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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2019 9:17:59 GMT -5
She still hangs it over me but it’s better than it could be I’d sign up for that. I'll say this - it takes a toll. Sure, you made a mistake, and you can apologise and apologise on end, but it certainly doesn't mean that she will forgive you. Living with someone who hates you for what you've done, and but still stays around, isn't the best situation man. Good luck to you in this, but keep in mind, there is no coming back from some f***-ups, and in my experience, there is no coming back from cheating.
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chazraps
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Post by chazraps on Feb 18, 2019 14:16:25 GMT -5
This sets a bad precedent, though. If he isn't honest about this screw-up, he might withhold other things from her down the line because "Hey, it worked once...". Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I am a casual dater. I meet up with various girls, have a good time and usually nothing comes off it. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend so I’m not the best guy to be taking advice from. My initial reaction was “You know you love her, you know you f***ed up... so why tell her and risk losing her?”... I feel like sometimes being too honest can work against you. It might not be the right thing to do... but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the things you want in your life. I’ve told plenty of lies to women and maybe it’s because I’ve never had an actual relationship and thus never had that “emotional connection” but I don’t lose a wink of sleep over it. Tell girls what they want to hear. In my experience, everyone is out for themselves anyway. This is not how the world works. I'm sorry for whatever occurred that has you believing in such a way, but this is really toxic behavior. I highly suggest seeking some sort of professional help to discuss these feelings if you aren't already.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2019 14:44:44 GMT -5
Granted, my only knowledge of strip clubs is from tv/movies, but I thought they weren't allow to offer that kind of service? I dated an exotic dancer for a year and a half and no they are not supposed to offer these services at all...My ex would be furious when girls did this "The called it "extras"....But truthfully its freakin prostitution
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Post by Tenshigure on Feb 18, 2019 14:52:41 GMT -5
She knows that I go down to the strip in every once in a while so that’s not such a big deal. How sure are you that she's okay with you being there versus just putting up with it because the alternative makes her feel like you may think she doesn't trust you going into a place whose sole purpose is temptation? Here's something you can contemplate while waiting for your wife to process things: Why are you looking for other people's "focus" in the first place? I'd understand if maybe it was like a one-off thing to support a friend or something, but if this is a regular behavior why exactly are you constantly looking to places outside of your house for focus and attention? Second item to contemplate while you're in a much-deserved situation: how exactly would you feel if you were put in your wife's situation, where she went out to a male strip club or Chippendale's or something, and they unbuttoned her clothing and sexually stimulated her on a semi-regular basis because she likes the attention she gets from others? *** Let me just quickly sum up your situation in a single image: You willingly put yourself in this situation, and karma bit you in the ass in the most deserved way possible. Reap what you sow, no sympy for selfish SOs.
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Post by Fade is a CodyCryBaby on Feb 18, 2019 15:07:05 GMT -5
Well at least you can spend more time at the strip club now Try the Lobster on Tuesday.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2019 15:39:17 GMT -5
Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I am a casual dater. I meet up with various girls, have a good time and usually nothing comes off it. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend so I’m not the best guy to be taking advice from. My initial reaction was “You know you love her, you know you f***ed up... so why tell her and risk losing her?”... I feel like sometimes being too honest can work against you. It might not be the right thing to do... but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the things you want in your life. I’ve told plenty of lies to women and maybe it’s because I’ve never had an actual relationship and thus never had that “emotional connection” but I don’t lose a wink of sleep over it. Tell girls what they want to hear. In my experience, everyone is out for themselves anyway. This is not how the world works. I'm sorry for whatever occurred that has you believing in such a way, but this is really toxic behavior. I highly suggest seeking some sort of professional help to discuss these feelings if you aren't already. Not to hijack the OP’s thread but I do admit that I’ve been let down by women in the past. I started dating girls when I was 22 which is definitely late by today’s standards. I never really went out when I was younger so it’s not like I had many opportunities to meet girls. I mostly spent my time on video games and message boards and stuff like that. In my experience... getting attached to women is not a good idea. You’d be surprised how many women I know that go out to the club every week and are making out with random strangers. Their boyfriends have no idea. We live in the “Online Dating” era now. Everyone has so many options and if you have an argument, chances are they’re texting somebody else and meeting up with them whenever you’re not there. I’m saying all women are like this. Just the ones I’ve dated. I stupidly got attached to one girl before and it affected me for ages. I said to myself that would never happen again. That I would be in control of the situation. That I would be the one worth having and they would be the lucky one. Maybe it’s wrong but I’m a lot happier for it.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Feb 18, 2019 18:19:21 GMT -5
