chazraps
Wade Wilson
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Post by chazraps on Feb 27, 2019 6:10:13 GMT -5
I think my body is starting to adjust to my medication. Today was the first day I didn’t get a headache. The real test will be next Thursday when I take 2 instead of 1. Hope it's going well. Just curious, are you either taking them with food or taking them on a full stomach?
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the2ndevil
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Post by the2ndevil on Feb 27, 2019 8:32:33 GMT -5
I think my body is starting to adjust to my medication. Today was the first day I didn’t get a headache. The real test will be next Thursday when I take 2 instead of 1. Hope it's going well. Just curious, are you either taking them with food or taking them on a full stomach? I’ve been taking them right as I get up, and then take a probiotic for an unrelated stomach issue.
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Post by I'm Team Bayley and Indi on Feb 27, 2019 17:28:34 GMT -5
I just hate days like today when I feel shit, feel like I get pissed at myself on top of that for letting myself feel this way
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Feb 27, 2019 17:45:01 GMT -5
Since this thread has become a bit of a group therapy session - I am totally on board with that. So, I was diagnosed with depression in about 2012, and anxiety disorder about two years ago. Once I started reading about what these things are actually supposed to consist of, the most astounding thing for me was finding out that other people don't f***ing feel like this all the time. I've had one genuinely risky suicidal period in my life, which was actually during 2012 after my wife left me, although her leaving was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I sometimes wish I'd had a movie end-credits ending where I left her, but that was never going to happen and I should really stop fooling myself that it ever could have. She was emotionally abusive, and left me as a shell of a human that took me some time to remotely recover from. I've never been medicated - I definitely wasn't honest enough with the doctor in 2012 otherwise I might have been, but I also had a cocaine habit at the time which probably discouraged him wanting me to have anything else in my system. I was a teacher (kinda, long story) for three years, and something that I made absolutely sure of that I did was demonstrate that I had mental health challenges, to my students, particularly the male students. I worked with primarily 16-18 year olds, and young men are so often taught they have to be tough and not experience their emotions. When you're a teacher, you have to accept that you're a role model even to the ones that hate you. They learn from your behaviour, even if it doesn't seem like they do. I needed them to know that adults feel this struggle too. I also needed them to know that it was possible to still live life while dealing with that challenge. It made me a better teacher. So I would be honest. I got in a bit of trouble with management over that sometimes, and I'd always nod my head and say it wouldn't happen again and keep f***ing doing it, and I doubt that place will ever know what a difference being honest about that made to some of these young people. Some of them I'm proud to call my friends now that they're older and I don't work that job any more. Some other ones I'm just proud to say are still alive. My partners both suffer from way more profound mental health challenges than I do. One of them was once diagnosed bipolar although now thinks that was inaccurate. She had a breakdown just before Christmas and after a tentative return to work, has now been signed off work for another six months. I am caring for her every day, and it is the hardest thing I've ever done. Our other partner has PTSD from multiple horrifying life experiences. Her breakdown was many years ago and she still hasn't recovered from it yet. Caring for her was easier because their relationship existed before I joined it so the other one could give me advice. I have nothing else to really say about this shit. Just... I'm super proud of everyone in this f***ing thread. Sometimes even the simplest task can become an ordeal. Hello there, statement about what I feel like continuing to stay alive is at some point almost every day! Okay, let's see if I can finish typing all of this this time. As some of you are aware, and as many of you probably have suspicions given my somewhat erratic personality on here, I deal with severe mental health issues. About a decade ago, I suffered a complete breakdown and was hospitalized during that time after a failed suicide attempt. In my time there, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar-2, PTSD and a small army of related things in the depression area, with BPD being the most forerunner of them all. I have spent the last ten years basically slowly spiraling little by little. I can't do meds for this because everything that's been prescribed actually makes the more self-dangerous aspects of this worse. I found a distraction for a few years when I brought my elderly mother in to care for, as having something I "have" to do gives me some sort of focus, and that kept me pseudo-stable for a while. After she passed a year ago, my mental stability has basically cratered. These days I go to work - where I still feel halfway normal because it's the only "normal" left in my life - and that's all I do. I get home and I start the process of nothingness that ends up swallowing every day. I get on here and check a couple of threads of interest, go to YT and see if there were any new videos on the list of subscriptions, then I go check my gmail and facebook for any new messages, then I repeat the entire process. Over and over for the entire day until I finally start getting tired at 3am in the morning, then sleep and back up at 6am for work. There isn't a day that goes by that things inside get more resolute about putting an end to all this and I fight it constantly. Constantly. For years now. And it's tiring. I have become convinced I eventually lose this battle and I'm too exhausted to keep fighting it for another ten years. I'm not sure how to respond to this, so here are two things: 1. Thank-you for posting this. It's brave, honest, harrowing and important for people to read. 2. One of my partners says that sometimes there's only one thing she wants to hear when she talks about what life is like - that sounds like a f***ing shit experience, Madison.
