is oblivious to people interrupting him/running in because he can't hear the music play over the PA

- The refs would have to sign "give up?" instead of asking him during submissions


Anyway, have at it. Maybe someone can make the Screwdriver Incident work.

[TWERKIN' MAGGLE]

One guy, age 40, so far above everyone else that no one could possibly beat him and make it convincing...

Wait...

[Jiren]

HHH accuses Kane of murdering his girlfriend and in one segment HHH dresses as Kane and pretends to have sex with a corpse in a coffin.

Oh wait

[Clint Bobski]

A woman gives birth to an ACTUAL hand as a result of an affair with the World's Strongest Man. Hilarity ensues.

Oh, wait...

[Perd]

Portray a guy that’s main evented four straight Wrestlemanias, as someone the company is out to screw over.

Oh wait.

[Cieto]

Small Woman dominates much larger Woman in match.


Oh Wait...

[Starshine]

So Lita is pregnant, but it's not her boyfriends baby, its Kanes. She did it because he was going to beat up her boyfriend, or something. Then Kane beats up her boyfriend anyway. Then we follow up with a miscarriage angle.

Oh wait...

[fw91]

Jinder Mahal-WWE Champion oh wait.

[Rolent Tex]

1) Sign WCW Superstar Diamond Dallas Page
2) Bring him in as a heel
3) Have him stalk Undertaker’s wife even though the fans know Kimberly.
4) Keep him heel for Invasion.
5) Finally he and his buddy Kanyon get squashed by the BoD.
6) ?
7) What’s a profit?

Oh...

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Have hugely popular Superstar the fans know are unhappy cut worked shoot promo that gets mainstream attention for being so cutting edge. Have that Superstar win title on known last night of contract. Crown new champion. Crown new champion an hour later. Have old champ return immediately after. Stupid bullshit. Stupid bullshit. Stupid bullshit. Triple V. Nash in a ladder match.

Oh wait....

[ISO Mid Thigh Pull]

They reintroduce the cruiser

wait......................

[bob]

The Road Warrior Animal pregnancy without panties

Right r.

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

Keeping with the spirit of the OP, MVP ambushes Triple H backstage at SD with a screwdriver. Trips is out of commission for some time, but then returns after MVP has gone psycho and put more stars on the shelf, only for MVP to go over in a Hell In A Cell match to end the feud. Boom, MVP is one of your top heels for some time to come.

[Deleted]

Make Hulk Hogan the GM of RAW and Smackdown, and have him be even more lethargic/mopey than he was in TNA. He just tells people to go away when they try to interview him or ask him about stuff.

But for some reason he loves Dolph Ziggler and constantly gives him world title shots. He praises Ziggler as the future of this business, not realizing that the dude has already had a long career already. The only way to even talk to Hogan is to mention Ziggler, to which he gets excited and even says stuff like how if Dolph Ziggler were at WM 3 he would have gorilla-press slammed Andre and threw him right into the 5th row.

After Dolph loses like 10 title matches in a row, Hulk just hands him the belt. Which Dolph simply vacates, like he did with the US title. Neither Hogan nor Ziggler are ever heard from again in WWE.

[tekkenguy]

Put the promotion's top title on a D-list actor, then on their own lead booker.

Oh, wait...

I know! How about getting your top star to job to an obscure rapper only known for marrying a pop superstar?

Oh, wait...

How about bringing back an aging veteran to win the Royal Rumble while leaving out a red-hot baby face just so he can promote his upcoming movie?

Or how about rehashing a classic Attitude Era skit to build heat for a women's match?

Or having a white wrestler tell a black wrestler he is inferior because of his race then beat him in their match?

Or having your big divas battle royal preceded by an awful concert and won by a man in drag?

Or having a turkey hatch from the mystery egg and dance?

Or having your world champion show up on drugs?

Or have a valet wrestle a reality TV star?

Or keep your pay-per-view going even after one of your wrestlers died?

[Deleted]

This guy walks into the bar

[Cvslfc123]

Have a storyline where a heel makes racial implications then have him win the match.

Oh wait.....

[Deleted]

Kane in green joining DX.

He becomes the new Rick Rude of the group. Not doing the crotch chops etc, but the silent, brooding insurance policy. Doesn't matter what cheques DX's mouths write, they've got Kane as muscle.

NAO taunt him and have fun at his expense. He nearly loses it a few times but X Pac and Chyna are always there to calm him down. They seem to genuinely care (as in their tag angle) and can sooth the monster to a point and keep him onside. Outlaws continue to be dicks and rile the monster though.

Hunter reenters the mix, properly leading DX after not having much to do with them. He berates Billy and Roadie for nearly making an enemy of the big Green machine, and assures Kane he's part of the Kliq, part of the family. Kane seems reluctant, then turn is teased as he walks away. He gets his Red mask out of his bag.

Hunter looks set for a massive beatdown, heeling catching up with him, when Kane’s music hits and he comes down and lays waste, saving Hunter. DX celebrate anD pose. Kane is one of them.

Hunter gets Kane to attack the champ (Austin or Rock presumably) to soften them up for him, promising Kane a title shot. He doesn't mind giving Kane the shot after he proved himself with the save.

Hunter wins thanks to Kane. The next night we get a DX style coronation. Hunter celebrate "but none of this would be possible without our insurance policy, the big Green machine Kane. You earned our respective and your shot at the title TONIGHT. At X Pac's European title. X Pac will lay down just like Shawn did for Hunter.

Kane goes bezerk. Destroys DX. Megaface Kane. Kane vs Hunter and DX feud.

Vicious DX beatdowns and screwjobs. Chyna pretends to take Kane's side and turns on him, just furthering the humilation. Cerebral Assassin fully mocking Kane. Just screwing with him for the sake of it.

Final taunt. If you can beat Billy, you get a title shot, hell you can even pick the stipulation. Kane outwits them, manages to trap the others backstage and just squashes Billy flat in 2 minutes. Kane vs Hunter HiaC for the belt. Kane wins.

[Rolent Tex]

Bring Hornswoggle back and job Brock out to him in mere seconds. Hornswoggle goes on to have the longest title reign in WWE history.

[tekkenguy]

Bring in a midget wrestler and have him win the Cruiserweight title then retire it, be the payoff to a big mystery angle or two, and repeatedly beat an industry veteran in a gag feud.

Oh wait...