This is not how the world works. I'm sorry for whatever occurred that has you believing in such a way, but this is really toxic behavior. I highly suggest seeking some sort of professional help to discuss these feelings if you aren't already. Not to hijack the OP’s thread but I do admit that I’ve been let down by women in the past. I started dating girls when I was 22 which is definitely late by today’s standards. I never really went out when I was younger so it’s not like I had many opportunities to meet girls. I mostly spent my time on video games and message boards and stuff like that. In my experience... getting attached to women is not a good idea. You’d be surprised how many women I know that go out to the club every week and are making out with random strangers. Their boyfriends have no idea. We live in the “Online Dating” era now. Everyone has so many options and if you have an argument, chances are they’re texting somebody else and meeting up with them whenever you’re not there. I’m saying all women are like this. Just the ones I’ve dated. I stupidly got attached to one girl before and it affected me for ages. I said to myself that would never happen again. That I would be in control of the situation. That I would be the one worth having and they would be the lucky one. Maybe it’s wrong but I’m a lot happier for it. Well clearly there's a lot to unpack here but to keep it short this is a pretty f***ing terrible attitude to have about women, or people in general. And if you're really happy about it you Wouldn't need to keep telling yourself that.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on Feb 18, 2019 18:33:18 GMT -5
This is not how the world works. I'm sorry for whatever occurred that has you believing in such a way, but this is really toxic behavior. I highly suggest seeking some sort of professional help to discuss these feelings if you aren't already. Not to hijack the OP’s thread but I do admit that I’ve been let down by women in the past. I started dating girls when I was 22 which is definitely late by today’s standards. I never really went out when I was younger so it’s not like I had many opportunities to meet girls. I mostly spent my time on video games and message boards and stuff like that. In my experience... getting attached to women is not a good idea. You’d be surprised how many women I know that go out to the club every week and are making out with random strangers. Their boyfriends have no idea. We live in the “Online Dating” era now. Everyone has so many options and if you have an argument, chances are they’re texting somebody else and meeting up with them whenever you’re not there. I’m saying all women are like this. Just the ones I’ve dated. I stupidly got attached to one girl before and it affected me for ages. I said to myself that would never happen again. That I would be in control of the situation. That I would be the one worth having and they would be the lucky one. Maybe it’s wrong but I’m a lot happier for it. As others have said, plenty to unpick here. But it sure as shit doesn't sound like happiness to me.
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Post by edgestar on Feb 18, 2019 18:35:11 GMT -5
Now, there's different focus on you, if your wife is that upset. IMO, whatever happened that night, wasn't worth both of your pain, now.
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Post by corndog on Feb 18, 2019 18:58:06 GMT -5
If you think she is the type that can’t 100% get over this at some point. End it. Having stuff like that happen and the page isn’t ever fully turned isn’t going to end well and can make for a bad tit for tat long term situation. But hopefully things go well for you guys though. I agree, but a lot of this just depends on the people themselves and the relationship itself. I've been in the "tit for tat" situation and it was absolutely terrible until it got to the point of no return. As you said, if she absolutely can't get over this, it's probably going to devolve into a pretty bad situation that is better just ending sooner than later. But considering they are married and not just dating, it is at least worth a try and seeing if time can mend things.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2019 20:14:43 GMT -5
here is my question...so she unzipped your pants and performed fellatio for a few seconds then what? Asked you for money to "finish"? That's not a dancer that is a prostitute
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Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Feb 18, 2019 20:43:32 GMT -5
She’s told me to leave her alone for the week and I pretty much have. We spoke a little when I went to shower and get clothes from our room. I’ve been staying down in my living room and man cave and giving her space. I have emailed a therapist about seeing him for myself. I always thought I could handle everything on my own but I now see I need help to be a better husband and person. I have a lot of destructive behaviors that I need to fix. Not gonna lie, it’s not as bad opening up as I thought it would be. Thanks to everyone that’s given me some support. It does help even though I now a lot of you feel I don’t deserve it.
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fw91
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Post by fw91 on Feb 18, 2019 20:47:33 GMT -5
She’s told me to leave her alone for the week and I pretty much have. We spoke a little when I went to shower and get clothes from our room. I’ve been staying down in my living room and man cave and giving her space. I have emailed a therapist about seeing him for myself. I always thought I could handle everything on my own but I now see I need help to be a better husband and person. I have a lot of destructive behaviors that I need to fix. Not gonna lie, it’s not as bad opening up as I thought it would be. Thanks to everyone that’s given me some support. It does help even though I now a lot of you feel I don’t deserve it. I'm no helpless romantic, but it seems like this is the part of the movie, where you have to woo her. Sing a silly love song, make her dinner, hold the boombox over your head etc. Again I'm far from a love expert but the ball seems to be back in your court. Win her back.