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Feb 27, 2019 18:17:17 GMT -5
I was diagnosed some years ago and almost never tell anyone. Not because I'm embarrassed but because I don't feel it necessary to blab about my mental health to every person I meet.
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Post by Milkman Norm on Feb 27, 2019 18:31:17 GMT -5
I've been diagnosed with Depression and have been on medication for it. I appreciate everyone being so open and honest about this stuff. I still have challenges sometime separating my thoughts from what Dr. Nerdlove calls "my jerk brain". I have gotten far better at it. But there are still times were it can be a challenge.
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
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Post by the2ndevil on Feb 28, 2019 0:07:01 GMT -5
I’ve found I have a much easier time being open about this stuff online. Most people I have told has been through Facebook, Discord, and here.
There isn’t many I’ve worked up the courage to say anything about this face to face.
Biggest exception is my direct supervisor at work, who is the Pharmacy Manager, and I had to open up to him in order to get the ball rolling in this whole process to even see a doctor in the first place.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Feb 28, 2019 5:37:48 GMT -5
I have a really bad anxiety disorder. as a result I'm a chronic insomniac and I have to take trazdone at night to help me sleep.
my anxiety comes and goes but its pretty bad lately. for the last month I've been dating a beautiful, wonderful woman and everything is going great... except that I keep getting anxiety about it suddenly going wrong and ending. I worry every time I send her a text she won't reply (which has NEVER happened) or that I'll accidentally say the wrong thing and she'll disappear from my life without warning. and I want to be honest with her about my anxiety about things (she knows I have an anxiety disorder) but I don't know how to tell her without scaring her off. it's like... I want her to know I have anxiety because I ave an anxiety disorder and I get stuck in my head about things and I'm in control of it but you never know how these things will turn out, which in turn makes me more anxious.
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Ultimo Gallos
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Post by Ultimo Gallos on Feb 28, 2019 13:06:37 GMT -5
Bless Trazadone. Without it I might get 3 hours sleep a night. With it I get at least 6.
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Post by crankypants on Mar 5, 2019 18:42:59 GMT -5
I haven't posted in a while. I've had a real struggle getting through a dark period.
Emotions all over the place. Depression and anxiety competing for which can mess me up the most. Alternating between wanting to die and being terrified of death.
I tell myself it's going to get better. We all need hope.
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
Super Seducer Survivor
Where Is Your Santa, Now?
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Post by the2ndevil on Mar 27, 2019 7:06:30 GMT -5
Yesterday, at the suggestion of a co-worker who has similar issues as myself, I purchased a weighted blanket. After only one night, I’m already feeling a massive improvement.
I woke up a good hour before my alarm was set to go off, and I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long, long time.
10/10 Would recommend.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Mar 27, 2019 7:09:40 GMT -5
Yesterday, at the suggestion of a co-worker who has similar issues as myself, I purchased a weighted blanket. After only one night, I’m already feeling a massive improvement. I woke up a good hour before my alarm was set to go off, and I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long, long time. 10/10 Would recommend. Seconded! I bought a Zonli weighted blanket on Amazon a few months ago and I love it. For anyone thinking of getting a weighted blanket, they say you should get one that weights about 10% of your body weight. P.S- Be sure to get a Duvet cover for it so you can just wash the duvet cove instead of having to try to wash the heavy blanket itself.
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
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Where Is Your Santa, Now?
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Post by the2ndevil on Mar 27, 2019 7:17:27 GMT -5
Yesterday, at the suggestion of a co-worker who has similar issues as myself, I purchased a weighted blanket. After only one night, I’m already feeling a massive improvement. I woke up a good hour before my alarm was set to go off, and I woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long, long time. 10/10 Would recommend. Seconded! I bought a Zonli weighted blanket on Amazon a few months ago and I love it. For anyone thinking of getting a weighted blanket, they say you should get one that weights about 10% of your body weight. P.S- Be sure to get a Duvet cover for it so you can just wash the duvet cove instead of having to try to wash the heavy blanket itself. I work at Walmart, so I just got mine there. The brand is Tranquility, and weighs 12 pounds. Cost $50, which is more than I would normally pay for a blanket, but seems to be worth it, so far. And thanks for the suggestion of the duvet cover. Never would have thought of that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2019 7:27:04 GMT -5
I was diagnosed with anxiety back in 2015. I’ve been to counseling over it which kinda helped.
I don’t know if I have depression... I mean I still have really bad days. I was prescribed Adderall and Xanax but I chose not to take them. I figured by getting myself out there more, making friends, getting a job and stuff like that I’ve been coping better.