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Post by edgestar on Feb 18, 2019 20:55:06 GMT -5
She’s told me to leave her alone for the week and I pretty much have. We spoke a little when I went to shower and get clothes from our room. I’ve been staying down in my living room and man cave and giving her space. I have emailed a therapist about seeing him for myself. I always thought I could handle everything on my own but I now see I need help to be a better husband and person. I have a lot of destructive behaviors that I need to fix. Not gonna lie, it’s not as bad opening up as I thought it would be. Thanks to everyone that’s given me some support. It does help even though I now a lot of you feel I don’t deserve it. I know neither you, nor your wife, so I won't say what you do and don't deserve. I think that it's good to seek help. I hope for the best, for your marriage. She may have been okay with the past visits, but, knowing what you opened up about (keeping it to yourself would NOT help), she may feel cheated, and it hurts. Like I said, I won't tell you what you deserve, as I know neither of you, but I hope your relationship can work out.
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Dub H
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Post by Dub H on Feb 18, 2019 20:58:05 GMT -5
one thing for sure , if se forgives you ,you bet you ain't going to no strip club no more
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Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Feb 18, 2019 20:58:24 GMT -5
Sounds like you're trying to make things right, so I hope things work out for the best for everyone, whatever shape that'll be.
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Post by Porky's Butthole on Feb 18, 2019 21:06:39 GMT -5
Well at least you can spend more time at the strip club now Try the Lobster on Tuesday. I'd rather wait til Friday and get the crabs.
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Post by The 1Watcher Experience on Feb 18, 2019 21:45:39 GMT -5
Actions speak louder than words. You can say whatever you want to her and it’s not going to matter as much as what you show her over time. If you really let this happen because you were drunk and stoned then you might want to change your lifestyle and not do those things anymore. You should really give up on going to the strip club too. If you can’t make an effort to show her she’s worth changing for then it’s probably time to move on and save both of you any further pain.
I’m pretty sure you know that a strip club is a hustle. The attention being on you is because you’re a paying customer. Throwing in some inappropriate touching is something some girls do to encourage bigger tips so they can make more money. It’s all part of their hustle. To use some wrestling terminology you’re treated like a mark. Meaning you’re a target because they want your money and as much of it as they can get. That doesn’t make you special and they do it with lots of other guys too. It’s a routine for some of them. Your girlfriend actually cares about you while a stripper really only cares about your money. Just something to think about if the strip club is that important to you.
I give you credit for being honest and wanting to repair things. I’m not here to shame you. I’d rather give you advice that could help your relationship. It’s going to take time for her to trust you again. Real change can make that happen a little sooner. Once again, actions speak louder than words.
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Welfare Willis
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Post by Welfare Willis on Feb 18, 2019 22:55:00 GMT -5
Dude, none of my usually snark here. I wish the best for you and her. The truth is and you've admitted it: You f***** up. The dynamics of the relationship have changed. What happens now is the aftermath. We can offer advice but your best bet may be to seek help from a marriage councilor. Someone who is trained to handle these situations.
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Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Feb 18, 2019 22:59:33 GMT -5
Actions speak louder than words. You can say whatever you want to her and it’s not going to matter as much as what you show her over time. If you really let this happen because you were drunk and stoned then you might want to change your lifestyle and not do those things anymore. You should really give up on going to the strip club too. If you can’t make an effort to show her she’s worth changing for then it’s probably time to move on and save both of you any further pain. I’m pretty sure you know that a strip club is a hustle. The attention being on you is because you’re a paying customer. Throwing in some inappropriate touching is something some girls do to encourage bigger tips so they can make more money. It’s all part of their hustle. To use some wrestling terminology you’re treated like a mark. Meaning you’re a target because they want your money and as much of it as they can get. That doesn’t make you special and they do it with lots of other guys too. It’s a routine for some of them. Your girlfriend actually cares about you while a stripper really only cares about your money. Just something to think about if the strip club is that important to you. I give you credit for being honest and wanting to repair things. I’m not here to shame you. I’d rather give you advice that could help your relationship. It’s going to take time for her to trust you again. Real change can make that happen a little sooner. Once again, actions speak louder than words. I totally know it’s a hustle but I would just get lost in the whole fantasy of it all. I’ve said before that I would change but I never truly taken the actions to do it. I finally am now.
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