Like I said, I still have days where I just want to sleep all day and hope that I feel better tomorrow. It’s important to keep people around you and not think too much.
Best of luck my brother.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Mar 27, 2019 7:34:04 GMT -5
Seconded! I bought a Zonli weighted blanket on Amazon a few months ago and I love it. For anyone thinking of getting a weighted blanket, they say you should get one that weights about 10% of your body weight. P.S- Be sure to get a Duvet cover for it so you can just wash the duvet cove instead of having to try to wash the heavy blanket itself. I work at Walmart, so I just got mine there. The brand is Tranquility, and weighs 12 pounds. Cost $50, which is more than I would normally pay for a blanket, but seems to be worth it, so far. And thanks for the suggestion of the duvet cover. Never would have thought of that. Sure. They make special duvet covers just for weighted blankets (I also got my duvet cover on Amazon if that helps).
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
Super Seducer Survivor
Where Is Your Santa, Now?
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Post by the2ndevil on Mar 29, 2019 14:00:07 GMT -5
Had my 6 week follow up appointment, today.
My medication dose is being increased. For the next 5-7 days, I’m to 3 take of my current 25mg dose, after that, I start taking a just sent in 100mg dose.
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
Super Seducer Survivor
Where Is Your Santa, Now?
Posts: 13,629
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Post by the2ndevil on Apr 19, 2019 13:17:36 GMT -5
After putting it off since February, I finally made a counseling appointment. Earliest I could get in is May 24th, but it’s a start.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2019 16:59:16 GMT -5
First off, I am really glad this thread exists. I've actually debated with myself several occasions about whether I should reveal my mental illnesses on here...I always thought things like "Nah...it's too personal, I can't share that here" or "Maybe people will think I'm seeking notoriety and for crappy reasons". Now that this thread is open, I feel a bit more relaxed and willing to post about my diagnosis. Granted...I've also reached a point recently where I just don't care enough that people know, due to suffering my first ever full-on mental breakdown last year. Back in 2013, I recieved a mental health evaluation and was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, a form of OCD and possible Aspberger's. I've been in counseling and taking medication on and off since then. Unfortunately...It just hasn't worked out for me. No combo of medication has really done the trick. Not only that, but my first counselor was mentally abusive and led me to distrust therapy programs and their abilities. What led to my mental breakdown has really changed my life/outlook for the worst. A few years ago I made a friend and I was really infatuated with them, in a way I have never been before. This person cut off contact with me pretty much and left me dry at a low point in my life, so I've been pretty isolated and withdrawn since that occured. I've lost all passion or care about life...I don't care about wrestling, movies, video games. It's why I rarely come to FAN anymore...I just don't care. That is the worst feeling to have is complete and total apathy. Thank you for allowing us the oppurtunity to talk about our experiences, op.
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the2ndevil
Grimlock
Super Seducer Survivor
Where Is Your Santa, Now?
Posts: 13,629
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Post by the2ndevil on Apr 19, 2019 17:06:51 GMT -5
First off, I am really glad this thread exists. I've actually debated with myself several occasions about whether I should reveal my mental illnesses on here...I always thought things like "Nah...it's too personal, I can't share that here" or "Maybe people will think I'm seeking notoriety and for crappy reasons". Now that this thread is open, I feel a bit more relaxed and willing to post about my diagnosis. Granted...I've also reached a point recently where I just don't care enough that people know, due to suffering my first ever full-on mental breakdown last year. Back in 2013, I recieved a mental health evaluation and was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, a form of OCD and possible Aspberger's. I've been in counseling and taking medication on and off since then. Unfortunately...It just hasn't worked out for me. No combo of medication has really done the trick. Not only that, but my first counselor was mentally abusive and led me to distrust therapy programs and their abilities. What led to my mental breakdown has really changed my life/outlook for the worst. A few years ago I made a friend and I was really infatuated with them, in a way I have never been before. This person cut off contact with me pretty much and left me dry at a low point in my life, so I've been pretty isolated and withdrawn since that occured. I've lost all passion or care about life...I don't care about wrestling, movies, video games. It's why I rarely come to FAN anymore...I just don't care. That is the worst feeling to have is complete and total apathy. Thank you for allowing us the oppurtunity to talk about our experiences, op. Like I said in the first post, there is a stigma over being open about stuff like this, and it’s one that needs to change. And hopefully it is.
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Post by OGBoardPoster2005 on Apr 20, 2019 0:17:57 GMT -5
A therapist told me i may have borderline personality this order. For the most part i feel like 4 different people. A side of me is always anxious, one is depressed, one is driven but the last is self destructive. I can all 4 in one day or just one for days. Its unpredictable and concerns me. What makes things even more concerning is my behavior resembles someone i loved once who had the same diagnosis.
It scares me bc we were so similar in behavior and thoughts to the point where im afraid of becoming her.
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